Chapter Eight: CRACK ENDING
Author's Note:
I was going to end this story after chapter seven, but some of the readers really wanted to see Hisashi redeemed, and Speedscanner offered a great cracky idea on how that could happen. Not to spoil anything, but the suggestion was both hilarious and exactly the karma Hisashi deserves. This chapter is dedicated to you, Speedscanner. Credit to Ashura_Akuma as well for proposing some of the ideas I used.
Consider this one possible AU splitting off from chapter seven, in an extra good ending where everyone escaped and Hana was able to convince Tomura to leave Hisashi.
P.S. This story now has as many different endings as it does actual chapters. I love fanfiction because I can get away with stuff like that.
It was losing Tomura that had done it.
Hisashi Midoriya's last remaining family member had snuck off during the middle of the night. Tomura had left behind a long note detailing the arguments that had convinced him they'd been wrong to keep the selkies from their pelts. He'd finished: I hope something in this letter got through to you. I'm truly grateful to you for taking me in as a child, Dad. I'll keep checking my old email. If you ever come to understand why you were wrong, then I'd be happy to forgive you, and I'd try to persuade the others, too.
Immediately, Hisashi had thrown the letter to the floor and contacted security, then his underground contacts. But Tomura understood his father's business too well and had already erased all traces of his tracks.
Very late that night, Hisashi had gotten drunk, a loss of control he rarely allowed himself. But he'd never seen this coming from Tomura. He'd believed a fellow human would understand the need to protect selkies from their addiction to the sea. This just went to show that he should never, ever trust anyone. Also, it was going to be such a pain for him to figure out how to control someone who didn't have a pelt to use to order him around. Clearly Tomura had no one to blame but himself if he ended up in the bank vault in the basement.
The next day, Hisashi had emailed Tomura pretending to apologize and trying to obtain information on his family's location. Tomura hadn't believed a word of it. But he kept replying to the messages, which was more than could be said for Hisashi's wife, brother, and youngest son.
If only Tomura would agree to some form of voice communication, then Hisashi could hire a magic-user with skill in hypnotism, but he'd kept stubbornly refusing. Hisashi almost felt a little proud of his boy, who'd grown so much more skilled at detecting manipulation. But mostly he just felt increasingly angry and perhaps a little afraid he'd never see his family again.
This desperation led Hisashi to a shady deal with a pair of married witches living outside town.
Hisashi stared at the two clear bottles before him. One potion was green and smelled like used socks. The other liquid was neon-purple and frothed and bubbled.
A grey-haired witch with her hair pulled back into a bun smiled subserviently. "The potions are ready as requested, sir."
Her frumpy black dress and clichéd pointy hat made him question her judgement, and her cheery customer service voice grated on his ears. Hisashi forced himself not to say something sarcastic, not until he had what he wanted. "Does it matter what order I drink them in?"
"Yes! Don't touch the purple one!" A second witch rushed out of the kitchen. White hair fell in wild curls around her pockmarked face. She touched the green potion. "This one will awaken the latent magic inside you. You must take it first." She pointed to the purple potion. "That one will imbue you with the power of a siren. The most persuasive creature in existence, said to even be able to charm the winds."
Hisashi's fingers drummed on the table. "Doesn't the magic of sirens rely on voice communication? I'd ideally like to be able to charm someone over the written word. Namely…email?"
"Ooo, email is tricky." The first witch shook her head. "Technology and magic don't mix well. Luckily for you, my darling is a potions genius."
The white-haired witch flushed, pressing her wrinkled hands to her cheeks. "You flatter me, dear heart."
"I only speak the truth." The other witch pecked her wife on the lips.
Ugh, this public display of affection was making him nauseous (and certainly not jealous because it reminded him of happier days with Inko, no matter how his heart panged). Given the ridiculous amount of money he was paying them, he deserved their undivided attention. Hitting the table harder, Hisashi snapped, "Can you help me or should I take my business elsewhere?"
The two witches jerked apart, one nervous and the other annoyed.
Twisting her hands, the white-haired witch said, "I'm currently brewing a third potion for that. If you can provide me with the DNA of whoever you want to bewitch, then I'll use it to temporarily increase the range of your persuasive abilities. But you'll have to wait a few days because it's risky to take too many potions in a row—"
"I have hair," Hisashi interrupted. Tomura used to shed all around the house like a cocker spaniel. "If there's a time delay, then best to get this over as quickly as possible." He picked up the green potion, pinched his nose, and downed it in one gulp.
The air around him warped and blurred. White fur sprouted all over his body. His nose elongated into a snout and whiskers shot out as he fell forward onto all fours. The two witches barely had time to glimpse a large albino seal with angry red eyes before he vanished.
"Oh, dear." The white-haired witch wrung her hands. "I should have asked if he had selkie heritage…"
"You're not to blame, darling!" The grey-haired witch flushed with indignation. "He grabbed the potion before you had time to run through your usual checklist of questions about health conditions and magical background. If that grump hadn't been so impatient, we would have explained to him that a magic-enhancing potion risked activating any creature heritage he might have recessive genetics for. This is all his fault."
The white-haired witch bit her lip. "That man was someone important, wasn't he? Do you think his people will come looking for him?"
The two wives stared at each other in silence, both considering how Hisashi Midoriya's minions would be unlikely to accept that it had all been their boss' own fault.
Brightly, the grey-haired witch said, "You know how my great-great-aunt Baba Yaga has been pestering us to visit her in Siberia? Now might be the perfect time for a nice, long vacation."
Izuku swam alongside Toshinori's boat in seal form. The warm summer water felt great against his fur. He spotted a large blue fish dart between the plankton.
Surfacing, Izuku raised his snout and barked.
"You found fish?" Toshinori called, a broad grin on his face. A straw hat cast shadows over his lean cheeks.
Izuku barked again, then dove. Toshinori turned the boat to follow him.
Upon finding the school of fish, Toshinori laughed. "Thank you so much, Izuku! You're the perfect fisherman's helper!"
Izuku based in the praise, doing a little flip in the water. As Toshinori cast his net, Izuku helped nudge it in the right direction.
"This will be a wonderful catch. Thank you, my boy." Toshinori petted the seal head poking out of the water.
Izuku felt glad he had fur to hide his blush. He leaned into the touch. Toshinori had a natural gift for scratching under the ears. The fisherman was careful not to touch with his full palm, knowing that would remove Izuku's pelt.
After they'd finished for the day, Toshinori lowered a plank to let Izuku waddle back into the boat. Izuku expressed his gratitude with a head bump.
Toshinori chuckled. He always seemed to understand Izuku even while in seal form. "I should be the one thanking you."
