They sat down beside the large door sulking. They remained there until Abs Dumbledore walked down the hallway.

"Hello," he greeted. "Is he not there?"

"He's there," Hermione sighed.

"Hey," Ron said slowly. "Do you want to earn a little extra cash?"

"I don't like to agree with him, but I do. I will not teach you."

"'Him' being?" Harry asked.

"Albus Dumbledore," he spat.

"What's the animosity between you two?" Hermione asked, drawing an imaginary line with her finger, and tracing it back and forth.

Abs took a deep breath. "It was Monday morning. I was your age. I woke up early to do my breathing exercises. I would then run five miles in an hour, do fifty push-ups, seventy pull-ups, and a hundred sit-ups for my stretching routine. Then I would do cardio, and resistance training. With my morning smoothie in my hand, I went to collect my brother's Ariana cd.

"Did cds even exist when you were our age?" Hermione asked.

"He inherited it from our mother. I don't know why he didn't just give me the cd, he resented it. Later that day, I finished my morning workout, and I sat down to do some more stretching. Our weird neighbor, Gellert, came over because apparently someone had stolen his bike. He blamed my brother. As soon as Albus," he spat again, "came down the stairs, Gellert looked ready to ko him. They began fighting, right, and I was all, 'Guys watch out for the Ariana cd.' My brother couldn't be bothered to take it upstairs where it was safe. Their punches came really close to the cd. I stopped stretching and went to try and move the fight outside. Long story short I got involved and there were lots of fists. And then… I saw it… A stray punch hit the cd. It was gone before it hit the floor… It's all his fault!" He stood breathing heavily. "I've decided. I'm not going to deliver this note to him."

"What if it's important?" Harry asked as Abs turned on his heel.

"I already read it, of course. Just something stupid from McGonagall."

"Which one?" Ron asked. Abs didn't seem to hear him.

As hard as they tried, they couldn't learn to fight by themselves. They asked everyone they could, but they all stood with Dumbledore, even if some were reluctant to. They focused their efforts on Snape. While they watched him he might attack a stack of books or something and teach them a spell.

He didn't.

They had almost conceded that proving Snape to be a half-vampire was a lost cause when Sarita caught up with them in a hallway on the second floor.

"I've got two things to tell you," she said as she rushed towards them. "First, there hasn't been a larceny from Ravenclaw since last year and the other thing is something you really really want to know!"

"What is it?" Harry asked as they all stopped to listen.

"One of my sources states that Hagrid leaked some more symptoms of human Half-Vampirism," she said as she bounced on her toes.

"What are they?" Ron asked.

"They're fine if they touch garlic, but if ingested, it can make them quite ill."

"That makes sense," Hermione said.

"Their reflection can sometimes be blurry. They sunburn easily. And their ears tend to be a tad elfin."

"That's perfect," Harry exclaimed. "This all makes sense for Snape."

They all thought about it. It really did. With this new information, they launched their investigation. Starting with the main office, they interrogated the potential witnesses.

They swung open the door, blinds clanging against the window. The room was bustling with secretaries making copies and tapping on their computers. Professors went in and out of the room, traveling between the various doors.

"I think this is where the teacher's lounge is," Ron whispered as they approached the front desk.

"We need to get in there. Mud, you can pick the lock."

She shrugged and pulled a bobby pin from behind her ear. "M'kay."

As Hermione walked off to find the lounge, the front receptionist put her pen down and looked up. "Hi," she smiled.

"Hello," Harry began. "Have you ever seen Snape eat garlic?"

"Pardon?"

Ron joined in. "Have you ever seen his refection?"

"Does he ever pull back his hair to reveal elfin ears?"

She tapped her finger on the desk. "Professor Snape is not a vampire."

"Is that what he told you?" Ron asked.

"Professor Dumbledore told us to keep an eye on you three. Do I need to call him?"

"No need," Harry assured.

Ron smirked to Harry. "I got this," he whispered. He pulled his wallet from his pocket and leaned over the desk, making the receptionist pull her papers back towards her. He made a stack of pounds peek out of the leather fold wallet as his eyes met hers. "Sometimes words get stuck and need a little help. I'm Ron Weasley of RonCorp. As I'm sure you can tell, money is no object."

"I know who you are," she replied. It's funny, there was no trace of her original friendly smile.

