DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything in these stories. All rights go to the creator Chris Savino and the current showrunner, Michael Rubiner.
(The episode begins at the Royal Woods Elementary School on March 11, 1986 as School bell rings near the end of a school day. Lincoln and Lori are visiting Mrs. Johnson's class.)
Mrs. Johnson: Okay, class, tomorrow we're wrapping up our biology studies with a special project. We'll be dissecting... (She pulls down a scroll of a frog and its anatomy.] ...frogs!
(Her students all exclaim with joy.)
Mrs. Johnson: Get ready to jump in! (laughs but gets no reaction; disappointed) Really? No one?
Lincoln: [shocked] Are you kidding me?! Dissecting frogs? That is not going to be good! In fact, it all sounds...
(Instant segue to Lana and Lori.)
Lana and Lori: HORRIBLE!
Lori: Lincoln, why would we have to do such a cruel thing to an innocent creature?
Lana: You can't do that!
Lincoln: They're just frogs, guys. What's the big deal?
Lana: [grabs Lincoln by his hair] We'll show you what the big deal is! [pulls him into her room, Lori follows her in there instantly.)
Lincoln: Ow! Ow!
Lori: Lana, stop fighting!
(Lana stops fighting and lets go of Lincoln's hair and steps away from him a few moments later.)
Lori: Here, I'll get the projector out.
(The door closes and Lana helps Lori get out a movie projector)
Lana: Watch this movie we made about Hops. (She gives him the projector as Hops lands on her arm and croaks]
(Lincoln inserts the 16mm home movie reel into the projector and cranks the handle on the projector and peeps through the lens)
HOPS: A Life in Leaps
(The film begins with Lori sitting by the pond where Lana was lurking]
Narrator Lori: I was taking Lana to the park one day. She was so eager to play in the pond.
Narrator Lana: I'll never forget the day I met my future best friend.
(Someone squirts Lana and it reveals to be Hops. Lana then squirts him back and they laugh.)
Film Lana: You're the best froggy. Well, I gotta go. Dad's making meatloaf tonight. Thanks for the fun day.
(As she prepares to leave, the little froggy paddles on his lily pad and makes a sad face to Lana.)
Film Lana: Aw. You're lonely, aren't ya, little guy? Would you like to come home and live with me?
[Hops nods, leaps and pulls himself into Lana's dungaree pocket]
Film Lana: I'm gonna name you Hops.
Film Hops: [croaks]
Film Lori: [looks around] Lana, where are you? [Lana walks over to her] Oh, there you are. [looks at Hops] Who's your friend? (Hops leaps onto Lori's shoulder.)
Film Lana: Aw, Hops likes you.
(Hops squirts at Lori and she and Lana laughed.)
Narrator Lana: Since that day, we've been pretty inseparable. We eat all our meals together.
(The two are eating a bowl of mud with crickets.)
Narrator Lana: Hops likes his crickets chocolate-covered. But I like mine plain.
(They're playing Double Dutch together.)
Narrator Lana: We play together. We even get our school photos taken together.
Photographer: [dully] Alright, kid, smile. Three, two, one. Cheese.
(Hops comes out of Lana's pocket and is wearing some dungarees of his own.)
Narrator Lori: I have to admit, I had my differences around him.
(Hops leaped over to a sad Lori and cuddled against her.)
Narrator Lori: But he kinda helped me through hard times, much like Lincoln does and also for Luna.
(In Lana's room.)
Film Lana: Nighty-night, buddy. (She kisses him and puts him in his tank.)
Film Hops: (croaks)
Narrator Lana: I can't imagine what life would be like without my best friend Hops.
(Hops leaps out of the tank and rests himself next to Lana. Lana winces, notices and smiles as the two of them slumber together.)
THE END
Lincoln: [touched and driven to tears] That was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
Lori: I have to agree. It was so heartwarming and very beautiful.
(Hops grabs a box of tissues with his tongue.)
Lana: (handing her brother and sister tissues who then blows their noses) You see, Lincoln? Frogs are cooler on the outside than they are on the inside. So please, don't dissect them.
Lincoln: I won't. Mom won't. And neither will anyone else.
Lori: What do you mean? Does it mean we're on a rescue mission?
Lincoln: That's right, Mom, We're going on a rescue mission.
(The three sibling puts there hands in.)
Lana: Don't forget Hops! [Hops leaps into the group five.)
Lori: Let's do this.
March 12, 1986
(The next day in Mrs. Johnson's class at Royal Woods Elementary School.)
