Chapter 8: Dreams and Nightmares

Narcissa watched the sun sink below the horizon. She was waiting, waiting. A few hours, and then she could go. The hours were dragging by, though, dragging and dragging and dragging.

'Draco's in bed,' Regulus said, coming up to stand next to her, 'What do you want to do?'

Narcissa tilted her head to look up at him. 'We need to talk about tomorrow,' she replied.

He grimaced. 'We've talked about tomorrow.'

'I haven't persuaded you to change your mind,' she answered, 'so we clearly haven't talked about it enough.'

'It's not forever,' Reggie reminded her, collapsing onto the couch and making it creak.

'Feels like forever,' Narcissa muttered under her breath, feeling like a whiny toddler.

It seemed Regulus thought the same thing, because he frowned at her. 'I'm going to bed if you're going to be like this.'

Narcissa sighed and fell onto the couch beside him. 'I'm not like this.' She deliberated how to continue. 'I don't think it's a good idea - we're safer together.'

'It's been years, Cissy, I think they've given up.'

'I'd like to think we're a little bit more important than that,' Narcissa joked, and gave a strained laugh. 'I'm relieved, in a way,' she admitted, 'but I thought… never mind.'

'You're going to be an aunt again,' Regulus mentioned, 'Bellatrix and Riddle are having a kid.'

'I heard about that. They've been having an affair for years and years; you would have thought something would have happened before now.'

'Weren't they having an affair before Bellatrix married Lestrange?'

Narcissa nodded. 'Bella was only seventeen, but he'd already charmed her. He was quite a looker in his younger years apparently, though.'

'Sure, he was,' Regulus answered sarcastically, 'I can imagine all the girls fawned over him.'

Narcissa twisted to look at him. 'Have you ever seen a film with a young version of Christian Coulson?' she asked, 'When he was about sixteen?'

'Yes…'

'Well, he looked like that.' She laughed at the look on Regulus's face, delighting in the horror and shock across it. It wasn't often she could freak him out that much.

'By Merlin's sparkly wand... You're kidding right?' Regulus checked, making a face.

'I wish.'

He cringed and got up off the sofa. 'I'm going to try and cleanse my mind of that image, Cissy; see you tomorrow.'

Narcissa waved cheerily, inwardly delighting that she had managed to scar Regulus. If he was really going to do what he planned to, she needed to get all her teases out of the way now. Sighing at the memory of Reggie's decision, Narcissa turned to glance at the clock - seeing only ten minutes had passed. It seemed tonight was going to drag on.

Walking over to her desk, Narcissa glanced out the window, eyes resting on the full moon. It was a beautiful sight… for some. She reached over and opened the locked draw of her desk, pulling out a sheet of parchment. Elladora had written again, begging for another meeting, for another chance to talk to someone.

Dearest Narcissa,

I do apologise for taking up your time once more, but I thought you may not protest about receiving another letter. I do not yet know how long this letter may be, but I know that it will not be as long as I would like. Lucius and I are attending a ball tonight, hosted by Cantankerus Nott and his wife - Lysandra. It shall be tiring; I am now only a few weeks away from the date when Lucius's twins are due to arrive. You have noted, I am sure, my use of the possessive of "Lucius's". However, I am sure that you know that this is how it is. My children, the ones I bore for nine months and suffered for, are Lucius's - and only Lucius's. He claims them; they are his. Just as I am his.

Lucius still believes that you belong to him, Narcissa. He says that, if they will ever find you, he will have two wives (and six children). He is prepared, should they ever find you, Narcissa. He has a… he is prepared.

There is a cell in the basement, though it is not quite a cell. It looks pleasant enough - a double bed, cabinet, wardrobe, bookshelf, chair, and a separate room for shower, bath, toilet and sink. You know Lucius's mind as I do - you know what he would do. There is no window, no place for light to seep in, and no place for sound to escape. As you are his wife, he has a right to take you, and do whatever he wants with you. Once one of us is pregnant, he will go to the other, so he never has to be without a mate. I have no doubt that, if they find you, he will leave me to spend nights with you, to remind you who you belong to. To make you submit.

I do not mean to scare you, Narcissa; I mean to warn you. Never let yourself be found, do whatever it takes to stay away. For your own safety, and the safety of your son. I dread to think what Lucius will do, so please, keep yourself tucked away safe.

