Er Tai decided to make at least one of Qian Long's decisions for him by courting Sai Ya. Within days, Sai Ya had gone from setting her sights on Er Kang to refusing to marry anyone but Er Tai. Qian Long could find no way to deny the marriage.
When Qian Long told He Qi about it, she only smiled and gave away nothing of how she really felt about the matter.
It was only later, after Qian Long had left that she asked Zi Wei, "Is it bad that I only feel relieved?"
"You think I do not?"
He Qi only smiled wryly at that.
"Can I ask you something?" Zi Wei said.
"Of course."
"Huang Ah Ma has…many doubts about Xiao Hu as a husband for you, and I did try to provide him with another point of view. But I think even before our conversation started, Huang Ah Ma already knew he would have to agree to your marriage, because you have already made your feelings too publicly known for him to do otherwise without causing damage to you. I do not think he would so readily accept my perspective otherwise."
Here, Zi Wei paused, and gave He Qi a pointed look. Of course, she understood too well what her sister was trying to ask. It didn't mean she had to own to it unprompted.
"Was that what you intended?" Zi Wei pressed when He Qi just looked back at her with a mild expression.
"Yes," she admitted at length. "I mean, not necessarily in that moment. Xiao Hu's life was in danger, I wasn't really thinking of anything else other than begging Huang Ah Ma to spare his life. But I did think, later, about how this might be the only reason Huang Ah Ma would ever agree to this match. I don't enjoy seeing Huang Ah Ma being put in this difficult position, but I cannot be sorry for what it results in."
Zi Wei looked perturbed, and He Qi felt as if her heart has skipped a beat, wondering if there was any disapproval of her admittedly underhanded method to ensure that the dice fell in her favour.
"That is not…I do not mean to imply any judgement," Zi Wei said hastily, reading the expression on He Qi's face. "I know you and Xiao Hu care for each other, and I do believe you can be happy together. It is just that until now, all the time you have known each other is under this charade of identities. I just wonder if it would be better if you had more time to court without that shadow or risks of scandals hanging over you."
"In an ideal world, yes, of course," He Qi answered, somewhat ruefully. "But honestly, I never really expected to be given much time to get to know anyone else I might marry. And no matter how much time for courtship there was, I think marriage will always require adjustments, compromise and acceptance of each other. I have as much chance of successfully achieving all of that with Xiao Hu as with anyone else Huang Ah Ma might have chosen for me. If anything, the fact that there are feelings to begin with might make it more likely."
"I think Huang Ah Ma was counting on you marrying Er Tai," Zi Wei said hesitantly, watching closely for He Qi's reaction, "so you would have spent your whole life getting to know him."
He Qi sighed. "Yes, well…"
"Did you truly never consider Er Tai?" Zi Wei asked curiously. "Without Xiao Hu, would you think differently?"
"I think," He Qi said slowly, "without Xiao Hu, of course I would think differently. But isn't that the whole point? That there is that one person who changes everything?"
"Yes, I suppose."
"Besides, Er Tai deserves someone who adores him, and based on how she looked at him when we were all together yesterday, I think Sai Ya really is that person."
He Qi was aware that what she said was only partly true, and the other part the projection of her own selfish wistful thinking. But just because it was didn't mean it couldn't become true. She hoped it would, for Er Tai's sake.
"Well, with Er Tai settled, I think Huang Ah Ma will have to make the decision about you and Xiao Hu soon," Zi Wei said.
He Qi nodded; she did not dare to give in to the tide of hope wanting to flood her heart but still, she could help but pray that everything, in the end, would go the way she wished. "Did Huang Ah Ma say anything or seem any more amenable after you spoke?" she asked Zi Wei tentatively.
"I'm…not sure," Zi Wei said. "I don't think I can read him that well yet. But I have said all I could, I think."
"Regardless of how this ends up, thank you, Zi Wei."
"You should not thank me. We do not know if what I said did any good, and even if it does help Huang Ah Ma accept this, I only did what I should to help you, my sister."
He Qi could only smile and reach over to squeeze her hand. Zi Wei surely was too good to realise that among her sisters, such compassion and assistance without expectation of anything in return was not always guaranteed.
"I understand Huang Ah Ma's concerns, and before all of this, I never would have imagined someone like Xiao Hu either," He Qi admitted after a few moments. "But also, whenever I thought of marriage before, I'd always imagined it would be the end of a certain freedom that I've always had. I'd be expected to defer to my husband's opinions and hold his way of thinking as superior and not have another thought for myself for the rest of my life. And that outlook was always so depressing, so in a way, perhaps, Er Tai would have been an attractive option, because he would not expect that of me. But…"
"…but that would have been the only reason you would have considered Er Tai for a husband," Zi Wei said when He Qi did not complete her thought. It was not something she wished to admit out loud, because it seemed unkind to Er Tai, despite everything.
"Maybe we have known each other and been friends for too long," He Qi said, shaking her head hopelessly. "I cannot think of him any other way."
"You cannot feel guilty about that," Zi Wei pointed out gently.
She understood the logic behind Zi Wei's words. But it was one thing to understand; it was another entirely to truly accept it. "Maybe it is selfish but whenever I think about it, I can't help but feel how unfair it is that there is this expectation that just because we are friends, he should make an appropriate husband."
