The news that Kakashi was on paid indefinite leave and wasn't to be given any more missions had travelled quickly among the shinobi of Konoha.
Kakashi himself had been more irked about the decision than he'd let on. The missions actually made him feel alive, as if he was proving his existence and they gave him the small opportunity to experience death, something he craved for but could never quite reach. They served as a great distraction now that the haze over his mind had all but dissipated, for if you were stuck thinking about the present how could you possibly let your thoughts drift to the past?
As much as he hated to admit it, he'd grown pretty dependent on those S-ranks.
Following his most recent mission, he'd spent way too much time in a hospital bed. He could be an idiot but he wasn't dumb enough to think he could just walk off the injuries he'd obtained, not when one had been killing him slowly and so he'd spent too much time hooked to strange tubes and surrounded by beeping and the overpowering smell of antiseptics.
Not to mention the patronising staff. "Shinobi-san, do you need more water?" "Hatake-kun, do you need another blanket?"
Kakashi shuddered.
Since making his grand escape from that hell, he'd had nothing to do. No amount of bartering would end up in him getting a mission. Tsunade and Jiraiya watched him like hawks though it obviously pained them to see him. They'd been adamant that he'd be getting no more missions for a long time to come. On the one occasion he'd stolen one, Izumo and Kotetsu had stopped him before he'd even had the chance to leave.
Chunin that were supposed to be jonin and simply chose not to would be the death of him. Just who enjoyed gate guarding duty anyway?
Kakashi had been forced to spend his time around the village.
He visited the jonin lounge, even did a few challenges with Guy to the other man's delight.
("I'm glad the flames of youth are slowly but surely returning to you Kakashi my eternal rival!")
At least he'd been able to make Guy smile then.
Kakashi sighed deeply, at a loss for what to do. The sun's rays were faint and a dark cloud loomed ominously. He hummed softly to himself, a thunderstorm was on the horizon. It'd be smart to get indoors, go somewhere warm before the storm hit.
Of course he didn't do that.
Kakashi cleared his mind and let his feet do all the work. He had no idea where he was going but he didn't try to stop himself. The colourful houses of Konoha soon made way for the luscious greens of the surrounding forest.
He walked and walked until he came to a familiar clearing; a clearing which he'd visited every day once upon a time for the friends he had failed; a clearing which he hadn't been able to bring himself to visit in months since he'd failed his own student.
He desperately wanted to turn back and walk away yet something within him barred him from doing so. Kakashi walked forwards, steps hesitant, until he stood directly in front of the memorial stone. So many names were inscribed into it, some he didn't know and far too many he did.
As he stood there, Kakashi felt the numbness move, make way for something else. He wasn't truly sure what it was that settled in his gut but it wasn't pleasant. His heart throbbed in a way it never had when the emptiness was all that had been there. A torrent of different emotions shot through him and at that time, he felt weaker than he had in his whole life.
"I couldn't protect a single person I care about and I'm supposed to be a worthy shinobi? What a joke," Kakashi muttered to himself with a bitter laugh. His fingers brushed over the stone six times over six names just as familiar as his own.
Sakumo Hatake. The man who'd taught him the ways of the world and showed him the meaning of being a shinobi; the man who'd stabbed himself in the abdomen and slit his wrists in an attempt to take his shame to the grave and protect him from having to bear it himself.
Obito Uchiha. The boy who'd always had a joke to crack or a snarky comment to fill in the gaps, the fan to his fire. The best friend who'd changed the way he saw things for the better. He hadn't appreciated him as much as he should've until he was gone, crushed and halved and dead.
Rin Nohara. The girl who'd always smiled and checked up on him to make sure he was okay despite his protests. The best friend who'd listened to his problems without hesitation and never once had a bad word of advice. He'd promised to protect her and had failed her just as much as he had failed their other teammate. He hadn't been strong enough to save her, he'd been so weak, so weak that his own lightening stopped her heart.
Minato Namikaze. His teacher and one of the people he'd respected the most in his lifetime. The man who'd taken him in and become a second father to him after everything had fallen apart the first time; a living legend both on the job and when he was at home. Warm eyes and soft laughter and fond hair ruffles.
He hadn't been able to save him.
Kushina Uzumaki. The woman who'd been the mother he'd never had and never failed to show him kindness. She'd been passionate about everything she did, never lacking life. She'd never failed to pick him up when he'd fallen down. Booming laughter, a wide grin and a face full of mirth.
Just as he'd failed his dad, he'd failed his mum too.
Naruto Uzumaki. The brother that was his and yet never was, the knuckleheaded ninja who was a perfect reflection of both of their parents. He hadn't given him anywhere near as much attention as he should've until it was too late. Naruto was the second person he'd vowed to protect in his lifetime and the second time he'd broken such a vow.
