Anyone else in emotional turmoil after last night? Even if he said it just as a friend...I still am a hot freaking mess lol. May 13th needs to hurry the hell up!

Anyway - here is the next update. I've written a ton int he last few days while on vacation so I'll try and update as soon as I can again. Thanks for all the feedback!

******One important note - After this chapter, the rating will be bumped up to M. So please note that when you are searching for the story! ;)

Two days had passed since Olivia had stayed with the kids during the storm. She had ended up staying another night as the roads were still unsafe and the six of them had camped out again in the living room. Elliot and Olivia lay curled up together on the couch and Elliot wanted her here every night...but he knew if he said that it would probably send Olivia packing before he had an official date with her. Now they were back at work, both were trying to keep things neutral, trying to make sure that they didn't let anything slip.

At least not yet...it wasn't that Elliot wanted to keep things a secret. He'd like to shout it from the rooftop to anyone who would listen that Olivia was his and he was hers. However, he knew that it would mean a lot of changes all at once. Olivia was the kind of woman that needed to take things one step at a time and deep down Elliot too wasn't ready to say goodbye to their partnership quite yet either. Even though the change would be worth it, it would feel like a giant loss in his life and knew it would be for her too. Not to mention...the thought of leaving SVU...leaving her here wasn't something he could quite comprehend no matter what he had told Olivia.

On this particular afternoon, he was sitting at his desk taking a bit of a break. Well...actually he was admiring Olivia from across the way. She was bent over some files, one hand tangled in her shoulder length chestnut hair. She was focussed, biting her lip, her brown eyes scanning back and forth across the paper. How was it that the night before he had been wrapped up with her on his couch exploring all the new possibilities and now he had to keep his hands to himself? Sure he had done that for years...but now he knew what it felt like to kiss Olivia Benson, what she tasted like…

He felt her staring before he could process it, and he knew he had been busted. He gave her a sheepish grin and she rolled her eyes but the corners of her lips turned up in the slightest of smiles before whispering. "Get a grip Stabler...we're at work."

He rested his elbows on the table and smiled at her, while he had been staring he had thought very carefully about his next move, "Have dinner with me."

Clearly, she hadn't been expecting that and her face showed it, "What?"

"Dinner." He said tapping the top of his desk more confidently, "Have dinner. With me. Tonight."

Her eyes, glanced around the precinct clearly worried that someone was listening in, "Elliot I…"

Standing up, Elliot walked over to her and sat down on the edge of her desk, "Say yes."

Her face flushed and she looked down at her hands, "Dinner?"

"Yes. Dinner. Something we've done a million times before." He said with a tender smile trying to ease the tension, "Just say yes."

She took a deep breath and whispered, "We have had dinner a million times before...but this is different. Isn't it?"

"Yes. It is." He said softly, "But different doesn't have to be bad, Liv…" She looked up at him again, with a soft, hopeful look and he shrugged, "So far some of the changes we've made in the last two days have been pretty great if you ask me. I'd like to explore those a bit more. If...you'll let me."

She smirked, and raised an eyebrow at him questioningly, "You're asking permission?"

He shrugged but smiled, "I told you...this is all your choice Olivia. So yes...I'm asking permission." She nodded slowly and then looked down, "You still didn't answer me." She froze, then glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, "Have dinner with me…"

Taking a steadying breath, she knew there was no reason to run away. Not from him. Not this time. She could tell herself a thousand times that this wasn't right, that he didn't truly love her. But deep down she knew it would never be true. He loved her...she could feel it. And in her heart, she knew she loved him too even if she wasn't ready to tell him.

Lifting her eyes towards his, needing to look straight into his blue eyes she smiled and nodded her head. "Yes."

He couldn't stop the boyish grin that appeared on his face, he knew he probably looked ridiculous. And if anyone looked at them, they'd probably know exactly what was happening but that didn't matter. She had said yes. Sure they had kissed. Sure he had told her he loved her and he did. But this...was different. After so many years, he had finally had the guts to ask her out on a real date and she said yes. Olivia Benson had actually said yes.

"Okay." He said standing up, he let out a little triumphant laugh and then he turned slowly and glanced at the clock, "Okay…"

She smirked and whispered, "You're realizing we have about six hours to go before we can actually leave…"

His grin turned into a frown and he sighed, "Crap…"

Laughing, she stood up and walked behind him, letting her hand trail across his back gently, "You'll live."

When he watched her walk all the way past him towards Cragen's office with her paperwork, he could swear she was swaying her hips more than usual. Taking a steadying breath, he looked back at his desk and wondered how the hell he was going to survive the rest of the day. He also hoped to God they didn't catch a case and would have to stay late. He had waited to damn long for this and he wasn't about to wait any longer.

Lucky for them, it had been a quiet day at the precinct and they were able to leave on time. As they left, Olivia insisted on taking a cab home and he had been worried it was her way of wanting to get away from him. But she had assured him, she just had some errands to run before going home. They agreed that he would pick her up, though she had insisted it wasn't necessary. He of course had protested, telling her that it was. That if they were going to do this, he was going to do it right.

