Previously on Search For Tomorrow…

Cem Fel and Tenel Ka?

How the kriff did that Hapan?

Season 1
Interlude, Part 1

I left my conscience like a crying child
Locked the doors behind me
Put the pain on file
Broken like a window
I see my blindness now

And I need love
Not some sentimental prison
I need God
Not the political church
I need fire
To melt the frozen sea inside me
I need love

Driving into town, tired and depressed

Like a flare, the streetlight

Bursts into an SOS

Peace comes to my rescue

And I don't know what it means

But I need love
Not some sentimental prison
I need God
Not the political church
I need fire
To melt the frozen sea inside me
I need love

Broken like a window
I see my blindness now

And I need Love
Not some sentimental prison
I need God
Not the political church
I need fire
To melt the frozen sea inside me
I need love
I need love
I need love

I Need Love/Leslie A. Phillips

The Queen's Private Chambers, Fountain Palace, Hapes
ABY 24
Four Years After The Yuuzhan Vong War

Jacen sat back on the large luxurious sofa in Tenel Ka's private sitting room and studied his friend. She had summoned him to the Fountain Palace for advice, or so she'd said. But as the evening wore on, he had begun to think that her stated reason had been a ruse. They had enjoyed a quiet dinner and were now chatting about current events in the galaxy, but something didn't seem right.

"Tenel Ka, you didn't call me here for advice on your military, did you?"

She looked up at him in surprise, and then sighed. "Is it that obvious?"

"You aren't acting normal. You have a sharper strategic mind than me and know your fleet better than I do. What's going on?"

She picked up a small cushion that lay between them and began to twist at the fringe. In all the years that he had known her, he couldn't remember a single instance in which she had fidgeted, which was exactly what she was doing now.

She then did something even more surprising; she opened her mouth to speak, then paused and sighed miserably.

"Hey, it's me. You can tell me anything, remember?"

She smiled sadly, and nodded slightly before standing up and pacing a few steps back and forth in front of the fireplace, and then stopping, finally answering his question in a quiet voice.

"In four weeks my advisors will submit a list of candidates for Prince Consort. From that list, I will choose the man I am to marry. The wedding will take place a month later."

He didn't even bother to try to hide his shock.

"I know they've been pressuring you to produce an heir, but it never occurred to me that this is how you would go about it."

"In case you haven't noticed, I don't get out much."

He couldn't argue that, but the idea of his friend giving herself in marriage, as though it was simply a burdensome task that needed to be addressed was… he shook his head to rid himself of the unpleasant feelings this was bringing up in him.

"You know I applaud your pragmatism in most things, but I hardly think this is the area to put it to use."

"This is my life, Jacen. I accepted it when I accepted the crown. Please don't ask me to question things I've already given up hope on."

"I'm sorry; I just don't believe that your position and the possibility of genuine love are mutually exclusive."

"My mother loved my father and, in the end, it did her no good."

The friends held each other's gazes for a moment and then a miserable Tenel Ka sat next to Jacen on the sofa and leaned back. She stared at her hands and Jacen was surprised to see a tear roll down her cheek. He leaned over and wrapped his arms around, pulling her gently to his side. He tucked her head under his chin and stroked her hair.

"You didn't ask me here to debate this either, did you?"

"No."

He pulled back and placed his hands on her cheeks and looked at her expectantly.

"What can I do for you then?"

Taking a deep breath, the Queen, his oldest friend, steeled her nerves and spoke, "I do not want my first… physical experience... to be on my wedding night with a man who is marrying me to gain power."

Jacen watched the beautiful pale skin of her high cheek bones turn pink and was certain that his gaping mouth, and the way his hands fell away from her face, told her that he finally understood.

"You've…"

Tenel Ka looked back at her lap and shook her head.

"Never?"

Tenel Ka flopped back against the sofa and finally looked at Jacen. "I suppose I could have followed my grandmother's example, but I have not."

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to seem so surprised. I just assumed…"

"That because I am in a position to use men that I would?"

