After I had made it home and into my bed, ready to call it a night, I had checked my phone one last time, seeing that MaryLou had called me while I was with my parents and left a voicemail, suggesting I'd drop by for a coffee and a chat if I needed anything. My first instinct was to text her back right away, declining her offer, seeing how I wasn't sure I needed any more interactions with people. Morelli and my mother had been enough to last me for a while. But then I thought this was MaryLou and that we had been friends since forever and she always had been a valid source of feedback and advice. And leaving her out of something like what was going on at the moment seemed wrong.
So I texted her back, suggesting either brunch or just some coffee at her place and that we could talk if she felt she needed to listen to my craziness. She replied instantly, making sure I understood that nothing was ever too crazy to tell her and that she'd always be there for me.
"I'm not sure I understand," Mary Lou said softly, looking at me sadly after I had explained the last few days.. "So… he is gone? Are you sure?" she asked uncertain. I knew Mary Lou and Ranger never really crossed paths – or often. She had heard enough stories about him and us and might have run into him maybe once or twice, but that was all the contact they had. So her looking as sad and slightly distraught as she was right now was on some level a relief. Apart from the Merry Men there weren't any people in my life that understood my friendship with Ranger or the part he played in my life. On some days I didn't understand it either if I was being honest. My family and most friends all shared the same opinion about Ranger being a thug running a company with more thugs. They never got to see the man that he was, the amazing things that he did and went through. For them it only counted that he wasn't one of them, that he was different and that was all they needed to know.
He was a good guy with a good heart and who did a lot of good work. I knew that he wasn't always doing things that were defined as good by the law, but they were good in a much greater and bigger sense and picture. People just saw what they wanted to see, the rather grey areas he shifted in sometimes and the people he associated with in order to do a good job and keep most of them unbeknownst to most of them save. The funniest thing was that you had told him often enough that you thought he was a better man than what his reputation in the burg said and that you honestly believed he was a good man and way better than most men you knew. He believed you as much as you believed him when he kept saying you are better and set to achieve higher things that what most people around me kept telling me. Despite the fact that we were the other ones most trusted person, we never trusted or believed in these words or opinions from the other one and always had doubts, thinking the other one just didn't get the whole picture.
Out of everyone and their little minds the Burg produced, Mary Lou always had been different. She was born and raised in the Burg and though she was from here, she never had problems with others that weren't. Or judged people based on their reputation or hear-say.
I just nodded at her earlier questions, confirming that she had heard correctly. She looked at me for a long moment, swaying her head left and right. "How are you, Steph? You must feel terrible."
"I've had better days or weeks if I'm honest," I offered, smiling at her weakly.
"I'm sorry. I know how close you and Ranger had been. I never really knew him as such, but from the things you mentioned he seemed like a really great guy and friend."
I just nodded, thinking about my next question carefully. I came here to seek her advice and see what she'd say to Ranger's rather outlandish last request. Again, just like Morelli, I wasn't expecting a magical answer to my concern, but rather a rough idea and guidance in a direction that would help me finding whatever it was that I was looking for.
"Due to his …job and the dangers it held Ranger had a will that dealt with the business side of his life," I eventually started, after I had another few sips of coffee. MaryLou didn't say anything, just nodded hesitantly as if gauging where this could go and waiting it out for her answer. "He… he somehow thought that the best idea for his company was when it was run by me if one of his government jobs didn't pan out they were supposed to and he wouldn't come back from one of his missions."
I let that statement settle for a moment with my best friend, not saying anything else. It was a lot to take in - first my news that he was dead and now me telling her that he wanted me to run his company. I was almost certain what she'd say eventually, probably not too different from what I had told O'Malley and what Morelli had said to me earlier.
"So… Ranger's decision is that you take over RangeMan and do what exactly?" she asked confused and also curious. And I didn't blame her. I had been confused, Morelli less so, but still to some minor degree and now MaryLou joined that merry club.
"Um… manage and run it I suppose."
"And do you think you can do that? It is a rather successful company and you had never done anything like that before."
"I know and that's why I am not sure what I am supposed to do. I mean… I don't even know what state of mind he was in when he came up with this rather weird idea. I mean, can you imagine me actually doing it?"