Now she was standing in her bedroom, staring at herself in the mirror. Much like she had the night that Ethan had taken her out. Much like every night on any other date she had gone on. And yet...this felt like something so much more important. It felt like the start of something...something good, something real, something solid. She smoothed her hands down the soft fabric of her black dress and leaned in to check her makeup. Elliot had seen her after a three day bender at work, wearing rumpled clothes, unbrushed hair and bags under her eyes. But...that didn't mean she didn't want him to want her.

When she heard the knock on her door, she had to press a hand into her belly and steady herself. Closing her eyes tightly, she reminded herself that this was Elliot. He was still her Elliot. And change...didn't need to be a bad thing. With one last look in the mirror, she dashed out to the living room, slipped on her red heels and grabbed her bag. Her hand fell on the door knob, and she wondered if he was as nervous as she was. Turning the door knob, she looked down, not quite ready to look at him. She heard him inhale sharply, and a smile spread on her lips before she lifted her head.

"Hi." She whispered, feeling like her breath had been caught in her throat looking at him too.

Elliot stood there in a pair of dark wash jeans, a white button up shirt and his leather jacket that he knew she loved. He shifted from foot to foot and let his eyes roam over her, not even ashamed of how he was staring. She looked incredible. She always did. But now...he had the right to look and take it all in.

"Hi." He whispered softly, "You look...amazing. You're so...beautiful. I…" He shook his head and laughed slightly, "I don't...quite know what else to say. Probably...not quite good enough. You've been told you're beautiful by other men but I-"

"It's much different coming from you." She smiled nervously, tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and let her hand slide down the doorframe, "Thank you…"

He felt his heart thump in his chest and then he pulled his hand from behind his back to reveal flowers, "These are for you."

She glanced at the flowers, then back up at him. She clearly hadn't anticipated this type of gesture and he wondered if anyone had ever bothered to buy her flowers. "I…"

He shrugged his shoulders, "I told you...if we're doing this I plan on doing it right. Don't want to mess anything up."

Her eyes glossed over with unshed tears and for a moment, he was worried he had overwhelmed her. But then she smiled, reached out and took the flowers from him. She was close, very close and he could smell her perfume. It sent a wave of desire straight to his core. She bit her lip gently, made full eye contact with him and smiled.

Leaning up, she pressed her lips to his cheek, "They're beautiful. Thank you." Pulling back slightly, she looked back into her apartment, "Come in for a sec while I put them in water?"

He nodded and watched as she turned from him and headed towards the kitchen. He walked into the apartment, not bothering to shut the door fully behind him. He assumed they'd be leaving quickly anyway. He glanced around the familiar space, her space. He knew it was a privilege to even be let into her apartment. That wasn't easy for her. She had told him she never let anyone stay...not that he was expecting anything tonight. It was only their first date and he didn't want her to feel any pressure. He had to be a gentleman...had to prove that he was worthy of her.

Suddenly, she was beside him again and had reached out to touch his cheek, catching him deep in a thought, "El?"

Snapping back into reality, he smiled at her, "Hey. Hi. Sorry…"

Cocking her head to the side she smiled up at him, "You okay? Lost you there for a second…"

He smiled and shook his head, "Yeah...I was just thinking."

"About?" She asked with a little eyebrow raise, challenging him.

He stared down at her, and he couldn't help himself as he leaned in and tangled his hand in her hair, "You."

"Me?" The blush rose in her cheeks and he smiled, "What about me?"

"Just...that I'm feeling so damn lucky to be here with you right now. That you...said yes. That you want to spend time with me." He rested his other hand on her hip and she pressed herself into him.

"I do want to spend time with you. I like spending time with you. As scared as I was...there was no other answer but yes." She said with a little shrug, "This is exactly where I'm supposed to be."

Dinner suddenly leaving his brain, Elliot leaned forward and captured her lips in a passionate kiss. Something he had been wanting to do all day. Her hands clung to his forearms as they stumbled backwards until his back hit the door and slammed it shut. He fisted her wavy hair, pulling her even closer and she moaned into his mouth, letting one of her hands move away from his arm and to his chest. He was so consumed by his need for her, his desire that he let himself get carried away. His hand slid from her hair to the nape of her neck and trailed down to the strap of her dress until his fingers slid underneath the fabric and pushed it towards her shoulder. He heard her gasp in surprise and then he was quickly brought back to reality and he turned his head away from her.

She stumbled slightly but caught herself, her eyes instantly opened and sought his, "El-"

He shook his head, biting his lip to keep from pulling her close again, "Liv we can't-"

She smiled at him, knowing that he was trying to be chivalrous and she loved him for that but she wanted him more, "It's okay. You have my permission Elliot…"

Hearing his words from earlier, he closed his eyes and sighed, "You're going to be the death of me. Did you know that?"

