Chapter 8: Chapter 8
How could I let this happen to her? She was so pale, and she looked so cold and lifeless. This is all my fault. I pressed my hand, palm up against the window to the room she was in. They were wiring her up like a freaking Christmas tree, connecting all these different beeping and flashing machines to her body. They ran around the room like chickens with their heads cut off, desperately trying to save her. Please, I begged her silently. Don't die. But it was so loud behind the glass. I couldn't reach her, and it was too loud. I knew from experience, loud in a hospital was bad. The monitors were blaring out of control and the doctors in their sickening familiar white coats were shouting commands to one another.
"Her BP is dropping! I need a defibrillator in here stat! Someone, page Dr. Kaige, tell him we need cardio in Trauma Room one, now!" I barely caught a glimpse of the stout black lady who seemed to be calling all the shots and I didn't understand a word she was saying. BP? That stands for blood pressure, right? What the hell is a defibrillator? And what's cardio? I should know this one. It was in the back of my mind, something I had learned in biology that one time at Anne's house, when we went to school. Cardio… Cardio… Sounds almost like car radio. But what did that have to do with anything? What does a car radio do? Car radios play music and if you crank it up loud enough you can actually feel the beat… beat… That's it! Cardio had something to do with the heart! Wait a minute what's wrong with Max's heart? I felt panicked and I almost shoved my way into the room as a doctor, I assumed had to be Dr. Kaige, opened the door, rolled up his sleeves, and dove into the confusion barking more orders and causing more of a commotion. I needed to see Max. I needed to know she would be ok. But they were shouting at each other and blocking the window as they rushed to do twenty different things at once. I could hardly keep up. Max! I wanted to shout to her, go to her, I just couldn't stand here and do nothing!
"Sir, I'm going to need you to come with me." I whipped around when a small female nurse tried to pull me away.
"What?" I quickly glanced back to the chaos still erupting in the room behind me. "No." I said firmly and turned back just in time to see her body lurch, her back arching off the table. Her head whipped back from the surge of electricity they jolted through her body. "No! Wait, don't do that!" I pounded my fist on the window. Why did I take her here? They don't know what they're doing! They'll kill her!
"Sir, please, your sister is going to be fine, we need to get your shoulder looked at." The little blonde nurse tried to persuade me.
"I'm fine." I insisted and went for the door. I had to get in there. These doctors only worked on humans, they had no idea how to help Max, they'd only end up making it worse. I knew I should have taken her to Dr. Martinez. How could I be such an idiot!? Just as I was about to burst in there and steal Max away from them, the nurse placed her hand on mine, stopping me from turning the doorknob. I snapped my harden gaze to her. I was startled when my eyes met her navy-blue ones, strong and determined. She held my hand firmly to keep me from opening the door. I froze. I hadn't expected her to be so bold, weren't nurses supposed to timid? Like they weren't sure what to do? Doctors called all the shots, nurses just cleaned up the mess afterwards. Right?
She narrowed her eyes and lowered her voice so only I could hear. "Listen kid, the doctors are going to do everything they can to save her. Why don't you just let them do their job, and I'll do mine."
"But Max is-" I tried to protest.
"What? You don't think we noticed you're all part bird?" she scoffed and pretended to be offended. When I clenched my jaw to squelch the terror I was experiencing around this whole situation, she continued. "You want to help your sister, I get that, but look around you." She didn't make any kind of gesture or movement to try to get me to look around, just held my eyes firmly with hers and kept her hand tightly around my own. She had a surprisingly strong grip for such a petite woman. I decided against ripping away from her, knowing full well that she could never match my strength. As much as I hated her for confronting me this way, she didn't deserve to be knocked flat on her ass for just trying to help. Reluctantly I took a moment to take in my surroundings instead.
Thinking back to when we first arrived, I remembered I hadn't known what to do or where to go. I remembered faintly my own experience with a hospital; I had been transported by an ambulance and then rushed in amongst a throng of chaos. Max and the others disappeared and were replaced by people I didn't know or trust, and I was treated, against my will, for the life-threatening injury Max's half-brother Ari had inflicted on me. I didn't have any control then, I hardly knew what was going on, and I didn't have a clue what to do now. Did I just walk in the front door with her bloody body in my arms, being followed by a band of wild-eyed bird kids? Did I try and ask for help outside the hospital? Call 911? What? What do I do?
