This is my only Bleach story I've written in present tense. I find it to be more challenging, but I also find it…more rewarding? If that makes sense.

Angst here. But it's kinda like, cute angst.

Chapter Eigghhtttt!

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"Can we…can we talk about…what happened that night?"

The question came later in the night, after we had eaten a large portion of the pizza that was delivered to his mansion-like home.

We were in his living room, sitting in front of a large television screen where he had initially tried to teach me how to play chess. I understood the interest in such a complex game that had so many infinitely possible strategies and outcomes, I truly did.

But…it didn't help me in the real world. It didn't help me survive. I threw the board against the wall a mere 5 minutes into the instructions explanation.

Now we're both sitting on the couch. He's drinking a glass of expensive red wine and I'm nursing a soda.

I glance sideways at Bluebird…Grimmjow. He appears nonchalant, but I can see his hardened gaze and tense muscles. He's probably been wanting to bring it up for a while. I'm impressed he had the patience to even attempt teaching me chess.

"It's…unfortunately a long story." A story that involves shame and sex and sadness.

"We got nothin' but time," he responds, again trying to appear nonchalant. He changes the television channel to the History channel. Something I highly suspect he doesn't have an actual interest in, yet he stares at it like this is the information he's been yearning for all his life.

I don't care if we have years to talk about this, I just don't fucking want to. Rukia is the only one who knows my story, and for so long I had planned on keeping it that way.

But…Lank and Thick had threatened Grimmjow too. Both of our lives are on the line; I can't leave him vulnerable because I'm too much of a wimp to lay it all out in front of him.

I wrack my brain for their real names. "I-I know that you know Yammy. You brought him up at Rukongai."

He doesn't skip a beat. "That's the day you said you'd be right back, and then I didn't see you for a week."

I scratch my hair awkwardly. "Right…Him and Nnoitra. They are both a…messy part of my past."

Grimmjow is still gripping the remote, and his fingers are turning white from holding it so tightly. I wonder if he immediately knows who I'm talking about. How many people could he have under his reign? 100? 200? More? I wonder if he knows Nnoitra or if it's just some name on a list.

He says nothing, and I continue. "You've met the…guy. The brain-damaged man who occasionally comes to Rukongai..." I wait for him to signal recognition. He gives the barest nod, and I continue, "Well I was…there at his home when he was shot. The yakuza got to him because of unpaid debts. Apparently the guy had been a big gambler, got in over his head."

I can feel the slightest tremor in my hands, and I shove them between my knees. Now is not the time to show weakness.

I'm about to fucking tell him a story about me being weak. No need to emphasize it.

"Yammy and Nnoitra were there, and I guess saw me as…a-a prize. They knocked me out and took me to…" I shrug my shoulders, still avoiding eye contact. "Wherever your yakuza lair is, I don't know." I remember being stuck in just one room, naked, for the entirety of my captivity. When they finally got bored of me I was blindfolded, knocked unconsciousness, and thrown onto a subway. I woke up to a homeless man poking me with his cane asking if he could have my spot.

I completely skip over the contents of what happened at the yakuza lair. I'm hoping it's implied. "They let me go once they were bored of me, and I tried to build back the pieces of my life. I'd finally gotten in a good place. Made friends, got my job at Rukongai. And now, they..."

I sigh sadly, avoiding eye contact. "They…want me back. Showed up in the alleyway and at Rukongai, I guess to send a message that they weren't fucking around." I duck my head and let my hair shield my eyes. I'm ashamed of myself. I feel so fucking stupid.

Grimmjow is silent for a long moment. Then, "Nnoitra and Yammy, they…they want you back for…what?" Fear. Uncertainty. He's passionately clinging to denial right now (not long ago he found me beaten and covered in cum). He knows the answer to his own question; he just doesn't want to believe it.

What he doesn't know is there are many more culprits than just Nnoitra and Yammy. But those others are in the past. No need to provide unnecessary information.

I swallow audibly, and I want to melt into the ground and never return. I have to remind myself he has a right to know. His life is at risk as well.

"They had…u-used my body. I was a good…" I try to think of a civil way to say it, and I sneer, "stress relief for them."

My eyes are shut tight, and my hands are trembling. I kept it kid-friendly, but also enough to dissipate his denial.

For too long I hear nothing from the other side of the sofa. I'm getting anxious, and don't know what to expect. Will he laugh at me, judge me? Promptly kick me out of his house in shame? Will I be swiftly uprooted from this place to never see him again?

…Will he stop coming to Rukongai because he's so disgusted by me?

I want to die. I want to melt into this plush, expensive sofa never to be seen again. That would be the most appropriate ending to my insignificant life.

