A/N: This chapter contains brief descriptions of parental abuse and neglect of a child, at around a third of the chapter.

Chapter 8: Secrets

Returning to Hogwarts had felt so utterly and completely weird. It had been the middle of the day, and the Portkey – a broken scale used for Potions ingredients – had dropped her off just outside the gates, where Professor McGonagall had waited for her. The grounds had been bathed in sunlight and an odd quietness. Of course the quiet had lasted, but surprisingly enough so had the sunlight, bringing with it a heatwave that led to Hermione spending almost all her days on the banks of the Black Lake.

She was trying to write about her life, or at least about her life at Hogwarts so far. It was haphazard and untypically unstructured, but after three frustrating days she had abandoned her usual well organized approach. Trying to recollect her memories day to day from the first moment that she had stepped onto the school grounds hadn't worked. Every time she had been unable to account for a day, an hour even, she was immediately scared that it was because her memories had changed. And every time she had remembered something clearly, she worried that it was because the memory was already changed, already false in some way.

So she had decided to let her memories come to her. Sometimes, most times actually, it made her feel like she was floating further and further out to sea. She felt unspeakably aged, as if every day she spent examining her own life, turning it over like a curiosity she had found in a museum gift shop, added years to it; and she felt like a child at the same time. The more she thought about her life and how it had been so far, the less she could see who she was in it.

For the first time since Halloween of her first year, Hermione felt truly and deeply alone, and she did not like it at all. She had always been an odd, isolated child and had turned to books and knowledge to cope. When Professor McGonnagall had shown up at her families' home and told her about magic and Hogwarts, she had been so relieved: finally, an explanation for her oddness, and a place where she would fit in. But her incessant need to be the smartest person in the room had made her the opposite of popular at Hogwarts, too.

Until Halloween and the troll. Of course she hadn't become popular then, but she had had Harry and Ron. And that had been all she needed, really.

Someone cleared their throat behind her, making her jump. It was Dumbledore, and for a second she wondered how he wasn't cooking in his long, midnight-blue robes.

"Miss Granger. I just wanted to alert you to the fact that Mister Lupin will be staying here from tonight until tomorrow. I do not think that you will run into one another, as he will not be staying in Gryffindor tower. Also, you absolutely must refrain from leaving the castle during the night." For a moment, he wondered if it was really all that wise to tell her. After all, she might put two and two together just by looking at a lunar calendar. Remus Lupin would arrive shortly after sundown and be accompanied to the Whomping Willow immediately by Miss Pomfrey anyway and then he would leave again immediately in the morning. There was very little chance that they would run into one another.

He was about to ask her not to question him or Remus Lupin about the reason for Lupin's return or tell anyone, but before he could, she said: "You don't need to explain. Or ask me not to tell anyone that he was here or anything. I know that Remus Lupin is a werewolf and I know that it needs to be kept a secret."

He smiled ever so slightly at her, a bemused twinkle in his eyes. "Perhaps that should not surprise me." She noticed him eyeing the parchment around her. "I'm assuming those are the records I asked you to keep. Have you noticed any more memories changing?"

She sighed. "I'm not sure, Professor. I haven't had any new dreams, and when I try to remember things that I've written down already, my memories are the same. But I'm not entirely sure if what I remember is how it actually happened."

"Ah, Miss Granger, but who can ever really remember how something actually happened?" She couldn't help but feel irritated at his comment. If there was no way to remember how things had actually happened, what was the point of her incessant writing except making her feel miserable?

"Just a few days ago, an old friend and I were reminiscing about a shared adventure of our youth. I realised how different our recollection of it was. But those differences don't affect how it shaped us, or how we feel about one another." He had been looking out across the lake while he talked but then looked back at her. "Forgive me, Miss Granger. Sometimes I am prone to letting my mind wander. For you, of course, the importance of remembering is entirely different. Though I do hope that you do not let your changing memories change you or your feelings."

Dumbledore's words kept ringing in her head when she went to bed that night. Was she changing? She'd been here almost a month now. How much longer would she be stuck here?