In this case, Izuku disagreed. Toshinori had done so much for their family. He'd fed and clothed them out of his own pocket. He'd helped Uncle and Mom obtain fake identification. He'd enrolled Izuku in high school. They'd warned him that he was risking the wrath of the richest man in Japan, yet he'd helped them anyway. After Tomura and Hana had shown up, he'd taken them in with the same open heart. In all that time, he'd never once asked for anything in return. In Izuku's eyes, Toshinori was his hero.
Izuku leapt on Toshinori and nuzzled him, determined to show his appreciation.
"Aw, you're so precious," Toshinori crooned. He waved his hands, not daring to touch, as the seal pup glomped him.
Finally, Izuku barked three times, their signal that he wanted to return to human form. Toshinori picked up a long raincoat, then touched his head.
As Izuku's human body fell out of his pelt, Toshinori immediately wrapped the coat around him.
"Thanks, Dad," Izuku said. Then he turned crimson from the roots of his hair to his neck. How had that accidentally slipped out? He'd called a teacher "Mom" before, but that hadn't happened in years. Waving his hands, he stammered, "I'm so sorry!"
"No need to apologize, my boy." Toshinori blushed every bit as brightly. "If anything, I'm happy, really. You can call me whatever makes you comfortable. I didn't have any family before yours came into my life. I'm grateful."
"No, no, we're the ones who are grateful. You've done so much for us."
"I'm only doing what any decent person would."
The two kept blushing, both unable to meet each other's eyes.
That evening, Izuku sat at the kitchen table working on his homework. He missed having a desk, a little, but given how many new people had been crammed into Toshinori's house, he had no right to complain.
He nibbled on a chip while staring at his history essay. The phone rang. Welcoming the break, Izuku leapt up and answered. "Hello?"
"Izuku, is that you?" Mr. Torino's voice came from the phone. "Is your mother or uncle around? I need their help with a rather difficult seal."
Sorahiko Torino ran the local seal rescue and rehabilitation center. He was an old friend of Toshinori's. He'd offered Mom and Uncle jobs after he saw how they could make the most frightened seal immediately turn docile and allow its injuries to be treated. Izuku had long suspected Mr. Torino knew more than he said—he never questioned his new employees' lack of work history or tendency to bark at seals.
"Sure, I'll go find them." Izuku tucked the phone under his chin as he walked. "What's the situation?"
"A very strange one." Mr. Torino sounded grumpy, but then he always sounded like that. "We found an albino seal wandering around downtown. Not the faintest clue how the creature got so far from the ocean, you understand. He's a mean one, and I have the bites to prove it. I'm thinking about sending him over to your place."
Toshinori had built a rehabilitation pool for seals in the basement of his house. He was a major funder for the seal rescue center and also volunteered there in his spare time. By registering his pool as part of the center, he'd obtained the correct permits to bring back seals he found injured during his work and give them medical treatment. This wasn't the first time Mr. Torino had sent over a particularly bad-tempered seal to get help from the selkies currently in residence.
Izuku pushed open the basement door. His uncle hummed as he cleaned the indoor pool. Uncle had gotten all of his memories back now except his name. He seemed to have some sort of mental block around that one. He'd told Izuku that he hoped it wasn't because he had a particularly stupid name.
"Hey, Uncle!" Izuku waved. "We have a call from Mr. Torino. He found an albino seal."
As his uncle ran over, Izuku turned on speakerphone.
Mr. Torino's voice blared out. "It's a very peculiar situation. The seal seems to be afraid of water, sinks like a stone, and refuses to eat raw fish."
"That's unbelievable. A seal who can't swim?" Uncle shook his head.
"We think he might be mentally handicapped…ow!" After scuffle, Mr. Torino returned to the phone. "He's grumpy, too. No outward sign of injuries, but I'm worried about how he won't eat. I coaxed him to swallow a bit of cooked fish. The snooty seal wouldn't even touch the food unless it was on a plate first! I've never seen such a picky animal."
"Cooked…? Maybe someone was keeping him as a pet." Uncle tapped his chin.
"That would explain why we found him downtown and why he can't swim. Absolutely disgraceful, abusing an animal like that. I'm worried that he'll never be able to live in the wild again, but your family has a knack for working miracles with seals." There was a knowing note in Mr. Torino's tone. Izuku became even more certain that he knew.
"We're happy to help," Uncle said.
"I'll drive him over. I'm eager to get the ornery bastard off my hands. I know you live by the beach, so you should make sure to keep him inside. He freaks out at the sight of the ocean. Yes, I know, it's ridiculous."
"A seal who's afraid of the ocean? That sounds like my brother," Uncle muttered.
Izuku snorted. Covering the phone, he said, "That's funny, but you know it can't be true."
"Yeah, I know." Uncle laughed.
The very instant Mr. Torino left, Uncle pointed at the albino seal sitting on the tiled floor by the pool and screamed, "That is my brother! Just look at the malevolent look in his eyes!"
Izuku took a harder look at the large seal with a sleek, pure white pelt. He looked muscular, and his crimson eyes had an alert look in them. "Funny joke, but I wonder if he might be a selkie. He acts like he can hear us. But wouldn't Mr. Torino have accidentally taken his pelt off already?"
"Let me try." Toshinori stepped forward and patted the seal on the head. He leapt backward as the seal snapped at him. "The pelt doesn't come off."
"I'm not joking. I don't know how it could be possible, but that's him." Uncle backed away.
Inko barked inquisitively at the seal. He turned and nuzzled her, making soft sounds. Except, having learned seal language, Izuku knew everything coming out of his mouth was gibberish.
Echoing his thoughts, Inko said, "The poor thing doesn't even know how to talk. Definitely raised in isolation as a pet or an attraction." The seal cuddled up to her. "He's friendly to me but not Toshinori—do you think he might have been abused by a man? Poor baby."
The seal latched onto Inko's sleeve possessively. Izuku started to get a strange feeling. This seal remined him a whole lot of his father. It didn't make any sense, but he needed to be certain. And he knew just how to test it.
Izuku pointed at Toshinori. "Hey, Mr. Yagi said I could call him 'Dad' from now on. If anyone has any objections, speak now or forever hold your peace."
The albino seal went insane, growling and lunging at Toshinori. Unfortunately for him, he didn't know how to walk any more than swim, so he just beat his tail against the ground.
"Holy shit! That's Hisashi!" Inko leapt up and fled from the seal at top speed.
Four people stared at the angry seal.
Izuku was the first to speak. "Were you secretly a selkie all along, Dad? No, wait, that doesn't explain why you can't change back."
