VIII

Rulers make bad lovers, you better put your kingdom up for sale

"I'm breaking up with Julie."

He announces the day after his parents visited him. They were supposed to have band practice but once they got there Luke decided to share the news with his friends. "I know I should've done it by now but I just wanted more time with her, I…" He can't continue, his voice breaks and he has to sit down because his legs won't keep him up anymore. He's literally breaking down. Luckily, both Alex and Reggie are quick to react, positioning themselves around Luke and giving him a hug. "I'm sorry guys."

"You don't have to apologize to us Luke." Says Reggie with a soft voice, while stroking his back. "We just wish you didn't have to do this."

"Yeah, just because we said you have to do this doesn't mean we want you to suffer." Alex grabbed his hand and is giving him reassuring squeezes, just like they do with him if he's having an anxiety attack.

He loves his friends, he can't thank them enough for what they are doing for him. He knows if they weren't there he would be turned to pieces because of the awful pain he's in even before he actually breaks up with Julie. Once they are officially over he doesn't even want to think of what will happen to him; maybe he will actually cease to exist, but he highly doubts it, that would end his suffering too quickly and if there's anything a mythological being can do is suffer for ages, just ask the titans in Tartarus or Atlas.

He knows he's bound to suffer for the rest of his existence. At least he'll have his friends to keep him company. That's something he's thankful for, he'll have his friends literally forever.

He wonders if he should tell them that he loves her, although that piece of information doesn't really matter right now, maybe his friends should know… Right? No, because this is not a happy occasion where they can congratulate him and celebrate the fact that for the first time in forever he's in love with someone. Right now, there is nothing to celebrate, this is almost a funeral and so there's nothing really other than mourn his relationship. That's why he dismisses the thought almost immediately because even if they don't already know, it wouldn't do him any good to say it out loud, it'll just sink in the knife a little deeper. So, he decides to keep quiet, there's no reason to make himself more miserable than he already is.

"Thank you for being here. I don't think I can tell you right now how much it means to me that I have you two by my side." He tells his friends, trying to keep his tone steady and not break in tears again. Both Reggie and Alex respond with big smiles before merging in a group hug between the three of them. That's when he can't keep his tears at bay anymore because above all, he has his friends and they'll never replace Julie but they can keep his heart beating. "I mean it, I love you guys."

"And we love you too, but you're gonna make us cry." Jokes Alex before Reggie immediately responds, almost with a squeak.

"Speak for yourself man, I'm already crying!"

And just like that, they can make him laugh. The tears are still there and he suspects it's not going to go away for a while but at least his laughter hasn't gone anywhere and his friends definitely aren't leaving him.

"I just want to ask you for a favor." He announces once they have stopped laughing and there's no new tears running down his cheeks. Now that they are just sitting and can see each other he feels like it's the moment to explain himself. "I'm going to break up with her but before that I, uh, I was thinking we could perform together. I know it's not how break ups really go but we've seen her on a stage and I've been writing with her… " It takes him a couple of seconds to focus himself and give in the sadness that surrounds him, because it's really hard to keep at bay the memories of him and Julie writing and creating music together. He can do this. "We worked on a really great song and I'd love to perform it with her, all of us. I'll break up with her the next day or something but I want to share the stage with her, I want that memory of us singing together before I leave her."

It's hard putting his plan out there, voicing it out loud for other people to hear and yet he's aware that it's the easiest step of them all. The rest are going to be even worse and he's not eager for them to come even if the idea of performing with Julie is something that makes him smile, it's all very bittersweet for his own liking.

"Yeah man, of course we'll perform with you guys." Replies Alex, smiling at him reassuringly.

"Let's get rehearsin'!'' Announces Reggie with excitement, trying to cheer up Luke who, just as they stand up, brings them in for another hug; this time just to let them know how much he appreciates their support.

Most of that week is spent rehearsing with the boys, keeping the whole thing as a surprise for Julie with whom he makes excuses and doesn't really see until Saturday night. They have texted all these days but he didn't consider himself strong enough to see her before their performance. If he had seen her he knows he'd probably break down and that's not something he wants, he wants to leave her with good memories, with amazing moments she can still savor once she's old and wants to relive moments of the past.

When she arrives at Eats & Beats, it's the first time he's seen her since Tuesday night and he can't help but to hug her tightly, as if his existence depended on it.