Lying alone in the dormitory bed, she stared at the full moon hanging over the lake and wondered how Remus was doing. Were James, Sirius and Peter with him? Or was he alone? Probably the latter – they wouldn't have been able to sneak into the school or away from their families.

She hadn't really avoided Remus after their conversation in the Common Room about Snape but she also hadn't talked to him since. She had been so angry at all of them afterwards, but especially Remus and the way he had pretended to be so absorbed by his book that he hadn't noticed how his friends had tortured Snape. That Sirius had been an idiot had come as no surprise to her but she realised that she had expected more from Remus. Once she got back to her own fifth year, he would have some serious explaining to do.

Still, she wondered how he was doing, all alone in the Shrieking Shack or the Forest.

He hoped Moony was getting through the night okay. It felt weird not being with him now that he theoretically could, but Sirius was sure that Kreacher would notice and alert his parents if he left the house. Additionally, he wasn't entirely sure how he would manage to sneak into the Hogwarts grounds undetected or find Remus in the vast forest. Still, it sucked not to be there for the first time in months.

Someone walked across the creaking floorboard in front of his bedroom and for a moment he wondered if whoever it was would come in. Then he remembered that all household members had been strictly forbidden from contacting him in any way without his father's approval for as long as he was in Grimmauld Place.

He was bored out of his mind. For the first time since he had started school, his parents had stopped trying to brainwash him. Instead they had ordered him to stay in his room at all times with the exception of using the bathroom. Kreacher would bring him food, though of course the bloody elf 'forgot' half the time, and relay messages to his parents if he wanted to ask for permission to leave the room.

And all of it because he hadn't been able to keep his big mouth shut once again. After that awful first dinner where his father had spent the entire evening questioning Regulus about his life at Hogwarts and his mother had either praised Regulus in that begrudging, thin lipped way she had or shot dirty looks at Sirius, he just had to go to his little brother's room.

He'd been defensive and pissy from the get go. Reg had reacted to Sirius asking why he hung out so much with those Death Eater wannabes like Mulciber by calling him and his friends blood traitors and a half-breed and it had only gone south from there. In the end, they'd been pointing wands at each other and screaming so loudly that of course it had alerted Walburga who'd immediately petrified Sirius. She'd ordered Kreacher to bring him to his room, and the bloody elf had dragged him across the hall by his feet and left him on the floor there until the spell wore off in the middle of the night, leaving him with a splitting headache. In the morning, Walburga had awoken him rather violently and then told him of the new rules.

It hadn't always been like this. She stared at her sister, resentment almost choking her, and wondered how they had gotten here.

"Lily? You do realise I expect an answer, don't you?" Petunia was looking down at her, trying to control her anger. She would be damned if she let her freak sister ruin this for her. "Of course I would have preferred to have Vernon over while you're at school, but Mum and Dad insisted. So I need you to promise."

She had met Vernon only four months earlier when he had come to the office she worked at for a meeting. The girl who usually took minutes had been out sick – rumoured to be pregnant, actually, and she still hadn't returned to work so who knew – and one of the senior executives who had spotted her at her desk had called her in to replace her. She had sat diagonally across from him, at the bottom of the table, and noticed how he'd eyed her approvingly again and again. It had not been a surprise when he asked her out on his way out of the office. He was the only man she had met in London so far who was neither a complete drag nor a Casanova. Now he wanted to meet her family. Lily would not ruin this for her.

For a moment, she seemed insecure and pleading and not as commanding and hostile as she had been just moments before. When exactly had Tuney started to feel nothing but disdain for her? "Yeah, I'll tell him that I go to Bruton's Boarding School for Girls," Lily said. "And obviously I won't use magic, it would get me expelled anyway."

"How very gracious of you," Petunia answered with a sneer. She started to turn around but then turned back again. "If you don't embarrass me tomorrow I'll return the favour. That's if you ever manage to find a boy who'll endure you." With that, she slammed the door to Lily's bedroom shut, leaving her little sister in tears.

