Chapter Eight: This Love is Mine
It was a week later, and Cas was in the grocery store. He was getting something to fix for dinner. He was heading down the frozen aisle, and he saw Ash. Cas grit his teeth. He came to a stop next to Ash. "Hey, Ash." Cas said, they hadn't spoken or seen each other since Ash had kissed Dean at the book signing. He looked at the other man, who was at least looking chagrined. Cas leaned on his cart. "Are you disappointed that Dean isn't with me, so you can't try to kiss him again?" He asked, his tone cold. He was angrier than he thought he had been. He wondered if Ash knew that Dean had been attacked. If he had and had still kissed Dean without his permission anyway.
He held up a hand. "Don't answer that. Because it'll be a lie anyway." Cas brushed a lock of hair out of his eyes. He still hadn't gotten a haircut. It was for Dean mostly. And he'd been so busy. He kept his eyes on Ash, who was still looking like he felt guilty. But Cas wasn't sure that he believed that Ash felt that way. He hoped that he did. Because Cas wanted him to feel badly for what he'd done. He also couldn't tell Ash what Dean had gone through, even if he wanted to make Ash feel even guiltier. Assuming that he didn't already know.
"Don't you ever kiss my husband ever again." Cas said, his voice firm.
Ash did feel badly for what he'd done. But he also knew that he couldn't regret it. He had had to know. Ash also knew that he wasn't going to be able to say that to Cas. He couldn't tell him that he didn't regret kissing Dean. Cas loved Dean, and Ash knew that Dean loved Cas now. He knew that Cas wasn't going to see his action as anything but something Ash should regret. But now Ash knew for sure that Dean was with Cas. He would only have wondered the rest of his life had he not taken the chance.
"I'm sorry, Cas." Ash said, and he found that he really did mean it. Ash brushed his hand through his hair. "I really am. I know there isn't anything that can be said. Other than sorry. I know you're pissed, you have every right to be. I know I was supposed to be figuring things out with Garth." Ash knew that he had to apologize in that situation, too. He hadn't wanted Garth to think that he was using him. And honestly, he hadn't been. He had really been trying to be into Garth. He also doubted that Cas was going to believe him if he said that out loud. Ash knew it didn't sound like he meant it anyway.
At this, Cas gave him a sharper glare. He didn't think that Garth should even be with Ash anymore. Garth was a good person, he could do better. "Garth deserves someone who will care about him for being him. You were just being with him because you could." Cas snapped, and was surprised when he saw John walking over. "Oh, hey, Dad." Cas said, despite his anger, a smile lighting up his features. He leaned to give him a hug. He was sure that John knew what had gone down with Ash and Dean. He didn't think he was going to have to fill him in. "I'm so glad to see you." Cas said, squeezing John tightly.
Ever since his attack, he'd been very close with John. He didn't know why in particular, it was just something that had happened. Cas thought it might be because John made him feel so safe. Cas leaned back. "I'm sorry if my argument with this piece of crap husband stealer upset you." Cas said, his eyes on Ash as he spoke. He was sure that John had something to say about it. It was something that while it had never even remotely been in danger of ruining Dean and Cas' marriage, had been a really fucked up thing to do.
John cast his glance on Ash. "You know, I've been meaning to have a talk with you, Ash." He said, squeezing Cas' shoulder once more before he folded his arms. He eyed Ash with a glare. "Did you think it was okay to kiss someone else's husband?" He asked, he couldn't believe that Ash had thought it would be okay to kiss Dean. "Dean and Cas are married. They aren't going to break up. Especially so Dean can be with you." He said, he loved Cas like a son. He was family. "Cas is like a son to me. He is family. No one can love my son more than Castiel does. I couldn't ask for a better partner for him." John had never seen Dean as happy as he was with Cas. He would never expect them to break up. Especially because Ash had done something stupid and kissed Dean.
