Chapter 7: Sputnik Sweethearts

The heat striking Aoi's face began to sting, light blazing through her shut eyelids. She turned to the side, failing to escape the burning sensation. The hand she was holding reluctantly slipped from her grasp. Rolling groggily, her search for a more comfortable spot ended when rough stalks brushed against her face. Grass? The blades scratched and tickled, creating an irresistible itch. Stirred from her sleep, she finally gave up when she remembered where she was.

Dawn was long over, the sun already peeking above the mountain top behind them. Rolling back from the edge of the picnic mat, her eyes were drawn to Haruka. She was still fast asleep, curled up like a field mouse with only her right arm outstretched. Sitting up and looking down at her left palm, the dampness made it glisten; she had been holding Haruka's hand for quite some time. More sweat started to well up on Aoi's face, the warmth now coming from within her. Haruka was the person she was closest to now, perhaps ever. Was there anything to be embarrassed about?

A trumpet blast thundered from above before she could ponder further. The brassy notes raked at her eardrums. Someone was shrieking the tune instead of playing it.

"Shut up already!" Juri yelled, barely overcoming the 'melody'.

More groans began to emerge as the tune died down.

"Wake up!" Kyouko screamed from a ledge above them. Where she learned to play Reveille in such an irritating way was beyond Aoi.

Haruka let out a low whine, now wearing a measly frown. She still refused to stir despite Aoi shaking her shoulder, rolling away in protest.

"Haruka," Aoi whispered. "The sun is up. There'll be people on a morning climb soon."

"Not now… Everything's sore."

Her words brought a dull pain running down Aoi's back into focus. Nineteen was too young for these kinds of pains. Then again, they had spent a few hours sleeping on hard ground.

She rubbed Haruka's back. "Does that feel better?" Maybe she had it worse off, used sleeping in a plush bed instead of a futon on tatami.

Haruka let out a soft croon, a smile visible on her side profile. Midway through another murmur, she inhaled sharply. Her eyelids flicked open as she cut off her hum, pupils darting as far as peripheral vision would take them. The sound of crumpling plastic broke the morning calm, Haruka jolting violently.

Aoi's hand flew back. "Sorry!"

"No! It's fine!" Haruka squeaked as she shot upright. "Oww…"

"Is your back okay?"

"Just a little tender." She clutched her lower back. "I was surprised it was you."

"Who else did you think it was?" she frowned.

"I can't believe you woke up before me," Haruka mumbled as she looked at her hand. "I should have just stayed up."

"Why? Did you have trouble getting to sleep?"

She nodded, her cheeks reddening. "After all the talking died down, the darkness and bugs started to creep me out. You were already asleep, and I didn't want to wake you up, so…"

Haruka's eye continued darting about as she faced away, Aoi's gentle smile doing little to remedy her embarrassment.

Instinctively, Aoi reached out, grasping her hand. "We're friends, right?" she tugged her over by the wrist. "Why wouldn't I hold your hand if it makes you feel better."

"It's just… embarrassing," She finally made eye contact but only leaned half-heartedly towards Aoi. "I'm turning nineteen soon, and I'm still scared of the dark."

"It makes you who you are."

"I want to change that… I don't like being this weak."

A hug seemed like the most appropriate response. Nor was it just for Haruka's sake. Aoi wanted a hug as well. Maybe she would have been bold enough during the night. Dawn seemed to have dispelled that magic, leaving her paralysed.

They continued to look at each other, their small bubble of stillness too precious to break. The scraping of shoes on rough concrete and the rusting of grass grew more frequent as the others woke up. It was almost painful, desperately grasping the last strands of serenity before they dissipated in the morning sun, refusing to admit the atmosphere around them was returning to the mundane. And the unpleasant.

"Hey, you two." It was Asuka. It always was. "Quit flirting and get to work cleaning up the trash."

Both presidents simultaneously shot her a glare, only to receive laughter in return. Asuka's hypocrisy was insufferable. No one disturbed her and Kaori if there was even a chance they were sharing a moment. Of course, most of the band suspected their relationship was different. Even some of the new members were catching on.

Just standing up caused her muscles to burn, the knots in them refusing to untie themselves no matter how vigorously Aoi stretched. Their view of Kyoto City beneath them was unremarkable, the daylight washing away the mesmerising sea of amber from the night before. The dull salmon buildings of Kyodai were now clearly visible, right where Haruka had said they were.

The soreness only got worse as they started their descent. Going down proved just as excruciating as climbing up. As the morning wore on, obligations placed on hold burst back to the fore of her mind. The last two essays of the semester were due this week—one on Murakami and another on Dazai, neither close to completion. Aoi's skin stuck to her t-shirt and track pants, only adding to her discomfort. Abandoning their mosquito coils and running dry on insect replant, the tiny bloodsuckers made their presence known.

While Aoi was still doing fine, the mosquitos were eating Haruka alive. Irritation was plaster over her face. She alternated between futile attempts to swat them away and unsticking her twin tails from her sweaty neck. There was little Aoi could do. Or rather, little she could think of doing.

They loaded their instruments on to the truck, parting ways with Knuckles and Mamoru first. As the group reached the main road, Aoi checked her watch, showing it was barely past six in the morning. Showering at the campus sports complex was a miserable way to start the day. Though it was better than being dragged to breakfast by Kyouko.

"You're heading to Kyouko's, right?" Haruka asked. "The rest of your stuff is over there."

A fog smothered Aoi's mind as she formulated a response. "Briefly, not going to hang around."

Haruka returned only a weary smile as they parted. It was not just her own melancholy getting in her way. Haruka must feel something similar, her words also dulling as they left the mountain.

An eddy of emotions dragged her insides down as she rode the bus to campus. Even though she would see Haruka again by Thursday, they were still apart. She had been willing to quit the band despite her pleading. Now, a simple goodbye felt debilitating. A harsh description of it all was a growing dependency. That idea was dangerous; being captured in someone's orbit. No longer a lone comet, charting their own path through the stars.

Half the band decided to skip classes for the day. Not even Asuka bothered, giving one of her usual grandiose yet nonchalant excuses: she would score high regardless. The remainder that went for their lectures and tutorials had them exclusively in the afternoon. Only Aoi and Kaori headed straight to an eight o'clock class. The nursing student continuing because attendance for her was compulsory.

Was it all worth it? Initially, the answer seemed obvious. Eventually, the visceral memories of the night began to fade. She absorbed only a sliver of what was covered during the day's lectures. It was no longer so clear with only the echoes of pleasant feelings and growing frustration at achieving nothing by dutifully attending class.

There was a dull throb in her left temple by the time Aoi slunk across the Uji Bridge toward home, encumbered by multiple bags. The summer sun recently began its final descent for the day, giving the waters a headache-inducing orange glare. Occasional passes by buzzing caddisflies near her ears only worsened the migraine. Mercifully, there were a scant few of them, nothing like the swarms that constantly tormented Kumiko. Those days seemed further away than usual. Though when she actually counted the years, nearly a decade had passed.

