The story of Merlyn Jojo Jenkins is a strange one.
Merlyn was born into an average, typical nuclear family in a nondescript American city, sometime in 1968.
As a child, he'd gotten his start doing commercials in his home town, until one day a big-time Hollywood producer showed up, offering him the lead role on the next popular tv sitcom, "That Darn Kid".
It seemed like he was destined for a life of greatness and fame, but it was not as peaches and cream as he'd believed.
The show was canceled in 1978, as the lead was getting older, and he'd said the one word that no one had ever spoken on studio-audience television until recently.
And that word, was "f*".
In the early 90's, when Merlyn was 25, he attempted a comeback by trying to become a part of the VeggieTales cast, but star Bob the Tomato ended up telling him that he was "not fit" for the cast at all.
In Merlyn's eyes he thought they were calling him fat. Humiliated, he left the studio with delusions of vengeance and come-uppance against the cast, and yet, after almost 20 years, this is yet to occur.
Nowadays, ever since the show got canned, he lives in Hollywood and works as a film director under the alias of M.J. Jenkins.
Guarded by his enormous, muscular, Slavic-accented cucumber bodyguard, he will keep his embarrassing name and revenge plot as hidden as possible, and as long as possible...
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"AAAGH!" Merlyn exclaimed, turning off the remote to his small TV. "I hate those stupid "tell-all" stories on E! News."
(*balalaika instrumental plays*)
Suddenly, Ivan showed up, breaking through the EXACT same spot on the wall he'd broken into earlier.
"Well," Merlyn said, in a relatively sarcastic tone. "Bra-vo there, Nudnik. You kill those kids yet?"
"N-no...meester Jen-keenz." Ivan replied. "But Ivan VILL keel zem, eventually..."
Ivan fell to the ground, knocked out.
"Huh." Merlyn replied. "Guess you shouldn't send a Russki to do an American job. I'll "keel" em' myself."