Happy Moonlit Monday!!! Thank you to all my reviewers!

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And another big thank you to everyone following and favoriting this story. Much appreciated!

Songs to set the mood to:

Hot Rod by Dayglow- while Bella is at work through her talk with Esme

Dancing with Your Ghost by Sasha Sloan- during Alice and Bella talk til the end

As always, I do not own any of the Twilight Saga.

"Nessie, you don't need to stay home from school just to keep an eye on me," I assured her, packing up her lunch as she ate breakfast.

She had been arguing with me all morning about the prospect of her going back to school today. She first tried to argue that it would look suspicious if she went back after I called the office stating she was sick yesterday. I reminded her that the office didn't tend to argue with the parent for pulling their own children out of school for a day, especially when the child was so far advanced in her studies. Then it turned into trying to fake that she wasn't feeling well today, which was easy to call out when her mother had heightened senses. Then, she finally decided to tell part of the truth, which was she was worried about me after my episode yesterday. The other part of the truth that she wouldn't tell me was that she just wanted to spend more time with the Cullens. She was as enamored by them as they were with her and wanted to spend time with all of them now that the initial anxiety of meeting them saw over with.

She said around a bite full of eggs, "But what if you get all weird again today? No one was able to get through to you except me. What if you need me to pull you out again?"

"Then Jacob will come pick you up. But you are not missing another full day of school just because you want to hang out with the Cullens. The people who live with us," I reminded her. "You can see them after school."

She pouted. "Moooom," she whined. "Please." She batted her eyelashes at me, trying to look cute.

I rose an eyebrow and smirked. "Nice try but I have more will power than Jacob."

"Hey!" We heard him object from the other room. Snickers followed from various places in the house.

I handed her her lunch and kissed the top of her head. "Go before you're late," I warned her, going to get changed for work. I chuckled as I heard her groan but listen to me and leave with Jake. I rushed into mine and Nessie's shared room and changed into my work uniform quickly, heading downstairs.

Emmett was watching the news and Jasper and Alice were working on schoolwork when I walked into the living room. Rosalie was no where to be found. Her and Emmett had come back in the early hours of the morning and while Emmett looked better, Rosalie had stomped upstairs to their room and had not come out since.

The three of them looked up when I approached, taking in my uniform. "What are you wearing," Alice hissed, looking offended.

"They're my work clothes," I said, feeling suddenly defensive over them. The diner had a pretty loose dress code, which I loved. We were able to wear denim and accessorize how we wanted, we just had to wear the diner's orange with red embellishment shirt and an apron. I kept the apron at work for the most part, only taking it home to clean it every few days or when a baby threw food at me and it got stained.

"You work?" Jasper asked, trying to change the subject before Alice could tear the shirt apart both with her words or physically.

I nodded. "At the diner. I'm a waitress." I looked at my watch. "And I'm going to be late if I don't get going now."

As I hurried off to my motorcycle, I heard Emmett chuckle. "Ah how tragic. We leave and she's forced to join the ranks of the over work and under paid. The real tragedy of the last five years." I rolled my eyes and sped off. Nice to know he could joke about it.

The diner wasn't as packed as it normally was, but for once I was glad. Vampires were extremely good with multitasking, but I was having problems focusing. More than once I had to apologize profusely for bringing a table's food out too late, having been too much in my own head to remember. My manager, Kathy, decided to banish me to refilling coffee and restocking supplies behind the safety of the counter. It meant tips wouldn't be as good today, but judging by how I was operating out from the counter, I wouldn't have gotten much anyways.

I couldn't wrap my head around anything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours. The Cullens were back and living with us. They knew everything now, which apparently they didn't. Why didn't he tell them? If they were so set on leaving anyways, what difference would it have made if they knew we shared a night together? Why did it change anything now? Maybe it was scandalous to them. They were all born in very different centuries from the one we were living in now, one where you didn't share a bed before you were married. Was he too ashamed to admit he had given in to temptation like that, so he didn't tell them? That would partly explain the reactions they had when they found out the truth.

Rosalie's words kept replaying in my head, though. "He used her, lied to her, and just left her here to pick up the pieces, Carlisle." Sure, I knew that I was convenient for him in the moment. He had needs that required attention and I was there, more than willing to give myself to him in that way. While I don't entirely regret that night because it gave me the greatest person in my life today, I could see how he did just use me. I was nothing more than a warm body. But he lied to me? I couldn't see it. The only lies I guess he told me where that he loved me, he wouldn't leave me, and it would be like they never existed, and the last one wasn't even his fault it was broken. Everything else he told me was true...wasn't it? It never made sense for someone like him to love someone like me. He was perfect, in every way. An angel sent to live among men. And even now in my perfected form, I was just average. The only thing that was extraordinary about me was my way of attracting danger and life threatening situations on the weekly, but that wasn't exactly a turn-on for people. But Rosalie claimed he lied to me. Jasper and Alice too. It didn't make any sense.

