Chapter 8: I Can't Not Try
Merlin poked his head out from behind his door and looked around, checking that Gaius was still out on his rounds before sneaking out and walking down the short stairs and towards the physician's large bookcase. Merlin selected one of the books and set it on the table. "Gefindan." He said, and the book flipped open to a page on curses. Merlin said a quick prayer to the gods before skimming the page in front of him. Hopefully, this book had something. After the banquet the night before, he had snuck out to see Morgana again and give her some more food. She hadn't had another attack while he had been there, but she told him she had suffered another one in his absence. Merlin had stayed until she was asleep, before casting a protection spell over the cave. As long as Morgana stayed inside, Morgause shouldn't be able to scry her. He didn't worry about Morgana leaving, since when he saw her, she was still in the same place he had first set her down. Merlin didn't need his medical training to see that the spell's effects lingered on her, causing movement to be painful.
He had looked in his own spell book on his return for a counter-spell to break the curse, but he couldn't find anything that described the spell Morgana was under.
Merlin turned the page of the book. Obviously, Uther didn't allow for Gaius to have actual books on magic, but he made an exception for books on magical creatures and books that described non-magical ways to combat a magical attack, some with pages torn out or words blotted out, all in the interest of rooting out the evils of sorcery, of course.
Besides, he thought to himself, if he could break this spell without using his magic and risk exposing his secret, that would be for the best.
It wasn't that he didn't believe that she had run away from Morgause and had been hiding from her for a year, but Kilgharrah's warning still rang through his head. He couldn't be sure that Morgana was not going to cause harm to Arthur, whether she meant to or not. Until he was sure, he decided, he had to keep his distance.
Something caught his eye in the book. The name of the curse had been scratched out with ink, but the description was still intact. Causes a one-time effect of blinding pain on the afflicted. Can be cast from a distance.
This looks at least somewhat promising, Merlin thought. There was nothing on how to break the curse, but if it's only one spell that Morgause has been casting over and over, Merlin figured, some simple protection wards might be enough to ward off another attack. Marking his place in the book, he slipped it into the pack along with some food and medicine that he was bringing to Morgana. Arthur was in a council meeting that had just started by now, so he knew he wouldn't be missed for a couple hours at least.
Upon his arrival at the cave, Merlin peered into the dark. "My lady?" He called. He breathed a sigh of relief when, upon walking closer, he saw a shift of movement in the blankets. "Morgana? Are you awake?"
He knelt at her side, and turned her to face him. Her breathing was shallow and rapid, and her skin was pallid and covered in a sheen of sweat, her dark hair sticking to her forehead and her face. It was hot to the touch when he passed his hand over it. When she opened her eyes, they couldn't focus on his face.
Merlin's theory of the curse being a one-off spell by Morgause cast multiple times flew out the window.
"Morgana." He said intently, willing her to focus on him, "Your symptoms. Describe them to me. Anything."
Morgana grimmanced, screwing her eyes tight "Hurts." She said, her voice a hoarse whisper.
"Yes, I know," Merlin said, impatiently, "Where is the source of the pain? Where does it feel strongest?"
"Back." Morgana mumbled.
"Your back?" Merlin asked, raking his mind for anything he had read as Morgana continued.
"She can't see me, I hear her, she can't see me. She wants me to show myself, she'll take it away, I have to go with her." Morgana mumbled.
"Morgause? She wants you to return to her, and she'll break the curse?"
Morgana's eyes flew open. Suddenly, she sat up from her blankets and seized Merlin's arm in a vice-like grip, digging into the skin with a ferocity she shouldn't have been capable of. "Don't let her take me. She'll use me to kill Arthur. I'd rather die." Before collapsing forward into Merlin.
Merlin maneuvered her onto her side, facing away from him. Gingerly, he lifted the back of her shirt, and his breath caught in his throat.
Starting from the base of her spine and spreading out to cover the entirety of her back was a dark, twisting shape that looked like a tree.
Merlin cursed. Time was running out; he didn't have time to research this, Morgana had a couple hours at the best, as she was she wouldn't make it through the night.
He knew what he would be told to do; to do nothing, let her die, and secure Arthur's safety. He also knew he couldn't let Morgause get hold of her again, not when Morgana had said herself she would rather die than go back to her.
But it was that awareness of what she had said, that she also knew she was somehow meant to cause Arthur's death that he knew he couldn't let her die. He had chosen between her and Arthur before, and it had almost made her lost to them all forever.