"No! Not that you would use them… just that you would have them throwing themselves at you and you might…" Again Jacen let the sentence fade.

"At the Academy, I assumed that if I were ever going to be with anyone it would be you. Then I was queen, and you were dead, and I spent all my time and energy focusing on my duties and the war. When you came back… and we realized it just wasn't like that for us, I only had the nobles to select from. But I could never bring myself to actually be with any of them."

"And you would like me to…" He was still too stunned to continue.

The absolute hopelessness in her eyes was crushing as she answered his question. "At least if it were you… I would know that the first man I was ever with actually cared about me."

He could think of nothing to do but pull her close. Once again wrapping his arms around her, he closed his eyes and leaned his face into the top of her head.

"Oh, honey, I love you so much, but we can't do this. It will end badly and I don't want to lose you as my friend. I can't lose you as my friend."

Tenel Ka's body began to convulse and loud sobs came from her throat. He held her tighter and kissed her head again. Jacen had not seen her this emotional since the day he first arrived on Hapes after their lightsaber accident.

"I know this was hard for you to ask, but please understand, it's because of what you mean to me that I can't."

Realizing that there were no more ways he could say no, and that she needed time to pull herself together, Jacen laid them both back against the sofa and then reached out to Tenel Ka through the Force and sent feelings of love and hope to her.

After a while he felt the tension in her body lesson, as her sobs eased and the hitch in her breathing stopped. She disentangled herself from him, then stood up and walked to the bar across the room. He watched as she grabbed two glasses, an ornate bottle of an amber fluid, and an equally ornate box that contained her hidden nic sticks, a testament to how difficult this had been for her; she only indulged in the sticks after considerable amounts of stress or considerable amounts of alcohol. Ruefully Jacen thought that in another hour she might have it covered on both fronts.

Sitting down again, she poured two drinks and handed one to Jacen. She then leaned back with her glass and put the stick in her mouth and used the Force to light it, which startled him enough to make him jump slightly.

"Sorry," she smirked. "I figured if I pulled out my lightsaber to light it you'd run screaming in fear."

"I'm glad to see your sense of humor survived that conversation."

"My pride didn't. I'm not sure I've ever felt so humiliated or embarrassed."

"Please." Jacen shifted to face her again. "You can't be either of those things with me. It's not allowed. And it's not that I don't find you..." He suddenly felt 14 again and laughed a little. "I suppose after what you just asked, I owe you full disclosure." He finished his drink off in one long gulp and watched her do the same. He refilled both glasses and leaned against the arm of the couch and watched her blow out a large plume of smoke.

"OK… I think you are one of the most beautiful women in the galaxy. You're smart and fun… and though you allow few to see it, you also have a great sense of humor. It's not that I haven't thought about this before, but I do love you and I know, as sure as I know my own name, that if we engage in any kind of physical activity, it will change our relationship. We both know that we are not destined to be a couple, despite what some sludgemags say. And to be honest, I'm not willing to risk losing you for a night or two of physical pleasure." He gave her a roguish smile and added, "Regardless of how amazing it would be."

Tenel Ka listened intently to Jacen's words and continued to study him for a while. After a minute, he began to worry that his joke was unappreciated, but then she dissolved into laughter.

When she had collected herself, Tenel Ka said, "I understand. And you're right. Our relationship is more valuable than I can express in words. I suppose, because I have not engaged in this… activity, I didn't consider that it might change things between you and me. Though, in hindsight, it was foolish of me not to."

"Why?"

"Well, I knew I didn't want my first time to be with a social climbing Hapan nobleman. Clearly on some level I was thinking of the emotional intricacies of sex."

Feeling confident that he had not only made the right choice but succeeded in convincing Tenel Ka it was right, Jacen decided there was nothing more to say. He grabbed his glass and sat back against the couch, pulling her back as well. Once again he wrapped his arm around her and she turned her body so she could snuggle her back into his side and blow the smoke from her sticks away from him.

Another long while passed and as he lifted his drink to his lips Jacen asked, "What are you thinking about?"

In a dreamy voice she answered, "I was wondering where Valin is."

