Disclaimer: April is the cruelest month. Here's hoping that unleashing a little merriment will make things better. Enjoy!
Fleur Delacour was having a barely tolerable day. True, she had been chosen to be a TriWizard champion, but who else could the Goblet of Fire have possibly picked? That skank Eva Marie? Don't be ridiculous.
No, clearly Fleur was head and shoulders above her competition. Looking at the two boys crowding around her, she didn't think much of them either. The English boy was pretty enough, but too effeminate for her tastes. The caveman from Durmstrang didn't even have good looks going for him, but Madame Maxime had warned her about how the school was run by a murderer so she shouldn't take any of them lightly. But then, what would she expect from those Scandinavian barbarians but an unsophisticated brute?
At least there was a fire to warm herself by for the moment. It was a terrible shame to be in such a backwards, primitive place like Hogwarts. Maybe if she were an archaeologist the castle could have interested her, but all things considered, she was just pleased the British slobs at least had indoor plumbing.
Then a third boy walked in, and Fleur's amusement rose as she saw it was the young savage who had cut off his shirt sleeves the day before. Rumor had it that this was Harry Potter, the famous boy who lived. She hadn't gotten close enough to see if he had the scar, but a few of the local girls had been giggling about him at meal times. Normally, Fleur would be above caring about such gossip, but there was something very pleasing about those rippling muscles- unusual too in the magical world.
He came strutting up to her, and she forced herself not to laugh at his obviously star-struck gaze.
"Harry, what's going on?" the other Hogwarts boy asked.
"Excuse me," Potter replied as he pushed between the other two to get to Fleur. She may have been smirking while she watched. He nodded at her with a grin. "Hey girl, how you doing?"
If she weren't such a refined lady, Fleur would have snorted at his brazen attempt at flirting. Still, he was more amusing than most. She raised her hand and he took it and bowed low to kiss her just above her knuckles.
"Harry Potter, at your service," he added with a smile.
A lesser woman would have been charmed, she supposed, perhaps even getting a tingle somewhere inappropriate to mention in polite company. Fleur merely accepted with a casually haughty sniff, "I assure you, ze pleasure is all yours."
"We can fix that later," he shrugged but kept on grinning.
There was a flurry of excitement then as a number of adults flooded into the room.
"Amazing!" one of the British pigs gushed as he waddled inside. "A fourth champion! And our very own mister Potter, no less!"
"It is pretty sweet," Harry agreed. "I'll have to thank whoever put my name in."
"But of course he is lying! The arrogant brat!"
Fleur turned her nose up at the unwashed peasant with yellow teeth that began ranting. But a moment later, Harry Potter punched the greasy monster in the mouth, knocking him off his feet and sending a couple of teeth flying. A giggle may have escaped her as she watched the spectacle.
"Man, it's been too long since I've done that," Harry smiled before turning to an older British witch who was desperately trying to contain her laughter. "What's Snivellus doing here anyway? There weren't any Slytherins picked. Shouldn't um..."
"Yes, I believe Pomona should be here to support mister Diggory," the witch agreed. "Sniv- I mean, Severus, why don't you clean yourself up and go get the proper head of house instead of trying to insert yourself where you are neither needed nor wanted."
A man with a strange enchanted eye snorted his laughter. "Well done, Potter. Go on, Snape. No one asked you here."
"Aw, but I do so enjoy Severus' company," Dumbledore sighed. The British wizard was famous all across the continent- once upon a time for his defeat of Grindelwald, but in recent years, more so for his outlandish beyond words choices in robes. Fleur wondered, were those muggle firefighters dancing on the crimson affronts to fashion? And why were they all shirtless?
"Is this the behavior we should expect to see from Hogwarts?" the Durmstrang murderer sneered. "Somehow sneaking a second champion into the contest? It is an outrage!"
"I assure you, Igor, that I do not know how young Harry's name came out of the Goblet of Fire," Dumbledore replied. "Perhaps we should ask him? Harry, did you put your name in?"
"No, I wanted to, but I couldn't figure out how," he shrugged. "I was going to hit up Fred and George for some of their aging potion, but that didn't work. Padma refused to help me think of another way. But this is awesome, right? I'm going to have a kick ass time fighting monsters and stuff!"
"Harry, please contain your enthusiasm for the moment," the witch sighed.
"Sure, McG," he grinned. "So, what first? A chimera? Ooh, or a manticore? I doubt they'd be able to find another basilisk that could be a challenge, but-"
"Harry!" she scolded him and he quieted down although he kept on smiling.
Fleur mostly drowned out the rest of the conversation after that. Apparently Potter was in the contest now, no matter how that had come to be, and he was going to have to perform due to a binding magical contract.
Her allure was also clearly distracting him. As if anything less could be expected! She was female perfection made flesh, brilliant and amazing, and Harry Potter was still a mere mortal blinded by her majesty. His broad shoulders and arms stretched his shirt tight and she wondered about how he had been able to achieve such a physique while his face still showed a hint of boyish charm to it. He was three years younger than her...
But that just meant it would be so much easier for her to leave him wrapped around her little finger.
Harry was still shaking his head as he staggered back out into the Great Hall. Thankfully his honeys were waiting there for him, although Padma was looking worried again. It was kinda cute how she fussed over him. Parvati was just rolling her eyes.
"So, what's going to happen now?" she asked.
"Huh?"
"Are you alright?" Parvati added.
"Yeah, I just got hit by the Veela chick's juju again," he shrugged.