"It is unfair for Er Tai too," Zi Wei mused. "Er Tai is rational-minded enough to not let his emotions completely take over. I think eventually he will see it too."
He Qi sighed. "I hope you are right."
Zi Wei smiled encouragingly at her. "You just need have faith and time, Jiejie, where both Huang Ah Ma and Er Tai are concerned."
Qian Long really couldn't be happier about how Zi Wei and Er Kang found each other. Truly, there wasn't anyone worthier to whom he could contemplate giving Zi Wei, and the match also fulfilled his wish to have one of the Fu brothers for a son-in-law.
But because Zi Wei and Er Kang were so well-matched that he wondered even more about He Qi and Xiao Hu. He heard and took to heart everything Zi Wei had said, but that only did so much to settle the anxiety he felt.
That Xiao Hu had virtues, he accepted, but those virtues were also not impossible to find in other men. And yet He Qi had had years to choose from the many virtuous, noble young lords at her disposal but had never shown any interest in any of them until Xiao Hu came along. Was it only because he was different and a novelty, and if that was the case, what would happen when that novelty wore off? Qian Long did not doubt that she loved him now but was the foundation on which that love was based strong enough? He no wish to trap her in a marriage where she might grow dissatisfied with her husband and will then have no one to blame but herself. As far as Qian Long was concerned, that might be worse than the scenario that Zi Wei had drawn up, that she would always look over her shoulders wishing for what could have been.
It wasn't just He Qi's feelings that worried him. Qian Long could not quite rationalise Xiao Hu's apparent reciprocation of those feelings either. After all, wasn't the whole point of this exercise of switching places with Zi Wei because he could not bear life in the palace as the emperor's son? It would not be much better being married to the emperor's daughter. Could Xiao Hu love He Qi enough to give up the freedom he so craved all this time? What if, one day, the freedom became more attractive to him than her?
There was no way to find answers to these questions without talking to Xiao Hu. So, the next day, Qian Long found himself summoning Xiao Hu to Yang Xin Dian.
"I might have forgiven you for your deception in pretending to be my son," Qian Long said with no attempt at pretending to indulge in niceties, "that does not mean I have forgiven you for everything else you have done."
"Huang Ah – I mean, Huang Shang, I'm not sure I know what you mean," Xiao Hu said, looking slightly fearful at the emperor's unsmiling countenance.
"He Qi."
Xiao Hu swallowed and could only said softly, "Oh."
"Oh? Is that it?" Qian Long demanded, secretly feeling rather pleased that he looked even more intimidated now. "Is that all you can say about my daughter?"
"Of course not – " Xiao Hu started, but he was interrupted.
"What are your intentions towards He Qi?"
"Huang Ah – I mean, Huang Shang," Xiao Hu said, "I know she is too good for me. I know I can't dare ask for her."
"And yet she has tried to run away with you and then declared that she would live or die with you in the presence of half a dozen ranking ministers and officials, as well as dozens of palace guards. Do you imagine you can wash your hands of her now?"
Xiao Hu's eyes widened and it was clear, even to Qian Long's bias, that such a thought had never crossed his mind. That was something, at least. "Huang Ah – I mean, Huang Shang, of course I would never want to do that!"
"What do you want then, Xiao Hu?"
"I – "
He stammered for a few moments, and for the first time ever, Qian Long thought Xiao Hu was truly lost for words.
"Don't tell me when it comes to this, you suddenly fear to speak your mind!" he snapped.
"I really do not dare. She is your daughter and I have seen how much you love her. I am afraid I can't have been what you imagined for her," Xiao Hu said in a rush of breath.
"That goes without saying."
"I don't understand why she likes me, either," he confessed, "but apparently she does. And I like her too…I love her."
The last part he added, looking like he thought the emperor would order his head chopped off right there, but looking defiant nevertheless. Qian Long found himself feeling a strange mixture of annoyance at this confession and relief that it was stated so boldly.
"Why?" he only found himself asking.
Xiao Hu only gaped like a fish for a moment, before swallowing. "Why?" he repeated.
"Why do you love her?"
"Surely you must know…"
"She is my daughter, of course I know why I love her. Why do you?"
Xiao Hu gulped. "May I speak the truth?"
"You have better say nothing but the truth," Qian Long answered with a warning in his voice. "Remember, you are speaking to the emperor. Lies mean death."
"When I arrived in the palace, I was deep over my head. Once she found out my secret, Ge Ge could have reported me to you, but she didn't. She helped keep my secret, even though Huang Hou was suspicious of everything, and it endangered her too."
"You realise that telling me you knew you were putting her in danger but went along with it anyway does not in any way make you look good?" Qian Long asked sternly.
"I only meant, I am grateful for everything she did for me," Xiao Hu said. "But I don't love her out of gratitude. She is kind and courageous, not just in helping me. Surely Huang Ah Ma sees how, in the schoolroom, some of the princes and young masters can't seem to help themselves from dismissing everything she has to say and belittling her opinions. And she always only deflects them so patiently. I have only witnessed it since I came into the palace and I think it's annoying, but she doesn't show that it bothers her even though I think it must, even just a little. The fact that she persevered against all of that shows her dedication and courage and I admire her for that."
