Chapter 8 - That is for her to decide

"Dorota I need help putting on my necklace."

Dorota made her way over to Blair. "What does Mr Chuck think?" she asked Blair as she helped her put on her necklace.

"What is it any of Mr Chuck's business?" Blair was unsure why Dorota thought anything she was doing should concern Chuck.

"I told you God always watching Miss Blair and you don't fool me. You and Mr Chuck are not that clever and you have been seeing each other and not for the Empire." Dorota needed Blair to admit that she was playing a dangerous game by seeing Chuck and talking to Louis at the same time. It would end with someone getting hurt and she had seen first hand what happens when Blair tries to make Chuck jealous.

"That's none of your business." Blair knew Dorota would be able to see straight through her but she still couldn't admit to Dorota that she was right.

"And when Mr Louis find out?" Dorota raised a eyebrow at Blair.

"I'm just going to show Louis around New York. It is nothing more."

"And when Mr Chuck sees?" Dorota wasn't done questioning Blair.

"There is nothing for Mr Chuck to see or worry himself about. I am Blair Waldorf I do not have to ask permission from anyone. If I want to spend the day with Louis than I can." Blair was getting defensive as she didn't want to talk about her plan.

"You play a dangerous game Miss Blair."

"I'm not playing any game Dorota." Blair rolled her eyes.

"Whatever you say Miss Blair."

Blair started to head for her bedroom door but turned back to look at Dorota. "I will see you tomorrow and Dorota, don't forget my dry cleaning."

"No, Miss Blair."

"I thought we agreed last night that that was the last time?" Blair was surprised to see Chuck at the doorway of her bedroom. Blair had stupidly agreed to let Chuck take her home without thinking about the nostalgia of them two alone in his limo. It ended with Arthur having to drive around a lot longer than it took to reach her apartment and Blair telling Chuck that was the last time she was going to sleep with him.

"That's not why I am here Blair." Chuck responded as he knew Blair would assume that their recent activities was why he was here.

"Then why?" Blair asked and sat on the edge of her bed.

"Gossip Girl." Chuck moved closer too her.

"Chuck." Blair stood up so she could get closer to him. She knew there was some part of her that went to meet Louis to try and make him jealous but what did it matter they were just exes engaging in a bit of hate sex?

"Just here me out, it isn't what you think." He wasn't here to lose his temper or tell her what she was doing was wrong. He wasn't even jealous. Well, not to the point that he would do something to destroy whatever was going on between her and the prince.

"Chuck, I'm not ready." Blair didn't know if she was talking about Chuck or Louis but it was how she felt. She made eye contact with him as she knew he would be able to see what she was unable to say to him.

"I know and I think you need time. Time to discover what you want." Chuck knew she was confused and knew she needed time after everything she had been through.

"What are you saying?" Blair was confused.

"You put your life on hold for me. You've spent your whole life trying to please others and then I thought I was helping you by leaving the Empire to you when I really should have seen I was once again causing you more pain."

"That's not entirely true."

"Blair, I should have thought about the memories that the Empire bring up for you. The pain to even step foot in it when I did nothing but prove to you that something I owned meant more to me than you." Chuck knew it was time they finally faced the truth that he had caused her an unforgiveable amount of pain. That he had put something he owned and money above his love for her.

"Why are we bringing all this up again?" Blair sat back down on her bed. She was tired of talking about what had happened with the Empire. She had to face it once she was running it. She had come to understand why he had done what he had done. It didn't mean she now agreed with how he didn't include her in his plan but everyone made mistakes and he knew it was one.

"Because we need to. We can't avoid it forever. It's preventing you from moving on." Chuck was finally getting to the reason he was here.

"Moving on from what?"

"From me." Chuck sat down next to Blair on the bed.

"I never said that's what I wanted." This wasn't helping, she wasn't ready to fight for him but she also wasn't quite ready to fight for a relationship with him either.

"You know what I saw today?" He turned to look at her.

"What?" She met his eyes.

"Pictures of you, smiling with pure joy. It didn't matter to me who you were with because that's all I ever wanted for you and it looks like you've finally found someone that brings it out in you without the fear that they may hurt you." Chuck smiled but Blair noticed it didn't quite reach his eyes.

"You don't know that." She shook her head. She didn't want to hear it as much as it was the truth. She wasn't afraid that Louis might hurt her in the way that Chuck had.

"So tell me I'm wrong." Chuck paused and waited for her to say otherwise even though he could see that she knew what he was saying was right. "You can't. You can't even face what people might say if they know that we've been together. I used to be happy to hide in the shadows Blair but I can't do that anymore. Something you try and hide is a mistake and you aren't a mistake to me."

"I just need more time." Blair wasn't sure if she was now pleading with herself or him. It was true, she did need more time, to process and move past the fear.

"You need a chance to find out who Blair Waldorf is and to know what true happiness feels like." He took hold of her hand to try and comfort her.

"Chuck please."

"If two people are meant to be together eventually they will find their way back to each other."

"You really believe that?" She took her hand out of his to stroke his face.

