Notes:

Warning: PTSD and suicidal trigger contents in this chapter.

Chapter Text

September and October were probably the best months of the year in Ayham. The air was warm with late summer breezes and temporarily lost its unbearable humidity for a short period of time before a cold, wet winter crept in. The lines of quaking aspens on Kings Row slowly changed their color from lush green to a mixture of marigold and red-orange. Flocks of birds flew across the sky southward in a hurry but the people slowed down and took more time to take in all the changes of the season. Everyone seemed to forget the poor condition of the city for a moment.

Marco's Deli was a hot spot for the working class in Eastwick Alley. It was a true hidden gem that mostly got overlooked by people from other neighborhoods. It was not the cleanest place and Ms. Alessia Marco, the 80 something-year-old matriarch of the family, loved to spend her days either screaming at her son and daughter-in-law for not being smart or fast enough, or cursing at customers for occupied the seats too long. However, the best and also dirt cheap chicken parmesan sandwiches and meatball sliders in the whole East side of the city came from this deli. Kye and Ruby used to come here every afternoon after school. They either used the little changes they had to buy one sandwich to share or just hung out, watched, and giggled at people come and go.

Ms. Marco, as grumpy as she was, never yelled at them for doing their teenage shenanigans in her deli. She was never really friendly to them either. She constantly commented on how thin and sickly they looked, even when they were nothing different from other kids in the neighborhood, and fixated on feeding them with whatever they had at the deli. Mr. Marco, her son, said they reminded his mom of her two daughters, who both died of tuberculosis around the same age as Kye and Ruby's. Some day when they were so busy that for sure there should be no leftovers, the Marcos even set aside some food for them. They stopped accepting payments from Kye and Ruby after a while so it was fair to say they partially raised the girls during this time.

Ruby walked down the street slowly with her hands in her jeans' pockets. She got a black military styled button-front jacket with a black top, dark-colored jeans, and her old black boots on. Her nose tip and cheeks turned red with the cold air. It was a beautiful but unseasonably cold day despite the sun being out.

The street was almost empty and covered in dry leaves. The view had been unchanged since Ruby was 19. She hadn't been back here very often and when she was, she preferred not a lot of people knew about it. She only visited home once since she joined the Resistance. Ruby felt guilty but she knew it was all for her family's good. They should not get involved in whatever she was doing, and if she could, she would do anything to keep it that way, but life always messed her plans up.

Ruby stood by the entrance of Marco's Deli but hid in a corner so people inside couldn't see her through the storefront window. She checked her watch again. It was still 5 more minutes until their agreed meetup time. She needed to ask Kye something that she knew was almost impossible and might destroy the girl's life if it didn't go as planned. She just had no other choice.

***
Ruby first met Gadreel on her mission to deliver some materials from the Leader Board to their people working inside the Council. He was a tall, quiet guy, with ash brown hair, dark hazel eyes, and a permanent facial expression of someone who had problems with the whole world. After some time together, Ruby found out the guy was actually a man-child that had a pretty naive and optimistic view about everything. However, something just seemed off about him that she couldn't quite figure out at first.

It started with something small like his lack of knowledge about things everyone his age should know, movies, music, slang, etc. Pop culture stuffs. Then Ruby found out he was pretty much clueless about everything else that was normal and not combat-related. He also didn't have a lot of friends and only talked to people when necessary. No one seemed to know much about his background or family, where he came from, when he joined the Resistance, or even what his last name was. It was as if he had fallen out of the sky.

The thing that topped it all was he could spend a whole day sitting in some corner, still as a statue, not eating, drinking, or reacting when Ruby called him. He barely even breathed. It looked like he was in a trance, then like someone flipped a switch, he was back being goofy again. The first one or two times she could chuck it up to him being a weirdo because everyone she had met in the organization so far seemed to have some quirks, and that was ok, but she witnessed Gadreel's weird behavior more and more often and it freaked her out quite a bit. One afternoon, she couldn't hold her curiosity and concern off any longer and decided to follow him.

Their camp was right on the edge of an old reservation that was miles and miles of pine forests, desert shrubs, and red rock trails that spread in all directions. It contained a complex system of caves, natural streams, high peaks, and low hills. Ruby had followed Gadreel for half an hour before catching a glimpse of two people ahead, one man and one woman. She had seen them around camp but never talked to them before. Ruby quickly threw herself in one of the bushes nearby and crouched down. It was usually not easy to sneak up on Gadreel but the guy seemed to be lost in his thoughts at the moment.

