Character ages: Levi - 30/31; Natalie - 25/26; Erwin - 35/36; Miche - 34/35; Hange - 27/28; Eld, Gunther - 25/26; Petra, Oluo - 22/23
Just one quick mention, darlings! I forgot to tell you all that I have a website where you can meet my OCs and get a few tidbits from their lives prior to the start of the story! The website is listed in my profile here, at the bottom right next to the story title; simply remove the spaces in the link when you copy it into your browser. Natalie and her family are there, so do pay them a visit!
Alright, so as always my lovelies, go ahead and enjoy this chapter and don't forget to toss me a little review, to let me know what you think~ ;)
P.S. All Attack on Titan characters belong to Isayama Hajime. I only own my OCs.
7. Always something more
~ 849 ~
"Say, Captain..." Petra called out softly as she set down Levi's teacup. "Shouldn't you talk to Natalie?"
Looking up from the book he had been reading at the outdoor table, the man followed her gaze to where Natalie was sitting under a nearby tree. She hadn't spoken a word to him since that night five months earlier, outside of the utmost necessity. Of course, it hadn't stayed a secret for long as to why she was angry with him – and with just about everyone else that dared to cross her path. There was just no getting in her good graces anymore, no matter how anyone tried.
'And say what to her...?'
He agreed with Petra that he probably should have given it another try to settle the issue, but what would he even say? His last attempt, almost a month prior, had ended with her begging him to go with her as she always did. And he... well he had been more of a jerk than usual, threatening that if she tried to leave on her own he would expose her secret to Erwin and let him decide her fate.
'That just came out so wrong... what the fuck was I even thinking?' he sighed, recalling the disturbingly hurt expression on her face.
While it had had the desired effect of deterring her, at the same time he had never before seen a more agonized look in her eyes. She felt betrayed in her trust and it was only natural... as it was natural that she had been avoiding him ever since. He knew he should have apologized; told her that he had blurted that out in anger, and that he'd never actually had any intention of betraying her. So then... why wasn't he doing just that?
"I'm worried about her, Captain..." Petra said, drawing him out of his thoughts. "She... it doesn't seem like she can accept that Karl is dead. I'm worried about the effect this'll have on her; as long as she doesn't accept it, she can't move on either. I tried talking to her several times, but it just backfired and I only made her angry instead."
The sound of Levi snapping his book closed startled her, and she looked over to see him placing it on the table and taking a sip of his tea. For a moment afterwards he stared intently into the dark liquid, before setting the cup down and getting to his feet with a heavy sigh. Petra was right and he knew that; it had been going on long enough. Maybe... maybe there was a way to solve everything at the same time; he just had to do what needed done.
Walking over to the redhead, he watched as she shrank behind her knees with a frown, deliberately looking away from him. Taking a deep breath to prepare himself for the reaction he predicted she would have, he crouched in front of her and set his hands onto her arms.
"Natalie... look, it doesn't matter how much you deny it. Reality doesn't change just because we don't want to acknowledge it. It's time you accept that Karl is gone and that he's not coming back. It's time for you to move on—"
He would have said that it surprised him when her slap turned his head, but he had expected her to lash out somehow. Months of bottling up all her sorrow and anger certainly wouldn't just go away without an outlet. Still, if it helped her, he didn't mind being that outlet; at least he was grateful she hadn't tried hitting him in more delicate places. But he knew from experience just how poisonous it could be to hold back one's emotions, and how it could cloud the mind of even the most logical of people.
"Captain!" Petra called out in shock, taking a step towards them.
"Don't get into this." he ordered, reaching up to rub his jaw before turning his gaze back to the redhead to find her glaring murderously at him. "Not a bad hit... but you won't do shit against a Titan on your own, with this kind of pathetic strength."
All at once she seemed to come alive, her eyes lighting up and her lips pulling back to bare her teeth in rage. When she tried punching him, however, he used one of her own moves to deflect her strike. In the few seconds where she was dumbfounded, he grabbed her arms and deftly turned her around, twisting both limbs behind her back.
"You'll do nothing other than die, if you go out there alone." he scoffed in her ear, feeling her struggling to free herself.
For a split second she surprised him by butting the back of her head against his face, causing him to loosen his grasp just enough for her to wriggle away. Now that they were both standing, and with her looking just as irate, he sighed and removed his jacket. Throwing it aside he unbuttoned his sleeves, rolling them up above his elbows and then removing his cravat so he could pop his collar open for more mobility.
"Alright... if you can best me, I'll let you go look for Karl; I'll even come with you." he promised. "But if you lose then you stop with this idiotic obsession, and start focusing on moving on."
It wasn't a fair offer by any means, given that she didn't know just how strong he actually was. But whatever he had to do to keep her alive, he would do it. All that remained was to see if she would take the bait... and he knew she did, when she spread her feet apart to slip into a defensive stance.
