Author's Note: Hi everyone. This might be the last update for a while. I've been on a roll since I've had a few days vacation. I'm trying to convey both Addie and Reiner's mental and emotional struggles during their separation through scenarios of their 'new' lives. Feel free to share any thoughts or issues. Thank you for reading!
Jean cautiously opened the door to the bedroom to peek inside. Addie sat up in the bed, propped against the pillows and the brass spindled headboard. She held the child sitting up as well, Millie's head resting against her chest. It was good to see all was quiet, and they were sleeping at last.
Millie had a particularly bad night last night. Therefore, Addie had a bad night. On the third day of her sickness, the child seemed much better. They believed she would be running and playing like normal the next day.
However, at the beginning of the evening her fever shot back up. She would cough until she could not breathe, wheezing and gasping for air. Her lungs were filling with fluid again. Addie spent the night holding Millie upright in her lap while thumping the child's back in order to break of the phlegm that could drown her.
Jean sighed despondently. He had bad news to tell her. Really bad news for all of them. During the night, the psychopath as Addie called her, had faked a seizure then killed the guard when he entered the cell. The two kids escaped and could not be found. Search parties were still out looking for them.
The sky had lightened to a dull gray as the sun made its advance. He quietly ventured into the room, keeping his eyes on the sleeping woman. She is quite beautiful, but Eren is wrong, terribly wrong, because she is nothing like Historia. About the only thing the two women have in common is the golden color of their blond hair and their general build.
Although short at five foot four inches, Addie is nearly a foot taller than their small Queen. She is actually taller than Captain Levi by a couple of inches. Like Levi, Addie did not let her small size keep her from being strong.
Jean would guess her immense physical strength came from lifting and moving patients. When she hit him, even her open handed slaps, each one had hurt like hell leaving bruises behind. He rubbed his chest that was still sore from her slapping him.
Her most striking feature is her eyes: small, almond shaped, and distinctively cat like. They are also a dramatic shade of green remarkably close to the color of Eren's eyes. Their color actually disturbed him a little for that reason.
Personality wise, Jean did not see the similarities to Historia either. Of course Eren had been vague in his choice of words to describe her. Addie is definitely tough minded and strong willed. She is also sharp tongued and foul mouthed. But she had shown amazing tenderness and genuine concern when treating Millie.
There's also an unpredictable and brutal side to her. However, considering her circumstances, ALL of them, her sudden outbursts of tears or her violent tantrums are understandable and not so shocking.
Jean almost felt sorry for her. Addie was caught in a dreadfully awful position, caught between the metaphorical rock and a hard place. It seemed either way she went, she faced death. If she went home, she would be executed as a traitor for having a relationship with an Eldian. Here she was presently a prisoner and seen as an untrustworthy enemy. At this time, no one is on her side. She could use a friend.
He sat down on the bed, rocking her slightly as his weight shifted the mattress. He noticed her arms tightened around the child protectively. Her maternal instincts were already on high alert.
"Addie," Jean whispered. He touched the back of her hand clutching the child's tiny shoulder.
For the first time he noticed how red and rough they had become. The nails were uneven and broken from using the washboard when doing laundry. During the day while Millie slept, she had been helping out with the household chores, washing clothes and dishes.
"Addie," Jean called her again.
His voice reached her, startling her. Despite her violent flinch, she kept a secure hold on Millie not dumping her out of her lap. Her eyes popped open then closed before opening again but only half way. When the child whimpered, she patted her back and kissed her forehead to soothe her.
"I need to talk to you," Jean said in a hushed voice.
Her eyes went to his face, trying to focus. "What's wrong?"
Jean reached for Millie assisting Addie with shifting her off her chest to the mattress. He watched as she tenderly covered her up with the blanket. His eyes observed her every movement as she pressed her hand to the child's forehead to check for fever.
A little smile formed on her lips. Obviously she was pleased there was no fever. Bending down, she kissed the Millie's cheek.
She is going to be a good mother, he thought, feeling heat rush to his face. He cleared his throat and turned away before she could see his flushed cheeks. When she poked him in the back as if to prompt him to move, he lurched forward to walk out of the door.
In the hallway, Addie closed the door behind them. She followed him down the hall to get away from the room so they would not wake the child. Whatever he had to say to her, it would not be something she wanted to hear. Her belly tumbled uncertainly as her anxiety grew from an impending sense of doom.
What fresh new hell has been visited upon me now?, she pondered as they descended the stairs. Surely Marley could not have mounted an attack already. It would take a while even for a half assed invasion to be organized against the Paradis Islanders.