"It must be a spell. He has a lot of magical contacts," Uncle growled. "I bet he was trying to do something nasty to us, and it backfired."
The seal tried and failed to look innocent. He squirmed in Inko's direction.
She snatched a pair of pliers off the medical table and waved them. "Don't you dare come near me!"
The seal—or rather, Hisashi—sat back down with a sad whine. His whiskers drooped. It was almost enough to make Izuku feel sorry for him. Almost.
"What are we going to do?" Izuku asked.
The adults exchanged glances.
Inko wrung her hands. "What if he manages to get in contact with his people?"
Uncle snorted. "You have nothing to be afraid of there. The vast majority of people employed by my brother's business empire don't believe in shapeshifting seals. As for the minority of magical-savvy under his employ…they know full well that Hisashi isn't a selkie, and they also know he's looking for one." Uncle dropped to his knees. Red eyes met red eyes. "If Hisashi's people find a seal with a perfectly white pelt and oddly human mannerisms, they're going to think that it's me. And what do they have orders to do with me?"
Hisashi looked away.
"Lock me up and await further orders." Uncle's lips peeled back into a snarl. "Bet you wouldn't like being treated the same way you planned to treat me, would you, big brother?"
Hisashi snorted. It was an oddly human sound. Izuku's father did that when someone had scored a point against him and he didn't want to admit it.
Letting out a breath, Inko said, "I suppose this might be a good thing. He can't hunt us down while he's stuck like this. We could even send him off to another seal rescue and never see him again."
Hisashi whimpered pitifully.
Uncle sighed and stood up. "We could, but even after everything, I could never be so cruel as to ditch my brother with people who thought he was an animal."
"You're right," Inko said, although she didn't sound happy about this.
"On a more practical level, I think we'll want him where we can see him in case this spell wears off," Izuku said. If his dad turned back into human, now he knew where they lived. It wasn't a thought he wanted to share with his mother already looking close to tears, but someone had to think it.
"Do you want to help him turn back to normal?" Toshinori asked.
Uncle said, "Not particularly, but even if I did, I haven't the faintest idea how."
From Hisashi's angry thrashing, he had a few ideas where to start, but he couldn't communicate them. He tried to use a flipper to make a shape on the ground. But he didn't have the coordination. He flopped sideways, growling.
Now Izuku did feel sorry for him. He ventured close enough to give his father a pat. "It's not all bad, Dad. There are fun aspects to being a seal."
This earned him a look of extreme skepticism.
The first battle centered around food.
Izuku entered the basement to find his uncle glaring at Hisashi. Three plates of fish lay on the floor. Uncle waved his hands. "What more do you want from me? I brought salmon, tuna, and flounder, I seasoned them all differently, I cooked them and removed the bones. I know you never liked fish. If you could eat a katsudon, I'd bring you one. But you're a seal!"
Hisashi barked angrily.
"Stop fussing, you know it's true! You can't eat human food—it will make you sick. Won't you just try a bite? Your current taste buds might like it." Uncle turned to face Izuku, his eyes weary. "I'm probably receiving karma, and it's not fair. He's the one who deserves karmatic retribution, not me. I swear, he's probably refusing to eat to spite me."
"No. He's hunger-striking because he wants something."
"To be changed back, of course, but I can't do that! He's head-butted me enough times to figure out that touching me won't remove his pelt. I don't have any more idea than he does about how to un-stick him."
"I brought something to communicate." Izuku held up a crayon large enough to be gripped in a seal's mouth and a big stack of paper.
The dripping ruined quite a few sheets, but eventually Hisashi managed to get across the names of two witches and indicate he held them responsible for his condition.
"We'll look into it, Dad, I promise," Izuku said. He did not promise to hand over any cure he found, because it wasn't that easy. Izuku lacked the cruelty to enjoy seeing his father like this. The rest of his family felt the same way. But if they let Hisashi go now that he'd found them, he could easily use his countless illicit and magical contacts to re-capture them. Even the law would protect him, since technically Inko had committed a crime by running off with their son. He'd destroy Toshinori, a nice man who'd done nothing but help their family. If a cure could be found, then it would need to be handed over with conditions, and they'd need to figure out a way to enforce them. But that was still a future hypothetical.
Red eyes bore into Izuku skeptically.
"You want proof? I don't know how to give it to you." Uncle threw up his hands. "It was your fault I got stuck as a seal. It would serve you right if I left you like this. But I'll still try to find a way to help you. You can believe me or not."
With a slow nod, Hisashi squirmed over to take a bite of fish.
Uncle muttered, "Your barking is largely incoherent, by the way. Your accent is so mangled you sound like a seal pup. At one point you called me a tasty fish, and then you said I had a sexy tail. I'll teach you how to speak if only to make it stop."
Late that night, Tomura crept down the stairs alone. He wet his lips. "Dad?"
Hisashi tried to squirm over. He'd yet to master the knack of seal galumphing, and instead mostly stayed in the same place.
Tomura ran over. "I'm here." He twisted a lock of wavy hair around his finger. Despite everything he'd learned leading him to run away from home, he still felt a deep debt toward his adopted father, who'd saved his life and given him his beloved family. Seeing Hisashi so weak made it hard to hold onto any anger. Tomura knelt down so they were nearly eye level. "I'm sorry you ended up like this, Dad."
Hisashi snorted as if to say he didn't require sympathy, he required an immediate solution to his problem.
"I got your hints that you wanted to meet me alone, but I don't have anything to tell you. Uncle did look into those witches like he promised, and they've fled the country. He wasn't lying to you. We contacted other magical practitioners, but they'd never heard of a human turning into a selkie. They laughed in our faces. Every single one said that you change a selkie into human form by touching their pelt. There's no other solution."
Hisashi growled.
"If you won't trust my words, then trust this: Mom and Uncle aren't a whole lot more thrilled to have you here than you are to be here."
Hisashi slumped down on the wet tiles, acknowledging the point.
"You could use this as an opportunity to reconcile with them…why are you making that face? Do you not want to as soon as you're not the one in control? I'm sorry, but you're kind of proving their point about you."
Hisashi waved a flipper as if hoping to move on from this topic.
"I got your message about contacting your employees, but—" Tomura scratched his neck, then grabbed his own hand to stop the bad habit. "You told all of them not to trust me after I left."
Hisashi barked.
"Your people are already hunting down the two witches. You don't need me to order something so obvious. Word on the street speaks about a massive bounty. I'll let you know if I hear about it being awarded." Tomura stood up. "But no, I'm not going to get in touch with anyone who works for you. They'd follow me straight back to my family."
Tomura still cared for his father, but he didn't want to become his puppet again, used to hurt the other people he loved. "I'm not angry at you, Dad, not like the others. But I don't trust you anymore."
