Chapter Eight Anger is a Dangerous Emotion
Isaac waved at Persephone as she passed him in the hallway. Since she's rescued him, Lester, the twenty-something intern had developed an admiration for her. Morgan found it amusing. Garcia thought it was cute. Persephone was surprised. In her mind, she didn't do anything that deserved admiration. Another result of her saving Isaac was that the interns favoured her whenever they could.
"Hey, Persephone." He greeted
"Isaac. How are you?"
"I'm good. You know a lot of people are very grateful for what you did for me."
"Yeah, I've noticed. I'm not sure why." Persephone admitted, "I only did the right thing."
Many people thought that the interns didn't have any power. And true, in the sense that Strauss and the Director had power, they didn't have much. In the sense that they were in charge of the day to day running of the office, they did have power. It seemed that Isaac was as much loved by the rest of the non-agent staff members as he was by the team. So, as a result of Persephone protecting said intern she was favoured by many of them. Persephone noticed that her tea was well stocked, the brands of stationery she preferred was well stocked up and while they made sure to stick to her system her desk had been paid special attention from the cleaners.
"Sometimes people don't do the right thing." Isaac answered, "If they did I guess we'd all be out of a job."
"I don't know about that. Doing the right thing and doing the illegal thing are not mutually exclusive. Either way, people don't need to keep thanking me."
Persephone had also been thanked in person by several grateful employees. It was clear that not only was Isaac popular but that Lester was unpopular. She had not been surprised to hear that Lester had bullied a few other interns. He seemed just like the kind of tosser, wanker, prat and other insults that would take joy in overpowering those weaker than him. Since the incident, Persephone had not seen Agent Lester. She assumed that he was back on his own floor licking his own wounds. Of course, she still expected Lester to come back at her eventually. If she'd profiled it correctly (and she knew she did) then he'd find some way to even the score. For now, though she had a point in the win column.
"I've got to go Persephone: things to do, people to see. It's was nice to see you again."
"Yeah sure don't let me stop you from your work. I should be getting back to the old grindstone too. Hey, you feel like hanging out this weekend? A few of us a going to see that new Bond film and I hear you're a fan."
Isaac smiled.
"You just call me Bolton, Isaac Bolton."
"I'll text you the details." Persephone promised. She flashed a smile at him before heading towards the bullpen.
"Ambrose! My office! Now!"
Hotch's voice filled the bullpen almost as soon as Persephone had entered it. His tone was dripping with disapproval. At first, Persephone thought that Hotch was going to reprimand her for being late. After all, she was one of the last ones there. A quick glance at the clock told her that while she was later than she normally arrived, she was not officially late. Persephone's face paled rather dramatically and headed straight there. She didn't even spare a glance at Reid like she normally did in the morning. She could see him give her a concerned look at the corner of her eye, but she didn't acknowledge it, not wanting to incur her boss' wrath any more than she'd obviously already had. There was no time to think about why she was in trouble: she'd find that out soon enough.
She knocked on the door and waited for a reply. It came almost instantly. As soon as she had entered the office she could see that Hotch definitely wasn't happy.
"You wanted to see me sir?" She asked trying to keep the tremble out of her voice. Persephone didn't think she was doing very well in that endeavour. She was stood behind the chair her head slightly bowed, trying to seem apologetic for whatever transgression she'd been called in to discuss.
"Sit down. Agent Ambrose." Hotch ordered.
She sat. Her mind briefly registered that if Hotch was being formal with her then whatever she had done must have been really bad. Like being fired bad.
"When I ordered you to stay away from Agent Lester did you think I was joking?" He asked his voice slightly raised in anger.
Hotch had seen no point in beating about the bush and got straight to the point. That was something Persephone was grateful for. When you were in trouble it was better to get the yelling and punishment over with than make it worse by delaying it. That only increased the likelihood of any anger felt towards you increasing and that was never good.
"Well?" He demanded making Persephone realise she hadn't actually given a verbal answer, just a mental one.
"No sir."
"Then why is there a formal complaint being lodged against you by Agent Lester?"
"There is?"
"Yes, Ambrose. There is. He is forming an official complaint against you for harassment. I would like to know why especially considering I specifically ordered you to stay out his way."
Ah. That was what this was about. It had been nearly a fortnight since the incident between her and Lester. She was beginning to think that Hotch wouldn't find out about it as he had not mentioned it to her yet. If Lester had complained about her then it was bad news. This was not the best way for Hotch to find out she's disobeyed him.
"I tried sir. I did. But he here bullying one of the interns from our floor, Isaac Bolton. He wanted some files that he did have permission to get so he tried to intimidate Isaac. I hate bullies sir. I have no time for those that prey on the weak."