She had not seen Kumiko this year, not even at graduation. That was partially her own fault since she made no effort to find her. Not that any kouhais were looking for Aoi anyway. It was all an egotistical, even delusional desire for someone to search for her, dragging her back if necessary. All because she was that important to them. Of course, no one was melodramatic enough to run themselves ragged in front of the whole school looking for a single person. It would never have happened, not in the way Aoi imagined it.

There were some attempts after she quit the band. Haruka asked if she wanted to come to the band's retirement party. But they were always a request, an invitation, never an insistence. Maybe the saxophone section tried to find her on graduation. If they did, not much effort was put into it. Aoi slipped away in plain sight, strolling at a glacial pace out of the school.

As she passed the statue of Lady Murasaki, a brass tune wafted down the riverside. The hum of the caddisflies made it hard to figure out what instrument it was. A euphonium, maybe? Kumiko occasionally practised by the river. Kitauji's rehearsals would have ended some time ago as well. With her head still hammering, Aoi quickened her pace on the whim of her nostalgic impulse.

Hurrying along the verdant Ajirogi Path through a cloud of insects, she approached the point where the pavement along the Uji River forked. The cobblestone way on the right led towards the main road, running along the rear of Byodo-in Temple. On the left, the path descended closer to the riverbank, where the music was coming from. Sat at a familiar bench beneath a Sakura tree was a tall brown-haired boy.

Eventually, the trombonist saw her from the concern of his eye. "… Aoi-senpai?"

She had been listening from the slope behind him, unable to interrupt. His playing was dull yet still easily mistaken for a euphonium with all the ambient noise. The resemblance was uncanny. The only explanation was that he actively attempted to mimic one.

"Shuichi-kun," Aoi said, her voice gradually rising to normal volume. "It's been a while."

The boy gave an intrigued smile, lowering his trombone as Aoi walked down towards the bench. Calling him a boy hardly seemed fitting anymore. He used to be the shortest among the three of them, matching his position as the youngest. Now, she was only fractionally taller than him while he was seated down.

"Are you okay?" Shuichi said. "You look exhausted."

"I pulled an all-nighter, and I had a full day of classes." Aoi sat down next to him, laying her bags on the grass.

"University must be tough."

Aoi expected him to habitually rest his arm on the backrest once he turned to face her. Instead of the laidback, close to sloppy, boy she remembered, the young man clutched his trombone, his semi-vacant gaze still fixed on the other side of the river.

"Actually," Shuichi continued. "What university did you go to, Aoi-senpai?"

It had been four months since she received her acceptance letter. How could he not know?

"Kumiko never told you?"

"I don't think she knows?" Shuichi's face contracted into a mild frown. "I remember asking her, but Kumiko said she had no idea."

"Oh…"

"Not that we're disappointed or anything." His hands were raised in mock surrender, a sheepish smile on his face. "I'm sure you'd tell us when you were free. I guess we just never ran into each other."

"Is that why you're waiting here?"

His expression turned confused, his brows knitting together and unfurling repeatedly—a stark change from the almost forced playfulness.

"This is Kumiko's bench. It's always been her favourite place along the river."

Shuichi narrowed his eyes as he figured what she was implying. "What? I can't sit in a public place now?"

"You're always 'running' into her. Waiting at this bench or hanging out at the train station so you can walk home together."

He threw his head back. "You make me sound like a creep."

"I'm just joking," Aoi smiled. She reached out to ruffle his hair like she had done in their childhood, but his height forced her to settle for a pat on the shoulder. "You've been friends with her for years. It just sounds a little sad."

Shuichi sighed. "No one else at Kitauji would get it, but you know what Kumiko is like. She's aloof when it comes to difficult things."

"I roughly remember that." Now Aoi was the one gazing across the river.

The poor boy had been hinting about his affection for years. Without knowing him, it was easy to see it all as cowardice. He was definitely scared, but a large part of it was concern over how it could affect Kumiko. It was certain disaster to press the issue without her feeling the same way. And with the euphonist, that was seldom clear.

"So, which university did you go to Aoi-senpai?"

Being called that made her insides churn. "You shouldn't call me senpai anymore."

"Huh?" Shuichi fiddled with his trombone's slide as it lay on his lap. "Are you sure? It seems kind of rude…"

"We're friends, right Shuichi?"

"Yeah…?"

"I know it's weird for me to say that…" Aoi began to fiddle with her braids, still frayed from her rough morning. "I've barely talked with you, or even Kumiko, for ages. I want to say we're friends, but I'm definitely not your senpai."

"The third year of high school is tough. So is university." Shuichi was still a sweet boy, making excuses for her when she was clearly wrong.

Aoi shook her head. "I never helped you or Kumiko last year like I was supposed to. Even with things like schoolwork."

"You already did," He smiled. "Maybe not last year, but definitely during elementary school."

"I wasn't much help back then. And you weren't the best student most of the time either."

"You sound like your dad." The smile on his face growing. "It was fun when he tried to teach us about books over dinner at your house."

It was hard not to snigger at his clumsy compliment. "I bet you don't remember any of them."

"Umm… I'm in the science stream now, so it's not important." He shrugged apologetically, but his smile betrayed him.

"It's fine. Not even Kumiko remembers. She probably spent all those nights spaced out in her own world."

"Your dad still teaches at Doshisha University, right? Did you go there?"

"No…" Bashfully answering the question seemed like false humility. Yet saying it flatly felt even more arrogant.

"You're definitely not at Kosen like Hideri-senpai. Did you go to the same school as Mei-senpai then?"

"I'm not at Bukkyo University," Aoi resolved to just spit it out. "I went to Kyodai."

"Wow…" Shuichi let out a low whistle like he was drawing out the slide of his trombone. "No wonder you're tired.'

"You look tired too. Rehearsals getting to you?"

Shuichi turned his gaze back across the Uji River. "Is that how I look?"

"Your trombone sounds like it as well."

Aside from the clicking of his trombone's single valve, Shuichi sat in silence. If he were that exhausted, he would have just gone home. Shuichi was contemplating something, not bothering to answer with an easy platitude. And where was Kumiko? He seemed to have been waiting for some time.

"Aoi…" Shuichi's grip on his trombone tightened. "I know we haven't talked in a while. But you're the only person that really knows Kumiko who I can talk to… Could you hear me out?"

"Of course—"

"Sorry, you're tired and everything. Kyodai is super hard, and I'm taking up your time right before exams."

Aoi delivered a swift jab to his ribs. "Just spit it out, Shuichi."

"It's about Kumiko—" He forced himself to cough, clearing a lump in his throat. "I'm supposed to meet her later. At the park next to the Tale of Genji Museum."

"Oh?" Aoi leaned forward to get a better view of his face. His expression was not quite what she was expecting. Flustered, though lacking the flush of an embarrassed boy about to confess his love. "You're finally going to ask her out?"