Hisashi whined and lowered his head. The sad gaze made Tomura feel guilty. Especially from an adorable, wide-eyed seal.
But no one had more experience than Tomura at being manipulated by Hisashi. He raised an eyebrow. "Nice try."
The expression on the seal's face was a little proud.
Izuku put his hand in the bathtub to test the temperature. Just right.
He faced his father. "Come on, Dad. It's not healthy for you to stay out of water forever. Not in your current form."
A very stubborn albino seal stared back at him.
"I really do think it would make you happier if you learned how to swim. Don't you feel the call of the water?"
Hisashi made the single most sarcastic sound that had ever emerged from a seal's mouth.
"You don't need to be embarrassed. I only want to help you." Izuku forced a bright smile onto his face. "This will be our secret. We'll let everyone else think that you're a natural swimming genius. I won't tell anyone that you had to learn how to swim in a bathtub."
Hisashi fled toward the door as fast as he could manage—which was a pitiful crawl.
Izuku sighed and pulled out the big guns. "Dad, please. I've been so worried about you lately. You'd make me feel so much better if you let me help you." Fake tears spilled from his eyes.
Hisashi crawled back. A flipper patted Izuku on the back.
"Thanks," Izuku said cheerfully, and helped his dad into the tub before he could change his mind.
Swimming lessons…did not go well. Izuku told himself that it was only the first time. But he'd never seen a seal before with such poor coordination. To say nothing of how Hisashi yelped and thrashed every time the water reached his neck.
In short order, Izuku was drenched, Hisashi had splashed half the water out of the tub, and they both looked miserable.
"We'll try again tomorrow." Izuku sighed.
Uncle called, "Did something happen? I heard a noise like a burst water pipe."
Both Izuku and Hisashi went deathly silent.
This was the wrong reaction. Uncle cried, "Can you not answer? Are you hurt?" The door handle turned. Izuku had locked it, but his uncle could pick a lock in seconds.
Before anyone had time to stop him, Uncle poked his head inside. "What's wrong—?" His eyes fell on his brother. "Hahahahahahaha!"
Hisashi screamed in indignation, flailing. Unfortunately, he accidentally turned on the tub's hot jets.
As the water frothed over, Hisashi went into an absolute panic.
His uncle's laughter mingled with frantic seal squawks as Izuku tried to find the off switch.
"Hey, I'm back!" Hana called as she opened the front door.
Tomura leapt up from the couch and ran to greet her. "Hey, sis! How's college treating you?"
"My classes are fun, but I miss home cooking." Hana pecked her brother on the cheek. "That's why I'm back for the weekend."
"Not to see my handsome face?" Tomura pretended to pout.
Hana ruffled his hair. "You're quite handsome, but there's one face I'd like to see much more…your mom told me what happened." Her grin became wicked.
Tomura winced. "Don't taunt Dad, please. He's in a bad enough mood already."
Wearing an apron, Toshinori entered the room. "Great to see you, Hana. Dinner will be ready in thirty minutes. The casserole is in the oven."
"I'm a little early, then." Hana held out a bottle of wine. "I brought a present."
"That's very kind of you, Miss Ogata, although there was no need."
"Please, just call me Hana. You're like family to Tomura, and besides, I feel awkward being called by a fake last name. Now that a certain someone who must not be named got himself turned into a seal, do you think it would be safe to go by Shimura again?"
The effect of this name on Toshinori was instantaneous. His jaw slackened and all color faded from his face. He whispered, "You really do look like her…"
"Excuse me?" Hana peered at him.
Toshinori ran up the stairs and returned with a picture. It showed him as a teenage boy sitting on a boat. A black-haired woman with a beauty mark on her cheek had her arm around him. He asked, "Do you have any relationship to this woman?"
Hana gasped. "That's our deceased grandmother!"
"I thought it might be." Toshinori looked between them, a smile spreading on his face. "Nana would be so happy to see you two doing well…"
"My birth father would never speak of her," Tomura said, looking at his hands.
Hana patted the sofa. "Please, sit down and tell us how you know her."
"She was my mother." Toshinori wet his lips and twisted his hands. "Though I don't know if I have the right to call her that. I was nothing but a foster kid she took in, not her real child. Kotaro always said they only kept me around because they needed the government stipend after his father died."
"What's this real child nonsense?" Hana snorted. "If Grandma Nana adopted you, then you're our uncle."
"I'd like that." Toshinori flushed. "Nana always treated me as her own son. She taught me everything I know about fishing and ocean wildlife. One day, our boat got caught in a storm. I was thrown overboard. Nana grabbed a seal pelt out of a box and she changed. Before my eyes, she turned into a grey seal. She dove in after me and dragged me to shore, but she was hit by a piece of driftwood. When I held her in my arms, she changed back, but her injuries…it was already too late…" Toshinori covered his face with his hands.
"That's how you knew about selkies," Tomura whispered. "Is she the reason why you helped my family back when you first found them?"
Toshinori nodded. "I owe Nana everything, and I was selfishly easing my own conscience by taking you in."
Hearing this actually made Tomura feel relieved. He'd always been a little wary of Toshinori's kindness. Tomura knew it was unfair, but after how Hisashi had used him, he'd feared that any help must have strings attached. Why would Toshinori risk angering the most powerful man in Japan for a bunch of strangers? Now he knew the man's motives had always been pure.
"Our grandmother was a selkie?" Hana's eyes blazed. "Then why did Dad hate them so much?"
"Kotaro was born human, like his father. He always treated his mother's heritage as a shameful secret. After Nana died, he blamed me. He said he never wanted to see me again." Toshinori's shoulders sagged. "I met your mother, Nao, only briefly. I rescued her from a net and helped her establish a life on land. She viewed being a selkie as a curse and only wanted to be normal. Kotaro promised her the perfect human family she desired if she let him hide her pelt. She stopped contacting me after she married him."
"At least Mom wasn't always unhappy." Hana's shoulders slumped. "But I suspect Dad couldn't be trusted with the power of holding her pelt and being able to give her orders. He wasn't the trustworthy type."
"I don't want to talk about that." Tomura didn't want to remember the bad days. Aggressively, he lifted both Hana and Toshinori off the couch and dragged them into a group hug. "Welcome to the family, Uncle Toshinori."
Toshinori cried like Inko or Izuku.
Izuku carried two plates of food down to the rehabilitation pool. "I came to eat lunch with you, Dad."
Hisashi's tail wagged as he sat up. The family had filled the room with entertainment for him: a wide-screen TV with a stick he could use to press the remote, a radio, books on tape, and children's paints for drawing. Despite that, Dad looked gloomy. Izuku couldn't blame him—even though he liked being a seal, he still wouldn't want to be stuck that way.