This is when Cas' phone rang. "Keep going, Dad, I've got to take this." He moved down the aisle. "Baby, what's going on?" He asked, as he answered the phone. It was Dean. Then he felt his heart beating faster, Dean was having a panic attack. "Hey. Dean, breathe, baby." Cas said, he wished that he could breathe for him. "I'll be right there." He called out to John, and told him that he had to go, Dean needed him. He briefly thought that hopefully Ash would feel a pang of hurt t that. He tried to focus on Dean as he hurried out of the store. He was going to go where Dean was.
"Are you at home? I'm on my way, baby." Cas said, and put Dean on speaker as soon as he was in the car. He peeled out of the parking lot and went as quickly as he could back home. Thankfully it wasn't far. He parked in the driveway and hurried as quickly as he could to get inside. He knew how hard it was to get through a panic attack. Dean was on the living room couch, and he was having trouble breathing. Cas hung up the phone and went to him, wrapping both of his arms around Dean. Dean dropped his own phone, and buried his head in Cas' neck. Cas held him tightly. "Just breathe, Dean. It's okay. I'm here."
He wondered why the kids weren't home. They should all be here. Cas just wished that Dean hadn't been alone, maybe he could have avoided getting this upset. He wished that Dean wouldn't have to worry about this kind of thing. Neither of them should. "I'm so sorry, Dean. But it's okay. I'm here now. I won't let anything happen to you." He said, rubbing Dean's back. Cas didn't know what had done this, but he also didn't want to ask Dean, it might make it worse. If Dean told him, it might help keep it from happening again.
Gasping for breath, tears gathering and falling down his cheeks, Dean held onto Cas like a life vest. He didn't like this feeling. Dean had been trying to watch tv, and he had gotten a text from an unknown number taunting him about his attack. Dean didn't know when these kinds of attacks were going to stop happening. He couldn't do this. "Cas, I'm so sorry." He said, he knew that Cas had supposed to be getting things for dinner. "I didn't want to have to call you." Dean took some shuddering breaths, he was starting to feel better just having Cas here. He couldn't believe that someone had done this to him.
"I got a text." He said, trying to breathe. Dean didn't think he could keep it from Cas. And he knew that he was going to have to tell him in case it happened again. He'd already blocked the number, but they could always text him from another phone. He told Cas what happened. Dean finally caught his breath, it felt so good having Cas here. He had thought that he was getting better. It wasn't like it had been that long, but he still felt like he had been starting to get past it.
Cas rubbed Dean's back. "I'm sorry, baby. But we'll figure this out. No one will hurt you like this ever again." He told him. Cas was so angry. He couldn't believe that someone had done this to Dean too. It was the worst thing that could have happened. Cas didn't think that he could hate anyone more than he hated the person who had done to this to Dean. Dean was the most amazing person. Cas didn't think there was anyone that deserved it less. "I wish I could take it all back. I hate that you know how this feels." He didn't think that he could do anything that was going to make Dean feel better. Other than what he was doing.
And all he could do was be here for him. Cas kissed the top of Dean's head. Dean was still taking deep breaths of Cas' neck. Cas kept rubbing Dean's back, switching to circles. "I promise, nothing like that will ever happen again. I'll report the number to some of Dad's friends on the force." Cas knew that they would do their best to find out who the number belonged to. It was probably a throw away phone, but they would do their best to find out who had bought it. Cas couldn't believe that they were still trying to get revenge on them for what had gone down with Balthazar. It had been so long ago. And it didn't change anything. It was still going to be the way it happened. Balthazar had deserved what he'd gotten. He was still gone.
"The kids, they're on the way from Sam and Jo's." Dean managed to say, his breathing was returning to normal. He lifted his head, so he could kiss Cas softly. He leaned his forehead to Cas'. Dean's green eyes closed, and he tried to keep his voice even. He didn't know how he was going to get past this. He had been trying. So hard. Dean buried his head in Cas' neck again. He took a deep sniff. He had to get his life under control. Cas was still bouncing back from his own attack. It was something that you never completely got over, either. Dean knew that. He was trying. Dean didn't like being so dependent on people. And right now, he was dependent on Cas. He needed him. He always needed him, but he needed him more than he usually did right now. He hung onto him, as tightly as he could. He couldn't breathe, he was working on it.
