um this chapter was semi proofread since it was rushed? I've been pretty busy recently. Im getting ready to graduate from highschool so yeah. There was alot of procrastination. I'm really sorry yallðŸ˜
Also I love reading you guys reviews! so be sure to do just that!
Drinking can be fun.
Really fun.
The alcohol conquered his brain, dominating his thoughts and actions as if it were its own. And that can feel good.
Really, really good.
Not being in control all the time.
Being carefree.
Not giving a shit about his surroundings, but living in the moment as if it's his last day on earth.
It feels...euphoric almost.
Key word- almost .
He feels like he's on top of the world, like a voyager who traveled through the rocky mountains of Iwa and fevered Suna deserts, who finally reached his peak. It's a high that he doesn't want to come down from.
So yeah, maybe it was kind of euphoric.
Because the feeling of euphoria...is the feeling of delight and joy. One feels light, like a cloud. All weight has been lifted. And once that happens, he's able to float. Float so high that he becomes one with the clouds, until he reaches the blueness of the sky, or the yellow of the sun.
Or maybe he can reach something better, and veer out further into space. Perhaps reaching the unknown colors of the cosmos and hoping that its vibrant colors consume him entirely.
Too unrealistic? He doesn't think so.
Because it feels really good. To be so carefree.
Because then he doesn't feel so lonely. That feeling disappears entirely. He won't feel like he's missing any part of him, because he'll be whole. Expectations and standards of who he's supposed to be are nothing but words; they don't feel as heavy anymore, they don't hold depth and meaning. Because like a cloud, he can float and drift away until the sun finds and greets him with warm and welcoming arms, congratulating him for accomplishing his goals, for proving those wrong who underestimated him.
Maybe Shikamaru was onto something, because being a cloud sounds fucking amazing...at least in the moment. It sounds super unrealistic, that he knows. But when was Naruto Uzumaki ever a rational guy? He's a visionary who looks to the stars, because he knows that his parents are watching. His master, grinning. His genius, observing. They're all watching from the stars above, waiting for him to achieve the achievable.
So yeah, he's a visionary with goals that still need completion.
Everyone he's defeated had a logical reason for what they did. He has logical reasons too, but that's not the point. Logic and order are good sometimes, sure. But nothing ever goes wrong with spontaneity and altruism.
But nevertheless, he digresses. Those are tangent thoughts speaking.
So going back on track-
Drinking can be fun. It can be euphoric, in some twisted way. Because one minute he's experiencing the highs of an alcoholic beverage, swimming in the buzz, and if he's lucky enough, drowning in the cosmos of colorful bliss. And in the next minute-
It happens.
Reality pulls on his leg, sending him underneath the cosmos, back into the blue hue of the Earth's atmosphere where he falls.
His body is descending from the sky at a fast rate, the clouds watching him fall with sullen auras, and suddenly he doesn't feel as light anymore.
The weight that wasn't there before is back, and as he falls, the weight clings onto him like cacti. It will hurt to pry off. It claws at his back, pierces deep into his shoulders. And the weight doesn't care if he's already falling from the sky, because when he comes down from the high, he must fall. There's no escaping it. And during that dreadful fall, he must endure the hit of all consequences being thrown at him, no matter how bad the damage is.
The impact when he hits the ground is even greater. Because with all the extra weight, he's going to hit the surface hard . Like a meteor, he'll crash, creating destruction within himself, and everything around him.
And now that he's taken the fall, the damage has been done. And fuck- it's bad.
Really, really bad.
Because now he's back in the real world and he's tired and nauseous and hungry all at once, and he doesn't know what to do. His head hurts like hell, and he tells himself for real this time- he will quit drinking. Forever.
He will quit. He will quit.
I will quit.
He remembers telling himself the last time he drank, and the time before that. And maybe the time before that one too, because fuck- he can't remember. But he's serious this time. In the shallow depths of his mind he can feel Kurama's 'hmph' and picture him shaking his head, but he's serious this time, believe it! …
Fine , maybe he won't stop. More like taking a break is the correct term.
Because when his lips kiss the rims of heady sake bottles and the harsh taste of liquor collides against his tongue, his mind wanders off into nothingness and sinful desires take over. The burning sensation stings his throat, and it stings in a good way that fires him up, and he likes it. Alot.