"I'll be an awesome ninja and end up on this stone someday, you know? Just watch me!" He'd said, a grin plastered onto that cheerful face. Kakashi should've remembered that Naruto Uzumaki never broke a vow or a promise.
He really had failed the boy worse than he'd failed any other.
Thunder rumbled overhead. The sky was indigo where it had been azure moments earlier. Kakashi grasped tightly at the necklace at his throat in search of comfort it couldn't give him.
A necklace could never replace a person.
A small smile graced his face before it contorted into an expression of uncontrolled rage. The shrieks of hundreds of birds permeated through the air and a tree came crashing to the ground with a great thump.
"Why?" Kakashi screamed to the winds as electricity filled the clearing, scorching the grass around it and leaving burn marks on his hands and surroundings.
"Why?" He muttered, hot tears spilling down his face as he sunk to the ground.
Tears. He couldn't remember the last time he'd cried. Was it when he'd found out Kushina and Minato had been among the dead on that fateful night or when he'd first set eyes upon their baby and vowed to protect him? He couldn't remember anymore.
The first few droplets of rain fell and the heavens mourned around him, soaking him in their icy tears. The water clung to his skin like a cold embrace, sticking his hair to his forehead and dampening his clothes.
The numbness had made everything bearable before but here, with it completely ripped away, he found the pain hitting him in crashing waves. The people he had held dearest were all dead or too far gone to ever be brought back. The people he had met on missions, whose company he'd enjoyed though he'd never outwardly admitted it, were all dead too. Kakashi could see the scores of freshly engraved names from his last mission:
Erimi Asahina, with her fiery temperament.
Misako Kirabami, Parakeet, and her sweet songs.
Jun Tanaka and his innocent eyes.
And many, many more. Too many and he'd known and had moments with every single one of them.
The fact he could never once save them, not once keep the people he valued alive was beyond painful. It hurt. It hurt more than any kunai wound. It hurt more than what he imagined a chidori to the heart would. It hurt beyond what words could measure.
"Kakashi Hatake," a voice echoed through the clearing over the sound of the rain.
Kakashi recognised the voice and was instantly on guard, hand reaching into his weapons pouch and teary eyes clamped shut. He was not ready for another visit to the spirit realm now or at any time in the future for that matter.
"What do you want Itachi," he whispered, hand reaching for a shuriken.
"I wish you no harm Kakashi, in fact quite the opposite," Itachi hummed.
"He's smart to be on guard, I know I certainly would be if two S-class nin politely came to kidnap me," Kisame said with a chuckle.
"We're ninja not savages," Itachi's voice was almost bitter. "I'm glad I ended up with someone who actually understands the importance of manners."
"Right back at you."
Kakashi listened to the exchange, getting progressively more confused as they talked. He couldn't fathom why they'd want to kidnap him. Killing him for his bounty seemed more reasonable as a ransom didn't seem like either of their styles and Itachi already knew attempting to get information out of him was pointless.
He risked opening his eyes and turning around. There he saw Itachi - eyes onyx rather than crimson - analysing the memorial stone, Kisame at his side with a steady hand resting on his shoulder.
"Foolish little brother," Itachi murmured as he seemed to read Naruto's name on the stone. A pained look crossed his face but just as quickly as it had appeared, it was gone. "Pain was right Kisame, the Nine tails' jinchuriki has perished."
There was silence for a bit, none of them made the effort to move. Kakashi thought to run away but attempting that could easily make the situation fatal. Though they'd made their goal obvious, they needed him alive. He still couldn't imagine why they'd want to kidnap him in the first place. Before maybe as leverage over Naruto but now that Naruto was gone there was really no reason for them to be after him.
From the corner of his eye, he saw Kisame's fingers twitch towards the hilt of Samehada and he felt himself tense.
"We've wasted enough time Itachi, Pain will expect us back soon and if we're not, he'll probably send out the full force."
"He would take that precaution, wouldn't he? It's unnecessary." Itachi spun on Kakashi regardless. "As nice as this is, I'm afraid you're going to have to come with us now."
"And if I said no?" Kakashi asked quietly, sharingan uncovered and a kunai in his hand where it hadn't been a split second ago.
"You don't get that option," Itachi whispered into his ear, suddenly beside him. Kakashi blocked a strike from the man before rolling instinctively to dodge a blow from Samehada. He got back up to his feet but before he even had time to think, Itachi was on him, well placed punches coming relentlessly.
Keeping Itachi at bay was difficult but manageable, his skillset, his movements; he remembered most of it from the times before they'd become enemies. The main problem was whenever he had to dodge away from Kisame, who was a more questionable variable. Whenever the Kiri nin's sword came crashing towards him, he was forced to jump a fair way back or dodge more awkwardly than he would've had to had it been a normal blade. This left him more open and susceptible to attacks from Itachi.