Mrs. Johnson: Alright, class, when we return from lunch, we'll leap into our frog dissecting! (still gets no reaction) Come on, people! I'm giving you comedy gold here.
(The bell rings and the class goes out to lunch. Mrs. Johnson locks the door and as soon as she leaves, Lincoln pops up from the corner.)
Lincoln: Mom, where are you? [Lori dashes in]
Lori: Right here, Lincoln.
Lincoln: Great, where's Lana? (Lana pops out from the trash can next to him.) Oh, good hiding place.
Lana: What are you talking about? Hops and I were just eating lunch.
(She belches out an apple core. Hops belches out a peanut shell, Lori is disgusted.)
Lori: Ew! Lana! That's disgusting! It'll make you sick!
Lincoln: Let's go!
(They move out and Lana breaks out her locksmith equipment and grabs one of her keys to open the door to Mrs. Johnson's room, but it fails.)
Lana: We have a problem. It's a surface mounted deadbolt with a tumbler locking mechanism.
Lincoln: Do you know what that means?
Lana: That means we'll have to find another way in.
Lori: Wait, I got an idea, guys.
Lana: You do?
Lori: Yeah. (She points to the vents] Let's try and sneak through the ventilation system to see what's going on.
(They sneak through the ventilation system and come across a shaft. They open it and Lana ties a rope around her waist while Lincoln and Lori hold it to lure her down. She dives in with Lincoln straining a bit from the velocity of the leap and Lana lowers herself to find she's actually in the principal's office]
Lincoln: [gasps] Principal Huggins? Wrong room. Wrong room!
(He struggles to pull Lana back up and Hops uses his tongue to pull her up just before Huggins notices]
Lincoln: [exhausted from pulling] Good job, Hops.
(They high-five with Hops' tongue. Soon, they finally find Mrs. Johnson's room under the floor and make it in]
Lana: [to the frogs in the tank] What's up, frog-ays? We're here to rescue you!
Lori: And don't you worry. Everything will be perfect once you're all free.
Lincoln: [grabs the tank] Let's go!
(Just then, the doorknob is rattling, meaning Mrs. Johnson is coming. The three gulp in fear.)
Lori: Hide!
(Mrs. Johnson enters the room to find the frogs are gone.)
Mrs. Johnson: [gasps] My frogs! (She runs to the window.) PRINCIPAL HUGGINS! PRINCIPAL HUGGINS!
(She runs out of the room to tell Principal Huggins and closes the door. Lori, Lincoln and Lana reveal themselves to have been behind her desk instead of having escaped with the frogs.)
Lincoln: Whoa. That open window decoy was brilliant.
Lana: What do you think? This is my first animal rescue.
Lori: Come on, fellas. We better set them free!
(They then proceed to exit through the window for real. They take the frogs to the pond.)
Lincoln: Be free, my amphibian friends! Be free!
(Hops croaks to them to go, but they don't understand. Lana dumps them out of the tank.)
Lana: Good luck, frog-ays! Have a nice life!
Lori: Don't let the reptiles get you!
(Just as the frogs begin to enjoy their freedom, a flock of birds circles above them.)
Lincoln: Uh, you guys might wanna get moving.
(Some turtles rise from the water, preparing to snack on the frogs.)
Lana: Seriously, guys, go!
(Some snakes are eying on the amphibian appetizers.)
Lincoln: Do you wanna be today's lunch special? MOVE! (They don't budge) Why aren't they moving?
(Lori grabs the frogs and puts them back in the tank.)
Lori: Maybe, they've never been to the wild before.
Lana: [notices a snake trying to eat one of them] HEY, YOU! NOT COOL! [wrestles the snake and saves the frog] Guys, we can't leave them here.
Lori: What are we going to do? This outside world is a dangerous place for such little frogs right now. Maybe we should take them to our house until it all blows over.
Lincoln: [gathering them up] You're right. We'll take them home until we can think of a better plan.
(A raccoon arrives with a bib, knife and fork.)
Lana: DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!
(The raccoon runs off in fear as they get the frogs to Lola and Lana's room.)
Lincoln: They'll be safe here.
Lori: Let's hope so. Now you ought to get back to school with Lana. Lunch hour's almost up. (Lana puts Hops on her bed.)
Lana: Alright, Hops, you and Lori keep an eye on them till we get back.