For an agonizingly long moment, silence is my only answer. I'm looking down at my lap, staring at one of the veins more prominent on my forearm. I don't know what to expect, I don't know what to do.

From my periphery I suddenly see Grimmjow stand, and I briskly look to face him.

But his back is turned to me, which is oddly unexpected. I think I hear him mutter "I'll be right back," before he's strutting away from me determinedly. He leaves the living room, and in my shock I don't get up to follow.

He's out of sight. There's a brief moment of eerie silence before a thunderous crash nearly throws me to my feet. It's sheer will that keeps me planted on the sofa.

It sounded like a…collision of two things? Like something heavy (a piece of furniture?) was just violently thrown into the wall.

Jesus fucking hell what is happening? And is he about to unleash his rage on me?

My heart is still beating a thousand beats a minute when it slowly, so slowly, dawns on me.

What am I thinking? Grimmjow…Grimmjow fucking cares about me. In my moment of insecurity, I had allowed myself to forget something so quintessential.

He's behaving like this because the fucker is yakuza. He's pissed and distressed (it was me who hurt him…). And…he needs to unleash that emotion in the form of non-human violence.

I take a deep sigh. Fuck. Well...I mean, it could be worse.

There's another crash, an even bigger explosion of noise so loud it feels like the entire framework of the building is vibrating. Then one second passes, two, three. I am now met only with deafening silence.

Slowly, Bluebird reappears at the doorway. His chest is expanding, in and out, from the exertion of catapulting shit into the wall. I hope he didn't break anything important.

"Sorry..." he mutters.

Grimmjow grits his teeth and his hands are fisted so tight his knuckles turn white. He's visibly trying to stop himself from hurling another random object. I feel like I need to intervene before he destroys his whole goddamn house.

I stand, and we meet each other halfway. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry if I was too crass about—"

He interrupts me. "No...you didn't do shit. I'm just..." Suddenly his anger turns to misery, and his snarl becomes a grimace. His blue eyes are full of emotions, emotions I can't fully decipher. "I'm fuckin' sorry Strawberry..."

He sighs, and he gets into my personal space in a way I'm not expecting. He takes a step forward and leans his head into my shoulder.

"Fuck!" He yells, startling me, but I don't back away. He carefully grasps the back of my neck. Despite my 5'11" height, standing beside him I feel infinitely small. He's taller and bigger than me, and for some reason I want to burrow my face in his chest. His voice cracks as he moans, "I'm so fuckin' sorry I wasn't there. I'm so sorry I didn't know." I can't see his features, but he sounds like he's crying.

I shake my head against his shoulder. "It wasn't your fault Grimmjow. You didn't know."

"Yeah well I should have."

He's drowning in his own self-hatred, and I don't know how to fix this. I wrap my arms around his lower back, clinging to the warmth of his body.

"Fuck..." He barely mutters under his breath, nothing more than a whisper. Then he abruptly squeezes me tighter. He begs, "Please don't hurt yourself Strawberry, or try to…do anything. I'll protect you, I swear to fuckin' god, but fuckin' promise you won't do anything crazy." I can feel his body quivering against mine.

I…I don't know where this is coming from. When have I ever given him the impression I'm suicidal? Sure, life's been rough for me. But, I'd like to think I'm handling it okay?

But then it dawns on me. Of course, his sister...

I don't know details of her horror, or what she had to go through. But…realistically, my sorrows are likely far more horrific than hers (Grimmjow doesn't even know the truth. He doesn't even know Nnoitra and Yammy are just the tip of the iceberg).

That must be why Grimmjow is worried. He thinks if his sister was on that ledge because of her past, then maybe I am too.

I smile sadly to myself, and one of my hands lightly rubs his back. "I promise Grimm. I'm not going anywhere."

It's like that's what he was waiting to hear, that's what he's needed to hear this whole time. He immediately pulls me in closer, and the scent of him almost makes me lightheaded. He exhales onto the back of my neck, and a chill races up and down my spine. Fuck.

I can't begin to explain the intricate, foreign emotions I'm feeling right now. Grimmjow's strong embrace, his intoxicating scent, his affection.

He…He fucking cares. The god I don't believe in listened to the prayer I never spoke. God sent me Grimmjow.

I suddenly feel delirious, drunk on a feeling so foreign and beautiful. His body heat is a furnace I can't get enough of. Feeling the warmth from his body flowing onto mine, for a brief moment, it feels like we are intertwined and whole.

And…I don't hate the feeling.