'Good... I'm actually curious if you can even put up a fight.'
At first they both silently stared each other down, trying to guess what move the other would try first. Ignoring Petra's pleas that they wouldn't solve anything by fighting, Natalie at last lunged forth not with a punch; rather she intended to get close enough to deliver one of her fast kicks hoping to throw him off his game. What she hadn't expected, however, had been for him to employ her own moves against her. Using his forearm to block her strike, he then grabbed her ankle and used one of his legs to hook her other ankle trying to trip her. Fortunately for her he didn't put up any resistance when she pulled her leg free from his grasp, allowing her to pull back. And for what amounted to almost half an hour, he wrestled and grappled with her combining her own moves with their regular hand-to-hand style in ways she never would have been able to think of on her own. It was more than obvious that he had the upper hand and was just toying with her, always letting her go at the last second to give her another attempt at landing a hit on him.
"You didn't think I was watching you all that time for nothing, did you?" he smirked when her expression finally shifted away from rage, into a mixture of surprise and admiration. "But don't be too impressed... I could still take you down even with just our regular combat style."
Again she lunged at him in wake of his comments, and this time Levi didn't let her get away anymore. He assumed she had spent the better part of her anger and that she was getting tired, if her slower attack was anything to go by. Anticipating the very moment when her fist would have collided with his nose he tilted his head to let her arm slide past him, allowing her own inertia to throw her into his arms. From there he grabbed the back of her neck, spinning her around just enough to where he could hit the back of her knees, and planting her face into the grass once her legs gave way. Again he brought her arms behind her back, using one hand to hold her wrists in place.
"What do you think you can do out there, when you're not even strong enough to get me off your ass?" he demanded as he bent over her, frowning when she glared at him over her shoulder even as he used his free hand to press the side of her head against the ground.
He had expected that she wouldn't be able to do much against him; not because she herself wasn't strong, but simply because he was so far above everyone else. What he hadn't foreseen, however, was the way she was still trying to wriggle free from his grasp, which in turn caused her backside to rub against him. He could see it in her eyes that she would keep fighting if he released her, but he had to somehow change their positions before that got to his head. On that thought he leaned back releasing her just long enough to let her sit up. When she tried moving away from him was when he wrapped an arm around her just beneath her breasts, effectively trapping both her upper limbs along her body and pressing her back to his chest. The other hand he pressed to her forehead, forcing her to tilt her head back onto his shoulder – he certainly didn't want her hurting herself by trying to head butt him again.
Try as she might, she couldn't break free no matter how she struggled; his body was like iron, and by now the last of her rage was starting to fizzle out leaving only the crushing sorrow to take its place.
"I didn't mean what I said last time. I didn't mean it... I didn't mean it..." he repeated softly until she stopped struggling, only glaring at him sideways amidst the tears streaming down her cheeks. "I'd never do that to you."
When she closed her eyes he expected her to try struggling again, but it seemed she had finally run out of steam. Instead she only relaxed in his grasp, triggering his instinct to hold her tighter, and at last broke down completely.
"I know... I know..." he repeated as soothingly as he could, releasing her forehead in favor of wrapping his other arm around over her collar bone. "I know it hurts... I know..."
Even when the pain made her curl into a ball he didn't let go of her, instead only molding his body to hers. He couldn't tell how long he held her, feeling the sobs wracking her small body as if trying to tear her apart; hearing the agony and despair in her voice as she wailed. He was familiar with all of that; he too had felt it all those years back, even if he hadn't been allowed to express it. And so he only held her and stroked her hair, just to let her know that she wasn't and never had been alone in her grief. That he was there and would be there for as long as he could.
Eventually even her sobs gradually settled, leaving her feeling utterly spent and unable to put up any sort of resistance when Levi pulled her up to lean against him. He was right... she knew he was right. She knew there was no chance anymore, after all that time, for her brother to still be alive out there. She knew she had to accept that pain and allow it to push her forward, to make her stronger, rather than succumb to it.
"I know it seems like this is all there is now." Levi said again, his voice startling her out of that daze into looking up at him. "It feels like this void that sucks you in and tries to drown you. Like there's never going to be anything past this sorrow, this pain. But there is... there always is something more; someone else who comes along and pulls you out of that darkness."
If she'd had any tears left by now, she would have cried all over again at the kindness he was still offering her, even when she didn't deserve it. Even after she had tried assaulting him, he was still trying to get her back on her feet. And he was right... if anyone knew what she was going through, if anyone could relate to her grief, it had to be him. He was trying to help her, as he claimed she had helped him; and here she was, acting like a spoiled brat throwing a tantrum.
"I'm sorry..." she whispered so softly that even she barely heard it.
"If you're feeling better, that's all that matters." he replied, almost gasping when she turned to wrap her arms around him.
"I'm sorry..." she whispered again, her breath warming the crook of his neck. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..."
