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Chapter Eight: An Equivalent Exchange
"You have to calm down." Atem reached over flicking Jounouchi on the nose. "Or, this isn't going to work."
"I'm not-" Jounouchi halted his protest as Atem raised a fine eyebrow at the obvious lie. "It's not as easy as you make it out to be, Sentinel Ishigami."
"Well," Atem drawled, shifting until he was sitting cross-legged across from Jounouchi. "How can I make it so?"
Jounouchi bit his lip at the inquiry, at a loss as to how to answer it. In truth, he didn't think Atem could find a more simple way to explain the process. It wasn't Atem's teaching methods - on the contrary, the Sentinel's knowledge was concise and helpful - but, Jounouchi couldn't shake the immense feeling of guilt that he felt towards Atem. The man was never meant to be a Sentinel. He was never meant to be the Alpha of Battle City. His original place was meant to be a beacon that guided and controlled spirits - to be the balance that the world needed. And yet-
"I stole it," Jounouchi confessed in a soft whisper that brought a frown to Atem's lips. "I - stole it."
"Stole it?" Atem emphasized with a furrowed brow. "What did you steal, Jounouchi?"
"Who you are - were supposed to be." Jounouchi lowered his gaze to his clasped eyes. "I'm not supposed to be the Connector. I don't know what happened or how it happened-"
"It's quite simple." Atem cut in with a sad smile that ripped Jounouchi's heart in half. "I was rejected."
Jounouchi swallowed at the word - it never bodes well in their world. "I don't understand. What do you mean you were rejected?"
"The Ishigami Family had been Connectors for generations - centuries - and I was indeed set to receive the blessing when I was a child but I grew ill when I was ten years old. I was at death's door when the spirits appeared before me, but I was not in my right mind to receive them as a proper Connector does and so the door to my soul was sealed shut as a consequence."
Jounouchi looked stricken, and yet, a tiny part of him was relieved that he was not the cause for stripping Atem of his heritage. That he was not at fault for throwing him off his destined path, but -
"You were rejected through no fault of your own and the Gods still punished you." Jounouchi swallowed, shaken, at the truth thrown at his feet. Could Gods be so cruel?
"It was no one's fault that I had fallen ill." Atem attempted to soothe. "It would have been worse if I had been accepted while I was ill. To accept the powers of a Connector one must be of clear mind and soul and I was wrought with fever - almost out of my mind with it. The spirits were right to close the door to my soul for if they hadn't then the doors to the worlds would have been open to assault or worse."
Jounouchi tilted his head in confusion at the last words. He was under the impression that the spirit world and its inhabitants were respected and revered and told Atem as much earning an amused huff.
"You have much to learn about that world." Atem reached out a hand for Jounouchi's and laced their fingers together. "Originally, our worlds were intertwined and it took little effort to move between our world and that of the spirits, but as time progressed, our bond-" Atem loosened his grip on Jounouchi's fingers until they were less tangled. "-lessened so to speak. It became more difficult to cross into the spiritual world and humans became more of a threat than a welcome until-" Atem pulled away with a morbid smile. "we were no longer welcomed at all."
"If that's the case then why the need for the Connectors?"
"A balance is required." Atem looked thoughtful drawing Jounouchi's curiosity and concern. "It is something that we learned the hard way, I'm afraid. Without spiritual balance, Sentinel and Guides were left adrift, useless in a world that stares at them as if they were abominations - in the beginning, of course. And without humans, spirits found themselves without proper vessels to visit the human world." Atem smiled at the thought. "A habit that is considered a source of amusement."
"So, we're useless without one another?"
"In lamens terms, yes, we quite useless without each other." a tight frown appeared on Atem's lips. "...Sentinel Motou is a prime example of why the bond between human and spirit must remain intact and in balance."
Jounouchi flinched at the reminder. He remembered how at peace Sentinel Motou looked as he faded away. He recalled the grief Yuugi experienced as he watched his Father faded into an existence where he could no longer reach and felt nothing but a rush of pity and relief for himself and his dear friend. As much as he admired Yuugi, never would he want to take on the burden of the Eyes of the Eagle. And yet, here he sat, ready to take on a worse burden as a Connector.
"I..." Jounouchi looked down at their hands, barely touching, and felt a morbid smile pull at his lips. "I wanted to thank you for helping me. I can't imagine how painful it is to watch the legacy you've prepared for your entire life get swept away by an event that was beyond your control."