I also couldn't stop worrying about my daughter. It was terrifying having so many people know about her now. No other vampires besides the three of us that were there during her birth had known about her til now out of protection. Now I was putting the biggest secret I had in the hand of the people who had picked everything up and left me without a word. I was glad to have them back, really I was, but that didn't negate the fact my trust in them had diminished. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew I was being ridiculous. They absolutely would not let word get back to the Volturi. But I couldn't be sure. I also couldn't be sure they would keep their word and keep their true relationship to Renesmee under wraps. There had already been too many slip ups and she had so many questions I couldn't answer. Who's to say they wouldn't decide to just answer them on my behalf. Most of the Cullens even thought he should come back! How could I trust them not to tell Renesmee all about her father? The thought made me anxious to get home as soon as possible. Nessie would get out of school a good hour or two before I would leave work. What would they talk about in that amount of time? Maybe Jake would take her to the Rex to keep anything from accidentally getting spilled.

"Can I get a refill?"

The voice pulled me from my spiraling thoughts. The strange man, Brian, was sitting at the bar again. He held his coffee cup up and smirked, his hazel eyes sparkling with humor. "Or would you like to keep floating in space for a while?" he asked, clearly amused.

I grabbed the pot and immediately went to fill his cup. "I'm sorry," I apologized, handing it back to him. "I'm a little out of it today."

"I've never seen someone focus so hard on what they were thinking," he mused, still giving me that damn smirk. "You almost looked like you were contemplating the meaning of life."

"It's twenty-four, in case you were wondering," I joked.

He chuckled and took a sip of the coffee, his eyes not leaving me. I put the pot back and he commented, "You never called me."

Right, his number, I recalled. I was pretty sure the napkin with his number still resided in my apron pocket right now, but there was no way I was going to check with his eyes still on me. I told him, "I had some family stop by unexpectedly."

He nodded once and took another sip of the coffee. I was surprised to notice his ears now had a red tint to them. He said, unsure of himself, "I was worried I scared you off with my directness. I have a habit of messing these things up."

"What things?" I heard myself ask and then mentally kicked myself. I shouldn't be entertaining this. There was enough going on in my life especially now without adding boys into the mix.

And yet here I was, captured by this sweet man. He squared his shoulders, like he was trying to hype himself up. "Asking out beautiful women," he said smoothly, trying to recover from his earlier embarrassment.

"You ask out many women?" I asked. This time, I was the one smirking at him.

His shoulders slumped a little as he realized his mistake. He stuttered and tried to correct it. "Well, no. I...well I only meant..." he sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He took a breath and relaxed. "I'm sorry, how about we start over. I'm Brian and I would love to take you out for dinner." He smiled at me, hope shining brightly through his eyes.

I should say no. I don't have time for unnecessary drama and I know getting involved with any humans would put them in terrible danger. Not to mention, I was still clearly not over my last boyfriend. But there was something about this man. He was so sweet, so open, so honest. It was a huge contrast to my last relationship which involved so many secrets.

So instead of letting him down and keeping my distance, I found myself saying, "I'll call you."

It wasn't exactly a yes, but it definitely wasn't a no. The fact that it wasn't a straight up no had him grinning widely in victory. I bit my lip and hid in the kitchen before I could say anything else stupid. He was gone again by the time I worked up the courage to leave the kitchen again. Once again, I put it out of my mind and went back to restocking.

Jake and Nessie were carrying bags inside when I got home after work. I automatically went to help them and cocked my head in confusion when I saw they were all grocery bags. "What's all this?" I asked, following Nessie into the kitchen and setting the load on the counter.

Esme was in there, putting things away and organizing all the cans and boxes we had thrown into the pantry carelessly. Nessie explained, "Well, Esme said she wanted to cook for Jake and I since she's never really had a reason to use the kitchen. So we went grocery shopping with her after work to pick up a few things."

I looked around at the amount of bags currently filling the room and Jake was coming in with another load. "A few?" I repeated.

"We might have gone a bit over board," Nessie admitted, rubbing the back of her neck.