The pair's teamwork was nothing short of flawless, akin to a team which had worked together for years. Not a word was spoken between them but they always seemed to know exactly what the other was going to do and compliment it perfectly with their own moves. It was amazing- it was going to get him killed if it kept up.
Kisame swept low to kick his feet out from under him, forcing him to spring back on his hands before narrowly blocking Itachi's follow up strike. The motion didn't stop, Itachi's leg came round to kick him, Kakashi caught it and shoved, leaving the man stumbling for just a second.
It was enough time for him to put some distance between them.
As Kakashi finally settled into the right state of mind, his defensive blocks became offensive counterstrikes. A roundhouse kick almost caught Itachi's temple and the man grimaced though a smirk quickly formed.
Itachi spoke, "You're just as good as I remember."
A loud clang resounded throughout the clearing as kunai met kunai, sparks flying each time they clashed.
A glancing blow left Itachi's nose bleeding. The pleased glint didn't leave Itachi's eyes as they flashed a dangerous crimson though. The light only seemed to grow and his smirk grew wider.
"I knew you were still amazing," he breathed, "I've always looked up to you for a reason after all."
Kakashi ignored him, flipping back as he hurled an explosive tag towards Itachi. It detonated with a loud bang and a barrage of kunai were aimed at the spot Itachi had substituted to.
Every last one of those kunai were deflected before Itachi's clashed with his again. Itachi's face was blank but eyes were the window to the soul and his looked as if he'd won the lottery.
Kakashi threw himself backwards as a hail of shuriken rained down on him, most were dodged a few deflected and even less returned. A fireball was countered with a water jutsu he'd copied from a Kiri nin years ago.
The smell of petrichor filled the air, washing away the scents of blood and sweat. Kakashi could taste the anticipation as Itachi came to a halt, coughing softly into his hand as he gulped in rattling breaths.
Kakashi sped forwards, two kunai raised in a reverse grip. You couldn't fight fair as a shinobi and if a coughing fit would be the end of Itachi, so be it.
Before he could bring the blade down, onyx eyes met his, curious but not afraid.
"Will you really kill me, brother?" A thirteen-year-old whispered, eyes warm and tone flat but joking. Challenging. Kakashi felt the blood drain from his face and his hands tremble. The kunai he'd been holding millimetres from the boy's chest fell to the ground with matching squelches before they sank into the sludgy earth.
He stumbled back, movements uncoordinated as he almost slipped in the mud. His breathing was unsteady and his chest constricted tightly as his eyesight blurred.
The smell of dango and firewood had once been comforting but now it only made his head spin and his panic increase.
Kakashi darted into a nearby tree, careful not to slip on the wet bark and slumping on one of the thicker branches. He desperately tried to regulate his breathing and get himself together.
What he'd seen hadn't been a genjutsu but it had thrown him off just as badly as one would've.
He'd been the only one to catch up to Itachi that night, a child dripping in his family's blood under the moonlight.
"I used everything you taught me," Itachi had said, tonelessly. His eyes had spun into the familiar red of the sharingan before spinning faster, morphing into a new mesmerising pattern.
"I used everything you taught me to kill them all, are you proud of me Kakashi?"
Emotions flashed through his eyes: sadness, relief, terror, excitement, glee… insanity.
Kakashi had recoiled at his words, that wasn't the Itachi he knew, the sweet kid he'd grown fond of over the years.
"You're family too," Itachi had whispered, tears of blood streaming down his face as he took a shaky step forwards. "I should use him to test my abilities," he'd muttered to himself, fingers delicately brushing the hilt of his katana.
Kakashi hadn't had time to think before Itachi was on him, bloody katana aimed to decapitate him.
"You're better than they were. If I can beat you," he'd dodged the rapid lunges that the boy had sent his way, "I can beat anyone!"
"Itachi-"
"I'll be the next Madara Uchiha. No," he'd chuckled to himself. "I'll be better than Madara ever was. Madara didn't wipe that accursed clan off the face of the Elemental Nations, I did!"
Kakashi had begged and pleaded for the boy to listen to reason, to come back home where they could fix everything. Itachi had only laughed in response and tried to cleave him in half for his troubles. Fighting him that night had been like fighting a mirror. Every move he'd ever taught the boy was used against him, most of them completely perfect or modified to work better for Itachi.
Eventually, Itachi had made a sloppy lunge and it'd been enough for Kakashi to duck under his guard and restrain him, pinning him to the ground in one swift movement.
Itachi had only struggled for a moment, screaming and kicking and shouting before he'd gone completely limp and scarily quiet, face serene like the calm before a storm.
"Will you take me back?" Itachi had asked, eyes shimmering with dark mirth. "Are you going to take me back to Konoha? They'll kill me you know."
Kakashi had felt his resolve and sense of duty slowly crumbling.
"I'll die, then you'll be all alone again with only ghosts and regrets. It's fine though I'm sure Uncle Obito would agree with your decision."