Dean grabbed Cas tighter, and tried to breathe. "Cas, baby, I can't…" He managed to say, and Cas was moving to lay Dean flat on his back on the couch, and talking him through some breathing exercises they'd looked up on the internet. Not much unlike lamaze. Dean pulled Cas so he was flush against him, and buried his head in Cas' chest. He ignored Cas telling him that he shouldn't be doing that, it wasn't going to help him with his breathing. Dean didn't care. He needed to be able to smell Cas. He managed to catch his breath, and he said, "Cas, baby, I need my pot." He knew it wasn't going to make much sense, but he did. It was going to help him calm down.
This was probably true. Cas sighed. He said, "Okay. If you can let me go, I'll get it." He said, and waited until Dean had let him go before he leaned down and kissed him. He made sure Dean was breathing again and the panic attack was over before he did so. "I love you. You're going to make it through this." Cas knew now wasn't the time to tell him what had gone down with Ash at the grocery. He didn't want to make him feel any worse, Dean was having a hard enough time right now. Later was okay. Cas squeezed Dean's hand and then went upstairs, they kept the weed paraphernalia under the bed. He hoped the vape was charged, Dean didn't need anything hard on his lungs right now.
He pulled the box out from under the bed, and moved to change clothes. He pulled out some of Dean's loungewear, a pair of Cowboys shorts and a navy blue tee shirt, and pulled them on. His wearing Dean's clothes helped Dean. Made them smell like Cas, although the appeal for Cas was they smelled like Dean. Cas then gathered up the box and headed back downstairs. When he got there, John was there. He appeared to have stopped at the Burger King nearest their house, and was setting the bags on the coffee table. Cas smiled. "Hey, Dad. That's so nice of you." He said, setting the box on the couch next to Dean. "I'm going to get your meds, too, babe." He told Dean, leaning down to kiss the top of his head.
"Okay, babe." Dean sighed, he hated having to take medication of any sort. Unless it was pain medication for some kind of injury. He'd been on so many while he was sick. And now he was sick in a different kind of way. Dean reached into the box, he'd already made sure the vape was full, all he had to do was turn it on. Dean looked at his dad, he wondered why John had stopped to bring them food. "Not that I'm not grateful, Dad, but why'd you stop by? And isn't Mama going to miss you?" He asked, turning on the vape.
As he took a hit, John was telling him he'd run into Cas in the store, and he knew that Dean had been upset. Dean nodded. "I guess that makes sense." Dean hit the vape again as Cas came back in the room, carrying a tiny cup full of Dean's medication. He handed it to Dean, who sighed but took it. Cas shared a look with John, and Dean wondered what that was about. He arched an eyebrow. "Okay, what's going on that you aren't telling me?" He asked, he downed the meds with a sip of his Coke. His father and husband shared a look again, and neither seemed to want to tell him.
"What's going on?" He repeated, hitting the vape again.
Looking at John, Cas sighed. He knew that Dean wasn't going to give up. He was going to keep asking until they told him. John told Cas he was sorry, he hadn't said anything. Cas sighed again. "It's okay, Dad. I wasn't going to keep it from him, just not tell him until he was calmed down." He moved to take a burger and fries out of the bag, setting them on a paper plate. He sipped his own Coke. Then he looked at his husband. "I was getting something for dinner, and then…. I saw Ash." Cas said, and Dean's eyebrows rose. "I wasn't… I wasn't going to say anything, but then I did." He told Dean what had happened, and that Dean's call had stopped him from saying anything more. He had wanted to get right back home to Dean.