Though she would never see it his lips painted a rare smile on his face for but a moment, while he brought a hand up to rest it on her head.
"Dummy... just get better already."
~ oOo ~
"Hey, look what the cat dragged in."
Looking up at hearing Eld's remark, as she and Petra entered the mess hall together that evening, Natalie had to once again fight her awkwardness. It had been almost three weeks since she had talked to any of them, and she hadn't joined them at the table ever since her last argument with Levi. And she didn't know how to feel about the fact that they still looked happy to see her, when they had every right to be upset.
"See? I told you there's nothing to worry about..." Petra smiled, wrapping an arm about her shoulders. "We all missed you and we're just happy that you're feeling better."
"I'm just sorry we missed out on a good fight." the blond chuckled. "Petra said it was quite the show."
"I did not!" the woman retorted. "Don't put weird things into her head, Eld. Captain Levi didn't do that for fun..."
Though she failed to fully withhold a smile at their usual banter, the redhead ended up being silent throughout the meal only giving short answers whenever one of them tried to draw her into their conversations. True, she had come prepared to apologize but damn it, she was so embarrassed by how she had treated them recently. They had been nothing but nice and supportive, and yet she had lashed out at them for no reason other than her own selfishness.
"Wait..." she finally said just as the others were getting ready to stand. "I... I'll be right back, just... wait here..."
At that she hurried over to the kitchen leaving the others to exchange confused glances, before returning with a tray of small bowls.
"I... I wanted to apologize..." she stammered, blushing furiously as she frowned at the table. "I've been acting like a bitch, when you guys were just trying to help me. So... I'm sorry..."
Taking a sip of his tea while the others exchanged silent smiles at the redhead's heartfelt apology, Levi then reached over to take one of the bowls poking the jiggly white substance in it with his teaspoon.
"So what the heck is this?"
"Oh, I... found some rice in the pantry earlier..." Natalie replied, grateful that he had broken the awkwardness for her. "My grandma used to make rice pudding for me all the time, when I was a kid. At least until Mother forbade it, because I was getting fat. I'm sure it didn't come out as good as hers, but it should be edible."
'Also... I should thank Petra for tipping me off that you really like rice.' she pondered, resting her chin in her hand.
"Should be?" Oluo commented, staring warily into his bowl. "You're not trying to poison us, are you?"
"Huh?" Petra exclaimed. "What the heck are you going on about?"
"If I wanted to poison you, I would've done it by now." Natalie retorted, sounding somewhat amused despite her straight face. "Also, I wouldn't need to make it this obvious."
"It's good." Levi said, drawing her attention to the fact that he'd already taken a bite out of the dessert.
"Really? I'm glad you like it, Captain..."
"You know what? I'm going to go enjoy this with some fresh air." Eld said after seeing the way she was watching their squad leader, taking a bite as he stood and walked around the table. "It really is good..."
Tousling her hair as he walked past her seat, he left the redhead staring in confusion after him for a moment before Petra hugged her from behind.
"I'm gonna go enjoy it in our room. This is the perfect snack to finish reading that book." she smiled, grabbing the bowl afterwards and walking out after their teammate.
"What's with them?" Natalie asked in complete puzzlement, once Gunther and Oluo had also excused themselves. "If they didn't like it, they could have just said so."
"That's not why they left." Levi replied, leaning back to lounge in his chair as he sipped at his tea. "You were watching me with this dreamy smile on your face... they probably wanted to give us some privacy."
"Wh-what... I... was I?" she stammered while her voice went up a notch, blushing at his remark before lowering her forehead on the table to hide her embarrassment. "I apologize..."
"At least you're going back to normal. It's better than you glaring like you want to strangle me."
For a bit Natalie didn't answer and he didn't press her to talk, instead enjoying the pudding while he waited for her to recollect herself.
"You know, I'm curious about something." he said when she finally straightened in her chair. "It's something I've been wondering for a while now. And this might not be the best moment to bring it up, but..."
"It's alright." Natalie replied softly. "I promised, didn't I? I promised I'd always listen, whenever you feel the need to talk."
"Why me?" he asked, nearly cutting off her last word and prompting her eyes to widen. "You know better than most what kind of man I am... I'm thoroughly a product of my environment, and definitely the last thing you should want. I'm also... unable to become your lover."
For a split second he debated whether to address it so directly, but ultimately he had already started on that path. Maybe he would have eventually been able to have a relationship with her... but then what would happen if he died out there? Would severing that closer bond not hurt her even worse than just a one-sided romance?
"Lover means someone who makes a promise to be in a relationship with you in the future. As for me, I can't do that; I can't give you a future, when I don't even know if I could give you a 'next time'. I don't have your resolve to promise I'll live for you, or that I won't die, and I envy you for being so strong. I'm just a coward when it comes to that kind of thing. I suppose I'm simply... curious to know your reasoning. To know what you could possibly find so appealing in someone like me."
