Chapter Eight
Am I allowed to look at her like that
Could it be wrong when she's just so nice to look at
And she smells like lemongrass and sleep
She tastes like apple juice and peach
Oh, you would find her in a polaroid picture
And she means everything to me
I'd never tell
No I'd never say a word
And oh it aches
But it feels oddly good to hurt
James
He wasn't quite sure what had made him do it.
It wasn't like he had meant to walk towards Evans like that. It had been an impulse thing; instinctive. The sight of Abbott holding her arms, flashing her that stupid smirk and looking her up and down, eyes lingering on her—
His hands were balled into fists in the pockets of his jacket as he lagged behind Sirius and Remus in Zonko's as the two others gleefully examined the new display of indoor fireworks. It was a testament to the weirdness of James's mood that he couldn't even bring himself to feel excited at the new Chinese dragons and waterproof Catherine wheels and firecrackers, which Sirius was debating aloud putting a few under the Slytherins' table at dinner.
No, his mind was stuck stubbornly on Evans. His stomach had flipped in surprise and poorly contained happiness when he'd seen her in Scrivenshaft's. Her thick auburn hair had been plaited back from her face, her freckles stood out against the pale skin of her cheeks and nose, and her eyes were as green as the grassy valleys that surrounded the village. It was like being back at the Lake, watching her tip her head back and bathe in the dappled sunshine. Those dangerous feelings had come; the feelings that had lived in his chest since he'd first met her back in First Year. The feeling that begged him to walk over and kiss her. At the end of Fifth Year, he'd come to accept that Evans didn't have the slightest interest in him. Then over these past months in Sixth Year, it had seemed that, though she wasn't exactly his biggest fan, she didn't loathe his existence.
Then came the afternoon spent at the Lake with her.
He'd thought that maybe… Maybe something had changed.
But then he'd gone and fucked it all up with what he said about Abbott. And just like that, she was back to looking at him with dislike and annoyance. All the sunshine had evaporated from the day and a storm cloud had come over him.
Matters were only made worse when he'd come out of Scrivenshaft's to see her being caught by Abbott and her blushing in his arms.
Yeah, James was so fucked.
"You alright, mate?" asked Sirius. James looked up to see him and Remus watching him "You've been really quiet."
"Fine," he replied, his voice even and unconcerned.
His friends exchanged looks.
"Is this about Lily?" asked Remus, setting down the box of flaming chimera fireworks and surveying him with a knowing look. James started at this. Out of the three of them, Lupin was the only one to call Evans by her first name.
"What? Oh… No, 'course not."
Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Yeah it is. I thought you said you were over her?"
"I am!" James insisted, as though the more forcefully he said those words the more likely they were to suddenly become true.
"Really? Then let's go down to the Three Broomsticks now and see her and the others," Sirius challenged.
James snapped his mouth shut.
The very last thing he felt like doing was sitting in a pub and watching Evans fawn all over Abbott. Even so, he wanted to shut Sirius up. It was bad enough that he was still pitifully pining for a girl who acted like he was a piece of dragon dung on her shoe. Maybe if he could persuade Sirius that he didn't care who Evans spent her free time flirting with, then he could convince his friends to drop the subject.
Then again, what if things with Abbott worked out and they started going out? What if James would have to watch Evans and Abbott walking through the castle hand-in-hand, kissing down corridors and—
He felt his insides squirm.
Might as well start getting used to seeing them together , he thought grimly.
"We don't have to speak to them," interjected Remus swiftly. "We can just go there for a drink." He was looking between Sirius and James with a strange look. There was no one who knew James better than Sirius, but in that moment he realised that Moony, more than Padfoot, understood how he felt. He had a hunch that Remus knew exactly how it felt to want someone who was painfully oblivious to your feelings.
"Fine," James replied. His jaw was set in hard determination.
Sirius grinned that roguish smirk and turned to Remus. "Moony, I think we're in for quite the afternoon. I bet you two Galleons dear little Prongsie won't be able to resist hexing Abbott once he sees his hands all over Evans's—"
Remus smacked him round the back of the head.
The Three Broomsticks was full of chattering students interspersed by adult witches and wizards up for a day's shopping. It was so crowded that James, Sirius and Remus had a hard time fighting their way to the bar. The place smelt like oak, Butterbeer, and honeyed whiskey. It soothed James's rubbed-raw nerves. After recovering from his annoyance with Aaron fucking Abbott, he'd regained his composure and his swaggering arrogance. He winked at a few of the girls who flashed him coy looks. Their giggles restored some sense of normality. Normal was what he needed right now, not all this confusion stirred up by a stubborn redhead.