What if, by sending her to Morgause a year ago, he had almost made his former friend his own worst enemy? And now, he knew, he had a second chance to make it right. Maybe if he could keep Morgana safe and away from Morgause, he could, in the end, save both his friends.
"I'll be right back, Morgana." He said, "I won't let you die again." Before standing and running out the cave and into the forest towards a clearing.
"O drakon," Merlin roared, "e male so ftengometta tesd'hup'anankes!"
It didn't take long for the sound of giant wings to fill the air. Merlin looked up as the giant form of Kilgharrah alighted onto the grass. Folding his wings, the dragon greeted Merlin with his signature expectant look. "Hello young warlock." He said, "What is it that you need my help with?"
"What do you know of a curse that causes the afflicted severe pain, that leaves a dark mark that looks like a tree?"
"The Deáþbeám." Kilgharrah said, "But this is dark, dark magic Merlin."
"How do I cure someone who's been cursed?"
"First tell me who has been cursed."
Merlin shook his head. "I don't have to tell you that. I can just make you tell me, remember?"
Kilgharrah bristled. "Do not abuse your powers, young warlock. No good will come of it."
"Then help me!" Merlin exclaimed.
Kilgharrah raised his scaly brow expectantly.
"It's Morgana. I found her alone in the woods, she's left Morgause-"
Kilgharrah roared. "Merlin I have warned you again and again the witch cannot, must not be trusted!"
"I can't let her die!" Merlin exclaimed. "I almost killed her once, I can't do it again. She came back because she wanted to keep Arthur safe, Morgause was going to use her to get to him." Merlin threw his arms up in defeat. "I have to try to save her. I can't not try."
"Your selflessness will be your downfall." Kilgharrah warned. "And you will doom Arthur with you."
Merlin shook his head. "There has to be another way." He said. "Help me. I will not ask you again."
Kilgharrah sighed. "Very well. But Merlin, be warned: whatever happens next will be of your own doing."
"I understand." Merlin said, solemnly.
Sister, if you come out of hiding I can help you. Let me take you home. I'll keep you safe. Morgana…
Morgana shook her head, trying to clear the voice out of her head. It had been nonstop for hours, accompanied by the searing pain down her back and reverberating through her head. No! She wanted to yell, no, I refuse to let my dream come to pass. I reject it!
But all she could do was breathe. Merlin had left a while ago, maybe to go looking in some books, maybe to get some herbs for the pain. Not that they'd do much help. Or poison, to put her out of her misery. She almost wouldn't mind it this time around, it dimly occurred to her. There was something almost ironic about that, barely surviving one poisoning at one man's hand only to welcome it a year later from the same man.
"Morgana?" She could feel him hovering over her, but she couldn't will her eyes to open in order to look at him. She could feel his hands gently brushing her hair out of her face. "Morgana, are you awake? Can you hear me?"
Morgana. Morgana. Sister, listen to me…
Morgana felt herself being lifted into a sitting position, she wanted to cry out at the disruption, but it felt like her jaw was wired shut. She felt Merlin's hand at the small of her back. "Gods I hope you're asleep." She heard him say. She could barely register the meaning of that when he continued, "Ic þe þurhhæle þin licsare mid þam sundorcræftas þære ealdaþ æ!"
A feeling like warm sunlight washed over her. Starting at the base of her spine where Merlin's hand rested, and moving upward and out, in the same direction that the pain had. She felt...almost warm, but comfortably so as the sunlight feeling washed through her.
And Morgause's voice in her head was gone.
She breathed a sigh of relief.
But as she opened her eyes and looked into a worried face the reality of the situation came rushing back to her. She had known what she had heard, and what she had heard was proof enough to say:
"You have magic."
Next Chapter: The Truth Comes Out (coming 5/15)
MUAHAHA A CLIFF HANGER! Anyways, while writing this and referencing the Merlin Wiki I learned that apparently the Dragonlord language is based on Ancient Greek? Which doesn't make a ton of sense to me but OK? Also, the spell Merlin uses to heal Morgana is the same spell that he made Kilgharrah give him to heal her in season 3 from the head wound. I think whatever Old English it comes from probably makes the connection to head wounds but whatever I wanted to have the little callback to the show.
As always please review! Your reviews give me my will to live keep writing and I really gotta admit, the chapter I'm on rn is testing my will to live keep writing I'm really excited because the pace of this story is really going to amp up now that Morgana knows Merlin's little secret.