Laughing softly, she pressed up into him again and kissed him with all her might, "Elliot...I want it too."

"Not like this." He said holding her arm tightly, trying to make her understand. "Not like this Liv…"

Pulling back slightly, she pouted, "But if we both want-"

"There are lots of things I want." He said gazing at her, pleading with her to understand him, "One of those things is to have dinner with you."

Stepping back, she held one hand on his chest and sighed, "You're serious about this...aren't you?"

He shrugged, "You say that like it's a bad thing. I'm not rejecting you...not turning you down. Trust me when I say that I want…" His eyes flickered towards her bedroom and she shivered, "I want to make love to you Olivia. When the time is right."

"And the time isn't right?" She asked softly, he shook his head, "Elliot…"

"I told you that I wanted to do this right. That I wanted to take this slow and I mean that. I can't take the risk of doing something you aren't ready for." He saw her start to retreat and he quickly reached for her, "I love you. That hasn't changed. But you deserve more than me walking in here and taking what I want without-"

"What we both want." She said, giving him a frustrated look, "What we both want."

He nodded and stepped up to her again, he tangled his hands in her hair and sighed, "What we both want. But please...let me do this the right way. I need to do this...I need to show you...what this is. What my intentions are."

Biting her lip, she put her hand over his and slid it down his arm, "Hm…"

"Hm?" He asked, leaning in he nuzzled the side of her face, "Liv...let me take you to dinner. Please? I've waited a hell of a long time for this…"

Taking a deep breath, she looked him straight in the eye, "Dinner…"

"Dinner." He said with a little nod of his head, and a look of pleading in his eyes.

"Okay." She stepped back, gave him one last look and then shook her head before grabbing her coat, "Let's go."

He watched her for a moment, trying to find a trace of anger or hurt but he didn't see any, "Okay…"

She reached for the door knob and pulled it, making him stumble aside, "What...did you change your mind? We can-"

She pointed to her room and he grumbled, "Seriously going to kill me woman…"

Laughing, she stepped out into the hallway and leaned against the wall waiting for him. She heard him grumbling something under his breath and she couldn't help but smile. He had been right about one thing...many men had told her she was beautiful. Many men had desired her. But the only one she wanted to want her was Elliot. And he was the only man that respected her enough to say no... even when he wanted her just as bad. Yeah...this was going to be good.

After a moment, he joined her out in the hallway and she gave him a teasing smile, "All set?" She asked as she shrugged on her coat.

"Uh huh." He said adjusting his coat and turning to shut the door behind them, "Let's go."

When he stepped up beside her, she slipped her hand into his and squeezed. When she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, she had been worried he would look frustrated. Instead, he was smiling. And when he lifted his eyes to hers, he gave her a wink and she felt that flutter in her chest. She was definitely exactly where she was supposed to be…

Forty five minutes later, they were settled at the restaurant. A cozy, romantic Italian restaurant that Olivia knew she had mentioned to him months before about wanting to try. Proof that he did listen to her…

They were both nursing a drink, neither of them wanting to lose control tonight. But mostly not wanting to miss a minute. It was the first time they were truly alone since all of this started. They were seated in a quiet booth in the corner of the dining room, far enough away from the major chaos of the restaurant. Elliot was leaning back, his arm resting against the leather of the booth behind her. Occasionally, his thumb would brush the back of her neck and each time it did, she couldn't help but think back to the way he had kissed her so posessively at her apartment as if he was claiming her. The thought would normally bother her, it would feel suffocating to know that a man felt she belonged to him. And yet...it was exactly what she wanted. To be his and only his.

"You okay?" He asked, watching her gaze down at the wine in her hand.

Nodding, she smiled and looked up at him, "Yeah. I'm good."

His thumb grazed her neck again and he felt her shiver, "You're comfortable enough?" She nodded, "Not cold? Do you like your drink or-"

"Elliot…" He hand reached out and pressed into his arm, "Breathe." She saw him inhale sharply and then let it out, "I'm having a wonderful time."

He chewed on his bottom lip, studying her expression to see if he believed her and he did, "I just want to make sure that you're going to want a second date…"

She smiled, shook her head and leaned into him, "You can count on it." He raised an eyebrow in question and she shrugged, "I may be...hesitant. A little nervous. But it's not...it's not about me not wanting this. Not wanting you. I know how I feel...what I want." She squinted her eyes and scrunched up her nose, "It's just...I've been alone a long time El. It's hard to...let someone in. Completely."

His arm around her, tightened it's hold and settled around her neck, "I know it is."

"To be honest...I've let you in more than anyone else. Even before we…" She looked down at her drink again and sighed, "I trust you completely. I just don't trust myself."

"Hey…" Leaning forward, he lifted her chin and looked straight into her eyes, "I trust you."

Tears welled in her eyes and she sighed, "At least one of us does…"

"What is it that you're' afraid of?" He asked, "Maybe...we can work on it together."