"Hello, brother." The woman said.
She was in her late 40s, with blond hair, icy blue eyes on a stern face, and a serious manner, but other than that, there was nothing unusual about her. Ruby had never heard of any sisters or family members Gadreel might have around the camp. It was still early in their relationship but she thought after 5 months, he could've mentioned something that important.
"Hello, sister." Gadreel greeted her with his normal level voice.
"Brother, I called you here today to talk to you about your...girlfriend." It took the woman a moment to find the word. "I don't think it's a good idea to stay close to her."
"What makes you say so, sister?" Gadreel frowned at what she said.
"I've watched her behaviors. The girl is reckless. She might be a threat to all of us."
"She is not reckless, Naomi, I promise you that and I'm here to make sure she won't do anything to endanger herself or any of us."
"Gadreel, It's not that I don't trust you. The situation we are in right now is difficult. We are stuck in the middle. We can't go back and the Resistance only let us stay because we are useful to them. Only the leaders here know who we are, the people are not ready and might never be ready for the truth. If we get exposed, it won't be only us, but our families and loved ones will also be in danger." She pleaded with her eyes.
"I know, sister," Gadreel sighed, "but I trust Ruby with my life. She saved me more times than I could count and there's nothing in this world can make me change my mind about her. I just need a little more time for her to be ready before I tell her the truth."
"What if her reaction is not like how you've anticipated and she exposes you? What then?"
"She won't do it. As I said, I trust her and we're gonna prove it to you, sister."

Gadreel came closer to Naomi's face and towered over her with his height. He looked intimidating but the earnestness in his voice showed he just tried to convince the woman instead of threatening her.

"I do hope she's worth your trust, Gadreel. We left everything behind but there's more on the line now than ever. We have people that we care about and they need our protection. I was chosen to look out for all of us and that's what I'm gonna do, from now until the end. I just need you to be careful."
"I am careful, Naomi. Ruby is a good person and I feel for her the same way you feel for Frank. I just hope that you can accept her."
He talked to her with such certainty and vulnerability that made the woman sigh. She put her hand on the nape of his neck and their foreheads touched. They both closed their eyes for a long moment before she let go of him.
"Very well, brother. We will talk soon."

She backed up with her eyes fixed on Gadreel, her face went back to a blank expression and with a rustle, she disappeared with the man she came with. Gadreel rooted there with his head lowered and his back toward Ruby so she couldn't see his face. The whole conversation just happened seemed to be only a trick of her mind.

Holy shit.

Ruby dropped on the ground and covered her mouth in shock. There were not a lot of things in the world that could shock her like that anymore. Her mind was empty. She knew Gadreel was different, but an angel? Goddamn, she must've been blind all these past months, or maybe she always knew the truth but just refused to admit it.

Throughout her life, Ruby had witnessed the pain and deaths of so many people she held dear, her parents, friends, and teammates. There was so much suffering and the world that they used to know had been completely destroyed, all because of the angels. She didn't know what to think or feel at this moment. Why would the leaders want to invite these monsters into their camps and let them live among humans, having relationships and families? Did they all lose their minds and forget about what the angels could do? She knew they desperately needed the intel and powers that the angels brought but didn't they know it was a Pandora box? Once they let the angels integrate with humans, God knows what could happen? Ruby just felt sick to the stomach with shock, anger, and confusion. All of the energy seemed to be drained out of her body.

Then she also committed the same crime as all of those naive, ignorant people. She had shared her life with an angel and slowly given him her heart in the past 5 months. It didn't matter if Gadreel told her or not, she should've known better. She had seen the signs. Ruby was too smart to live in denial and hope for a happy ending.

The thought of their relationship should repulse her more but all she felt was heartbreak. It was as if someone just punched her in the gut and Ruby didn't know if she should laugh or cry at the cruel joke fate once again threw in her face. Gadreel had been the only good thing in the world that happened to her recently. He always said Ruby saved his life more than he could count but to her, it was the other way around.