One of the older girls who lived in the house came out of the kitchen. Her name is Sara and she is about sixteen years old. Her big brown eyes blinked questioningly as she looked from Addie to Jean and back. Even she could sense something was wrong.
"How is Millie?" Sara asked, biting her lips nervously while waiting for the answer.
"Much better. No fever. She's not coughing, and her breathing is better. She's going to be fine in a few days," she assured the worried girl, squeezing her arm to further reassure her.
Sara nodded and went back into the kitchen.
Jean led Addie outside. The rooster crowed signaling the beginning of the day despite not actually having seen the sun yet. They walked into the yard. The chickens who had been placidly clucking and pecking at the ground for bugs squawked and scattered in a panic sending feathers into the air.
"The kids have escaped," Jean announced without bothering to preface the statement. "The girl faked being sick to lure a guard into the cell. She cracked his skull open with a brick. He's dead."
No reason to sugar coat it. Besides, Addie didn't seem like the type of woman who would appreciate someone trying to spare her feelings anyway. She just wanted cold hard facts and no beating around the bush.
As anger swirled in his guts, giving rise to the rage and resentment that had become a part of him, Jean watched her face pale as her mouth dropped open. He couldn't be sure if it was the morning sickness or the shock of his words that made her turn and run away to hide behind a tree to puke.
Several minutes and many hard heaves later, Addie emerged from behind the tree. She pressed the back of her hand to her mouth as if it might keep her from throwing up again. Her entire body shook making her weak knees even more unstable as she walked back to the man keeping a watchful eye on her.
Jean took a step back from her as she approached him. If he thought she might attack him or try to run away, he could not be more wrong. Addie wasn't as brave, or stupid, as those kids. The last few days had worn her down. Helping Millie battle Pneumonia while struggling with her perpetual morning sickness had weakened her physically and destroyed her resolve to hate them. Besides, where the the hell would she go?
Where are Falco and Gabi running to? We're on a damn island! Stupid, crazy girl! Dammit, Gabi!, Addie screamed internally. That little idiot was going to get them both killed. Falco, bless his lovesick heart, would follow Gabi anywhere she led, even straight through the gates of hell, without a second thought to self-preservation.
In a way, she pitied Gabi, having been fed the lies and propaganda by her own people to hate their own kind who lived here on Paradis. Reiner had been subjected to the same indoctrination.
Addie did not understand how he could still betray these people after spending so much time with them and getting to know them. All Eldians are all the same - all wanting to protect the people and lives they love. Reiner called these people friends, yet in the end he followed his orders, fulfilling his duties by unleashing the force of the Armored Titan again and again to murder so many of them.
"Dammit," Addie muttered, stumbling forward. She fell to her hands and knees.
How many more people would Gabi kill? How long before that little psycho gets Falco killed?
Addie tried to stand but could not. Her legs were too weak. Slamming her fist into the ground in frustration, she cursed herself for being so helpless.
Jean squatted down in front of her. He waited for her to throw another fit, screaming and squalling. But she didn't. Instead, she sat back on her knees, eyes dry and dull, devoid of emotion.
"So what do we do now?" she asked, fixing her eyes on his face. "Do we go help look for them? I can - "
"No," he replied sternly, cutting her off. "You stay put here at the farm."
Jean extended his hand to her, and she reluctantly took it. He grasped her upper arm with his other hand to help her stand. Once on her feet, he let her go and stepped back to be out of her reach in case she decided to snap.
"I have a difficult question for you, Addie. What are you going to do? Who are you going to choose?"
Addie exhaled noisily in agitation, glowering at him. She had just gone over this with Connie a few days ago. Didn't those two talk to each other? Surely they would discuss every conversation they had with her in order to decide what to do with their prisoner. She could tell them anything she thought they wanted to hear to protect herself, but somehow they knew that wasn't her style.
"I don't fucking know, Jean. I'm so confused. I don't know what to think. All I know is I want to survive for this baby," she said, hugging her belly. Her eyebrows connected over her nose and her mouth turned downward into a hard frown. "I'm your prisoner goddammit. Aren't you supposed to be telling me what to do? Shouldn't you be giving me an ultimatum along the lines of join us or you and your baby will die?"
Jean's glare softened. He looked hurt as if she slapped him again. He gave her a sorrowful glance then raised to stand up straight.
"We're not like that, Addie. We're not horrible people," he said, turning his back to her.