"Rosmerta," Sirius grinned at the barmaid as the three of them sat down on mismatched stools. "You're looking—"
"Careful, Black," warned the curvy blonde, pointing to the glass she had been polishing at him like a sword, "this is a respectable establishment."
"I was going to say healthy!"
"He wasn't going to say healthy, was he?" Remus muttered and James shook his head, grinning.
"Where's your little friend?" asked Rosmerta, peering past them curiously. "I thought you four were a package deal."
"It is quite off-brand for us, yes," conceded James, "but Pete's visiting family so we're struggling on by without his wisdom and stellar leadership."
Rosmerta laughed, her straight white teeth flashing and her chest rising and falling with her mirth. On any normal day, making a pretty woman laugh would've bolstered his mood to no end. Today, however, it didn't do anything for him. That was an unsettling thought.
Trying to shake his weird mood, he said, "Three Firewhiskies, 'Merta."
The barmaid rolled her eyes good-naturedly and handed over three Butterbeers instead.
"Nice try," Remus said consolingly as they took their drinks and turned to face the bar at large. Sirius led the way to one of the last free tables in the corner and snatched an extra few chairs so they could all sit. Once they were settled in their seats, James couldn't help himself; he scanned the crowded pub for Evans. It was so crowded- given that this was one of the first summery days they'd had all year- that it was hard to see through the flocks of students, shoppers and what he suspected was a group of fawns, judging by the occasional bleats.
But then he caught a flash of deep red hair.
Lily, Marlene, Dorcas and Mary all sat in a dark wood-panelled booth with the five Ravenclaw boys. Mary was giggling with a stocky blonde boy and a lanky brunette— Ed Greengrass and Hugh Turner respectively— and was tossing her curls at the boys, both of whom looked slightly dazed that Mary MacDonald was paying them any attention. Then there was Dorcas who was looking around boredly as a dark-haired boy James recognised as Simon Corner chatted animatedly, completely oblivious to her disinterest. Marlene was draped over Andrew Clearwater who was looking at his friends smugly. Lily, however, was sitting at the end of the booth looking embarrassed and out of place. She was staring so determinedly at her tankard of mead that for a moment, James wondered if she was trying to perform some sort of non-verbal spell on it. Then she looked up from her glass and towards the bar and a pink blush bloomed across her cheeks before she resumed her furious staring match with her drink.
Following her gaze, his eyes landed on Aaron Abbott, who was chatting with a group of very pretty Hufflepuff girls, all them watching Abbott keenly.
James frowned. He certainly didn't like the idea of Lily and Abbott, but why on earth wasn't the Ravenclaw with her; he'd seen them walking to the pub together, her arm looped through his. Had their date gone to shit that quickly? He tried not to feel too pleased. He regretted his triumph instantly.
Anyone could see how miserable Evans was.
Well, he thought anyone could see.
Apparently it was only him that seemed to notice given that all of her friends were still talking (though maybe not Dorcas, who was now making a spoon perform cartwheels) to the Ravenclaw boys. Aaron laughed loudly then, beaming at one of the curly-haired Hufflepuff girls. Evans sank further down in her chair, a wrinkle between her brow.
"Prongs?" a voice to his left said.
"Hmm?" James tore his gaze from Lily and turned to see Remus and Sirius watching him expectantly.
"So," prompted Sirius. "What do you think?"
"Oh yeah, yeah, I agree," he replied distractedly.
Remus raised a brow. "So you do think you are so stupidly in love with Evans that you can't stop looking at her?"
For a fraction of a second, his heart shot to his stomach. A moment later, he regained his composure. James shook his head, affecting a mournful expression. "It's Andrew Clearwater, actually. I'm tragically besotted." The three of them looked to Clearwater, who was fed a cocktail olive by Marlene and promptly choked. She thumped him cheerfully on the back and Remus choked on his sip of Butter Beer.
"Seriously though, mate," Sirius continued, his slate eyes back to James. "What's going on with you and Evans?"
James exhaled deeply, flopping back in his chair and folding his arms over his chest. There had been a time when he would've told the other marauders without thought. James regarded it as the height of dishonor to mistrust his friends. But with this… It felt too much.
