Chapter 8: Love 2

(This is the second part of Silvia's Perspective on the past and after this chapter we are back to Rui being the main point of view. I hope you all enjoy it.)

{Silvia's Point of View}

After my evolution my mother and I talked quite a bit. Since I'm technically an adult, she revealed a lot of information about pokemon development. I remember her telling me some of these things when I first evolved into a Kirlia. She began by explaining how I'll need to focus on containing my urges. She warned me that temptation will be a daily battle initially since I'll be new to the hormones my body will produce. She also told me it is okay to use others when the time is right. I asked how would I know and she told me as long as it is secluded. I was confused initially until she spelled it out to me and I blushed rather hard. Being an adult means my body will be ready to lay eggs but laying them now in an advanced society is useless to me. Luckily my mother stated I'll learn how to control my body enough to prevent unwanted pregnancies, a skill human females can never have nor can most pokemon. I still haven't told my mother about Rui being my boyfriend. She thinks he's just a close friend and I initially wanted it to stay that way until she brought up my gown.

My mother smiled at me, her eyes reflecting how proud she was to see an adult me, "Now that you've become an adult in our culture's eyes, it's time to start planning your dress. What type do you want to make?"

I didn't feel bad about it... I really didn't. I didn't notice this either until I tried to go to bed and I felt deep down I was excited to kill someone to make their skin into a Gardevian Dress. I wanted to feel bad... I wanted to feel sick but... something dark... something evil in the back of my mind was encouraging it. I envisioned Rui's smile, inviting me to go eat somewhere or to watch another movie only to get him alone with me. I wanted to skin him and make him always with me in dress form like my mother did to my father. Is this what she went through? Is it really what she wanted..? Or was it that voice whispering for her to do it. If so, are we inherently evil? I did my best to sleep that night but nightmares of killing the boy I cared about made it impossible. The next day only got worse as I met Rui at his homeroom to find him unable to look at me. I tried to get him to look at me because I wanted to see his eyes... to see his smile. It took me a while to realize he was uncomfortable with my new form because of his brother... I thought it would be best to give him space but for some reason that thought was tossed aside and I blasted him with psychic by accident. It ended far worse than I thought because it broke his arm. As he laid there whimpering and other students tried to help him I stood with my mouth agape in shock. I wanted to feel bad... I TRIED to feel bad but I couldn't. It was as if my being, my nature dictated it was his fault for defying my wishes. He was human... weak... defenseless and as he laid there I felt the voice telling me he wouldn't be able to run if I skin him now. I suddenly felt sick and ran out of the room to a nearby restroom to puke. After regaining my senses and giving myself a couple of light slaps I left the stall and looked in the mirror seeing my adult form. I'm a Gardevoir... I should be beautiful to him and he should look at me. Why am I thinking these things? What the hell is wrong with me? Is my kind just fucked in the head? These questions ran through my mind and I began realizing how terrible I am deep in my core. I celebrated my mother killing my grandmother to become the matriarch... I don't know when this voice whispered to me... but I think it was a lot longer than I originally realized. I want to feel bad for hurting the one I love... I do love him right? He saved me from falling off the roof when I was a Kirlia. Why am I questioning something I've felt for years?