She let out an anxious breath and shrugged, "It's not one specific thing...it's lots of little things that eventually turn into big things."

He used one hand to reach for his beer and then used the other to rub her neck again, "Like?"

He watched her eyes flutter shut for a moment at the contact before saying, "Like...the fact that I've lived alone for a very long time.I tend to like the quiet. And that I'm worried that I'll get overwhelmed with…"

"With...my family?" He asked softly, he saw her cringe and he leaned in needing her to know her words didn't anger him, "It's okay...I understand that."

"Elliot I need you to know that I love those kids. More than I thought possible. And I know that if I...if we...do this. That it's all part of the deal. It's not that I'm unsure about them...or being around them. I just don't want to fail them…" She whispered and then shrugged, "I don't want to fail you."

Elliot sighed and leaned into her, "Liv you aren't going to fail them or me…"

"You don't know that." She said with a little shrug, "I've never had to be responsible for others. It's always just been me. I make my own choices...choices that only impact me. But now...now I'd have to think about your kids. About you. About what would make sense for all of us. And what if I screw something up? Even if I don't mean too? That's a lot of pressure. I know firsthand the pain that comes from a parent-" She paused and then blushed, "Not that I'm...I'm not their...I'm not trying to be-"

"But you are." He said with a smile, "In the three years that Kathy has been gone...you have been more of a Mother to my four kids than she ever was. Don't you realize that's what made me fall so damn hard for you? I knew before...that I was attracted to you. That I wanted...to explore a different side of our relationship. I knew that you had a good heart, that you were smart, and kind, brave and incredibly fierce. But the way you dropped everything to be there for my kids...for me...God Liv it made me feel a kind of love I didn't know was possible."

Her heart ached as he spoke and she wished it could be easy, but nothing ever was, "Elliot…"

"You might make mistakes. Lord knows I do every single day. And yeah...some are worse than others. But I don't doubt your devotion to them. I know you would never hurt them intentionally. I know that you would and will try your best to be a Mother to them. A partner to me...because you already have. You've done that everyday for the last three years and even longer if we're being honest. I trust you Olivia. With everything. And I always will." He whispered, hoping she truly heard him.

She rested her hand on his knee and squeezed, "Just like that?"

He leaned in, pressed a kiss to her lips and whispered, "Just like that." She didn't move, didn't pull away and he asked, "So...where does that leave us?"

She sighed and rested her forehead against his and whispered, "I guess...it leaves us...with me needing to figure out a way to stop being so damn stubborn."

He chuckled slightly and shrugged, "You're talking to the King of stubborn Liv. You can keep pushing me away...but I'll keep pulling you back. I'm not giving up on you."

Without hesitation, she leaned forward and kissed him gently, "Good to know."

Kissing her lips again, he pulled back enough to kiss her cheeks and then her nose and then smiled, "Still going to get a second date?"

She laughed, and threaded her fingers with his, "Definitely."

Elliot gave her a wink and pulled their joined hands into his lap. Their food came to the table, and they slipped back into a comfortable, easy conversation, both grateful for the connection they had built long before this date…

After dinner, neither one of them were quite ready to have the night end. Without talking it through, they both seemed to understand the others thoughts (as usual). They began to walk through the city, hand in hand with no real destination in mind. It was still cold, but between the alcohol and the hand holding neither one of them were feeling the effects of the temperature.

How many times had they walked the streets of the city together late at night? How many times had they fell in step beside each other without needing to say a word? To many to count...but none of those times involved holding hands. Glancing over at her, he saw that she was still smiling which had to be a good sign, didn't it?

She caught him staring again and shook her head and uttered the same words as earlier today, "Get a grip Stabler…"

He chuckled and let go of her hand, only so he could wrap his arm around her shoulder and pull her closer, "Busted again."

"Mhm…" She leaned into him as they walked, slipping her arm around his waist, "You need to watch at work by the way...people are going to notice."

He cleared his throat and whispered, "About that…"

Olivia froze and he faltered slightly, "What do you mean about that?" He turned to her with a guilty expression, "Who did you tell?"

"I...technically didn't tell anyone anything." He said, shaking his head, "But we work with Detectives so they can usually figure things out on their own."

Narrowing her eyes at him, she pulled her coat around her suddenly feeling the temperature around her, "Elliot…"

"Fin and Munch...sort of figured it out. I think they've been sensing it for awhile. I didn't say anything official." He said with a shrug hoping she believed him.

"But you didn't deny anything either?" She asked and he shook his head, "Damn it Elliot...we agreed to not cross the line yet. This changes everything."

"No. It doesn't." He said defensively, "Fin and John agreed that they wouldn't tell anyone anything. But just so you know...they're on your side."

Her head was spinning and she couldn't understand what he was saying, "What do you mean they're on my side? Did we break up already?"

"Hopefully not...although I can see by the look on your face that that's a possibility." He said with a huff.

Pressing a hand to her forehead she sighed, "I don't...understand."