She was young, hot-headed, and eager to prove herself to the organization that on her second mission, she disregarded the whole training protocol and got her team of 10 people, except herself, all killed while they tried to exit the location. That incident haunted and changed her forever.

On the outside, she was still the same, a competent soldier and prized student of Bobby Singer, but inside, hiding under her daily sarcasm and flirtations to any guys or girls she came across, she was just waiting for her time to come. Every night she drowned herself in a cocktail of sleeping pills and heavy alcohols, hoping to get a few hours of sleep, but the nightmares kept coming back, each one worse than the last. She lost count of how many times she woke up in the middle of the night soaked with sweat and her head was filled with the sound of screamings and the images of broken limbs and burnt-out bodies; how many times she just wanted to give up and either drive off a cliff or blow her brain out.

She didn't want to be alone with those nightmares and suicidal thoughts in her head so she often spent the nights in random people's beds. Most of the time she had no idea how she ended up there or what the name of the person she woke up next to was. She always made sure to be the first one running in the rain of bullets and burning buildings. She begged to be in any mission, 24/7 on the road, didn't matter how mundane or insane it was that at some point, her mentor had to put his foot down and announced that, unless he said otherwise, anyone who wanted to give Ruby information or invite her on upcoming missions, that person would have to deal with him, in fear she would crash and burn. It was inevitable with the state she was in. Ruby was nearly put on indefinite suspension. To-hell-with-it attitude was the only thing that kept her going during this time because why not? She didn't deserve to live anyway. Why was she still alive when the other good men and women, who were much better soldiers with years of experience, who could've contributed greatly to the cause, who had families and friends missing them every day, had to die because of her stupidity?

All of that self-hatred and self-destruction slowly killed Ruby from inside out until the day she met Gadreel. He was everything the word "angel" was intended to be. He was kind, caring, and protective of her. He had been there holding her back on the brink of life and death so many times and he kept reassuring her that it didn't matter what she believed, she deserved to live too and her life was valuable, not only to herself but to him and everyone who cared about her and loved her. He needed her to wake up every day and continued the fight. He said if she tried to hurt herself, he would not forgive her and would not come to see her in the afterlife, no matter how much she begged and he knew she would beg. Ruby used to laugh at that dramatic and stupid threat from Gadreel but it all seemed to make sense at the moment.

The sound of footsteps crunching on dry twigs and gravels made her jumped. She dried the tears in a hurry before turning back to see Gadreel standing right behind her with his hands in the jacket's pockets.

"You've been following me," he said in his usual deadpan voice.

Ruby was not sure if it was a question or not. It didn't matter anyway. She stood up and glared at him, but the anger inside of her was gone and all that got left was a mixture of unpleasant emotions. She suddenly felt so tired and just dropped her eyes to the ground. She wanted to walk away but before she could take a step, Gadreel was right in front of her.

"Don't bother to hide your angel shit anymore, I see," Ruby smirked but her eyes were reddened and they started to swell up again.
"Please, don't do this, Ruby. Let me explain."
Gadreel grabbed her arm with a crushing force that made Ruby winced. He startled at her reaction and dropped it immediately.
"I'm sorry, but please, listen to me, I never want to hide anything from you. I just want a little more time to make sure you can handle the truth before telling you."
"Oh, please, you don't think I can handle the truth? How fragile do you think I am? Or you're so lack of trust in me that you think I'm gonna rat you out the minute I know it? Well, fuck you, Gadreel!"

Ruby walked away so fast that she tripped and twisted her ankle. The loud pop was deafening on the silent hill. Gadreel zapped in front of her again and dropped down to her level. He lifted her foot the same way someone handled a piece of china.

"Do not touch me!"

Ruby saw stars when she tried to yank her leg away from Gadreel's hands. He didn't yield to her this time and came so close to her face that her skin got goosebumps with his slow breathing.

"Stop hurting yourself. We can talk after I fix this."

His voice was calm and low and he started to hover his hand above her ankle. The hand glowed up and Ruby felt a warm sensation before it turned burning hot for a minute then cooled down. The pain was completely gone after that. She moved her ankle from side to side slowly to see if it was back to normal before looking up at Gadreel's face again. His hazel-green eyes had been locking on her and she could see many unsure emotions in them.