Then I spotted an ambulance, lights flashing, alarm blaring, speeding into a parking lot hidden in the back. Of course! The emergency room! The emergency room had a front door and a desk and all; I could have gone through there. But Max needed help faster than that. And since there was already a horde of doctors running around to help whatever poor soul had arrived in that ambulance, there would be no faster way than to show up down there.
Without another thought I flew after the ambulance and followed it to the receiving doors. I landed clumsily beneath the overhang that the emergency vehicle had pulled into and listened to the flock, landing behind me.
"Please, somebody help us!" Nudge cried as we ran up to the scene. EMTs were pulling a bed from the back of the van and rushing to get the person on the bed inside, being followed by the first responding doctors. No one seemed to notice us at first until the short black doctor finally spotted us and ordered for more help.
"I need more hands down here! Where are those useless attendings? Do I have to do everything myself?" she called as another bed was wheeled out and they took Max right out of my arms. Esperanza was taken too and before I knew it everything was out of control. It all went so fast. I did my best to follow Max and keep track of the others at the same time but somewhere along the way more doctors showed up and herded them away. Where, I didn't know, but my Flock was strong, and smart, they could take care of themselves.
I found myself standing on the outside of the trauma room watching helplessly as they tried to save Max. The wound in my shoulder was bleeding still and I knew I had lost a lot of blood. But I hardly noticed it. Now, as I looked around, I realized, even though Max was being taken care of in there, the chaos out here still hadn't stopped. People in blue scrubs and white lab coats were running this way and that responding to yet another emergency that had come in while I was distracted. It was almost like it never ended, there was always something to do sooner or faster, somewhere to be two minutes ago, and always someone else to save. The Flock was nowhere to be seen and the emergency room was manic. I was in the way.
"I'm not going to dance around your feeling here, kid, you're in the way." The nurse repeated my thoughts bluntly and I refocused on her again. "Standing out here bleeding out through your shoulder or going in there and causing trouble isn't going to help anyone. Now, I can't make you come with me, but if you really want to help you better think hard about how it is you're going about it." She hissed, speaking faster and more aggressively as she went along. But at the same time there seemed to be an underlying kindness in her voice.
I looked back through the skinny window in the wooden door at all the commotion going on inside Max's room. They had her stabilized and were going through all the routine procedures to make sure she stayed that way. I stared at Max's face and could hardly recognize her. Since when had she gotten so small?
Finally, I let my hand relax off the handle of the door and let it go. I closed my eyes, forcing myself to turn away from Max. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do up to this point in my life. I opened my eyes and made sure all of the pain and desperation was out of them before I let the nurse lead me away. I didn't look back; for fear that if I did, I wouldn't be able to tear myself away after all. The nurse led me to one of the few beds they had readily available, right there in the emergency room and pulled the curtain shut, closing me off from the rest of the hospital.
She got really close and pushed my long dark bangs back, shining a penlight in my eyes. Startled I tried to jump back but she had a mean grip on my head, and she wouldn't let me up. She shined the light in both my eyes while I struggled to keep my cool. "Can you tell me your name?" she asked watching my eyes closely. You know how you get when someone invades your personal space? Well, when you're a mutant freak who's seen more than his share of hard times, those feelings tend to intensify a hundred-fold. I bit the inside of my cheek, making it bleed, to keep from punching this chick in the face just to get her off of me. Suddenly, I wondered if this was something like what Max felt, the first couple of times I kissed her. I completely understand why she kept running away now.
"Nick." I told her. She took a step back and looked at me skeptically, then looked at her clip board.
"Hmmm…" She mumbled. Guess she didn't believe me. But she brushed it off quickly and went back to looking me over.
"Where is the rest of my fl- family?" I asked coolly, shying away from her as she tried to examine my wound. She looked at me sternly and took hold of my arm to keep me from moving as she started to peel away the pink (red now) cloth from my shoulder.
"Your brothers and sisters are being taken care of; you'll join them after we're done here. Hold still please." She said a little softer when I flinched at her touch. Suddenly I remembered how much being shot three times in the shoulder hurt and the loss of blood seemed to catch up to me. I felt a little hazy and overwhelmed, but I didn't let on about it any more than I had to. I struggled to string together my thoughts and tried to come up with something to say to get my mind off the pain, and off of Max.