Setting the plates down, Izuku sat cross-legged on the ground. "We brought you some lobster for a change of pace."
Hisashi attacked the dish with enthusiasm. He'd always had a fondness for expensive foods. He even made a happy sort of whaling sound.
The basement door slammed open with a force that rattled the hinges.
Inko ran down the stairs, a tiny seal pup in her arms. "Emergency! I found him injured on the beach. Izuku, pliers."
Izuku leapt to his feet to fetch them for her.
Inko placed the seal pup on a table. He had a plastic line wrapped around his neck, tight enough to draw blood. At first, he thrashed, but after Inko barked at him, he lay still.
Izuku handed his mother the pliers. Still barking at the pup, she cut the line from his neck. Izuku ran for the antibiotic cream and bandages.
After the pup was bandaged up, Inko's shoulders sagged in relief. She slumped down against the table, her eyes filling with tears. Izuku knew her well enough to recognize these were tears of exhaustion and relief.
Hisashi slid over to Inko and nuzzled her leg.
She shot to her feet and leapt away. "Izuku, would you help me get some dinner for our new patient?" She didn't look at her former husband. She treated the spot where he stood as if occupied by empty air.
Hisashi's head sagged. Although Uncle often insulted or teased Hisashi, Inko simply ignored him. Izuku could tell the latter reaction felt much worse for his dad. But he didn't blame his mom for it. Dad had earned this.
After the seal pup had been deemed healed, Izuku needed to make sure he could swim. Then he'd be ready to release into the wild.
Toshinori held Izuku's pelt as they walked down the stairs. Hisashi's head shot up at the sound, and he turned off his television. His barking was getting a bit more coherent.
Izuku stripped off his clothes and dipped his legs into the pool. Touching water would prevent him from being teleported to the ocean. Toshinori handed him his pelt. He slipped into his second form easily, falling on all fours at the side of the pool.
His father galumphed over and started grooming his fur. He seemed to take great pleasure in it.
After tolerating this for a while, Izuku shoved him off. He inclined his head at the seal pup, indicating he had work to do.
The seal pup raised his head at Hisashi hopefully, wanted to be groomed as well. Hisashi only snorted at him.
Izuku pointed a fin at the pool, a message in his eyes. You could join us in the water, too.
Hisashi's bark held an entirely human note of derision.
Izuku's snout sagged. He hated to see his father act depressed, and he was getting desperate to help. Unfortunately, none of his magical research had generated any results. He was convinced that if only Hisashi would get over his disdain for water, he'd start to see the upsides of the transformation, like Izuku had when he'd first changed.
"Shall I place a fish on the edge of the pool to lure the pup over?" Toshinori called, reminding Izuku of his task.
Diving into the water, Izuku resurfaced. Lured by the fish, the pup ventured into the water. They swam together. The pup seemed strong and healthy, now.
Izuku swam to the edge of the pool and bumped the back of Toshinori's hand.
"Aren't you just the cutest thing?" Toshinori scratched behind Izuku's ears. As long as he touched only with his fingers, not the palms of his hands, he wouldn't accidentally change Izuku back.
Izuku hummed in contentment.
A low, angry bark came from behind them. Hisashi charged over, his eyes blazing red. He slammed into Toshinori's back.
Izuku tried to say Dad, cut it out, but it came out as a bark.
"Yes, you're very cute, too." Toshinori petted Hisashi's head, oblivious to the murderous glare.
Izuku had better put a stop to this before his father went feral. He barked three times, demanded to be changed back.
As Izuku climbed out of the pool, Toshinori wrapped a towel over his shoulders.
A bark drew their attention. Hisashi held a towel in his mouth. His angry gaze demanded that Izuku put this one on, instead.
"Thanks, Dad." In an act of diplomacy, Izuku took both towels.
He still wished he'd been able to convince his father to try swimming. Then next they could take him to the ocean. In Izuku's opinion, the ocean was the best part of being a selkie. He just knew if he could lure his dad in, then he'd come to love it, too.
That gave Izuku an idea.
Toshinori turned the boat wheel. A spray of water carried over the railing.
"Doesn't the sea water smell lovely, Dad?" Izuku turned around. "Are you feeling any urges to swim yet?"
Sitting on top of a pile of cushions like a king, Hisashi snorted. Red eyes glared at his son as if to say he was only going into the ocean if pushed, and anyone who pushed him would later be made to pay for it.
In a folding chair, Inko read a magazine and pretended her ex didn't exist. Her presence had been the only thing to lure Hisashi aboard this boat ride. All attempts to bargain with food or entertainment had failed. Eventually, Izuku had agreed to bring his mother along and promised she'd speak three words to Hisashi.
Upon boarding the ship, Inko had said, "Hey, ass…hole," dragging out the last word to break it into two. Then she'd gone back to pretending Hisashi didn't exist. This might be part of why he looked so annoyed.
Desperate times called for desperate measures. Izuku put his plan of last resort into action.
He scrambled over the side of the rail and jumped in.
The cold water hit Izuku like a blow. Goosebumps prickled on his skin. His teeth chattered as he stuck his head above the surface. He cried, "Dad, I'm drowning!"
It was the single most bald-faced lie Izuku had told in his entire life. Selkies did not drown.
But Hisashi moved immediately, throwing himself over the side of the boat. He landed in a belly flop with a splash and a pained squawk.
As Izuku had known it would, seal instinct took over. Hisashi swam over in swift strokes as if he'd been doing it his entire life. His teeth fastened on Izuku's shirt.
"It was just a joke. But see? You knew how to swim all along." Izuku laughed. "You had nothing to worry about. Look, Mom and Toshinori knew I was just faking it all along."
From the boat, Toshinori cried, "Oh, no, my boy is drowning! Put on your pelt at once!" He tossed the pelt at Izuku's head.
Both of my dads are idiots, Izuku thought as he transformed. Although he'd need to apologize to Toshinori later for worrying him over nothing, it felt much better to be a seal. The water no longer felt as cold with his fur. He waved his flippers.
From the ship deck, Inko called, "No need to worry, he was just having a bit of fun with his father. Izuku, dear, you can go play."
Izuku barked happily. His mom got him.
Hisashi glared, unimpressed by the trick. Izuku winked and dove deeper, knowing his father wouldn't be able to resist chasing after him.
A school of tasty-looking fish swum past. Izuku ignored them, determined to take his dad to see his favorite local spot.