When he recovered from the coughing and sputtering he said, "Tell me you're joking."

But the only response was the sound of Tenel Ka's laugh.

"I'd kill him. He knows that. And he's stupid enough to do it anyway." Jacen let his head fall back and took a deep breath and wished the pain in his chest from the inhaled alcohol away. "That was very mean of you."

This was met with more soft chuckles.

"What were you really thinking about?"

Letting out a long sigh she answered, "I'll be married in two months. Will you still come to visit me?"

Jacen was shocked at the physical pain he felt at her words. He turned her around again and pleaded, "Please, don't do this. Please. I know all the reasons you're going to give: Queen Mothers usually have numerous heirs by the time they're your age, or that the stability of your reign depends on you producing an heir. I do know this. But please don't give up on finding love just yet. You're only 25, you're too young to be sure."

"Jacen, we've been through this."

Grabbing another smoke and getting up, she began to pace in front of the hearth across from the sofa they had been sitting on.

"Exactly where do you think I'm going to meet this great love you envision for me?"

"I don't know. But I'm begging you, just a little more time. Please? For me?"

"I don't see what a few more months will do." Tenel Ka took a deep breath. "Though, I guess a few more months of waiting won't kill my advisors either. Alright Jacen, I will wait two more months."

Solo Family Beach House, Corellia
Two months after Tenel Ka's request
Four Years After The Yuuzhan Vong War

Cem walked at a leisurely pace through the sand, breathing in the clean sea air as he made his way from the Antilles's beach house to the Solos'. The meal the Antilles had treated him and his brother and Jaina to had been finished for some time, but Cem had stayed after Jag and Jaina had left so he could spend time with his long lost uncle and aunt. Since this was his first time on Corellia and his first time meeting with the older couple, he had been grateful when Jag and Jaina had excused themselves early.

Though it was well past midnight, Cem could see that lights were still on at the Solos' and as he drew closer, he heard the sound of music and wondered if Jedi suffered from travel fatigue. Jag had warned him that this would not be a relaxing vacation; the personalities assembling would not permit it. Cem had seen Jacen and Valin in action; prowling cantinas in the Outer Rim and Chiss space and had to admit he was impressed with their stamina for 'recreation'.

According to Jag their Jedi friends had actually started to mellow by the time Cem had begun flying with them; but when the Myrkr strike team members congregated, as Jacen, Jaina, Tahiri, and Tenel Ka all were, an odd energy always permeated the air. It was almost like they tried to live every minute they spent together to the fullest, as though they could somehow give it back to their fallen comrades. If one wasn't running, swimming, sparring, dueling or levitating… then they'd better be drinking. They played nonstop.

Cem, Jag, and Jaina had arrived the day before and spent most of their time stocking up on provisions since Han and Leia had been away from Corellia for a couple of months. Jacen had arrived earlier in the day with Valin and Tahiri. Those two had left shortly afterwards to visit Valin's parents, whose house was only another hundred meters further down the beach past the Antilles'. Tenel Ka, the Hapan Queen, was due to arrive while Jaina, the Fels, Tahiri, and Valin were all out at dinner.

Cem smiled as he thought of Jacen's excitement. Apparently, it had taken Jacen awhile to convince the queen that the security measures she would have to employ to get away would be worth it and was so excited that she had agreed to come. He couldn't wait to introduce the two of them he had said. It didn't seem right that two people so important to him had never met.

As he climbed the steps to the house, Cem noticed Jacen sitting on a chaise on the deck and altered his path to sit with him. Without a word, he took a seat in the next chaise and joined Jacen in looking into the house through the large window. His eye was instantly caught by the stunning redhead sitting at a table with his brother and the other three Jedi. Obviously, this could be none other than Tenel Ka… and Cem was dumbfounded. Despite her clear concentration and the slight scowl that marred her features, he wasn't sure he had ever seen a more beautiful woman. Her holo images didn't do her justice.

Realizing that he was staring, he shook his head slightly and then reached over and grabbed the ale bottle Jacen was raising to his mouth. The sudden movement caused the liquid to bubble up before Cem could pull it completely away and a little spilled on Jacen's bare chest.