"What about the tournament, Harry?" Padma prodded.
"Oh, yeah, it's all cool. I have to compete because there's a magical binding or something."
"You say that like it's a good thing," she frowned.
"Don't worry, babe," he replied as he embraced her and kissed her behind the ear, right where she really liked it. She melted against him a little bit, and Harry hid his smirk in her hair. "I'm sure I'll be able to handle whatever they come up with. It can't be harder than the basilisk was- and that whiny ghost douche."
"As your girlfriends, it's sort of our job to worry about you," Padma answered as she pulled back from him, but she was no longer scowling.
"Oh, relax for once, sis," Parvati teased. "Let's hurry back to the Gryffindor tower already. There's bound to be a party going on!"
"Hell yeah!" Harry grinned, wrapping an arm around each girl and leading them up the stairs.
"I should probably try to sneak back to my dorm before I get in trouble," Padma said.
"No way," Parvati giggled. "You are not missing out on this just to go study or something. Or even worse, to let your nerves get you all frazzled. Nope, tonight you are going to party with the Gryffindors!"
"Fine," she sighed.
"Besides, with Harry becoming a champion, I'll probably need your help with beating all the other girls off."
"What do you think, Potter?"
Harry was eating lunch a couple of days later when that little runt Draco came over to bug him, preening like a doofus. "Look, Malfoy, like I've told both you and your mum already, I'm not interested. Go hit on someone that's into little wussy boys."
"I'm not hitting on you!" Malfoy scowled.
"Really?" Padma asked. "You do seem to have a strange obsession with bothering my boyfriend for some reason. Maybe Harry should have you charged with sexual harassment?"
"Yeah, but his mum is sleeping with the minister, so I don't think it would do any good," Harry shook his head sadly.
"My mum isn't-"
"Oh right, sorry, I forgot," Harry interrupted. He threw up his fingers to make completely exaggerated air quotes. "Luscious Malfoy merely does business with a bunch of rich old men, including her good friend the minister. Sure, nothing strange going on there."
"My father is not a prostitute," Draco narrowed his eyes.
"Look, you tell yourself whatever helps you sleep at night," Harry replied with a shrug.
Draco looked like he needed to go to the bathroom, although Harry supposed it was possible that it was one of those temper tantrum build up faces. But a moment later, he pointed down to a button on his shirt. "What do you think, Potter? Like the button?"
Harry stood up and leaned down over the smaller boy, putting his face just a few inches from the button. It said, 'Support Cedric Diggory, the real Hogwarts Champion.'
"Who's Cedric Diggory?"
Parvati giggled while Padma hid her face in her hands.
"Oh, you mean the Hufflepuff guy," Harry said. "I thought it was something about digging."
"What is going on here?" McG asked as she had come over to try to put a stop to whatever was going on. She had a bad feeling that Harry was going to end up punching someone again soon, and she was going to do her best to keep it from happening in the Great Hall.
"Draco's still upset that his mum keeps hitting on me," Harry said with a wink at his favorite teacher.
She stepped between the two of them and examined the button that Malfoy was wearing. "I think the message might be too wordy for a button. It's hard to read unless you're right up close with someone. Oh, but what's this?" McG had inadvertently tapped the button with her wand. "'Potter Stinks!' Really, mister Malfoy?"
Parvati giggled and wrapped Harry's arm around her. "Actually, he smells quite nice."
"It is a rather juvenile insult," Padma scoffed. "But then, this is Malfoy we're talking about."
"I'm more worried about the creepy stalker that's so interested in what Harry smells like," Parvati answered her sister. "We get enough of that from the other girls around here without having to worry about the boys."
Several seats further down the Gryffindor table, Colin Creevey blushed and tried to hide under the table.
"While supporting the competitors in the TriWizard Tournament is something to be encouraged, denigrating them will not be tolerated," McG scolded Malfoy. "Therefore, in five minutes anyone wearing one of these buttons will be losing ten points and serving a detention with mister Filch."
There was a flurry of activity as a number of people tore them off of their uniforms and tossed them away before they could draw her ire.
Draco pouted and removed his as well.
"A wise decision, mister Malfoy," McG said with a nod. "Why don't you and your friends go enjoy the rest of your meal?"
"Poor kid," Harry sighed.
"You have to wonder why he's always acting out like that," Padma added. "Doesn't he get enough attention from his parents? Maybe Harry's right about Luscious being too busy earning a living to be a good mum."
"I think it might be that he has two mums," Parvati countered. "Some people just aren't open-minded about that sort of thing."
"That could be why he keeps going for the strongest boy in our year," Padma agreed. "Little Draco is just desperate to have someone masculine in his life."
"Ugh, you're gonna put me off my food," Harry complained.
"We don't want that, mister Potter," McG said. "As a champion, you're going to need to be fit and strong to deal with the tasks."
"In that case, I've got this in the bag," he smiled at her.
"You'd better," she replied. "I've got a bottle of very good single malt riding on you. I'd rather not have to turn it over to Pomona if you lose."
"Are you gonna share a drink with me after I win?"
"You've clearly been spending too much time around Sirius Black."
"Like that's possible," Harry scoffed. "The dude's a barrel of laughs."
"He can be somewhat overwhelming at times," Padma disagreed.
"And all those stupid puns about his name," Parvati added.
"I just wish he'd stop trying to get me to drink tequila again," Harry said. "That stuff's nasty."