"I'm sorry. I didn't…. I wasn't trying to start drama. I didn't want…. But I was so mad. He kissed you. And it went on the internet." Cas was trying to keep his tone calm, but he couldn't. "I just had to tell him that he was wrong. And he was so…. He didn't apologize! I think he was glad he did it! We have to tell Garth that he deserves better." Cas took a bite of his Whopper. He chewed. "And Dad of course met up with us. I don't know what he said, but I'm sure it was something that Ash deserved to hear."
John gave Dean a wry smile. "Don't worry. I let the kid have it." He said, and looked at his kid. Dean was starting to look more relaxed, he was already baked. John knew that he would normally have an issue with Dean smoking, but he also knew that Dean needed it. It really did help him. And he was retired, so he didn't worry so much about upholding the law. It wasn't his job anymore. He knew that some cops would, but he didn't want to anymore. He retired so he could enjoy his family. John then realized he hadn't answered Dean's question about Jody.
"Your mama's working tonight." He said, reaching into his own bag of food. "And I was worried about you."
Tears pricked Dean's eyes. "Thanks, Dad." He said, reaching for his burger and taking a large bite. After he was done chewing, he put the vape back in the box. He was high enough, and he'd taken a tranquilizer with his medication and he didn't want to get too calm. He took another sip of his soda and then ate a few fries. "I appreciate you coming over, Dad. Especially bringing food." He was going to lecture his dad about the calories he was about to ingest, but Dean didn't want to start a fight. Or have cross words with him when he'd taken the time to bring them something to eat.
Dean sipped his drink again and took a bite of his burger. "I appreciate you coming, Dad. Really." He made sure to say again. He didn't want to talk about Ash, so he didn't add anything on that topic. He thought that was over, he didn't want to give Ash anymore of his time and energy. He knew that Ash wasn't regretful of what he'd done, and he was glad that Cas had taken the time to yell at him. And John. He knew that his dad wouldn't have held back. Dean sighed.
"I had a freak out." Dean said, not really wanting to say why.
Cas shared a look with John. Then he looked at Dean. Cas knew that Dean wasn't going to want to talk about why he'd had one, but Cas wanted to know what it had been. "I know you don't want to tell us why. But if you don't talk about it, it might happen again. And we can figure out how to stop it." Cas said, and Dean sighed, rolling his eyes. "Don't give me that, Dean Henry." He said, and took another bite of his hamburger. As he chewed, he kept his blue eyes on Dean's. He wanted to make sure that Dean knew he was serious. "You want to get better? Then you need to tell me what happened." He knew that Dean wasn't going to like that. But tough love sometimes was something that they had to do with each other.
"I've been there myself, Dean. You know that. You know that I know how to deal with this kind of thing. Just tell me. You'll hate it, I know, but next time you won't have to freak out and call me." Cas told him, reaching for some fries and taking a bite. As he chewed, he watched Dean's face. Dean was at a war with himself, and Cas knew he was trying to decide whether he was going to put up a fight about it. Or say that he didn't want to talk about it at all. "You know that Dad will keep it between us, if you're worried about saying it in front of him." Cas told him, he knew that Dean knew that, but he wanted to say it out loud anyway.
That was true, Dean knew that he could say in front of John. And all of it was true, if they knew what it was, it would be easier to handle if it did happen again. Dean sighed and took a bite of his burger. After he was done chewing, he said, "I was… I was already upset before the text message." He wasn't sure if he was going to get anyone to do anything about the number. He briefly told John about the message that had been taunting him. "I was trying to sit here and relax, and there was a commercial for that rape Law and Order on." He was surprised when his eyes filled up with tears. He hadn't thought that he was going to react this way when he had to retell it. He was high and he was feeling more relaxed.
He reached out for Cas, and took his hand, lacing his fingers tightly with his. He held on, and squeezed as he tried to keep from crying. He didn't want to cry in front of John, even if he knew that he could. It was still held over from when he was a kid, when he had to be strong. Dean knew that he didn't have to, it hadn't been a rule, but Dean had just done it that way anyway. He had wanted to protect Sammy, it had been ingrained in him anyway. Dean let out a breath, and tears dripped off his chin.