"They were just letting me know that if I screwed this up...they would pick your side. Also that they'd break my body." He said with a smirk, "Although...I think you might get to first. You've got your Benson is going to kick some serious ass look on your face."

She growled, then turned and started to walk, "Damn it…"

"Liv…" He quickly walked up behind her, not willing to let her pull away so soon, "Liv wait...this is not how tonight was supposed to go."

She stopped short, turned to him and frowned, "El...I wasn't ready. I told you that."

"I know." He whispered, "I know...but I think that everyone has been watching this go on for years. They were waiting for it to...become something more."

"That's the problem." She said pointing a finger at him, "That's why I didn't want them to know yet."

Elliot stepped back slightly, both confused and slightly hurt by her words, "What? What's that supposed to mean?" She shook her head and looked away from him, "Are you ashamed of me? To be with me?"

She gasped and stared at him, her mouth hung open, "What? No!"

"That's what it feels like." He said, hands on hips, "Here I was wanting to tell everyone because I'm so damn proud to be with you but you don't think I'm wor-"

"Stop." She held up her hand, "Stop. That is NOT what I meant. I'm not ashamed to be with you or of you. And I do want people to know...I want to be able to-" She sighed and looked down fidgeting with the buttons on her coat, "You wouldn't understand. You're a man."

"Yes. Last time I checked I am a man. I thought that was part of the reason that you liked me." He said angrily.

"Elliot…" She said with an exasperated cry, "Do you have any idea how hard it is to be a woman working in a male dominated world?"

He let her words sink in for a moment and then shrugged, "What does that-"

"From the moment I walked into the Precinicent I had a target on my back. I had people making assumptions about who I was. About what I was and was not capable of. I knew that and I have worked my ass off to prove that I deserve to be there. That I'm just as good as all of you guys. Do you know how exhausting that gets? I can never let anyone see me break. Never let them see me look weak." She was talking so fast she had to stop to catch her breath.

"Look...I know that it is different. I get that. And I'm sorry...I wish it wasn't. But you have more than proved that you're damn good at what you do Olivia. You're better than all of us combined. There's no doubt in that. But what the hell does that have to do with us?" He asked, gesturing a hand between them.

She frowned, tears welling in her eyes, "You don't hear all the comments because people are too afraid to say it to your face. But I've spent our entire partnership denying that we were sleeping together. Sometimes they say it to me directly, make some joke about how it's the only way I've been able to stay this long. Other times it's under their breath in passing...about how I must work overtime on my back in your bed so you'll put in a good word for me…"

Elliot's blood boiled and he stepped closer to her, "Who said that?"

She shook her head and turned from him again, "It doesn't matter Elliot…"

Grabbing her arm, he turned her again and forced her to face him, "It does matter. When I go back in there I'm going to-"

"To what? Kick their ass?" She glared at him and sighed, "And what good would that do? Just prove that you can't control your anger?"

He growled, "I don't give a shit about that. If I had known what people were saying I would have done something about it. Then maybe you'd not feel so anxious about this."

"Whether I heard it or not...it would still be said. It's called being a female cop Elliot. It is what it is." She said with a shrug.

"Well that's crap." He said in frustration, "And I'm not letting it be the reason that you end this."

"I didn't say I want to end this." She said looking at him, "I just...I have to figure out how to handle this. I love this job Elliot...I'm good at it. That sounds conceited but I...it's all I know. It's always been the one thing I'm sure of."

He swallowed hard, afraid of the answer to his next question, "Are you not sure about us?"

"No." She reached for his hand, "Elliot no...that's not what I meant. This is coming out wrong." She removed her hand and covered her face, "It's just so damn complicated."

He took a deep breath and looked around them, "Well so much for a second date…"

Her head snapped up and she frowned, "El I'm serious...I'm still in this. I want this. I want you." He turned towards her and she shrugged, "I'm just...not sure who I am if I'm not an SVU Detective."

"I told you I'd leave if that's what it came down to." He said softly, "And I still mean that."

"But I don't want that either." She said, reaching for him, "I don't want you to leave...I like working with you." She swallowed hard and rubbed a hand over his chest, focusing on the feel of the fabric under her fingers, "To be honest? I think part of me...is already mourning the loss of what we were. I know what we will be is worth the sacrifice. But it still hurts…"

"I understand that…" He whispered and covered her hand with his, "I feel that way too. You're the best partner I've ever had. The only one I've ever fully trusted and knew had my six. But...you're right, losing our partnership will be worth it if we can have a life together."

Glancing up at him she pouted, "Couldn't you have been a Doctor or something...some guy that I randomly met at a bar?"

He threw his head back and laughed, shaking his head, "I don't think we'd be here if one of us chose a different profession, Liv. Part of who we are right now is based on that partnership…"

"You're right.' She said, reaching for his hand, "It's just...hard."