"Kriffer. What did you do that for?"

"Just trying to help you out. Didn't look like you could handle that on your own. Where is your shirt man?"

Jacen grabbed the bottle back from Cem and said simply, "I lost it."

They both turned back to the window and were silent again.

Without looking at Jacen, Cem leaned forward and, grabbing the back of the neck of his overshirt, pulled it off and threw it at his friend. "It doesn't matter where I take you: Csilla, Corellia, Mon Calamari… you are never properly dressed."

Another silence passed and Cem again found himself watching the queen. Her hair was a vibrant red-gold and hung down in long ripples, pulled back from her face by a glimmering band of some sort, and her skin was an ethereal alabaster. Cem couldn't wait to see her up close and find out what color her eyes were.

He again shook himself, remembering that this was Jacen's oldest friend and though he had sworn that there was nothing romantic there, Cem still suspected that there were unresolved feelings between them. She was therefore extremely off limits.

"What are we watching?"

"Strip, drink, or pay-the-kriff-up Sabacc."

"Not sure I'm familiar with that version. Care to fill me in, before I go in there and lose my shirt, too?"

Passing the ale to Cem and rubbing his hands together Jacen began, "Well, it's regular Sabacc, but you can generally tell what kind of hand anyone has by how they bet. For example; Tahiri is both comfortable in very little clothing and can drink a Wookiee under the table."

"Are we still theorizing that these are byproducts of her shaping?"

"For the drinking, yes. Force knows what her alcohol consumption does to her liver, but it doesn't seem to do a ton to her brain functioning; how could that not be because of the cranial implants? And I used to think that the clothing thing related to the Vong having no concept of shame except as it relates to losing a fight, but after living with her… I've come to believe that's just Tahiri. I suppose after spending all those years on Tatooine wrapped from head to toe, it's sort of amazing the only thing she refused to wear when she got to Yavin was shoes." Cem laughed as Jacen shook his head. "And she may be the most stubborn woman I've ever met."

"Are we sure she's not Corellian?"

Jacen smiled. "Right? And the Order doesn't exactly pay well, so if she bets creds she thinks she has a good hand and is trying to draw us in."

Cem laughed and said, "...but she's currently wearing your shirt."

Jacen chuckled, "after two years of sharing a bathroom, I'd probably need to be her healer to see more of her than I already have…"

"And she'd need to be your healer to see more of you. So you two betting to strip is purely to kriff with each other?"

"Pretty much. And even though she does my laundry and could wear my clothes anytime, she'll live in that shirt for the next couple of days purely to rub in the fact that she successfully bluffed me. "

"You could threaten to stop feeding her."

"Are you insane?"

"Just a suggestion."

"I like living in a clean house, and knowing it won't be a smoking pile of rubble when I come home. And since she likes eating… we do not bork with our domestic arrangement. Even to kriff with each other in Sabaac."

"Stars know you've got plenty of other opportunities to do that."

Jacen shook his head before continuing.

"Tenel Ka has more wealth than all the gods combined and can also hold an amazing amount of alcohol. Apparently a lot of the plants and shrubs that the Dathomiri witches used in their medicinal recipes ferment when cooked; she evidently spent enough time on Dathomir in her youth to build up a tolerance to anything fermented. However, despite also having an amazing body, she's hesitant to share it with us. So if she bets to strip, she has a good hand… and rarely loses.

"Friendly note, she has a soft spot for Tahiri and likes to float her credits and jewelry. It used to be their way of ganging up on me, but as they got closer to Jag they started to tag team him as well."

"So a sign of love from Ri and the Queen is being harassed by them?"

"Exactly."

Cem was watching Tenel Ka again and saw a slight smile appear on her lips as she studied her cards and then his brother. The band holding her hair caught his eye again and with a start he realized that the shininess was actually the glint of jewels embedded in it.

"Wait… you let her play with that?"

