June 7, 1966
Hello diary,
As of today, Cathy is fully moved out. Is this what empty nesting feels like? I mean, I felt it a little with Chris, but this feels so much different! It's so much quieter. Chris was always quiet, and Cory plays his music pretty quiet unless it's something we both like, and Carrie is hardly around anymore. Teenager things, I guess. I made sure to take Cath grocery shopping, she ought to be fully stocked for the month. I know she can do it on her own, of course, and she can more than afford it, but it feels like the parent thing to do. Miriam gave me grocery money when we first moved out, it's like passing it on.
On a more negative note, the date with Paul last night? An absolute bust. Nothing was wrong with him, nothing at all, but I just… couldn't do it. Something in my mind saw those suitor's faces on his, something wrong, and I just panicked. In the middle of dinner, I went to the payphone to call a cab before I broke down, and I told him that I called home to check in and that Cory was sick, and I had to leave. I lied to him. I feel terrible. I know he isn't mad at me at all, and at work today he seemed sympathetic. I guess my lie was a really good one. He wasn't suspicious for a second. He even gave me a get-well-soon card.
I wish I wasn't so good at lying.
I don't know if I'll ever be able to have a boyfriend, let alone a husband. Cathy is dating, Chris has a long-term girlfriend I think, and Carrie is already thinking about homecoming this fall and what boy she'll go with. I feel like I'm lagging behind, even though I know that's not true. I deserve happiness, after all these years. Almost six years and I still can't do it.
Maybe next year.
Until next time,
Camilla D.