As I left the bathroom I felt afraid I'll be kicked out of the school or arrested for Harming Rui. Instead nothing came, not even detention. Humans aren't cared about in our system... ever since they lost the last human-pokemon war and forcibly integrated into our society, they've always been mistreated. It takes a lot for pokemon to be fully charged for anything involving a human victim. That's where the main rift in society lies and many choose to just ignore it. The humans that try to fight against the oppression are silenced swiftly and loudly. It's normal to hear several humans were killed for protesting... they don't have that right because they lost. Some are allowed to be happy many are forced to suffer in silence. Did I feel any sort of pity for them? No, I honestly didn't. I guess as an adult I do see them as weak second class citizens for our amusement and that's when I finally cried in secret. I ended up hurting myself and somehow that forced me to feel the guilt I wanted to feel. Spilling my blood to understand the blood I spilled... Why can't I just feel bad? That night I dreamt of Rui leaving me forever and that hurt my heart enough to force me to care about him. So much so I visited him in the hospital to not only apologize but I also gave him one of my teddy bears. It was embarrassing but it was humbling too. He looked at me and smiled... the smile that I loved... and I think that's what got through to me the most. His innocent sweet smile. We talked for hours and I ended up apologizing at least ten times. The dark voices didn't bother me while I was with him like this and it made me happy... so happy. Then I realized something about humans. They tend to be attracted to their females but ignore the sexual aspect when it comes to female pokemon. As a Kirlia I never thought or cared about that stuff but as an adult I can feel it want something. The first month his arm was healed up we ended up spending a lot of time together after school. The voices slowly returned, telling me to take what I secretly want from him. Then he'd look at me and they would dissipate. This boy has a power over me... something so pure it cuts through the evil in my heart. Then came the day I saw him kissing a human girl. It was a trick and he wasn't happy about it but neither was I. Instead of blaming the girl who tricked him, I ended up blaming him. We ended up fighting verbally but in the middle of it the human girls who set him up for the trick laughed while watching us. If I'm honest, I wanted to kill them but Rui stopped me gently and apologized. We were fighting over this for an hour and because he knew I was going to hurt them he stopped me while saying sorry. After that we stopped talking for a few weeks until I saw those girls talking to him for another prank and intervened. I ended up declaring he's my mate and they immediately backed off. Humans know better than to interfere with mates. Sadly even male humans learn quickly it is futile to resist a pokemon who declares them theirs. In a way... it's like being enslaved to our will and there's nothing they can do to stop us after losing the last war... Rui and I still kept it hidden from his family but my mother had her suspicions from the start. She even took time to teach him our culture, nothing too sacred, only little things like Gardevian origins, our language and our standings within pokemon society. I was nervous about it at first but eventually he and I talked only in Gardevian without having to mutter a single word... except I love you... Being able to hear, I always wanted to hear him say it. As his body developed and his fifteenth birthday neared my own began to ache. I was unbearable to be near him on some days and I could tell my strange antics began to worry him. It got so bad I went to my mother about them and she stated my body has reached complete adulthood. My body has fully acclimated to the new change and now it is urging me to mate. At first I said I wasn't sure if I was ready but in the back of my mind I could see myself with Rui. Even worse I could tell it wasn't consensual and I didn't care. The next few weeks were agony to the point I avoided him altogether. Then I met with a Weavile at our school in secret. He knew what I was feeling and going through.

He looked really shady, almost like a pokemon drug dealer, "So... you must have recently fully matured huh?"

I gingerly looked aside, "I don't know what you're talking about."

He chuckled darkly to himself, "Of course you don't... It's only... the entire pokemon population of the school knows due to your pheromones."

I looked at him, worry clouding my eyes, "Everyone knows?"

He leaned against a wall, putting his hands in pockets, "Not all the humans of course, they can only smell it once they've been exposed to it sexually. It seems you've been fighting it a lot lately."

I did a frustrated huff, "Yeah... so what?"

He pulled out a small plastic bag containing a light brown powder, "What if I told you I could help you get rid of all those urges?"

I turned away, "I don't do drugs."

He laughed a bit darkly, almost evilly, "It's not for you."

I froze, "Who's it for?"

He almost sounded like the evil whispers, "It's a powder designed to incapacitate a human for a few hours and induce sleep after a period of time."

I looked at him, interested in the powder, "Will it... harm them in any way?"

He shook his head no, "Nothing bad other than a bit of a headache. It's not addictive and won't cause any health problems."

It was tempting... so damn tempting... "Will he remember what happens to him?"

He smirked at me, "Yes, but what does that matter? Rui can't go to anyone for help. You're a female pokemon."

I glared at him, "Don't say my mate's name like that and I probably don't need that powder anyways."

He looked at me with one eye slyly, "Yes, you really do. Humans don't like pokemon... well not without some force. He's no different. He likes females of his species, not Gardevoirs."