Just as he reached the Potions classroom and put his things down, the little Creepy kid guy came rushing in and claimed that Harry needed to go to something called the 'Weighing of the Wands.' Normally, getting to skip greasy's class would be cause for celebration, but Harry was confused about why they would need to weigh a wand.
The little piece of wood wasn't even a pound. Were there wizards seriously so puny that they couldn't carry one of them around or something?
Either way, Harry soon found himself in a room with the other champions. The Veela babe was looking all drool worthy again, Crumb was still grumpy, and the Digger guy was... something. Harry honestly couldn't remember the last time he noticed anything about anyone from Hufflepuff.
"Harry, darling!"
Oh yeah, and Rita Skeeter was there too.
"Hey, Rita, how are you doing?"
"Fabulous as always," she smiled at him. "How's my favorite celebrity?"
"Oh, man, I am totally stoked to be in this thing."
"Stoked?' she cocked an eyebrow at him.
"Yeah, you know, like... excited," he added. "I'm hoping I'll get to fight something cool like the basilisk."
"And how are your two lovely girlfriends feeling about all this?"
"Oh, you know," he shrugged. "Padma was a bit worried about it being hard or something. But I can handle it, I'm sure."
"So confident, Harry," she laughed.
That one really wild looking dude who sold wands was there, and he started doing something while Rita kept most of Harry's attention- when he wasn't glancing at the French babe, anyway.
"What of your godfather, the infamous Sirius Black?"
"You know, I'm not sure," Harry frowned. "Come to think of it, I haven't talked to him in awhile. I'll have to try to remember to give him a buzz later."
"A buzz?" Rita went pale for some reason.
"Yeah, you know, like a call," Harry replied. "I guess he'd be pretty stoked for me to get to do this stuff. Actually, he'd probably bet a bunch that I'd win." Harry chuckled. "I should probably get him to put me down for a hundred galleons or something. At least, if they don't have the odds stacked too much in my favor."
"You seem quite sure that you'll win," she prodded.
"Of course. Always bet on your success," Harry nodded. "If you screw up and lose, then you'll just want to work harder to win next time. Thicc Daddy taught me that."
"Ah yes, this mysterious mentor of yours," Rita perked up. "I have been unable to discover anything of him. Has this wizard hidden himself away, or moved to another country perhaps?"
"I don't think so," Harry scratched his head. "But, I don't think he's a wizard either. I mean, he knew about the magical world and stuff, but I've never seen him with a wand or anything."
"Perhaps a squib then," Rita muttered to herself as her floating quill made a note.
"Excuse me, miss Skeeter," Dumbledore interrupted them. The robe of the day was almost blindingly yellow, and Harry had to look away before he made a crack about him looking like a demented giant banana. "We really do need to inspect mister Potter's wand now."
"You keep your hands away from my wand!" Harry protested. He wasn't going to hand anything over to the Evil Headmaster. Dude would probably try to steal it... or something even worse.
"I don't understand why so many of the students are afraid to display their wands when I'm around," Dumbledore mused. "Especially the young men, for some reason."
"Mister Potter." It was the creepy old dude from the wand store. "I merely need to make sure that it's in good working order."
"Oh. Okay, I guess."
A few days later, Fleur had heard enough and decided on how to begin approaching her prey. The two girls from Ravenclaw had been helpful with all their gossip- the very petite Asian and her friend with curly red hair- and although they had warned her about how possessive the Patil twins could get over Harry Potter, she was too intrigued to let this opportunity pass.
Especially after she had learned that he was a parselmouth.
He was sitting in between the two girls at another table during lunch, so Fleur strolled over to them and glared at the two boys who had been sitting opposite until they fled their seats. She took the now open spot and gracefully sat down directly across from Potter. She flashed the trio a demure yet blinding smile. "Bonjour."
"Bonjour," Harry replied with an only slightly vacant grin as he had an arm around each girl.
The twins began to frown at her, but she noticed the one on the right wasn't as fervent with her annoyance. That could be useful. Fleur greeted the girls next and then asked, "I have heard zat 'Arry 'as the two of you as 'is girlfriends. Is zis true?"
"They're my honeys," he replied with a smile.
"It takes the both of us to try to keep him out of trouble," the twin on the left replied. "Even that isn't always enough."
"Relax, Padma," Harry said. "This tournament thing won't be a problem for me."
"I have faith in you," the other girl said, smiling at her boyfriend before glancing at Fleur. "I hope you're prepared to lose to Harry."
"So confident," Fleur scoffed with an oh so delicate hint of a snort of derision. "You are not worried zat 'Arry is younger and less experienced zan ze rest of us?"
"Harry's done amazing things," the one called Padma answered with a glare. "Have you ever faced a thousand year old basilisk?"
"Zat story is true?" Fleur asked, getting slightly more interested.
"Oh yeah, you should see Harry's sword," the other twin giggled.
"That's not fair, Parvati," Harry interjected. "You were the one that told me to stop wearing it to meals."
The one called Parvati giggled again and added, "That's because you kept poking me with it when we would sit down to eat."
"Oh, so 'Arry is already learning how to poke you with 'is sword?" Fleur wondered with a smirk.
"I could show it to you sometime," he grinned.
"I may just take you up on zat, monsieur Potter," Fleuer retorted with a grin of her own.
"But Harry was amazing before that," Parvati said.
Now that they were up close, Fleur could tell that she tended to keep her hair a bit more wavy and longer than her sister. Other than that, they did truly seem to be identical though.