"Yes, but you deserve a chance to figure it out on your own without me interfering or trying to decide what I think is best for you."

"It wasn't always bad." She needed him to know that she didn't regret their relationship.

"I know."

"Thank you." She didn't know whether she was thanking him for giving her the space to figure out what she wanted or for putting her chance at happiness above his.

"For you, anytime. I should be going. Bye Waldorf." He stood up, kissed her on the cheek and started to head towards her bedroom door.

"Bye Bass." A single tear fell from her eye as she watched him walk away. She didn't know if she was ready to say goodbye to the hope of them just yet but he was right she would always resent him if she didn't see where things went with Louis. She had put her life on hold to help him and if she didn't figure out who she wanted Blair Waldorf to be she would lose her identity and end up resenting him.

Chuck opened the door to his suite to see Nate standing in front of him, he wasn't in the mood for another confrontation, today not ended the way he thought it would and just wanted to be alone. "How can I help you Nathaniel?"

"Can I come in?" Nate asked

"Sure" Chuck moved out of the way of the door to let Nate in. He couldn't deny him a chance to make amends, he had just lost Blair and didn't want to lose a chance of repairing his friendship with Nate too.

"Serena told me what you did." Nate said as he walked toward the couch and sat down.

Chuck winced, he didn't want everyone to know, what he had done should remain private. He hadn't told anyone what had been going on with Blair and he thought she would have done the same but Serena was already suspicious. Chuck knew she would have gone and questioned her after seeing the pictures of Blair with Louis. "So what?"

"Chuck, I was wrong." He looked around the suite. "Why you staying here at the Palace and haven't come home to the Empire?" Nate didn't want him to avoid the subject of the Empire any longer, technically he hadn't made sure that it was okay for him to still be living there, and it was Chuck's home.

"That's your home." Chuck knew what Nate was hinting at but that was something the old Chuck would have done but punishing people no longer brought him any gain.

"Come on Chuck, we're brothers, we might disagree occasionally but ultimately I don't want to fight with you. Your room is still the way you left it and I can move out if that will make things easier?"

"And live with Serena?" Chuck asked sarcastically. He knew Nate wasn't really serious about moving out and he didn't want him to.

"Who knows?" Nate wasn't sure if that's what he really wanted. Him and Serena had been getting pretty serious but he wasn't sure they were ready to live together. Truth is he wasn't sure where he would go.

"You don't need to move out of the Empire. Scotch?" Chuck walked towards the bar to pour himself a drink. He was serious as he wasn't sure why he hadn't gone back to the Empire yet and would never make Nate homeless. Initially, it was because Blair still owned the Empire and he didn't want to live there while she did and then it was for a bit more privacy while he was sneaking around with Blair. Now he really had no reason to stay at the Palace. He would have to face the memories that haunted him when he was at the Empire eventually and he couldn't sell it now that it might hold his last memories of a relationship with Blair.

"Yeah sure. You know Chuck, what you did today, that might be the most selfless thing you have ever done." Nate wanted Chuck to know what he had done today proved that he was a better man than the one that had left and got shot in Prague. It was the reason he had come to his suite at the Palace, they had all doubted him when he said he had changed and they shouldn't have done. Once again, they had judged him when they said they wouldn't.

"She deserved a chance at true happiness with a prince." It was the real reason he had done it. He had waited to have a conversation with her about what they were doing sneaking around. What had initially started as hate sex had turned into something more. He found himself lost in spending as much time as possible with her. Until he had saw the pure joy on her face in those photographs. He knew he would never see her look at him like that without some hesitation. Without some fear that he would make a mistake and hurt her again. It was then that he knew their conversation had to be about her putting herself first and not worrying about him.

"And what if she could have that with you?" Nate wanted to understand what Chuck's motivation had been. He didn't want to believe it could be a scheme to win Blair over as even Serena was sure it wasn't.

"I hurt her too much."

"You know a prince doesn't always mean a happy ending?"

"You've seen her scrapbooks Nate it is her dream." Chuck needed Nate to understand so could stop talking about it.

"Her dream used to be marrying me" Nate chuckled thinking about it. "Not everything in those scrapbooks coming true means she'll be happy." It was silly for Chuck to think he should give up on a chance of them being happy over a childhood dream.

"Then that is for her to decide."

"You still love her?" It wasn't a statement from Nate but more of a question. He couldn't understand how if Chuck still loved Blair why he had convinced her to try with Louis.

"I can't imagine the day I won't." Chuck handed Nate the drink he had just poured him and sat down next to him.

"Then why let her go?" Nate needed to know, everyone was confused, they thought Chuck and Blair were always going to long lasting as they were the only ones that understood each other. Sometimes it got difficult between them but they always managed to get through it. This didn't feel like a pause until they figured things out, this felt like they had finally got to a point of making it work but had hesitated at the last hurdle.

"Because of what I done being with me would only make her constantly think that everything I do maybe another time I cause her more pain. Until she is able to know what she really wants she will live in regret. I did it to save her a lifetime of darkness."