He led them to a beautiful coral reef. Blues, greens, yellows, and pinks gleamed as rays of light fell down from the surface. Izuku swam around an outcrop of rust-red coral growing in flat shapes like palm leaves. Little green fish scattered ahead of him. A blue starfish flopped on top of a brain-shaped coral. Yellow strands like hair waved on top of a tubular yellow organism.
Izuku cast a glance back at his father, hoping Hisashi would be moved by this beauty. The older seal only jerked his head back in the direction of the boat.
Stubborn as always. Two could play that game. Izuku pointed at a flat-looking yellow fish.
Hisashi inclined his head, as if granting his son permission to have a snack before he headed back.
Izuku shook his head. He pointed at the fish again, then at Hisashi.
His father recoiled at the notion that he might be expected to hunt down a fish like some sort of minimum wage worker.
Izuku made a mocking sort of growl and waggled his whiskers, daring his dad.
Making a grumbling noise, Hisashi chased after the fish. Just before he could pounce, it darted behind a coral with white limbs spreading like branches. It fled between the cracks in the reef, too small a space for him to follow.
Hisashi's eyes narrowed. Then he swam around the reef and sat very still, waiting. As soon as the yellow fish emerged from the other end of the reef, he lunged forward and swallowed it in one gulp.
With a happy bark, Izuku nuzzled his dad. This was the first time Hisashi had been willing to eat raw fish. He must have liked the taste, because he immediately chased after a school of silver fish with his mouth open.
Inwardly, Izuku grinned. He'd known his father would like hunting if he would just give it a try.
Once their bellies were full, the two of them floated up to the surface and lay on their backs, enjoying the sun. Hisashi put a flipper over his son and cuddled him.
Back on the boat, Izuku toweled himself off while Toshinori hovered over him and lectured him for being so reckless. Izuku didn't mind because he knew it came from a place of caring.
Inko watched Hisashi out of the corner of her eye as he settled back down on his throne of cushions. Finally, she said, "You did good, jumping in after Izuku. You were always a caring father—I can give you that much." She patted him on the head.
As soon as Inko's palm touched the top of his head, Hisashi transformed. He landed on all fours, dripping white hair falling over his eyes and a look of pure astonishment on his now-human face.
"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" Inko screamed, juggling the white pelt in her hands. "Get away from me!"
Hisashi immediately leapt to his feet and jogged backwards, the movements stilted enough to be obvious he was under the thrall of a magical command.
Still screaming, Inko balled up his pelt and threw it at his face.
Hisashi's mouth opened, trying to speak, but he changed too fast. As the pelt wrapped around him, he vanished.
Inko stared in horror at the empty space. "What did I do? Where did he go? What if he gets lost in the ocean and gets hurt?" She burst into tears.
Izuku put an arm around his mother. "It's okay. Dad can survive perfectly well as a seal, as he proved just now. He'll come back to us, because he'll want you to change him into a human again."
His mind was turning, trying to figure out what had happened. Inko shouldn't have been able to turn Hisashi back. Only a human could take off a selkie's pelt. Uncle and Izuku had been able to remove each other's pelts, because they were both part-human, but Inko had never been able to do it.
Why on earth had Hisashi changed back after touching her when none of their previous efforts had worked?
Sure enough, as soon as the boat docked, they found Hisashi waiting on the beach. Izuku wondered how he'd gotten back to land ahead of them.
As soon as Inko set foot on the sand, Hisashi raced toward her.
"Dad, calm down!" Izuku cried.
Inko screamed again as a massive seal bowled her over. Underneath his weight, she thrashed and cried out. Hisashi forced her palm to touch him.
He immediately turned back into a naked human. A wide grin spread across his fast. "Give me your jacket," he demanded of Toshinori as if ordering an employee.
Inko got to her feet, sand covering her back and her hair falling loose over her furious eyes. Holding up Hisashi's pelt, she ordered, "Don't try to run away. Get your ass to the basement until I decide what to do with you."
Izuku handed over a spare raincoat as his father was forced to walk away. "This is very unreasonable," Hisashi protested. "Can't we talk?"
"You'll get no sympathy from me," Izuku said. "We wouldn't have let you be stuck as a seal forever, I promise. You didn't have to jump on Mom and scare her like that." He planned to stick closely to his father, fully aware that Hisashi would now be scheming a way around his orders.
After the pelt had been safely locked away, the three adults—Toshinori, Inko, and Uncle—sat together around the oak dining room table for a family meeting.
"I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing," Toshinori said, twisting his hands.
Shaking a bit of sand out of her hair, Inko grumbled, "It's a good thing for him. For the rest of us, not so much. He knows where we live. It's a lucky thing I seem to be able to command him. Otherwise, we'd be forced to flee town. I'd hate to do that to Izuku; he loves his new high school and his new friends."
Uncle said, "It's wonderfully ironic, but do we have the faintest idea why Inko seems to be the only one who can change my brother back?"
"I've been thinking about that." Toshinori tapped the table. "Hisashi was first found downtown. Then after he changed the second time, he met us on the beach. When selkies transform, they're taken back to the sea, or sometimes another body of water if they change while touching it. I think that Hisashi is instead transported to land."
"Oh, interesting point." Uncle's eyes narrowed in concentration. "So he's some kind of weird reverse selkie. He ends up on land, not sea. A human can't remove his pelt, but a selkie can. That would explain why it never worked for me or Izuku: because we're part human and we can remove selkie pelts, the reversal spell won't let us take off Hisashi's. Only Inko can." He inclined his head at her. "That gives you a lot of power."
Inko said, "I wonder if you and Izuku would be able to command him."
"Well, we've never been able to command each other," Uncle said. They'd tested it out a few times, out of curiosity. "So probably, yes. If we follow the same chain of reasoning that my brother is a reverse selkie, then humans can't give him orders, only selkies—and part-selkies—can."
Inko rubbed her slightly red eyes. "That gives us a way out of this situation. We can command him not to chase us or try to capture us. Then we can boot him out of the house and never see him again."
"I like the idea, but it's risky," Uncle said. "What if he can fight off commands? I always had a better chance of breaking an order the more strongly I wanted to. Hisashi really, really doesn't want to leave us alone."
"What if we erased his memories? Made him forget that we even exist?" Inko asked. "If he doesn't know the command is there, that would stop him from fighting it. Speaking from personal experience." Bitterness leaked into her voice.
"That would work. But…" Uncle hesitated. His shoulders slouched down. "I have a bad feeling that making my brother forget that he ever had anyone who loved him might make him even worse. And I'm just not cruel enough to do that to him."
"Me, neither." Inko sounded surprised to hear herself say this. "Even though he never hesitated to tamper with my memories. Even though it would serve him right." Tears stung the corners of her eyes. Uncle patted her on the back.