He picked a ten-pound note out of the wallet and slid it on the desk. She didn't even look at it. Ron chuckled, but only through his nose. "Alright, alright. How about this?" He added a twenty-pound note. She fetched her pen and continued with her work. Ron didn't give up. "You drive a hard bargain." He added a fifty-pound note to the fire. And no, he didn't stop there. He took the rest of the money out of his wallet. "You can have it all if you tell us what you know."

Finally, she dropped the pen. "Professor Snape is not a vampire. And even if he was, we wouldn't know. He's a very private person. I've known him for over ten years and all I know is that he has a sister."

"A half-vampire sister," Ron added.

She was done. "Who should I call, Professor Dumbledore or your head of house?"

"Not Professor McGonagall!" Harry cried.

"McGonagalls are like a box of chocolates," Ron began. "You never know which one you're gonna get."

She picked up the receiver and hovered a finger over the buttons. "No! We'll go!" Harry shouted. She hung up the phone and the two students walked away.

"Snape probably has something on her," Ron suggested.

"Clearly," Harry nodded. "Now, where's Mud?"

They checked each door and found a large coconut-scented room with comfy couches, much comfier than the Gryffindor common room furniture. Colorful LED lights shined around other bright pieces of furniture and weird statues. Psychedelic patterns made up many fabrics of the room, and a minibar was in the corner. Several teachers were lounging inside, many feet on the coffee table or other furniture. Hermione, too, was relaxed on a couch near a tall potted plant. "Hey guys," she greeted, eyes half-closed and a wide grin. "I got intel," she informed, before sipping the tropical drink in her hand. It took a few moments, but they heard some faint Hawaiian music playing.

"Really?" Ron asked.

"Totally," she replied in a breathy tone.

"Mud, we've got to get you out of here. I think it's poisoning your brain."

"S'all good, Harry."

Ron looked around the room and saw that they had all melted into their seats. Similar expressions to Hermione. "She's not well."

They led her out of the room while Slughorn waved like a slow idiot. "Ta-ta," he said. The rest said similar goodbyes and then they were free from the room.

"You said you had intel?" Ron asked.

"Yeah," she nodded. "Hogwarts staff gets to take the train for free whenever they want."

"That's a good deal. Very convenient," Harry said.

"So, if Snape was going to leave," she began, "wouldn't it make sense for him to take the train? It's free."

"Definitely," Ron agreed.

"Then we can go to Hogsmeade station and see if they know where Snape goes."

And that's what they did. Taking the golf cart, they drove all the way to the station. They had passed through the little building many times before, but they had never stopped to take a look around. They moved in a huge pack. You couldn't see anything at eye-level from the moment you get off the train until you filter out to your tables in the cafeteria.

Once the person at the ticket booth was in sight, they all gasped. "Is that…" Harry stammered.

"No way," Ron gaped.

"Hat the Sorting Hat," Hermione breathed.

"Well I'm out," Harry decided. "No way I could get information out of him."

"Do you think he remembers us?" Hermione asked, pointing to herself and Ron. "Ron, was he one of the professors you drugged?"

"Uh…" He looked to the clouds. "I honestly can't remember. I drugged a lot of people."

"We can't take the risk. Mud, it's up to you. You're our best chance."

"Well…" Ron started in a high-pitched voice. "Is she?"

Hermione creased her forehead between the eyebrows. "I didn't drug him or make him quit."

"No, but you have a bad history with a lot of professors."

"That's true," she conceded after barely a second of thought.

Harry scratched his head. "So what do we do?"

They stared at each other, no convenient solutions coming to mind until Ron's eyes opened wide. "I know!" he exclaimed. Motioning Harry and Hermione into a huddle, he disclosed the plan. As this is Harry's point of view and he definitely heard it, I have no real reason not to tell you what Ron said, but I'm the one making the decisions here.

"You think it'll work?" Hermione asked.

He looked over to Hat and then back to the group. "It does on soap operas."

With that, they were on their way to the counter. At the mere sight of them, Hat unraveled. Head in his hands, they greeted him.

"Hello!" Harry waved.

"Not you," he plead.

"Oh! You must have me confused. I'm Parry, Harry Potter's secret twin."

"And we have an offer you can't refuse," Ron announced, taking out his wallet.

Hat peered through his fingers, lifting his head once he saw the money.

Hermione joined in. "We need answers."