The unease on his face shattered, replaced with a confused look as he shook his head. "She never told you?"

"Told me? Kumiko?" Aoi covered her mouth as her jaw swung open. "You two are finally together?"

Shuichi nodded, his face torn between glee and dread. Despite her exhaustion and headache, Aoi could not help but grin.

Then, there was the obvious question. "Why do you look so unsettled then?"

"I should talk to Takigawa instead." He mumbled, looking away.

"Does he know?"

"Of course not. But I should tell him."

"Don't." Aoi raised her hand to stop him. "Takigawa is an idiot."

Both of them went quiet. Aoi immediately prepared to backpaddle. She did just insult his best friend. Before she could say anything, Shuichi burst out in laughter.

"I guess you're right." He mashed his palm on his forehead. "There's a reason he doesn't have a girlfriend."

Aoi folded her arms. "It's obvious he joined the band just to get girls."

"Is that why you and Ogasawara-senpai ignored him?"

"Ignore is a strong word… We just kept him at arm's length."

"Compared to Maki-san, you guys never talked to him."

Aoi giggled. "We did spoil Chikai-chan rotten. But she was always more of Haruka's disciple."

Her mind was about the glaze over on a nostalgic tangent when she forced it back into focus. "Wait. You and Kumiko. If you two are already together, I think you'll know her far better than me."

He clasped his hands together. "… I'm scared she'll break up with me."

There was a tug on her heartstrings, the imaginary force causing her diaphragm to sag. "After all this time being in love with the girl next door…"

"We're not fighting or anything." He said, ruffling his own hair. "She's just distant. And hesitant… I mean, more than usual. Even for Kumiko. She stopped wearing the hairpin I gave her."

"Shuichi, have you asked her directly about this?"

He shook his head. Of course, he did not. "She's been really stressed about band. I didn't want to add to it. Kumiko's a year leader now. I mean, so am I, but there's still less than ten guys in the band. Normally the girls all look for her, so she's pretty overwhelmed. I'm trying to help, but if she doesn't want to share, then pushing would probably just make it worse."

"You're basing all this on you two being busy?" To his credit, he was far more sensitive than most guys. Though his passivity and opaqueness made it less than ideal.

"… You know, there's exams, the band, there's always some drama going on as well." Moving his trombone to its case, his hands returned to his lap, clawing at the fabric of his pants. "There was also the time I tried to kiss her."

Aoi instinctively smacked his shoulder. "You didn't do what I think you did, right?"

"No, no! It's not like that. She tripped over something, and I caught her. Kumiko was looking right into my eyes. I thought it was a signal when she leaned in as well. I guess she changed her mind and got pretty worked up about it."

"Did you guys just start dating or something?"

"Is eight months a long or short time?"

It was fortunate he was not talking to someone like Hiroe, or worse, Asuka. "That's more than half a year, Shuichi. You've also known her for almost a decade."

"We've held hands…"

"Geeze… the two of you. So you think talking about it might scare her or something."

The boy nodded; his lips curled up in a miserable frown. "You must think this is all pretty immature. Not being able to just talk about things directly."

Shuichi had never struck her as being intensely attached to Kumiko. Fondness and familiarity were a given after so many years, but he never appeared to be preoccupied. In fact, right before Aoi lost contact with them, Shuichi seemed to prefer talking with the other boys from his class. Though that may have been a phase all boys went through at puberty, proclaiming to despise girls until they were suddenly in love with them again. Or maybe he was just good at appearing nonchalant about everything, just like Kumiko.

Aoi shook her head. "I've seen you two interact for a long time. Even without experiencing any of this stuff, I can understand enough of it."

The affirmation brought a smile to his face despite her words barely qualifying as one. Her heart sank further, seeing the extent of his distress. He really had no one else to talk to. Even this tiny amount of reluctant catharsis was a great relief to him.

"Not interested in anyone at school? No boyfriend?"

She pursed her lips. "I didn't choose my school because someone I liked was going there. If it happens, it happens. It's not like you went to Kitauji because of Kumiko."

"Well…"

Stifling a groan was impossible. Aoi yanked his ear as punishment. "Seriously? Wait, Kumiko said she didn't tell anyone she was going to Kitauji."

"It wasn't hard to figure out," Shuichi replied as he massaged his ear lobe. "Her parents talked about it with my parents, so naturally…"

"That doesn't make it any less stupid." Aoi pinched the bridge of her nose, suppressing the urge to sigh. "Shuichi… that's sweet but also really dumb."

"Kitauji was the best school I could get into anyway. Before I heard, I was thinking of going to Minamiuji because it was nearer."

"They're ranked pretty low."

"Doesn't really matter to me. I just need to pass the university entrance exam. But I guess it was a good thing I went to Kitauji. There's something special about the school."

Aoi narrowed her eyes. "You're just saying that because your together with Kumiko."

"Maybe… That's the best thing that's happened to me. But there's also the band. And we both got to see you again."

"Does it really make up for the rest of it?"

"You don't really like Kitauji, do you…."

She took in a deep breath, her lungs expanding to the maximum. Denying that was probably proper social etiquette. Unless it was blatantly terrible, it was rude to disparage their alma matter, especially in front of a kouhai.

"Well, I did say I was your friend and not your senpai… Honestly, it was pretty terrible."

A shocked expression never materialised. There was a mild wince on his face, but he seemed otherwise unphased. "Don't tell Kumiko that, though."

"You're not surprised?"

"I was hoping you'd feel better about it. I heard a lot about the falling out in the band before we joined. Hideri-senpai talks a lot when he gets in the right mood."

"How many other people in your batch know the details?"

"I'm not sure. If anyone else does, they never talk about it. The rest just know the broad strokes."

"So… You know about all the fighting we got into behind the scenes."

"What Hideri-senpai told me was pretty nasty; all the things that happened to everyone stuck in the middle."

"It's better if everyone forgets that." Aoi leaned back, looking up into the leaves of the Sakura tree. It was a pity they were not in bloom all year round. "Nozomi-chan doesn't talk about it, right?"

"Not that I've heard. Though I'm not close to her. Kasaki-senpai looks happy; All her kouhais love her."

"That's good… At least it's not all wasted then."

"Aoi?"

"Ah, it's nothing." She said, swishing her hand. "We shouldn't talk about me. I feel like you're trying to dodge the subject."

Shuichi leaned forward, resting his weight through his elbows onto his lap. "I feel better talking about it, but it's like I'm jinxing."

"You shouldn't keep it all to yourself."

"Yeah… Takigawa is not the greatest friend when it comes to this. I'm kind of jealous when I see Kumiko and Kousaka. Girls seem so much freer to share their feelings with each other."

"Is that why you're talking to me?"

"I mean…" Shuichi sat upright, another wince on his face. "Is that wrong? I did say it's because you know Kumiko as well."