"I kept…. Every time I closed my eyes, I kept seeing the guy coming at me. I kept… I could feel him inside of me." Dean said, and John's intake of breath was sharp. He knew that he hadn't said that out loud with his dad in the room just yet.
John moved to the couch, and sat next to Dean. He reached out and brushed some tears off Dean's cheek. His own eyes were brushing with tears. He'd known that Dean had been attacked. He knew that, but hearing it out loud and seeing Dean having to react to it, this was hard. John was going to make sure that the guys working the case were still working it as hard as they could. He was sure they were, because everyone knew Dean was his kid, but John had to do it. He had to be that dad. He couldn't protect Dean and stop this from happening, but he could make sure that they caught the bastard who did it. And it was probably the same guy who had attacked Cas. He didn't know how Cas was still just dealing with the fact that they hadn't caught him yet.
"I'm beyond fucking sorry, kid. I wish I could have done something to stop it." John said, shaking his head. He wiped his eyes. Then he looked at Cas. "And kiddo, I'm sorry that I couldn't stop anyone from attacking you, either." He said, and shook his head when Cas started to say something. "I know that you didn't have parents who cared about you, but that's how parents work. We tell you that we're sorry things happen and that we wish we could have stopped it. You just have to take it and let us feel that way. It's never going to stop." John told him, waving his hand too. He turned back to Dean, whose chin was trembling. "I will make sure that I do what I can to make sure that the guy who did this pays."
Looking at his dad, Dean didn't know what to say. He knew that John would do what he could. He also knew that his dad hadn't seen the effects yet. Dean brushed his hand through his hair, and then Cas moved to sit next to Dean. Dean immediately moved to sit on his husband's lap. He buried his head in Cas' chest. It was awkward, but he had to feel Cas' heart beating. He reached out and took his dad's hand, and held on tightly. He thought that he would somewhere inside always be the four year old who needed his dad. He thought that was always going to be true. He was glad that Cas was able to count on John, too. He knew that Cas considered himself a Winchester now. And Dean was glad about that.
"I know, Dad." He said, finally, lifting his head so his dad could hear him. He then buried his head back in Cas' chest. John told them that he would go, and let them be alone. Dean barely heard him, he was trying to keep himself calm and was breathing in and out and listening to Cas' heartbeat. He didn't know how to make this better. He clutched onto Cas tightly. "I love you." He said, wishing that he didn't know exactly how Cas felt. That Cas didn't have to feel that he had been violated and raped. Dean wished a lot of things, but right now, those were the two things that he wished that he could change.
"I love you so much, Dean." Cas told him, rubbing his back. It was going to be a long hard road. Cas knew that it was going to never really be over. It was something that he dealt with every day.
Three months later
Dean was waking up, it was sometime in the afternoon. He had been so drunk, he didn't remember the night before. He crawled across the bed, Cas was no longer in it. He was sad about that, and he found the clock. It was four o'clock. How did he sleep till four o'clock in the afternoon? Dean got up, making sure that he had something on before he went to find out what was going on. There were all of the kids in the living room, doing homework or playing. "Hi, guys." Dean said, he was wearing a pair of Scooby Doo pj bottoms. Dean brushed his hand through his hair. Jamie toddled over to him. "Daddy!" He said, holding up his arms. He was almost three, but he was still hanging onto Cas and Dean like he was younger. Dean leaned down and lifted him up.
He settled Jamie on his hip. "Where's Papa?" He asked, he knew that Cas was probably talking to the birth mother of their last baby, which was going to be born very soon. Within the week was the supposed due date. Dean had already made sure that there were no legal loopholes and she couldn't back out of giving it to them, that had been Sam's job. Dean then noticed that Sam and Jo's kids were there, too. Dean looked at Claire.