For years his relationship with Evans had been something of a joke between him and his friends; they teased him and he grinned and played along. Now though, things had changed. In a year and a half, they would all be leaving school and he and Lily would go their separate ways. He wouldn't see those green eyes everyday, watch her pull her silky hair into a ponytail, wouldn't listen to her laugh or see her smile again. It made the whole situation a lot less funny. It wasn't like him to worry or lose confidence in himself. But now that he was resigned to the fact that Lily Evans was not leaving his heart anytime soon, the possibility of the loss cut deep.
"I just don't want to talk about it." James looked between his friends. "Please?"
Sirius looked calculating as ever, but Remus considered him carefully before saying, "I won't push you on this, but Lily is my friend. Just don't mess around with her or I'll have to curse you to defend her honour or something like that."
"Very noble, Moony," Sirius said, patting Remus's arm approvingly.
James, however, frowned indignantly. "You know I wouldn't."
"Maybe not on purpose, but you don't always think things through."
That was an understatement. He thought of the bargain he had made with Evans. A few tutoring sessions with her for as much gold as she wanted. It wasn't the money that agitated. It was the knowledge that after a couple of hours together, their time would stop and he would lose the excuse to be with her. Godric knows, she seemed painfully reluctant to be with him. That was like a twist of a knife in his stomach; the fact that if it wasn't for the money, she probably wouldn't even want to spend time with him—
Don't think like that , he snapped at himself, you know Evans isn't like that .
He didn't want to think about that anymore.
James shrugged noncommittally. "She doesn't like me anyway so there's no point discussing this."
"Bollocks," dismissed Sirius. "Of course she likes you! If you're worried about the little spat you two had in Scrivenshaft's, that was just a lovers' quarrel. You two are so headstrong of course you clash sometimes." James thought briefly of all the times Evans snapped at him, all the times they'd bickered and jabbed at each other. 'Sometimes' seemed a bit of an underestimate, though granted, when they normally quarrelled Lily usually left looking annoyed rather than upset or confused as she had done hurrying away with Abbott.
"I should've just said yes to Aline," said James dully. Maybe he'd be able to forget about Evans if he fooled around with Aline for a few hours.
"Women," nodded Sirius wisely, "one day mere men will understand them."
"Though not today," said Remus.
"Though not today," agreed the former.
There was a loud plunk as someone dropped into the seat beside James.
"Alright, McKinnon?" asked Sirius, either ignoring or simply not noticing her slightly harassed expression.
"No," she scowled. "Clearwater's such a cock, it might be worth doing my own homework for the rest of term just to be shot of him."
"Are you aware that that made absolutely no sense?" asked Sirius pleasantly.
Marlene cast him a withering look. "You wouldn't be able to think straight if you had Clearwater pawing at you for almost an hour."
"And yet he lives?" asked Remus with a small smile.
"For now," replied the blonde, casting a dark look back at the table. "Today's been a nightmare and I need you boys to fix it."
"Bit forward," said Sirius, "but for the right price we're all yours, McKinnon."
Remus opened his mouth as if to say something, seemed to think better of it, and sat back moodily.
"Har bloody har," she replied. "You know that's not what I meant."
"What do you want us to do?" asked James warily. Marlene's schemes were often even more questionable than the marauders', which was no small feat.
"Nothing drastic, I just need you to come over and liven this afternoon up a bit. The others are angry with me as it is for spoiling what was meant to be a girls' day out." All four of them looked towards the table with Lily, Mary, Dorcas and the Ravenclaw boys. Lily was stealing covert glances at Abbott and that same twinge of annoyance curdled in James's stomach. "I thought it would help Lily," groaned Marlene.
"Lily?" repeated Remus. "Why—" he followed the redhead's line of vision and understanding passed over his face. "Oh. Abbott."
"Yeah," sighed the blonde. "She's always looking at him in Charms and Godric knows, she needs to loosen up a bit with boys. I mean, she's not a prude, but she lacks confidence, I think." James was startled to hear this. There were many, many ways he could think of to describe Evans. Having a 'lack of confidence' was certainly not one of them.
"We can help," said Sirius, brightening at the excuse to cause a little mayhem. "Petal loves me— that's Lily to you lot. You wouldn't understand, we have a very close connec—"
Remus smacked him over the head again and Sirius grumbled under his breath.