"Just teasing you a bit," Aoi said, patting him on the back. "I don't like that you've gotten so tall. I can't treat you like my little brother anymore."

"You know, I used to be jealous that you and Kumiko were so close. It's like you two forgot that there was an age difference."

"It's only two years, Shuichi."

"Mamiko-san is only two years older than you, but you guys aren't close."

"That's different… She was already in junior high. I guess it created the impression that she was way more mature than us. After all, she the one who got us all into band."

"It was the same thing with you; closer to finishing elementary school, already had your growth spurt. You even helped us with homework. It's just like Kumiko not to pick up on any of that. I ended up hanging around instead of with you two."

Aoi rubbed her cheek, attempting to cover up a frown. "Shuichi… I didn't realise that."

"I got over it a long time ago," He said with a wave of his hand. "I just wanted to be alone with Kumiko so badly back then. It's like being pull towards someone, and you can't breakaway. But they're also not doing it on purpose? Kind of sounds like gravity."

There remained much to be desired with Shuichi's way with words. It was a strikingly similarity he shared with the Kumiko, both of them clumsy negotiators. Ironically, this trait they shared probably prevented them from realising they had it in common. It probably prevented a great deal of things from materialising between them sooner. Despite his less than elegant analogy, the earnestness of it all was impossible to deny.

"I wonder what it would be like if I didn't screw up in Junior high." He continued.

Aoi wondered the same thing, though they meant it in different ways. She nodded, confirming that she was listening.

"It was such a stupid conversation. The guys were talking about some macho nonsense, who ran the fastest during the sports festival or something like that. Kumiko came up to me and asked if she could come over for dinner. I wanted to smile so badly. My parents were going to be out for the night too, but I was ready to beg my mom to cook extra before she left so I could say yes. Even if I had to eat tomato omurice. I would have found a way to cooked it myself if it came to it. Maybe we could have cooked together."

He pulled on a clump on his hair as he gritted his teeth. "I called her ugly to try and cover up my excitement. I mean… it's embarrassing to look all worked up over a girl at fifteen. I thought she understood, but she can really hold a grudge. Kumiko even got pretty angry that I was friendly with one of my kouhais in the trombone section this year. I was just trying to help teach her."

"Shuichi" Aoi shook her head. "Kumiko only gets this passive-aggressive with you. You can't be that dense."

"I know… Don't you think about stuff like this sometimes? What you could have done differently? Maybe it would have been just another dinner, just two of us, with her lobbing snide remarks at me the whole way through. I keep wondering if it would have led to something earlier. If we would be able to handle dating and band better if we started sooner."

As the silence lingered, Shuichi tilted his head towards her in search of affirmation.

"I think of a different world all the time too. It's probably natural for everyone. At least what you wanted happened eventually. You did tell her you're not interested in your kouhai, right?"

"Of course!" Shuichi nodded vigorously before his hand came to a rest on the nape of his neck. "I guess I should have thought about how it would look. Though I never thought Kumiko was the jealous type… Would you do anything differently?"

"For me… all of those different worlds involve not going to Kitauji."

"Really? There was nothing good?"

Aoi paused, fighting the temptation to immediately defend her claim. "There were some good things, specifically some good people. But a lot of what happened in Kitauji was unavoidable. Not unless other people changed schools or totally changed their personalities. I can't control that."

"You got to see Kumiko and me again at least." His smile was both sheepish and cocky all at once. Something only he could do.

Aoi tugged on her braids again. "I'm sorry I wasn't around for you guys. Both last year and during a lot of junior high."

"I still think you were a good senpai." Shuichi was more perceptive than she gave him credit for sometimes. "I know it sounds kind of lame, but Kumiko and I did learn a lot from you. I can't remember anything about books, but we know how to be good senpais from you."

"That's so cheesy," She said, giving him a nudge. "Did you guys really pay that much attention to what I was doing?"

"It just rubs off when you're around people long enough."

"Well, you know what happened in my second year. I'm not sure if I was very good at looking after my kouhais."

"It's more important that you tried. I can see why Hideri-senpai and Mei-senpai didn't get involved. Although they never said it, I think they regret not stepping in as well."

Aoi nodded as she attempted to digest everything. "Maybe I'll tell you about it someday." As corny as his encouragement was, it succeeded at quelling her melancholy, at least for the moment. Kumiko was lucky to have someone supportive like him. Even if his words were clumsy.

The buzz of Shuichi's phone dragged her back to the present.

"Is it Kumiko?"

There was a gentle smile on his face as he read the text. "Yeah, her train is about to reach Uji station."

"Shuichi," Aoi said, interrupting his packing up. "You really love Kumiko, don't you?"

Only his side profile was visible, his shoulders rising slowly as he steadied his breathing. There was a sheen of dampness on his eye, the film of water almost escaping his eyelids. The last time she had seen Shuichi cry was when he was ten, scraping his knee on the slope behind them. Back then, he desperately tried to hide his tears from Kumiko. Even if it was not all happy, it was a testament that he could be moved to tears by the thought of her. Compared to him, she seemed alarmingly detached from it all, possibly unable to shed tears about anything except failing another exam.

"Is it too soon for me to admit that?"

"To Kumiko? Probably. To yourself, though, I think you knew that for a long time."

Shuichi zipped up his schoolbag, throwing it over his shoulder. "What do you think I should do?"

"I heard from Asuka that you guys are playing Liz and the Blue—"

"You think I need to let her go," A bitter tinge overtook his tone. "I know friends come and go; I don't talk much to anyone from junior high now. But how can you do that with someone you've spent more than half your life around?"

"Right now, it sounds like you guys are being stressed out from other things. It's squeezing a lot of time and energy from both of you. I know it isn't really fair when it comes to Kumiko since she's distant all the time, but you may need to give her even more space. I think she'll come around eventually, when things change. Even if Kumiko doesn't, it's about what makes her happy in the end…"

The answer hung in the air, only met with the repeated tapping of Shuichi's foot. Her words were far colder than she expected once she went over them in detail. They were almost cruel, snuffing out all sentimentality. Although she stood by her advice, it was clearly a tall order. If the situation were reversed, Aoi knew it would be excruciating for her to accept her own words. At least that's what she wanted to believe.

"I'm sure you'll still be friends with Kumiko no matter what happens," Aoi added with a smile. It was too callous to ask him to disappear entirely on demand. Even if they did not owe each other anything unconditional, it was equally unreasonable to say that they were no expectations between them. "There'll always be that. Unless you call her ugly again."

His laugh was half-hearted, though he seemed to have digested her words well enough. "Thank you, Aoi… I know the whole conversation was about letting go, but you should talk to Kumiko too. When she's less stressed. We didn't realise it until we saw you again, but we both missed you."

"I will, once exams and performances are all over. I missed you guys too." Aoi said as he picked up his trombone case.

They both waved, silently walking off in different directions.