I said, "I'm the only one that dated him, he has no experience with females of his kind and he loves me."

He asked, "Are you sure? He's never shown any interest in mating with you. You know that. Don't lie to yourself. Everyone in the school pretty much does it when they are dating a human male anyways. Plus, he can't leave you even if he wanted."

I stayed silent for a long time looking at this Weavile I swore was secretly the evil voice in my head. After a few minutes I agreed to it and asked how much. He said it's free, he's only trying to help new frustrated females fulfill their needs. I knew he was lying... but the real reason must be to cause some kind of sick pain on humans. Pokemon aren't very kind towards humans regardless. We're more likely to make a human miserable than a pokemon, but the rare exception does happen. With the powder in hand I questioned what truly is right and wrong. With how one sided our society is, I can't really tell the difference anymore. It doesn't help knowing deep down I truly don't care for humans. They're... just weak. Something our society abuses in the light and no one can fight against it without severe repercussions. I knew full well what I was about to do is something many can see as... horrible. Yet we all do it anyways. After all, I am a female pokemon with literally all the power in my hands. Dark voice in the back of my head, and society supporting all my horrid decisions, I walked towards our destiny.

A few months passed, and I still kept the powder in my room. Rui's birthday is coming up and I know that's when I can make my move. Over the months since obtaining this powder I tried getting him to mate with me and realized the Weavile was right. He was no different from the other humans. He did find me weird... after everything we've been through. After he said no and threatened to leave me, I realized it's time for a more tactful approach. The dark voices whispered how wrong he is to think he can even leave me without MY permission. I gave him the space he wanted and changed my tone just enough to be believable. A few weeks of us hanging out like normal and pretending it was behind us really made him drop his guard. It was a little cute to see how easy it really is to make him trust me completely. As his birthday drew closer and closer I found myself becoming increasingly unstable at home from the dark voices cheering me on. I thought against the plan once or twice... but even my own mother agreed we deserve to take what we want if society itself isn't going to hold us accountable. It's always been that way and I realize now why humans were so scared... no terrified of my mother. Rui was especially scared of her because he felt she'd kill him if we mated but that was not the case. She wanted me to in order to seal the deal for a skinning ceremony to help me become the next Matriarch. I originally wanted to... I wanted to make my mother proud and I believed I could sacrifice someone I loved as my mother had... sadly I realized that was not the case... but that didn't stop me from continuing with what I wanted.

When his birthday finally arrived, I found myself playing the part of his perfect loving girlfriend to perfection. Everything I said and did was perfectly calculated to make him drop his guard so he'd trust me. It was so easy and as I washed my face in the bathroom, I found myself looking at my own reflection in wonder. I've looked at this mirror thousands of times and every time I've never doubted it and yet... here I found myself staring wonder who I'm looking at. A Reflection of myself or a reflection of what my kind and mother expect me to be. With the powder in my back pocket I knew It was the doubts, the part of me that just wants this day to be his perfect day. I knew I could just keep the powder hidden and pretend it was never an option... I knew I could... and I should... but I didn't. I chose to act on my selfish inner desires because I knew at the end of the day it would never come back to bite me. Humans being beaten, raped, killed, sold, pretty much anything is common in our world. The humans know it and they can't lift a finger to do anything to stop us because they are weak and we are not. Once I opened the door, the doubts were washed away with lust as I saw my boyfriend smiling while laying on our bed. I left to make hot cocoa for him and poured the powder into it. I didn't even consider draining the damn cup... I just wanted the release. Poor Rui didn't even see it coming...

I smiled at him, "Hey birthday man~ ready for your surprise hot cocoa?"

Rui blushed nervously, "You didn't have to do that for me..."

I gave him a toothy grin, "Of course I did. Mm... you get more handsome every day~."

Rui blushed more, looking away shyly, "I'm... not handsome..." I then felt a pang of depression radiate off him, "I'm not even attractive... if I'm honest... I'm probably pretty ugly by human standards..."