Now, let us move on to happier subjects. How are you; how is your family? We must be coming up to Draco's birthday soon; I hope his birthday is truly wonderful, and that he gets all the love he deserves. Scorpius has turned six recently - his father rewarded him with a long fencing sword for him to practice. I am yet to see him fight, and I doubt I will until he is older, if I do at all. It is not so much of a shame; I do not think I wish to see him fight.

The real reason I am writing, Narcissa, is to ask for another meeting between us. It was pleasant to speak to you, and I enjoyed myself for one of the first times in a long time. Thank you for being so wonderful and kind, even allowing me to see who you are outside. I hope that you are able to come and meet me. I suggest a week's time at midnight out in the Malfoy Manor garden where we met last time. I will wait for an hour before retreating inside, as it will only be that long before Lucius notices I am missing.

I wish you all the best, Narcissa; I must now ready myself for the ball.

Elladora.

Narcissa tucked the letter back into the drawer, and a wave of her wand had the lock clicking shut. She could still remember the balls, the fake smiles, the fake laughs, the possessive tightening of the grasp on her arm when she talked to one too many men. It had only happened occasionally, but there was still that scar on her memory that reminded her of him when someone held onto her arm too tightly. As well as those memory scars, there was the faint physical scar on her lower left arm. Regulus sometimes caught sight of the red mark with five faded scars where nails had dug into too deep. Elladora would have dozens of those scars, and a thousand red handprints would mar her pale skin.

Hours passed, slowly, dragging. Regulus went to bed only half an hour before midnight, leaving Narcissa to her thoughts. She left earlier for Malfoy Manor, not comfortable being left alone to her own thoughts. Perhaps that was why she didn't want Reggie to follow through with his plan. It would leave her only in the evenings with only her mind for company. Her mind, who seemed to enjoy throwing the worst things humanly possible at her.

Malfoy Manor was dark. At the entrance, Narcissa could see a feminine figure lit by a dim light.

Elladora.

Narcissa crept through the concealed entrance and waited, as she had once before, for the mistress of the manor. She didn't wait long.

Elladora appeared, holding her wand before her. She cast the Lumos charm before leaving the safety of the Manor it seemed. Her pregnancy bump had grown since the last time Narcissa had seen her, not a surprise considering her due date was soon. Soon enough that she should no longer be leaving her house. Lucius would force her to until the last moment, Narcissa knew.

Smiling, Elladora tucked her wand back into her robes and gracefully sat on the bench nearby. 'You came,' she said, and there was some surprise in her voice.

'Of course, I came,' Narcissa replied. It had never truly been a question; she would come because she understood that Elladora needed someone.

'I felt embarrassed,' Elladora admitted, 'after I sent the letter..'

Reaching out a hand, Narcissa said, 'You have no need to feel ashamed, Elladora; Lucius is pushing you too hard.'

There was a silence, and then Elladora laughed gently, softly. 'We always speak of hard matters, Narcissa, I wonder what good it does us.'

'No good,' Narcissa replied, feeling the corners of her mouth tilt up, 'But sometimes it is necessary to speak about things that do us no good.' She sighed, 'Let us talk about something more… interesting.'

'Yes, let us.' Elladora paused, thinking. 'I did not mean to scare you with what I wrote in that letter.'

It seemed that they would not be moving onto friendlier, happier topics. Narcissa knew that it was unlikely for them ever to speak about subjects that neither of them would find uncomfortable. In truth, it was necessary for both of them to talk about what haunted them. 'I knew what Lucius could do,' she answered, keeping a firm hand on her voice to stop it shaking. 'I should have known that he would never let go of me, and his so-called "possession" of me and Draco.'

'Will they ever learn?'

'Never.' A short reply that captured all Narcissa's feelings. It was true: Purebloods would never learn that they were in the wrong, and everyone else in the right. The day that happened would be the day that Narcissa married again. Suffice to say, it would be never. Not in a million years, or dreams.

'How is Draco?' Elladora asked, her gaze flicking back to the house quickly.

Narcissa looked too, knowing that somewhere in the maze of corridors and rooms Scorpius, Septimus and Callidora would be sleeping peacefully. Her mind showed her the image of Draco, lying in his bed at home, snuggled in blankets like a caterpillar in his cocoon. 'Happy,' she whispered, 'So very happy.'