Once he starts, he can't stop. And honestly, it feels really good. Because then his throat gets used to the sensation, and after the first couple of harsh drinks, it becomes easier. And once that happens, his mind slowly starts to drift like a cloud. It feels fluffy after that. Light even, like a cloud.
So yeah, drowning himself in alcohol is one thing.
But inappropriately touching a precious friend is another.
And fuck .
Those, Naruto thinks, are two very different things.
She's been a little distant lately, and he knows why.
He knows exactly why.
It's been more than a week now since he last saw her. He hasn't heard a word from her, or seen her for that matter.
Yeah, he was completely wasted that night. His mind was on autopilot, and he let the alcohol take over. Usually one forgets everything they did, being completely drunk and all. But not him. Nope, not Naruto Uzumaki.
He remembers everything , which happens to be a blessing and a curse. He never really understood why he was able to recollect every single memory that being drunk had to offer, but he came to terms with it.
Because he can remember everything, he sometimes thinks about whether or not he has true authority over his body. Drunk or not, he's still him. All actions committed by his drunk self are being committed by him .
Which leads him to the big question-
Is Naruto Uzumaki a bad person?
Well of course not! If anything, he's the exact opposite. He's the hero of the leaf! A loyal Konoha shinobi that cares deeply for his friends and the safety of the village. Does that sound like a bad person? If anything, that sounds like a good person. Yeah...so he is, in fact, a good guy.
Yeah…
A good guy.
Although a good guy wouldn't touch their friend in an appropriate manner though, especially if said friend expressed how uncomfortable they were. A good guy would've never even thought about touching a friend to begin with. Even if that friend was really attractive, with very soft skin…
It seems that he was drunk on the idea of her...and everything that makes her her .
Shit.
He shouldn't even be thinking of her in that way to begin with! And with that thought, Naruto concluded that he was a certified pervert. He can deny it no longer...as painful as it sounds.
He has to apologize. He needs to apologize. But for reasons that he doesn't know...he still hasn't. It's not that he's scared or anything- scratch that, he's actually scared as hell.
But who could blame him? Just imagining a mob of all of their friends coming after him was enough to make him cower in fear.
The mere thought of confrontation was eating him alive.
What if she already told someone about what went down between them? What if it was multiple people? Being confronted by Kiba and Shino... plus a huge ass ninja dog at that? Hell no.
"Naruto?"
Lee's voice was an abrupt cut to his thoughts. He doesn't even know how long he's been staring out into space, but hopefully it wasn't that long.
He turns to the ninja beside him, watching him stretch out his arms and legs.
Rock Lee, bushy brows, handsome devil of the leaf. He was always super energetic, an ardent ninja who was always ready for a fight. Lee was the very embodiment of a ninja; hard work and perseverance. Naruto admires that about him.
They're at some training ground taking a break from their recent spar. He found that sparring with Lee has improved his stamina and taijutsu, and since then has been sparring with him on regular occasions.
"Yeah?"
"Would you like to continue our spar? If you are not feeling youthful today, that is alright! The world will always be full of tommorows-"
"Im fine, bushy brows. Why'd you ask?"
"Forgive me but, you seem a little distracted...your movements are a little slow, and there is not a lot of force being put into your hits like usual. Is something bothering you, Naruto?"
"Um…" He looks back towards the ground, thoughts resurfacing. Was he really that bothered? To the point where his movements were considered slow? Was this interfering with his training?
"...can we call it a day? I'm sorry for cutting it short and all...I guess I am a little distracted, y'know?"
"Are you sure there is nothing bothering you? I would be happy to help you in any situation given!"
"..."
When he doesn't answer, Lee's rectangular brows furrowed, his curious eyes beaming, "What seems to be the issue, Naruto?"
"Do you think I'm a good person, bushy brows?"
The taijutsu specialist seems shocked by his question, probably not expecting that being said by the normally enthusiastic blond. "...Naruto? Of course I do! Why would anyone think differently?
"I don't know...I.." He looks at his palms. They're roughly calloused from years of fighting and a little sweaty from the spar. His eyes trace along the indented lines in his hands, noting the different directions they diverge to. The very same hands that touched her...
"good people make mistakes, right?"