"What's up? Why are the cousins here?" Dean asked, really hoping that it wasn't something bad. That it was just an after school kind of thing. Ellie, Devlin, and Laura were all scattered about the living room with Frankie, playing tag or something. Dean really hoped that the baby wasn't coming, because if that was the case and no one had woken him up, he'd be so pissed.
Claire looked at him. "Aunt Jo and Daddy went shopping, Uncle Sam's going to pick up the kids on his way home from work." She told him, touching his arm. "It's okay, Dad." She said, she knew that he was having a hard time dealing with things. She didn't blame him. She knew that he had been drunk last night. Cas had warned the older ones of them to be quiet, and had told Jamie and Frankie to play the quiet game. Claire shared a look with Cory and Ben. This is the one day that Callie had gone home instead of coming there. Claire definitely was Callie's best friend, and vice versa. She didn't feel like Callie was her aunt, even though technically, that was true. She was much closer in age to Claire than she was her siblings.
She stood, offering to take Jamie. "Come on, Jamie, Daddy needs a coffee." She said, she knew that Dean's hangover breakfast food was coffee and bacon. "There's some bacon in the oven, Dad." She told him, glad that she had taken the opportunity to make some when she'd gotten home. Claire took Jamie, who protested, but once he saw Devlin, Laura, Frankie, and Ellie playing blocks on the floor, he was fine with moving down to play with them. Claire followed her father to the kitchen.
"So, you're hungover?" She asked, although it wasn't a question. They both knew it wasn't, and that he knew that she knew he was.
Dean poured himself a cup of coffee, and pulled the bacon out, to put it in the microwave to warm up. It was a massive plate, Claire knew her father. Dean took a piece off it and then put it in the microwave. He sighed. "Yeah." He said, he didn't want to talk to Claire about why he'd been drunk, even if she knew why. Dean sighed again and took a deep sip of coffee. He didn't want to have to talk about what had happened. It had been a hard three months. And the baby was coming, and it was supposed to be a good time. "Look, I love you, kid, but I'm not going to talk about why I got so drunk last night." He said, shaking his head.
"We haven't talked about it. And maybe we will one day, but today, I can't. Okay? We're waiting on news about your baby sister, and that's supposed to be a good thing." Dean said, brushing his hand through his hair. It was getting a little long, and he was a bit scruffy. He needed to shave. He also needed to cut his hair. He just couldn't bring himself to get to the salon. Yeah, he was that kind of guy now, he didn't go to a barbershop, he went to a salon. Cas had gotten him into that, and Dean had to admit, he really liked it. He didn't want to be that kind of gay guy, but only because he didn't want to live to some stereotype. Dean didn't judge anyone who did, but he was trying to be gay his own way. Without sounding like he was rhyming, of course.
She rolled her eyes and folded her arms. "Dad, I know that you don't want to talk about it. But you also don't have to protect me. I know that you and Daddy have both been the victims of rape." She said the word, and she hated the look that it caused on Dean's face. "I'm sorry I had to say it out loud." She told him. Claire brushed her long blonde hair behind her shoulder. She had braided it in two braids that day, it was one of the only girly things that she did. Otherwise, she was more tomboyish. Claire leaned against the counter, her arms folded still. She arched an eyebrow as she looked at him. "You think I don't understand about rape? I may not have been through it personally, but I do know that it's a serious problem that people don't take seriously enough."
Claire's blue eyes brushed with tears. "Dad, I haven't… I was almost raped once. It's not a huge deal, because it wasn't… it's not as serious as what's happened with you and Daddy. Some guy wouldn't take I'm gay for an answer at a party once. I fought him off, and I left. But I know…. I know how it feels to lose that part of yourself that's…. That's in control." She said, and he got up and crossed the kitchen, and hugged her tightly. She hadn't meant to tell him, because she didn't think that it was that big of a deal. Even though she knew that he was going to tell her that it was. She just wanted him to know that he wasn't alone. That he could talk to her like he talked to Cas.