Something like envy snuck onto Elladora's face. 'If only that could be the fate for all those children in the world.'

'I did not mean to rub my happiness in your face, Elladora.'

She dismissed the apology with a wave of her hand. 'I know you did not. Please, do not think me so petty as to hold such a small thing as that against you.'

'I do not think you petty,' Narcissa corrected quickly, 'I just did not want you to hold such a thing against me.'

'I could never.' A scowl formed on Elladora's pretty face, 'I blame them.'

Narcissa knew that look as if it were on her own face. 'What happened?'

'They performed the Cruciatus Curse on a Muggleborn,' Elladora spat out, 'and performed the Imperius Curse on married Muggles.'

Narcissa flinched back. Everything in her body recoiled at the names of the two curses, especially the second one. 'What did they make them do under the Imperius?'

'Two things,' Elladora answered, her voice icy cold, 'They woke up the man and kept him still so he could watch his wife and a Pureblood have some "fun" - she was rather obliging to him, but, then again, he was the one who had performed the Imperio. They then woke the woman and made her do the same thing - watching the husband as he pleased a young woman.'

Tears had begun slipping down Narcissa's cheeks as she had listened, salty tears that rolled down her face and fell onto her lips. 'Are they dead?' she asked quietly because, somehow, that would seem more of a mercy than keeping them alive.

'No,' Elladora replied, similar tears falling down her own cheeks, 'They decided that they should stay alive as a… a "mercy" to them - to prove that Purebloods are kind. So, George and Maria live.'

'George and Maria?'

'I do not know their last name,' Elladora explained, 'But I made an effort to learn their first names - to make them human, not monsters.'

'George and Maria,' Narcissa repeated them blindly, trying to figure out where she recognised them from. It dawned on her, the memory shoving itself to the forefront of her mind. Unconsciously, Narcissa released the breath she'd been holding in.

'You know them?' Elladora asked quietly.

'I have a friend who does.'

It seemed that this was enough for Elladora; she chose not to press the subject. Instead, she said, 'I did not wish to cast a damper on the mood.'

Narcissa choked out a laugh. 'We are sitting in the garden of Lucius Malfoy; I am not sure there could be more of a damper.'

Elladora smiled. 'Perhaps not.'

'Is he… is he treating you well?' Narcissa knew that anyone else would find an answer such as "well" or "good" to mean that they are living a happy life; Narcissa knew that "well" or "good" meant only that they were not dead yet. It had been the language that Narcissa had spoken herself.

'He is treating me well,' Elladora replied, knowing that Narcissa knew this language, 'He has been better than previously - these last few weeks have been a blessing, not a worry.'

'I am overwhelmingly glad, Elladora,' Narcissa said, 'I wish I had more time, or that you had more choices.'

'We all live with what we have,' Elladora answered, rather philosophically Narcissa thought. She seemed to understand what Narcissa was thinking, 'Do not ask where that came from,' she joked, her smile growing.

'I would never.'

There was a silence, and Narcissa deliberated what to say next. 'Do…' she trailed off, not quite sure where her question was going.

'How are you finding your job, Narcissa?' Elladora gave her a tentative smile, 'I would not know what to do out there.'

'I do not either,' Narcissa replied, letting out a small laugh, 'It is so boring. I do not know how anyone copes.'

Laughing, Elladora placed a hand on her pregnant stomach. 'I would not know how to do anything.' She winced suddenly, then relaxed. 'I must have eaten something wrong at dinner.'

Narcissa raised a brow. 'What did you eat at dinner, Elladora?'

Elladora dismissed the question with a simple 'Some bread, water and a little meat.'

Frowning, Narcissa walked over to Elladora. It wasn't likely, but there was the small chance that Elladora was experiencing contractions. If she was, Elladora shouldn't be outside talking to Narcissa - she should be inside. 'Elladora, you should not have that stomach pain if you only ate some bread and meat.'

'I know,' Elladora answered quietly, 'but there is no point travelling to St. Mungo's now; I have time.' She smiled faintly at Narcissa's worry and placed a hand on her shoulder. 'My friend, do you not worry; I shall be fine.'

Narcissa accepted the title. Friend. That was what they were now - Elladora and Narcissa. It was strange, but true. Narcissa was proud, in some way, to call Elladora a friend. This sweet woman would need help throughout her life, being married to Lucius Malfoy was no small feat. Narcissa knew that she would have wanted a friend in those years when she had been tied to Lucius. 'Elladora, go inside,' Narcissa instructed gently, 'I do not want you out here.'