At first she watched him in silence, only taking in his words with that absurdly soft gaze. It was about halfway through his speech that she had realized what he was doing. Yet again, he was trying to protect her. Whether it was because she was too reckless for her own good, or because he had seen how it had destroyed her to lose someone she loved, she couldn't tell. But he was, again, being so impossibly kind – and yet this time she didn't want that kindness.
"Do I need a reason... other than, just because you're you?" she whispered after such a lengthy silence that he had started believing she wouldn't answer at all, and it was his turn to stare at her wide-eyed. "I could give you a thousand reasons if you really want me to, but none of them would be truer than that."
He would never admit it aloud, but after so many weeks of her hating him it felt like a blessing to see her expression softening in that way. With that tenderness that she only ever reserved for him; the one that warmed his chest, sweeping his stress and anxiety out of existence, leaving him feeling both content and longing for more. And he hadn't even realized how much he needed it, until she had stopped looking at him like that.
Picking up his teacup he took a sip and for a moment stared at the dark liquid reflecting the dull torchlight from the empty hall. How in the world did she always know what to say and how to look at him, to shut his mouth? She was such a strange woman. He had made it clear that he couldn't return her feelings, nor offer her a future, and she still held onto the promises she had made to him. But in all honesty, it did feel nice to know someone could want him... even as fucked up as he was.
That someone could see him for who he was and still want him.
~ oOo ~
~ 850 ~
It was a bright morning in Trost and Natalie was waiting patiently alongside her squad for the gate to open.
"Thirty seconds until the gate opens!" she heard Erwin calling out from his position in front of Levi, at the head of the Survey Corps. "All hands prepare to depart!"
"Geez, I'm tired of waiting!" Hange complained. "Hey, Levi—"
"No." the young Captain cut them off.
"I didn't say anything yet..."
"You want me to help you capture a Titan, right? I won't have any part in such a hassle."
The idiot had gotten that idea in their head for at least a year now, and had taken up the habit of pestering him to get his squad to help with the capture.
"What about you, Miche?" the Section Commander tried their luck. "You in for it?"
However, when the man only huffed and looked away, Hange sighed in resignation.
"The same dull answers from the same dull men. Say, Natalie... I know you're always eager to help me with my experiments."
"Well..."
"No!" Levi cut the redhead off. "I'm not sending anyone on my team off with you alone, you damn four-eyes. You already almost got Natalie killed once."
"I'm sorry, Hange-san..." Natalie replied with an awkward smile, secretly grateful that Levi had refused in her stead.
In truth she wouldn't have minded helping Hange, but with how reckless the researcher was she wasn't certain it would go well at all. But at last the gate was raised and on Erwin's order the Survey Corps moved out into the territory of Wall Maria. And then, of course, Hange couldn't contain their excitement any longer, riding right past the Commander.
"Geez..." Natalie sighed. "Hange-san just has no self-control..."
"Don't even think about following." Levi ordered just as she was preparing to spur her horse on and catch up to the overly excited Section Commander.
"But, Captain..."
"No means no!"
Fortunately the rest of the column eventually caught up with the overzealous Scout, just moments before a red flare went up from the right flank drawing their attention to the Titans approaching them on that side.
"Ness, take three other squads and handle that!" Erwin called out. "Everyone else, keep heading for the abandoned village!"
"Understood! Eike, Heinz, Sven, with me!" Ness replied, breaking off from the formation along with his squad and the others, to engage the creatures.
It was only later, after they had set up camp in the village, that they learned they had lost ten people in that attack. With the perimeter set up, Natalie had just finished watering her horse when the distinct sound of a flare startled her. Glancing around at the rooftops, she saw the red smoke coming from where Miche had been keeping an eye out.
"Movement from the forest!" he shouted, sending the rest of the Scouts into a frenzy as they prepared for an eventual attack.
"Erwin, I'm going on ahead!" Hange called out, jumping in the saddle and taking off before anyone could stop them.
"Wait, Hange!"
"Shit..." the redhead scowled.
Throwing the reins over Ran's head she too mounted and spurred him on to catch up. Levi would probably be furious with her for going off like that, but there was no way she could leave Hange out there alone.
"Stop, Natalie!" Erwin called out when she galloped past him, before glancing around to locate the one man he could trust to bring them both back alive. "Levi!"
"Tch... those idiots..." the Captain scowled, ordering the rest of his squad to move out.
Meanwhile Natalie had already followed Hange into the forest, trying to catch up.
"Wait, Hange-san!"
"I knew you couldn't resist, Natalie!" the researcher cackled. "Now... let's catch ourselves a Titan and show those boring old men. Oh, found ya!"
Looking up from Hange, the redhead spotted the Titan they were approaching. However she didn't get to follow them past the creature, leaving her to gallop behind it now as it chased after the Section Commander.
"Be careful, Hange-san!" she called out when the Titan nearly grabbed them out of the saddle. "We need to regroup, we can't do this alone!"