"I missed you." He whispers in her ear before they kiss each other hello. They have to keep it shorter than he'd like because they are surrounded by people but he tries to make the most of it, leaving Julie without breath.

"I missed you too." She says, once she's able to speak again and leaves his side to say hello to his friends. "Hey guys! It's so good to see you." He loves seeing how honest she is about his friends and how much they genuinely like each other. He doesn't often pray but right now he desperately wants to pray that there is another universe where they get to be together and hang out with his friends and be happy.

There's no point in dwelling on that so he orders a round of shots, just as Julie catches up with his friends. "I'm excited to see you guys perform today. What are you going to sing? Luke wouldn't tell me." She complains, all pouty and looking like Carlos when he doesn't get his way.

"Actually, there's a reason he didn't tell you…" Alex has the voice he uses when he's about to tell a soul they are now part of the Underworld, he's being tactful and Luke appreciates it but there's no need for that right now.

"You're playing with us!" He announces, loud and excited, trying to hide all the sadness that has taken residence within himself. He can see Julie trying to process the information and how she goes from shock to utter disbelief.

"Oh no. No no no. Don't even think about it Luke Patterson…" She shakes her head and looks at him as if she has enough strength to turn him to ashes right this second. She probably does but he's not keen to test that hypothesis. "I'm not doing that."

"C'mon! We're not even playing as Sunset Curve tonight" He pleads because he wants this to happen so badly.

"Yeah! Tonight we're performing as Julie and the gods!" Announces Reggie in a chipper tone, not even phased by Julie's reluctance. Alex, on the other hand, looks at his friends as if he's done with their ridiculousness; the fact that he facepalms just settles it.

"I would like to exclude myself from that naming decision. It was all Reg's" Explains Alex because he hated that name and even if Luke agrees it is a very ridiculous one it is definitely fitting and he's always been one for inside jokes. Just this time he wishes Julie was in the know.

Julie's eyes have not left Luke's throughout the conversation and he can see out of the corner of his eye how his friends try to give them some space, which he appreciates.

"We haven't rehearsed. You could've told me and maybe…" She says, taking a step forward so that they can hear each other without raising their voices. "I'm flattered, I really am. Even if the name seems to be designed to flatter you three and not me." She jokes and he has to laugh even if she's got the meaning all wrong.

"Hey. Look at me." He raises his hands and puts them on both her cheeks, not only to make her look but also to show her that he really means what he's about to say. "The reason we didn't rehearse together is because you don't need to do that; you know 'Finally free' inside and out; you could do this in your sleep and even without our help. You are the most amazing musician I've met, you got this and if you think otherwise just remember that I'm going to be up there with you."

One he finishes she looks at him with so much fondness he physically can't. This is already hard enough so he takes a step away, his hands leaving her face and taking hers, squeezing a little bit. "So? What do you think?" He asks all hope in his tone.

She sighs and shakes her head, as if she can't believe herself. "I hate the name but it's a little late to change that right?" She asks, looking at Reggie and Alex so that they can step closer.

"Next time we can negotiate Molina." Concedes Reggie, completely forgetting that there's no going to be a next time after this one. Alex looks at him and silently mouths an apology on his friend's behalf but Luke is already handing out the shots to distract himself.

"C'mon guys! Legends on three." He announces and he doesn't even need to look at her to know that Julie thinks they are exaggerating but he searches for her eyes anyways and sees her shaking her head while looking fondly at all three of them.

After shouting legends and downing the shot they all share a group hug, just everytime they are about to go and perform. He tries not to hurt himself by thinking too much about how important it is to him that Julie is there; he tries very hard to shush every thought that reminds him that this could be his reality if only he was a mortal man.

They get called on stage twenty minutes later, giving them time to go over the song with Julie, something he still maintains she doesn't need to do because she's a natural performer. They agree to disagree, so to appease her they do as much as they can in those minutes, before a couple of guys start helping Alex with the drums and Reggie checks that everything is right with the sound.

He's about to help with everything but he's unable to as Julie pulls him aside and steals a kiss from him. It's passionate and fiery, as if the tequila completely emboldened her. This kiss screams desire everywhere and he's not sure how to process it but he's damn sure he's about to moan because of the way her lips feel against his and the fact that he can feel her body so close to his. He's about to lose the little control he has over the situation when, all of the sudden she breaks the kiss and bites his lip, all while looking very innocent. Huh, could've fooled him.

"I can't believe you convinced me to do this." It's all she says before taking his hand and walking to the stage.