With his free hand, he tilted her chin up to look at him, "Look I'm sorry...I shouldn't have brought this up tonight. We were having a great time and I ruined that...I'll just take you home and-"

Leaning forward, she kissed him gently, "You didn't ruin anything. If we're going to do this...we're going to have some serious conversations. And this is a big one. I don't think we'll be able to solve any of these problems tonight. But that doesn't mean we need to let it end our night…"

Raising an eyebrow towards her, "Liv…"

She laughed and tugged him closer, "Afraid to be alone with me Detective?"

"We're alone right now…" He said glancing around and she laughed, "But...yeah. I don't trust you to keep your hands to yourself Benson."

She smiled, wrapped her arms around his waist and beamed up at him, "Yeah...you shouldn't trust me."

He growled and pressed his forehead to hers, "Liv...I just think that-"

"I know." She said with a teasing laugh, "And...believe it or not I actually agree with you. We shouldn't rush this…" He gave her a questioning look and she shrugged, "Just because I said you can't crawl into my bed...doesn't mean we can't have a little fun making out on the couch."

He smiled, tugged her hand and turned her around to walk back towards his car, "I could be okay with that." He heard her laughing as she walked beside him, and then he stopped, "Liv wait…"

She stopped short and turned towards him, "What's wrong?"

"I just...need to make sure that we're okay." He frowned trying to choose his words carefully, "I'm sorry...that you had to deal with those stupid comments. And I still reserve the right to kick some serious ass when I find out-"

"Elliot." She squeezed his hand tightly, "Yeah it does suck. And over the years it's bothered me...it still does."

She stopped talking and he worried there was something she was holding back, "Liv…:

Taking a moment to compose her thoughts, she looked up at him and knew how she felt about him was more important than anyone else's opinion. "You asked me if I was ashamed of what we have...and I'm not. I could never be ashamed of you...of us. So maybe it's time to stop fighting it. Let them think whatever they want." She shrugged, leaned into him and felt him wrap his arms around her as a smile spread across his face, "We know the truth. All I care about is what you think of me. About us."

"I think…" He whispered to her, "You are pretty amazing. And as far as us...I think it's everything I've ever wanted and more."

Kissing him softly, she squeezed his hips and smiled, "Alright then. To answer your question...we're okay. We're more than okay."

Turning around, she walked backwards, pulling him along with her smiling so fiercely it made his heart soar. He hated thinking about what she had endured at work without him knowing. Yes he had heard the rumors from time to time but mostly no one said anything to his face. He wasn't going to overstep any boundaries but he did know that whatever way this went at work...he had to protect her. And he would.

When they got back to her apartment, Olivia could sense that he was nervous and she couldn't help but find it to be adorable. No man ever respected her enough to not drag her to bed on a first date or at least try. He was currently standing in her living room, looking out the window at the city below while she got them each a drink.

When she walked up behind him, he jumped slightly when she pressed the cold beer into his back, "Relax Stabler...I promise I don't bite."

He huffed, turned and took the beer before whispering, "I'm not sure I believe that."

She smiled and leaned against the cool glass of the window, hoping it would cool her desire. "Smart man…"

He watched her carefully as she took a sip of her beer, never taking her eyes off of him, "You're trouble, did you know that?"

She laughed again and shrugged playfully, "Who me? I'm not doing anything...I'm just standing here looking at you."

"Yeah…" He said in a low voice, "Standing there in a dress that was clearly made as a second skin. And you're looking at me the way I've wanted you to look at me for years."

"I've been looking at you the same way since the day you met me." She said with an eye roll, "You just didn't notice."

"That's because I was afraid to see it." He said with a laugh, "I don't trust myself to not...jump you. Never have. Never will."

She pointed her bottle at him, "Just pointing out that I gave you permission this time…"

"See...trouble." He said backing away from her, "So much damn trouble."

She watched him walk towards the couch but he didn't sit down, "Elliot...if you want to leave-"

"I don't want to leave." He said looking at her, "I definitely don't want to leave. I just...want to wait."

Pushing herself off the window, she walked towards him and put her beer down on the coffee table, "Okay."

He glanced at her for a moment then whispered, "I uh...I want to say something but I'm afraid you're going to take it the wrong way."

She repeated his words in her head and whispered, "Then maybe don't say it…"

He frowned, worried he was taking them down a dangerous track again, "But I think I need too…"

"Okay…" She sat down slowly on the couch and looked up at him, "What's going on? Are you mad at me? I was just teasing but if-"

"No." He sat down on the coffee table across from her and reached for her hand, "No. I'm not mad at you. This isn't...about you." He paused and then whispered, "I...haven't...I just mean it's been awhile since I-"

And now she understood, "Elliot…"

He cringed and tried to pull away but she trapped her hand with his, "I don't want to bring her up...but quite frankly I haven't been with anyone since the night we conceived the twins."

"Hey…" She knew that this had to be incredibly difficult for him to say, "It's okay. I'm okay with waiting." He looked at her and she started to think there was more, "Elliot…" The look on his face told her everything she needed to know, "And you think that I've...been with a lot of men?"