"Ah." Atem looked conflicted for a single moment before a small sad pulled at his lips. "It's quite alright. I've gotten over it and I am pleased that someone with a good heart has taken my place. I can use what I've been taught and pass it along to you, Jounouchi." Atem lowered his gaze as his shoulders hunched in and Jounouchi was quite taken aback when he felt a rush of shame press against his mental shame. What could Atem possibly-
"I am ashamed of my actions when I first arrived." Atem rushed to explain. "I was angry that a Connector had appeared out of the blue and out of my family's bloodline. The shame that I carried since I was a child had become to the forefront of my attention and of those around me." Atem bowed his head, his bangs that were so shockingly similar to Yuugi's own. "I wanted to harm you and I cannot apologize deeply enough for my actions."
"You have all the right in the world to be angry and I accept your apology." Jounouchi swallowed hating that he was an Alpha Guide and politics dedicated his movements and thoughts but needs must and Seto would be disappointed if he didn't act accordingly. "However the actions - as premediated and unfilled as they were - cannot be forgiven. Once our training is concluded I ask that you remain out of our borders for four months and all business between our city and Battle City is to be conducted on a formal basis. I will seek the approval of Alpha Kaiba at a later date."
"I understand." Atem felt a numbness that he was all too familiar with but pressed it to the back of his mind. He knew that what he did could have severe repercussions and he did it nonetheless. If he succeeded and it went wrong...
Well, he didn't want to comprehend the punishment that would be in store for him and his people.
"Shall we continue?" Jounouchi urged holding out his hand, resisting the urge to flinch at the rush of emotions that pressed against his skin as Atem laced his fingers with his own. The regret and sadness and shame smothered his mind and he could swallow back his own regret for making Atem feel as he did. However, a man in Atem's position couldn't afford the rush of satisfaction that vengeance brought to his soul. He had thousands if not millions of people to look after in Battle City and he couldn't afford to place himself first and Jounouchi would see to it that the punishment would be swift and both parties involved could move on and their relationship could repair itself.
After all, Jounouchi had a sinking feeling that they would need one another in the end. He didn't know if it was his empathy or his powers as a Connector but Jounouchi's gut feelings were right - much to Seto's consternation.
"Jounouchi?" Atem urged patiently calling him back from his thoughts. "Shall we continue?"
"Ah." Jounouchi flushed and gripped Atem's hand unable to hide the flinch as Atem's pressed against his shields once more. "Of course. I'm sorry."
"If we were not related then it would have been a permanent ban." Seto folded his arms regarding his Guide with a thoughtful frown after Jounouchi finished explaining the situation. "Domino and Battle City's relationship is beneficial considering that Sentinel and Guides are pairing and mating within both our territories."
"And most of the families are considered high-standing." Yuugi regarded them both with a patient stare eyes flickering between his natural amythest and the amber of his standing. It was a testament to the control and the stress that he was under thanks to his ailing grandfather. Jounouchi sat next to his friend, placing a hand on top of Yuugi's smaller one. He leaned down, forcing their eyes to meet. "Grandfather Sugoroku?"
"His health is failing," Yuugi whispered not surprised at the sudden subject change. He had been watching Sugoroku and saw that his eyes and hearing were degrading indicating that his spiritual connection was thinning and in a manner of weeks it would be snapped and he would pass on, joining his parents in the afterlife. "He's resting now and I can't-I'm not ready to be Head of the Family. I would never imagine I would be doing this alone."
"You're not alone." Jounouchi countered firmly squeezing Yuugi's hand. "You will never be alone." Jounouchi opened his mouth when a burst of pain emerged from the back of his skull. He was out of the chair and on the floor in a second, heedless to the cries of his friend and Sentinel. Jesus, Atem had told him that it would hurt, but -
He didn't expect the images that flashed before his mind.
He didn't want to see Sugoroku's grave.
He didn't want to see Yuugi wailing in his grief, his eyes such a dark amber that they had turned black in his despair. Beside him, he could see a weakened black cat and knew it to be Yuugi's dying spirit animal, but what he wasn't expecting was the massive dragon hovering in the sky. Its wings black and massive and terrifying, but what frightened Jounouchi down to his bones was the one-eyed man mere feet away from his friend with a long knife in his gloved hand. He wanted to reach out, to help Yuugi, but these were nothing but images, right? He couldn't do anything. He opened his mouth anyway to warn Yuugi but nothing but a scream escaped his mouth pushing his mind back to the present and into Seto and Yuugi's arms, their eyes wide and dark from fear. Was he really that loud? Did he frighten them so much to cause them to look at him with such fear?
He wanted to open his mouth to reassure them but nothing escaped but a small croak before he slumped into their arms the edges of his vision darkening as he slumped into their arms, exhausted from the pain and frightened himself of the images and the helplessness he felt in his heart.
So much for reassurance.