(Barry's P.O.V) Another 2 weeks later

Thing's hadn't gotten any better, in fact some would say they had gotten worse. Of course I try to stay positive when it comes to my own misfortune but one can only take so much and I was at my breaking point.

Of course life was hard but I'd experienced worse, being an orphan taught me, if anything, to be tough and to get by on your own, something I was accustomed to. The only problem was that I was slowly drowning in my own fucked up life.

First off I was down a job, leaving me with only 2 and a lot less income.

Having a metabolism like mine meant constant grocery shopping, and 3 job's was barely covering everything let alone 2 jobs.

So money was tight but the hard part was the letter's in the mail every goddamn week, as if I didn't have enough on my plate Bruce was sending me checks in the mail.

I already feel guilty enough for having not paid him back for everything but the more money he sent the more I owed, and I was in no business owing Bruce Wayne more than I currently did. Every week I told him just that, I told him I was getting by and I didn't need any of his money, before mailing them back and every week I would get sent more and more money.

None of this however even came close to my number one issue as of right now my eating was completely out of my own control.

I tried to ration I tried to save so shopping trips would last more than a day but every day I tried and every day I failed.

I would bring home a few days worth of groceries (For me), and it would be gone within the hour much to my discomfort.

I didn't understand why recently it had gotten so bad, I'd always had slight self control issues around food but lately common sense stood no chance and even the presence of people couldn't deter myself from binge eating everything in sight.

It was almost as if the second food touched my lip's control was gone and within minutes I would wake up uncomfortably full with everything I had just bought gone and devoured.

I couldn't eat at restaurants or at anyone else's houses, because I didn't trust myself at all, and if I started I wouldn't be able to stop.

That wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the fact that only having one massive meal each day, only to possibly throw up everything I had eaten wasn't enough to sustain my body.

Having such a fast metabolism meant that once food was in me it was broken down and burned for energy fast, meaning that I was supposed to space out meal times, well that wasn't an option since I couldn't save any food for later if I tried.

I was losing weight, nearly anything that I had gained while staying at the hall of justice was gone plus some, and it had its consequences.

I was tired all the time, and my top speed had slowed down considerably, not to mention my reaction time in training and on missions.

I couldn't think straight and had a constant headache almost all the time, leaving me dizzy, and sometimes light headed.

I could tell that the rest of the team knew something was up but other than Clark no one had seemed to be bothered by it, at least not in front of me, which reassured me that it wasn't really that bad.

My eating patterns continued and the longer it continued the more I binged, sometimes barely making it through the day without doing it twice if I was really active.

The urge was stronger and un tamable, I found myself often enough just staring at the Hall of Justice's kitchen fighting myself tooth and nail to leave the food alone, and since Clark walked in on me the urge only grew stronger.

I don't know how to stop, if I did I would but I couldn't and everything was so out of my control that the more I tried the harder it became.

The only thing giving me any ounce of control at this point was keeping it a secret from the team, dealing with this mess myself gave me little peace of mind but I was a ticking time bomb and I was ready to blow.

The past 2 and a half months played out through my mind as I tried anything and everything in my power to keep the utter hollow hunger at bay.

I had already binged today, but had gone overboard and ended up throwing up almost everything I had eaten, leaving me aching for more as I walked through the dark city street's on a Tuesday night.

My eyes kept wandering the pizza places, hot dog stands, bakery's any place selling mouth watering food grabbed my attention causing me to check and double check my pocket's for any scrap of change I could have lying around but I knew the answer to be the same as the last 10 times I had checked.

Totally empty, not a cent around and so I sadly pulled away from the source or what my life seemingly revolved around at this point and kept on walking.

I reminded myself again and again that I was in complete control, and that the supposed eating disorder Bruce and Diana so long ago accused me of having wasn't at all my issue, but as the urge to binge increased my will to believe these lies faltered.

I continued down a few more streets before the smell of fresh bread hit me and the deli just feet away from me came into view as a family could be seen laughing and enjoying the most delicious sandwiches I had ever seen from inside.