"Oh, that was a close one!" Hange laughed. "Say, after we're done playing you want to take a walk with me inside the Walls?"
Again the researcher nearly got caught, their only fortune being that the creature hit a low branch and had to take a moment to recover.
"You crazy asshole..." Natalie huffed, reaching for the hilts to switch to her gear.
"Don't kill it, Natalie!" Hange called back as if reading the redhead's mind, while the Titan followed them out into the open.
"A-are you serious?! You really want to get eaten?"
She had just retrieved one of the hilts, trying to figure out how she would use the gear on flat terrain, when a red flare shooting past the Titan's face startled her.
"Over here!" Levi called out, having aligned the squad to follow them. "Natalie, get back in formation!"
"Hey! Don't interfere!" Hange frowned. "Nat and I can handle this!"
"I'm telling you we can't, on our own!" the redhead retorted while trying to rejoin her squad.
It was at that moment, however, that the Titan suddenly stopped chasing Hange leaving them all to watch it warily. Glancing around for a moment, as though it had just realized where it was, the creature then turned on its heel and ran back into the forest.
"Huh?" Hange blinked, spurring their horse to follow. "Wait! Where are you going?"
"Follow it." the redhead heard her twin whispering in her ear.
It had been quite a while since their last conversation, and thus Natalie felt compelled to listen. Ignoring Levi's order to not split from them again, she turned Ran around and spurred him to follow Hange. A short while later they emerged into what looked to be a huge clearing full of pleasant smelling flowers. The Titan had stopped in front of the lone tree growing at the center of the meadow, with its back to them, before it started smashing its head against the wood.
"What...?" Hange inquired, dismounting and approaching it cautiously. "Is this where you wanted to go? What are you doing?"
'This idiot...' Natalie frowned, getting off her ride as well and readying one of her hilts.
As she had predicted, the Titan did eventually shift its attention back to Hange who only narrowly escaped when Natalie grabbed them and took them up into the tree.
"Whoa, that was close!" Hange laughed while the creature moaned and growled on the ground.
"What are you doing?!" Natalie scowled when the Section Commander jumped back down, trying to approach the Titan again.
"What is it? Do you want to say something to me?" Hange inquired.
Clearly, in their curiosity, the researcher wasn't seeing that the creature was ready to attack, leaving the redhead with no option but to retrieve her second hilt and prepare to take it out. And when the Titan lunged at Hange again, as she had predicted, she had to jump down and slice off half of its hand forcing it to step back.
"Wait, Natalie..."
She was just about to push Hange out of the way, when Oluo caught up with them and hooked into the Titan's back to try and get at its nape.
"Don't kill it, Oluo!" Hange called out.
"Huh?" the man retorted, his moment of distraction allowing the Titan to grab him out of the air.
"Oluo!" Natalie screamed, wondering for a moment if she was about to watch her teammate die as the Titan tried to bite his head off.
To his great fortune, Levi managed to catch up in time to slice off the Titan's arm and free him, before taking the creature down himself.
"You alright?" he asked.
"Captain..." Oluo sniffled, his face full of tears of gratitude. "I'll follow you forever!"
"...Because you weren't going to do that before?" the redhead sighed, having walked over to check on him.
"You shut your mouth, wench! Don't ruin my emotional moment with the Captain!"
"Oh good, you're fine." she shrugged; if he had the time to call her that, then there was no reason for her to worry about him.
"And you?" Levi inquired, turning his attention to her.
"I... apologize for running off again?" she replied with a nervous smile.
"I was asking if you're injured."
"Oh... no, I'm fine."
"He was to be a precious test subject..." Hange lamented, watching as the Titan's body slowly disintegrated.
Finally triggered by that, Levi walked over to grab the researcher by their collar while they continued to mourn the loss of their subject.
"Shut up, you damn four-eyes!" he yelled in Hange's face. "If you want to become Titan shit, I won't stop you! But never endanger the lives of my team!"
"...Titans don't defecate." the researcher replied after a long moment of silence. "They don't have a digestive system, after all."
At first Levi could only stare at them, wondering if they really had just made light weight of the fact that they had nearly killed two of his team members. But when he felt his fist clenching and his urge to punch the glasses off their face skyrocketed, Natalie grabbed his arm.
"It's alright, Captain... no one got hurt in the end." she pleaded, staring him down until he shoved Hange away with an angry huff.
Biting back a relieved sigh, she briefly squeezed his hand before stepping away to take one more look at the tree. There had to be a reason why that Titan had led them there; and within moments she spotted something in the darkness of a large hollow in the trunk.
"Is that...?" she gasped, part of her hoping she wasn't actually seeing a corpse.
"What, what?" Hange perked up.
Spotting the cavity as well, they jumped up to examine the body.
"The emblem from the 34th Expedition... this soldier died a year ago. Their name was... let's see; I-Ilse... Langnar..."