"How so?"
"When we were still first years, he saved me and a couple of other girls from a fully grown mountain troll," Parvati answered, smiling fondly and leaning her head on his shoulder. "It was so romantic."
"Zat is impressive," Fleur nodded. The inner Veela was singing happily, a warm fire starting to spread. "So, you 'ave been together with 'Arry ever since?"
"Nah, I saw them when we were getting on the train ride to first come here," Harry interjected. "I decided that the two prettiest girls my age would be the perfect honey material. And after I heard them speaking to their parents in Hindi, we made a deal about teaching each other languages."
"You know, we never really did follow through on that," Padma frowned. "I think there's a charm for that sort of thing though."
"But I got right to work on teaching them frenching," Harry said.
Fleur wondered if something was lost in translation. "You speak French?"
"No, I mean frenching," he replied with a wink before pulling Parvati into a very passionate kiss.
On his other side, Padma sighed. "She'll be useless in Charms now." She interrupted them by poking Harry in the side. "We do have class in a while, you know?"
"You want to wait for your turn until later?" he asked with a confused expression on his face.
"I didn't say that," Padma replied in a husky voice. Then it was her turn to become lost in an embrace with Harry.
Fleur watched for only a second before glancing at the other twin who had a very dreamy far off look in her eyes. "Is it true zat 'e is a parselmouth?"
"Oh yes," Parvati purred while she blushed, still lost in a daze.
"Zat is good to know," Fleur said as the other two finally ended their kiss. Now it was Padma who looked completely flushed and yet also content.
"I see," Fleur muttered to herself. The girls were very pretty, and that might have been enough to intrigue her, but Harry Potter- the musclebound parselmouth- he was a true prize worth capturing. "I have decided."
"Huh?" Harry tilted his head and stared at her. "Decided on what?"
"I am going to seduce you."
"That's our boyfriend," Padma glared at her.
Fleur flashed her most brilliant smile, knowing her allure would be up to the challenge. "Don't be jealous- zat's just silly. I will seduce all three of you."
Her intention stated, Fleur rose from her seat. She watched as Harry gulped and looked her over. Padma was still frowning slightly, but Parvati looked a bit dazed.
She turned and left them, confident that they would be unable to help themselves from watching her walk away.
The sway of her perfect bottom was far too entrancing for them not to look, after all.
"Whoa!" Harry groaned as the French babe walked off.
"I'll say," Parvati nodded in agreement.
"You're drooling," Padma snorted at her boyfriend.
"How is that my fault?" he grumbled. "She was using her Veela juju again!"
"I know," Parvati sighed.
Padma leaned past Harry and raised an eyebrow at her sister. "What's that mean?"
"I've never wanted to snog another girl before," Parvati replied with a glaze in her eyes. She gasped. "Did I say that out loud?"
"Yes," Padma chuckled.
"As long as I can be there too," Harry sighed. "I want to watch."
"Of course you do," Padma snorted.
"I think that's fair," Parvati agreed before turning and winking at Padma. "Besides sis, then you could try to distract Harry. If you think you're up to it, of course."
"Is that a challenge?" Padma narrowed her eyes at her sister.
"I'm just saying what we all know is true," Parvati shrugged with a smirk. "Of the two of us, I'm the more fun twin."
She got up and walked off after throwing the gauntlet down, although not without glancing over at the French delegation as she left.
Padma grumbled for a moment before getting up to chase after her.
Harry sighed happily and watched them go.
"Are you alright there, Harry?" Dean asked.
"Never better, dude," he replied with a grin. "You know the best part about dating twins?"
"All of it?" Seamus laughed.
"Well, yeah, but..." Harry smiled. "It's when they get competitive. No matter which of them comes out on top, I always win."
He got up from the bench and followed after his honeys.
"Lucky bastard," Seamus muttered.
"I'll say," Dean nodded.
Parvati was waiting on a couch in front of the fireplace for Harry, who had sneaked out after curfew to meet Hagrid about something having to do with the tournament. Normally, she wouldn't be worried- that was more Padma's thing- but if Hagrid of all people was taking something seriously, then she was concerned that maybe this was going to be another of those times when Harry would charge blindly into danger.
It was one of the things she loved about him, but it also could be pretty nerve wracking at times.
Finally, the portrait opened up and he came in while taking his invisibility cloak off.
"Hey babe! You didn't have to wait up for me," he said as he came over and sat by her. "Of course, since we're the only ones up, we could do something fun."
"Not now, Harry," she scowled. He really didn't take anything seriously. "What did Hagrid want?"
"Oh dude, this is so frickin' rad!" Harry's eyes gleamed. "Dragons! I get to fight a dragon! Isn't that awesome?"
"A dragon?" she gasped.
"Yeah, babe, it's going to be amazing," Harry agreed.
"They can't- you can't-" For once in her life, Parvati was speechless. Padma would have laughed at her if the situation wasn't so dangerous. "But- oh, Harry!"
She launched herself at him, and Harry caught her and pulled her onto his lap.
"Yeah, I know, babe. This is a time for us to celebrate," he smiled. His hands slid down her sides. "And I've got a good idea about how to-"
"Harry!" she pulled back with tears in her eyes.
"What's wrong, Parvati?" he asked.
She could see that he was genuinely confused and she had to remind herself that Harry was more than a little crazy. Or dumb, maybe. But he did do okay in most of his classes, so maybe it was just that he had absolutely no common sense.