My mouth watered and my stomach growled loudly as my feet slowed to a halt just outside the small deli, wishing praying that I had simply missed a crisp 20 dollar bill in my pocket, while checking once again.

Selfishly I wished that I had taken Bruce's rather large sum of money I had received in the mail this morning, but crushed that feeling since It wasn't my money to spend.

I sighed as I debated just entering for the sake of it, but decided against it as I slowly made myself continue on walking back towards my warehouse.

The world sure is lucky the Flash was a good guy, because an evil man with this kind of speed wouldn't have to worry about money and food, they could just steal everything and no one would notice.

I halted as the thought crossed my mind.

No one would notice..

I came to a sudden stop feeling my heart race at the thought.

I shouldn't even think about stealing but as my mind lingered on the deli my body turned back around automatically.

I can't just steal, but if I eventually paid them back, I reasoned.

I looked back at the deli only across the street and grabbed at my hair unsure of why this was so hard.

I am a superhero, superheroes don't steal, I couldn't even believe I was considering it.

But on the other hand a superhero couldn't be the best superhero he could be on an empty stomach and surely those extra calories would go towards saving someone's life at some point down the road.

I stood there at a loss for what to do.

Surely I had helped at least someone in that deli, and this was sort of like pay back, only it felt wrong.

My stomach growled loudly showing it's side of the argument, and I looked around nervously.

The street lights were dim in this area, not that anyone would see me swoop in for a fraction of a second if I used super speed, which was the obvious choice.

I felt my body preparing for my still undecided plan of action, as I stared at all of the food in the deli just waiting for me.

I shouldn't, but I could and I was really going to pay them back eventually, I told myself as the noble part of me faded from mind.

I took a final breath and looked around before making the decision to do something out of pure desperation.

The atmosphere around me slowed to almost a halt as I made my way down the street and into the deli, watching as the family finished up their meal, and the owner smiled down at them good naturally.

I snuck behind him and pulled open the hot deli display where dozens of finished sandwiches laying perfectly placed, and I grabbed a bag as I shoved as many as I could into it.

I then grabbed fresh loaves of bread yet to be cut, and several cookies displayed near the back before exiting the deli and running several streets downtown, slowing down before anyone could realise what had happened.

I found myself standing in an abandoned alleyway and as the scent of what I was carrying hit me the frenzy began.

I grabbed the cookies and bread in my hands, shoving them into my mouth barely giving myself time to chew each bite before another was added.

I felt my body relax into routine at this point and I fell down on my knees as I let my body automatically eat what I had in front of me, spilling sauce and toppings all over myself in the process.

The taste barely registered as bite after bite slid down my throat, and my body shook with exhilaration and excitement.

I felt content as the last bite left my hand and filled my stomach, seemingly forgetting why I had debated doing this earlier.

All contentment however was gone as I came to realise what I had just done.

I moaned as my stomach overfilled and in pain finally registered and I sat back against a tall building trying my hardest to keep it all down.

Then the guilt came crashing down in waves, and I had finally realised that I had just committed a crime in order to obtain less than 10 minutes of happiness, and for what.

Now that the ache for more food and the contentment that came with it was gone, what just happened seemed pointless and made me feel disgusting.

I had just stolen from an independent deli, that was probably wondering what the hell just happened much like myself.

How could I let myself do this, it's one thing to buy the food, it's another to steal the food to fill the itch to binge.

I felt my body tremble as tears ran down my cheeks and a wave of nausea passed through me causing my latest meal to pass through my mouth once again as I vomited what remains of the deepest shame I had ever felt in my life.

Why was I like this, why couldn't I control myself, what was wrong with me.

I couldn't take this any more, If I was committing crimes to feed this obsession I had with food, than I was not just okay like I pretended to be, I was the opposite I was a fucking mess.

My breathing hitched as I sobbed in an abandoned alleyway a pool of vomit right next to me, and an empty bag reminding me of my crimes at my feet.

I was such a fucking mess, and I needed help….

Help is soon to come, but that's not going to be easy either, since these sorts of thing's take a long time to fully heal from and are never really truly gone. I just wanted to thank everyone for the review's and hope to see more soon!