Upon hearing the name, Natalie finally understood why she had been told to follow the Titan to that place.
"That's..."
"Hm? Did you know her?" Hange called out, still searching the corpse for anything of use.
"She was... my brother went missing on that expedition. I remember her from that morning; she was in the left flank that he was leading."
"Isn't that the flank Commander Erwin said was obliterated on that mission?" Eld frowned.
"Oh, hey... I found something..." Hange said, coming back down with what looked to be a blue piece of cloth in hand. "There's some initials sewn onto this; K.D."
"Isn't that the scarf Karl used to wear?" Petra chimed in, prompting Hange to approach Natalie.
"Do you recognize this? Was it Karl's?"
Accepting the bloodstained mass of blue silk, Natalie examined the initials for a moment before her gaze blurred with tears. She would have recognized her mother's handwork anywhere, from the particular cursive way she had sewn his initials in silvery thread.
"Mother gave him this when he graduated from boot camp." she whispered, burying her face in it just before Petra hugged her.
It was a mixed bag of feelings to finally have some confirmation that her brother was dead. If he had given that to Ilse, it was likely because he believed the woman would make it back and bring it to her. And while it gave her the closure she had desperately wanted, it also left her feeling numb and empty.
~ oOo ~
"How are you feeling?"
Startled by the young Captain's voice, Natalie looked up to find him standing over her. She had done her best to stay professional on the expedition, securing the scarf in her saddlebag and trying to forget it existed. But now that they were back at the barracks, she had spent the better part of that day just staring at it.
"Talk to me..." Levi said, moving to sit next to her in the shade of the tree.
"I'm... I don't know..." she sighed, tracing her thumb over the initials. "I suppose I should be glad that I got my closure."
"Idiot..." he retorted, reaching over to weigh a hand on her head. "Who could be glad about that kind of thing? The only upside is that you don't have to keep wondering about it."
Taking a moment longer to mull things over, Natalie then heaved one more sigh before moving to tie the scarf around her neck.
"I hope at least you washed that, beforehand." Levi said, staring disapprovingly at the dark stain on the material.
For a moment she blinked in confusion at him, before following his gaze and giggling softly.
"I did wash it... the blood was just too old to come off anymore, I guess. Also, I suppose I should go apologize to Commander Erwin."
"You don't have to; he's used to it."
"What...? Don't teach me bad manners, Captain." she scolded him. "I put the blame on him when it wasn't his fault. And... I knew deep down that he wasn't responsible for it. I just wanted someone to be guilty."
"I'll let you do it, only if you promise you'll never go chasing after that damn four-eyes, ever again."
"...I already apologized for that, didn't I?" the redhead pouted, prompting him to tousle her hair.
"Are you talking back to your superior officer?"
"Alright, alright... don't mess it up like that!" she replied, trying to swat his hand away and then covering her head. "Do you know how long it takes to untangle it? And you say you don't mind my sharp tongue..."
His huff drew her attention back to him and she was left staring at the smile playing on his lips. It was such a small, barely noticeable gesture and yet it could send her heart soaring like nothing else, making her feel warm and bubbly in a way no one else could. She didn't get to see it often, but every time his smile made everything just that little bit brighter for her. And right then, when his eyes met hers, it reminded her of his promise that there was something more beyond her brother's death; that life still went on and that it was still worth living.
'Yes... this is what I want to live for...'
"By the way, Hange showed me that notebook we found in the forest." Levi spoke again, startling her out of her daydreaming.
"What did you find?" she perked up, knowing there had to be a good reason as to why he was bringing it up.
"Aside from her mentioning that Karl saved her life and then died trying to save one of his own squad... there was something I wanted to ask you about. Maybe that ghost twin of yours can tell you about it and make herself useful for a change."
"Alright...?"
"In her last entry, Ilse wrote that the Titan she encountered spoke to her. Something about Ymir's people and that it called her Lady Ymir and showed her reverence, before killing her. Does that name ring any bells to you?"
"...Yes." she eventually replied after an awkwardly long pause.
More than her answer it was the hesitation in her tone that had Levi narrowing his eyes at her.
"Do you remember what we agreed on? Hm...? We agreed, right? Right? No more secrets..."
"I..."
"Don't tell him... not yet." her other self whispered urgently in her ear. "If they find out, they'll kill you."
At that she lowered her head and bit into her lip, torn between heeding that and keeping her promise that she would never lie to him. Frowning at her reaction, Levi instead reached over to grab her chin and gently draw her eyes back to him.
"Talk to me..."
Trapped now between his stare and the reminder that he had sworn to keep her secrets no matter what so long as she didn't lie to him, and her other self's frantic pleas to not reveal what she knew, Natalie had to take a moment to weigh her options. She still believed that there was no way she could change anything on her own, that she needed at least one other person to support her. So why not Levi? If there was anyone she should have wanted watching her back, wouldn't it be the one considered to be humanity's strongest soldier?