"Yes, I am an angel. I had guarded Heaven and fought alongside my siblings for millennia. Responsibilities to Heaven always came first. I never questioned or disobeyed orders, not even once, but when I came down to Earth, everything just seemed new and different. Humans were so lively, full of emotions, and free. I always wondered what it felt to be like them, but the war had started and we were ordered to destroy all of the Earthly sins. It soon became endless, one battle after another. A lot of my siblings died but they kept sending more down. And for what? Nobody had heard anything from our Father in a long time so nobody could confirm if it was actually His will for us to carry out Judgement Day or not. We were never meant to claim Earth. I was tired but I didn't know what else to do. One day, a brother of mine just ripped out his grace. It was like an explosion of power. He just said enough was enough and we could make our own decisions. It was an enlightenment. It felt like a message or a sign from our Father showing that no matter how far away or how absent he seemed, he was still there with us, cared about us, and would guide us to find the way. After that, there were waves of angels leaving, giving up on grace, turning mortal. The garrison leaders were furious but they couldn't stop it. Once we saw freedom, we wanted it. Heaven had lost its way, but before I could make a decision for myself, my garrison was decimated after one battle. I was among a few that barely survived. My sister Naomi, the one you just saw me talking to, found me and brought me here. She had worked out a deal with the Resistance to harbor the angels who left the ranks. As long as we proved our loyalty and contributed to the organization, we could stay and had a life in the Resistance's camps among humans. My sister knew me since I was barely a hatchling, fresh out from the mold. She raised me and trained me. She was one of the first angels who left a while back after meeting her now-husband Frank. I've never thought I would have a connection with someone the way some of my brothers and sisters had until I met you. I saw something in you that was so familiar and it called for me. I knew you needed someone just as much as I did, Ruby."

Gadreel stopped and gazed into her eyes. Suddenly, everything came back so vividly in Ruby's mind. It was a cloudy August day, she just received a phone call from her handler, telling her that after she delivered the materials to the last person, who was a senior officer working in the Logistic Agency, she should wait and come back with a team that was nearby. Ruby knew it was just another way for Bobby to keep an eye on her and force her to open up. He said being alone is not good for anybody, especially while going through something like she was at the time. She didn't really see a difference nor she got any choice, so after finishing her task, she waited for the team in her hotel room. They showed up around 12:30 p.m., three men and one woman, each one carried a duffle bag of different sizes. They all looked tired but didn't seem to be in bad mood.

"Man, what a night. Why can't we have successful nights like that all the time?"
One guy with copper-colored hair and mustache dropped down to the couch and put his feet on the coffee table before jumping up again and approached Ruby.
"Forgive me, I'm Frank Jr. What's your name?"
"Ruby." She took his hand with a trademark charming smile.
"This is Paul, Annie, and Gadreel."

They all raised their hands as a way to say hello when the guy pointed to them, except the last one. He just sat there by the desk, staring at her with all his might.

Weirdo.

Ruby lifted her eyebrows but didn't make any comments. The guy never avoided her eyes this whole time and his intense gaze made someone as brazen as Ruby feel awkward in her own skin.

"Ok...," Frank Jr. must've detected the uncomfortable atmosphere in the room. He picked up his duffle bag again and turned to the other people behind him. "You guys ready? You're ready, Ruby?" He turned back to asked her then clapped his hands together. "Ok, let's get the hell out of here."

The other three walked out of the room with no complaints. Ruby just rolled her eyes, then picked up her bag and followed them.

Frank Jr. talked to her the whole way down to the parking garage under the hotel. Ruby answered whatever questions he asked but she was not very engaged in the conversation. All she was thinking about was a shower and her bed. Occasionally, she diverted her eyes to the tall guy walking on the left of them all. Their eyes met a few times and this time, no matter what, Ruby didn't want to lose him in the staring contest.

It was a weird drive back to the camp. They were all jammed packed in a small van with Ruby was sandwiched in between the tall guy and the girl, Annie. Frank Jr. was in the front with Paul. The two guys talked, laughed at their inside jokes, and changed radio channels every 5 minutes. It could easily drive anyone insane but the people in the back with Ruby didn't seem to mind. The guy, Gadreel, after Ruby told him not to stare at her as if his life depended on it or she would gouge his eyes out, just lowered his head and stayed quiet. The girl, Annie, fell asleep as soon as they got in the van. Her head bobbed back and forth so violently with the movements of the vehicle that at some point, Ruby had to push her back to lean fully on the headrest, in fear the girl might accidentally break her neck.
Ruby had never talked to any of these people before. The camp that she stayed in was huge with a capacity of 2000 people at all times and every so often, people moved around and switched camps so there was no way she could get to know everyone. She also was not interested. Her life was not in a good place to make new friends at the moment.