Hotch's demeanour calmed slightly. He already knew the story to a certain degree.
"Neither do I Ambrose. Just like I do not care for my orders being disregarded." While he agreed with the sentiment he still did not care for the disregard for his orders.
"I made an oath to protect." Persephone pointed out weakly.
"You also made an oath to obey your superiors, one you broke today."
"I'm sorry sir."
"That's not good enough Ambrose!" Hotch's voice rose considerably. "I will not have my agents disobeying direct orders."
While the order had not been important it had been a direct one. If he didn't nip in the bud now she may disobey an order in the field where following them was literally a matter of life and death. The Unit Chief found his temper rising. The current stress that Strauss was putting on him combined with Jack's nightmares were beginning to take its toll on him.
Hotch rose his hand slightly, meaning to show Persephone the complaint form before discussing how they were going to circumvent it. He hadn't got that far.
It had been a while since Persephone had flinched like that but Hotch's anger had been stewing in her mind since he'd called her to his office. So, when Hotch moved slightly her arm moving totally of its own accord rose and covered her face. She closed his eyes tight
The quietness contrasted heavily to a few seconds ago. Hotch rose slowly and closed his blinds before pulling up a chair next to his startled agent who hearing the movement opened her eyes again and allowed her arm to fall again. Of course, Hotch wouldn't have hit her. He was a good man.
"Persephone?" He asked. His voice was softer than she'd ever heard before. It was the tone usually reserved for Jack.
"Persephone." He repeated and her eyes snapped to his.
"I wasn't- surely you didn't think I was going to hit you?"
"No sir of course not." But her voice betrayed her.
"Hotch. And I can see that's not true. I would never hit a member of my team Persephone. I thought that was clear. But if you think that's something that would happen then clearly we need to talk about appropriate disciplinary procedures."
"It's not your fault." Persephone assured him.
"Neither is it yours." Hotch counted knowing enough about to know what her behaviour indicated. He realised he knew little about his subordinate's social life despite being on the team for over half a year now.
"Hotch?"
"I am profiler Persephone. I know why you made those movements. Your body thought it was necessary. A small part of that was my fault for initiating it but the main part of that was someone else's. Whose?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
"All right. I won't make you. Now we've both calmed down a bit shall we continue our conversation? I understand why you disobeyed me."
"You do?"
"Of course. I hate bullies too and If I were there I would have done the same thing. However, you put your job in jeopardy. I knew Lester would provoke you somehow and turn the story to suit him. That's why I told you to stay away from him. You could have come to another member of the team and we would have in turn had a word with Lester. Or you could have spoken to Agent Thomas, his direct superior. You did none of these things, decided to confront him yourself and nearly lost your temper while doing it."
Now that Hotch had laid it all out for her Persephone could see that there had been other options. But she hadn't thought about that then. All she saw was someone that needed help and to deal with that the quickest way possible. The thing is the quickest way possible is not always the best way.
"I know I could have handled it better. I'm sorry I made you angry at me." God that sounded so weak now that she heard it out loud. It was true though. Persephone did not want her boss angry at her. Anger was a dangerous emotion.
"I'm not angry at you. I never was." Hotch clarified. He had a funny way of showing it.
"You looked it."
"I was angry at Lester. He was bullying someone something that has no place in the FBI and then he had the audacity to try and threaten my agent with her job because she stood up to him. I was not angry at you. Annoyed that you didn't think first yes but not angry. I'm sorry if I gave you the impression I was. Admittedly I was a bit harsh but you're a good agent and friend. I would hate for your place on my team to be in jeopardy because of a bully and a stupid one at that."
"You mean you're not suspending or firing me?"
Hotch tried to react to that. He didn't think that he seemed angry enough for Persephone to think that he would fire her. Persephone obviously thought differently. Instead, Hotch shook his head.
"No. I'm not. But Persephone next time I give an order I expect it to be followed. If you disregard them again you'll be on desk duty or if it warrants it, you'll be suspended. I will never hit you though. Clear?"
"Yes sir." Persephone agreed respectfully.
"Good. Now about the complaint. I don't want you to worry about it. He hasn't got a leg to stand on. Several agents were there and saw what was happening. I'll have Garcia pull the security tapes and I'm going to have a talk with Agent Lester about his behaviour and reminded him that people in glass houses do not throw stones." 'That and that I do not tolerate anyone threatening my team' Hotch thought but didn't voice it.
"That being said. Please try to stay away from him. I do not blame you. Far from it. If he starts harassing you that's another matter. If he gives you trouble, come to me and I will sort it."
Hotch examined his agent's face. She was feeling better now. A far cry from the fear she felt a few minutes ago. Hotch never wanted to see that on her face again. He never wanted her to fear him.