"No...that's not." He cringed again and stood up, "See this came out wrong. Again. I wasn't trying to imply-"

"I know." She said softly, but she couldn't help but feel a little self conscious, "Look Elliot...yeah I've been on a lot of dates. But the truth is I don't...I'm not the kind of girl who…" She blushed and shrugged, "I'm sure once again people assume I do but-"

"I'm not assuming anything." He said looking at her, "But you're a beautiful woman who is independent and can make her own choices."

She nodded slowly, "You're right...I can and I do. If this is some kind of male competition or ego thing…"

He sighed and hung his head, "Liv…"

Standing up, she walked all the way up to him and wrapped her arms around his waist, "Elliot...I want you more than I have ever wanted anyone. I don't have to sleep with you to know that it's going to be incredible. I can feel it...when you look at me. And the few kisses we have shared…" She shook her head and nuzzled the side of his face, "No damn competition. I want YOU Stabler. And only you."

Elliot swallowed hard and held her face in his hands, "I just want...to satisfy you. And if I'm not...if you need more or want more...I need you to tell me. I want you so bad Liv...so bad it hurts. It shouldn't be possible to want someone this much."

Desire flushed through her and she felt her eyes flutter shut, "Elliot...you have me. All of me."

He sighed and rested his forehead against hers, "See...so much trouble."

She laughed a little and started to walk him backwards, "I promise I'll let you leave tonight with your virtue intact. But...I can't promise to be good."

Elliot fell back on the couch and grabbed her hips as she settled herself over his lap, "Okay...then I can't promise to be good either."

She beamed at him and ran her hands through his short hair, "Can't expect a girl to get a kiss from Elliot Stabler and not need more."

"Is that so?" He asked as his hands gripped the curve of her hip tightly.

"Mhm…" She let her eyes roam his face before settling on his lips, "So...do I have permission to kiss you Detective? Or is that...too dangerous?"

"Definitely too dangerous…" He said, pressing himself into her, making her gasp, "But...I think I'll take my chances."

She smiled that smile that taunted him in his dreams except now it was all real. Leaning forward, he caught her lower lip between his teeth and she moaned in pleasure and delight that he was finally giving in at least slightly. Her hands slid up his chest to hold his jaw and she gave as good as she got from him. It wasn't long before she felt his need for her pressing up into her core. She whimpered and felt her own desire building and settling between her legs.

She gasped when his lips moved from her lips to her jaw and she gripped him tighter, "Elliot…"

Trailing his lips and tongue across her chin and down to her neck he nipped at the skin tenderly, "Liv...God I want you…"

Pressing her hips into his she squeezed his bicep, "El…"

He groaned, slid his hand up her back and then flipped her over catching her by surprise. Laying her down on the couch before him, her brown hair fanned out behind her, her bronze skin glowed in the light of the moon and the lamp behind her. Her lips were slightly swollen from his kisses and her chest rose and fell hard as she tried to compose herself. Bracing one hand above her, he used the other to trace her lips, down her cheek and across her collarbone. She trembled at the contact and he could imagine what it would be like to trail his fingers across every inch of her body.

She saw him fighting some internal battle in his head so she lifted her hand and touched his cheek, "Hey...it's just me."

Elliot shook his head and smiled, "Just you?" Her cheeks flushed and he leaned forward to kiss her softly, "Liv...you are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I can't believe I get to be here with you...like this. To hold you, to touch you and kiss you and you're letting me. I've wanted this for so damn long…I've wanted you."

She smiled sweetly and leaned into his touch, pressing a kiss to his palm, "I already told you. You have me El...all of me."

His heart was pounding in his chest as he looked at her, "Olivia…"

Sighing, she touched his cheek again and sighed, "But...if you want to wait."

"If I want to wait…" He hung his head and groaned, "Damn it…"

"Wishing you weren't such a gentleman Stabler?" She heard him chuckle and it warmed her heart, letting her know it was okay to open up to him fully, "If you weren't a gentleman...weren't so damn sweet and respectful...you wouldn't be the man that I love."

Elliot was pretty sure he stopped breathing as his head was pressed against her chest. He could feel the steady rhythm of her heart and he tried to focus on it because he wasn't sure that his was still functioning. Her hands caressed him gently, letting him take the time he needed to process.

Slowly, he lifted his head and looked her straight in the eyes, "Liv…"

A slow tear escaped from her eye and she didn't try and wipe it away because she knew this was right. It was so right. And she felt it with every fiber of her being. She had for so long and she was tired of fighting it. Laying here in his arms, feeling his love for her, his loyalty and his respect for her well being.

"I love you." She whispered softly, "I am in love with you Elliot Stabler. And I'm not telling you this because I want…I mean I do want…" She laughed a little and then sighed, "I just thought you should know the truth." When he didn't respond and still just stared at her in complete shock she began to feel self conscious, "Is...that okay?"