"Hey. It is a big deal." Dean told her, pulling her into a tight hug. "You should have told us, okay?" He asked, and she nodded against his shoulder. Dean couldn't believe that she'd been through that. "And if you know who it is, and you're not telling me, you tell me right now. Because even if you don't want to prosecute, that's fine. I will kick that kid's ass." He said, and she shook her head. Which he knew meant that she didn't know. Dean was glad, that she didn't know. Because he didn't want to have to go and discipline some kid. He was sorry that she knew how he felt. He pulled back after a moment, so he could look her in the eyes. He brushed some tears off her face.
"Hey. You are allowed to feel how you feel, okay? And it's not any less of a big deal than what happened to me and your dad. I want you to know that." Dean didn't know how she had had that happen and hadn't said a word. Before they could say another word, Dean's phone was ringing. Good thing he'd brought it down with him. He pulled it out of his pj bottoms pocket. "Hey, babe." He said, it was Cas. "Is the baby coming?" He asked, mostly to ask, but he was shocked when Cas told him yes, the baby was coming. "Holy shit!" Dean cursed, and Claire smiled, and Dean was practically jumping up and down.
"Oh shit! Okay. I gotta get dressed, and then I can meet you there." He said, and after telling Cas he loved him, he hung up. "Okay!" He said, he was bouncing with excitement. He ran into the living room. "The baby is coming!" He announced, and there were excited noises from the kids who understood what that meant. "Okay. Daddy is going to go and meet Papa, you guys stay here with Claire and Cory and Ben, okay?" With Ben being on the end of not needing a babysitter, he had to include him in the older kids now. Dean was also glad that they weren't having as many issues with Ben anymore. He was finally seeing Cas as a parent, and not having as many discipline problems. Dean didn't want to have to worry about that on top of everything else.
Taking the stairs two at a time, he ran to the bedroom. He threw on a pair of jeans and a Cowboys tee shirt, and grabbed the bag of things they'd packed for the downtime at the hospital. He couldn't believe it. He was going to be present at the birth of a kid. That had never happened before. He ran back down the stairs, grabbing his phone, keys, and wallet, yelling that he loved all of the kids. Then he ran out to his car and took off as quickly as the law would allow.
When he got to the hospital, he found his parents, Jo, and Cas. Sam probably couldn't get out of work just yet. He ran to Cas first, putting the bag down in the area of the waiting room they'd taken over. He hugged him tightly, and then kissed him. "The baby's coming!" He cried, and Cas hugged him back just as tightly. He couldn't believe it.
Jo moved to hug him next, and then Jody and John at the same time. Jo couldn't believe that Cas and Dean were having their last kid. She didn't think it would be. She thought they thought it was. She thought Dean would get a couple of years down the road and get the itch again. She and Sam were definitely done. But Dean was a kid guy. He loved his kids. Jo also thought it was because he hadn't gotten to be there for any of his kids' births. He was going to get stoked about this, and then he was going to want the experience again.
"It's gonna be hours yet." Jo told him, Dean had sat down and pulled Cas into his lap, and she loved the smiles on both of their faces. She knew how rough it had been lately. Jo moved to sit next to them, and Jody and John did a similar sitting on each other thing on the other side of the table in the middle. Jo missed Sam. But she also knew that he couldn't get away from work just yet. She brushed her hair off her face. "You ever land on a name?" She knew that they hadn't even decided yet what the name of the baby was going to be. She wasn't surprised, they'd had a lot going on, and there were already so many kids. Not to mention, Claire's girlfriend had almost had a baby while she was still with Claire. There were so many things.
Dean shared a look with Cas, and Cas blushed. "Um, yeah." Cas said, and then he twisted his fingers with Dean's. "We're naming her Joanna Jody Winchester." He said, and lifted his blue eyes to look at Joanna and then at his mother in law. They both looked at him in surprise. Then there were exclamations, and Jo leaned to kiss them both on the cheeks. "We wanted to name her after the women that were most important to us." Cas said. He hoped that Callie wasn't going to get offended. But her full name was California, there was no way they were working that into their baby's name.