"Aren't you a nurse?" I asked dumbly, not really thinking, or caring, about what I said. "Shouldn't a doctor be doing this?" She looked at me then with a frown. Had I said something wrong?
"My name is Dr. Monroe. I'm an intern, not a nurse." She corrected me. Oh ok, an intern, it all makes sense now…. What the hell is an intern? I thought. It couldn't be too important, she said she was a doctor, so what was the difference if she was an intern? Then I realized I must have offended her. Well, she can just get over it.
"Damn it." I heard her curse under her breath. She had taken off all of the cloth that was wrapped around my shoulder. My clothes and skin were soaked with dark scarlet blood. "I can't tell where the blood is coming from. I'm going to have to cut off your shirt." She said and took some scissor like things from a tray by the bed and began to cut the fabric of my shirt. She carefully removed the belt from my chest, and I felt a rush of feeling I hadn't even noticed I lost. It made me a little lightheaded. When it was all off, she examined the wound closely. Then I heard her gasp. Not good.
"Dr. Monroe, what'dya got?" a tall male doctor asked ducking into the secluded area. He looked older and more experienced than the female doctor.
"Male, fourteen, three gunshot wounds to the shoulder." Dr. Monroe listed off looking at a chart. How in the world did they know how old I was? "All three bullets are still inside his body but-" she hesitated.
"But?" the older doctor pressed stepping forward to look at my shoulder now too. I was starting to feel very uneasy about all this attention, and the antiseptic smell of the hospital was making me sick to my stomach.
"But… It seems the wound has already begun to heal over." Dr. Monroe finished. "How many days has it been since you were shot?" she asked me, sounding astonished.
"It's only been three or four hours, tops." I answered her. Both doctors looked like I just sprouted wings and antlers right in front of them. Ha, I thought they said they knew what we were. Guess not.
"But how- th-that's-"
"Impossible?" I finished for her. "We never were very good at following the rules, or the laws for that matter." I added remembering how recently we just broke into a lake cabin. "That includes the laws of nature." There was a long awkward silence that followed as both doctors stared at me. I was feeling antsy now, being stared at like some kind a circus sideshow freak. I guess I should be used to it now, but the insecurity just never goes away. I felt my skin crawl and I was about to make their heads spin with the quickest exit they'd ever seen in their lives, when the older doctor stepped forward.
"Er- Fang, is it?" he asked sounding unsure. Note to all of you doctors out there, it really makes you look bad when you sound unsure.
"Who's asking?" I growled. I didn't like how much they knew about me, I was wound up tight like a rubber band and I was ready to snap any second.
"Fang," He went on taking my response as a 'yes doctor, my name is indeed Fang, one of six genetically enhanced avian Americans, pleased to make your acquaintance.' "My name is Dr. Jacobs, I-" he hesitated for a moment like he wanted to ask me something. "May I see your wings?" he asked at last. And with that all of the red flags shot up at once. Warning, warning, doctors in white coats, aka scientists, want to see your wings, never a good thing.
"No." I told him, and get this; he looked surprised that I actually said no. It took him a second to gain his composure. "My wings are fine, why would you need to see them?" I asked.
"Listen we-" I was not about to listen to any more of this, the bleachy smell of the hospital was starting to make me dizzy, and I was really starting to feel claustrophobic, if these doctors knew what's good for them, they'd back off. I was all shaky and sweating rivers; I was having a hard time catching my breath. I gulped.
"If you're not going to help me, I have places I need to be." I snapped and started to get to my feet.
"You're not going anywhere." Dr. Monroe warned getting stern again and pushing me back on the bed firmly by my good shoulder. Not a good idea. My hand shot out and batted her arm away from me and I glared at her through my dark bangs, daring her to touch me one more time. Go on, see what happens. I thought. I didn't care who they were or how badly I was hurt, I needed to get out of there.
"Monroe, stand down." Jacobs ordered and immediately she backed off. I started to get to my feet again to walk out when I caught the look of desperation on Dr. Jacobs' face. "Fang, your mother is on her way." He said calmly. Ha! He's lying through his teeth. If only he knew I didn't have a mother, he might have had a better chance with me. I continued to ignore him. "Being a vet, she'll know how to help treat the bird part of Max… But Max doesn't have that kind of time." I snapped my head up feeling my heart halt in my chest at his words. The realization of that last thing he said hurt way worse than any bullet wound. Max is dying. I stared at Dr. Jacobs. For once in my life, I wanted to say something, but I couldn't find the words, let alone swallow the lump in my throat to get them past my lips.