"Thank you."
"It's no problem. I am your boss. Yes, that's means I have to be the hard-ass drill sergeant everyone hates but It also means I am here to help you if you need it whatever that may be. If another agent is troubling you or if you need to talk about what I noticed easier. I am here. Don't forget that."
Hotch glanced at his clock and saw that they'd been talking for over half an hour.
"I had better let you get back to it or they'll probably think I've killed you or something. Go on. Prove to the rest of the team that you are indeed alive and unharmed."
At Hotch's joke, Persephone smiled and left her boss to his paperwork. That and a very large mug of coffee he was preparing himself. He wasn't much of a big drinker, but he had a feeling he'd need a whiskey at the end of the day. It wasn't nice to find out your teammate had been abused as a child. While Hotch didn't know the details, he knows enough to know that they weren't good.
During the time Persephone had been in the office the team had been discussing the possible reasons for her summons. She could feel their eyes on her as she started to work. She tried to ignore it, hoping that if she ignored it long enough they would get bored and stop it. However, after a while it was clear that they were never going to stop staring at her or say anything she decided to bite the proverbial bullet.
"You know if you guys paid as much attention to your paperwork as you did my face you wouldn't spend nearly as much time doing it. Why don't you take a picture it'll last longer?" She said
Morgan was the one that spoke.
"Come on Ginger aren't you going to tell us what Hotch reamed you out for? You were in there ages!"
Ginger? That was a new one. It was better than Cactus though.
"It doesn't matter Morgan."
Morgan didn't seem to like that answer. It wasn't unusual for Hotch to reprimand his agents. He could be a drill sergeant when he needed them, but those reprimands usually only lasted a few minutes before he'd dish out the punishment and let the agent get back to work or sent them home depending on the situation. It had seemed like ages since he's seen Hotch call Persephone to his office. Also, Morgan was certain he'd heard Hotch shout at the Brit. That was worrying. Hotch never shouted at his agents. So, he wasn't going to accept 'it doesn't matter'.
"Like hell, it doesn't matter. If he's giving you a hard time you can tell us. I know he's going through something, but he can't take it out on you."
Morgan knew the Unit Chief was going through some personal stuff. Jack wasn't doing so well recently, and he was obviously very worried about him. While he could respect that Hotch was struggling (and would help any way he could)m he would be damned if he was going to let him take it out on Persephone. She was one of them and that meant he was going to look out for her. Besides, he liked her they all did.
"He wasn't being hard on me Morgan and nor was he 'taking it out on me'. It's not important or any of your business for that matter! Now if you excuse me I actually want to do my work. You know that thing we're being paid to do? Or is that a foreign concept to you?"
It was perhaps a bit too harsh and Persephone would apologise for it later. But it had had its desired effect and they'd left her alone after that. Morgan knew she wasn't trying to hurt or insult him but was lashing out as a way of building some space between them. She wanted to be left alone. He respected that. It also made him sure that something had happened in Hotch's office.
"He wanted to know why I disobeyed him. Then we talked about how to deal with the complaint Lester lodged against me." Persephone explained after being silent for a while.
"Lester lodged a complaint against you?" Morgan asked.
"Yeah he did but I don't need to worry about that. Hotch is sorting it out. I'm sorry Agent Morgan."
"And there was me thinking you'd stopped with the formality. It's just Morgan remember." Persephone had been less formal recently though she still often slipped into it. She also often tended to retain that formality when referring to people in the third person.
"Right. Well, I am very sorry Morgan for implying that you don't work hard. I know that you do."
Morgan waved off any apologies that she gave. Persephone it seemed lashed out when her very well constructed walls were threatened. The team were working hard to help her feel more comfortable among them. Reid had the best success in that endeavour. Slowly but surely she was getting more comfortable with the team. In high-stress situations like the ones they encountered daily, friendships were forged quickly.
"And you're sure Hotch wasn't taking out his stress on you?" Reid asked. "Because I heard him shout at you all the way over here."
"I wouldn't say he took out his stress on me. If he shouted louder than usual then maybe but It doesn't bother me."
Reid hummed thoughtfully, analysing what she had said.
"Well, maybe I should have a word with him." Morgan suggested. He had a feeling that Hotch had done exactly that. He or Rossi were usually the ones that spoke to the Unit Chief in these situations.
"No Morgan, thank you but it really isn't necessary." Persephone replied.
"Well, if you are sure Ambrose then I'll stay out of it. But if you change your mind let me know and I'll make it pretty clear to him that I don't appreciate him taking his frustrations out on you." Morgan promised her.