No. They were not terrible people. They did not hope and pray and plan for the death of the assumed monsters like the mainland Eldians. They were not like the Marleyans who gave the people they vanquished and captured the exact ultimatum she stated. The prisoners of war had the choice to assimilate into Marley, becoming a part of their military to fight and die for their enemy, or they would be shot in the head on the spot. What kind of a choice is that?
Addie laughed. A bitter, frightening sound even to her own ears. Jean whirled around to glower at her.
"No, you're not like that at all," she chuckled grimly. "It would be a hell of a lot easier if you were. My decision would be easy if you people were awful and abusive and threatening my life and that of my child. But you're just..." Her eyes met his, and she smiled - a gloomy and joyless expression. "You're just not. You've actually been kind and merciful. And...goddammit..."
Addie covered her face not only to hide it from Jean but so she would not have to look into his sad brown eyes full of pity. How can he have an ounce of compassion for her? By all rights and for hundreds of reasons, she is his enemy. Had he been a Marleyan or an Eldian from Liberio she would have been shot in the head without a second thought. Her being pregnant would not give them pause at all.
"Addie, come on," Jean said, waving for her to follow him. "Help me outside this morning. The fresh air will do you good."
She did not move. She should go check on Millie.
"But what about Millie?"
"She's sleeping. If she wakes up, Sara can watch over her. You need a break. You're taking great care of her. Millie is going to be just fine...because of you," he added, giving her a smile.
Addie glanced away quickly, backing away from him. His little sideways grin had been so sincere and kind. She found herself wanting to like these people more and more. She wanted to be friends with them.
How could she turn her back on Reiner? As a Marleyan, she certainly had no loyalties to an Eldian. However, she loved Reiner and carried his child. But she could never actually be with Reiner, be his wife, and be a family if she returns to Marley with him.
Although a captive here, no one was trying to kill her - well, not now at least. Since coming to the orphanage and farm, everyong treated her with kindness. She was gaining their trust and respect, and they were getting hers in return. She believed they would accept her and the baby here yet she would never ever be accepted in Marley. Should she really denounce their goodwill to go back to an uncertain future and death sentence for her and her baby?
"Hey," Jean called to her. "Are you coming?"
Addie did not realize she had stayed transfixed to the same spot. Frozen by her conflicting thoughts and indecision, she had not followed as he walked away from her.
"I can't even imagine what you must be going through. I don't know what you're thinking or feeling," he said. "But what I do know is you don't have to make a decision today. But eventually, you will."
"I know that. And I have no idea what I'll do," she confessed. "I just don't want to make the wrong decision for me and my baby. I don't want to hurt anyone when I chose, but..."
"But you will."
Jean smiled at her again, a dour, sullen expression. He had been forced to make many difficult decisions in his life where there is no clear cut answer, no definitive right or wrong solution. People had gotten their feelings hurt and much worse, died because of him.
This woman had gotten caught in the middle of a war she had no business being in. She should have been able to stand on the outside like the rest of the Marleyans, content in their positions as the war mongers. They are the ones who shamelessly send people into the field to die in their name while they watch safe and sound on the sidelines of the fray.
Hell, Addie had said it herself when Jean asked the question about bombing the Eldians in Liberio off the face of the earth the night of the raid. The Marleyan Public Security Authority did not set off a single missile because they were content to allow the Eldians, both Mainlanders and Islanders, to kill each other, accomplishing their goal without lifting a finger or "wasting ammunition" as she put it.
For years the mainland Eldians spread their hate and prejudice against the 'Island Devils.' The Marleyans fanned those flames when they first began to sentence the Eldians from Liberio to a living death as Titans, banishing them to Paradis.
When the Marleyan government set their greedy eyes on the island, they took further advantage of the Liberio Eldians entrenched abhorrence of the supposed abominations on Paradis. They ignited a veritable inferno by sending in their spies, their Warriors, to overtake Paradis in their attempt to add to their failing empire.
"Addie!" Jean called again, growing impatient. "Get out of your head. Stop thinking so much," he chastised her. Stomping back to her, he grabbed her hand. "Come on!"
"Yipe!" she exclaimed when he jerked her forward, forcing her leaden legs to move.
Addie tried not to notice the strength of his fingers grasping her hand and pulling her along. She did her best to ignore the warmth and the slight sandpaper roughness of his palm against hers.
In contrast, Reiner had really soft hands. Although he might get hurt, suffering catastrophic injuries as a Titan, his body healed itself. Perhaps that would account for the baby softness of his skin because it was always brand new.