"Wh-what?" I managed to choke out. I knew Max was in bad shape. Worse than I'd ever seen her before. But I didn't want to believe I could lose her. I wouldn't let myself think like that. Now, hearing someone actually say, more or less, that Max was going to die, it felt like the very Earth was crumbling from under my feet. I wobbled and had to sit back down. I felt rage begin to boil in the pit of my stomach. I growled in frustration. "You're doctors! You have to save her! That's your job! You're freaking gods! You can't let her die!" I shouted abnormally loud. My heart thudded against my ribs and it felt like they would crack and break with the pressure.
"We're doing everything we can for her." Jacobs said calmly. "But she's severely dehydrated and malnourished. She has three broken ribs, and her wrist was broken once upon a time, but it's healed wrong. We have reason to believe her wings are also broken, but we can't confirm that without an x-ray and she is in no condition for that. There are also traces of a very strong drug called methamphetamine in her body and a possible overdose. Her lungs keep filling up with fluids and we're still having trouble stopping the bleeding. There were also signs of significant sexual trauma." Dr. Jacobs just laid it all out to me without holding back. Guess he finally realized that tiptoeing around me was getting them nowhere. Oh god, Max no. By now I could hardly breathe, and the very beating of my heart caused agonizing pain. I felt it constricting, making me sick to my stomach. I squeezed my eyes shut and gulped down the ever-growing lump in my throat; I clenched my jaw so hard I was sure it would break and breathed sharply through my teeth. This can't be happening. Not to Max. What did she ever do to deserve this? My eyes snapped open when I felt a hand on my shoulder.
"We know this is hard for you." Monroe whispered softly; I had almost forgotten she was even there.
"But we need your help, Fang. Let us treat your shoulder, and let us see your wings, take a few x-rays; we need to see how your bodies work so that we can figure out how to save her." Jacobs insisted. I looked up at the doctor. How did I let this happen? I thought, unable to keep the dejection out of my eyes. I looked down at my hands in my lap and turned them palm up. They were trembling so hard, and they were covered in Max's blood. There was so much of it; I had more of her blood on me than my own. I quickly shoved my hands deep inside my pockets and stared at the ground. I promised her… I promised the flock. How could I have let this happen?
It was still dark out. I was awakened by the sound of soft bare footsteps making their way past my open door. I listened to them drag a little on the carpet then make their way down the stairs. I sat up recognizing them immediately. Max? I thought. I checked the clock on my bedside table. Four o'clock am. It was a simple little alarm clock that didn't even work. In fact, none of our alarm clocks worked. Not only did we not have a need for them (Max's wakeup call was enough to wake the neighbors, if we had any neighbors), but Iggy and Gazzy had discovered their usefulness in the art of bomb making a long time ago. I was surprised they still told time. The only alarm clock that still worked, but was never used, was Max's Micky Mouse alarm clock. And that was only because she threatened to kick their sorry asses to the moon if they ever tried to make a bomb with it.
I threw the covers off and silently stepped out of bed then made my way after Max down the stairs, my socked feet making no noise on the carpet. I went slowly at first. Then I was alerted by the smell of something burning. My first instinct was that the house was on fire and I quickened my pace, following my nose to the kitchen. But the house was still in one piece (so far) and there was no fire (yet). The kitchen lights were on and Max was standing over our little four burner stove, burning the living daylights out of some poor innocent eggs.
"You know," I spoke up shoving my hands in my pockets and leaning against the half wall that separated the kitchen from the living room. I could tell I startled her when she nearly jumped out of her skin. "You're supposed to break the eggs open before you cook them." She turned to me and I saw her face turn a light shade of pink.
"I- I know that!" She insisted defensively and went to pick the eggs (still in their shells) out of the pan with her bare hand. My eyes widened.
"Uh Max?" I tried to warn her. But she found out the hard way. She let out a small, startled yelp and dropped the egg back into the pan, then sucked on her burnt fingers. I smirked to myself and watched the egg seep out of its shell and crackle on the hot pan. I looked back up at her face and my smirk vanished. She wasn't looking at me, just staring into the pan absently as she started to stir the burning egg, shell pieces and all. She was hurting.