Persephone and Reid left together at the end of the day. They had been spending more and more time with each other since the Doctor Who conference. They'd already decided to go head to Persephone's house and watch Sarah Jane Adventures. Garcia couldn't make it as she a Kevin had already had plans. Neither Persephone nor Spencer drank alcohol though their reasons for doing so were very different but neither asked why the other refused to drink. They had mutual respect for their privacy.
Reid spotted a picture hanging in a frame a picked it up. It was a picture of a Dalek. Like a real Dalek. It had a rope barrier surrounding it.
"When did you meet a Dalek?" He asked
Persephone turned around and saw what he was looking at.
"Oh that. It was in the shopping centre in Eastbourne. To this day I do not know why it was there. But I loved that day, so I framed it to remember it by."
"I'd like to hear that story sometime."
"And I'll tell you sometime but for now do you want to watch Sarah Jane Adventures?"
Just as they finished watching Revenge of the Slitheen episode Reid turned to Persephone.
"I think I know what nickname to give you."
"Oh really? What do you want to call me?"
"Percy."
"Percy? I like it."
"Percy it is then. I'm Spen, you're Percy."
"I guess this means that we're friends."
"Of course, we're friends Percy. We all are." Reid assured.
"Garcia did throw me that party last week."
Garcia loved parties and any excuse to throw one would be used. Last week marked the six-month anniversary since she joined the team. The technical analyst had arranged a small do in the conference room with homemade cupcakes. It hadn't been a big affair – Hotch reminding them they had a lot of work to do. It had latest the length of their lunch break. Persephone had appreciated the gesture all the same.
"She wanted me to tell you that that wasn't a party but when you hit a year you can be sure of a proper party."
"She's sweet but that really isn't necessary."
"I wouldn't try and stop her. Once Garcia's set her mind on throwing you a party she's going to throw you a party." Reid chuckled.
"I supposed I'd just let her then." Persephone concluded.
"That would be a good idea." Reid agreed. He rose from the sofa and raise his hand meaning to take Persephone's plate from her and take them to sink.
Persephone saw Reid raise his hand at the corner of her eye. She was still reeling from her earlier conversation with Hotch. While she knew deep down that Reid wouldn't hurt her she couldn't help but flinch at the unexpected movement.
It was clear to Reid exactly what had happened to cause Persephone to react like that. It was a completely instinctual move that could only be developed by some sort of trauma. That trauma likely happened when Persephone was a child, when still in her formative stages of psychological development.
"Percy." Reid asked softly.
"I'm fine Spencer." Persephone assured him. She leapt off the sofa and took both her plates and Reid's before taking them to the sink. She started washing them up while Reid watched her or rather analysed her.
"I wouldn't hit you." Reid stated.
"You know, you're the second person who's said that to me today."
"Oh really?" Reid asked his interest peaked by the conversation "Who was the first?"
"Hotch." Persephone answered.
Reid reached his own conclusions. The earlier conversation with Hotch was not only long but was strange. The Unit Chief had pulled his blinds closed. He only did that when he or someone else in the office wanted some privacy.
"That's what happened earlier, why you were in Hotch's office that long. You thought he was going to hit you." Spencer realised.
"Not consciously." Persephone agreed.
"He wouldn't do that. We wouldn't hurt you, Percy." Spencer promised.
"I know Spen."
Spencer leaned over and helped Persephone dry the dishes. He wanted to show Persephone that he was there for her. He didn't expect her to explain everything to her. He's explained very little about his childhood with her. She knew that his Mom was in a psychiatric facility and that he didn't speak to his dad but other than that she didn't know much. He knew even little about her childhood but if your childhood was bad it wasn't something you talked about to just anyone. He did however wanted her to know that she was always there if she wanted to talk.
"Someone hurt you didn't they?" Reid asked.
"We all have our past demons." Persephone answered.
"Percy."
"Yeah. Someone hurt me. I don't want to talk about it."
Reid place a comforting hand on her shoulder and gave it a soft squeeze. Persephone leaned into it slightly. It felt good like it belonged.
"You don't have to." Reid assured.
"People are usually very nosy. Aren't you curious?"
"Very. But if you aren't ready to talk about that then I respect that. When you are ready to talk to remember I'll be there. I will help in any way I can."
"Thanks, Spen."
"You're welcome."
Persephone turned and talked towards to cupboard and pulled out a jar of corn kernels.
"Hey, how does some popcorn sound? I got a new popcorn maker that I am itching to try."
Reid grinned.
"Popcorn sounds good. I know the perfect recipe slightly salty, slightly sweet, and very buttery. I hope that's what you like."
"That sounds perfect." Persephone answered. She was glad that Spencer that not mentioned anything about the change in subject. Sometimes a profiler wasn't needed. There was a time and a place for that, and it certainly wasn't now.