"Don't be a dick," Marlene warned. "You're supposed to make this better, not fuck it up more. If you get this wrong I'll—"
"Hex us?" asked Sirius.
"Chop off our balls?" inquired James.
"And then feed them to us?" added Remus.
Marlene put her hands on her hips and all three boys shrank back like they were facing McGonagall after a particularly catastrophic prank. "All of the above," she warned, and then added, "Whilst I paint my nails." She paused and then added, "Not you, Remus. Lily would kill me."
"We wouldn't dream of being dicks, Marls," grinned James. He felt bolstered and suddenly light-hearted. Everything in the cramped pub seemed wonderfully bright and sharp. His step had regained its usual bounce and his gait was swaggering as he, Sirius, Remus and Marlene wended their way to Lily and the others.
"Budge up, budge up," said Sirius, not bothering to greet the Ravenclaws before squeezing himself into the booth beside them, fitting himself between Mary and Ed. He threw an arm around Mary's shoulder and leaned back, tossing back his glossy hair like a preening stallion.
Remus slid in beside Dorcas, looking apologetic, and Marlene grudgingly shuffled her way back to Andrew, which led James to take the only available space left beside—
"Alright, Evans?" he said.
There was hardly any space in the booth and the two were pressed against one another, shoulder to shoulder, hip to hip, legs pushed against one another. Lily looked at him, eyes narrowed and lips parted in confusion.
"What—"
"I invited them, Lils," said Marlene, looking between the redhead and James with a conspiratorial look. Perhaps to stop Lily pressing the matter, she continued hastily, "Andy, why don't you tell us about how you got Chudley Cannon season tickets?"
The others became engrossed in conversation about Quidditch, but Lily turned to James. After the way she'd snapped at him and then how he had watched her fall into Aaron's arms… an odd tension suffused the air between them.
"I…" He faltered, unsure of what to say. It was like someone had popped a balloon in his chest.
"If you've got something to say about Aaron, don't bother." Her gaze jumped back to the bar and to Abbott, who was still talking and flirting with the Hufflepuff girls. "I know I look like an idiot right now, so keep any snarky little comments about it to yourself." Her tone was so abrasive and acidic that James blinked in surprise.
"You think I came to gloat?" he asked, stunned.
A look of bemusement crossed her face. "Well… didn't you?"
James opened his mouth to protest but quickly closed it. It wasn't like he could just blurt out that the reason he'd leapt at the opportunity to see her was because he just wanted an excuse to talk to her.
"No," he said. "Give me some credit, Evans. I was going to say sorry for earlier."
Now it was her turn to blink. "Did you— did you just apologise ?"
"It has been known to happen."
She watched him shrewdly. "You were being a cock."
"A very big one, yes," he nodded solemnly.
For a moment, he was sure he saw her lips twitch in an unwilling smile. "No. A tiny shrivelled one, actually."
"Thought about this a lot, have you, sweetheart?"
"Don't you 'sweetheart' me. You were still a prick and I don't want to talk to you."
"That's the Lily Evans I know. You sound a lot more like yourself than you did on Saturday," he muttered. Hurt flickered over her face and guilt rushed over him. "Sorry," he backtracked. "That was mean. I didn't mean—"
"No," she said. The hurt was gone from her face and she watched him coolly. "I get it. Sorry you wasted your time with me."
If only she knew that the reason he had asked her to tutor him, not Sirius or Remus or anyone else who was top of the class, but her was because he just wanted to spend time with her.
"Look, can we talk outside, please?" he asked, glancing around to make sure no one was listening in. The others were still chattering absently, none of them sparing a glance.
She looked up at him. They were so close, pressed together in the tiny booth, that he could make out the forest green shoots among the bright bottle-green in her irises. He could see each individual coppery eyelash, the intricate mapping of freckles on her nose and cheeks. He could also feel the resentment emanating from her. Despite his better judgement, however, he did not draw back.
Her gaze was fierce and defiant. A part of him was simply happy to see that mopey expression replaced by her familiar defiance. There you are, he thought, nice to see you, Evans .
She took his invitation as a challenge, and, of course, Lily never was able to resist picking up the gauntlet when it was James who had thrown it down.
"Fine," she said, draining the last of her drink. "Let's go."
The two of them stood and James said in response to Sirius's raised eyebrow, "Just getting some fresh air."