Julie is the one that kicks off the song with her keyboard and her beautiful voice. Just as he expected, she nails every note and totally slays the piano. From the side, where he and Reggie are waiting he can see how the crowd is eating it all up. Honestly? Same.

"She's amazing, bro." Comments his friend while patting him on the back. Luke cannot do anything else so he nods because he wholeheartedly agrees.

When she reaches the chorus and is time for them to join Luke is thankful his body knows what to do because he cannot take his eyes off her. It's so different from performing with the guys or seeing her perform because even if he knows he's supposed to look at the crowd and hype them up all he's able to do is look at Julie.

He might as well be in the audience because he's completely under her spell.

For someone who's been the front man of a band for centuries, it strikes him how easily he's able to take a step back and just let her be the ringleader. She's so good at keeping the attention and making everyone try to sing along; she's a natural performer and is just so effortless to her but at the same time very genuine. Even if it pains him he's glad that he's going to leave her with this memory because he can see how much this also means to her and how much fun she's having.

Sharing a stage with Julie is making him fall a little bit more in love with her, if that's even possible. But she's been making him redefine everything since they met, this is no different.

He knows for sure he's fallen off the deep end when, almost at the end of the song, she comes closer and shares the mic with him. She's looking right into his soul while singing 'And you're a part of me' and he thinks he's going to die right there because there's no way he can fool himself into thinking she means it even if when he sings that same part he does mean it.

He's never meant something so much before. She has forever become a part of himself, the most important and treasured part of him.

Before he can do anything stupid, like kiss her on stage in front of everyone, she breaks the eye contact and finishes the rest of the song while looking at the public. Not him though, his eyes stay on her, even as they bow and leave the stage.

He doesn't get a chance to congratulate her because once they are in the backstage area his friends jump from excitement and pull everyone for a group hug, exclaiming how wonderful and amazing that was. Julie cannot help but to agree with them and once again he prays that there's another Earth where he gets to actually enjoy these moments without the sadness creeping up and setting in his head.

It was definitely the best of times and the absolute worst of times.

He doesn't realize his friends have left, probably to the green room to arrange their stuff. He doesn't have a chance to join them because suddenly Julie is in front of him, grabbing him by the neck of his shirt and getting him to her level before kissing him.

This is like the kiss they shared before getting on stage. It's all fire and passion, dripping in desire. It's his body reacting before he has a chance to stop himself and that's why his arms fly to her waist, to keep her close and be able to feel her completely. She doesn't stay behind, with one of her hands messing up his hair and the other one on her back, making scratches that cause him to growl at her mouth.

He's hungry and it's hard to remember why he's been avoiding this when she's biting his lip and taking his last bit of sanity with her.

He's about to start grinding her against the wall when he hears a cough which makes them stop dead in the tracks, both of them seemingly remembering they are still in a venue and there's people waiting. When he turns to face his friends he tries to convey how thankful he is that they have his back and are conscious enough to end whatever was about to happen. Someone else might be pissed about being cockblocked but Luke, despite everything, is grateful that he was stopped before he did something he cannot undo.

"We were thinking about getting some onion rings to celebrate. Want to come?" Says Alex and to his surprise, Julie is completely able to look innocent and sound completely coherent when agreeing to that plan. Meanwhile he's still a mess but is able to mumble something about his guitar before letting them get ahead.

Once he's alone in the green room, he collapses to the floor.

For two months he was able to keep a certain distance between him and Julie, at least regarding sexual intimacy. It wasn't like they talked about it but he was thankful that she seemed to want to take things slow between them, because he wasn't sure he wanted to sleep with Julie. It wasn't like he wasn't attracted to her or wasn't interested in sex, because he definitely was. She was a beautiful woman inside and out and he would've feel very lucky to have been able to have sex with her. But he felt like the situation wasn't fair. She didn't know who he really was and he felt she deserved to know the people she shared her bed with, she deserved to make that decision and he was not going to make it for her.

He's had sex with humans before so in theory it's nothing new to him. But this is Julie, someone he loves and cares deeply about; this is not a random person he's never going to see again. If that was the case he wouldn't feel so conflicted because if anything for gods is completely normal to have this kind of relationship with humans all the time, but he's always felt that the whole situation is awful because the humans are being completely deceived. He's already lying to her, the least he could do is not make her share her bed, naked body and soul to someone she doesn't completely know.