The warmth emitted from Gadreel and his slow, steady breathing made her highly aware of his presence. Even through layers of clothes, she could feel his solid muscles and it made her instinctively sigh. Get a hold of yourself, Ruby. You're just tired out of your mind, but it was not the tired reaction and she knew it. When she secretly checked out of the corner of her eye, Gadreel was also looking down to where their arms touched with an unclear expression on his face.

Ruby was the last one getting out of the van when they reached the camp. After everyone said goodbye, she turned away to walk back to her cabin before feeling someone was walking behind her. She was so ready to throw a punch in the face of whoever that was before the person cleared his throat.

"You dropped this."

It was Gadreel with a ridiculously innocent look on his face that she couldn't even give him any bad attitude. The situation was so cliche that Ruby wanted to cringe and roll her eyes hard. On his hand was a keyring with all of the keys to her vehicle, cabin, and lockers, but the most important object was a piece of metal with Ruby and Kye's names hand-carved on it. It was her 15th birthday gift from Kye that no matter what happened and how much time had passed, she never wanted to part way with. It reminded her of home. She had forgotten to zip up the bag's outer compartment where she usually kept it because her mind was all over the place.

"Thanks."

She grumbled and walked away without looking at the guy. She took a few steps before stopping in her track and sighed frustratingly. She knew he was still standing there staring at her and it was nagging at the back of her mind. She didn't know why she felt anxious. It was not her first rodeo. Ruby was pretty sure it was just another bad decision, but before she could stop and think about it, the question just popped out

"Hey, big guy, what are you doing this evening?"

***
Bobby looked up at Ruby. She was one of the few he was most proud of. Intuition, stealth, speed,... the girl got it all, but the best thing was her background history. She had a bad enough grudge with the angels that made her devoted to the cause.

Ruby was 8 years old when her town got burned to the ground during the War. She and her mom were one of a few survivors and they were on the road for a good one and a half years before a team of angels found them and smote the mom. The angels had a smite-on-sight policy around this time to weed out as many humans as they could.

The image of fire and smoke came out of her mom's eye sockets and mouth stayed fresh in Ruby's mind until these days. She could still hear the scream and smell the burnt flesh when she closed her eyes sometimes. The angels would've killed her too if one of them didn't suggest they should let her go. A quick death was mercy compared to a long winter on the road with no food and shelters. Until these days, Ruby was grateful for that angel's cruelty. Because of that, she was left alive and was able to crawl her way to Ayham, where Kye's mom saw her and took her in.

It had been a great disappointment to Bobby that the Resistance agreed to some damn deal with the rogue angels because they needed these "special soldiers". The organization seemed to slowly lose its way since some of the young and soft joined the Leader Board. He listened to their plan on "a peaceful future" when humans and angels could live alongside each other in harmony and he was just baffled.

Bobby was old school, he didn't want equal rights with the angels, he wanted them to get the hell off Earth and back to their Heaven. It was one species too crowded as it is. He never believed there were angels with goodwill, all of them sky creatures wanted was domination and destruction to who they deemed inferior. Now even his favorite student wanted to beg for his help to save one of those that she was trained to kill, what had this world become?

To Bobby, Ruby was not only his trainee, she was a daughter he never had and someone he could refer to take over his position in near future. He was not very old but he was also not in his 20s anymore. His body was ridden with old wounds and arthritis, on top of a bad drinking habit that had destroyed his liver. His two adoptive sons were also excellent soldiers but they were too attached and dependent on each other and sometimes their hot heads could make decisions that truly bewildered everyone. He had hoped Ruby could take interest and eventually marry one of them. Sam was a good choice since he was much calmer than his brother. They could complement each other's personalities and make a perfect team, but the two never moved past friendly state. Ruby was a wild girl so the brothers didn't take her seriously. At the end of the day, seeing the distraught state she was in, Bobby blamed this mess on the bad decision that the Leader Board had made to let angels mingle with humans, but what can he do? It was too late then.