Lily marched away from the table, chin up, but faltered when her eyes landed on Abbott and the girls. That same uncertainty flickered over her face. James couldn't bear it. How could she ever doubt herself?
Before her stares were noticed, he caught her by the elbow and tugged her along, pulling her towards the backdoors. Seeming to come to herself, she shook him off and grumbled that she was perfectly capable of walking on her own. He looked up to see Abbott watching him and Lily curiously, his eyes flickering over her before looking at James, interest sparking in his eyes. James smiled without any sincerity, that familiar feeling of annoyance plucking at his chest.
Unnoticed by anyone and masked by the throng of people crowded in the bar, the two of them slipped out the back.
The morning had melted into a hazy spring afternoon. The back of the pub gave them a view across the hills and fields sprawling behind the village. The grassy slopes were peppered with violet and orange crocuses, white sprays of cow parsley, clusters of pink and yellow tulips and tall, blue perennials. The sounds of grasshoppers and the twittering of songbirds filled the air, mingling with the muffled ambience of the village. It was peaceful and James hoped it might work in his favour as he appealed to Lily.
"I shouldn't have tried to tell who you should and shouldn't go out with," he said once the two of them had taken seats on a couple of old Butter Beer crates.
"No, you shouldn't have."
"I'm a complete idiot."
"Glad we agree on something."
"It won't happen again."
"Good." She was determinedly not looking at him. Her arms were crossed as she stared out to the hills and meadows.
"I'm sorry."
For a moment he thought she was simply going to ignore him, before she said, "Why do you care so much about what I do?"
James turned these words over. "I don't want to see my- my friend get played by some idiot like Abbott."
She looked mildly surprised before she was frowning again. "You think I can't tell the wrong sort for myself?"
"You were friends with Sniv- I mean Snape," he said. "We all make bad judgements sometimes, Evans. I was just trying to help."
She glared at him for a moment longer before her shoulders sagged slightly and her expression smoothed. "You're right about Sev," she said. "I thought he was a different person. But I think you're wrong about Abbott. You don't like him because he's an opposing Quidditch player or something like that."
James opened his mouth to protest that she couldn't possibly think that his warnings were for any other reason than him feeling… things for her. Things that made him want to hex Abbott for so much as looking at her.
"If you think he's so wonderful," he said instead, "why aren't you with him right now? You looked like you were contemplating drowning yourself in your meade back there."
She stiffened in her seat, and when he chanced a sideways look at her, her cheeks were flushed. "Jesus Christ, you're so nosy."
James frowned. "Jesus Christ? Is he on the Chocolate Frog Cards?"
Lily burst out laughing, quickly stifling it when a nearby wizard grumbled about noisy schoolchildren. James wasn't sure what she found so amusing but perked up at the sound of her laughter.
"No he isn't." She looked over at Abbott, like it was a tic. She sobered as she met his gaze. "Look, it's just…" She shook her head, cringing. "It was so embarrassing."
James fought very hard not to laugh. "What happened?"
She stared miserably into her tankard. "I couldn't talk to him properly. It was fine when we were walking; he did most of the chatting and I was thinking about—" her cheeks coloured. "I wasn't concentrating too hard. But when we got to The Three Broomsticks he started talking to me and…" She put her face in her hands, whispering so quietly that he had to lean in to hear her. "I froze up and I couldn't speak properly and I sounded like a gormless idiot." Her cheeks were red when she looked at him, but there was challenge in her eyes. "Go on then." She stuck her chin up defiantly. "Go on, laugh. I can take it."
He allowed himself a grin, but didn't laugh. "Wouldn't dream of it, Evans. I'm a gentleman."
She raised an eyebrow. "Since when?"
He checked his wristwatch. "About fourteen seconds."
Her lips quivered in a reluctant smile and— with a jolt— James realised that that was enough to brighten his mood.
"Thanks for trying to make me laugh."
"You're being nice to me!" he said triumphantly and she rolled her eyes in begrudged amusement.
"Thank you for reminding me. I'll add it to the bad habits I've been trying to kick."
They resumed another silence and James pulled out a crumpled pack of Marlboro Gold cigarettes. Then he took a Muggle lighter from his pocket, a cheap one from a place called Woolworths, which James suspected was the Muggle equivalent of Diagon Alley, some quaint little shop full of delightful Muggle contraptions.