As if Harry wasn't there, Hat smirked, realizing he had leverage. "Oh really?" he prompted, crossing his arms.

"Have you given tickets to Professor Snape?" Ron asked, slipping him a twenty.

"Professor Snape? I worked at Hogwarts so long ago. I can't quite seem to remember."

Hermione beckoned Harry to take a few steps back. "I don't like this," she said. "Everyone knows how much money Ron has. He's not gonna tell us anything 'til Ron offers him a ton of money."

Ron wore the same smirk. "I often find the right price can help me remember." He slid another twenty on the desk.

"I think he's bought a ticket or two."

"Mud, you're a thief. Can't you… interrogate him or something? With violence?"

"Are you, according to superhero code, even allowed to ask that? Besides, as a thief, I was trained to thieve silently, and specifically not to confront people."

"You've shown violence on numerous occasions," Harry pointed out.

"As an individual, not a thief."

"Is that supposed to make yourself sound better?"

"My final offer is sixty quid," Ron informed. "You tell me what I want to know, or I'll just ask one of your coworkers."

"Eighty."

"Sixty," Ron maintained.

"Seventy," Hat swallowed.

"Fifty."

His nose flared. "Fifty. Deal."

"Good. Where does he go?"

Harry and Hermione's worries were resolved. They stepped closer to the desk once again.

Hat looked to the side before licking his lips. "Alright. He gets round tickets for Yeovil Pen Mill. Usually on Fridays."

Harry squinted. "And Yeovil Pen Mill would be in..."

"Yeovil," Hat stated. "Now, I believe I've been promised sixty pounds?"

"Fifty," Ron reminded. "And not so fast. Does he have any new tickets?"

"Yes, for next weekend."

"I'll let you know if we have any more questions," Ron said before tossing him the money. "Oh, and one more thing..."

Continuing their investigation, a new plan was made and set in motion. Under their invisibility cloak on the next Friday, they traveled through the halls of Hogwarts on their way to Hogsmeade station.

"Don't you think this ratty blanket makes us more suspicious?" Hermione asked.

"Mud, this is a magic cloak. We're invisible."

"Magic may exist, but we are very much visible. That's why every teacher we've passed has looked at us sideways."

"If they thought we were so suspicious, then why haven't any of them come over to investigate?" he asked.

"Because they don't care. We aren't even graded."

"Hence, this works."

"Do you hear that?" Ron asked as he looked through the biggest tear in the greening blanket.

They listened closely and heard screaming. "Is that… Slughorn?" Harry asked. They ripped the blanket off and threw it at Harry as they ran to his office.

"AHHHHHH!" Slughorn screamed.

They opened the door and saw the strangest sight they had ever seen. What had been a deep room that needed stairs to get to, was now filled with the brown stuff from Slughorn's favorite cereal. The furniture of the room was floating but Slughorn was sinking.

"AHHH, RON!" he yelled upon seeing the trio. Harry dove off the platform and into the brown stuff. Slughorn was still screaming. "GRANT MY DYING WISH!"

"W-what?" Ron blinked.

"KILL MARSHMALLOW MATEYS! THEY STOLE THE IDEA! 1964, 1965!" He fell below the surface, but struggled back up in time to say another few words. "IT'S CHEATING! 1964, 1965!" he chanted, disappearing under brown stuff.

"How is the furniture floating?" Hermione asked.

Harry grabbed him by the collar and began pulling him to the surface.

"How are you swimming through this?!" Ron gaped.

"How are you lifting him?!" Hermione added.

"I have superhuman strength," Harry answered as he put Slughorn on the platform.

"Superhuman strength doesn't exist."

Ron smirked. "That's what you said about magic."

Slughorn was whining. "Arrggaawwwwaaaappppeeeerrrrooooo."

Snape and Darth Wing atop his shoulder rushed into the room. "Did you almost drown in the whole grain oats of that children's cereal again?"

"This has happened before?" Ron asked.

Snape prepared to lecture the man. "I have come to terms and accepted the fact that you are obsessed to an unhealthy degree with lucky charms, but must you not throw out the oats and instead hoard massive amounts in your office? I cannot understand how you've aggregated such a large amount of this in the few months you've been here."

"My buses arrived and brought my stash. Of course, I couldn't fit it all in here, unfortunately. I will find a use for them!"

