I always hated being unprepared for anything: a presentation, a play, a get together. I would get this uncontrollable trembling that would start in my stomach and radiate through my bones. I remember the first time it happened—it was my second grade play of Princess and the Pea. I'd been cast as the princess and when I made my debut on stage, the lights and stares of the tribe on me made me freeze. I stared up at the stack of makeshift beds piled on top of one another. Becks, who played the queen looked at me, mouthing my lines. My whole body shook, I must have looked like a brand new baby deer caught in the headlights. But all of the sudden, I was able to proudly say my lines, despite the shaking; my voice didn't even have a warble to it. When I got to leave the stage, Becks took my hand and I gripped it tightly, happy to be out of the burning lights.
After the gold bracelet incident, Maya made sure to go over on Sunday to try and gauge how Paul was feeling. She'd sent him a text or two over the next couple of days, but had only gotten cursory responses. Jeremy seemed to act normal, so Maya thought maybe everything was okay.
Unlike the other days, Maya chose to walk to Paul's on Sunday instead of hitching a ride from Jeremy or her parents. The weather was good, the sun had just peeked out after 10 a.m. clearing away the consistent morning grey. She slipped on some cuffed light wash jeans, a long sleeved white fitted shirt and her red flannel that had once belonged to her mom. Maya had brushed out the mess of her hair and other than running some oil through it, she left it down in a wild poofy array. She was careful to leave the gold bracelets sitting next to her sink.
Slinging her backpack over her shoulder, and donning her brown boots, Maya called out a goodbye to her mom and dad before swiftly heading toward the beach. There were back paths that wound the edge of it and Maya could get to the carved path that led up to Paul's house. Since he was on the edge of town, it took Maya a good 30 minutes to walk it, but she didn't mind. The fresh air made her cheeks rosy and she pulled in the salty sweet smell of the beach.
When she made it to Paul's after climbing the path to his backyard, she paused. Maya had a clear view of him through the double french doors. His back was to her and he was shirtless with black sweatpants covering his lower half. Maya's eyes traced the line of muscles in his well defined shoulders and back. The deep red brown skin made her heart stutter and she knew that if she stood here much longer, he'd turn and catch her staring and a flood of embarrassment would beg her to bolt.
She skipped up the back porch steps and easily pulled open the french doors. Paul looked over his shoulder at her, surprise coloring his face that quickly morphed into tempered joy.
"Good morning," Maya said sweetly, setting her backpack down on the bench and making her way over to the coffee pot.
"You're here early," he said, giving her a glance as she hopped up onto the counter top and held the steaming cup between her hands. She watched him work at the stove, scrambling eggs, warming biscuits and sizzling some sausage in a pan.
"Mmm," she replied, "Any of that for me?"
"Always," he said, his voice still a little gruff with sleep. She noted there was already an extra plate laid out on the kitchen counter and she wondered if he knew she would come. She had been making Sunday's a regular thing and rarely ever texted him a heads up, but still.
Maya took another sip of her coffee and then hopped down to grab some fruit that she sliced at the counter next to him. She doled out orange slices amongst their plates.
When he sets the plates down for them, he starts up immediately: "I've got some work to finish today that I need to post for Seattle by tomorrow so I'll be tied up in my workshop today."
"Okay," Maya said softly. He was making an effort not to look at her again and this irked Maya a little. His eyes flitted to her wrists and seeing them bare, he continued:
"I'm also going to be out of town for a couple of days at the end of this week, Wednesday through Friday, but you can obviously still come over to work or hangout if you want."
He was leaving? Maya took a couple of bites and let the silence bolster her before she said, "Where are you going?" She felt a pang in her body that said she already would miss him.
Paul looked up at her now, his eyes meeting her with a calm, serene expression. Maya couldn't help but let her eyes drop to the most favorite spaces on his face: the line of his jaw, the curve of his mouth, the height of his cheekbones.
"Just to Seattle. I have some meetings lined up for some custom work and need to meet with some clients. I have a workshop up there that's a little more fitted to handle larger pieces."
Maya nodded and continued eating. She felt his eyes on her again but didn't look up. "Okay."
After breakfast, Paul dipped out to his workshop and true to his word Maya didn't hear or see him for a few hours. Around 2 though, as she finished up her James Joyce required reading from the couch and was letting herself drift cautiously toward a nap, she heard a "My!" come from his workshop.
