No worries, you'll see Octavia again in the next chapter.

Chapter 7: Valentino's Song

In the tavern, Valentino was still fuming over his failed proposal. "Who does that prude think she is?" he seethed, "That bitch has tangled with the wrong man! No one says 'no' to Valentino!"

"Heh, heh. Damn right!" Vox said, trying to cheer up his boss.

"Dismissed! Rejected!" Valentino grabbed a couple mugs of beer, slightly sipping them. "Publicly Humiliated! Why, it's more than I can bear!" Furious, he tossed them in the fireplace.

"More beer?" asked Vox.

"What for? Nothing helps. I'm disgraced!" Valentino looked away from Vox.

"Who, you? Never!" Vox told him, while Valentino scooted his chair, not daring to face him. "Valentino, you've got to pull yourself together." Vox started to sing him a song:

Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Valentino,

Looking so down in the dumps.

Vox tried forcing a smile on Valentino's face, but got punched across the room.

Every guy here'd love to be you, Valentino,

Even when taking your lumps.

The demons cheered for Valentino, who scooted his chair away from the crowd, dejected. Vox smacked his back.

There's no man in town as admired as you;

You're ev'ryone's favorite guy.

Vox stroked Valentino's head and touched Valentino's cheeks. The TV head demon turned the chair Valentino was sitting on, facing the crowd.

Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you

And it's not very hard to see why!

Velvet, Dia, and Summer sighed romantically over their crush, who looked away from them. Vox resumed singing:

No one's slick as Valentino!

Vox grabbed a belt from one demon's pants and to the demon's embarrassment, his pants were pulled down. Vox hopped all over the place, whilst singing.

No one's quick as Valentino!

No one's neck is as incredibly thick as Valentino!

Vox wrapped the belt around Valentino's neck, which easily broke the strap.

For there's no man in town half as manly,

Perfect, a pure paragon.

A portrait of Valentino standing proudly with a gun in his hands with his held high was shown. Vox jumped on each patron's heads before going in Valentino's face.

You can ask any Tom, Dick, or Stanley

And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on!

The patrons pulled Vox away and swung him as they all sang in unison:

.No one's been like Valentino!

A king pin like Valentino!

Vox rubbed Valentino's chin.

No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Valentino!

Valentino:

As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!

He exposed his muscles with pleasure.

Vox and Chorus:

My what a guy, that Valentino!

Give five "hurrahs!" Give twelve "hip-hips!"

Vox:

Valentino is the best and the rest is all drips!

Vox swung his mug of beer all over the place until it spilled in Valentino's face. The TV head placed his hands behind his back, looking all innocent when Valentino angrily punched him.

Chorus:

No one fights like Valentino!

Douses lights like Valentino!

In a wrestling match nobody bites like Valentino!

Valentino bit one incubus's leg.

Velvet, Dia, and Summer:

For there's no one as burly and brawny!

The girls gasped as Valentino lifted up the wooden bench they were sitting on.

Valentino:

As you see, I've got biceps to spare.

Vox:

Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny.

Valentino:

That's right!

And every last inch of me's covered with hair!

He uncovered his shirt to show his hairy chest.

Chorus:

No one hits like Valentino!

Matches wits like Valentino!

Valentino was playing chess with a couple people and hit a piece, which ended up landing on the floor.

Vox:

In a spitting match nobody spits like Valentino!

The lavender demon chewed on something.

Valentino:

I'm especially good at expectorating! Ptoooie!

He spat something, which ricocheted in the studio, accidentally hitting Vox in the stomach, making him fall backwards.

Chorus:

Ten points for Valentino!

Valentino was juggling eggs.

When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs

Ev'ry morning to help me get large.

He juggled until they landed in his mouth, swallowing them whole. Vox tried to do the same, but they splattered in his face with egg yolks.

Valentino:

And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs,

So I'm roughly the size of a barge!

Chorus:

No one shoots like Valentino!

Makes those beauts like Valentino!

Valentino swung his gun around and shot the beer barrel, making tiny holes for everyone to fill their mugs.

Vox:

Then goes tromping around

Wearing boots like Valentino!

As his henchman sang this, Valentino had done so after he finished with his work and sat down on his chair.

I use antlers in all of my decorating!

Chorus:

Say it again!

Who's a man among men?

And then say it once more

Who's that hero next door?

Who's a super success?

Don't you know? Can't you guess?

Ask his fans and his five hangers-on

There's just one guy in town

Who's got all of it down…

Vox:

And his name's V-A-L...E…

V-A-L-E-T…

V-A-L-E-N...ohh, ow!

Chorus:

VALENTINO!

My, what a guy!

VALENTINO!

Patrons clinked their beer mugs, spilling beer in the air and some people carried the chair with Valentino sitting on it. Vox ran as fast as he could, but the chair had already landed on him.

All of a sudden, a distraught owl burst into the studio. "Help! Someone help me!" he cried.

A lady was pouring a customer a glass, but spilled in alarm.

"Stolas?" a demon innkeeper asked.

"Please! Please! I need your help!" Stolas pleaded as he frantically shook chairs to get other demons' attention, "He's got her, he's got her locked in a dungeon!" He grabbed hold of Vortex's shirt.

"Who?" Vortex asked.

Letting go of Vortex's shirt, Stolas replied, "Octavia! We must go! Not a minute to lose!"

"Woah! Slow down, Stolas!" Valentino said, "Who's got Octavia locked in a dungeon?"

"A snake! A horrible, monstrous snake!"

Hearing this, demons in the studio began to laugh at the poor owl.

"Is it a big snake?" an incubus asked, making himself look big, clutching onto his jacket.

"Huge!" Stolas answered.

"With a long ugly tongue?" a hellhound asked, sticking his tongue inside a glass cup.

"Hideously ugly!"

"And sharp, cruel fangs?" an imp asked as if to claw and bite him.

"Yes! Yes!" replied Stolas and a demon pushed him to the ground in front of Valentino. "Will you help me?"

"Alright, old man! We'll help you out!" Valentino assured him.

"You will?" Stolas asked hopefully as two demons grabbed him. "Oh, thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" As a result, he got thrown out of the studio.

"Crazy old Stolas!" Vortex chuckled.

"He's always good for a laugh," a hellhound agreed with him as the two of them walked past Valentino, who had an idea.

"Crazy old Stolas. Hmmmmm…" Valentino said thoughtfully, "Crazy old Stolas. Hmm." He looked under his chair Vox was still under and started to sing:

Vox, I'm afraid I've been thinking…

Vox stared up at Valentino.

A dangerous pastime…

Valentino: I know.

He picked the TV headed demon up from under his chair and resumed singing.

But that wacky old dick is Octavia's father

And his sanity's only so-so.

Now the wheels in my head have been turning

Since I looked at that loony old man.

See, I promised myself I'd be married to Octavia

And right now I'm evolving a plan!

Valentino dropped Vox and whispered in his ear, "If I…"

"Yes?" Vox asked.

"Then we."

"No, would she?"

"Guess," Valentino said.

"Now I get it," Vox replied and in unison, they both said, "Let's go!"

Both (Singing):

No one plots like Valentino!

Valentino: Takes cheap shots like Valentino!

Vox: Plans to persecute harmless crackpots like Valentino!

Chorus: So his marriage we soon will be celebrating!

My what a guy,

Valentino!

Velvet, Dia, and Summer were happy to see Valentino return to his senses as the whole town was.

Stolas was still outside. "Why won't no one help me?!"