He loves her too much to do that to her and, besides, he's breaking up with her anyways. He's not going to be the asshole who sleeps with her and then leaves her, as if that was the only thing he was after.

He loves her too much to hurt her more than he already has to.

When he joins them there are no longer onion rings and Reggie is at the bar flirting with… Bobby? He cannot say he saw that one coming but his friend recently stopped hanging out with Kayla and Bobby is a nice person. It's just what he needs to drive all Julie related thoughts out of his mind, at least for a hot second.

"We are very shocked." Says Julie when she realizes what captured his attention. "But good for them, right?" She asks, offering him a drink when he sits next to her.

"Yeah, good for them." He answers, taking a small sip of his beer, because he needs to stay sharp for the night, especially after Julie curls up next to him, almost sitting in his lap. So much for a distraction; how naive he is thinking Julie has not taken his mind hostage and that's why every single thought is about her.

However, they don't stay very long at the venue. Alex wants to see Willie and Reggie hits it off with Bobby, who invites him to another place. Suddenly it's just him and Julie walking to her home and he doesn't realize how dangerous the situation is until they are upstairs and he closes the door.

Almost immediately he can feel Julie's fingers in his belt hoops, pulling him to be near her. He collides with her body and is about to apologize when she shuts him up, capturing his lips in a kiss that would make all their other kisses blush in embarrassment because of how hot this is. She's in control of the moment and Luke knows that he needs to do something but he can't, because Julie's tongue is in his mouth and all of the sudden he doesn't want her to stop doing that. His arms end up grabbing her by the thighs and when she surrounds his body with her legs he starts walking to the kitchen counter, where she breaks the kiss, but not to take a breath but rather to get rid of her crop top before kissing his neck.

He doesn't even get a chance to appreciate her without her top because she uses that damn tongue on him and just like that he's gone. He closes his eyes and has to prop one of his arms on the counter to steady himself otherwise he's afraid his knees might not be able to support him. "You like that, uh?" Julie whispers in his ear with a voice that's almost guttural and makes him shiver at the same time she bites his earlobe, making him moan.

He knows he's hard already and he also knows that this needs to stop right now, otherwise there's no turning back. He summons his last bit of integrity and manages to take a few steps back from her, clearly surprising her.

For a second he just looks at her while she catches her breath and notices her lacey purple bra which just makes him realize that she was planning this; she wants to have sex with him. It kills him not to be able to give her what she wants. Especially because he wants her as well.

"I'm sorry. I can't do this." He says and he feels like he wants to cry after saying that out loud, especially after looking at her facial expression which lets him know she's completely clueless.

"What? What do you mean?" She asks, now almost back to her normal voice but with a surprise hint on it. "Did I make you feel uncomfortable? I know we didn't voice our consent out loud but you seemed into it… Were you not enjoying this?"

His heart breaks because of how worried she seems about him and his boundaries when he's trying to protect hers. "No, is not that. I was clearly enjoying myself," he asserts to reassure her. He doesn't want for one second to think she's to blame, that would be too much. For a second her eyes fly to his crotch and he feels an urge to cover himself or something, because he feels very exposed. He doesn't do anything about it, even if the tips of his ears are a dead giveaway. "I just can't do this Julie. I'm… I'm very sorry." He mumbles, trying very hard not to cry.

"But why? I don't understand…" She takes a deep breath and he can tell she's frustrated by her whole body language. The way she closes her eyes, trying to regain composure, the way she runs her hand through his hair, giving herself a minute before looking at him right in the eyes. Right now she's pissed, instead of frustrated. "Luke, when I say I have enjoyed our relationship I mean it, I have. And I really love that we implicitly decided to take it slow; I needed that but right now... I want to have sex with you. Is it the only thing in my mind? No, but if we want to have a relationship is an aspect I'm not willing to sacrifice. Especially if you are not giving me an explanation."

There's nothing he can say to counter that, she's absolutely right.

"Julie, I…." She's expecting something he'll never be able to give him. He's never going to be good for her. "You're right you do deserve an explanation and you also deserve someone that can be in a relationship with you and satisfy all your needs. I'm sorry I can't be that person. Please know that these past weeks with you have made me the happiest person I've ever been. I'm gonna go now." He's crying now and he desperately doesn't want this to be the last memory she has of him so he hurries to leave the place even if it's a total cowardly move. It sucks that he can't see her because his tears don't let him, he supposes it's for the best, there's no way that after that the last image he's going to have on his memory of her is going to be a happy one.