He'd started using the nickname without any real reason, but she attributed it to him being more comfortable around her. Plus, it made her flush with excitement every time he said it.
She hurried out to his workshop, barefoot and when she tentatively walked in, he pointed to the long table with intricately carved legs proudly. "What do you think?" He was clearly seeking her approval and Maya let her eyes wash over the beautiful oak wood. Her hand slid across the buttery top and she walked the length of it, taking it in.
"It's beautiful," she breathed. Her back was to him and when she turned around to meet his eyes, he was holding something.
"This is for you." Maya's eyes darted to his wide hands and she saw a delicately beaded white and blue bracelet not unlike the one Paul has around his wrist. Maya was taken aback for a moment and reached out slowly to take it from him. It was incredibly detailed and the thread was barely visible amongst the tightly threaded beads that follow spiraling patterns like those in the murals and drawings of her tribe.
"Can you help me put it on?" she held out her wrist to him, joy clearly shining from her eyes. Paul was dumbstruck by her reaction and his eyes flickered to her face and the bracelet before he closed to the distance between them and carefully secured the bracelet around her right wrist. An electric shock of warmth shot up her arm as his hands lingered on her forearm for just a moment too long before letting her out of his grasp.
She gave him the biggest smile after admiring the bracelet on her wrist and noticed that Paul's mouth twitched in a momentary grin before he took a step back, the warmth evaporating between them. She really liked making him smile. Maya willed the goosebumps that rushed down her arms and legs to go away but Paul had already noticed and it seemed to satisfy him.
"Thank you," she said again. Paul nodded and turned back to his work. Maya retreated to the house and laid back down on the couch holding her wrist above her head and turning it in the sunlight so she could look at every part of the bracelet in detail. A flurry and butterflies swarmed in her belly.
The bell rang, dismissing her for the day on Monday. Maya laughed at something Jeremy said as they stumbled down the steps in front of the school together, his arm casually laying around her shoulder. When they reached the bottom, Jeremy looked at her and said,
"I'll see you later, looks like you got a ride today." Maya looked at him confused as he pulled his arm off of her and walked away from her toward his car. She turned to see Paul leaning against his forerunner, that same unreadable look on his face—it almost looked hungry. Her creamy tan turtle neck was cuffed up to her forearms, easily showcasing the bracelet Paul gifted her. She shoved her hands into the pockets of her light wash jeans and made her way over to him with a smile.
"What are you doing here?" She said when she was close enough. That hungry expression eased into a gentle smile and he let himself take a look at her. She ran a hand through her hair, realizing she probably looked a little disheveled.
"Thought we'd shake it up a bit," his eyes never left hers but Maya had the crushing feeling that everyone around them was watching. A quick scan around the parking lot confirmed to her that yes, everyone was watching.
"I thought we were keeping a low profile." She turned back to him. His eyes glittered as they looked around her face, searching for something there.
"Ah well, the whole tribe already knows. Well, sort of." he flashed a secret smile, and Maya raised an eyebrow in an unspoken question that he wasn't going to answer "Plus, you've been cooped up at the house doing homework, I thought you could use a break."
She smiled at this and noticed that his eyes were drawn to it as well. Two peas...
"A break would be great." She conceded.
"Good. Hop in." he said and opened the passenger door for her.
The drive was quick and when they arrived at the modified bungalow by the beach, Maya looked at Paul expectantly, her mouth slightly ajar. She had no idea where they were, but the look on Paul's face said that they were somewhere where Paul felt entirely at ease. His body language relaxed and his eyes softened. He hopped out of the truck as Maya stayed frozen in her seat. He jogged around the front of the car and opened the door for her. When she jumped down she heard a crowing coming from the house and suddenly a group of men spilled from the mouth of the house toward them. Maya, startled, automatically took a step back, but Paul placed his hand firmly on her lower back and said:
"There's some people I want you to meet, come on," before he returned the crowing and guided her toward the throng. They all towered above her. Paul was among the tallest, but still, Maya had to crane her neck to see their faces. She fitted a smile and was only reassured by the warm hand Paul kept on her back before he started making introductions and depositing her into the open arms of his pack. There was that word again.
"And you know Jeremy," Paul said, gesturing to Jeremy who stood and gave her a small wave back on the porch.
"Wow, I wish I was young enough to be security detail," the one named Quil quipped. Paul fixed him with a grimace and a playful slug to the shoulder as Quil feigned injury. Maya blushed and took a step closer into Paul without thinking.