Toshinori cleared his throat. "I don't think that plan would work, anyway. You're forgetting that he must have a tether attached to his pelt. He can't get too far away from it. So we either have to give him back his pelt, in which case all commands on him will vanish, or at least one selkie needs to stay near him at all times."
Both Inko and Uncle paled. "You mean we're stuck with the bastard?" Uncle screamed, expressing what everyone was thinking.
When Hisashi entered the dining room, he wore a black suit borrowed from Toshinori's closet. He'd rolled up the cuffs and sleeves to fit his slightly shorter frame. The tie hung loose and messy around his neck.
He flashed Inko and Uncle a winning smile, ignoring Toshinori. "It's about time you let me speak to you. You're worrying about nothing. I've concluded that there are positive aspects to being a selkie as well as negative ones, so I'm now willing to assist you in transforming back and forth as you desire."
This "generous" proclamation was not met with the enthusiasm he'd no doubt hoped for.
"Willing, huh?" Inko raised an eyebrow. "You don't have the power here."
Uncle slouched down in his seat and played Candy Crush on his phone. He stabbed the screen aggressively, as if making a show of how little he cared about what his brother had to say.
Hisashi sighed. "My therapist also informed me that it would be a nice gesture to let you keep your pelts in a location I don't know about. See? I've been making progress."
Inko snorted. "I can't return the favor—you're not getting your pelt back."
Glancing up, Uncle glared. "Oh, so you've been chasing us down relentlessly so you can tell us that you've gotten less controlling?"
"Yes, exactly."
"Go back to therapy! You missed the whole point!"
"My therapist kept telling me we weren't done yet, but I assumed this was just to rook me for more money."
Uncle played Candy Crush and ignored his brother even more pointedly.
Hisashi sighed. "Look, after spending some time as a seal, I understand better what you love about the ocean and why you need both forms. I really have changed. You know it's not easy for me to admit I made a mistake. Can't you cut me a break?"
Uncle snapped, "Actually, it's extremely easy to admit you made a mistake. Want to see me do it? I made a mistake when I trusted you enough to come back after I found my pelt the first time. You know what's difficult? Escaping from a bank vault."
Toshinori cleared his throat. "Your anger is understandable, but I think we need to deescalate this. Mr. Shigaraki, after a discussion among the three of us, we've decided that we need a little time to come up with loophole-proof language to use to command you. Then we'll allow you to return to your normal life. One of the selkies will hold your pelt at all times, which entails following you around since you can't get too far from it. We apologize for the inconvenience, but after certain past actions of yours, we believe our caution is justified."
"All that fussing and running away, and now you're the ones insisting on staying close by my side?" Hisashi laughed. "I can see the benefits."
Uncle slammed his phone down on the table too. "Maybe you should consider the downsides, too." A hard look entered his eyes. "As long as I have your pelt, I can boss you around exactly as you did to me. Would you like to give away all your money to charity? Do you want to have a bedtime from now on?"
Hisashi recoiled.
Uncle said, "I could do all of that…but fortunately for you, I'm going to be the bigger man. I won't do anything to you when it's my turn with the pelt. I just want you to know that I could have treated you the way you treated me." He slouched out of the room with his hands in his pockets. Toshinori followed after him.
Inko lingered behind. Her gaze fell on her husband. A mocking smile formed on her lips. She said, "I was going to be the bigger man too…but then I realized I'm a woman!"
Hisashi paled at the malicious look on her face.
That evening, Hisashi stood at the counter, doing dishes. Only the jerkiness of his motions betrayed his anger.
Inko lounged at the table, eating potato chips. She said, "I don't know what you're so upset about. You used to do the dishes back home, whenever we sent the staff away for a romantic weekend." She crunched a potato chip. "Or is it because I ordered you? Do you think maybe it feels bad when someone forces you to do something, even when you would have done it willingly if they'd only asked?"
Hisashi ground his teeth.
Inko said, "You look like you have something to say. It's almost like it feels terrible when you want to argue with someone, but then they use a magical compulsion to stop you from speaking! Who would have thought it?" She clapped her hands. "Whoa, you're learning so many new and useful lessons today!"
A strangled sound emerged from Hisashi's throat as his hands kept scrubbing dishes.
Izuku's head snapped up at a knock on his door. He suspected who it was. It took a moment for him to compose himself and call, "Come in."
Hisashi pushed open the door. "I came to ask if you needed help with your homework. Is your current school advanced enough for you? I doubt it, your mother couldn't have afforded a very expensive one. Oh, and we can restart your environmental video channel now, I'll help you with the red tape."
"I like my new high school. Everyone treats me like a normal kid instead of sucking up because I'm your son." Izuku took a deep breath. "We can't just pretend everything's gone back to normal. I'm still angry at you."
Hisashi's shoulders sagged. "You are? You seemed to have gotten over it…"
"I wasn't going to express my anger when you were stuck as a seal. It would have been cruel."
"There are advantages to being weak?" Hisashi looked fascinated. "I must ponder the implications of this."
Izuku growled, "You lied to me about who I was, you commanded Mom against her will, and you tried to do it to me, too. I can't just sweep all of that under the rug, especially when you haven't even apologized."
"If I did, would you forgive me?" Hisashi asked.
Izuku hesitated. He'd asked his mother if it would upset her if he forgave Dad. She'd looked sad, then said: I'd never try to stop you from having a relationship with your father, no matter what happened between the two of us. But at the same time, I'm not sure if I believe his claims to have changed, so I don't know if it would be the best decision. I think you have to decide for yourself.
It would have been easier if she'd told him what to do. Now he had to balance between his rage at the unforgivable and his desperate desire to have his father back.
Izuku said, "You don't get to trade an apology. That would make it insincere. But if you wanted to say you were sorry, it would be a good start."
His father hesitated, then spoke.
Salty wind whipped at Inko's face as she sat on the beach and read a book on her phone. It irritated her to no end that as soon as he'd decided he liked swimming in the ocean, Hisashi kept pestering her to return his pelt. Of course, as the only person who could change him back into a human, she always had to go along on these excursions. Remembering all the times she'd been denied the ocean, she'd been tempted to refuse. But as soon as her son turned his puppy eyes on her, Inko became putty in his hands.
Her phone buzzed with a text. Is my brother being insufferable?
Inko's eye twitched. She texted back, Oh, yes, he keeps bringing me amber and bits of colorful coral and even fish. As if I don't know how to hunt my own damn fish. He still thinks he can buy his way back…
Before Inko could finish, the devil himself arrived. Hisashi galumphed up the beach, his red eyes gleaming and something in his mouth. It was unfair that Hisashi as a seal looked adorable. The simple reality was that anyone who turned into a seal would look cute, no matter how evil they might be inside. There was no such thing as a malicious-looking seal.
