Chapter 8: Zim Versus Eureka

They set down in Oregon a few hours later, and a transport waited for them. They piled into the giant black SUV, but Artie refused a driver. "This is above your pay grade!" he yelled.

The driver backed off.

They hurtled toward the wilderness, down a lonely country road where it seemed to be raining all the time. Fucking depressing. Zim took out his phone and tried to get Final Fantasy on it.

Casey slapped the phone out of his hand. "Not now, Mr. Fantasy Island. We have mission prep."

"Goddammit!" Zim yelled. "It's Final Fantasy! Not Fantasy Island!"

"All right, Mr. Roarke," Casey said.

Claudia hammered away at her laptop. "Okay, Eureka is very well hidden from those who don't know about it. Luckily I have some experience with this place, so we should be able to gain access fairly quickly."

"Yeah," Pete said. "Your boyfriend sure hooked you up."

"Fargo is not my boyfriend!"

Pete stuck out his tongue. Claudia must have sensed it because she whirled on him. Pete looked away just in time to avoid getting caught, but Claudia didn't look very satisfied with what she saw.

"We'll need to go to Global Dynamics," Artie said. "While we were on the plane I worked on getting security clearance for you all. Some of you were pretty easy to work on. Others?" He looked into the rearview mirror at Zim. "Not so easy."

"What?" Zim said.

"Nothing!" Artie yelled.

Fucking asshole. Zim picked up his phone, but he didn't do anything. Casey glared at him while cleaning a rifle. He didn't even look down at his work. His hands knew what they needed to do.

Artie turned the SUV off the main road onto a path that led to a bridge that was chained off. It looked like it had been washed out. There was no way to pass over it. Yet Artie still kept driving at the same speed.

"Uh, dude," Zim said. "The bridge is closed."

Artie laughed, and it was a terrible thing to hear. "Not to us!" He sped up.

"No!" Zim screamed. "You're going to kill us all!"

Even Casey seemed wound a little tight, but the others in the SUV seemed to be going with it. Mulder squinted his eyes and turned slightly away from the windshield.

"Stop him!" Zim yelled. He lunged forward to grab the wheel, but Casey yanked him back and slapped a hand on Zim's shoulder, keeping him in place.

"You can't be serious!" Zim yelled. "He's going to get us killed!"

"This is his territory," Casey said. He spoke through clenched teeth, and he still didn't look convinced. "The eggheads are usually right in these cases. I'll trust in them."

The SUV ripped through the chain . . . but it didn't. The chain was still there, they just passed through it like it was a hologram. The bridge blinked out, and they found themselves approaching a giant building. It looked like it housed offices. Or maybe it was another warehouse?

A police car was parked across the road, and a police woman stood in front of it with a clipboard. Holy shit, she was hot, too! Zim had never wanted to fuck so many women at the same time. He felt like his brain was about to short circuit.

The police woman held up a hand, and Artie stopped. She walked around to the driver's window, which Artie lowered. "Hello, Officer Lupo."

The woman smiled. "Artie. Long time, no see. Hey Claudia!"

Claudia grinned and waved. Then she sobered. "We're looking for Fargo, Jo."

Jo Lupo tipped her hat back and sighed. "We all are. The trouble is, we're finding too much of him. That's why we're letting no one in."

"Great," Claudia said. "Growth ray?"

"No. Cloning machine."

"You mean, there's more of that guy?" Pete said. He did not look happy.

"Oh yeah," Lupo said. "There's a lot of him. Jack's working on finding the real one, but it's really hard, especially since they all think they're the real one. Henry thinks he's rigged up a device that might be able to detect the real Fargo, but who knows?"

"I hate that there's even one Fargo," Artie muttered.

Claudia lightly punched his shoulder. "He's not that bad."

"You could be right," Pete said. "Fargo's probably worse."

"We're on kind of a tight schedule, here," Artie said. "Fargo, uh, borrowed something from Warehouse 13, and we really need it back ASAP."

"That's not gonna happen," Lupo said. "We're going to be here for a while."

"Ah shit. You know what that means." This came from a newcomer to the group. They'd met when Claudia brought him up from the bowels of Warehouse 13. His name was Steve Jinks, but the others insisted on calling him Jinksy.

"We have to bring in one of the operatives we keep on retainer," Artie said to everyone else. "He has a very special superpower."

"No one has superpowers," Zim said. At least, he didn't think so. He'd seen some weird shit, though.

"A lot of us Warehouse agents have powers," Pete said. "For example, I get vibes."

"And I can tell when someone's lying," Jinksy said.

"And our operative can see the future," Artie said.

Zim's guts went cold, and he had a horrible suspicion. "Does he need to do anything to see the future?"

"This guy's a card," Pete said. "Yeah, he's got to be blind stinking drunk. His name is—"

"NO!" Zim yelled. "Don't tell me it's Future Booze Jesus!"

The Warehouse agents glanced at each other. Pete said, "How did you know? Do you have a superpower?"

"No, just rotten fucking luck," Zim said.

"Get me Future Booze Jesus!" Artie yelled. "Have a handle of Wild Turkey 101 waiting for him on the plane!"

"Oh fucking fuck," Zim muttered.

TO BE CONTINUED . . .