Once he's in the shop he realizes this is the way they end, not with a bang but without an explanation. So much for wanting to leave her with great memories.

He stops in the middle of the aisles and takes a second to collect himself, at least to be a little less of the mess he is right now when he reaches the Underworld. He sits down right there, unable to collect himself, instead he's sobbing in the middle of her store, the worst place to be right now because even if the lights are off and everything is in storage everything still reminds him of her and how happy he was there.

He recognizes her steps and hurries to clean his cheeks before standing up and facing her. "I'm sorry. I'll leave, I just… I just couldn't bring myself to it." He says, voice completely broken because of all the tears. He can't see very well in the dark but he's able to notice that she changed her clothes and now is sporting a maroon henley he once left there which makes him feel like a puny insect because even now that she's mad at him she still took his clothing to make herself feel better. He also notices that she's been crying and that makes him hate himself even more; he doesn't deserve those tears. He doesn't want to be the cause of her sadness.

She doesn't answer and they just stay like that, looking at each other for a couple of minutes. He doesn't want to leave her like this, he had a plan and he completely ruined it just as he ruins everything. Looking at her he realizes she seems incredibly sad, she was angry when they were upstairs and understandably so but right now there's a halo of sadness that surrounds her; Julie who is the sun on any given day, whose smile can shine as brightly as the sunrise.

He did this to her, this is his fault.

It wasn't supposed to be like this, he didn't mean for any of this to happen. It was supposed to be fun, just have a nice time together. Falling for her is simultaneously the best and the worst thing that has happened to him because looking at her in this state just makes him feel completely horrible.

He doesn't know for how long they simply stare at each other, but eventually (and despite his common sense trying desperately to get him out of there) he breaks down, because he's weak and selfish. "I know I don't deserve it. But can I lay by your side one last time?" As soon as the words leave his mouth his common sense punches him metaphorically in the face, making him regret the words. He does not get to ask her that, not after what just happened so he tries to backtrack. "No, forget it, I'm sorry I shouldn't…"

"Okay." Julie answers softly, barely there. She doesn't wait for him and starts to climb up the stairs. After a beat he follows her, trying not to think too much about this ounce of mercy she's giving him (and that he doesn't deserve).

When he crosses the door she's already in bed, almost curled up onto herself, facing Luke's side of the bed. He takes out his shoes before climbing to his side, looking at her. They don't speak and barely even look at each other before she closes her eyes, trying to sleep or at least trying to avoid looking at him. He doesn't even pretend to sleep this time because this is his last time with Julie so he's going to simply watch her sleep and try to burn the memory of her onto his brain.

When it's close to sunrise, he leaves the bed because he doesn't want to be there when she wakes up. He takes his time leaving the place though. He'll never step foot here again and wants to give it a good look before disappearing to the Underworld.

He looks at Carlos and picks him up, because he's going to miss his furry friend. With the cat in his arms he walks around the place, trying to memorize everything while scratching Carlos' ears.

He looks at the walls, decorated with vibrant colors and adorned with her cute doodles.

He looks at her books and CD's, tempted to take one as a souvenir, but incapable of taking even more of her.

He looks at the bathroom, where his toothbrush inhabits. He knows it'll be in the trash soon.

He looks at her in bed, the most beautiful flower of them all. He's going to miss waking up with her hair in his face and her legs entwined with his. He's going to miss how perfectly she fits in his arms.

No one will ever compare to her.

Almost without thinking, he grabs the materials to make her breakfast. He needs to say goodbye but as he refuses to wake her up he decides this is a gesture that can convey what he means, or at least, he hopes it does because he's pretty sure a stack of pancakes cannot say "Hey, I love you but I can't let you know I'm an immortal being so enjoy your breakfast". He hopes it at least is the sweet goodbye he meant to leave her with.

He works in complete silence and once he's finished he stacks the pancakes in the microwave, putting a note on the door to signal where they are. His desire to linger is very strong but he knows that would be too much so, once again he picks Carlos up and looks at him. "Take care of her okay buddy? Please take care of her." He begs, before kissing the cat between his ears and letting him go cuddle with Julie, who is still facing backwards, leaving him unable to see her face one more time before he leaves for good.

Luke says a silent goodbye before turning, coming close to the picture she has of them on her fridge. Without thinking he takes it with him, because he assumes she'll never want to see his face again and he wants a memento of the one time in his life he was happy and alive.