Ruby leaned on Bobby's desk, her head dropped and she tried her best not to shed a tear. Her mentor hated when she showed weakness.
"So you tell me there was no way to send people in to get them out?" Her shaking voice did a bad job at hiding what she really felt.
"Ruby," Bobby sighed. "You know how deranged Luc was. He could easily tell how valuable that team was to us and put up a fight that we don't need right now. Luc's attention was bad. We can't let anyone, especially Luc, know about the Resistance harboring angels. We don't know what he's gonna do. It would hurt our organization badly."
"I don't give a damn about all that, Bobby!" Ruby lifted her head so fast she almost got a neck strain and her eyes were bloodshot. "Luc would've known that already by now. They were our people and they were not safe there. God knows what he's gonna do to them? You know that and you want to leave them there to die?"
"Listen to me, girl! Don't talk to me in that tone. I want to get them out just as much as you do but you'd better calm down! I will find a way but if you skip camp and drive to your death, trying to rescue that boy, I would kill you myself first!" Bobby grabbed both of her arms and gave her a good shake.

Luc, Lucas, or Luke, no one knew exactly what his name was, indeed was a deranged person. He was one of the Resistance's early sponsors. When Bobby and the other founders met the guy, Luc was in his early 30s, filthy rich and super charming but also shady as hell. They always felt he had an ulterior motive when he seemed overenthusiastic about sticking it up to the angels. He did give a good speech about human rights and how their freedom shouldn't be suppressed just because some assholes from Heaven said so, and if the angels wanted war, they would bring the war to their doorstep. They should make the angels realize how bad their decision of coming down to Earth was. Then after 5 years of being with the organization, one day he just said he lost interest in the movement, then up and disappeared the next day, no one knew where he went. It was as if their revolutionary movement was just a game or a project to him, didn't matter the time, effort, and a sizable chunk of his wealth had been put into it.

3 years after Luc left the organization, one day they heard the news he was back in business again as a neutral party and would deal with any interested sides. Talk about integrity or lack thereof. He had carved out a large territory for himself on the Southside of the city within the time he was off the radar. There had been some brutal murders of angels in that area that caught all of the Council's attention. Heavy supervision was put in but the rumor was the killings were actually sanctioned by Luc himself because there was nothing that happened in that area without his knowledge. Somehow the guy just covered his ass very well that the Council couldn't find any connections between him and the murders. He was nearly untouchable and up until these days, he was still alive and thrived in his little kingdom.

Two weeks ago, the Resistance sent a team to make a trade for some supplies and weapons in that area. After they concluded the deal, the team suddenly went off track and all signals were lost for 3 days before the Leader Board received a video call from Alastair. The guy was snide as usual saying he got the team and found "something is interesting about some of them." The leaders didn't even know what Alastair was doing in Luc's territory but it seemed irrelevant at that point.

The team they sent in consisted of six members, three were angels. Since Luc's territory was supposed to be a dangerous area, the organization sent in more angels than usual in combination with experienced soldiers. Gadreel was one of them. Alastair said he was not interested in keeping the team forever, but to get them back the Resistance needed to get him something.

"It was locked at all times in the archangel's vault and I know you guys must've asked, why can't we get it ourselves? Yes, we can but it would be a huge hassle. Why would you do something yourself when you can get someone else to do it for you?" Alastair grinned and tapped his temple. "Our faces were plastered on all of the warning posters and news so we can't move around freely in that side of the city without heavily prepared. We're in the middle of something right now, but don't even think of stabbing us in the back because we still have enough firepower to return the favor if you guys decide to try anything. At the end of the day, you must ask yourself, what are you gonna gain from it? So be smart. Talk soon!" Alastair hung up before they could really wrap their heads around what he said.

Ruby pressed herself against the door and her mind was running hundreds of miles per hour. After two weeks Gadreel hadn't come back, she was driven mad with worry. When Bobby left abruptly in the middle of their training session, she knew something was up. She followed him to the meeting room and waited for other handlers and directors to go in before sneaking closer to eavesdrop on the call inside. Even when she had no idea what the object Alastair wanted to get was, she knew exactly what to do and who could help her with that.