Jake set down the bags in his arms and said, "Speak for yourself. This is probably about a week's worth of food for me." He grinned widely.

Esme chuckled. "Jacob has been quite enthusiastic about the endeavor."

Nessie and Jake went out to grab the last little bit in the car and I started to help Esme. I said, "Thank you. I'm not sure I can really repay you for all of this."

She waved my worries away. "It was my idea and I'm more than happy to do it. Like I told Renesmee, I haven't had anyone to cook for in a very long time and I miss it," she winked.

I smiled at her, my appreciation growing. We put things away in silence, comfortable just with each other's company. Every so often Esme would pass me and I felt the slight ghosting of her hand on my arm, my hair, my back. It was like she was afraid if she didn't keep touching me, I would just disappear into her imagination. Shouldn't that be my worry? Nessie and Jake brought in two more loads and then Jake announced he had to go back down to La Push.

Nessie frowned. "Again? Weren't you just around them like two days ago?" She asked.

"Yeah, but Sam upped patrols since the Cullens came back. It's like he's afraid more vampires will just show up now," he said, clearly annoyed at the situation too. He promised her, "I'll be back before midnight. If not, I'll make sure someone calls, okay?"

She grumbled in response, making him chuckle. He kissed the top of her head and waved goodbye, running out into the forest. Nessie's face was a soft pink and she watched him very closely until he was out of view. When she saw me watching her, she turned red. "I...have homework," she stuttered, practically running upstairs.

Esme chuckled quietly and I sighed. Just because I knew about the Imprint didn't make it any better to watch. Esme looked at me knowingly and said, "Ah young love."

I snorted. "Right."

"He seems like a good young man," Esme commented. "They compliment each other perfectly."

"Jake's a good guy," I agreed. Then I blurted sarcastically, "I never have to worry about him leaving her or breaking her heart." I clamped my lips shut, cursing myself internally for bringing my own issues into this.

Esme suddenly looked sad. She turned to face me, saying, "Bella-"

I shut the fridge a little harder than I probably should have and said, "I'm going to go check on Renesmee." I practically flew out of the room. I wasn't in the mood for listening to her defend his actions. They all seemed to be determined to convince me he was lying and I had had my fill. After my episodes yesterday, I felt a full day without having to deal with one was warranted.

I didn't end up going to Renesmee. She was working on her homework upstairs and I didn't want to bother her. But I definitely didn't want to go back in the kitchen with Esme. Instead, I sat on the front steps outside to stay away from everyone. It was beginning to feel quite stifling with all of the people in the house now. I was already missing the time of just Jacob, Renesmee and I in the house and the simple ease of our days. Jake would pick up Nessie on the way home from the Rez, Nessie would start on her homework and usually be done before I even got home. Then I would start on dinner for them after I got home, we would sit at the table and talk about our day as they ate. We'd hang out in the living room together doing whatever Nessie wanted to do. Some days it was a movie night, others we would play games together. It was always something new she wanted to try. Then Jake and Nessie would go to bed and I would pack their lunches for the next day and spend my nights studying or cleaning, anything to make time go faster.

Now, the Cullens had barely been back for one full day and I felt like a bomb with a dangerously short fuse. I wasn't even sure what would set me off. I groaned and closed my eyes, tilting my head up to the sky. Maybe Jacob was right about leaving the house. Maybe we should leave, let the Cullens have their space back without interference.

"Can I join you?"

I opened my eyes and saw Alice standing off to the side with a small smile on her lips. I tried to gauge whether she had an ulterior motives by coming up to me, but with her hands behind her back and nothing but that smile on her face, she looked innocent and unassuming. I scooted over enough to make room for her on the step. She sat down next to me and the two of us looked out into the forest. She said, "Esme's afraid she might've upset you in the kitchen. She said you left pretty suddenly."

I didn't answer. I was a little guilty that I upset Esme, but I still wasn't about to bring myself to talk about what she was about to bring up. Alice waited patiently for any response, but when it was obvious I wasn't going to say anything, she asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really." There had been so much talking lately, I was at capacity for a couple months.

She turned to fully face me and I did my best to ignore her, staring down a tree. "How about this then- you look like hell, Bella."

So much for ignoring her. I turned my head and rose my eyebrow at her. What was she trying to accomplish? "Gee, thanks," I said sarcastically.

She looked nothing but concerned as she continued, "No really. You look like absolute hell. Changing into a vampire might have helped your physical body, but I can see you're a mess inside."

"I'm doing my best here, Alice," I told her, being genuinely honest despite the sarcasm. "None of this has been exactly easy on me."