"What are you doing?" I asked her. She sniffed a little and shook her head.
"I- I figured I'd let Iggy sleep in this morning." She mumbled. I looked at the microwave clock, just to make sure it really was what time I thought it was. Sure enough, it said 4:06 am.
"Max it's four o'clock in the morning." I told her. "And you suck at cooking." That did it.
"If it's so early then why don't you just march your lazy ass back up to bed and leave me alone!" She snapped and whirled on me whipping the spatula in my direction. A portion of the burnt slimy eggs flew off the spatula and landed smack dap in the middle of my face. I blinked a few times to get the slime out of my eyes. She stood there stock still, staring at me in shock. Then her cheeks turned a rosy shade of red and her hand flew to her mouth as she let out a snort of laughter that reached her eyes.
"Oh, you think this is funny?" I asked reaching for a dish towel to wipe my face off with. She nodded and could hardly contain her laughter. I smiled to myself from behind the cloth as I cleaned off the goo on my forehead and in my hair, listening to her laugh. I loved her laugh. She didn't laugh too often anymore, not since Jeb vanished. So hearing it now was like music to my ears. Then slowly her laughing voice tightened… and I realized she was crying.
I quickly dropped the towel and looked at her as she pressed her back to the counter and slid down, burying her face in her hands, and pulling her knees up tight to her body. Max crying was probably the worst sound in the world. She was so strong and always so happy, even when I knew she was in pain. But she never cried in front of the others. I still found it hard to believe it myself when she cried in front of me. And trust me, that didn't happen too often either. I slowly knelt down beside her and sat next to her with my back to the counter.
"I'm sorry." She whispered and tried to hastily dry her tears on her arm. She sniffed again and kept her face turned away from me. I didn't say anything to her. I knew whatever I said would surely only make it worse. "I couldn't sleep." She confided. "He's been gone over a month now…I don't think he's coming back." She said in a strangled voice. She was talking about Jeb. All I could do was sit there and watch her sadly. She slowly leaned over and rested her head on my shoulder. "It's just- hard…You know?" she asked quietly. I didn't respond. I knew she was scared, and heart broken. She needed me to be there for her.
"It'll be ok." I assured her. It was my three-word version of a promise to always be there for her, to help her and protect her, her and the flock. She smiled sadly and nodded against my shoulder.
"Thanks." She whispered. After that I helped her up and cleaned up the mess she had made of the kitchen as she stumbled back up to bed. There was no way I'd be getting any more sleep tonight after all this. So instead, I stayed up, I went for a little spin over the dense treetops around our home in the mountains, until the sun peeked its golden face over the horizon. Then went home and helped Iggy with breakfast. That morning, Max was the last to wake up.
I slowly opened my eyes and looked up again. I had broken my promise. Now it was my responsibility to make it right again. If that meant swallowing my gut and letting these doctors do tests on me, if it meant I'd get the chance to hear her laugh just one last time, then I'd do it in a heartbeat. I nodded to them at last.
"First things first," Monroe said. "You're going to need surgery to get those bullets out of your shoulder. We'll put you under for-"
"No!" I said quickly. They looked at me. "I don't want you to put that stuff in my body."
"What stuff? The anesthetic?" Jacobs asked. I nodded.
"Fang- If we don't knock you out the pain of the procedure will be too much for your body to handle. We'll be cutting you open and digging out pieces of lead from your shoulder. Can you imagine how much that'll hurt?" Monroe asked looking a little concerned. Seemed they were finally done sugar coating things and just telling things as they were. 'Bout time. I didn't need to be 'handled', and I didn't need anyone's concern.
"Trust me." I said in a low dark tone. "I've been through worse." And to tell the truth… it would be nothing compared to what Max had gone through. The doctors looked at each other skeptically, and then they looked at me. But I had made my decision, if they wanted to get the bullets out of me, they'd have to do it while I was still conscious.
"AAHHHGG! Damn it!" Fang screamed. They could hear him all the way down the hall in their temporary room.
"What are they doing to him!?" Nudge exclaimed biting her lip and staring at their closed door. Her arm was in a proper sling and pressed firmly against her body. They had all been cleaned up and bandaged after arriving at the hospital. Angel was lying back on the bed holding Celeste (who had also been washed) to her chest trying to block out the terrible screams. Iggy leaned against the wall his arms crossed and his face tight, listening to the sounds of Fang's pain. He was all the way down the hall in another room, getting his shoulder cut into and bullets removed. He had refused to let them put him to sleep for a proper surgery, and now he was probably in more pain than he had been in when he initially got the wound.