"So you do not think it is improper of her to join the princes in the schoolroom?" Qian Long asked.
Xiao Hu stared at him, astonished. "Of course not! If it were, Huang Ah Ma would not have allowed it all this time."
The emperor laughed. "It really is not proper," he said. "You really have no idea how many ministers have been against it – and is still against it – but when it comes to He Qi, I have always found it difficult to deny her."
"But why?" Xiao Hu asked, obviously still baffled. "Why should they care?"
Qian Long hesitated, because for a moment, it seemed that the conversation had derailed into something completely off-topic. But then, on second thoughts, perhaps not. If it turned out the way He Qi wanted, it would be Xiao Hu who would have to deal with the talks and censures directed towards He Qi, so perhaps this might be a way to determine how he would deal with it.
"It is natural that the ministers in court should fear that a princess with the…exposure I have given He Qi would form ideas above her station," Qian Long said mildly.
"What ideas?"
"She might think she can do things she has no right to consider."
Xiao Hu was outraged. "So what?" he demanded. "She is so smart; surely, Huang Ah Ma, you know that. I think she can do anything, even be emp – "
"Do not finish that sentence!" Qian Long ordered thunderously, which thankfully was enough to make Xiao Hu stop short. "How dare you say such outrageous words!"
Xiao Hu pursed his lips and asked defiantly, "Do you really not believe that she could?"
"That is not the point!" the emperor snapped.
But the truth was, he found himself torn between displeasure that Xiao Hu had dared imply such rebellious thoughts and being touched that he so obviously respected He Qi's intellect and abilities. Whoever married He Qi would have to understand that her intellectual pursuits were to be encouraged and nurtured, not merely indulged on a whim. That she was to be allowed to make her own decisions and think for herself, not dictated to. How was it that someone like Xiao Hu understood that when so many learned men struggled?
Forcing himself to adopt a calmer tone, Qian Long said, "I am well aware of He Qi's abilities, but it was her misfortune to be born a girl. If she were a prince, no doubt I would have great hopes for her. As it is…" He sighed. "It is not productive to dwell on this, and you would do good to let this go. For women, ignorance is always a virtue. Even if you do not like it, you would do He Qi a favour to not try so hard to go against that philosophy."
Xiao Hu looked dissatisfied but thankfully he did not protest. Qian Long had an uncomfortable feeling that he had forgotten what he was trying to get out of this conversation, or at least he was failing to get it. He did not need Xiao Hu to remind him of He Qi's virtues – the ones that few other people saw as virtues, at least. At the same time, the fact that Xiao Hu so recognised them showed that he saw her as she really was, and not just as the princess the world wanted her to be. If there was anything Qian Long had learnt about Xiao Hu over these few months, at least, it was that he did not believe in empty placations. If anything, his words were often brutal truths and if he praised He Qi, were because he truly believed what he was saying, and these were not the empty words of obligation one might hear from normal courtiers.
It was with a certain bittersweet feeling of knowing the inevitable was coming that he asked Xiao Hu, "Would you really be willing to marry her?"
"Yes, of course."
How could those simple words both reassure him and stir up even more, different, worries at the same time?
"What about the freedom you've wanted all this time? Haven't you always wanted to escape the palace?"
"I admit, from the beginning, I wanted to leave the confines and restrictions of the palace. But Huang Ah Ma, even from the beginning, there was always one reason that made me think about leaving with regrets. It was that I could not bear to part from Huang Ah Ma. And then…later…there was Ge Ge, too. I swear to you, it was her idea to runaway with me. I could never have dared suggest such a thing to her. But when she tried…the only thing I could think of was that I could not take her away from you. I couldn't do that to both of you. But I can't bear to part from her either…nor from Huang Ah Ma. So, now…if there is a reason for me to stay, it would be you both. And Zi Wei, too."
His words were not spoken in the most eloquent way, but Qian Long could appreciate that they were sincere truth.
"You said yourself that you are not what I imagined for He Qi. Zi Wei seems to think you can learn to become worthy of her. What do you say to that?"
"Huang Ah Ma, I know I am not much to brag about right now, especially next to Ge Ge. But I don't want her to be ashamed of me. I will try to learn the things you want me to learn. I will never be as good as Er Kang or Er Tai, I know, but I will try. I promise."
"And what happens when it all gets too difficult?" Qian Long asked, raising a challenging eyebrow. It was sufficiently formidable to make Xiao Hu look scared. "Would you want to go away and leave everything behind?"
"Huang Ah Ma, you know I am too selfish," Xiao Hu answered, earnestly tripping over his own words. "I want everything – you, and Ge Ge, and Zi Wei, and having all my friends around me, and my previous freedom too. But if I have Ge Ge by my side, I know I can't just think of myself anymore. I know how much it would hurt her and harm her if I just leave her, and I don't think I can bear to do that to her. So, I swear, no matter how difficult it becomes, I will stay by her side."
Was there anything else that Qian Long could demand after a declaration like that? Could he do it? Could he let go of everything else he had ever wanted for He Qi and accept this match?