She had beat the hell out of Reiner at his own behest on many occasions. Using whips or chains or even the buckle of a belt, she had left wide open, profusely bleeding gashes on his back. By the time she saw him again, he was completely healed with no scars, no marks, not a single indication of the injuries she had inflicted on him.
"You're doing it again," Jean admonished her as he dropped her hand to open the barn door.
Piles of hay and sacks of dried corn and wheat filled the open stalls of the storage barn. Hoes, pitchforks, scythes, and dozens of other farming tools hung on or leaned against the walls.
Jean picked up a wooden bowl from the table in the corner stacked with several bowls of different sizes as well as various knives and spoons and other small implements she had no idea what they were used for.
"Here," he said, shoving the bowl into her hands.
He dipped the bowl in a nearby barrel filled with dried corn and little brown pellets most likely made from pressing together leftovers of the ground wheat and corn with lard and molasses.
"Chicken feed?" she asked, doing the same with her bowl.
"Yep. We're going to feed the chickens," he announced with a light and airy tone.
As she followed him, Addie ran her fingers through the feed. Performing the homey and mundane chores on a farm brought her a sense of purpose and comfort. She could feel her lips turning upward in an almost involuntary smile.
She had begun performing check ups on the other children. Taking care of the children gave her a mission using her skills as a nurse. Checking temperatures, looking in ears and down throats, and testing reflexes, kept her busy in between loads of laundry and sinks full of dishes. Now she could add feeding chickens to her repertoire of skills.
One thing she was not allowed to do was assist with cooking. Addie assumed they still would not let her help with the food preparation for fear of being poisoned. She could not blame them really because she was an untrustworthy stranger, a Marleyan, different from both of the factions of Eldians. They did not trust each other, why would they trust her?
As a nurse, her duty was to heal and do no harm. However, sometimes she wondered how much longer she could stick to her medical oath. She had already bent and flat out broken it a few times already.
The early morning sun had risen above the trees, the brightness dazzling her eyes as they walked out of the barn. It did not take long for them to be surrounded by clucking and cackling ravenously hungry chickens demanding to be fed.
A few of the impatient ones pecked at her bare toes. She screeched and laughed when the chickens pinched her toes with their beaks, dumping handfuls of feed right on their heads to send them scrambling away while squawking in protest. She had been given new clothing, a long sleeved button down beige shirt and a soft ankle skimming brown skirt, including a pair of sandals. The shoes pretty much left her feet bare with only thin straps across her toes and winding around her ankles to hold the flat bottom onto her foot.
Addie sighed as a consuming sadness crept over her. She was on a farm like in her daydream. Only someone extremely important was missing.
~\'/~
Reiner stood on the dock observing as the soldiers pushed carts of ammunition in wooden boxes up the gangplank of the ship. The crank of a crane whirred as it lifted the tank. The motor groaned, complaining under the weight of the vehicle. It was one of only a few tanks left after the siege of the Island Devils.
He winced at the thought. As much as he hated calling them that, he had truly begun to believe they were indeed Devils. What torturous atrocities would they be performing on Gabi, Falco, and Addie?
Reiner recalled when they lopped off his arms and legs with no hesitation, snatching him out of the neck despite his screams of pain that he could no longer hold in as the muscles of the Titan tore away from his face.
He remembered how Levi had beat the hell out of Eren, not that he didn't deserve it, several times. The Captain seemed to enjoy doling out the punishment at times. Would he enjoy kicking a pregnant woman in the belly until she miscarried?
His overactive imagination formed horrific pictures of Gabi and Falco being tied up and beaten within an inch of their life. Their heads being dunked into barrels of water and held below the surface until they nearly drowned. They could be questioned for hours, denied food and water. Or they could simply be locked in a prison cell. He pushed away the horrid ideations of torture and imprisonment.
If any of you dare to hurt, Addie or those kids, there will be hell to pay, Reiner swore silently, his hands forming fists at his sides.
"Hey! Hey, look out!" the panicked shouting a short distance away pulled his attention back to the present place and time.
Men were screaming in terror, bellowing warnings as they scattered and ran from the area of the crane. The metal moaned and shrieked as it bent, the ropes snapping and wood cracking as the platform underneath the tank broke simultaneously with the crane collapsing.
Reiner could not move as he watched the tank fall, hit the bough of the warship, then splash into the sea. They had officially lost another vital weapon, in addition to the ship being damaged.
"Fuck!" he bellowed, slamming his fists into the wooden handrail in front of him.
The wood splintered, leaving slivers in the side of his fists where he had pounded them into the guardrail of the boardwalk.