Gazzy was in a very uncomfortable looking chair with his feet up, hugging his knees to him tightly. He stared at the floor. "Do you think they're going to be ok?" he asked. "I mean, Fang, Esperanza, and Max?" No one had an answer. Gazzy closed his eyes and gulped loudly as Fang let out another ear-splitting cry. It must have been bad to make him scream. Fang never screamed. Iggy turned to face the window behind him and leaned on the ledge staring out blindly into the night. He breathed in through his nose and let it out with a deep sigh.
"Let's try and get some sleep." He said, even though he knew there would be no way any of them would be able to fall asleep. "They said Dr. Martinez should be here in the morning. Then we can go home."
"I don't want to go home. Not without Fang and Max." Angel said quietly. Iggy turned to her, and then crawled into the hospital bed next to her. He put his arms around her and held her as she buried her face in his chest. "I'm scared." She whispered. "The doctors… I don't like what they're thinking."
Nudge turned around and faced Iggy and Angel, and Gazzy lifted his head. "What are they thinking Ange? Is it about Max? And Fang? What about Esperanza? Is it bad? I don't think I want to hear it if it's bad." Nudge said all at once. Angel was quiet for a long time before she finally spoke up.
"Esperanza isn't as bad off as Max. They say that she should be ok…" Angel mumbled. She moved her face from Iggy's shirt so she could speak clearer. "And they're going to use Fang to help save Max."
"How?" Gazzy asked not liking the sound of that.
"Do tests on him." Every one's eyes widened, and Nudge gave a little shudder. "They want to take pictures of the inside of his body… so they know how it works, so that they can help Max."
"Why couldn't they do that with Max? She's the one who's hurt." Nudge pointed out.
"Because… B-because…" Tears sprang to her little blue eyes and she buried her face in Iggy's shirt again. "Because she's going to die." And just like that it was like a bomb had exploded inside all of them. Nudge stood there silently, eyes wide mouth gaping in shock. That can't be. She thought and a lone tear started to make its way down her cheek. Immediately Gazzy started to shake his head in disbelief.
"No." He muttered. "Max… Max can't die. That's not possible! She's- she's- she's Maximum Ride! She's invincible!" he exclaimed with tears in his eyes.
"Nobody's... Invincible Gaz... Not even us." Iggy said painfully slow, like he was struggling to speak.
"Max is!" Gazzy exclaimed. There was silence after that. Not even Fang was crying out anymore, the procedure done, and his shoulder being stitched up. And everyone just cried. They cried like they had never cried before.
Gazzy was still shaking his head and burying his face in his knees, soaking his jeans in his tears. I knew we should have done something. He thought. We should have been looking for her… a long time ago. It's not fair! I hate this! It's just not fair!
Nudge lowered herself to the floor where she was and sniffled, hugging herself tightly, trying so hard not to cry. But the tears came. She just couldn't help it. This can't be happening…This has to be a dream. Max can't die…What are we going to do without her? She thought to herself as the tears came faster and faster.
Damn it Max. Iggy cursed clenching his jaw and hugging Angel tightly. How could you leave us like this? How could you leave Fang like this? We still need you, damn it.
Angel looked up at every one, her eyes all red and puffy. She's not dead yet you guys. She thought to them hearing what every one of them was thinking. She- she could still have a chance. Fang's not going to let her go without a fight. Though Angel's words seemed to reassure everyone a little bit, but the quiet crying continued until every one of them had fallen asleep from exhaustion.
They did all kinds of tests on me, both physical and mental. I showed them my wings and they picked through my feathers, making my skin crawl, and examined every inch of my twenty something wingspan. They took x-rays of me and an MRI and CAT scans and all those hospitally acronym tests that no one can understand. And I muscled my way through every one of them, for Max. And all through the tests they were taking notes and going back and forth between her and me, using what they learned from me to help her. I offered my blood and bone marrow. I would offer my entire body to them if it would help save her. But they refused. Said I had lost too much blood already and that they wouldn't risk losing me too. I don't think they understood that I didn't care if I lived or died. As long as Max lived. I'd do anything.
