Eight:

July 18, 1912

I hadn't gotten any sleep. Honestly, I was becoming more accustomed to that prospect than I probably should have been. Before, it was nightmares that'd prevent me from getting more than a handful of hours of sleep a night. Now, it was my own mind, thinking and brainstorming away all night that prevented my eyes from shutting for more than thirty minutes at a time.

Ever since that phone call with Jack at the library, my mind had been filled with nothing except possible answers to the question that neither of us knew the answer to. It played over and over like a broken record, urging me to figure out a seemingly impossible question.

"What happens next…"

That had been something I'd thought about time and time again since then. Every moment of peace I could find, I was coming up with countless scenarios and ways to understand what I even wanted in the first place. It wasn't as clear-cut as I thought it would be, and that was saying something.

There was so much more on the line now, and so much more trouble that would come out of me just disappearing out of the blue.

I was only just now beginning to realize how blinding love truly is. When I'd promised to run off with Jack on the Titanic, I hadn't really rationalized my actions, just voiced what had encaptured my heart. I still would have done it in a heartbeat, even now, but it just made me wonder where I would've ended up if I'd chosen that route.

Perhaps, if we'd managed to stay together after the sinking, we could have successfully run away with one another. Cal knew I'd lived, obviously, but with no proof of my whereabouts, I could've easily slipped away. Mentally, I cursed myself for not looking for Jack harder on the Carpathia. We'd been so close to one another, yet so far. If I'd only done that, I wouldn't even be in this predicament.

I shook my thoughts away from that subject. Even if I'd run away, Cal would have found me… could the same be true now? Would he even want to find me? Thinking about it would only drive me mad, as I knew I couldn't go back now. I had bigger things to deal with anyhow.

Now, I had a much clearer, not-so new love intoxicated mind. I was looking at this situation from every angle there was, needing to conjure up the best possibility so that it worked out for both Jack and I. Unlike before, my safety wasn't the only one on the line.

I had a lot more to figure out than I'd initially thought.

For whatever reason, Cal hadn't been too hot on my heels lately. I was somewhat confused by what this meant for the two of us and our more than complicated relationship, but I also didn't want to ask any questions. I assume it could've been due to the stress of the wedding and the chapel still being repaired.

But in any case, ever since the day I went to the library and phoned Jack, we'd only spoken to each other once. Though, I supposed I'd take it over him being on my trail constantly any day.

Even more surprising was when I went to leave once afternoon tea had comenssed, there was no one there waiting to bombard me with questions. I would have been more unsettled by it if not for the fact that I was already preoccupied with my own concerns.

Unlike the previous day, Wilbur was in fact tagging along with us to the library - at least partially. He agreed to drop us off, not questioning the fact that we'd just been there but three days ago. To make it look less suspicious, Felicity had brought one of her newly checked out novels, fake complaining that she'd picked out one she'd already read by mistake.

Getting into the backseat, I locked eyes with Felicity, who sat beside me. I nodded to her, hinting that I had it all figured out. At least as much as I could figure out in three days. Nothing would be solid for now, but I was as ready as I'd ever be.

I needed to be, I kept telling myself.

I'd finally brought Felicity to speed on everything that's been going on the last few months. At first, I thought she'd think me crazy, and I guess part of me still thought that. From an outsider's perspective, I was sure that everything I was doing and planning to do seemed insane, but she seemed to understand my actions.

I was grateful for her empathy. Without it, I don't think I would've been able to get a single sentence out. Everything had been months ago, though it seemed more like a lifetime. I hadn't spoken about it to anyone, making the story almost seem fake to me as the words escaped my lips. Almost like something out of a moving picture, I thought.

When I told her about Jack, I can't even say she was surprised, for it would be a lie. She smiled sadly at me, grabbing my hands in hers, and telling me that my melancholy made much more sense now. She put my outpour on hold to tell me that she could see my engagement wasn't happy before I'd even told her so, and it made me wonder if she'd been expecting to hear a story about someone like Jack from the beginning.

Once I started talking about him out loud, I couldn't stop. It seemed like everything I'd been dying to say for the last few months just spilled out all at once. It just kept coming out, and I was thankful for her tentative listening skills, because I seemed to talk her ears off for days.

Of course, I spared her the small details of it all, not wanting to make any suggestive comments out in public, because at one point people had piled into different areas of the park. Time passed on quicker than I thought, but when I was in the moment, both of us were so engulfed in my stories, it seemed like only minutes.

When all was said and done, Felicity mentioned to me that I'd make for a great author one day. I ended up thinking that maybe she was right, because after that conversation all I could do was write to Jack.