Rolling her eyes, Elladora stood. 'Do not mother me, Narcissa,' she scolded softly, 'but I shall go inside for you - for your piece of mind.'

Narcissa watched Elladora's figure disappear through the trees then Apparated back to home. It was a comforting sight: the sofa, chairs, discarded toys. It didn't take away the memory of the night, though. The image of the Muggleborns tortured then left as a "mercy" stained the front of her mind.

It was hard to fall asleep, even in the comfort of her bed.

The two babies were born late the next day. Elladora suffered through a painful birth alone. Alone. Alone because Lucius did not care if she suffered, as long as she survived. To bear more children.

Lucius Tom Malfoy was born first, screaming into the night. Only a few moments respite before Elladora Lucretia Malfoy came into the world, wailing louder than her twin. When she saw her children, Elladora couldn't help but offer a faint smile. They were beautiful. She moved her mouth to voice the words, but nothing came out, only breathy air.

Pain shot through her body, arching her back. Healers rushed to her, casting thousands of spells. The world turned blurry, the lime green uniforms merging. Elladora reached out, desperately trying to touch her children. Sensing her desire, the twins were rested against her body. They fit there, with her. If only they could be hers.

There was a shout that pierced Elladora's joy. It wasn't a happy shout - it wasn't Lucius's shout of pride. It was anxious, nervous. One of the Healers. Just as another Healer came into view, another wave of pain rushed through her. A scream ripped itself from her throat, burning her voice box.

Lucius and Elladora were taken away from her, leaving her helpless. Elladora stretched out to touch them again, but her arms were pinned back. Someone was saying something, trying to talk to her, asking her something. She let out a moan of pain.

Another shout. More spells. Shouts, spells - they blended into one constant ringing.

'Please…' It was barely a word. It was more of a breath that sounded somewhat like the word please. It was the most Elladora could do.

A scream. Her scream?

The world went black.

Regulus strolled down Diagon Alley, whistling quietly to himself. No one looked twice at him. He couldn't stop the happiness bubbling within.

Something else could, though. The front cover of every newspaper.

LUCIUS MALFOY'S WIFE TAKEN ILL!

ELLADORA MALFOY IN HOSPITAL AFTER BIRTH OF TWINS!

MALFOY TWINS BORN, MALFOY WIFE ILL!

ELLADORA MALFOY IN CRITICAL CONDITION!

ELLADORA MALFOY'S ILLNESS FOUL PLAY?

He rushed over and snatched up every paper, eyes desperately scanning them.

A thought, and he was back home. Narcissa glanced over from where she was reading. Her smile dropped off her face as she saw his look. 'What?'

Blindly, Regulus extended the papers. 'Look.'

Cissy emitted something like a sob. She wrenched the papers out of his grasp. 'No, no, no.' Shaking, she read every article, throwing them to the side when she'd finished. She dropped to her knees and screamed upwards, 'C'est tellement injuste! Avez-vous quelque chose contre elle? Est-elle la cible de toutes les mauvaises choses auxquelles vous pouvez penser? Comment peux-tu faire ça?'

Regulus silently translated in his head. (It's so unfair! Do you have something against her? Is she a target of every foul thing you can possibly think of? How can you do this?) It was as easy as breathing to speak French for Pureblood children, and it was often the language they reverted to when upset or angry. Regulus was inclined to join Narcissa in her screams.

Elladora, he remembered, had been silent, sweet and gentle. Her smile had come easily when in a conversation, and it had been a beautiful smile - one that lit up the whole room without the room knowing. Regulus had attended the Malfoy-Riddle wedding and watched the hope dying from that innocent girl's eyes as Lucius had clutched her arm. The beautiful smile had stayed, not once dampening, but it had been fake, Regulus knew, a smile that was forced. He'd seen such a smile on Narcissa's face. The wedding dress had been elaborate and stunning, outlining her figure. Lucius had run his possessive eyes up and down his body, the threat of what was to come lurking within them. Elladora had seen it and balked. Yet, somehow, she'd carried on down that aisle and pledged herself unflinchingly to man that would abuse her for the rest of her days.