"Alright..." she eventually whispered, trying to ignore the way her stomach twisted nervously. "But not here... we need to talk somewhere we can be sure no one will hear us. If the wrong people heard this, it would cost me my life."
For a split second it caught him off guard to hear those words from her mouth, and he was left pondering just what in the world he was about to find out. But then, when he went to reply, he felt a chill rolling down his spine – the unmistakable feeling of being watched. It was precisely that intuition of his that had saved his life numerous times in the Underground, thus he had learned to hone it and heed it whenever it warned him that he was being followed.
"Tomorrow morning..." he replied after a moment longer. "Meet me in the training yard after breakfast."
"Huh? But—" she protested, only to have him once again tousle her hair.
"You're a smart girl; you'll figure it out."
~ oOo ~
The first thing she noticed that morning as she entered the training yard was silence. An unusual thing for the barracks, which she attributed only to her peers having not yet finished their breakfast. She had been much too nervous about her meeting with Levi to dawdle at the table with the others – especially since the Captain hadn't joined them that morning. Closing her eyes she took a deep breath of the crisp air, smiling softly when a gentle breeze enveloped her like a tender embrace, ruffling the collar of her shirt like it was calling her out to play.
After that... silence. The whole world was made of silence and embellished upon by the timid warmth of the early morning sun. It was so easy to pretend, if only for a moment, that nothing else existed in the world other than the sky, the wind, the sun and...
"Looks like you're in a good mood this morning."
...Levi. The sound of his amused tone drew her back to reality with the speed of a heartbeat, and when she opened her eyes she was rewarded with another one of his oh-so-rare smiles. The mere sight of it was enough to warm her more than the sun ever could, because though the golden light warmed her skin, his smile warmed the deepest parts of her heart that no other had ever reached before.
"Just enjoying a moment in the sun." she replied softly.
It was only afterwards that she noticed his jacket was resting on his arm rather than his shoulders, when he went to place it on the nearby bench. And when he rolled up his sleeves and popped his collar open, she all too suddenly realized why he had called her there. But... how were they going to talk during...?
"I've been thinking, since our last training session." he said, as if reading the question in her mind, his intuition yet again perking up as he spoke; whoever had been watching them the previous day was nearby. "That martial arts style you use is quite efficient. But it's one thing watching you, and a whole other to actually learn it hands-on. So for today, you're in charge... just try not to get too carried away."
At that he threw her a glance over his shoulder and the ominous glint in his eyes – despite the downright seductive note in his voice as he'd said the last words – drew her focus to the fact that this was how they were going to talk. He would allow her to use the guise of training him, as well as the rumors that they were far more than just friends, and she simply had to be smart enough to relay the information to him. At the same time, however, the situation itself raised a whole other question. Was he just being cautious, or did he suspect someone was actually watching them, perhaps with ill intentions? Regardless, she too removed her jacket and walked over to place it down next to his while exchanging a subtle nod with him.
"Then... show me what you think would be a good opening stance." she said, trying her best to play along like someone who was more than his subordinate in private.
Walking a circle around him afterwards, she then chuckled softly. She had seen last time that he was far better than this, and yet he was so good at acting like he wasn't. Halting behind him she took a deep breath as subtly as possible, and then stepped close to where her body was almost touching his. Maybe it was just her imagination, but she could swear there was a certain kind of current in the tiny space left between them; something that felt like it connected them in a way she had never before experienced.
"This won't do at all, Captain..." she said haughtily, placing her hands on his waist. "Here, I'll show you how it's done."
It hadn't really been her intention to use quite that tone with him, but if she was going to play her part correctly she couldn't just stop and apologize. That would be saved for later, and she got the feeling she would have a lot of apologizing to do by the end of that session.
"You asked me if that name rang any bells for me..." she whispered hastily, masking that by taking her sweet time in properly aligning his hips with hers, before trailing her hands up his ribcage towards his arms. "My 'ghost twin' told me once of this place where she resides with many others. Among them, there is a figure... a young girl who doesn't communicate with any of them. She doesn't even acknowledge their presence, and only spends her time crafting puppets out of the dust in that world. She makes them endlessly, rebuilding parts of them when they break. Yet sometimes they break beyond repair, and she discards them in favor of crafting new ones. My twin believes this girl might be... Ymir; the source of all of them."
"...Source?" he inquired, narrowing his eyes not so much at her explanations but at the way she was handling his body.
Oh, she was definitely enjoying her brief moment of dominion over him. And he would have been a liar to say he wasn't somewhat fascinated by that bold, dominant side of hers that she so rarely showed, especially with him. Relaxing his arms when she placed her hands on his skin, he allowed her to guide them and at the same time briefly eyed their surroundings, trying to locate their clandestine spectator. But then she leaned forth and the way her breasts pressed against his back distracted him, instantly pulling his mind towards the shape of her body.