"I actually could," she said matter of factly, surprising me in the progress. By the way she had asked her questions and had looked at me when I confirmed I figured a different reply.
"I…what?" I asked surprised. "You could? How? Why?"
"I'm not saying you should, but I definitely could see you running that company. I mean who is better qualified for that job than you? You know the company and the men working there. They trust you and I assume you trust them. Especially seeing how often one of them was your previous sidekick or shadow. You never even let Morelli tell you a lot in regards of how to do your job, but these men you trusted and their opinion was valued by you. You are a smart girl and always managed to find your way around uncertainty and situations unfamiliar to you. I'm not saying go for it and that would be a walk in the park, especially since you never did anything remotely similar before, but… if you don't try you'll never know. I never met your friend, but from the things you mentioned he seems like a smart and intelligent guy. So I'd say he probably had reason to see you as his successor."
I was stunned into silence for a long while, not having expected that sort of speech. I had assumed MaryLou would have gone a similar path like Joe and my mother, telling me that this was not a good idea and that was out of my depth and should not even think about it.
"So you don't think I would be way over my head jumping into this?" I asked warily.
"The things is, Stephanie, I …I don't know what to tell you in regards of a decision. You need to know what you want to do, whether regardless of qualifications, this is something you'd like to do, see yourself doing. Ignore everyone who kept telling you for years that there was only one direction and path for you and just listen to what you yourself think and feel. Ranger doesn't know everything and I guess even he can be wrong – despite the fact that for years you kept telling me things differently," my friend laughed, stopping herself for a moment before continuing. "Just because he wants you to take over doesn't mean you have to. He can hardly come down on you and tell you off for ignoring his request now, can he?"
I needed to laugh at that image myself, having a mental picture of Carlos rising from the dead just to tell me one last time I'd amuse him. And maybe for once I wouldn't be just a line in his budget – the entertainment section even less so.
"In the end you need to make up your mind with a decision that is well thought through and not just the reaction to someone's opinion. It is your life, so you should do what suits you best. But when you make that decision, you need to stick with it and damn everyone else who thinks they know what's best for you to do. For years you have been stuck in a job that you might maybe enjoy, but that also holds you back in my opinion in some way. I'd just like to see you succeed and find that one thing in your life you'll truly love and enjoy doing. Maybe it is with RangeMan, maybe it isn't…. just…spent a good amount of time thinking about what you want to do regardless – and not just in connection with this company but in regards of life and yourself."
"I think you are the first person who actually doesn't try to push me into a certain direction. And that is certainly refreshing for a change," I admitted, seeing my best friend nod in agreement.
"I know what you mean and I am not really surprised. Look at where we grew up, Stephanie. Here, everyone thinks they know what you have to do, what is best for you and that they know best. Which as we all know is often enough misplaced and fraudulent worry. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and friends and I also love the neighborhood, but sometimes it gets a little too much. Just remember the drama about Lenny and me dating and then getting married. Lenny had to jump through so many hopes and inquisitions, if not to say interrogations, one could almost assume he was marrying into some royal family. And everyone had an opinion about us and whether or not we were suited for each other. Things like that get into your head quickly and mess with it, making you question everything. It takes a special kind of person to stay strong and damn the opinions."
"For all the years I've known you I never knew you thought like that," I admitted to her partially surprised as well as in admiration. Very few people had an actual opinion that went against the general opinion the Burg expressed.
"I learned to keep my mouth shut," MaryLou answered, smiling wildly at me. "Makes things easier in general. But sometimes, it really is fun to be difficult and make things a tiny bit harder for some people."
I needed to laugh at her remark, finding it true. When we had been kids MaryLou and me loved to be a bit more difficult, but over the years we stopped. It just wasn't as fun anymore. Or rather, the constant reprimands from our parents stopped being fun at some point.
When I left MaryLou's place several hours later, still not sure where to go and what to do, but with a promise to my best friend to 'listen to my heart' I figured the only group of people I hadn't consulted had been the people this would most likely affect the most – apart from me. So I turned my car in the direction of RangeMan, ready to hear their thoughts on the whole topic. I knew I didn't have to expect the same sort of reactions like I had encountered with Joe or my parents, but wasn't able to gauge what their take would be.