With a quick flick, the cigarette end glowed and he exhaled a plume of smoke. Lily didn't say anything about the cigarette, just leaned back against the brick wall and reached for the emerald ring on the chain about her neck. He loved watching her turn it over in her fingers, her thumb rubbing over the jewel that was as green as her eyes.
"Evans. Why d'you like him? About Abbott" James hadn't meant to ask that, it had simply slipped out.
Lily looked momentarily surprised before she turned back to face the hills, plucking the cigarette from James's hand and taking a drag. She tried and failed to suppress a coughing fit.
"These are disgusting," she said, handing the cigarette back to him with distaste. She was avoiding the question. He looked down at the cigarette. Her lipstick had left a pink, bow-shaped imprint. He raised it to his lips and inhaled, trying not to smile.
"You get used to it," he shrugged on a plume of smoke.
"I don't think I want to get used to it. How come you smoke anyway? I didn't know Wizards smoked Marlboro Golds."
"I had a dramatic love affair with a Russian ballerina in Paris last summer and she used to smoke these by the window of her saloon and—"
"James," she warned.
"Remus bought them for me." He stretched back, long legs crooked over at the ankles. "You know he lives with those Muggles over the summer and apparently they smoke these for fun."
"Well, you shouldn't. They're bad for your lungs."
"My lungs and I have a very close relationship— some may even call it symbiotic— they would never let me down like that."
"Arrogant idiot."
"Confident charmer."
"You're not charming me."
"Which, Evans, brings me back to my original question." James didn't want to admit the real reason why he wanted to know what she saw in Abbott that drew her to him. He didn't want to admit it to himself. Yet at the back of his mind, he heard the question that begged an answer; what does he have that I don't?
She shrugged, losing the bravado she had built during their bantering. "I mean," she sighed, "he's good-looking, quiet but not shy, he's good at Quidditch, he's funny but serious, he likes books and he's good in lessons, and he's really…" she looked around wildly as if hoping to pluck a suitable adjective from thin air. "Really… really nice," she finished awkwardly.
"Nice?" James repeated dispassionately. "You shouldn't have to settle for 'nice', Evans. You can do a lot better than that."
"What's wrong with nice?" she asked defensively.
"It's boring. And you like a challenge. Godric knows, you wouldn't ever talk to me if you didn't like one. I'm difficult on purpose." He paused thoughtfully. "Mostly. Some of it is just natural charisma."
"Nice isn't boring, it's—"
"Nice?" he offered with a grin.
She rolled her eyes but her lips twitched into a smile. "Shut up."
"You know I can't do that."
She shoved his shoulder and James bit back the laughter that threatened to spill. He needed to wait a little longer.
"What attracts you, Potter?" Lily asked. James fought to hide the surprise that bolted down his spine like a fork of lightning.
His mouth felt very dry as he asked, "Why d'you ask? Plan on seducing me, Evans?"
Please say yes.
"No."
"No offense taken."
"I don't care if you were offended."
"Apology accepted."
"Apology not given."
"Apology still accepted."
She rolled her eyes again. She'd damage her ocular nerve if he continued to exasperate her so much. "I want to know what attracts you because maybe it will help me figure out how I can get Aaron to take notice of me."
Upon reflection, it was amazing James managed to betray only mild surprise when internally, his heart had been torn in two and thrown to the dusty ground. But there it was, set in stone; Evans wanted someone else. And she wanted him so badly that she was willing to ask him for help.
James knew exactly what attracted him: a cloud of silky hair the colour of autumn leaves, eyes like chips of emerald, a laugh that he would gladly walk over hot coals to hear, a floral name that tasted as sweet as cherry wine on his tongue.
"Evans," he said, his voice scratchy. He cleared his throat and continued, "Evans, men want… we want what we can't have."
She opened her mouth like she wanted to say something, but quickly closed it again.
"So what are you saying?" she asked after a long silence. "I need to make myself unavailable? Seems a little counter-productive."
"No," James shook his head, searching desperately for a solution. "I mean that you need to show him what he's missing."
"Excuse me?" she raised an affronted brow.
"Calm down, Evans, I'm not saying you have to compromise your honour."
"How Shakespearean."
"What?"
"Never mind. Good culture is wasted on you."
James made a mental note to ask Remus about 'Shakespearean' later. "Well, I think you need to stop caring so much. You need to relax around Abbott, be yourself a bit more. Let him see you with someone else and," he took a steady drag on the cigarette, "for fuck's sake, just be yourself, he's bound to fall in love with you then."