Steeling her heart, Inko reached for a water gun. "I told you to leave me alone or I'd squirt you."
Hisashi stopped a couple paces away and opened his mouth to reveal three pearls. Dropping them, he rolled them on the sand toward her. His tail wagged. His eyes enlarged.
Inko just couldn't bring herself to spray such cuteness. She lifted her nose in the air. "I told you that you weren't buying your way back into my affections this time."
Hisashi barked.
In spite of herself, Inko laughed. "Your accent has gotten much better, I admit, but that doesn't make any sense. What do you mean, I have a sexy tail? I'm currently human! I don't even have a tail at all!"
Hisashi nuzzled her hand, slipping into his human form. As she caught his pelt before it hit the sand, he grabbed a towel off the folding table next to her.
Winking, Hisashi said, "I didn't mean you. I said that I have a sexy tail." Then he sashayed off in a way he knew full well showed off his butt.
Grumbling under her breath, Inko shoved Hisashi's pelt into a briefcase. "He hasn't changed a bit. I need an extra case to carry around his ego. Gotta admit…he does have a nice tail, though."
Izuku knocked on the door. "Hey, do you two have a moment?" From inside the family room came the sounds of a video game. He didn't think his brother or uncle had heard him.
Muttering, Hisashi brushed past him and flung open the door. "Gather your things, you two! We're going to the beach!"
"Yeesh, I should have guessed you'd be as obsessive about this as you are about everything else." Eyes on the screen, Uncle pressed his controller. "We're in the middle of something."
"Yeah, I need some support to clear this level." Tomura's fingers danced, then he grinned in triumph.
"You're coming along too, Tomura," Hisashi said. "This is a family excursion. Inko is already packing. Someone has to help the selkies return to human form after we're done."
Without turning around, Tomura said, "I don't see where I'd be getting anything out of that."
"If you don't come along, it has to be Toshinori." Hisashi's face indicated what he thought of that.
"Still not seeing the benefit to me personally, Dad." Tomura kept playing.
"Hmm…double your monthly allowance?"
"That's tempting," Tomura admitted. "Just give me fifteen minutes or so to—"
"Too late, you already agreed, we're leaving now." Hisashi turned off the television.
"Daaaaaaaaaaaaad!" Tomura shrieked. "I hadn't saved!"
Uncle threw his controller on the ground. "I never even agreed to come."
"Nonsense, you love the ocean, I'm sure you'll have a great time." Hisashi dragged his brother toward the door.
"Dammit, the karma bus continues to hit the wrong person," Uncle groaned. He made pleading eyes at Izuku.
Izuku declined to get involved. This trip had been his idea, after all. He'd never thought his family would be able to reach the point of all going to the ocean together. Now he had this happy ending, he was going to enjoy it to its fullest.
OMAKE TIME!
Omake: FYI, Torino Totally Knew About Nana
Fuyumi: Hi, my class of students is here to see the seals. Whoa, is that an albino seal? How beautiful!
Torino: Keep the kids away from that one. He's mean.
Fuyumi: Seals are gentle creatures who would never harm a human without provocation.
Torino: This one would.
#
Omake: Shouto Attends the Same High School as Izuku and They Immediately Became Friends
Shouto: Izuku, there's something strange about the latest seal your family rescued.
Izuku: Many things are wrong with him, I'm sure. What did he do this time?
Shouto: When my hand accidentally brushed yours during our study session, he shot me the most murderous look. It nearly gave me a heart attack. Then I'm pretty sure he pushed my backpack into the pool in revenge, though I can't prove it.
Izuku: (Sighs.) I'll talk to him…uh, I mean, I'll handle it.
Shouto: He seems way too intelligent to be a seal. Especially his eyes…they're just like your uncle's. I've been thinking about how your dad ran off.
Izuku: That is the story I told you, yes.
Shouto: Have you ever heard of selkies?
Izuku: Yes, I've heard of those mythological beings who definitely don't exist.
Shouto: I think your new seal is actually your father.
Izuku: (Nervously) Ha-ha! How ridiculous!
Shouto: I've gathered evidence. I caught the seal reading a news article over my shoulder. I've seen your uncle bark at seals and I swear they talk back to him.
Izuku: You and your crazy conspiracy theories!
Shouto: I'm serious.
Izuku: I know, that's what worries me.
#
Omake: The True Punishment for Hisashi
Hisashi: Izuku, now that we're getting along again, will you stop hanging out with Toshinori to make me jealous?
Izuku: I genuinely view him as a father figure and no.
#
Omake: Hisashi's Body Remains His Best Romantic Asset, Because It Certainly Isn't His Personality
Tomura: Soooo…do you know what's going on with Mom and Dad? Dad says they're together again, and Mom says she's just using him for sex.
Izuku: Bro, I strongly suggest we stay out of that one. Leave the two of them to work it out.
#
Omake: Apex Predator
Izuku: Oh, no! Dad wandered off into shark-infested waters. We need to find him immediately!
First: I'd be more worried about the sharks.
Izuku: That's not funny.
First: I wasn't joking. My brother is definitely the most dangerous thing in the ocean.
Hisashi: (Dragging along a shark behind him.) Hey, look what I found while out swimming! We're going to have shark for dinner.
First: See, I told you so. Let's go back home so I can play video games.
#
Omake: Finally, a Name for First's Wikipedia Page
First: Big brother, now that you're human again, can you tell me what my name is?
Hisashi: You still don't know that?
First: It's very strange. I've remembered everything else. It's almost like there's some plot-convenient reason keeping me from knowing my own name. I've gotten very frustrated.
Hisashi: I can certainly solve that problem. Your name is *CENSORED.*
First: What a lovely name! I'm so happy to know it now.
Izuku: Truly, a great name. It's exactly suited for your personality and backstory. It even delivers some important information about your family background. No other name could possibly compare. It would look great on a Wikipedia page, if you had one of those.
First: I agree, it's so much better than all those other possible names I was imagining up for myself.
Izuku: I sure do feel sorry for people who still don't know that name. They're really missing out.
(The whole family laughs.)
Author's Note:
I wrote the last omake before I heard spoilers that the First's name will be revealed in Chapter 310. I'm not sure if that makes it more or less funny? It definitely makes the omake more ironic, since I'm not actually particularly thrilled with the name that became canon. (Why would the Shigaraki parents name their youngest son something meaning "First Son", were they asking for All for One to slaughter them and then turn to villainy?)
The end for real this time. Thanks to all the readers for sticking with me over this sea journey.