Sasori, at the age of twenty five, sat inside his workshop was ambushed by Komushi two weeks after he arrived. He wasn't working on any puppets but instead, maintaining them. It was dark down here, his black clothes blending with the shadows only doesn't because of his red hair.

"Let me get this straight, you two were gone for ten years." Komushi was sitting on the wooden chair backwards, placing his arms on the back rest of the chair, while interrogating the red head. "Ten years of sightseeing under the pretense of building your 'spy network' and nothing happened between you two?"

Sasori remained silent, fiddling with the wooden joints distractedly.

"Sasori, my man, what were you doing for a whole decade with a girl and not making a move?" Komushi asked, distressed at the development of his friend's love life or the lack of it.

"I was busy with information gathering."

"And you couldn't find time to make a move in your romantic getaway?"

"It wasn't a romantic getaway."

"Po-tayto. Po-tahto."

"Stop that."

"I thought it was clear that you're over pretending you don't have obvious feelings towards Hatsue."

"Platonic feelings."

"I don't believe it. You guys were joined at the hip. Besides, you left when we were 15, you didn't do something impulsive like I don't know grabbing her and kissing her senseless due to hormones?"

"..none at all."

"You hesitated! C'mon, spill!"

"There were incidents... when I think we might have, however rationality won over and nothing happened."

"What the hell, Sasori."

"We're just friends."

"Yep and I was born in Konoha."

"Your sarcasm is not amusing."

"And your lack of progress in your love life is stressing me out!"

"..."

"You were on a romantic getaway-"

"It was nothing romantic-"

"Oh really? Nothing romantic in sightseeing? Fireworks, oceans, snows, flower fields"

"It was a beneficial trip. She gets to paint. I do my work."

"I was half- expecting for you to return carrying a kid with Hatsue."

"... what a baseless expectation."

"What I didn't expect was for her to bring a guy back."

"..."

"You're letting some no named rattlesnake spirit her away to Konoha if you keep this up."

"He is quite accomplished, not no named."

"I don't care whether that Oro guy is famous, what I care is that you're letting him steal Hatsue."

"She's not a sack of cabbages that can simply be stolen."

"Right. Is it because this Oro guy is paler than you that's why you lost?"

"I did not lose whatever contest you're hinting at."

"You will if you're this stubborn. I can't believe you. Are you dense?"

"I am quite intellectual."

"No amount of genius can save you from your denial."

"If she ends up dating that guy and it turns serious, she would end up being married."

"..."

"Ughhh. This is why you got nowhere with Hatsue. FINE. I'll do things my way and rope in Elder Chiyo and Elder Ebizo to be your wingman."

"I do not have romantic feelings for-"

"Stop right there, you're making yourself pathetic. Ow! Did you just throw your mallet at me?"

"That was a chisel. Here's the mallet, try to dodge."

"* Sasori, you're a jerk. This is how you repay me for trying to save you from spinsterhood?"

"If you don't leave, I'll throw a kunai next."

"Alright, alright. Jeez. I'm gonna go prepare things for the worst case scenario now."

"What scenario?"

"Bride kidnapping. If Hatsue falls in love with that guy, we crash the wedding, kidnap her and marry her to you."

"You're an idiot."

"Same feather, together."

whoosh.

"Dammit, stop throwing things at me! When you do end up with Hatsue you're gonna owe me big time!"

"..."

"Also, you owe me your first born."

don't say yes run away now

I'll meet you when you're out of the church at the backdoor

don't wait or say a single vow

you need to hear me out

and they said 'speak now'

-Speak Now by Taylor Swift

A's note:

Here's an April Fool's chapter.

I was gonna do a silly one but somehow Komushi just kept talking in my mind's eye. It's terrifying how the conversation just flowed while typing almost without pausing for a moment. I was gonna do like a musical of Komushi orchestrating the bride kidnapping with TSWIFT'S song, like at the end of the silly fool's chapter I was gonna have Kabuto crash the wedding and whisk Orochimaru away but somehow we ended up with the conversation above. It was begging me to write it down.

Take this chapter with a grain of salt, this may or may not be a future conversation. Or treat this like a drabble.

To 000xxx000

You didn't read in too much with the title! For me, Sasori would need all the help he can get in this fic. I read Sasori fanfics in which he swoops in and just kiss the heck out of someone. It was pretty cool. Some have made me squeal. I think confident Sasori and all knowing isn't my forte. Thanks for the advice! I edited a bit the part where Komushi was trying to be sly and all with carrying Hatsue's things. Also, cliffhangers are illegal. lol. I'll try to incorporate cliffhangers but my fear of them as a reader translates to my chapters. I hate cliffhangers too. But I'll try writing one, I hope, in the next chapters.

This is the last chapter from me for... a week? or two. You don't need to leave a review every time. (secretly hoping no one drops a review for awhile coz boy do I feel compelled to update) Thanks for reading and reviewing.