Or that he didn't understand that things that could kill you were horrifying- and definitely not cool.
What she wanted to say was something like, 'how can you not be worried?' but this was Harry she was talking about. Instead, she just sighed and laid her head on his shoulder. "If you get hurt, then we won't be having any fun broom closet for a long time."
"I'll be fine," he said.
The assurance of his embrace was nice and it did help Parvati calm down somewhat.
Of course, then one of his hands slid down to her bum. She couldn't help but snort. Harry was such a guy- a teenage guy with a completely one track mind. But, he was sweet, and he was getting better and better at driving her crazy, so soon enough all thoughts of the dragon were put away for the night.
She would just have to let Padma fuss over him.
But all too soon, the day of the first task was upon them. Padma had helped Harry learn the summoning charm- theoretically so that he could summon his broom and then use it to outmaneuver the dragon. While dragons could fly very fast, they were not nearly as maneuverable as a wizard on a broom.
It seemed good in theory anyway- although Padma was pretty sure that Harry would end up doing something ridiculous. That was just his way.
With a honey on either side of him, Harry was happily walking down towards the tent where he'd been told to wait. The girls stopped and stared at the enormous purple man that was in their path.
"Hey, Thicc Daddy!"
"Greetings, Harry," he replied with a deep voice. "I have come to see how you will fare with today's challenge."
"It's going to be so awesome," Harry smiled with a far off look in his eye. "I get to fight a dragon."
"I expect you will do well," Thanos said.
"Sure," he shrugged. "I can handle it."
"I see you are not wearing your sword today."
"Nope," Harry sighed. "They wouldn't let me use it in the tournament. Wands only, which sucks, but it probably would have made the dragon too easy to deal with anyway. This will be more fun."
"That's a good attitude to have," Thanos agreed. "Make me proud out there, and I may just have a reward for you later."
"Really?" Harry's eyes widened. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"
"It depends on how you do."
"Mr. Potter, what is the hold up?" McG asked, poking her head out of the tent. Her mouth fell open as she saw the eight foot tall purple man.
"Oh, hey McG!" Harry smiled at his favorite teacher. "The Thicc Daddy was just here giving me some last minute advice and stuff."
"What?" She was still staring.
"Please, call me Thanos," he said with a bow before turning back to Harry. "We don't want to keep you though. I will escort your girls through this crowd so that no one will bother them."
"Thanks, dude."
Parvati was first to grab onto her boyfriend and kiss him senseless. If only Harry actually had some sense. "That's a little taste for later if you don't get roasted out there."
"Now, that's some incentive," Thanos chuckled.
Padma was next and she looked him in the eye. "Be careful out there, Harry. Or else!" She kissed him and then pulled back. "I love you, you lunatic."
"Love you too, babe."
"Come, ladies," the Thicc Daddy suggested. "We don't want to miss Harry's performance. I'm sure it will be outstanding."
Harry waved as they walked up and then turned to McG who was still staring. "I'm ready, McG."
"That was this mentor you've spoken about?" she asked.
"Yeah, he's the one who helped me learn all about getting buff, and he's the one who first told me about the magical world."
"Hmm?" McG pondered. "I didn't see him carrying a wand."
"No, I don't think he has one," Harry replied before shrugging. "He's got this really cool glove though."
"Perhaps he's a squib then," she said. "They can make use of some magical items."
"I guess."
"Come along then, Harry."
One of the nice things about being escorted through a crowd by an enormous, muscle bound, purple guy is that everyone gets out of your way. Even Hagrid. The girls quickly found seats near Lavender and Hermione. Padma looked over at Granger, who appeared utterly terrified.
"That's a Swedish Short-Snout!" she yelped, pointing to the silvery blue dragon out in the enclosure sitting over a nest of eggs. "This is insane! Nesting mother dragons are the worst possible type. Everyone knows any creature is most dangerous when it's protecting its young."
"Fear not, young lady," Thanos replied. "Young Harry is quite resilient."
"Oh my god," Granger whined as she covered her eyes. "Someone's going to die."
"As long as it's not Harry," Parvati retorted. "I'm just worried about keeping my boyfriend alive."
"He better be careful out there," Padma added.
"Please, tell me he had a plan," Hermione pleaded.
"He said he did," Padma nodded.
"But this is Harry we're talking about," Parvati smirked.
"And he's a maniac," Lavender added.
"Yeah, but he's my maniac," she replied to her bestie. "I have faith in him."
"Why are you so confident, sis?" Padma asked.
"I may have promised him a special reward if he wins."
"What type of reward?"
Parvati leaned in to whisper in her ear, and soon Padma's eyes were nearly bulging out of her head. "Were you going to tell me about this?"
"I just did," Parvati giggled.
"But-"
"You don't have to come if you don't want to. But I want Harry to come back safe and sound."
There was a roar as the first contestant emerged from the tent.
Harry was trying to wait his turn, but it sucked that he had to go last. At least he got the coolest (and according to that one Baggy guy, the most dangerous) dragon of all as his foe.
The Veela babe had been blasting out her juju before she went out to deal with her dragon, and he was almost sure that she would demand that he do it for her. And if she kept smiling at him like that, he probably would have.
After that, Crumb the caveman slouched out, still with his permanent grumpy face on. Harry wondered what that dude's problem was. He was apparently famous or something, and he got to be in this sweet tournament, and yet he was still scowling all the time. What gives?