She would be living that sentence for the rest of her life. If that wasn't enough, she'd given her health to provide him with children. Regulus doubted Lucius cared. Malfoy had probably looked at his children, smirked, handed them to a wet nurse and gone. Elladora would be alone in that darkness, that unconscious darkness, the darkness of her life. These children that she had borne with such love and joy could be her death sentence. How ironic. Life making death.

A particular memory of Elladora stuck out in Regulus's memory. It pushed its way to the forefront of his mind and whirled him away, away from the present and into the past.

Regulus waited by the grand staircase, restraining himself from hopping from foot to foot. His robe was suffocating. It could feel his happiness draining away from him the longer he stayed in this Pureblood society.

'Who do you wait for?' The voice was soft and feminine, coming from behind Regulus. He spun and saw a young woman standing before him. Her black hair was falling in soft waves over her shoulders, resting just above her chest. The front parts were tugged back into a clip, keeping her face clear. Pale skin contrasted her raven hair, and her big brown eyes were kind. Her thin eyebrows were pulled together in question, and her lips slightly open. The red that stained them was bright and obvious, dragging your attention down to her. Swirling around her was a stunning crimson dress. The material left her shoulders visible, and it drew in at her narrow waist to accentuate it. It then spilled out, looking like blood on the floor. Elladora Riddle. The name clicked into place. 'Who do you wait for, Regulus Black?' Elladora repeated.

'I wait for…' Regulus glanced up the stairs, 'I wait for no one, Miss Riddle. Perhaps you would accompany me to the ballroom?' He extended an arm courteously.

Elladora accepted it graciously, looping her arm through his. 'You lie, Mr Black, but I shall allow your diversion.'

Regulus couldn't help the smile that touched his face. 'You are very observant, Miss Riddle.'

'You are the first to notice, so I could say the same for you,' Elladora replied, the corners of her mouth tilting up. 'A walk round the garden, Mr Black?'

'I shall be honoured to accompany you.' Regulus changed their direction, and the two of them walked into the garden. It was a clear night, a few stars to be seen and a crescent moon. Malfoy Manor had always had the best gardens, Regulus thought, in that way Narcissa was lucky to live here.

'Who were you waiting for, Mr Black?' Elladora inquired, 'We are alone now, so you can speak freely.'

Regulus refrained from saying he could never speak freely round Purebloods. 'Please, Miss Riddle, call me Regulus.'

'Then, you may call me Elladora, but you are intentionally avoiding my question, Regulus.' She smiled up at him, 'Do not think me so easily distracted.'

'I beg your humble forgiveness; I was waiting for my cousin: Narcissa Malfoy.'

'Would she not already be at the ball as hostess?' Elladora asked, leaning ever so slightly further into Regulus's warmth.

'She returned to her chambers for a moment,' Regulus explained, 'I thought I may escort her back to the party.'

Elladora looked at him thoughtfully. 'You wished to have a private word with her. I am sorry for taking you away from your task.'

'There is no harm done,' Regulus replied swiftly, 'I am enjoying myself.'

They reached the edge of the wood. 'As am I,' Elladora said, and they turned to carry on their circle.

'May I ask what why you were lingering outside of the ball?'

'You may.' She sighed. 'They grow tedious without good conversation,' she laughed softly, 'I am glad you agreed to take a turn around the garden with me.'

'I am glad you asked.'

They paused at a bench, taking a seat. 'What do you plan for your life to be, Regulus?' Elladora breathed, as if she was shocked that she even dared ask the question.

Regulus answered the "good Pureblood boy" answer. 'I plan to marry a fellow Pureblood and have heirs to carry on my family line.'

She gave a little snort of laughter. 'Now speak the truth.'

He chuckled at her observation. 'You caught me out, Elladora. I do indeed plan to marry someday - find a woman that I love - but I hope to also do some good in this world.'

Elladora sighed contentedly, 'I agree. I should not wish for such a thing, but I wish to do something to bring some difference. I do not wish to just be a breeding animal.'

'No man should make you such a thing.' Regulus heard her quick intake of breath.

'Would you, Regulus?' She looked up at him, her eyes curious.

'Elladora,' he murmured, 'I could never make you anything else than what you are.'

A small hand reached up and brushed down his cheek. 'Regulus…'

He clasped her hand gently, holding it to him. 'Elladora…'

Suddenly, as if she realised what had just happened, Elladora snatched her hand away. 'We should not,' she said firmly, 'Not until you have made your intentions known to my father.'