"Shit," muttered Porco, coming to stand alongside him. "These preparations aren't going very well at all. We didn't need another setback. But what do you expect when we're in such a hurry. We really need more time."
"There is no time!" Reiner yelled, hitting the rail again. This time it broke with a resounding crack.
"Seriously, man. What the hell is wrong with you?" Porco demanded, grabbing the unreasonably irate man's shoulder.
Expecting Reiner to take a shot at him, Porco caught the man's fist and deflected it away from his face. Taking advantage of the combative man toppling forward, he doubled the force of his punch slamming his fist into Reiner's nose. After a gut wrenching crack of cartilage, blood spurted over his fist and splattered Reiner's neck and white shirt.
"Damn you, Porco!" he yelled, staggering backwards with his hands covering his nose. "That fucking hurts."
"Ah, don't be a baby. It will heal," he grumbled, wiping off his fist with a handkerchief before throwing it at Reiner. He leaned on a part of the wooden guardrail that was not broken. "So tell me...honestly...what's your deal? You're acting like you're losing your fucking mind."
"That's nothing new," Reiner shot back, blowing blood out of one nostril while pinching the other closed.
"Worse than usual," Porco retorted.
Reiner could not deny it. He had been going insane, obsessed and driven like a demon to get to Paradis to save Gabi, Falco, and Addie. The last few days he spent every hour of every day in one of two places. He was sometimes at headquarters in meetings, consulting and planning their battle strategies once on the island. Other times he was here watching and stewing as the preparations were being made.
Porco was right. In their rush to get ready, they were committing grievous errors and having accidents, such as happened five minutes ago, causing setbacks and damaging their overall strategy.
"I'm going to ask you one more time, what's going on with you? If you don't tell me, I'm willing to beat it out of you," Porco threatened, casting a sidelong look at Reiner. "Using your face for a punching bag might help us both feel better. Me for sure at least."
"I'm worried about Gabi and Falco. Not only do we stand to lose two very important assets, Gabi is my cousin. I can't let anything happen to her. That's why I became a Warrior in the first place, to protect my family," he said, leaning on the rail beside his colleague and friend.
Sighing heavily, Reiner rubbed the back of his stiff, achy neck. When he did sleep it was short fitful naps broken up by fevered dreams. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Porco's heated glare latching onto his face. As the man opened his mouth to unleash another torrent of admonitions, Reiner began speaking again.
"There's a woman," he said, staring straight ahead at the ocean.
The sun glinted off the waves and seagulls squawked as they flew overhead.
"Oh, a woman. Do tell," his presently unwanted companion prodded him.
"I've been in a relationship with her for a while," he continued, giving out only small pieces of information in hopes something would satisfy him.
"I assumed you were taking midnight walks to clear your head. You'd disappear for hours then come home looking satisfied and almost happy. I should have known you were getting laid," he muttered. "So she broke up with you, huh?"
"Yeah," he confirmed although it was a lie.
Addie had not willingly ended their relationship. It had been done for them when Eren and all of those assholes took her away along with the kids.
"That explains a lot about your behavior. Losing the best fuck you ever had has to be frustrating to say the least," he said, smirking at Reiner. "Following hot on the heels of that disappointment is the kidnapping of your baby cousin and her little boyfriend. All of that shit can't be easy to deal with."
Reiner exhaled a sigh of relief. He would allow Porco to believe what he wanted to believe. He would not offer any further details about 'the best fuck he ever had' as Porco so eloquently put it.
Turning around, Porco leaned against the banister, raising his face to the sun.
"Hell, Reiner, I'm kinda jealous. You sly bastard. You had a girlfriend and nobody even knew it."
No one knew for four fucking years, then Zeke found out at the worst possible time. Reiner knew their missing Captain who had been conspiring with their enemy was the one who took Addie. He had not been hallucinating when he saw her scarf in Zeke's pocket.
Hell yeah it's a lot of shit to deal with. Porco did not know the half of it.
"Come on, Reiner," Porco said, waving for him to follow. "I'll buy you a drink. Hell, now that I know what your problem is, I might even buy you a gift for all of your hard work. You deserve a woman for a sympathy fuck. Then maybe you can calm down and focus."
Reiner winced when Porco slapped him on the back heartily.
Gee, thanks. Screwing someone else would not help him. Nothing would help him vent the helplessness, the anger, the frustration, and the fear plaguing him. With his taste for revenge piqued, Reiner would not stop until he inflicted retribution on every last one of those Island Devils.