He finally spoke and she heard the surprise in his voice, followed by a little laughter, "Is that okay? You're asking me if it's okay that you love me?"

She laughed softly and shrugged, "Yes?"

"Olivia…" He pulled away and she immediately felt the loss of his embrace, "God…"

Pulling herself up, she pulled at her dress, suddenly feeling a little exposed and vulnerable, "El I'm sorry-"

His head snapped up and he reached for her, "No. Don't apologize. Unless...you didn't mean it?"

She covered her hand with his and whispered, "El I've never meant anything more in my life. I told you I've never said that...to a man. Not to...anyone really." She paused and smiled, "Well to your kids but this is different…" Lifting her eyes to his again she sighed, now that she had said it out loud she didn't seem able to hold it in. Nor did she want to, "I love you."

Breathing a sigh of relief, he rested his forehead against hers, "You have no idea how good it is to hear you say that...to know that we're on the same page. Tonight's been a bit of a roller coaster...more than once I thought I had screwed this up before I ever really had the chance."

Holding his forearm tightly, she rubbed her thumb across his skin, "It has been a rollercoaster. But quite frankly...I wouldn't expect anything less from us. The road to get here was never easy. And...the road ahead probably won't be either."

"No...it probably won't." He whispered to her, "But tell me it will be worth it...that we're worth it."

Taking a deep breath, she nodded her head knowing that as strong as she was, he was just as afraid as she was. He may be tough but he too had been hurt in the past and this was a big jump, one that could cause them both pain if it didn't end well, "More than worth it."

Closing his eyes, he smiled and let himself feel fully completely happy, since this all started because he knew she was in this too. "Liv...God I love you."

"But…" She whispered softly, "You need to go home."

He sighed and nodded slowly, opening his eyes to look at her. "Yeah...I need to go. It's not because I don't want you...you know that, right?"

She smiled and kissed him gently, "I know El. I know you want me...I also know you love me." His eyes bore into hers and she felt it, "You love me so much that you know deep down...I'm not ready for this despite the fact that I might want it."

Clearing his throat he pulled away just enough to look at her fully, "I know…"

Taking a deep breath, she stood up and started to tug on his hand, "Okay...well then if we're really going to do the right thing...I'm going to need you to go now. Otherwise...I'm dragging you to my bedroom and you'll never leave."

He laughed as he stood up and followed her towards the door, "Don't tempt me…"

She smiled and grabbed his coat and pressed it into his chest, "Thank you...for a wonderful night. I really hope you call me for a second date."

Elliot chuckled and opened the door, "I had an amazing night too. Thanks for saying yes when I asked…"

He stepped out into the hallway and she sighed, leaning against the doorframe, "Goodnight Elliot."

Lifting his hand, he ran his fingers through her hair and leaned in, "Goodnight Olivia." He kissed her once, pulled back and whispered, "I love you."

He saw the look in her eyes and it made it ten times harder to pull away, "I love you too."

She pressed her hand into his chest and pushed back slightly and stepped backwards. She saw him let out a little shaky breath, and she offered him a little smile and a wave before she shut the door not trusting herself enough to run after him. She pressed her back into the smooth wood and pressed a hand to her abdomen, reminding herself to breathe. She listened for movement on the other side of the door but she didn't hear any.

But she did hear her phone...frowning, she walked across the room to where she had left her bag. She hoped it wasn't work. She wasn't in the mood to go in right now. Although...it would be a good distraction from her very impure thoughts…

She didn't look at the name on the screen before answering, "Benson."

"Have dinner with me again on Friday." The voice on the other end said.

She couldn't help but laugh, "Elliot?"

"Who the hell else would be calling you for a dinner date?" He grumbled into the phone.

She laughed again, "No one important."

He huffed and she could hear him getting into his car, "Damn straight." The car door closed and he asked again, "So? Dinner on Friday?"

"I'd love to." She said with a smile, "Although that's three long days away…"

"I know. Which is why I'm also inviting you to dinner at my house with my kids every night in between. Unless we get stuck at work in which case...we'll have dinner together in a dingy old squad room surrounded by the scum of the earth and our neanderthal co-workers." He answered, "Hope that's okay."

"Sounds perfect El." She sat down on the couch and then said, "And as much as I'd like to stay on the phone with you...I'd much prefer it if you got home safely so we can have all those dinners. And then some…"

"Fine. If you insist." He said with a playful sneer.

"I insist." She said softly, "I'm not done with you just yet and I'd like to see where this thing goes…'

"You and me both. Goodnight Benson." He said softly and then hung up the phone.

Leaning back on the couch, she could still smell him and she sighed, "You're in love Benson…" She whispered to herself, "God help you now…"

Reaching for one of the pillows, she covered her face and couldn't stop the smile erupting on her face or keep herself from kicking her legs on the cushions like a small child. She was in so deep now, and in the past that would have terrified her. In some small ways it did...but nothing had ever felt more right and that was how she knew she could finally let go.