I can barely hear him whispering repetitively in my ear. "I swear I'll protect you you're gonna be okay I gotchu. I won't let anything happen to you ever again I promise I'll keep you safe."

One tear falls down my cheek, then another. A third, a fourth.

The dam breaks, and I break with it. I cry more in Grimmjow's arms tonight than I did even in my time of captivity.

And it feels…freeing.

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Grimmjow's POV

I hold him long after he falls asleep in my arms.

I cradle him now as if he's my entire world, as if I have forgotten what life is like outside of our entangled limbs.

His words repeat in my brain, over and over, each feeble sentence a stabbing pain through my heart. My devastation could destroy a city, and even as I listened to the screams and cries of burning victims, still, still they would not feel the same torment I feel now.

Because this…this feels like I'm burning alive. This boy in my arms, who I have grown so goddamn affectionate for, was hurt. Hurt by my own people!

I grit my teeth and my hands tremble. I feel the urge to inflict pain, to break limbs, and I have to force myself to be careful as I cradle Ichigo tighter.

Yammy LLargo and Nnoitra Gilga…Those two are going to face a fate so brutal they will think hell has been unleashed and the four horsemen have arrived for the apocalypse. Their sins will not go unpunished. I look forward to making their personal apocalypse very, very slow.

I have not hurt like this since I lost Nel. A day where my grief had been so insufferable I thought I was going to explode from the trauma.

But I survived it. And Ichigo survived his trauma. And he's not going to be alone, not again.

Since I met him, Ichigo has demonstrated being standoff-ish and distant. A sarcastic shit who doesn't want to get close to anyone. I can't fault him for that, because humans are evil. Humans are corrupt and selfish and only exist for their own gain. He has seen that firsthand.

Ichigo is like an intricate puzzle I want to solve. I still have several pieces missing, and it looks like a few of the puzzle pieces are bent or broken or fucked up, but…I don't care. I want him. I need him.

I don't know what draws me so intensely to this man. Just months ago I had been ruthless, uncaring, and I bulldozed over people to get what I wanted. It was easy when I didn't feel anything, or care how it affected others. I'm the yakuza boss to the biggest faction in the northeast, Pantera. I can't afford to have feelings.

But he's become almost ingrained in me. I'm a cancer and he's my cure, I can't live without him. I don't know why I have put more effort into this man, than I've put into all my past sexual flings and dates and friendships combined.

I squeeze him tighter to my body, adjusting him so that his head can rest more comfortably in the crook of my neck. His breath on the nape of my neck gives me goosebumps, and my arm hairs stand on edge.

When Ichigo had admitted to his past, that he'd been…raped by my people, my reaction had been instantaneous. Fury, misery, agony. I had fallen into a dark vortex I could barely crawl out of (in some ways I'm still there).

Holding him in my arms now is intoxicating, and it helps remind me he's alive, I can still protect him. To feel his skin on my skin, to feel him and know he is tangible, that he's safe and in my home and not with my fucking goons who are about to be slaughtered very, very slowly.

Fuck. I'm growing fucking insane. Nel would be so embarrassed for me.

For now, I try to remove myself. Stop thinking about the pain. Just focus on getting Strawberry better.

My phone vibrates in my pocket. Careful not to disturb Ichigo, I fetch it out and see I received a text from Starrk. My right-hand man.

I read the text with dark pleasure, and I'm practically oozing with excitement.

Focus on getting Ichigo better, and then afterward…?

Infinite revenge.

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Ichigo's POV

I dream that I'm drowning. All around me is water, all inside me is water as it fills my mouth and lungs, overflowing me like a fountain. I'm terrified. I try to scream but it only causes more water enter my body. How did I get this deep? How did I get so lost?

I'm being pulled deeper and deeper into the depths. I look up and see people above the water surface, out of reach. They're calling to me, telling me I'm going the wrong way. They seem concerned for my well-being, and they're crying out to me. They're scared for me. Crying.

Suddenly I re-appear on the docks. I'm soaking wet and filled with dread. I'm wet, but at least I'm on dry land again.

Those once concerned, outreaching hands are suddenly claws that clamp down on me. Their faces are yakuza, and I see Thick and Lank among them. Their gray teeth snarl and call out, "mine, mineee. " "You've only ever been a slut! That's all you're good for." "Time to die. " "Weren't you told to open wide? "Wake up Ichigo!"

My skin tears away like confetti as the claws dig deeper, deeper. Blood is everywhere, my blood. My life is flashing before my eyes.

"Strawberry wake the hell up!"

A huge human hand shoves on my shoulder—

And suddenly I fall face first on the floor.