His hands had shook back then as well and Itachi had smirked vindictively, already knowing exactly which buttons to press.
"You could send me back or do it right here right now and put me out of my misery." Itachi had caressed his cheek, leaving it warm and wet. His eyes were black once again. "I won't hold it against you."
He'd shivered at the boy's tone, soft and uncaring as if he were commenting on the weather rather than whether he lived or died.
"The only question is,"
Those onyx eyes had stared up at him in morbid curiosity as Itachi's face had twisted into a crude imitation of a smile.
"will you really kill me, brother?"
Kakashi shook his head rapidly, trying to get rid of the memories of that night. The whole incident had been painful and his chest hurt whenever he thought about it for too long. He'd managed to regulate his breathing again and Itachi hadn't punished him for forgetting himself in battle.
That could only mean one thing: Itachi was getting tired.
The young man, as talented as he was, had a problem with his stamina - one of the many things Kakashi knew about him. Training didn't fix that problem and he remembered how agitated that fact had made Fugaku back in the day. Kakashi had never held it against him, it wasn't his fault after all, but that didn't mean he wasn't going to take advantage of it in a fight if it could save him.
With Itachi getting more and more fatigued, the main problem was Kisame. There was no way he'd be tired considering it was Itachi he'd been exchanging blows with for the most part over the past few minutes. Kisame had only played a supportive role. If the rumours he'd heard were true (he really didn't doubt the rumours) then fighting him was going to be anything but quick and he probably wouldn't come out on top considering how his muscles burned and he was slowly feeling more and more inclined to collapse in a heap on the ground.
That left the other option: run.
The second he'd made the decision, Itachi's form broke through the leaves, an all too familiar katana in his grip. The sight made Kakashi's mind go blank for a second as his body remembered the pain that exact weapon and that exact wielder could bring him. Hastily snapping himself out of it before he experienced that pain in reality, he leapt backwards off of the branch he'd been balanced on, darting from tree to tree as he began his escape. Behind him, he could hear Itachi's laboured breathing as he got slower and slower. He wasn't sure if Kisame was aware that he was making an escape but if he wasn't, maybe he had a chance.
Kakashi continued moving and when he didn't hear any movement behind him, he slowly started to relax. He never slowed down as he tried to lose his pursuers of course but he started to gain a small sense of security. This misplaced hope that he could escape the akatsuki members came to bite him in the back when he'd landed on a branch of a tree only to narrowly dodge Samehada which had been cruising through the air. Had he not moved when he did, his legs would've been shorn off.
He'd escaped the attack unscathed however, the branch he was standing on hadn't. Kakashi had been about to leap forward faster than he had been previously when it simply fell clean off the tree, completely messing up his trajectory and resultantly ending up in his head crashing into another branch before he took a hard fall to the ground.
Kakashi was left feeling dazed and the pain that shot through his left leg whenever he tried to move it left him under the impression that he'd broken it. Before he could try drag himself to cover and hide until they gave up on finding him, a firm hand gripped him by the hair, yanking his head up to meet a familiar face.
The spinning sensation he was experiencing was enough for him to forget the one rule for fighting Itachi was not to look into his eyes. He didn't even attempt to shut his eyes as crimson orbs met mismatched ones. Before he even saw the endless vast that was the spirit world, darkness seeped in from the edges of his vision consuming everything until there was nothing more.
Kakashi's visible eye had glazed as Itachi made eye contact with him. The dark-haired man had held his gaze for a couple of seconds as Kisame walked out of the shadows towards them, lifted Samehada high and brought the pommel down on the back of his head, swiftly knocking him out.
"I thought you said he wouldn't put up a fight with everything that's happened to him," Kisame said as Itachi collapsed in a tired heap on the ground by the knocked-out ninja.
"Once again I underestimated him. You'd think I'd know better at this point," Itachi replied between huffs.
"I'm not complaining though I wish you'd let me properly get at him," Kisame sighed.
"Hn, you'd try to cut his limbs off or at least Samehada would and we want an ally not an amputee," Itachi said, leaving Kisame to splutter over his and his sword's combined honour. Itachi drowned out Kisame's arguments, slowly turning to the silver-haired man. He really hadn't expected him to fight back, he'd expected him to be easy pickings after dealing with what the past few months had thrown at him. He'd expected him to be broken enough that he would have no problem taking the pieces and building Kakashi up again just the way he wanted him.
That obviously wasn't the case and to both his delight and displeasure, the jonin in front of him had exceeded his expectations once again.
"I guess I'll have to break him further then," Itachi muttered under his breath as he dusted himself off and picked himself up once again.
Kisame lifted up the unconscious shinobi, hauling him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes before walking over to Itachi. The younger man gave a small nod and in a murder of crows and a fountain of glistening water, the three of them were gone.