Without knowing it, Kumiko had capture Shuichi in a distant orbit around her. Leaving him constantly scared of being flung away into the depths of space. The idea that she could also be seized by someone so profoundly was difficult to put out of her mind. So far, Aoi had done everything for her own reasons. And if she was uncharitable, for her own benefit. It would have been easier to go to Minamiuji, like Shuichi said. All her friends from junior high went there, leaving her alone at Kiatuji. Despite the rejection from Horiyama, she was still adamant about attending the highest ranked school possible. Even her defence of Nozomi and the others strayed dangerously close to being for the sake of her ego. As depressing as some memories were, it provided a grim reassurance that she could severe herself from anyone if it came to it.

There was no reason to resort to that yet. The gravity dragging everyone from their batch back towards each other was hardly overpowering. Yet, the existence of the connection suggested there was indeed something special about Kitauji's band experience.

Haruka's pull on her was the strongest, but there was no risk of being uncontrollably dragged along. Maybe Haruka had been the one trapped in her orbit. That thought only made her feel a greater sense of guilt than before. Friends did owe each other something. Though where that line was seemed entirely relative.

Eventually, Thursday rolled around. Both too fast and too soon for Aoi's liking. The wisdom of Monday adventure grew increasingly doubtful as the week went on. More sleepless nights were forced upon Aoi to meet her deadlines. Despite her efforts, she was forced to endure the humiliation of having to ask for an extension. Insisting that she would not give up their stargazing experience despite the price she was paying felt forced. Like what she ought to think instead of a genuine conclusion.

At least this would be their last rehearsal until exams were over.

Haruka clapped her hands. "Alright, that should be enough for today."

The sun was still up for a change. Though that was not saying much since they were still in the midst of summer. Packing up was slower than usual, many of them continuing to rifle through the sheet music or taking their time to clean their instruments.

The moment Aoi's gaze crossed with Asuka, a sense of dread immediately came over her.

"Oi, Haruka?" Asuka said, her euphonium still in a ready position. "Don't you think we should do another round?"

The day's practice was brief, completing their first entire run through all the pieces to cap things off before the break. Their sound was far from perfect. Only Galaxy Express 999 was polished enough to meet the standards they promised. Though Aoi chalked up today's mediocre showing to everyone being distracted by exams.

"Umm, is everyone okay with that?" Haruka was pliant as ever.

"Eh?!" Juri said, her horn already dismembered for cleaning. "Some of us have to study you know."

"Really, Sawada?" Mirai interjected. "You're starting now?"

Juri shrugged. "I mean, it had to happen eventually."

"We have some time, right?" Raina said, looking at her watch. "It's not even seven yet. We'll be done by eight, and we need the practice."

The band froze. The few still cleaning their instruments reduced themselves to a lethargic pace, anticipating the inevitable extension to their final practice.

"Asuka has a point," Himegami added. "We shouldn't be banking on concentrated rehearsals later."

Hitoshi stopped with his swab still midway through his clarinet. "But we have exams."

"We have exams every term," Asuka replied, folding her arms. "It's an endless excuse."

Shouko turned around in her chair. "They're even more important now. Our grades count towards our final degree. We can't just scrape by anymore."

"Mamoru," Asuka called. "You study philosophy, right?"

"Yeah…?"

"I'm not asking about your grades." She said with a dismissive wave. "Part of philosophy is aesthetics, right? Objectively, how do we sound."

Mamoru pressed down on his tuba, suppressing the shuddering of his right leg. "I don't study much of that branch. Besides, it's mostly abstract ideas."

The central debate broke down into smaller conversation between the two sides. A majority remained silent, hesitant to involve themselves or leave while the spat was still unfinished. The only way to bring this to an end was to go right to the source.

"Asuka!" Aoi hissed as she bent down next to her seat. The noise of the rest fighting masked their confrontation. "Stop them. We agree today's practice would be short."

"That was before you actually heard them play," She replied, not bothering to face Aoi.

"You're supposed to be helping us."

"I am helping you." She replied in a matter-of-factly tone. "We're not up to standard, not even close."

"That's your standards."

Asuka swished her hand dismissively at her. "Aoi, I know you're not easily satisfied like some of the others." Her gaze landed squarely on Juri and Hiro. "You're more forgiving with the absolute standards of our music. But I know you won't tolerate people giving a pathetic half-hearted effort."

"There's nothing to win or lose at this performance." Aoi huffed. "Now talk them down. Everyone is stressed enough with exams."

"You keep projecting," Asuka said, shaking her head. She gestured over to the rest of the band. "Plus, I think they would beg to disagree."

Her surroundings came back into focus. The scatter quarrelling had devolved and concentrated into a single volatile argument, the two loose sides only separated by chairs and music stands.

"How are you even lazier than before?!" Raina yelled.

"Lazy? I practised like hell last year!" Juri retorted.

"Only because Taki-sensei finally pushed all of you."

"We've always been working hard. Do you know how difficult it is to play the horn?"

"That's your excuse?" Mikino scoffed. "I could say the same thing for the bassoon."

"Everyone!" Haruka stood rooted at the conductor's podium. Only a few of them even glanced at her, the terrified look on her face doing more to undermine their calm than reassure them. "Can we all sit down and discuss this properly?"

Mei ignored their president's pleas, wading into the fight. "We sound good enough. This isn't nationals. Half the people at the festival aren't even going to stop to watch. We're just background music to them."

"Please," Haruka rasped.

The previously passive Mihara stood up. "If you aren't committed, then why did you bother joining? Some of us want to do better than before."

"Most of us are already good enough!" Mei retorted. "You're the only one in our batch that's that terrible. Stop making us suffer because you can't keep up."

Mihara slumped into her chair, demolished by the riposte. Her lips quavering between a scowl and a sob despite her attempts to force a fierce expression. The others held their breath, keenly aware they crossed a threshold in their fight.

Himegami bolted up from her seat with fury on her face. Usually gentle with her flute, she now brandished it like a truncheon. "At least I'm not here as an excuse to spend more time with my boyfriend. Why don't you two think of everyone else for a change."

Hideri began to backway slow. "Hey… Don't involve me in this."

"Please," Himegami continued. "I know neither of you would have come back if you weren't dating. You two never really cared."

Haruka had both her hands clasped on her temple, haplessly enduring the torrent of anger from everyone else. She was already sensitive to how the people around her felt. To be responsible for stopping it was another layer of agony. Heat was building up on Aoi's face, her muscles starting to fatigue from being locked into a frown. They never listened to Haruka. Not when it came to anything challenging. And that was after all their claims of 'we love you Haruka". They had a funny way of showing how much they cared, especially Asuka.

Aoi inhaled, filling her lungs to the brim. A knot formed in her throat, blocking her yell from escaping. It was enough time for her doubt to assert itself. Maybe it was not her place to say anything. She was almost an outsider in the band, at least socially. Losing composure would only inflame things. They already proved that the president's authority was merely nominal. The most infuriating part of it all was they would listen to Asuka.