Petunia probably didn't know but she'd hit her weak spot. Ever since Remus had rejected her, Lily had wondered what was wrong with her. Why was no one but that stupid toerag Potter ever interested in her?

Maybe it was the girls thing after all. Somehow blokes sensed it. Still, it was unfair. She'd only ever kissed Dorcas and that had been a joke, at the beginning of third year when they'd all been anxious and hormonal and curious, during a round of spin the bottle none of them ever talked about. It had never left the dormitory room.

She took a deep breath, realising how ridiculous she was being. There was no way boys, even wizards, could sense that she was interested in girls as well as boys. And even if they could, if that scared any of them off, their loss.

Loss. That had been the dominant feeling when he'd woken up in the Shack this morning. It had been the first time he'd changed without Padfoot, Prongs and Wormtail there in nine months. It had also been the worst transformation in the last nine months. Miss Pomfrey had noticed and said so, too, as she had been taking care of Remus' wounds in the Infirmary before he was to Portkey home.

Though Hogwarts had felt like home more and more over the last few years, he realised as he looked around the dormitory where he'd snuck back to for a quick nap. He'd been coming here every full moon since his first year and that definitely added to the feeling.

Changing was always excruciating, but the first three or four dozen times had been hell. His parents had essentially locked him in a steel cage in a dungeon had where had been nothing to destroy, so the werewolf had turned on himself. Sometimes, Remus wondered how he had survived that for five years. He'd been so grateful when Dumbledore had asked him to return to the Shrieking Shack during his first summer holidays, but that was nothing in comparison to how grateful he was to James, Sirius and Peter. He'd never had brothers until the three of them came into his life, even if he hadn't realised it fully until they had suddenly appeared in the Shack, fully trained illegal Animagi.

He also always felt slightly to very guilty about it. It wasn't just that his friends were risking their lives by running around with him during the full moon, if they were found out they'd end up in Azkaban for sure. He didn't even want to think about how his parents or Dumbledore would react. Dumbledore especially – the first person to give him a chance despite having absolutely no obligation to do so. Any semblance of a normal life that he had he owed to the fact that the Headmaster trusted him. That he was repaying that trust by sneaking around with the other three was a thought he pushed to the very back of his mind.

With a sigh, he closed the dormitory door and made his way down the stairs. He knew his parents would be worried, he'd forgotten to let them – or anyone, really – know that he would be late. Oh well. He had really needed that nap.

When he stepped into the Common Room, he stopped in his tracks. One of the tables was covered in wildly strewn about rolls of parchment. One of the cushy red armchairs had been replaced by a simple brown chair that was pushed back from the table. A jug of water, a glass and a pen as well as a quill and ink pot were placed near it. Someone else was clearly here.

He hesitated for a second but then his curiosity got the best of him. He stepped closer to the table and grabbed the nearest bit of parchment.

Her heart almost stopped in her chest when she saw a familiar figure near the table she'd been sitting at. It had been too hot near the Black Lake today, she'd always been tempted to doze off, so after she'd gone back to castle for a snack and realised that it was actually rather cool within the old stone walls, Hermione had decided to return to the Gryffindor tower rather than the grounds to write. She'd just quickly stepped out to change her tampon, not bothering to hide her notes. She was supposed to be alone. Slowly and quietly, she started to draw her wand to obliviate Remus.

She was quiet, he had to give her that, but not quiet enough for his still heightened senses. Or maybe she just wasn't lucky.

"Expelliarmus!" Remus whirled around and caught her wand with ease. Hermione gasped in shock, not just because he had heard her but also because he looked so furious it send a shiver down her spine, the piece of parchment in his hand crumpled up. "What in Merlin's name – ?" He took a step closer to her, wand raised threateningly. "Who are you?"

He asked despite being almost sure that he had already figured it out anyway. The note he had read only allowed one conclusion, really, absurd as that conclusion seemed to him.

How the hell could this have happened? How could she fix this? Her breath was shallow and quick, she could barely speak and she felt the tears come. She needed to lie, she needed to get her wand, she needed to fix this but how? He had her wand, he'd read something and he'd figured it out. How could she fix this?