"Maya!" A woman called as she skipped down the porch steps and hurried toward her. The crowd of men parted at her presence. She noticed a deep red scar that pulled down the left side of her face, but she was quickly pulled into a tight, warm embrace before she had too long to focus on it. "It's so good to finally meet you. I've heard so much about you. I'm Emily," she said pulling back and bringing her hands to cup Maya's cheeks. Maya recognized Sam Uley coming up behind her, an easy smile on his face as he looked at her.
"Emily Uley," Maya confirmed, with a polite smile. She nodded her head eagerly as if the name gave her pleasure.
"This is my husband, Sam" she turned her body and Maya nodded.
"Nice to meet you," she said.
"Welcome," he said, his tone loaded with so many things unsaid.
When they entered the seemingly small bungalow, Paul stayed close to Maya. The home was warm and full with the members of Sam's group as well as some women who clung to them. Maya looked at Paul for clarification and he gave her a knowing look and gestured to first himself and then Maya with his index finger. Imprints.
Maya took a deep breath, thoroughly overwhelmed at this and leaned against the kitchen counter as Emily was a flurry of activity around them. Paul was joking with some of the other men and she noticed that his face had changed. This Paul was relaxed, happy, and the tension was gone from his jaw. He also seemed to be more comfortable around Maya, placing a hand absently on her back from time to time just to make a connection or leading her to the table and slinging his arm over the back of her chair, his hand hanging down over her shoulder. The move clearly indicated that this was Maya and Paul. Paul and Maya.
Who was this Paul? She barely recognized him.
If being well liked taught Maya anything, it was how to hold a conversation when you were mentally absent from the room. She bantered easily with the other imprints and some of the men, who were pleased with her joking demeanor and the ease at which she fitted in.
Maya felt an iron weight coiling around her and holding her in place. As the house burst with energy and play fighting, Maya tried very hard to determine the source of the weight that made her want to bolt.
She thoroughly enjoyed the company around her, everything felt easy, and she slotted into place with Paul like a missing puzzle piece here. But that was the problem. This was easy and never before in her life had she wanted to stay exactly where she was than at this moment. It scared her and her knee jerk reaction was to distance herself as far away from is as possible so she could get back to the Maya she knew. The Maya who was already mentally packing her bags and flying across the country to start a new life where no one knew her.
But here, in Emily and Sam's family home, their kids running in and out of the house and their friends laughing and bouncing off of one another, Maya saw a different future unfold. A future she felt her insides squirm and yearn for. A future that placed Paul in her direct line of sight and went against everything she promised herself. One that would please the council and her parents. One that she would never regret but didn't know if she wanted.
After a ton of crushing goodbye hugs, Paul pulled Maya out of the grasp of the giant men by her waist toward the car. She waved goodbye, all smiles, and once safely tucked into the quiet of the car, she let out a relieved sigh.
On the drive back to her house, she was unnaturally quiet and stared out the window, her eyes burned with the threat of tears.
"Everything okay?" Paul broached when he noticed her silence. Maya tried to gather herself and quickly nodded her head, keeping her gaze fixed out the window.
"Mmhhmm, absolutely," she said, chancing a glance at him. That was a mistake—he read her expression easily and alarm now pulled at his features.
"I'm sorry if that was overwhelming back there. I know they can be a little much but they all loved you, trust me." he said reassuringly.
"I really loved meeting them. Can we... go back sometime?" she said more for him than for her. He gave her that heart wrenching smile again, the one that made her chest hot and her thighs clench tightly together. Maya relished in the feeling it gave her.
"Yeah," he said. He placed a warm hand on her thigh and she felt the searing heat creep up and settle in between her legs. "Thank you for coming, it meant a lot." He squeezed her thigh gently and she let out a little gasp at the jolt it gave her. She hoped he didn't notice, but the burning in his eyes was back and she knew then that he had.
"Of course. Thank you for including me...in that part of your life," she said, wanting him to know that she saw the clear change in him when he was with his group. He nodded knowingly and pulled into her driveway.
"Come over tomorrow," he said. It wasn't a question, he was sure, confident, and the tone laced with want. Maya turned and stood in the open passenger door.
"Sure," she said easily, giving him a small smile before hopping down and hurrying up to her door. He waited until she was completely inside before taking off. His eyes followed her all the way up the path, memorizing the curve of her shape, the swing of her hair.
Upstairs in her room, Maya sobbed for a life she thought looked lovely but would never let herself have.