Jacen smiled. "That particular tiara, which she is now using to hold her hair out of her face, she just won back from Jag. There's a little bit of a grudge match there. It usually only comes out toward the end of the evening and when they are the only ones left in the hand. Though, one night he got really drunk and lost it to Tahiri, who immediately 'lost' it back to Tenel Ka. He will spend a lot of time this weekend trying to bluff her into betting it again."

"What's the point? She must have hundreds of them… and it can't possibly look good on him."

"You're right on both counts. I personally prefer the Cluster planets. Few know this, but I currently own seven of them. It would be eight; she won Dreena back tonight."

"What about my brother? Tell me no one wants to see him naked."

"Only my sister, and he's still a lightweight when he drinks."

"Predictable, on both counts."

"Which is why he usually plays with money and how the tiara thing got started."

Jacen pulled a fresh ale from a bucket that Cem hadn't seen beside him and popped the top.

"You could have told me you had a whole supply right there."

Jacen smiled and handed the bottle to Cem and retrieved another for himself before continuing.

"To save my sanity it was decided early on that Jaina would try to remain clothed at all times, but she can also hold a surprising amount of alcohol… something about being our father's daughter. Also from our father, she inherited a freaky ability to beat all of us in Sabacc; therefore, none of us feels bad that she is usually only allowed to bet alcohol or money.

"And last… and at this table least… is my young apprentice. Valin is a wild man and really only cares about drinking and tricking the girls into betting clothes. They tend to band together to get him as drunk as possible since all three of them can hold way more alcohol than he can. Having said that, he did successfully bluff Tahiri out of her shirt one night."

Cem leaned his head back and laughed out loud. "And those two are a nightmare together off duty anyway."

Jacen laughed too. "True, and to add insult to injury, Valin spent the next two hours complimenting her on the bra she was wearing and saying that he'd be happy to put her top back into the pot in exchange for her betting the bra."

"Ok," Cem said. "Let me see if I understand this; you're all betting empty stakes and playing to boost your own egos and wound each other's, and get as inebriated as possible?"

Jacen thought for a second and then nodded. "Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. Oh, and no Force or Vongsense allowed."

"Superb. Deal me…" Cem's last word was dropped when he noticed Jag, Valin and Tahiri all leaning back from the table. "Wait, what's happening now?"

"Hmmm…Tenel Ka and Jaina head to head. Another grudge match. This one has nothing to do with cards though, and can get a little ugly; they always go for clothing which really hurts my allegiance. As much as I want to see Tenel Ka kick the snot out of my sister in cards, I have zero desire to see her naked."

Cem silently agreed and mentally pulled for Jaina to win then realized what he was doing and turned back to Jacen. "So if it's not about cards, what's the deal?"

"Well, I didn't realize until a few years ago that if it hadn't been for me they probably wouldn't have been close at the Academy. They were always friendly to each other and we were all always together so I never noticed. I mean, I was a guy and I had my twin sister and the girl I was in love with at my side all the time…"

He was silent for a moment and Cem got the impression that the story would continue when Jacen finished reliving whatever was playing out in his mind.

"On Myrkr, Jaina said some really horrible things to Tenel Ka, who never forgot them. Then, days later, I was gone and they were on Hapes and all the weirdness happened with Tenel Ka's grandmother and parents."

Cem nodded.

"On top of all of that, Tenel Ka thinks very highly of Jag and doesn't think Jaina is as appreciative as she should be of what a wonderful man he is. That's a pretty impressive compliment to Jag by the way. She is half Hapan and half Dathomiri, you know? Anyway, I began to notice the tension between Jaina and Tenel Ka when I came back from Yuuzhan'tar."

"What's Jaina's side in all this?"

"She thinks Tenel Ka tends to be a heartless animatron and I believe she thinks I'm nursing some kind of broken heart over mine and Tenel Ka's lack of a romantic relationship. Which shows you how much my twin really understands about the situation."

"There really is nothing between you and the queen?"

Jacen laughed. "No, despite the common misconception. I adore her; she's one of my best friends in the universe… right there with you, Jag, Dex and Tahiri, but no. It's not like that between us."