'I shall,' he whispered, 'as soon as possible. Tonight even.'

'My father is not here tonight,' she told him, 'but tomorrow.'

He nodded, 'Tomorrow.'

Tomorrow had not come. By the next day, Narcissa had left, and Pureblood society was in uproar. Regulus and Elladora had lost their chance. Before Regulus had managed to approach Tom Riddle, Malfoy and Riddle had come to an agreement, and Elladora had been sold away. In a span of two days, everything in Regulus's life had been thrown up in the air… and come crashing down.

Regulus could never blame Narcissa that it had happened; she had needed to get away from Lucius. Regulus would never blame Elladora; she had had no choice in the matter. No, Regulus would blame Lucius Malfoy. It could only ever be Lucius Malfoy's fault.

People sometimes asked him if he would ever marry. It was the same answer: no. He could not love someone else; years ago, he had not imagined ever loving anybody. It had been a quick transition: from no love to a hopeless love. Too quick.

Regulus returned to the presence with a snap. Cissy was still collapsed on the floor, sobbing and screaming. He rushed over and enveloped her in a hug. He could not let his own emotions get out - not yet. It was an art he'd mastered over the years.

'I know, I know,' Regulus whispered against Narcissa's hair.

'She doesn't deserve this,' Narcissa cried, 'Anyone deserves it more than her.'

'I know, I know,' Regulus repeated.

'He wouldn't have stayed, Reggie.'

'I know, I know.'

'I'm going to bed,' she said quietly, stood and disappeared into her room.

Regulus watched her go, unable to voice words to comfort her. When she had disappeared, he sunk further into the floor, his head falling into her hands. He couldn't even go and see her; he was trapped because he'd run. He'd left her; he'd deserted her.

A knock on the window startled him out his thoughts. Regulus turned, remembering fondly a day when Narcissa had saved him through the similar knock, and saw a white owl hovering by the window. He opened the window, letting the bird in, and took the letter from its grasp. The handwriting was familiar.

Dearest Regulus,

I have but a few days until the birth of my fourth and fifth children. I thought I might write to you, not to request a meeting between us for that would be too painful, but to apologise. We lost so much, Regulus; we lost a chance to be happy together.

Sometimes, when I let myself sink too far into my thoughts, I imagine our life together. I sound like a little girl when I say that, but I thought that you may understand. It helps me - to dream. So, I shall continue to dream until the day I die; the joy of the dream distracting me from my own sorrow.

We would have had a short engagement, I think. I certainly would have wanted a quick one, so I could spend the rest of my life with you. The rest of my life with you. That sounds lovely, does it not? The rest of our lives together. How wonderful.

You would have almost fainted at my wedding dress, Regulus. Instead of specifying exactly what I was to wear, you would have given me free rein. It would have been a simple dress, elegantly cut. I would have laughed at the look on your face when I was walking down the aisle, and you would have smirked back at me. The vows we would have sworn would be real, true, sincere. I would have meant mine with all my heart – all my heart, Regulus.

A beautiful life, Regulus, that is what we would have crafted. I would have taken your name with such joy, such delight. Elladora Black. It has a certain ring to it; do you not think? Regulus and Elladora Black. It makes me smile just writing it, just seeing the words form on the page. To have said those words, Regulus, and known they were true.

I do not wish to hurt you with this letter, dearest Regulus. I would not, and will not, ever wish to hurt you. It would go against my very self, my very heart, my very soul. It is strange; I know I love you and yet I barely spent any time with you. Deep within me, though, I am aware that you were the person I was looking for my entire life. A cliché, but a true one.

This letter should finish here, I think. It should finish with a promise. I will always be yours, Regulus, even when things part of us. Even if death parts us, I shall be yours. This life is cruel for it took me from you – it took you from me. Fate has a twisted sense of humour, and we have to endure Her many taunts and jokes. Perhaps me more than most.

Yours forever,

Elladora.

Regulus scrunched up the paper in his hand, pain slamming into his heart. No physical pain, no, this pain was worse than anything like that. It ached and screamed and cut and tore and scarred. It ripped its way to his heart and stayed there, content to cause him as much agony as possible.