In contrast, this was the most excited Harry had been since the night of his birthday when his honeys told him to sneak into their room.
Man, he had thought boobies were the greatest thing ever last spring. But that night- wow! Padma and Parvati were seriously the best ladies in the whole world.
Now, on top of all that, he got a great big nasty dragon.
This was easily the best year of his life.
Rita had zeroed in on her target, the huge purple man sitting behind Harry's two girlfriends. She had considered writing a story about them- she could already picture some of the headlines like The Boy Who Loved, and He Needed Two Witches To Do It. The outrage could be hidden right in plain sight. The audience would eat it up and demand more. Rita would just have to be careful to stay on Harry's good side because she definitely did not want another visit from that deranged house-elf.
The things it had threatened her with did not seem physically possible, but she was not willing to find out just how powerful the creature's magic was. Not after seeing how it had slowly pulled all the limbs and wings off of a beetle and then fed it to a spider.
Rita knew when to pick her battles, and not to do so with dangerous people.
Besides, putting Harry in a positive spotlight was an easy way for her to keep a strong connection to the boy. He would probably always have the sort of fame that would mean being his favorite reporter was money in the bank.
Picking her way through the crowd, quill and paper floating behind her, Rita found her very large target. "Excuse me. Would you happen to be the mysterious mentor of our young mister Potter? The 'Thick Daddy' I believe?"
"Harry's been a good protege," Thanos said. "You can call me Thanos, though. Thicc Daddy is just a nickname some girls gave me years ago. I use it for the gym I run- it's catchy enough that people seem to like it. Besides, I clearly have gotten the results." He raised and flexed one watermelon sized bicep while winking at the wide-eyed reporter. "Today, I'm just here to support Harry as he takes the next step on his journey."
"Can you tell me more about your relationship with Harry?" she asked. "Inquiring minds want to know."
There was a roar from the crowd as the boy who lived made his entrance.
"We'll have to do that later," Thanos chuckled.
"Come on, Harry!"
"Accio Firebolt!"
Harry shouted the spell, pointing his wand vaguely in the direction of the castle, and then ducked behind a boulder as the dragon let loose a blast of flame. He realized that it probably would have been smarter if he'd asked one of his honeys to hold onto it for him instead of leaving it back on his bed.
Why hadn't Padma thought of that?
Oh well, he knew his brainy honey usually came through for him otherwise. And she had been the one to make sure he knew the summoning charm like the back of his hand.
His train of thought was derailed as the fancy broom came screaming into sight and Harry leapt onto it.
Cheers rang out as he flew up above the dragon. Harry grinned as he saw her. It was huge, black scaled, and with a wicked looking spiked tail that could probably kill a grown man.
Now, the girls thought his plan was simple- summon the broom, lure the dragon away from the nest, swoop in to grab the egg.
Harry hadn't been paying too much attention to the whole, 'you just have to get the golden egg' part though. Not when he had the chance to show this dragon who was the boss. Besides, it might be years before he could get a chance like this.
Therefore, while step one remained the same (broom summoning), the rest of his plan was not something that people would have seen coming.
Step two was simple- provoke the beast into using it's fire breath again.
"Your mother slept with a crocodile!"
Deep, booming laughter rang out from the Thicc Daddy. Harry knew he was on the right track.
"What is he doing?" Padma gasped as she watched her boyfriend- her almost definitely insane boyfriend- begin taunting the Hungarian Horntail. Otherwise known as the world's most dangerous dragon.
"Oh my god, oh my god!" Hermione was nearly hyperventilating nearby.
"Something crazy," Parvati moaned. She grit her teeth and scowled at him. "You better not blow this, Harry. I've got plans for tonight."
"How can you be thinking about that at a time like this?" Padma barely kept herself from screaming.
"How can you not?" Parvati replied. "Would you rather focus on-"
"That's right, and your dad preferred the company of snakes!" was the next insult from the crazy boy she loved.
"On Harry being out of his mind," Parvati finished.
"I thought we were going to do that together," Padma pouted.
"We still could," Parvati smirked. "You just have to decide to join us."
"Fine." Padma winced as the dragon blasted a gout of flame towards Harry.
"Protego!"
A moment later, there he still floated as the dragon had to take another breath before dealing with the annoyance in front of her.
Harry's moment had come. He rocketed over the dragon's head, swung back around and leapt onto it, grabbing one of the large bronze horns on the top of its head. He banished his broom over to the Thicc Daddy, who caught it while still bellowing out his deep, booming laughter.
While he may not have had access to his sword, Harry did still remember that nifty little spell he'd learned way back at the beginning of his first year. He transfigured his left hand into a Fist of Stone and began pummeling the beast, smashing into its head over and over again.
He was planning on going for the kill only after he'd given it a concussion.
"He is completely insane," Padma said, staring astonished at the things she could barely believe were happening in front of her. "Our boyfriend is insane."
"At least it can't roast him this way," Parvati added, similarly shocked by Harry's actions.
"I think he's given the dragon a black eye," Lavender gasped. "Look, it's all swollen."
"I can't look!" Hermione yelped. "He's going to die."
"Have faith, young lady," Thanos chuckled. "Harry is doing well."
"Doing well?" Padma gasped.
"Certainly," he nodded. "All creatures, even the greatest of predators, can be shown dominance by an overwhelming force."
"Harry isn't supposed to be asserting his dominance against a bloody dragon!" Parvati growled.
"What is he doing now?" Padma asked.