"Horace, I'm saying this as a co-worker. You need help," Snape stated. "Since your arrival, I've looked up a number. 1-800-Imma-Hoarder-plz-help. If you do not call them, you will be fired just like last time."

"What happened last time?" Harry asked.

"The last Slug Club almost drowned in the oats during a meeting," Snape answered. "Twas a terrible Tuesday. Terrible."

Hermione looked down at the in-ground pool of brown stuff. "Do you know the dimensions of this room?"

"I don't keep track of that stuff," Slughorn answered hoarsely as he laid on the ground.

"It's the same as my office," Snape started. "738.5 cubic feet. I pay attention to detail."

"Do you happen to know how the volume of a single piece of the brown stuff?" Hermione asked.

Slughorn immediately sat up. ".25 milliliters."

"And how many pieces of brown stuff are in each b—"

"3,000," Slughorn answered as he rolled off his back.

Hermione started muttering to herself. "Then… Slughorn, there must be 27,883 boxes of cereal in here! Minus the marshmallows."

Slughorn nodded. "If you figured that out as quickly as you did, maybe you should be in my club. Consider yourself invited!"

Snape and Darth Wing shook their heads and left the room. "I haven't time for this."

"Oh, Ron," Slughorn said. "Thank you for making the leprechaun hats temporary, but I have to admit, I'm liking them better than the clovers. The hats are bigger. If you could go talk to them again and tell them to forget everything you said, except for the part about me getting my face printed on a new kind of charm, that would be great."

Ron sighed. "If you change your mind again I won't be as nice. But I am Canadian, so I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you very much." Slughorn started to sift through the brown stuff. "I need to get you a box of marshmallows."

"Please, I'd rather you not."

Harry was peering out the door watching Snape getting ready for his trip while Hermione was muttering more numbers. "If lucky charms have been around for thirty-three years now, he would have had to go through 844.9393 boxes per year! That's 2.3133 boxes per day! And he said he still has more elsewhere!"

Ron laughed and put his arm around Hermione. "Where are you learning this stuff? Because it's not here."

"Snape's leaving his office with a trunk!" Harry exclaimed. "We've got to hurry!" Ron and Hermione followed Harry into the corridor while Slughorn began to crowd surf on the brown stuff. "Be careful, citizen!"

Back under the invisibility cloak, they hurried ahead of Snape. The three of them made it to Hogsmeade station and waited for the half-vampire.

"This is taking forever," Hermione whined. "Why can't old people just move faster? We got here ages ago!"

"What if he's fallen and can't get up?" Ron suggested.

Harry shook his head. "Don't worry, I gave him a life alert. Next Christmas I think I'll give him some kind of mood ring. His face isn't reliable. It keeps getting joy and anger mixed up."

Finally, the goth dude walked by and they sprung into action.

"Where are you off to, Professor citizen?"

Snape gasped. Darth Wing got mad. "What is this?!"

"Yeovil Pen Mill?" Hermione suggested, a smirk across her face.

"How dare you look into my personal affairs."

"So it's true?" Harry asked. "Yeovil Pen Mill?"

Snape tried to push past them. "I will be on my way."

"Off to the half-vampire meeting?"

He stopped and looked over his shoulder. "What?"

"The half-vampire meeting?"

Snape's hair flew as he turned around, deep anger in his eyes. "I have told you before that this theory of yours is preposterous. Do I really have to remind you of your pathetic lies?"

"We'll see how much of a lie it is when we follow you," Ron taunted. Hermione waved the three train tickets she was holding.

The deep anger turned to fire. "This is a complete invasion of my privacy!"

"There's no law prohibiting us from taking the train," Hermione grinned.

"Well," Harry began. "I would understand if you didn't want to assume legalities stated by Mud, but I, the King of Hogwarts, the Protector of Hogwarts, and the Protector of Australia, can assure you she is telling the truth."

Hermione glowered at Harry but the conversation went on.

"We won't take the train if," Ron began, "you tell us the truth about your half-vampirism."

"I most certainly will not! I can't even if I wanted to because I am not a half-vampire."

An announcement came across the speakers of the station. "Last call for the Britain Express."

"We'd better get on our train," Hermione nodded. "Come on."

They only took a few steps before Snape folded. "Fine." The three stopped in their tracks and spun around. Snape went on. "If you promise not to follow me."

"Deal," the trio said in unison.