Cem was unconvinced and knew Jacen could tell.

"I'll admit that I was mad for her when we were at the Academy. I mean mad." Jacen pointed into the house where Tenel Ka sat at the table, studying his twin. "First off, she looked just like that when we met, except she always had the Dathomiri braids. Even then she had the most amazing body. What 14 year old wouldn't be in love?"

Cem could hardly disagree.

"But, in possibly the least smooth move ever committed by a teenage boy… I attempted to impress her with my lightsaber skills and cut off her kriffing arm."

There was absolute silence for a moment, but then Cem couldn't hold it in any longer and began to laugh. Jacen joined in a second later.

"It's true. The ultimate awkward teenager boy moment. I was horrified."

Both men stopped laughing and resumed watching the Sabacc game, then, very quietly Jacen whispered, "But... she forgave me."

"So, now they take out their annoyance with each other over Sabacc?"

"Yeah, and like I said; they both always bet clothing which is about as metaphorical as one can get. They're clearly trying to strip away the shields that hide the other's 'issues'. This is where Tenel Ka has a leg up though, we're all painfully aware of Jaina's issues, but I'm the only one who really knows Tenel Ka."

"What did Jaina say to her on Myrkr?"

Jacen shook his head and huffed and Cem got the impression that he did not agree with his sister's statement. "Jaina told her she had the emotional depth of a ronto."

Cem let out a long whistle. "Your sister doesn't pull her punches, does she?"

"And she said it in front of the whole strike team… what was left of us... right after Anakin died. The irony of course is that Tenel Ka is very sensitive and emotional, but expends a tremendous amount of energy hiding it."

"I suppose that's understandable. After all she was born and raised to lead the Consortium. She's probably spent her life wondering what people's motives are and who she could trust. I would imagine that would make someone hesitant to be too open with her emotions."

Cem turned to find Jacen looking at him with a big smile on his face.

"What?"

Jacen gave a slight shake of his head. "It's just nice to hear someone who understands what she's up against. She also happens to be the queen of a particularly ruthless and backstabbing bunch. It never paid for her to be close to or trusting of anyone on Hapes. That's why she spent so much time on Dathomir, hence the reputation as the emotionally stunted backwater warrior queen."

"From your descriptions, and what I've heard from Jag, her life seems miserable. Why did she accept the throne?"

"Duty… heritage… to preserve all her mother had worked to build. Because if she didn't accept the crown my sister would now be the queen. If that alone doesn't speak to how selfless she is, I don't know what would. I get all kinds of praise for saving the galaxy from Omini and Shimrra, but no one ever praises Tenel Ka for saving the galaxy from Queen Jaina."

Both men began to laugh again and Cem finally said, "I'm only laughing like this because I know how much you love your sister."

"And I can only joke like this because of how much I love my sister. And I love your brother for dealing with my sister."

"Speaking of which…" They watched Jaina throw down her cards and reach down to start pulling her top off. Tenel Ka stood up and put her hand out, clearly a gesture telling Jaina that her effort wasn't necessary. There was a little more talk amongst the players before Tenel Ka stepped away from the table and made her way to the door.

Cem's mouth went dry and his heart began to speed up as the woman he had spent the last half hour watching approached the door to the deck and made her way through. He worked to control his breathing and stood up as she approached them.

She looked directly at him as she stopped between the two chairs.

"I wondered what had kept you out here for so long Jacen. Were you entertaining Cem with a commentary of our game?"

"Fact. Tenel Ka D'jo, may I present Cem Fel."

Tenel Ka offered her hand, "It is a pleasure to finally meet you."

Grasping it, Cem responded, "The pleasure is mine, Your Majesty."

Jacen chuckled at his formal greeting but was stopped when Tenel Ka reached out with her other hand to smack him on the head. "Please, Cem, on Corellia I am just Tenel Ka. And I hope you'll excuse our ill mannered friend."

"I find I often have to."

Tenal Ka responded with a throaty chuckle and Cem Fel knew that he was in love.

Next time on Fear and Love…

What else does Jacen have to do to make this work?