"I know. I'm sorry, I should've checked in sooner."

I shrugged. "You were just following orders."

She turned away and scowled at a tree, saying, "I shouldn't have listened to him to begin with. None of us should have. We all know how he gets and we should have convinced him leaving was a horrible idea." I didn't say anything. I really didn't feel like arguing the same points over and over. Alice's face smoothed out and her frustration went away. She said, "I'm sorry, Bella. I know apologizing can't make up for the last five years, but I just want you to know how much we all regret leaving."

"Again, you were just following what you were told to do."

"I'm serious," she said, almost pushing for me to understand with her eyes. "What can we do to make you realize everything we've said is the truth? To win back your trust?"

I sighed, tired. "You guys are already building us a house."

"And we want to do more," she pressed. "We want your trust back and we want to stay in Renesmee's life. What can we do?"

Anger and frustration that had been boiling just under the surface finally bubbled over and I snapped. "I don't know, Alice!" I exploded, standing up and pacing in front of the steps. "I don't know what's going to make any of this better! I loved all of you, I still do, and I thought one of you would change me one day and I could be apart of this family. Then everything, every single future I could've had with all of you was just ripped away without any warning! I didn't even get a choice! I convinced myself for years that he was right, that he didn't love me, it was a hassle and dangerous for all of you to be around me. I was a worthless, pathetic human who had no place with all of you. If it wasn't for Renesmee, I wouldn't have found a single reason to stay alive. Now all of you just decide to come back and give us a house and food and I don't know what to think anymore! You all keep telling me that everything I thought was true for the last five years was a lie. Do you see how that might be a little confusing and frustrating?"

Alice had been silent throughout my ranting, just watching me pace back and forth and make wild gestures. Now, instead of answering my question, she got up and walked until she was standing directly in front of me. Then, she reached for me, pulling me tightly against her body in a hug. The anger that had been consuming me receded and I stood there with my arms limp at my sides. I tried to regain my composure and hold onto either the anger still or some sort of indifference to everything, but I couldn't. Something had cracked within me and a tsunami of emotions as flooding through me. I found myself grabbing onto Alice for dear life and heard broken sobs break through my lips. I felt like I was going to drown in everything I was feeling. I couldn't seem to get my head above it for air. Alice didn't mind. She continued to hug me as my legs gave out and we sank to the ground. I was sure everyone in the house could hear me crying, but no one came.

I don't know how long Alice let me cry. It felt like minutes, but when I finally started to calm down and become aware of my surroundings again, the porch lights were on and the sky was dark. I pulled away from Alice and looked at my lap, embarrassed she had to see me like that. I waited for her to reprimand me for being weak, to hear how wrong I was to feel the way I did. I was used to that. Charlie was always disappointed how much my life revolved around the Cullens and how destroyed I was when they left. Jacob was disappointed in me now for letting them back into my life. What would Alice find to be disappointed about?

To my surprise, she just said, "I bet you've been waiting to get that out for a while."

I braved a glance up at her and saw no disappointment or disgust. She looked a little sad, but other than that she was only gentle and supportive. I bit my lip and admitted, "I have so many feelings and thoughts right now. I just..I can't make sense of them all. It's overwhelming.

She nodded. "You know vampires have heightened senses of touch, hearing, smell, sight. We also have heightened emotions. Our thought process is so much faster than a human's too, so we can think of millions of things a second. All together it makes it easy to find distractions for ourselves. But distractions only work for so long. Eventually, we still need to process things, just like we did when we were human." Alice took my hand and held it tight. "You have been distracted for the last five years. Renesmee, Jacob, even your dad, they've all been distractions to help you keep going. Now you're being forced to process everything and feel."

"It sucks," I grumbled. "I've been getting along just fine."

"You've been surviving, not living."

We sat there some more, just holding each other's hand and looking at each other. I knew I still loved the Cullens, all of them. I understood why they left, whether it was a lie or not. I knew they hurt me, badly. In such a way that would never be fully healed. I was scarred now, broken. I don't think I could ever be whole. Could I still let them in again? Alice said they were all sorry and they wanted to win back my trust. Was that something they could obtain or were we always going to have this wall between us? A small realization came. I didn't want to have a wall between us. I wanted my family again. I wanted to feel like I could trust them with everything. I wanted things to be effortless between us and happy. So then what would it take to get to that point?

"Time," I said out loud. Alice cocked her head to the side, having not heard the rest of my inner monologue. "You asked what you guys can do to win back my trust. I need time."

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