Turning towards the euphonist, her expression was not smug as she expected. Though it lacked the subdued horror of most others, there was also a distinct lack of shock. Asuka knew the only resolution left was to end their practice. It was unbelievable that she held out hope those on her side would succeed in strong-arming the rest along. All this for one insignificant concert.

"All of you shut up!"

The band recoiled en masse, an uneasy stillness overtaking the room. The silence more distressing than the chaos before. Their eyes turned to a girl leaning over her marimba. Saki's fists were clench, but there had been no sound of them crashing against the wood. There was still enough restraint to prevent her from hammering her own instrument. Yet her glasses were ajar, an unnerving hint of how violent her reaction had been.

"Everyone, stop being unfair. No one wants to sound like crap. Okay? We can't pretend that we don't need more practice. But there's also exams. Remember last year… it's serious stuff. Way more for some people…"

Saki's voice trailed off, losing most of its force. Yet no one took this opportunity to reignite their feud. The sheer surprise of the quiet percussionist exploding seemed to have jolted them back to their sense. That, and the implications of what she blurted out.

There was barely any time to register Asuka's scowl before she stood up and headed towards the door. "I'm going to practice. You all do what you want." She paused as she slipped on her shoes, euphonium still in hand. "See you all in August."

Aoi sat in a daze, vaguely aware of the band slowly dispersing. Aside from her own saxophone, the only thing that seemed to be in focus was Haruka. The rest were either embroiled in their own inner turmoil or weary of restarting their fight. They left their president hunched over, arms lightly wrapped around herself. It was hard to blame the others; Aoi did not know what to say to Haruka either.

A soothing voice floated into Aoi's ears from behind. "Let's go talk somewhere. With Haruka too. Like the old days." Though Kaori's smile was as gentle as ever, there was an unmistakable strain behind it.

Their sullen walk was thankfully short, breezing by the familiar buildings along Imadegawa road. They turned off just as the bridge over the Kamo River came into view. It was a little way north along Termachi street until they reached one of Kyoto's many covered markets.

Haruka perked up as they entered the warmly lit shopping street. Aside from the ubiquitous mix of residents from the surrounding neighbourhood, many shoppers looked to be around their age. With only the odd person in a school uniform, the rest had to be university students.

The presence of so many students from Doshisha created a peculiar gentrifying effect on the Demachi Masugata market, mixing old family-run businesses and stylish boutique cafes. The façade of the older shopfronts preserved the quaint atmosphere. Most were simple, the plain white tiled interiors dating back to the last century, their wares displayed on austere tables and mass-produced baskets. Some had more furnished exteriors, still retaining rustic elements like the wooden lattice and noren at the front of all old Kyoto shophouses. The only fanfare were the many banners, signs, and the odd mural, creating a chaotic kaleidoscope of colours in the market. It was what you would expect in every neighbourhood, fishmongers, grocers, thrift stores, and the occasional traditional sweet shop.

Interspersed between them were trendy cafes with no shortage of patrons. Their sleek, modern design was a sharp contrast, meant to appeal to a younger crowd. The youthful energy of their appearance and customers seamlessly blended with the bubbly quaintness of the rest of the market. The almost whimsical atmosphere helped to distance Aoi from their recent fight. That effect was doubly strong on Haruka, her eyes drawn to a model of giant fish hanging from the ceiling.

"We're not eating sushi for dinner, are we?" Aoi said as they approached the hanging fish.

"I don't really come here much…" Haruka replied. "Hiroe gave me some good café recommendations if you're interested."

Aoi surveyed the stalls around them, but nothing seemed quite appealing. Most of them served food better suited for teatime or a light snack. The only substantial meal offerings were from a noodle bar she saw further in the distance. Though it seemed to be packed with Doshisha students. Something better avoided since the others might have gone ahead with their dinner plans.

Kaori cleared her throat. "There," She pointed up towards the second floor of the shophouse next to them.

"Did Tori-chan tell you about that place?" Haruka asked.

"Nope," She said, flourishing towards the staircase leading up to the small café. "I just think it looks cute." The stained-glass checkers along the balcony railing and the retro neon sign above certainly looked interesting.

The 'Stars and Clowns' was an eccentric establishment, more of a mix between a record shop and a coffee bar than a cafe. As they climbed the stairs, they could already hear music seeping through the unopened door. An older man in a brown bandana greeted them from behind the counter. His long greying hair and beaded necklace made him look like a Japanese John Lennon.

They sat at the far end of the wooden counter, going over the mostly deserts and snacks on the menu. The initial worry over what they were going to eat faded quickly. None of them were hungry, the fight having evaporated any appetite. Settling for coffee and cake, the three of them slumped back into their plush chairs, listening to It's only a Paper Moon play from a record player.

"This place has such a strange name," Kaori said as she sipped her latte.

"It's named after a Nakahara Chuuya poem," Aoi replied, idly prodding at her slice of Black Forest cake.

Haruka let out a sigh, violently squishing her own cheeks. "I've never read a word of it, but it definitely fits us. And I'm the biggest clown out of us all."

"That's not true," Kaori started.

A saucer rattled as Haruka abruptly dropped her palms to the table. "Don't start. And don't say I'm nice. Everyone says that because they can't think of anything good about me."

Haruka was wrong. Or at least when Aoi said it, it was not just another platitude to be parroted at her. Though interjecting with that would have done little good now.

"Shouldn't you be with Asuka or something?" she continued. Her tone was as bitter as the coffee in front of them. The owner of the café seemed to have forgotten to pass them any sugar.

"I texted her," Kaori still wore an amicable smile. "but she didn't reply. She wants a bit of time to herself now."

Aoi scoffed. "You sure she's not just ignoring you? She does that to everyone else when she wants to."

"Asuka isn't as sociable as she looks."

"We know…" Aoi ceased restraining her expression, letting herself descend into a scowl. It was too much effort to pretend anyway. "She's only full of nonsense when it's part of a scheme. It's way worse than Hiroe. At least she's nosy because she's just like that."

"All I'm saying is," Kaori continued. "there's more to it. You shouldn't be so hard on her."

"Kaori, she just instigated a massive fight."

"She didn't mean to have it spill over like that. Even Asuka loses control over the situation sometimes."

Haruka's eyes turned puffy, the extreme flush on her face drawing their attention. "I'll be fine. I just hope Saki is okay."

She attempted to casually take a bite of her strawberry shortcake. Her jaw moved unnaturally, unable to swallow her food as she tried to stop herself from tearing up. At least she was not going to break down, or so Aoi hoped.

"I'll check up on her later," Kaori replied. "I wouldn't pin too much of her outburst on the fight. There's probably been something else going for her to act like that."

"You shouldn't be the one cleaning up after Asuka." Aoi sighed. "Not that any of this is new. Asuka's always been pretty callous."

"Was she?" Kaori replied. "You two never fought when the four of us were together."

"That was just in first year. I think I actually spent more time with the sax section."

