Author's note: Unlike the first interlude, this one does contain an important part of the plot and not just minor details. Hope you all enjoy it.

Few have been the times where Loan could honestly say that she had truly rest. It usually happened on days when her body was so tired that it was impossible for her mental condition to interrupt her sleep; just like on this day.

It happened in days when her mind could bathe in the glory of victory, for she had achieved something previously thought as impossible. Just like on this day.

And usually, these kinds of days were the ones where her mother would pamper her by cleaning her room to make sure nothing disturbed her. Just like on this day.

The only unusual thing, and the reason why she had woken up in the middle of her placid travel through cloud nine, was the heat accumulated in her chest and extremities, heat whose residue forced the young woman to take off her sweater and unbutton her bra.

Uh... weird… I don't usually wear a bra... Oh, right.

Loan remembered then the forest, the forest that had exhausted her and that even at night did not offer mercy, the forest from which she emerged alive and victorious.

Loan sighed in relief, the lavender scent of the room assuring her that she was out of harm's way, back in her dark, cold, comforting room; tucked in her freshly washed thick blanket, accompanied by her tender and cute cousi-

Bobby?!

Booby Junior was lying next to her, using the blanket to help cover the exposed parts of his body, and close enough to Loan to make it clear for her why she previously felt her chest warm.

Hey, hey. What's this? What's going on?

Loan swallowed, hard. Her brain reactivated faster than she was used to, to the point that she had to remember to breathe.

Her eyes, already accustomed to the darkness of the room, did not take long to validate that, certainly, Bobby was only wearing shorts. The boy's torso was completely exposed.

This must be a dream, Loan. Yes, yes… a very good dream...

Loan took a deep breath, the boy's scent was mixed with an orange scent, just like Lori's shampoo.

My head has played a fool of me more than once, this must be another one of its trickeries; messing up with my senses is not hard after all.

Loan breathed again, in her mind there were only two important goals:

Check if that was the real Bobby.

And take advantage of the situation in the case that wasn't Bobby.

To achieve the first objective she only had to validate her environment and check if her senses weren't fooling her. The sound, smell, and sight were the easiest for her mind to alter, so she was used to confirming those three on a routine basis.

After that, Loan got up, buttoned her bra again, and went to the bathroom. By seeing her reflection clearly, she was able to rule out being trapped in a dream scenario.

Although… Loan decided to stay a little longer and check up on her appearance. Most of the characteristics she hated were still there; the stretch marks, the dark spots under her breasts and in her armpits, her hair tousled and with several strands at the brink of falling off from her head, the raccoon-like spots around her eyes.

All these the marks of a shattered body. If she herself was incapable of taking care of her own body it was insane to even think that she could share it with someone else.

That was a recurring thought in her head...

You are disgusting... both inside and out...

It was an easy thought to validate, and oddly enough, being right consoled her.

But, this time there was something different, the skin of her face, the one that covered her nose, cheeks, forehead, and chin; It was not covered by dead skin from her dermatitis. She looked healthy there.

It felt smooth. She felt pretty…

It wasn't gross... that feeling of self-loathing wasn't entirely unfounded this time.

What could she think of that? The dermatitis on her skin was a product of the daily stress she had to endure... but she was no longer suffering from as much stress as before, and soon the spots in her eyes could go away in the same way, maybe she could even get rid of the irritation on her neck's skin, a result of the multiple times she has scratched there to quench her anxiety.

It was not difficult to discover the reason behind these changes, and although the new meds were in part guilty, who really was shattering the days of agony for the girl was the child lying on her bed right now.

God ... I wish you were an illusion ... what I would be doing to you right now hahah...

Loan's smile instantly vanished, now turned into a painful gaze focused on her own reflection.

No. That's wrong. Fuck, like, really. The first thing I did when I woke up was to wish I could fuck him? And I still wanna do it, damn it, No, just no Loan…

She stared at her reflection, a rising heat pumping her heart.

Look how well you are doing with him by your side and all you can think of is how to screw it all up.

Her hands gripped the sink, the anger and hate clouding her thoughts.

Isn't there a way to stop this? Please, I just don't want to be a sadist anymore-

Her train of thought was interrupted by a tear; her simple, spontaneous, and strong desire now materialized.

I don't want this weak and miserable body.

And that same desire pulled out the others from their hideout.

I don't want to have to keep hearing voices.

I don't want to live this fight each day.

I want to be useful, to be someone, someone good… someone who has it easier.

To be normal.

I just ... I just don't want to be me.