I gasp, loud and guttural as if it's my last, as if it was my first time coming up for air in a year. I'm panting like I'm dying, and I immediately take in my surroundings. My head swivels, searching for the danger I can't see. Taking in my surroundings, it takes me long seconds to realize I'm in Grimmjow's living room. Grimmjow is looking at me with a concern equivalent to a husband losing his wife to cancer. He looks…devastated? Devastated for what I'm going through and devastated that all he can do is watch.

"Ichigo. Ichigo are you okay? You were having a bad dream."

My clothes are soaked. Not with water, but with my own sweat. It's been awhile since I've had a dream so vivid. Fuck…that didn't feel like a dream.

I repeat my own thoughts. "F-Fuck…" I run a shaky hand through my hair. "Fuck, s-sorry. I got your sofa wet."

Grimmjow snorts. "Stop with that shit." He gets on the floor beside me, his gaze never leaving me. Bluebird raises a hesitant hand, and he seems uncertain if he should touch me, "Come on, let's get you up…Easy now."

I don't complain as he treats me like a damsel. I'm too tired to bitch at him, I'll do it later.

I sit back on the sofa. It stabilizes me somehow, helps me orient to my surroundings.

I avoid looking at him. In fact I don't want to look at anything blue right now.

I glance at the TV and see the History Channel is still playing. Had Grimmjow actually been watching this while I slept, or was he spending his time with something else?

My cheeks turn the barest pink. I had…I had fallen asleep on top of him. After I started sobbing my fucking eyes out Grimmjow cradled me like I was something precious. He had led me to the sofa, pet my hair, and rocked me in his lap until I was all cried out and fell asleep.

That's the same exact response you have toward a child throwing a temper tantrum. Fuck I'm just a little bitch.

I try to find humor in a shitty situation. "You got one good shot in Bluebird, that's all you get."

Because I knew the only way he could wake me from that horrid nightmare was for him to actually push me off the sofa. My shoulder still has the barest twinge, which confirms my suspicions.

"Let's not make a habit of it. Fuck that makes me need another drink." He eyes his empty wine glass with a scowl.

"Sorry."

"Stop apologizing."

There's a moment of silence, and I can tell he's watching me, subtly glancing before turning his eyes back to the television.

I'm appreciative he's worried about me. My dream…that convincing nightmare that still plays like a video recording in the back of my mind. I can feel the grabbing hands, the teeth biting into my flesh.

I wish I had music to blast against my ears so loudly that I can't hear my own thoughts. Then I think back to a conversation Grimmjow and I had what seems like forever ago...

A thought comes to mind. "Hey Bluebird…"

I say it with a voice that makes Grimmjow pause. He looks at me intently, and with a head tilted curiously. I ask, "You wanna share some of that wine?" I glance at the chess board and scattered chess pieces I had thrown into the wall. "Get plastered, and we try out that stupid game again?"

His eyebrows rise high onto his forehead. "You…you wanna drink?" He seems too stunned to say anything else.

If we're truth-telling, I'm just as shocked with myself. I've never trusted anyone enough to drink with them. I've always wanted a clear head, I've always wanted to be ready if I needed to defend myself.

But for a reason I'm not quite ready to dissect…I actually want to fucking do this with him.

His gaze hasn't deviated from me. "And you're sure?"

Questioning me? I irrationally want to grumble and axe the whole fucking thing now. How dare he question me, I'm a grown ass adult.

But…part of me also feels unsure, and maybe that's why I'm bothered. I don't like that he mimics my uncertainty. Maybe that means it's…a bad idea?

But my nightmare is still gripping me tightly, I still feel engulfed in its presence. And…and I need an escape!

He takes a step forward, then another. I had stubbornly looked away, but I meet his gaze now. "I'm gonna keep you safe…okay Ichi?" His eyes are ablaze as they stare into mine. "Whether you drink one glass or ten. You're safe with me."

I swallow audibly. I suddenly feel so affected I can feel wetness behind my eyes. My wave of doubt vanishes like it never existed.

I feel oddly emotional. There's an ache in my heart that I've never felt before, and I'm drowning in it.

Grimmjow smiles and throws me a lifeline. "Let's get wasted, then I'll wipe your ass with this game." He gestures to the chess board.

I can still feel myself engulfed in emotion. I've never felt more safe. "Wipe my ass gently please."

He laughs, and it's so genuine my heart skips a beat. He stands, and he holds a hand out to me in waiting. I stare at it in awe before taking it.

He pulls me to my feet, then lightly kisses my forehead. "Hell no, I'm fucking you up."

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Next chapter = cuteness ensues.

Hope everyone enjoyed! ^_^