Could he not, when He Qi had already forced his hand? The palace was already buzzing with talk, even if everyone fell silent whenever he was in sight. He Qi could not remain unattached any longer, not in the face of all this talk. Had it come to the point where the only choice he had left was to grant her marriage to Xiao Hu, and pretend that, after realising the truth of Xiao Hu's identity, such a match was his idea all along?
He looked at Xiao Hu unsmiling for a long moment, giving himself just a few more moments to weigh the young man up. To give in was to take an enormous leap of faith. He could only hope it would not end in disappointment.
"Very well then," Qian Long said finally, sighing. "I suppose, as I have indulged He Qi all her life, her marriage can be no different. She would only have you, and I do not think I have any other choice but to give in to her."
He was a little moved that Xiao Hu's eyes brightened with happiness at his declaration. "Thank you, Huang Ah – I mean, Huang Shang," he said.
When he was talking about He Qi, Xiao Hu had been caught up by his own emotions enough that he had reverted back to calling Qian Long 'Huang Ah Ma'. It seemed that now, after whatever mixture of adrenaline and intimidation was replaced by relief, he realised again that the appellation was not quite correct and was back to correcting himself midway. Qian Long did not stop him before, because, truthfully, he rather enjoyed seeing Xiao Hu flounder, but now he took pity on the young man with an exasperated sigh.
"You are to be my son-in-law, you might as well just keep calling me Huang Ah Ma."
"Yes, Huang Ah Ma!" Xiao Hu answered, grinning.
"Just know, if you ever make her unhappy, I will have you castrated."
Just because Qian Long's arm was twisted into agreeing to the marriage between He Qi and Xiao Hu did not mean that he had to act delighted about it in private.
"I still do not entirely like this marriage, He Qi," he said, looking severely at her across his desk.
"I know," she said meekly.
"I hope that you will never regret this, because this is forever, Daughter."
"I know," she repeated. "I won't regret."
"He doesn't have a family name, He Qi."
"His family name is Xia." She paused, waiting for her father to answer. When he did not, she added, "At least someone should carry on that name."
She expected him to be angry at her implied criticism, and held her breath, waiting for it. But the silence between them stretched on and it did not come. He only expelled a long, heavy breath and shook his head.
"You have loved him all this time, surely that can't have all evaporated now that he is no longer your blood? Surely the things you liked about him are still there, Huang Ah Ma," He Qi said softly.
"Yes," her father answered with a sigh, "but as a husband for you, I expected more."
"Like what?"
"A worthy occupation. Ambition to amount to more than what he currently is. At the very least. He does not show me that I should have much faith that he will be able to meet those expectations."
"I do not think it is hopeless, Huang Ah Ma. I know I am may biased, but I really do not think Xiao Hu is incapable. It is just that no one has ever counted on him to amount to anything. I think, with the right encouragement, and the right position, he can still do his part and relieve some of Huang Ah Ma's burdens."
Qian Long stared at her for another long moment. Then, he said, "You are set on him then?"
"I am."
He nodded in resignation. However, there was still some steel in his voice when he said, "If he ever mistreats you, I will end him, so help me – "
"He never will, Huang Ah Ma," she said softly, hoping to sooth his agitated emotions. "I know it."
"Do you? Do you really?"
"Huang Ah Ma, he is not a bad man by nature. You must see his kindness to the servants."
"Just because he is nice to the servants does not mean he will know how to be a good husband, He Qi. You betray your innocence if you think so."
"Have I not been taught all my life that I am to be my husband's property, therefore no better than his servant?" He Qi asked matter-of-factly.
"You are a princess! My daughter!" her father cried, his voice threatening to break for the first time in the conversation. "No matter what you were taught, that is what you will always be."
"I do think how he treats servants is a good indication of his character, Huang Ah Ma. A man can always pretend to act the part of the gentleman to those who he deems his equal. It is only with those lower than him that betrays who he really is."
"It is still not too late, He Qi. You can still agree to marry Er Tai. Tales could be spun to fit reality."
"How would you answer to Sai Ya's father? Besides, Huang Ah Ma, I really don't want to marry Er Tai."
"He would give you an easy life, free of any pain or worry. I cannot say I am confident Xiao Hu could give you the same."
"What if an easy life is not necessarily what I want?"
Qian Long could not hold back a bittersweet smile. "Well, I suppose no one could ever accuse you of not knowing what you want. It has always been thus. You would choose your own path, always, from your lessons, to friends you spend time with. Now, I should not be surprised that you would choose your own husband. You have grown, Qi Qi, and you don't need your Huang Ah Ma anymore."
"That's not true," she protested softly. She ventured to where he was seated and knelt down, grasping her father's arm. "Indeed not, Huang Ah Ma. I will always need you."
In the aftermath, it must be said that more than one person at court breathed a sigh of relief that Huan Yu Beile was really not of dragon blood, and that the emperor's lost son was really a daughter instead. It was strange, how the change from a Huan Yu Beile to a Ming Zhu Ge Ge managed to remove all the complicated dynastic swords hanging over their heads.
More than one family were even relieved that the emperor eventually betrothed this Ming Zhu Ge Ge to the first son of the great Fu family. The feeling wasn't born of any kind consideration for Young Master Fu's happiness. Rather, Fu Lun's political rivals were merely happy that the man's heir had decided to tie himself to a marriage that would bring next to no political advantage to the family. Even the Second Young Master's impending marriage to Princess Sai Ya was not a worry. After all, she was just a princess from a small tributary state, and the emperor had her father firmly under control.