"Ah, pressure points," Thanos answered. "I remember how he argued when I told him that studying anatomy would come in handy someday. Of course, he was only ten at the time. But then, he has kept up his studies for other reasons in the years since."
"I think we should probably thank you for that," Parvati said as Harry seemed to be choking the dragon.
"What do pressure points have to do with this?" Hermione asked, her curiosity forcing her to speak even as she could barely watch through her terrified fingers.
"Harry is currently engaged in a maneuver that is commonly referred to as a 'sleeper hold.' The goal is to cut off blood flow and therefore render the target unconscious," Thanos explained.
"Will that even work on a dragon?"
When Harry had gone with his honeys to the library to look up information about dragons, the girls had made all sorts of suggestions and gone through the books to see what the different breeds could do. He had really only focused on a couple of things.
First, yes, the shield charm could hold off a dragon's breath temporarily. If not, dragon keeping would not be a viable form of employment. You know, since they would all be dead.
Secondly, he looked up the dragon's anatomy, and specifically if it had something similar to the jugular veins or carotid arteries of humans.
Years ago, the Thicc Daddy had taught him the danger of the blood choke, and how it could be performed with much less physical strength than typical strangulation. At first, he had thought that sounded lame, but Thanos had warned him exactly because of that. "Your enemies won't always be manly enough to look you in the eye when they try to kill you."
It was a good lesson. In fact, he had specifically not looked the basilisk in the eye when he had killed it.
And now, everything was coming full circle.
The Hungarian Horntail was sagging as he kept the pressure on, squeezing down on the sides of its head, near the tip of its long neck.
"It's working!" Parvati shrieked in joy.
"He's actually doing it," Padma said in a daze. Harry's craziness might have temporarily broken her mind.
"Really?" Hermione asked, lowering her hands to take a look.
"Yeah, I think the dragon is almost asleep," Lavender replied. "Wow, and I thought it was amazing when he beat up the troll."
"Ha ha! The boy must really want his gift," Thanos chuckled.
"What gift?" Parvati asked.
"I'm sure he'll tell you about it later," he replied, patting her gently on the back. The Thicc Daddy had to take care not to break these little mortals around him.
Cheers erupted as the dragon's head fell to the ground and Harry strode around it, heading for the golden egg gleaming in the middle of the nest.
"What is he doing now?"
The crowd was still roaring at his success when Harry went back around to the front of the dragon. He had talked to Sirius the other day, and his godfather had come through for him. Harry pulled the magical dog collar out of his pocket and enlarged it a bit.
It had a nice big HP on the tag. Everybody would need to know who this dragon belonged to from now on.
After slipping it on, Harry stood back and picked the egg up. Other than some laughter, the crowd mostly started to murmur to itself as he walked around behind it again.
He secured the egg in his left hand then reared back and slapped the dragon on the arse as hard as he could.
"Who's your daddy?" he bellowed.
"Completely insane," Padma gasped. Not only had Harry wrestled a dragon into submission, but now he was waking it up to gloat.
"Ha! I told you, girl. A show of dominance is necessary," Thanos replied.
The Hungarian Horntail roared back awake even as it swayed unsteadily to its feet. Then it looked into the terrifying gaze of the emerald eyed human. This one was completely lacking the fear it should have shown.
And it had won.
The dragon had to assume this was some new creature, some demon from another realm merely cloaking itself in the shell of a man. That could explain what had happened.
There was less shame in bowing to an otherworldly terror.
"I think I'll call you Sheila," the demon spoke.
The newly dubbed Sheila bowed before its new master.
Harry grinned at Sheila and scratched her on the top of her nose. Or snout, whatever. Now that she knew who was boss, he had a feeling that he and Sheila were going to get along just fine.
He winked at her and then strolled over to a tent where the other contestants had been watching. Crumb and the Digging dude had their jaws dropped in awe of how awesome Harry was.
Naturally.
But the French babe was looking at him as if she wanted to tear his clothes off and devour him. Maybe not even in the fun way.
Her Veela juju was also on full blast and Harry was struggling not to immediately run over and start snogging her.
But his honeys were pretty damn great. And Parvati had promised to celebrate with him all night long, so he forced himself to merely smile at the supermodel and keep on walking.
It was seriously one of the hardest things he'd ever done.
Hugh Hefner would have cut off one of his balls to have a chance with such perfection- and that dude had made a living out of banging smoking hot blondes. Harry would always consider it the most dire test of his willpower ever, much worse than trying to throw off the Imperius curse.
But then his honeys were there, smiling at him, and everything was okay.
Thanos followed the girls down to the tent as they had been quite eager to make sure Harry was alright. And, judging from the glares they were sending towards the French contestant, they also clearly wanted to protect their territory.
He had seen girls try to do the same thing over the years with him. They all wanted a piece of the Thicc Daddy of course, but he had to make sure they knew their place. No mere human woman would ever be able to control him, nor claim dominion over his heart.
However, Harry and his twins were mortals and bound to have different beliefs about those sorts of things. Thanos would let them do as they pleased, as long as they didn't interfere with the boy's path towards greatness.
Once the twins had taken a pause from repeatedly kissing Harry, Thanos stepped forward and offered over a wrapped package to his protege. "I believe we had a bargain. For such a glorious performance today, I bring you a reward, Harry."
"Wow, dude," he replied. "Thanks a lot."
"Open it later, when there are not so many watching."
"I will," Harry agreed and then smiled. "What did you think of Sheila? Isn't she a beauty?"