"Your sarcasm is not constructive."
James wished he could tell her that was the truest thing he'd said with her this entire conversation.
"Point remains; show Abbott what he's missing."
"Right. So now all I have to do is attract a second guy to make Aaron notice me, even though attracting a guy in the first place is the problem." She made a derisive sound and ground the toe of her boot into the ground.
"Lots of blokes find you attractive." James knew because every boy whose wandering gaze lingered on Evans made him want to perform a particularly grim array of hexes.
"Just forget it. This is giving me a headache." Lily shook her head and got to her feet, making to turn for the back door.
"Wait," James caught her wrist without quite meaning to. Both of them looked down at his hand curled against her skin with surprise. He dropped it quickly and got to his feet. An idea had come to him. Stupid and reckless and with the potential to ruin the last of his heart, but he had to try. "I have an idea."
Her eyes narrowed in suspicion, but she took her seat again and he joined her. "This better be really good."
"Well," James hesitated, trying to calm the excited thoughts now bouncing around his mind, "I could help you out with the whole Operation-Make-Abbott-Notice-Evans."
"What are you talking about?"
"Go out with me, Evans," he blurted, unable to hold the words in anymore. "I mean, obviously we wouldn't actually be going out. But if Abbott thought that we were, he wouldn't be able to not notice."
"Because you're Mr Quidditch Captain Golden Boy Gryffindor?"
"Precisely."
"And I'd just be oh so lucky to be deemed worthy of your affections?"
James secretly thought that he'd be the luckiest fucker to walk the earth if Evans went out with him, even if it was a sham date.
"Not in quite such a patronising way, but that's the gist of it."
For a moment she was quiet and then, to his bemusement, she burst out laughing. Full-bodied giggles that made her shoulders shake and eyes shine.
"You could have just said no," he grumbled.
She shook her head, one hand pressed to her chest, the other wiping tears from her cheeks as her laughs subsided. "I wasn't saying no. It's just… God, that's the most arrogant James Potter thing I've ever heard."
"Thank you?" James stubbed out the cigarette, now smoked to the filter.
"Why would you say that, though? Offer to help me? I don't get it. I've spent this whole afternoon being annoyed and rude to you, remember?"
"Yeah, that's how I know you're still you. Besides," he grinned, "if I help you, you'll have to forgive me."
Something slipped in her face and her smile snagged before she recovered, smoothing her expression. "Right, of course. You want to make sure I carry on tutoring you, that's why you're offering to help me? Quid pro quo."
"I mean, I hope you carry on helping me, but that's not the only reason I want to help you." He met her eyes. I just want to spend time with you, I want you to notice me . "I think it's about time you got a boyfriend. Otherwise you'll forever be a spinster, wiping the cobwebs from your—"
"That's enough, Potter. Thank you for that visual."
He grinned at her berating expression. "So? What do you say?"
She gave him a long, hard look, lips pressed together. "If we do this," she said slowly, "it will only last one month. I'll keep on tutoring you, you keep on paying me. We both win."
"We both win," he nodded.
"You can't kiss me," she said firmly.
James raised an eyebrow. "I'd never make you kiss me, Evans, but it might be a tad difficult to persuade everyone you're in love with me if you won't let me kiss you."
She looked like she was going to argue, but shrugged. "Fine, but if you take any liberties, I'll tell Marlene you broke my heart."
James paled. "You wouldn't dare."
"Try me," she said, this time unable to hide her grin.
He raised his hands in surrender. "No liberties shall be taken."
"Good. Now…" She faltered slightly. "What do we do now? How are we going to make people think we're together?"
James grinned, a devilish, uncontrollable smile that contained all of the James Potter swagger and confidence he possessed. "Breakfast tomorrow. I'll meet you in the Great Hall." He stood up and tossed away the cigarette butt, heading back to the door and holding it open for her. "And prepare yourself, Evans. I've got quite a show planned."
"Potter," called after him. He turned to look at her; she was looking out over the hills and her expression was unreadable. "For the record, I forgive you."
He smiled to himself. "Thanks, Evans."
With that, he sauntered back into the pub knowing Lily would follow later, and made his way back to the table. It was a miracle he managed to keep such a calm face as he rejoined the group. His heart was hammering so fast, he was worried that someone may hear it.
Taking a seat next to Remus, he asked, "Moony, what does 'Shakespearean' mean?"