No one could really rationalise Wu Ge Ge's apparent happiness at marrying a man who was now, for all intents and purposes, a commoner, and not even a distinguished one at that. Those who mourned the loss of her from the marriage market was comforted by the fact that at least she was not marrying one of Fu Lun's sons. That no one else could have a fair chance to win her either was a dear price, but acceptable under the circumstances, to pay to keep the prestige of the Fu family from rising even higher.
The emperor saw and heard all of this, so his decision to bestow on He Qi the title of Gu Lun He Hui (和慧) Gong Zhu and a manor outside the palace felt much like a move to make up for Xiao Hu's lack of status. The empress was horrified that the daughter of a consort who was without favour in her lifetime was granted a title that should rightfully only be granted to daughters of the empress. The fact that Huang Hou did not have daughters did not matter; it was simply not in line with the rules and principles of the palace.
If Huang Hou was scandalised that Xiao Hu was permitted to marry a princess, it was only out of consideration for the emperor and for the face of the imperial family. Still, when the emperor informed her of his intention to give blessing to the match, he did not do so to ask for her opinion. It was clear that the matter was decided; it did not much matter if the deciding factor was the princess's foolishness in revealing her feelings to the world, or the emperor's indulgence of those feelings. The emperor was only telling Huang Hou of his decision before telling the rest of the world because her position demanded the courtesy. The empress did not put in much effort to make more than just the cursory protests at the imprudence of the marriage, nor did she lose sleep over the fact that those protests predictably failed. After all, if He Qi was content to allow herself to marry so low, then the empress could allow herself to feel vindictive glee at her folly.
"Thank you, Er Tai. You saved me from a certain diplomatic disaster," Er Kang said sincerely as they stood in the courtyard of what would become Er Tai and Sai Ya's bridal chamber.
"Don't mention it, Brother. Sai Ya is, deep down, a very nice princess."
"And yet to have her, you gave up another very nice princess whom you would have preferred."
Er Tai watched the servants hurrying around, hanging up lanterns and red silk for a long moment before answering. "I…I will always have a very soft spot for Wu Ge Ge. I am not sure I can categorise what I feel for her into any particular type of feeling."
They were both too aware that Er Tai was simply saying this, and that it was mostly untrue. But then, what else was there to say? It would change nothing to admit the truth.
Er Tai cleared his throat, and continued, "Even if I could, it does not follow that she feels the same, or at least in the same way. It is as we discussed. There was once a time when I could have made her happy, but not any longer."
"Do you regret it?"
"No, not at all," he said with a smile, and this time, he did mean it. "She deserves happiness on her own terms. I've always known that, and I'm glad she found it."
"As long as you are sure you won't regret, Er Tai. After all, did you not say you do not wish to be second best?"
"I do not think I am second best in Sai Ya's mind. Her infatuation with you was just that. She is easy to please, and herself eager to please. I think we will do well together. So I assure you, Brother, I will not regret this."
Er Tai was fussing with his hat, which did not want to sit straight on his head.
"Let me," He Qi's voice sounded out behind him. Turning around, he found her standing there with a smile on her face.
He couldn't think of whether to reply, or indeed what to say, but she was already before him, adjusting the hat for him.
"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in the inner chamber with my mother?" he asked.
"Probably. But I'm early, no one shall miss me for a while. And I wanted to see you." She flashed him a smile. "To wish you happiness."
He smiled back, almost as an automatic reaction to her smile, and not necessarily because of her words.
She managed to straighten his hat. "There," she said, patting his shoulder. "Now you look as you should."
He nearly grabbed her hand as she pulled them away, but stopped himself in time.
"Your promise to me still stands, you know," he said.
Her smile was almost sad this time. "Yes." Then, she hesitated for a few moments before speaking again. "I'm sorry, Er Tai."
"For what? I am not sorry."
"I would rather you be honest with me."
"I am." It didn't look like she believed him, so he reached out and grasped her shoulder so that she could not turn away and would look him in the eye. "Believe me, I do mean it when I say I am not sorry about how things turned out. You will be happy, He Qi, and our friendship will be as it ever was. There is nothing wrong with any of that."
She looked up at him for a long moment, as if waiting for some sort of breakdown, or a sign from him to show he did not really mean what he said. When none came, she smiled yet again, her eyes rather glassy, and reached over to squeeze his hand quickly.
"Thank you, Er Tai."
It wasn't until she had disappeared, presumably to finally greet his mother, that Er Tai realised that that was more or less the first time he had ever called her by her name.
"Wu Ge Ge jixiang."
"Fu Furen," He Qi said, taking Er Tai's mother's hands, "congratulations. I am sure Princess Sai Ya will make a wonderful daughter-in-law."
"Thank you, Ge Ge, for coming. It is an honour to have you here," Fu Furen said, smiling. He Qi's heart lurched to find that there was something like regret behind the serene, smiling countenance.
Taking a deep breath, He Qi said, "Fu Furen, you know Ling Fei Niang Niang has been like a mother to me for years, and you being so close to Niang Niang, is also like family to me. As family, I hope you will be honest with me."