He wanted, needed, desperately to be there. He wanted to hold her hand and tell her he would be here. He wanted to reassure her that she was not alone; she was never alone. He wanted to bring her to his chest and cradle her there. He wanted to comfort her and love her like Lucius never would.

There was a sudden roaring in his ear. Everything within shouted at him to go, go and hurt Lucius. Go and make him feel the pain he had caused Narcissa and Elladora. Regulus pushed down the desire, shoved it deep within him. He stifled it, clasped a firm hand over its mouth. He could not. He could never. That was what hurt so much. There was not even a slight chance that he could find Lucius and kill him; there was not even a slight chance that he would be let in to see Elladora.

Perhaps his plan was a good thing. It gave him a chance to escape this world and go and find himself. All those years ago, suffocated by Pureblood traditions, he'd lost who he really was. Maybe he'd never even found it; he hadn't really had the chance. Find himself. It sounded so cliché, like such a long-lost dream. Would he ever be truly free of the shackles of Pureblood society? Would he ever really, truly have the chance to know what life was like without that shadow behind. Sirius had found that, Andy had found that, but they'd left long ago. They'd had lives to get on with people, people to know, people to see. They'd had hope and comfort and support. Regulus didn't have that. Because no offence to Cissy, Narcissa wasn't support. She was struggling just as he was, if not more. She was fighting to keep her head above water and failing time and time again. They were quite a pair, Regulus and Narcissa, a pair lost in an ocean somewhere far, far away.

Regulus laughed bitterly at his own thought. An ocean. He could be poetic in times of despair it seemed. Though poems wouldn't help him now. It felt like an ocean that he was drowning with, now all he had to do was find an island, or some land, or a boat. A boat would probably be the best option. Why his brain kept persisting with particular image was beyond him, though. It would be much easier to say it as it was. He and Narcissa were stuck in their own thoughts, in their own minds. Draco helped drag them out occasionally, but the two of them kept falling into memories. A wrong move and they were consumed by them. If someone said the wrong thing, if someone touched you on the arm at the wrong moment, if someone mentioned a particular subject while you were thinking about it, if someone made some sort of comment towards Draco. Boom. You were suffering as you replayed every bad moment, every moment of misery or pain.

Somehow, during his thought rant, Regulus had ended up back at his own apartment. He laughed at himself and walked over to the bedroom. He needed sleep. Lots of it. Tomorrow morning everything would be better, and he would feel refreshed. Maybe this was all just a bad dream, and when he fell asleep he'd actually be waking up. Maybe. A nightmare would be what really happened, he knew, but if you didn't try fooling yourself, how would you ever know you couldn't?

Lucius was there, and he was smirking. She knew without looking down she had no clothes on. Lucius, on the other hand, was fully clothed and running his gaze up and down her body possessively. His wand was suddenly in his hand, and she knew what was coming seconds before it hit. She flew backwards against the wall, blacking out. Stupefy. When she woke up, she'd be pinned onto the bed. Pinned being the pleasantest term.

Sure enough, when she woke from the Stunning Spell, Lucius was hovering over her. He was still clothed, but it wasn't likely that he would become unclothed until the very end. This was their ritual: she did what he asked, and he enjoyed himself.

It was happening over and over, replaying itself time and time again. She couldn't escape, no matter how hard she tried. She just saw him, laughing and playing. Over and over she felt the Stupefy hit, and over and over she experienced her first night with him. Her first night… This had been her first night. He had never explained what he was going to do; he'd just done it. So quickly – so quickly she'd fallen from innocence.

No longer was she innocent; no longer was she hidden from the horrors of the world. She was feeling this shock over and over, reliving the moment when every childhood dream had vanished.

There he was again, and his wand was out and… Stupefy. Over and over. Again, and again. Time after time. Hundreds of times, thousands of times, millions of times. She tried to pull herself, tried to find the light, but nothing. She couldn't even shout or scream or cry for help.

So Elladora suffered alone and found no way out. Darkness would be better than this.

Hey everyone! HAPPY EASTER! Please REVIEW - tell me if this made you sad because it made me sad. By the way, Elladora-Regulus happened spur-of-the-moment and came out as I was writing (as things do!). I think it works, and it certainly explains why Regulus doesn't seem to be able to love, doesn't it? I apologise for the two Elladora scenes. They're quite sad... just a little bit... Anyway, please REVIEW and let me know what you think! I hope you have a wonderful day with lots and LOTS of chocolate!