Her hands covered her damp face, unable to stop the flow of desires from turning into tears. Soon that same torrent of pleading ended up deafening her. Loan knew her mouth was open, she knew she was crying, but she was unable to know the extent of her wailings.

And… there she was, mentally beating her own self-image, squeezing her hands into a fist, and piercing her skin in an attempt to punish herself. That skin that had managed to heal was a lie, there were no reasons for her to recover… she did not deserve it. Fate had treated her badly. The world had treated her badly. It was clear from the beginning: she deserved nothing more than to be treated badly.

The bathroom door opened. It was Lori, she thought. It had to be her mother again, once again arriving just when things were getting out of control...

But it was not Lori, not this time... Loan had forgotten.

"Loan? Is something wrong?"

It was her cousin, her little Bobby, he still looked half asleep and the sparkle in his eyes as he stared at her was opaque, almost undetectable.

No, you shouldn't-

Loan immediately clenched her fists again, inflicting pain as a reprimand for not seeing the obvious, why would Bobby be there in the first place? If not to see her in that state. It was clear, fate was showing her yet again that she did not deserve to be happy.

"I don't like to see you crying... can I do something to help you?"

Loan had to inhale, hard, and suppress the hatred within herself as the boy's purity turned into something obscene within her wrenched mind. She was about to deny the boy's good intentions when he caught her in a hug.

"I believe we all deserve to be happy. Especially those who have it more difficult, just like you, Loan."

"Bo- Booby, no... Please... you don't know w-what you're saying," Loan spoke with difficulty, for her desire to cry was still there, her anger was still hurting her psyche, and her lungs were unable to breathe rhythmically, "what I have is treatable, many have lived with this. I'm just the only one useless enough to fall this low."

"I do not care about the others," The sparkle in the child's eyes became clearer, "Only you can know what it is like to be in your shoes. And only you matter to me. I don't know those others, I only know you, and I just want to help you."

Bobby's grip grew in strength, "I wish I could help you but I don't know how… I just know that you are important to me, I feel that our connection is special and that I want to enjoy the days to come with you. Uh-uh… Th-this." Bobby paused for a moment, his voice cracking. "Is this, is this what it feels like to finally have a family?

Loan, who was previously unable to hear her own cries, immediately noticed the tiny sounds of her little cousin's runny nose. Her body moved on instinct, bending down and hugging her precious Bobby, who in response fervidly caressed her cheek against her.

"It feels… it feels warm… it's beautiful. And I don't want to lose it-" He sniffed, "finally… I finally have a family and I don't want to lose it."

Bobby's words were like an anesthetic to Loan's pain, weakening the strength of her hate, and gradually the wishes clouding her mind and tainting her cheeks became unable to materialize.

The reason was simple: Bobby, someone who had barely known her, appreciated who she was.

Someone with no direct link to her, someone not forced to be with her, accept her or care for her… Saw her as someone invaluable.

There was someone who did want to Loan to exist.

"Bobby... thanks for your words... I feel a little better... No. I feel a lot better."

It was true, even though Loan had to take a deep breath to keep calm, the truth was that a swelling warmth within her was soothing her soul.

"I still have a long way to go before I can say that I'll be fine... but you helped me get out of the pit this time. Just... try not to put too much pressure on yourself. My doctor is the one who will take care of the heavy lifting, okay?"

Bobby broke away from his cousin and nodded several times before letting his gaze focus on what was in front of him.

"Well, now ... I think I should take a ba..."

Loan then noticed it, the small irises, the flustered face, hands squeezing the sides of his shorts. Bobby had a front-row view of her barely covered chest.

"Uhm..."

"Uhm ... I-I… I," Bobby was finally the first to react. He covered his eyes and ran out of the room as soon as he could, slamming the door on his way out. "Sorry, Loan!"

"Ah… Don't worry Bobby..."

From the footsteps she heard afterward, Loan was at least certain that her last message was received. It was inevitable for her to smile after that. Sure, there was certain lust running wild in her mind, but at that moment she had enough strength to ignore those thoughts.

She had many things to think about, some of those could be sorted out in the shower, but the rest would have to wait until she and Bobby's enjoy the rest of the day.

Bobby certainly deserves a good day after what I made him go through...

And me too... I deserve a good day as well.

Author's note, the sequel: Just a little head's up, I'll be traveling next week (work stuff and a lot of food if I'm lucky) and after that, I'll take my vacations. I usually go to my parents on those days, and the PC over there is not suited to... well, almost anything.

is more than likely that I won't be writing during vacation, but I'll try my best to keep working on the translation of my other fic "controlling your desires".

That's all lad, I hope you have a nice day.