The older lady's smile faltered for a second. "Ge Ge, what do these words mean? You know I would never speak untruths to you."
"Fu Furen," He Qi said earnestly, "I know you…once harboured hopes of a closer relation between us. Please believe me when I say it would have been my honour, but…"
"Ge Ge," Fu Furen cut her off as she searched around for the appropriate words, "please say no more. And do not think you need to apologise to me." She squeezed He Qi's hands and sighed. "I admit, I have hoped one day to call you my daughter, but I understand that in the matters of the heart, it is best that no one is forced into compliance. I do not think my son would have let you go to someone who did not care for you as you deserve, so as long as you are happy, so will he be and so will I be."
He Qi pursed her lips against the tears that were threatening to overcome her. "Fu Furen, you are too kind. You know that Er Tai will always be a dearest friend to me, and I wish him all the happiness in the world. Zi Wei is my sister and as she will be marrying into your family, I hope nothing will change between us. You will always be a respected aunt and mother-figure to me."
"Of course, Ge Ge." Fu Furen patted He Qi's hand again. "Now, let us now dwell on unhappy thoughts. All my children will soon be settled with people they love, and I will be forever grateful for that."
Huang Ah Ma was not in a rush to marry Zi Wei off just yet and wanted a little more time to get to know his daughter. He Qi was grateful, however, when he chose not to extend that delay to her own marriage.
She had a feeling that her father understood her implicit fear, that if they waited long enough for Lao Fo Ye to return to court from her sabbatical in the mountains, her grandmother might put a stop to the whole affair. Her father might still have unexpressed misgivings about the marriage, but there really was little he could about it now that he had given the word, without losing face and endangering her future.
Her wedding dawned and He Qi found herself feeling an overwhelming sense of liberation. She could divide her life into two distinct periods. Before Xiao Hu, and After Xiao Hu. Before Xiao Hu, her life was mapped out and she was only expected to follow what was drawn for her. After Xiao Hu, life was full of possibilities, and she never knew what to expected one day from the next. She had never dared hoped for such a life before him, so now when it was what awaited her, her heart seemed overwhelmed with joy enough to burst.
Right along with her excitement, she could not deny there were nerves too, and it took considerable control for her to sit still and allow the maids to fuss over her hair, make-up and jewellery. When they were done, Zi Wei, who had been watching the whole process with happy smiles and tears, came over to sit by her.
"Jiejie, I cannot accompany you when you leave Jing Yang Gong, but I wish you and my dear Jiefu all the happiness in the world."
"I must thank you, my dear Meimei, for being the reason for my meeting Xiao Hu, for talking to Huang Ah Ma on my behalf, for supporting me all this time," He Qi said, taking Zi Wei's hand.
"What are sisters for?" Zi Wei said, smiling. Then, she reached up and delicately brushed away the tear that fell on He Qi's cheek despite her best efforts to keep them at bay. "You must not cry. Today is your day of great happiness."
He Qi could only smile back and squeezed her sister's hand. An announcement soon came from outside that declared that the auspicious time has arrived. Zi Wei put the red veil gently over He Qi's face and took her by the elbow, supporting her to the sedan chair and guiding her into her seat.
The curtain fell, and for a moment, for He Qi, it was as if the world had stilled as she sat alone in the red darkness of the sedan chair, savouring the moment her life prepared to be transformed. After this night, her fate and her life would be tied to Xiao Hu. She knew challenges still awaited them ahead, but, from now on, neither of them would ever be alone any longer. They would face everything that was waiting for them on the road ahead, together.
After the ceremonies, Xiao Hu was required to go and greet the wedding guests, and He Qi was left alone in the wedding chamber. She was not unhappy about the brief solitude; it gave her time to calm her racing heart and prepare herself for the night that was to come. She had been given as much information as was appropriate for a bride of her station to know. She loved Xiao Hu and trusted him to be gentle with her; nevertheless, she was nervous.
Her solitude did not last very long. The door opened and Sai Ya entered, chattering.
"Hi, I brought you some food. You must be hungry. I was starving on the night of my wedding. Whose idea was it not to feed the bride on the day of her own wedding? How is that logical?"
Sai Ya plopped herself down on the bed next to He Qi and thrust the bowl and spoon she was holding in her hands at her.
He Qi looked down at the bowl and laughed. She took the bowl from Sai Ya and nibbled at the doughy edge of a dumpling but did not bite it clean or swallow it. Then, she stood up and put the bowl on the table in the middle of the room, where trays and trays of peanuts, jujube, dried longans and lotus seeds sat.
"Why aren't you eating?" Sai Ya asked, baffled at her action. It was clear that she was still unfamiliar enough with Chinese food that she failed to see the obvious reason.
He Qi returned and sat back down next to her, smiling in amusement. "Where did you get the dumplings?"
"From the kitchen," Sai Ya answered. "I told them to make some food for you. You don't like them?"
"It isn't that. It's just, those dumplings are raw," He Qi explained, which just made Sai Ya even more confused.
"What? WHY? Why would they give me raw food for you? Why wouldn't they say anything? What if you ate it and got sick or something?"