I'm not sure how long our heart-to-heart moment even lasted, but it didn't matter, because I'd finally found someone who was willing to listen and actually understand. My retelling of Titanic shook us both to our cores, but just speaking of it lifted a heavy burden off my chest.

Vaguely, I'd wondered if doing so would help my mother and Cal the way it did me.

At the end of the discussion, instead of trying to convince me to stay with Cal and move forward with my life and engagement, she urged me to really ponder over every detail of the ordeal and to let her know if I needed any help.

I took to cashing in that first favor now.

Luckily for me, a post box sat right outside the library. Once Wilbur had dropped us off with a wave, I slipped my most recent letter to Jack inside the box and grabbed Felicity's elbow, following her lead indoors.

That was the beginning of the plan. If everything could go as simply as that, I'd be far more than pleased. Though, I knew that was more than a longshot on my part.

"I'll just go return this," she whispered to me, winking as she walked away.

I shook my head at her with a slight smile, thinking that she was getting quite the kick out of this whole plan. She was certainly enjoying all this sneaking around more than I was.

The second she left, I made a beeline for the same phone I'd been on the other day. Today, the area was more crowded, but I didn't think it would prove to be any issue for my plan. So long as I didn't stay on the phone too long or bring any attention to myself; I was already dreading the former, because I didn't know how I'd be able to map out my plan in a time crunch.

It was the same routine as a few days before, and I was thankful that this time around I was able to stay more calm when I didn't get the call exactly on time.

Although, unlike last time, when he called there was noise in the background. "Sorry," he half-shouted, making me nervous about the noise. "I'm with an old friend of mine at his construction site working for the day. This is the only phone I could get to."

Curiosity sparked within me at the mention of this friend, but I didn't question him on it. We didn't have time. "That's quite all right." I tried to keep my voice as formal as possible, not wanting to cause any eyes to wander in my direction.

I seemed to forget that I was the one who was supposed to be carrying the conversation until he spoke up again. "Rose?"

"Yes?" I shook my head, realizing what I'd done.

"Have you… thought of anything?" I could sense some amount of apprehension in his voice, and that made my chest fill with guilt. I wondered for a moment if he thought I was going to tell him I was staying in Pittsburgh, and for his sake I hoped the answer was no.

"Yes, actually." I lowered my voice as I felt Felicity come up behind me. "I've come up with a plan, one that involves me coming to you."

The conversation lasted longer than expected, but it didn't seem to be a big deal. People went on with their day not even batting an eye in my direction, and I could only hope no one had heard a word I'd spoken.

Jack had readily agreed to my plan, not that I thought he wouldn't, but he quickly had to end things when he informed me his lunch break was over. It had been hard to let go, since I'd cautioned him that these phone calls would likely not work any longer, considering the fact that Cal and my mother would get suspicious of my leaving the house so often. Not to mention that the wedding was nearing closer every day, and soon all my attention would be put toward that.

But of course, we'd promised to keep writing to one another. Letters didn't take too long to send back and forth. My mail was marked priority, just as any letter from the Hockley address was, so Jack had to wait little to no time to receive anything I sent.

After the call, Felicity and I strolled across town again, me filling her in on everything that'd gone on in the conversation. We mostly talked in person now, seeing as we'd been hanging around one another every chance we could get. Since our friendship had become more open in the last few weeks, we decided that we didn't necessarily need to keep sending each other letters as our main form of communication.

That had been the second part of the plan. Now, Jack would put the name of the letter's sender as Felicity Jacbos. This was a huge improvement from before, for now if I were to ever somehow not get my hands on the mail before Jones, there would be no reason for anyone to be suspicious of me getting an envelope for myself, seeing as the letter would simply be from a friend.

Jones was much more relaxed than Lovejoy had been, but I still knew that he'd been instructed to keep somewhat of an eye on me. As long as I didn't make any rash decisions or make myself stick out too much, I was sure he could care less about me.

It all seemed to make sense in my head, but what I've learned from my past experiences is that a theory is just that - a theory. It isn't until you put it to the test that you find the holes.

For once, I'd actually been thinking of Cal on my time out. I think that coming up with all these lies led my mind to become more accustomed to coming up with ways to cover up my tracks along the way. And just as I had quite often, I questioned myself on whether that was a good or bad thing.

I was nearly certain that I'd said Wilbur, Felicity, and I were going to a few shops in town, which in itself wasn't entirely a lie, seeing as we actually did go to a few - only minus Wilbur.