'Shit...' he huffed to himself. 'To think I'd get sidetracked by that, right now.'
"See?" the redhead smiled, tilting her head over his shoulder to see his face. "Like this, it makes it easier to raise or lower your arm to block any incoming kicks, whether they're aimed at your legs or your torso. Just... let's see..."
'I'm so sorry, Captain!' she pleaded, feeling the way he jolted in surprise when she used her leg to part his own a bit more.
Again she circled him to examine her work, before nodding approvingly and stepping back.
"Shall we try it? Even if you fail to block it, I promise I'll stop before I hit you too hard."
"Big words from such a tiny girl..." he huffed, gesturing with his chin for her to come at him.
Fighting back the smile that tried to overtake her lips, she inhaled deeply while slipping into a more relaxed beginning stance. Though he easily blocked the kick she aimed for his right-side ribs, she didn't end her first attack there. Instead lowering her leg she used it as the focal point to pivot and deliver a roundhouse kick aimed for his lower back. Fortunately his reflexes kicked in before she had to stop, prompting him to turn sideways and block with his forearm, afterwards putting his own weight behind it to try and push her off balance.
"So you were paying attention." she chuckled, narrowly avoiding the embarrassment of tripping on her own feet when he forcefully shifted her weight center. "Then... should we try combining that with a hand technique?"
"Alright... show me."
"I'm afraid this won't work too much on Titans, but it works wonders on other people." Natalie replied, approaching him and reaching to the base of his neck exposed by his collar. "Did you know there was a story once, about this girl?"
The sudden shift in her tone earned his attention which he had been thus far using to try and figure out if they were still being watched, while Natalie started trailing two fingers down along his chest tantalizingly slow.
"It was said that in life she somehow acquired this powerful gift and then married a king." the redhead continued, her hushed tone and the playful smirk on her lips making it look like she was simply enjoying taunting him. "They had three daughters, but then the girl died soon after. Her gift was passed on to her children, and then to their children... until the gift was split into nine parts. You've already seen one of them; there are eight others."
In her gaze he read easily that she was referring to herself and her acquired ability. But... eight others? That sounded like a potential problem, with them unaccounted for. And then, though he hadn't been looking for it, he caught a flash of motion at the corner of his vision. Turning his head using the guise of clearing his throat, as if trying to scold her for going too far, he finally located their uninvited guest peeking at them from within the nearby building.
"And where did she hear this story?" he asked, reaching up to grab her arm.
He had his suspicions about why they were being followed, and if it was a spectacle their little spy wanted, that was what he would give them. On that thought he leaned in as if to kiss her, causing her to turn a deep shade of red, but with her arm in his grasp she couldn't step away.
"We're not the last of humanity." she whispered, trying her best to keep at least a semblance of a clear head.
It was when he froze, staring at her wide-eyed that she too finally noticed the guy watching them. Clenching her jaw in annoyance, and not wanting Levi's shock to ruin their efforts, she pulled her limb free and wrapped her arms around him using her own body to hide his stricken expression.
"I know it comes as a shock, but I've seen it..." she whispered, using the moment of closeness to say as much as she could. "She showed it to me, in her memories. This place is just one of several islands that surround a great landmass known as the Continent. There are other human settlements there; we're not the last ones."
Keeping a cautious eye on the spy as she whispered, pretending like she was simply sharing a tender moment with him, she at last saw the man disappearing back into the building.
'At least your lessons finally came in handy, Mother...' she huffed to herself, prior to whispering. "He's gone..."
Stepping back with the initial intention of apologizing for having to get quite so handsy with him, she instead grew concerned at the expression on his face.
"Captain..." she called softly, reaching to cup his cheek which to her relief seemed to snap him out of that catatonic state. "Are you alright?"
"Yeah..." he replied, recomposing himself with a deep breath. "I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that guy has something to do with your parents."
"I... what?" she gasped, the thought having never crossed her mind.
"Did your father stop believing you're trying to secretly marry me?"
"I don't... think so. But... ugh..." she ultimately groaned in annoyance. "I'm not ever going home again. Still, are you sure you're alright? I know that was quite a bit to swallow."
"Are you sure about what you just said?"
"I don't see why she would lie to me. The last time, she... she tried doing things on her own. She fled this place and tried to keep herself hidden forever, I'm sure you recall me telling you that. But that only ended up as a disaster. She thinks it was a bad idea for me to tell you all this so soon; but I don't want to make the same mistakes. If I'm going to try and change things... I can't do this alone. I'm just... sorry that you have to be one who bears this burden with me."
"I'm not." Levi retorted, earning one of the most innocent-looking wide-eyed stares he had ever seen on her face. "Now I know what I'm really fighting for... it's not just for the people here. It's to one day get out of this place and see the rest of the world. I'll leave this island with you, to see the same world you see."