"I hope that Callie won't feel left out." He said, and blushed deeply. He looked at Jody. His eyes were brushing lightly with tears, but they were happy ones mostly. "Mama, I wanted…. I didn't…. I didn't know what parental love was until I became a Winchester. And you, you've helped me through so much. It was really important to me especially that you were represented in one of our kids." Cas told her, and he was rewarded with her eyes brushing with emotional tears. "You stepped into this family, and it was fractured and broken, and you helped us put it back together. You helped put Dad back together." Cas said. It was really important to them that she feel like she was their mother too. They all loved her. Dean had been the first to jump on that bandwagon, but Cas wanted her to know that they all felt the same way.
Jody looked at her son in law. She loved all of them like her own. Jody hadn't been able to have her own kids, and she loved having kids. Especially ones who called her 'Mama' and didn't even think of calling her anything but their mother. She wasn't a 'step-mother'. She knew that Jo had had her own wonderful mother, and so with her it was different. But with Dean, Sam, and Cas, it was she was their mama and that was it. She reached out and squeezed Cas' hand. "I appreciate that. I really do. You will never know how much that means to me." She told him. Then she looked back to John, who gave her a smile.
She kissed him. Jody thought that maybe people would think that her relationship with John had moved quickly. It maybe had. But she loved him, and she loved this crazy big family she had stumbled into. Jody knew that things lately had been hard. It seemed like once they were over the hump of one thing, here came the next one. But she thought they were finally getting to the part where they were going to get t through. New babies were always a good thing. She knew that the kids all missed Bobby and Ellen. She did, too.
Then there was the drama with Garth and Ash. She didn't know what was going on with that, but she knew that Garth deserved better. No one had spoken to Ash since the grocery store incident. She knew that Garth wasn't going to look at it that way. That he could do better. For some reason, he loved Ash. And Jody knew that she couldn't stop that. She hated that she couldn't, but she couldn't.
Dean gave his mama a smile. "We love you, Mama. Our little girl is gonna love her mawmaw." He said, and got another megawatt smile and a few misty tears. Dean missed Ellen. She was on his mind now, because the first kid that he and Cas had had to deal with was Frankie, and her grandmother had been Ellen. But she loved Jody just as much as the rest of them did. It was just, hard sometimes. He knew that Jo missed her most of all. But she never spoke about it. Maybe they ought to change that. Get her talking about it. They had hours, according to Jo. Hours before Joanna Jody Winchester joined the huge family. She was going to be so loved.
I know you love a little late night
Just me and you glowing with the brake light
Silhouettes sipping with a halo
Anything you want, boy, just say so
A little whisper off your lips, yeah
Said you're ready for the moonlight, yeah
I keep you spinning 'til you get your fix
'Til the sky gets lit, 'til the sunlight hits, yeah
I've been given a piece of heaven
Yeah, you're my angel, you're my angel tonight
Did it hurt when you fell from the sky?
Pretty boy, I'm gonna make you fly
See I was burning but you saved my life
My angel, you're my angel tonight
Yeah, I'm never gonna let you down (I got you baby)
I just gotta tell you now (cause my heart can't wait, boy)
You're my angel, you're my angel tonight
Author's note: SO WHOA. It's been a minute! I'm SOOOOOO glad I can get this to ya'll. Ya'll have NO IDEA. And I've gots all these Destiel feels lately. I might do another one of these soon. Idk. It's been so long! I'm not gonna wax poetic about why at the mo, I'm in a semi good mood. Just take this and I hope to get another to you soon! Thanks for those hanging in, and I swear, I'm gonna try and lay less on the angst. I swear I'm gonna try. But if I don't, that's just what I know. And that write what you know adage is true.