He took another step closer to her and noticed her shaking slightly. "You're from the future." It wasn't a question.

"Ye – Yes," she whispered. "An accident. I…"

"That's why you appeared in Dumbledore's office!" He burst out and almost wanted to slap himself the second after.

She frowned. "How did you – oh! The Map." She hadn't even thought of the possibility that the Marauders could have seen her. "I could have just Apparated."

"No, you couldn't have," Remus fired back. "It's impossible to Apparate or Disapparate inside of Hogwarts according to Hogwarts, A History."

For a second she couldn't help but smile. Of course Remus would had read the book, too. She could almost picture him lecturing James, Sirius and Peter about its contents.

Suddenly, the Common Room door burst open. "Mister Lupin, please lower your wand," Dumbledore's voice rang through the room. It sounded calm and level enough, but Remus still couldn't help the shiver that ran down his spine.

"Professor, I -" he and Hermione started to say in unison.

"I can imagine well enough how this situation came to pass, Mister Lupin, Miss Granger, and I do not wish to hear explanations or excuses," Albus interrupted them, letting a sliver of annoyance seep into his voice. It was only the tiniest bit of what he truly felt.

Edgar Bones had told him that there was essentially no way to return Miss Granger to her own time. Albus had suspected as much after their first, extremely vague conversation about the possibility of magically travelling to the future. But yesterday he had told Edgar more of the details relayed to him by Miss Granger, framing it all like a theoretical discussion rather than as something that had actually happened. The Unspeakable had all but confirmed his presumptions – not just about the fact that Miss Granger was likely there to stay but also of the importance of making it impossible for her to change the future.

And now Remus Lupin knew.

She felt close to tears again. As calm as Dumbledore seemed outwardly, she was sure she had disappointed him, and Hermione had rarely been able to handle disappointed authority figures very well. "I am so sorry, Professor, I swear I didn't know he was here, I -" she started babbling, ashamed at how high her voice was.

"Miss Granger, please calm down. I absolutely believe that you had no intention to reveal your secret to Mister Lupin. Please sit." He took a step closer and handed each of them their respective wands. "Your parents contacted me through the Floo when you still had not returned by midday, Mister Lupin. They are very worried, so I will not keep you long." Remus looked down at his hands, twiddling with his wand and suddenly stopped himself as if he had only just noticed it. "Now, what exactly have you read?"

He took in a short, quick breath, straightening his back. "A note that described a Defence Against the Dark Arts lesson that Hermione attended. I was supposed to teach it but got sick, so Sni – Professor Snape taught it instead. It was a lesson about werewolves because he hoped that someone would realise I was one."

Dumbledore's face did not change at all but she could imagine the wheels turning in his head. She wondered if he even cared that two of his current students would one day teach at Hogwarts, considering everything else. Then she wondered what this would do to her memories.

"I see. Am I correct in assuming that you have concluded the truth about Miss Granger from this?" he asked Remus, who nodded silently.

There was a moment of quiet as he considered how to proceed. Of course he could delete this from Mister Lupin's memories but considering what Edgar Bones had told him, it might not be all that bad if someone else, someone her own age, knew where Hermione Granger had come from. And using memory altering charms never sat quite right with him, morally speaking.

So instead he said: "I have no wish to change your memories and make you forget this. I can imagine that if there is any student in this school who fully understands the importance of keeping certain things about one's self hidden, it would be you. But I do hope you understand that even your closest friends cannot know about this."

Remus nodded but couldn't help but wonder if that meant that Dumbledore suspected something about the other three Marauders and his lycanthropy.

"Ultimately, though, as this pertains deeply to Miss Granger's security, I feel that it is only fair if the decision is hers." He turned to Hermione. "Do you trust Mister Lupin enough to allow him to keep his memories of what he discovered today?"

She didn't even need to think. "Yes." Instinctively, she had wanted to obliviate Remus herself. But now – now that she knew that Dumbledore knew it was an accident, now that he let her make the final choice – there was something comforting in Remus's knowing. All of it suddenly didn't feel quite as terrible.