By the time everything was finally done it was nearly morning. I hadn't seen Max or any of the others since we entered the hospital. And I was beaten down exhausted. But I couldn't sleep. Not yet. They moved her from the trauma room to her own hospital room some time ago and I was at her side the moment she was stable, and they would let me see her. I was all cleaned up, Max's blood had been washed from my body and they provided me with a new shirt. Some kind of rock band swag they pulled from the lost and found. It had what was probably a recognizable logo to any other normal teenager, printed on the front, a list of cities the band hit during their tour on the back. My shoulder was all stitched up and wrapped tightly. They said it would take a while to heal; my guess was maybe a day and a half.
I stared at Max, not even daring to touch her for fear she would break, willing her to wake up, praying she'd be ok. She was hooked up to a machine that was breathing for her; without it she'd be dead. They said they did everything they could for her, but she was already so far gone. They said she may never wake up. I felt the tears slowly come to my eyes but forced them back. Now that I think about it… I don't think I've ever once cried in my entire life. But seeing her like this now… I couldn't help myself.
I took in a shaky breath as I reached out and touched her pale face gently. She was so cold. I moved my hand and brushed some hair from over her closed eyes, then cupped my hand against her cheek. "Max." I whispered her name hoarsely. I wished she could hear me, I wanted her to wake up so badly. I wanted to see her eyes open, I wanted her to see me. But she was gone.
I moved my hand to hers and gripped it tightly, squeezing my eyes shut as the tears finally spilled over. I breathed hard through my teeth, finding the pain in my heart unbearable. "Oh god." I muttered. This can't be happening. Then I suddenly felt something pushing against the back of my legs. I whipped around to see Nudge standing behind me pushing a chair up for me. She gave me a weak smile. And I just stared at her. I looked around. The rest of the flock had come into Max's room and I hadn't even noticed.
Angel was on the other side of Max's bed and Gazzy helped her up onto it. She crawled in beside the woman who had been the only mother she had ever known her whole life, and wrapped Max's arms around her tiny body. She cuddled as close to her as she could, practically willing her own body warmth into our dying leader. Gazzy watched his little sister sadly, sniffling a little. He couldn't even bring himself to look at Max directly. Iggy came over and lightly hovered his hands just over Max's face, just barely brushing his fingertips across her skin. Then moved down feeling the rest of her body, her arms, her sides, her legs. His face contorted in pain as he undoubtably imagined what we could all see.
Her wings were wrapped and bound tightly to her body. Her wrist, and hand, and half her arm were in a cast. She was battered and bruised from head to toe, and beneath the hospital gown there were stitches in her mid-section where they cut her open to stop the bleeding in her uterus. Her lips were dried and cracked and a sickly shade of blue. There were so many scars on her arms and legs it hardly seemed possible she was in one piece. And she was so thin and pale, and so small. I could hardly believe this was really Max. I half expected the real Max to walk in and proclaim it all to be just a big misunderstanding. That she was ok and this sorry girl in front of us wasn't her. But it was her.
I lowered myself into the chair Nudge had provided, still clutching Max's hand tightly. Nudge moved over to my side and just stared at Max silently. It was so quiet. I looked at them and I could tell they had all been crying. Even Iggy. Angel must have tapped into the doctors' minds, read their thoughts, and told the others what was going on. If that was the case… Then there was no doubt she knew that Max had been…
I try not to think about it. I heard Angel's voice in my head, heavy and burdened by knowledge no girl her age should ever have to know. Especially about someone she loves so dearly. And I haven't told the others that part. She added. I looked at her. She had her eyes still closed and she was nestled in next to Max as close as she could possibly get. Later on Gazzy had fallen asleep on Nudge, who was also asleep, sitting on the floor leaning her back against the wall and holding little Gazzy's head in her lap. After Iggy had gone through the room feeling all the colors he could find (All he found was white and blue) twice, just to get his mind unsuccessfully off of Max, he curled up on the other hospital bed in the room and also fell asleep. Angel hadn't moved from Max's arms and I was still in the chair holding on to her lifeless hand as if it were the only thing keeping me tethered to this damned earth. Then, slowly I laid my head on her arm and let myself fall into a restless, dreamless sleep, praying with all my heart that when I opened my eyes this will all have turned out to be nothing but a bad dream.