"Because 'raw dumplings' sounds like 'birth obedient children'," He Qi said. "You asked for food for me, so I suppose they assumed you just wanted to give me good wishes. They probably thought you knew it was raw."
Sai Ya stared at her, open-mouth for a long moment. Then, she said, loudly, "That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Are you supposed to eat it?"
He Qi shook her head. "No, just pretend. You're supposed to ask me if it's raw, though, and I'm supposed to say yes."
"But if I'm supposed to know that it's raw, why would I ask you if it's raw?" Sai Ya demanded.
"So that I can say that it is raw, so affirming that I will bear the aforementioned obedient children." He Qi couldn't help but smile even more widely at Sai Ya who still looked so puzzled and unsatisfied.
"You Central Plains people have the weirdest customs," she declared. Then, jumping up, she said, "I'm going to go and demand they make you something proper."
"No, no, don't!" He Qi said, laughing and pulling Sai Ya down. "It's okay, I didn't mind. I'm not hungry anyway."
Sai Ya stared at her in disbelief. "How are you not hungry? You can't have eaten anything properly all day. Really, I told Er Tai he couldn't do anything before I got something to eat."
"Honestly, I am a little too nervous to eat," He Qi confessed.
"You feel that now, but you should eat. You're going to faint before anything exciting even happens otherwise."
He Qi coughed delicately and turned her face away, though she was not offended at Sai Ya's frankness. It was only in her nature after all.
"I'm fine, Sai Ya, really," she said reassuringly, though her companion did not look convinced. "Thank you for trying to bring me food though. I am touched that you thought of me."
"Of course," Sai Ya said, still looking a bit concerned. "Er Tai talks about you all the time, he says you're his best friend, so of course I want to take care of you."
"He told you that about me?" He Qi asked a little warily.
"Yes, he thinks you're brilliant."
At first, she wondered if Sai Ya was trying to hint at something by bringing up Er Tai, but then the more she looked, the more she realised that Sai Ya was totally free of any jealousy or suspicion. She really accepted that He Qi was just Er Tai's friend. It was a relief, because it was not something she wished to worry about tonight.
He Qi smiled and took Sai Ya's hand. "Er Tai has always been a good friend to me. I am glad he has found you and I hope you will be very happy together. I hope we can be good friends as well."
"Of course!" Sai Ya exclaimed cheerfully. "I like Er Tai very much, so I think we will be happy."
He Qi chuckled.
"It really is a pity you are getting married today," Sai Ya said. "If you had delayed it a few months, maybe I could have invited you home with me."
"You are going home?" He Qi asked.
"Yes, for a visit for a few months, maybe longer. My father wants the rest of my family to meet Er Tai, and he wants to go too."
"Of course. I hope you have a good time. But I must stay in Beijing, I think."
"Of course you must," Sai Ya said, laughing. "Your husband cannot spare you to accompany me."
He Qi blushed.
Before Sai Ya could say anything else, the door opened. This time, Xiao Hu entered.
"What are you doing here?" he asked Sai Ya, who stood up immediately.
"I'm just keeping your bride company," she said, grinning mischievously. "But now that you're here, I'm going."
He Qi was looking down at her clasped hands on her lap so she did not see Sai Ya leave. She only heard the sound of the door closing again, and then all was quiet.
Her heart seemed to be beating impossibly fast as she listened to the rustles of fabric which told her that Xiao Hu was approaching. Soon, he sat down next to her in the place Sai Ya had just vacated. Suddenly, she felt too shy to look up at him, though they had already shared their wedding wine before he went out to entertain the guests. He placed a finger at her chin and tilted her head up.
He was looking at her, a soft, adoring look in his eyes that seemed to rob her of breath. "He Qi," he breathed. "My wife."
Despite her inhibitions just a moment before, she could not stop the smile appearing on her lips now even if she wanted to, not when he was looking like she was the answer to everything he had ever prayed for.
It took He Qi several deep breaths to calm herself before she could whisper without her voice quivering, "I did not expect you back for quite some time."
Xiao Hu reached for her hands and raised them to his lips and kissed her knuckles. Then, with their hands still clasped, he leaned closer so that his face was only inches away from hers. "Why?" he asked. "Shouldn't I be here with my bride?"
He Qi stared into his eyes and hardly knew how she managed to answer, but she heard herself say, "Yes, but you could have stayed out there a little longer, to accept everyone's congratulations."
"If they wanted to congratulate us," Xiao Hu answered with laughter in his eyes, "they'd let us actually be together like we're supposed to be."
She couldn't help but smile back. "But our guests also all want to drink a cup with you and usually it's polite to oblige them."
"I'd rather drink my wedding wine with you."
He Qi felt her heart melt and the world blur around her. She could only see Xiao Hu and feel the warmth of his hands around hers, the breeze of his light breath across her cheeks. "You can be really sweet, you know that?" she whispered, because she felt she needed to say something to stop herself from leaning in and kissing him until neither of them felt the need to speak anymore.
He smiled back briefly. It was as if he could read her mind, because a different sort of spark appeared in his eyes and his hold on her hands seemed to have tightened. "Qi Er…" Xiao Hu whispered. His voice was now full of longing, perhaps the same longing she was feeling too.