I put his hot cocoa down, worried he's being picked on, "You're not ugly. Rui, you're the most handsome, sweetest boy in our school."

Rui nodded, I felt a pang of hope and happiness radiate off him this time, "Thank you Silvia... I'm... sorry I thought you were weird... I do think you're the prettiest girl in our school... I love you."

When he said that, I forgot about my plan for a moment. I felt like my Kirlia self becoming red with a deep visible blush... and my heart raced. That feeling of love rushed back and I found myself wanting him with me all my life. ... Maybe... maybe I don't have to be the next Matriarch? My mother never obtained true happiness from it, why would I when I am only doing it because of her?

I found myself kissing him hard, pulling him into a deep embrace before laying on my bed with him, "Sometimes you're too kind Rui..."

He snickered, blushing as hard as I was, "Maybe I am... but with someone as awesome as you... I want to be kind."

He sat up, so I asked, "What's wrong?"

He grabbed his cup, "I don't want it to go cold after my cute gardevoir girlfriend got it for me."

I found myself yelling, "Wait-!" But he drank it. Rui put the cup down and looked at me with a bit of concern before suddenly getting wobbly. I helped him fall on my bed and quickly closed my door while eagerly taking my clothes off. I know... this is horrible but I am NOT losing this free opportunity to have my first time with him right now. I was gentle... caring.

I found myself stroking his cheek and said, "Shhhh... it's okay. Many humans go through this Rui. It's common."

He looked like he was in a daze but said, "I... trusted you... how... could you... do this..?" He teared up, "I just... needed... some more... time. Why..?"

As I looked into his eyes for a moment I felt like we were in a void just standing... staring at each other. In this moment I can feel everything he felt. In his state his mind could barely comprehend what was really happening but he felt a mixture of betrayal, anger and hopelessness. I could feel his love for me wane, suddenly shifting to hatred. I guess he's just like every other human in the end... he never saw me as a girlfriend. He saw me as a pokemon... someone who'd keep him from being preyed upon by another female pokemon. Then I saw the hatred shift back to love with so much sadness. In this moment... in this void... I saw his face change to cry and for once... I did feel bad. I felt bad because it had to come to this. I had to rape my own boyfriend because he didn't want what I did. He could never understand how much I really ached for him due to my adult hormones and he never really had any intent to. He expected me to deal with it... and now he has to too.

Our first time lasted two hours... I never experienced the sheer amount of pleasure it gave me. I graciously enjoyed every second of it while the boy I loved was unable to move but still tried to do little things to stop me. It was almost pitiable but after starting there was no stopping it and that voice in the back of my head roared in my ears to keep going. To drain him for everything he's worth since he's not strong enough to stop me. The powder wore off and with my powers I easily subdued anything he tried to do. At one point he said when we finish he never wants to see me again. Amidst the pleasure, my cruelty really shone through as I gripped his face and forced him to kiss me.

After aggressively licking his tongue and inside of his mouth because I owned it, I whispered, "You could never break up with me. I'll just wipe your memory of you thinking or wanting that when I finish. I can wipe out every memory inconvenient to me." I then whispered darkly, "Besides... you stopped crying and enjoyed it an hour ago. Even now I feel your little thrusts up. A weak little male trying desperately to fight his urges but no matter what I'll win."

He glared at me defiantly, "No... I won't let you..."

I grinned at him, "You won't let me? You? A human? Someone with no powers, no societal power, and no leverage. If anything... I OWN YOU."

His glare suddenly softened, confusing me by the sudden shift and became pity, "You know... I thought you were different. That's why I dated you when you were a Kirlia. I wanted to be with you because I loved you. You were the perfect girlfriend... even after you evolved and hurt me I still thought you were a perfect girlfriend. I love you... yet you showed you never respected nor loved me. Why? Just because I was human? I thought you looked past that."

I made our faces as close as possible, staring into his eyes, "You're one to talk, you didn't like that I was pokemon in the first place. You wanted to fuck one of your own kind instead!"