Contrary to what I believe Cal thought of me, I know him fairly well. I mean, how could I not after spending the last few years of my life knowing and spending unwanted hours of my time with him? We've traveled across different countries, been to numerous parties and lived together for more months than I could bear. It only made sense that I'd gotten to know him to some extent.

Then again, I couldn't exactly say the same thing for him.

"You like lamb, right sweetpea?"

I didn't think he could name something as simple as my favorite color if it slapped him right in the face. Was that better or worse? I wasn't sure, and I also wasn't sure why thinking about it bothered me so much. It never had before, and I was determined not to let it now.

I purchased him a new, simple looking watch, along with a few other items for myself that I didn't really even remember picking out. It was his money anyhow, and me spending it seemed to boost his ego just a bit, so I didn't feel guilty about it. Besides, he had enough of it to last him many lifetimes.

I figured that would be enough for him not to be suspicious of what I was really doing, and maybe the gesture would be kind enough for him to not get snappy with me. Considering the fact that we'd barely talked at all in the last few days, I wasn't looking forward to that next conversation.

In the past, whenever we didn't talk for a few days, he'd be bottling up everything he wanted to say, which would eventually lead to him blowing up at me. It was never a pleasant thing (but when is getting yelled at ever pleasant?), though I knew it was only a matter of time until we spoke again.

Unfortunately for me, that would prove to be much sooner than I would have liked.

I made a point to get home much earlier than I typically would on a day out, and I was even somewhat excited that I'd returned. My feet were aching from all the walking I'd done, not to mention the weight of carrying the few bags of items I'd purchased. In the past, that would have never been my job, but it still felt oddly liberating to be the one in charge of it.

Everything about not being followed everywhere was liberating. I craved to get to know the feeling more.

Walking through the door, I was immediately hit with the aroma of what I could only assume was our dinner for the evening being cooked. Out of all the complaints and downsides of living at the Hockley estate, the food was certainly not one of them. I only wished that I were allowed in the kitchen myself, for I was dying to learn my way around one, and doubted I ever would.

Well, maybe. If all went according to my plan, I'd get to be the one cooking the meals whenever I pleased.

I was trying my hardest to not get my hopes up about anything, which was hard when you realized that life as you know it could soon be changed for the better. The situation I was currently in was less than ideal and rather scary when you really thought about it. Not to mention the fact that I'd had my dreams squashed more times than I could count.

If I let myself feel any sort of aspiration or set any sort of expectation, I was sure that it would crumble to the ground quicker than I could pick it back up. I'd learned that lesson the hard way many times throughout my life, the latest and most reality inducing having been in April.

Once indoors, I was almost surprised that my mother wasn't waiting for me, crossing her arms and a stone-cold stare pressed on me. She was more concerned with my going out with Felicity than Cal ever was, but I knew why. Since my encounter with Jack, she was wary of my being around anyone in a lower social status than ours.

The night before when I'd returned home, she'd been waiting for me at the front door, foot tapping in an impatient anger. I could've laughed at the sight of her there, looking like a fictional mother I'd read about in one of my many novels. One who scolded the main antagonist after their night out late, coming home after a curfew that'd been set.

It was comical to say the least, for she'd never been one to care as much as she suddenly seemed to be. Much to my satisfaction, no one was there waiting for me as I stepped through the threshold, and I'm certain it had to do with my coming back early.

I wasn't completely in the clear, because just as I set one foot on the bottom step to head upstairs, I heard my name being called. Turning around, I saw Cal sitting on the armchair in the sitting room, newspaper laid out on his lap. I ignored the fact that him reading out here was unusual, and made my way over to him, bags in hand.

"How was your time out?"

The sincerity in his voice caught me off guard, but I kept a strong poker face, hoping he wasn't able to read it. "Fine, thank you."

"Good," he stood up, shaking the paper closed. "I'll see you at dinner."

He started to walk away, leaving me more confused than before. "Cal."

"Yes?" He turned to face me, and for once I couldn't read his emotions.

"I-" I thought about the watch I'd bought him, and how it was sitting inside one of the bags. I'd planned on giving it to him, but his mannerisms were so out of place that I felt like I was missing something. His actions confused me so much that I actually forgot what I was initially planning to do. With a nervous chuckle, I sent him off with a simple, "Nevermind."

Shaking my head, I watched him leave. If I thought before that I didn't understand Cal, I really didn't now. We hadn't spoken more than a few sentences in the last few days, and he just said that out of the blue?

Not to mention, it had been all too formal. Everything about it was so out of character. Retreating back to my room, I became certain that he must be up to something. Although, whatever that something was, I wasn't sure.

Two could play at the game of deception. I was already ten steps ahead of him.