Lori: Got it! (Hops salutes as she leaves, Lori looks at the frogs in the tank] Hm, man, you guys look so cramped in that little tank huh? Here, I'll give you all some leg room. [Hops disagrees with Lori and shakes his head) Oh, don't worry, Hops. It will only be for a second. [lets the frogs out of the tank] Now, I wonder if I can find a bigger tank. [a fly buzzes past the frogs, cut to Lori with cardboard box.) I couldn't find a tank, but I did find this cardboard box. Perhaps I can fashion an environment out if- (sees that all the frogs are gone) Uh oh... (Lori ran downstairs with Hops on her shoulder and sees all the frogs are everywhere.) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Okay, everyone back upstairs. (Just then, Lincoln and Lana entered.)
Lana: Hops, how'd the frogs get out?
Lori: Oh god, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to make this happen! They were just so cramped in that little tank so I let them out for one second then...
Lincoln: It's alright, Mom. Just help us catch them.
(Cue "Hawaiian Adventures SpongeBob Theme II" as they all get on out there and catch all the frogs. Lincoln uses a pool skimmer to gather some up and tosses them in the laundry basket with pillows for safe impact. Lana drives Lola's princess car with a snow shovel tied to the height that scoops up any frogs she comes across. Lori uses a vacuum to suck all the frogs hiding in the crawl space in the basement. Some frogs are put back in the tank.)
Lana: 10 down, 40 to go.
(Just then, Principal Huggins is pounding at their door.)
Principal Huggins: Open up, Loud! Frog inspection!
Lori: Damn it, they found us.
(Before they open the door, Principal Huggins just barges in.)
Principal Huggins: Good afternoon, children. [looks around the living room] Well, I don't see any frogs here. I guess I'll just be on my way. [Lincoln and Lana smile at each other relieved] NOT!
(Lori walks up to him.)
Lori: Don't be too hasty, Mr... um...
Principal Huggins: Huggins.
Lori: Yes, Huggins. You're our guest here. [She pushes Huggins to the living room] Please, allow us to make you right at home. (Huggins stops her.)
Principal Huggins: I'll make myself at home, thank you.
(As he continues his inspection, Lincoln and Lana notice some frogs nearby while he's not looking. Lincoln yelps in panic and grabs his principal's coat.)
Lincoln: Let me take your coat. [tosses it over the frogs out of Huggins' view]
Principal Huggins: [sarcastically] Yes, just put that down anywhere, why don't you?
(He checks under a sofa cushion which has some gross content beneath and under the sofa itself. Lana then spots a frog by the window behind the TV and closes the curtain.)
Lana: Uh...I didn't want the glare to hurt your eyeballs, sir.
(Some glass shatters off in the distance.)
Principal Huggins: What was that?
Lori: Uh, I got it!
(She along with Lana and Lincoln run off to the kitchen. The noise came from the kitchen as the three pick them up and put them in the fridge then Lori hides one in her trenchcoat. They forgot one and Lana grabs it before Huggins enters.)
Principal Huggins: You three seem a bit nervous.
Lori: Nervous? Us? No no.
Lana: [muffled with the frog in her mouth] Not at all!
(A fly comes whizzing by and the frog grabs it with its tongue.)
Lana: [playing it off] Mmm. Protein. [chuckles]
Lori: [chuckles along] Yeah, she's always likes to eat bugs. It's her thing.
(The frog inside Lori's trenchcoat then croaked, Huggins then glared at Lori.)
Principal Huggins: Did I just hear a croak?
Lori: Uhm... [tugs her coat] My body's feeling kind of froggy. Um, not that there's actually frog under my shirt- Dah! I mean, it's just an expression...
(She nervously smiles. Huggins looks in the pantry and the oven, and just as he's about to check the fridge, Lincoln squirts him with a hose connected to the sink.)
Lincoln: Sorry, sir. You had some schmutz on you. Here, let me get you a towel.
(He rubs Huggins' face. While he can't see, Lana spits the frog out and tosses it onto the ceiling.)
Principal Huggins: [ceases Lincoln's rubbing] Stop it! [hears a thud from the distance] Hmm...maybe I'll go check UPSTAIRS!
(They go upstairs and one frog is on the inside of the wall before Lisa and Lily's room. A fly comes by and the frog catches it while hitting Huggins' face in the process. Lincoln grabs it and hides it behind his back before Huggins notices.)
Lincoln: [with some viscous substance on his finger] Wet willie! Uh...just trying to lighten the mood.
[They go to the door to Lucy and Lynn's room]
Principal Huggins: What's this room?
Lincoln: That's Lucy and Lynn's bedroom. But I wouldn't go in there. Lucy's kinda spooky.
Lori: Spooky, but satisfying.
Principal Huggins: If you think I'm afraid of a little- (he opens the door and lets out a stream of Lucy's bats while screaming in horror as they take cover and closes it; terrified.)