He looked away, guilt radiating off him, "Yeah... you're right. I did... but I didn't. I was worried you didn't love me. I was worried you just wanted me because I was a weak human. I was worried you would leave me after getting the only thing you wanted. In the end... I should have been worried you were going to force me to have sex with you like every other female pokemon in our damn school. Are you really no different? Are you just... evil?"

That word stuck with me for some reason. Evil... is that how I would describe it in his situation. As a pokemon I would say no because one of us overpowering the other isn't the same as a human being attacked by a pokemon. I forced him to have sex with me... without even giving him a chance to defend himself. I used a powder and just did it. Huh... I'm... evil? We use humans all we want and put them down. Humans are second class citizens and we enjoy that. I've watched females force human males into their locker room for 'fun' and get them in trouble for sneaking into the female locker room. That voice in my head whispering comforts again...

In the end I sighed and smiled, "You know what? Maybe we are... but I do love you. How about a deal?"

Rui raised a brow, "A deal?"

I nodded, "Yes... a deal. I'll be kinder, more understanding and won't look down on you... if you won't reject my desires."

Rui closed his eyes, laying back and sighing, "Fine... I agree."

I felt like I won because he finally gave in. He was mine and yet... things started changing as I got used to my hormones and found myself feeling so guilty after forcing him into sex again soon after meddling with his memories. His smile returned once the memories were gone, replaced with us cuddling. I found myself enjoying my time with him more and more. Then suddenly he gave me a gift for my birthday, something small: a tiny little bracelet with a fake ruby that glistens like my eyes... or so he says. My conscience really began to eat away at me when he wanted me... he wanted me and I found myself realizing maybe I was wrong. Maybe I should have trusted him and waited before having sex with him but I couldn't stand it anymore. I was not losing my first time to anyone but him. Plus... he admitted he wanted a human female for that... and I'll be damned before I let another female pokemon or human touch my male. My love for him and his own love eventually mixed into a Gardevian embrace. It's when our hearts become one if both love each other enough. My mother noticed it before I did and I felt guilty. I messed with his memories, head and emotions causing severe mental scars. They were so bad I noticed it began to affect his memory of other things. Even worse, the voice I began to rely on to keep me going is now just... gone. It feels like those moments his smile removed it became permanent and the guilt won't stop festering.

My mother one day said to me, "I'm so proud of you."

I looked at her, "Why?"

She sat next to me on my bed. I was preoccupied with texting my boyfriend and swallowing my guilt, "You did it. You made an embrace and that means my beautiful wonderful daughter will be ready for the next step in becoming a Matriarch."

I looked at her, shocked, "Wait... you mean..?"

She smiled, "You'll be allowed to skin him for your dress! Aren't you excited!?"

I felt my heart go cold, my mind was spinning and I think tears developed, "No..."

She asked, "Uh... Excuse me?"

I shook my head, the tears coming down, "No... I can't..."

My mother looked so confused, "Why not?"

I started crying into my hands, "It's all a lie, I messed with his head. He doesn't deserve to be skinned."

My mother rubbed my back, "If you think he's not good enough to be skinned th-"

I forced myself away from her, "NO! That is not what I am saying!" I looked at my phone, seeing my background picture of him, "I raped him... I raped him because I was impatient and he loved me. Instead of stopping and apologizing I messed with his fragile mind. I scarred his mind for my own benefit. That's not what a lover does. I love him, I'm supposed to protect him, not hurt him!"

My mother couldn't understand, "Honey, he's a human. Their feelings don't matter, their future doesn't matter, and their lives don't matter. They are weak, spineless wretches that deserve everything we do to them. They can't stop us and our needs/wants are more important than them."

I turned away from my mother, "You don't get it... I mean... how could you? You murdered my dad, a human you 'loved' just to be the Matriarch. I was going to be like you... a sick sad pathetic Gardevoir fooling herself into believing the sacrifice is worth it. You know what? I'm glad dad is not here to see you because he would be disgusted with you. You wear him as a cruel sick joke and for what? A title? If he loved you like you say he did, then he wouldn't ever have wanted this. He would want to be with you."