"No you didn't. It was always the four of us." Haruka said with a tiny voice. "Our first meal with our section was after our the Kyoto competition."

"Right… that disaster."

Kaori shrugged. "We tried our best. I thought we played decently that year."

"How can you say that and put up with Asuka?" Aoi took another sip of her latte. The bitterness did little to help her mood.

"You really think she's a perfectionist?"

"When she wants something, definitely. I have no idea how Asuka is justifying it all to herself."

"Do you really want to know?" Kaori ended her attempts to disarm Aoi with a smile, her expression returning to a neutral state.

Haruka fidgeted uneasily in her seat, caught literally in between them. "Maybe we should just enjoy our desert? Or we can move to a seat by the balcony and people watch."

Kaori shook her head. "Haruka, it's not easy, but Aoi should know."

"You knew?!"

Her hands shot up from her plate. "I don't know anything!" Haruka squeaked. "Do I?" she turned to Kaori in confusion.

Kaori patted Haruka's shoulder with a morose smile. Although it calmed her down, it made Aoi even more concerned about what she was about to hear.

"I don't think anyone would put it together." Kaori started. "I was surprised when I found out. Everyone knows Asuka isn't special, but I don't think they really thought about how much like everyone else she really is."

"Everyone's an insensitive control freak now?" Aoi retorted. "They may not think she is perfect anymore, but Asuka is still the prodigy that they want her to be."

The former vice-president's behaviour still had a charming allure to everyone in the band. At the very least, they tolerated it without protest. All her little eccentricities or insufferable playfulness were mere blemishes on her perfection. Or worse, to some, they were the most endearing parts of her personality. They were determined to place her on a pedestal, their larger-than-life idol that could effortlessly handle any problem related to the band.

With the looks, intellect, and talent to back it up, the illusion she projected was impossible to shatter from the outside. Once upon a time, Aoi could tolerate it all, believing that it was just her jealously. Then again, that was before any real test to their friendship arose.

"People do gloss over her problems." Kaori conceded. "But she has her reasons."

"Like what? Nationals going to her head? I think Asuka never cared because she knew playing as an ensemble was a group effort. None of us thought we could get past the Kyoto competition. She even let people in her section quit till she was the only one from our batch left. Then Taki-sensei changed all that. And now that she knows it's possible, she's trying to push it on for her own gratification."

"A very appropriate conclusion. But I wish it was that simple."

"Why? If it's true, then Asuka would really be just a selfish bitch."

Haruka violently sat up, almost falling out of her seat. She threw both of them a few uneasy glances and nervous whimpers, receiving no eye contact in return. Aoi's eyes were locked with Kaori's. Although the nursing student did not show any outward signs of anger, there was steel in her gaze. And just a hint of dejection.

Eventually, Haruka mustered up the courage to break the tension. "You're still using Asuka's first name, though."

Aoi sighed, relaxing her back. "I should just call her Tanaka."

"You'll be the only one doing that…" Haruka said.

"Not exactly. After all, I'm not quite from the Kitauji band either."

Kaori lightly brushed Haruka's shoulder, signalling her to lean back so she could look directly at Aoi. "It's not like the old days anymore, is it?"

"The four of us were never really that close. You and Asuka were always going off by yourselves."

Haruka timidly tapped her fingers together, slouched back in her chair. "I thought we were…"

It was either her sentimentality talking or Aoi's memories morphing to fit her mood. Perhaps her memories of high school were tainted from the moment they formed. Only exceptionally bright moments stood a chance of being etched into her mind fondly.

"You're not imagining it." Kaori said, smiling at Haruka. "Neither are you, Aoi. I noticed it too. It's not just teasing anymore. Asuka is a lot harsher with you than she used to."

"For a while, I wondered if she was just always like that. I assume she's enjoying this?"

Kaori shook her head. "She has her selfish moments. Lots of them. But she's also human. Not everything she does is totally rational. I mean, it all still makes sense, but even Asuka can be driven by emotions."

"After all the times she chastised us for being illogical. She made a big deal out of it in second year when we were trying to hold everything together. And for Haruka…" Aoi turned towards her, seeing a mild beadiness in her eyes. "Well, Asuka's always been really condescending about that."

"I'm not saying that makes what she does good." Kaori sighed. "You said Asuka isn't as perfect as she looks. That also means she has problems in her life. A stranger wouldn't care about that, but she's your friend, right?"

"She doesn't really treat me like one," Aoi mumbled.

"It's hard for her. I don't think she got over almost losing her chance to play at nationals."

"What does that have to do with me?"

"Do either of you know what Asuka's mom and Taki-sensei said in that argument?"

"No?" Haruka replied. "I don't think anyone from the band was there in person to hear it."

Kaori nodded. "There was one person there. But that's not important. When Asuka's mom brought up quitting, she insisted they allow Asuka to quit because they had let another third-year do it earlier…"

Only the sound of Paul McCartney's voice filled the café. The record had been changed at some point to the Beatles. 'Yesterday' now spilt out of the speakers around the room.

"It's…" Haruka murmured. "It's not Aoi's fault. Her mom shouldn't have done that."

"I know," Kaori said. "It's not fair to say if Aoi hadn't quit, her mom wouldn't have started that fight."

"Did she really want to play at nationals that badly?" Aoi asked. "Asuka isn't the type that gets hung up about letting her teammates down."

"She wants to perform to a professional standard, to be recognised for it. If it were possible, Asuka would do that alone with her euphonium. But the only option was nationals, and now I suppose a band festival."

"She could have just gone to music school."

"Aoi…" Haruka said, wearily pressing the tips of her index together. "I don't think her mom would approve."

"Asuka was the girl who got slapped in the staff room, right?" It was difficult, but Aoi was overcome with an irrational determination to say it out loud.

Without any food or drink left to look busy with, the two silently nodded.

Aoi grounded her teeth together, her insides sagging away again. "Sorry… I don't know what I was expecting."

Aoi felt no better after saying that, the vicious impulse she had evaporating the moment the words left her mouth. Asuka's suffering did not make her feel any better.

"Even if Asuka is a prodigy, I think it came at a price," Kaori said. "Her perfection is just another one of her masks."

"Did you piece this together?" Haruka asked. "Or did Asuka tell you all this up front?"

"A bit of both." She said with a weary smile. "She likes to dodge the topic whenever we're alone."

"Aren't you tired of being the one reaching out all the time?" Haruka asked. "I know it's complicated. But it's unfair being so one-sided."

"Asuka may be able to charm people with her words, but she's actually terrible at just plainly talking about how she feels."

"How do you know she even wants to?" Aoi asked.

"She's trying in her own way."

"Is that why she 'negotiated' with us to have you play a solo?" Aoi said, folding her arms.

"She does get too extreme." Kaori smile began to lighten. "But it's to make up for last year."

"The audition?" Haruka asked.

Kaori nodded. "It was a tough situation for her."

"She didn't even talk to you on the day itself."