Lori: Oh dear. Lucy really needs to take care of those bats and do something about them.
Principal Huggins: That room looks clear. [pulls himself together and goes to the door to Lori and Leni's room] What's this room?
Lincoln: That's Lori and Leni's bedroom. They have a pretty intense security system.
Lori: Lincoln. Ha ha. Please don't talk about the security system. I'll get in a lot of trouble for that.
Principal Huggins: I'll take my chances.
(He grabs the doorknob which sends an electric shock to his entire body; brushes himself off] Well, upstairs looks clear. I need to use your restroom.
[Lana rushes into the restroom and checks the bathroom to find that there are no frogs in in.)
Principal Huggins: I usually do this alone.
Lana: Oh, right. Sure. Uh, I'm just gonna...check the toilet. Gotta make sure I didn't leave anything in there.
(She opens it and finds a frog in there; grabs it before Huggins sees it.) You're good to go!
(She leaves the bathroom as Huggins slams it shut. Cue "Hawaiian Adventures SpongeBob Theme II" as the kids rush downstairs and find two more frogs on the sofa. Lincoln covers them up with the back brace on the sofa. Lori finds three frogs by the TV and hides them from under it. Lana sees some in the fireplace and pulls the easy chair in front of it to hide them just as Huggins arrives downstairs after taking care of his business.)
Principal Huggins: Well, it appears your house is frog-free, so I'll be on my way.
Lincoln: Good luck, sir. Keep fighting the good fight.
Lori: I'm sure you'll find that frog thief soon. I would hate for anything to happen to those poor, inncoent... [Lincoln nudges her with her elbow]
Lana: I'll just grab your... [notices the coat is gone] ...coat?
[They look around and find the coat having moved from one spot to another with some lumps under it.]
Principal Huggins: I'll grab my own coat.
(He grabs it, but Lincoln, Lana, and Lori gasp and it looks just fine]
Principal Huggins: What is wrong with you three?
Lana: Nothin'. Drive safe.
Lori: Yep. Drive safe while you can, buddy.
[Just as Huggins is about to leave, his coat starts bulging]
Principal Huggins: What the- [starts yelling and shaking and finds the frogs in his coat as they hop away] YOU ARE THE FROG HEROES!
Lori: Why, of course we are, Principal Huggins. We just wanted the frogs to run wild. Here, we'll put all the frogs back in the tank for you.
(They're gathering up the frogs and putting them back in the tank.)
Lana: We're sorry, guys. We failed you.
Lincoln: If only Principal Huggins could see you the way we do.
(Hops grabs the portable projector)
Lori: Wait! Maybe he could!
Lincoln: Hops! You beautiful, green, warty genius! Up high, buddy.
(Hops gives Lincoln a high tongue. Principal Huggins is now watching the film and has been moved the way Lincoln has.)
Principal Huggins: [crying] That was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen!
[He and Mrs. Johnson are both crying]
Mrs. Johnson: [in tears] Don't hog it, Huggins! I wanna watch it again!
(She takes the projector and watches the film again.)
Lincoln: See? Frogs are way cooler on the outside.
Lori: There's no telling what could happen to us if you dissect them.
Principal Huggins: There is no way we're dissecting them. But what are we going to do with all these frogs?
Lincoln: I'm glad you asked.
Lori: Because we have something great inside our minds for this.
(Some time later, the frogs now have their own little paradise in the tank.)
Lana: We call it the Frog-ay Fortress.
(The kids all gather to observe with fascination.)
Female Student: Um, what are those two frogs doing?
Mrs. Johnson: [exclaims in shock and covers the tank with the map of the United States] CLASS DISMISSED!
(Lincoln, Lori and Lana are walking home after school.)
Lana: I'm sorry Principal Huggins wasn't too nice to you fellas.
Lincoln: That's okay. All that matters is that the frogs are safe and things can go back to normal.
Lori: I have to agree. It was definitely worth saving those frogs. None of them deserve to be dissected.
(They walk by Jean Juan's French-Mex Buffet, come back to it and see a poster advertising a new dish added to their menu.)
NEW! ROASTED DUCK ENCHILADAS
Lincoln and Lana: Tonight's special: roasted duck enchiladas?! (Lana and Lincoln look at each other.)
Lori: Oh boy. Looks like we gotta go get those ducks and save them before they're all chopped off.
(Cue "Hawaiian Adventures SpongeBob Theme II" as the three siblings grab the restaurant's entire shipment of ducks and run off with the whole shipment, trying to set them free and going through their animal saving episode once again as the episode ends.)