This was all still so new, but He Qi found herself moving by instinct closer to him. He was so close now that she could count his individual eyelashes. There was a heat in his gaze that made her heart beat out of control...
Then, just after she parted her lips slightly – to speak, to breath, she was not sure – his descended on hers in a fevered kiss.
They had kissed before, but never like this. Before, he only dared to brush his lips gently against hers and despite the fact that she had initiated their first kiss, in all the ones after that, she was never bold enough to ask for more.
Now, his lips seemed to burn against hers, but she wanted more. Not wishing to break the kiss, she took a fistful of the front of his shirt to pull him as close to her as possible. His arms went automatically around her shoulders and pressed her to him as he deepened the kiss.
Lack of air forced them apart, but Xiao Hu did not seem ready to entirely let go of her. He was stroking the back of her neck with his fingers and the sensation was infuriatingly tantalising. It made He Qi shiver.
He must have noticed, because he swallowed visibly and made to move away. She grabbed his hand and held him back.
"Ge Ge…"
Her eyebrow shot up at the formality which was most unlike Xiao Hu on a normal basis. "What happened to 'Qi Er'?" she asked, pouting.
He laughed nervously; it was somehow reassuring to know that he seemed as uncertain about how to navigate this night as she was.
"I am afraid," he said as he stared at her, clearly not wishing to break eye contact. "I am afraid of alarming you with everything I am feeling right now."
As he said this, his thumb had slipped to the inside of her wrist and he was running it against her pulse point. She wondered if he could tell how fast the blood was racing through her veins.
"With anyone else, perhaps I would be frightened," she finally said when she found her voice in the tangle of emotions, needs and wants. "But you will be gentle with me, will you not, husband?"
Xiao Hu sucked in a breath and looked like the wind had been punched out of him. She wondered if the word 'husband' had done it.
He rested his forehead on hers and closed his eyes, breathing deeply. He Qi smiled and brought her hands up to cup his cheeks, which seemed to flush at her touch. He turned his face to kiss the palm of her hand and whispered her name.
"You are so beautiful," he said as his eyes fluttered opened. She could only keep gazing at him, the smiling refusing to leave her face. He smiled back and pulled her in closer by the waist. "So beautiful…and you're mine…"
He Qi was about to throw her arms around him with abandon and kiss him again, but then, that very moment, there was a knock at the door. It was as if the rest of the world suddenly intruded, and they sprang apart. It took several moments and clearings of throats before either of them was coherent enough for speech.
"Who is it?" Xiao Hu asked.
"Xiao Shun and Gui Hua have come to help Ge Ge get ready for bed," came the answer.
"Why couldn't they have come earlier?" Xiao Hu grumbled, which made He Qi smile in amusement.
"You were meant to stay out there a little longer," she murmured. Then, more loudly so that her maids could hear, she added, "Come in."
Xiao Hu looked like he thought he could do anything Xiao Shun and Gui Hua was meant to do, and was thoroughly disgruntled that she invited them in. He Qi felt a blush rising in her cheeks as she thought about how much she liked his impatience.
Thankfully, Xiao Shun and Gui Hua chose to wait a few beats before actually opening the door and entering, so she had enough time to place a quick kiss on Xiao Hu's cheek to placate him and promising more for later.
It still must be said that she had really never been less happy to see her maids. To their credit, they did not speak and only got straight to removing the numerous pins from her hair, combing it out, then helping her out of her jewellery and heavy gown and offered her a damp cloth scented with flower petals to wash her face.
Through the whole process, He Qi tried hard not to stare at Xiao Hu's reflection in the mirror, but she could still feel the heat of his eyes at the back of her neck. She had to try hard not to squirm. It was also impossible not to notice that Xiao Hu was so busy looking at her that he did not hear Gui Hua at first when she offered him a cup of water to rinse his mouth, and she had to call him twice more before he bothered turning to her. He Qi hid her smile in her own cup of water.
It seemed eons later when the two maids were finally done, but they left quickly enough, after each giving her a smile that was both conspiratorial and encouraging. He Qi couldn't help grinning back at them and watched as they withdrew.
As soon as the door closed, she felt Xiao Hu's arm wrapped around her from behind. She giggled at his haste and leaned into his embrace.
"We are finally alone, I think," she whispered to reassure him.
"I should hope so," he said impatiently. Sweeping her hair aside, he leaned down and placed a fervent kiss at the back of her neck. She trembled at the touch and gripped his hands tightly. He whispered, his lips still against her skin, "I have wanted to do that for so long."
He Qi turned around and wrapped her own arms around his neck. "Really?" she asked softly, smiling.
"I told you I might frighten you with the strength of my feelings," he said in a husky voice.
"I am not afraid," He Qi said again. "But I confess I am a little nervous."
"How can I help you not be?"
"Kiss me," she demanded.
This was a request to which he was too glad to comply. He leaned down, and their lips touched again. Without breaking contact, he pulled her close and took her into his arms, carrying her across the room to place her down on the warm, red cocoon of their marriage bed.
It was still dark when He Qi woke with the weight of her husband's arm around her waist and his gentle breath against her neck. She snuggled closer to him and felt him stir a little, murmuring her name, but he did not awaken. She smiled and closed her eyes again, savouring the warmth of his embrace, until she drifted back to sleep.