"It was Asuka's way of avoiding the issue." Kaori sighed. "It was partly my fault too. I insisted she tell me the truth: who she thought was better. But I also told her I couldn't bear her saying Kousaka-chan should play the solo."

Aoi rested her chin on her palm. "Wouldn't Asuka just lie like always?"

"I thought she would. If she really tried, it would have been impossible to tell. I like to think she didn't want to lie to me. Maybe she just couldn't."

"You and Asuka didn't talk about this?" Haruka said. "I thought you were close enough to rent a place together soon?"

"Kind of… it's hard to find her in the right mood to discuss things like her family. And that doesn't last very long before she uses humour or snide words to escape."

"Even with you?" Haruka reached out to hold her wrist.

Kaori's smile faded as she made a slight nod, placing her free hand onto Haruka's.

"So she's not as cynical as it seems," Aoi said, drumming her fingers on the table.

"I know…" Kaori started. "I know Asuka's being nasty, even vicious now. I wouldn't ask this from just anyone." She clasped her hands together, lowering her head as she turned to face Aoi. "I'm sorry for how she's been acting. Could you forgive her?"

Aoi perked up, her eyes widening. "You're not asking me to just give her want she wants, right?"

"Of course not. I know it's hard, but we're her friends. She still thinks of you as one even if she can't act like it."

"…Even though she blames me for what happened?"

Kaori shook her head. "It's just hard for her, associating you with that fight."

Aoi pinched the bridge of her nose, stifling another sigh. "How can she pretend to be mature and not be able to manage something like this…"

"We all have our flaws. She may be brilliant, but she's suffering in other ways; Her parents are divorced, her mother is…"

"I get it, I get it." Aoi huffed.

"She's lonely too, you know," Kaori said, her melancholy smile resonating with Aoi.

She could imagine what having only one domineering parent could do to someone. But it was limited to an intellectual exercise. Loneliness, though, that was something she knew. The distance with her own parents was barely a crack compared to the rift between Asuka and her mother. Although Aoi blamed the endless praise she received as the cause of the disaster that was Kitauji, it also made her childhood happy. Asuka probably never had even that benefit.

Despite the anger Asuka's actions provoked, a kernel of guilt started to form. Just like everyone else, she still clung to the idea that Asuka was above her circumstance. In this case, to use it against her. She had never considered that their friend might be struggling along like the rest of them. After all, Asuka put in so much effort to hide it.

"Kaori," Aoi started. "You still shouldn't be apologising for her. I get what's going on, but she should say something herself."

She gave a reluctant nod in return. "I'll try and talk to her. But you know Asuka…"

There was a squeak from Haruka as she sat upright. "I know you two are closer now, but you and Asuka treat people so differently. Are you really okay with what's happening?"

"Of course," Kaori's cheek rose, the grin forcing her to squint. "I love her."

Aoi's heart fluttered, yet she maintained her outward composure, only tilting her head slightly. A stark contrast to Haruka, who could hardly subdue her reaction. She squirmed in her chair, the lines between confusion and excitement becoming non-existent to her. As if on cue, the music in the café moved on to Help!.

"It's like how you love us, right?" Aoi asked tentatively. "Or how you care about Yoshikawa-san."

Kaori shook her head, grin unbroken. "I do love you all. Yuuko-chan too. But the way I feel about Asuka is different. Special." She patted Haruka shoulder, trying to calm her down. "I think all of you always knew."

Aoi was prepared to nod along, but Haruka's outburst cut her off. "We didn't!... Well, maybe we could have guessed it."

"It's hard to tell sometimes, isn't it?" Kaori said with a giggle. "I wasn't sure what we were until graduation."

The smile on Aoi's face gradually warmed, though she kept shaking her head. "How does a nice girl like you fall in love with someone like her?"

"We're more similar than you think."

"I don't think I've ever heard you say something nasty to someone."

"We're both kind of selfish." Kaori chuckled.

"How? Out of the four of us, Asuka was the only person that stayed out of the fighting in second year. Kaori… you even begged."

"Why were you trying so hard to get them to stay?" Kaori replied.

Aoi's mouth hung open, stumbling as she started her reply. It was natural to claim she fought out of a sense of justice. Not only was it an appropriate reason, but it was also partially true. On any other day, Aoi would not have hesitated with her half-truth. Now, it seemed too close to what Asuka would do. She shuddered at the thought, drawing back into her seat.

"It's complicated for everyone," Kaori said before turning to Haruka with a smile. "Except for you."

"Huh?" She squeaked.

"You're transparent," Kaori continued with a smile.

Haruka's lips curled into a pout. "What's that supposed to mean? I'm glass or something?"

"Clear like spring water," Kaori said, giggling. "It's a compliment."

"So I'm…?"

"It's so obvious that you don't even see it."

Her expression flickered but still settled back to perturbed. "You're just saying I'm nice again."

"You'll get it eventually," Kaori said, her eyes growing distant again.

"Aren't you the same Kaori?" Aoi asked. To everyone, she was a saint.

She shook her head. "I wish I could be. But I like to pick and choose."

"But you don't do it for yourself."

"I guess Asuka and I different that way," Kaori chuckled. "You know, you and Asuka are more similar than you think."

Aoi struggled to resist her face scrunching up into a deep scowl. "Is that another compliment?"

"Depends on you," She wore the brightest smile Aoi had seen in a while. "I think the two of you could have been better friends if things were different."

Haruka sprung back to life, her expression brimming as well. "See! I'm not the only one who thinks that."

"You really want the four of us to be close again, huh?"

They both nodded vigorously.

Aoi had no real memory of being a close-knit group, but she seemed to be the only one not under that impression. It did make some sense. The other three took up leadership positions to support each other. In fact, it was strange that Asuka volunteered at all, in Kitauji or now.

"No promises…"

"I know," Haruka said. "I feel like that about Asuka sometimes as well."

"She'll come around," Kaori replied before passing them the menu again. "Let's get something sweet. Like a parfait."

Even with exams looming, Aoi decided she deserved the night off in a cafe. Despite her best efforts, it was hard to lose herself in the mundane conversation. It was disturbing to think she had anything in common with Asuka. Maybe Kaori had meant they were both smart. It was what Aoi wanted to hear, though disproven in multiple exams and far too simple for her not to state openly.

An irresistible gravity was pulling them together. Aoi did not protest any of it, but that was when she assumed it was Kaori and Haruka dragging the four of them together. Which of them was in the other's orbit only grew more confusing. They could all be orbiting Asuka. That's how it would go if it were a shoujo manga. The euphonist would be their brilliant, troubled protagonist and the rest of them just the supporting cast. Aoi liked to believe they orbited a common centre between them. Maybe their individual gravities were not quite equal, but none of them should be reduced to being mere satellites of the other.

The Beatles continued to play on the café speakers until they left close to the last train, going from Something to And I Love Her. Though Norwegian Wood never came up.