"Claiming a new pet?" Thanos asked.
"I was thinking it would be pretty cool to ride her into battle. What could be more badass than smiting my enemies atop a dragon?"
"Ha! I might enjoy seeing that someday."
"It's time for the judges to give out your scores, Harry," McG said when she stepped into the tent. "I am glad you didn't get hurt pulling that stunt today."
"It wasn't that bad," he shrugged.
"Go on, you rapscallion," she pushed him outside.
As his girls followed, Thanos turned to the relieved Scottish witch. "You aren't going to scold him for doing something so dangerous?"
"I know the lad well enough to know there is no point," she answered. "Besides, he is too headstrong to listen were I to try. Honestly, I'm mostly glad he was refused the option of trying to use his sword against that beast. We're lucky he wore a proper shirt for once too."
Thanos laughed. "Showing off the guns would have made for a better spectacle."
"I've heard him say things like that before," McG sighed.
Thanos flexed his own arm and winked at the witch. "Who do you think taught him that?"
Rita was glad that she had decided to play spy as she went to the tent to see how Harry would celebrate. Clearly, there was more to this Thanos fellow, and she was just the witch to get to the bottom of things.
Harry and Parvati had just left the Great Hall after dinner when she started leading him up the stairs.
"Where did Padma run off to?" he asked.
"She went to get things ready."
"Ready?" his eyes went wide. "So, we aren't going back to the party?"
"We're going to have our own private party," Parvati teased.
"You're the best, you know?"
"Just remember that when Fleur the Frenchie is trying to blast you with her Veela juju," Parvati grumbled.
"I did," he grinned. "She had it on full whammy mode when I finished up with Sheila earlier."
"I know," she sighed.
"Maybe I shouldn't be the only one worried about her," Harry said with a smirk. "She did say that she was going to try to seduce all three of us. And you're the one who said you wanted to kiss her."
"Oh, like you don't?"
"Well, kissing isn't the first thing that comes to mind when she does that to me."
"Of course it isn't," Parvati snorted.
They walked on for a moment, and Harry noticed that his normally fun and outgoing honey was uncharacteristically quiet. "Are you alright?"
"Yes," she answered all too quickly. "I'm just a little nervous."
"Why?"
Parvati looked at him and she saw actual confusion on his face. "You really don't know? We've never done this before."
"Well, yeah, but... I mean, you're my honey."
"So?"
"It's not going to change anything between us, other than having a new type of fun we can do," Harry smiled.
"I don't know how you can be so sweet on accident," Parvati chuckled and leaned closer to him as Harry wrapped his arm around her. It slowed their pace a bit, but she felt more relaxed- and she really did love the goofus. "You know, I was worried about you out there."
"Yeah, but this is me," he laughed. "Like I couldn't handle a little dragon? Ha!"
Parvati giggled at him. She decided to tease him a little bit, just to try to get him on the wrong foot for once. "You know, our mum had a lot of things to say to us after she caught us together this summer. She had so many lectures for Padma and I. But, she also seems convinced that someday you'll be our husband."
She let that comment hang for a moment and waited for his response.
"Hmm. Yeah, I guess so."
"You guess so?"
"I mean... we would have to find a place where I could marry you both," he shrugged. "I don't know if they allow that here. Maybe the magical world has different laws and stuff?"
Even with how easily he accepted it instead of getting flustered, Parvati smiled to herself. She knew they could do it back in India, but that was more a conversation for another day. Harry had passed the test.
Still, it was never too early to start thinking about what type of wedding dress she would want.
A minute or two later, they reached the seventh floor and the room that Harry's devoted little elf had told her about. Padma was standing by a door and looking very nervous. Parvati smiled brightly at her sister.
"Hey babe," Harry said as he walked over and proceeded to kiss Padma senseless.
She pulled back and blushed. "What was that for?"
"You looked like you could use it."
"I... well, yes," she mumbled before opening the door and leading them inside. There was a really big four poster bed waiting for them in the middle of the room.
"Cool," Harry whispered. Once the door was shut, he made sure both girls were standing in front of him. "Dobby? Initiate Operation Romance!"
With a loud pop, the room's configuration changed. A blazing fireplace was off to one side, a number of lit candles provided the ambiance, and Harry knelt down just as a couple of roses appeared in his hands. "Parvati, Padma," he handed each of them a flower. "I love you."
Padma had gotten all teary, so when he stood up, Harry went to kiss her first. Parvati was happier when it was her turn and then she sighed as he hugged both of them for a moment.
"So, can I open my two favorite presents now?"
"You mean us?" Parvati giggled.
"Oh yeah!"
"Alright, but be careful not to step on the runic circle," Padma said, pointing to a chalk outline on the floor around the bed.
"What's that all about?"
"There are certain rituals," she answered, blushing once again. "You know... for a witch's first time."
"Best day ever."
Author's Note: Something you'll see in a ton of stories is that Harry is completely immune to Fleur's allure because he's so head over heels in love with (insert female lead, often Hermione) and I am so incredibly bored of that trope. Therefore, this Harry's hormones very much enjoy how the 'Veela juju' affects him even as he tries to fight off temptation in order to keep his honeys happy.
As for the first task, I really wanted to rip off Sabin from Final Fantasy 6 and have Harry suplex the dragon. In the end, being slightly more plausible won out, so we only got a sleeper hold. ;)
Just how will Fleur try to seduce our trio? Find out more next time!