My mother stared at me, not a hit of emotion for her fallen husband, "I don't get it honey... Why does that matter? His life never mattered... I merely used it and he agreed to it... in the end."

I felt my back hit the wall as I stumbled back away from my mother, "Oh my Arceus... I was going to be... you." I felt sick, "Oh Arceus... no... I'm not doing it."

My mother got mad, "You have to! You're Gardevian!"

I bit my lip, "I have to skin someone right?"

She nodded, "Obviously."

I looked at my background again, "I know what to do. I'm breaking up with him."

She gasped, "What!?"

I started typing the text, "I'm breaking up with him, he is no longer associated with us Gardevians. I'm sending the text now."

My mother looked flabbergasted, "You can't do that! He knows too much! He knows our language, some of our culture... hell I even taught him a lot of that myself!"

I looked at her, wiping my eyes, "Can you fix that?"

She looked at me before sighing, "I could... but I'll have to think about it."

I nodded, smiling a bit, "Thank you mom."

She left my room without saying a word. I knew she was angry, she must have hated him right now... but that's not important. In order to save his life I have to be willing to break his heart as well as my own. I'm sorry Rui...

In the end I ended up being with a stupid prick human after breaking up with Rui. I hated him a lot, he is a very rude human and loved boasting despite being the first to turn tail and run. I was still linked to Rui and I didn't know how to sever our bond. I still felt his emotions and it was nothing but overwhelming sadness mixed with confusion. I merely texted him we were no longer together because he was too boring. This lie was hard to keep considering that was quite the opposite. Rui was never boring and he always was up to try new things with me. Instead now he just became a crying mess and I realized too late he had no idea why. Our last day was the breaking point and he demanded answers. I couldn't give him the real ones and used typical cruel insults pokemon would use. To my surprise Rui got in my face and barked his displeasure at me. I snapped and punched him in the face first. The punch I received knocked me off my feet, something no human has ever done to me. When I looked up at him, I tried to use my powers only to realize I couldn't. All of our emotions swirled and exploded within us due to our connection. Without my powers I ended up fighting him on his terms and... lost. He beat me at the cost of ripping his own mind asunder. When I woke up in the hospital my mother told me he was dead. I was still mad and no longer felt his emotions so I was happy. He made me hate him now and I wish I could have gotten the chance to skin him now. If anything... I was wrong to feel anything towards him, especially pity. Humans don't deserve that... and I'm going to enjoy skinning my new 'boyfriend' for my dress.

After the skinning ritual, I moved overseas to an all pokemon school. I honestly hated it there, the male pokemon were pretty pathetic and I found myself addicted to forcing humans for a few years before getting over it. I grew affection for Gallades, their looks and calm but cool demeanor was a huge turn on. Plus those blades as sharp as a knife are to die for with those muscles... After not finding a suitable mate at my college I knew I needed a change of scenery plus... I missed my home region. I told my mother and she said she had the perfect school for me. A college where humans believe they are safe due to one of the campus rules. I laughed at that, thinking of how stupid humans can be and applied. My transfer took a few weeks but it was worth it... until I saw his face again. As I waited with the rep for my guide I noticed a human approach us. I didn't suspect anything until he said, "Ah, Rui!"

I couldn't stop my eyes from flashing in surprise and thought, 'There's no fucking way...'

The rep continued, "Good to see you."

Rui smiled and I could feel hate rise within me but I swallowed it down as he said, "I'm doing well, thank you."

The rep kept smiling stepping aside to motion to me, "This is one of our new transfer students. You had an open spot listed and so this Gardevoir will be moving in. If it is not too much trouble, could you please show her around and how to get to the dorm? Her name is Silvia."

Rui's face said it all and I knew from what my senses tell me, he's afraid. Good. He better be.

(I'm so sorry this took months to write because I had trouble with two specific sections I kept re-writing because it felt awful. I hope this was a good chapter. Please favorite, follow and/or review to support the story! ^_^/)