Lee seemed to ponder on his statement before coming to a conclusion, a bright smile encasing his features, "Of course they do! I make mistakes all the time, but my youthfulness and the ideologies of guy-sensei are here to remind me that my mistakes do not define my character!"
"I know that, about how mistakes don't define me, but…"
"People can always learn and grow from their mistakes. If we learn from our failure, then we can succeed to greater triumphs! You out of all people should know this!"
He's got a point...
Of course he's got a point!
He can't continue to dwell on this situation if he already dragged it out long enough. If she's looking for an apology, he can give her an apology. He recognized his mistake. He's still a good person, he just has to prove it to her.
"Yeah, you're right! Thanks Bushy Brows, I owe you one!"
Lee seems a little confused by his abrupt change in demeanor, but there was no time to explain.
He needs to find her now!
He waves a goodbye to his friend before he heads off. He's running through the training grounds, heading straight for the road until something catches his eye.
He abruptly stops, his thoughts scrambling at what he just saw. That's not what he thought it was...was it? Because there is no way in hell that was it…
Slowly, he retraces his steps, walking towards the estranged object on the ground.
His eyes widened at the sight of it.
It was the doll, that very doll he bought that kid maybe a month back. The head of the doll was nowhere in sight. It was missing an arm as well.
He can feel his jaw clenching, his fist tightening at his sides. He was fuming.
Why is the doll here? Along the outskirts of Konoha woods? What was that kid even doing here?
Where is she?
The girl...he couldn't remember her name. But that's not important. For all he knows is that she could be hurt.
Calming himself down, he balances the natural energy of nature with his own before entering sage mode. Sorting through endless signatures, his senses touch on a very faint flow of chakra, almost as if it was dying out. It belongs to the girl.
His legs start moving on their own, taking him to the exact location of the girl.
He arrives in the busy streets of Konoha. Rushing through the sea of people, he hurriedly shuffles his feet towards the chakra signature. He deactivated his sage mode once he finally spotted the girl...who was walking with some guy? His hand clenches the doll tightly at the sight.
Who is this guy?
"Hey! Stop!" He speed walks towards the pair, probably bringing attention to himself. He doesn't care though. The girl was his top priority.
He catches up to them, placing a hand on the guys shoulder to prevent them from walking any further. The guy turns around, his hand clasped tightly on the little girls…
Why can't he remember her name?
That's suspicious...that's weird.
He takes a good look at the guy before him.
Naruto decided he didn't like this guy. Not one bit. His gold yellow-ish eyes seem lurking, looking for trouble left and right. He had untamed raven locs and a star freckled face. Soft but rigid, prominent features sculpted his face. He was probably one of those pretty boys that ruined everyone's lives for the fun of it. Yeah...this guy was definitely a Sasuke 2.0.
And his eyes. Whatever goldish looking color his eyes were...they were honestly creeping him out. Like they were staring deep into his soul...
Naruto inwardly shivers at the thought.
He looks at the little girl beside him, and then one last look at the guy before him.
There was something off about him, Naruto can feel it. His hunches may not always be accurate like his sensei's, but…
He looks at the guy's hand that holds the little girl's own. This guy had to be a creep.
"What are you doing with that girl?!" the words came out a little harsher then intended, but he didn't care.
"...Uzumaki-san?" The guy looks at him cautiously yet deliberately. "...It's a pleasure to meet you!" the guy flashes a pearly smile towards him before clarifying, "You don't have to worry. I'm bringing her back to the shelter."
Naruto eyes him cautiously before looking at the girl again. She looks off. Her wide grey eyes seemed dull of life, and her hair was even more matted than before. She didn't even acknowledge his presence at all. She seems to be caught in a trance by the way she was just standing there, her hand conjoined with that weird guy.
He crouches down and reaches for her, placing the tattered doll in her free hand. "This belongs to you...doesn't it?"
She doesn't respond to him. She only stands there like some sort of zombie. The doll doesn't stay in her hand for long before it drops to the ground.
Why is she acting like this?
For the life of him, he couldn't remember her name. And it was pissing him off. Forgetting the doll, he stands back up straightening himself before eyeing the weird guy again. "Where did you find her?"
"I found her wandering around town. You don't have to worry though. I volunteer at the shelters often, and this one likes to escape on her own sometimes."
Yeah right.
He steps closer to the guy, their eyes leveling one another. "Why does she look like this? She's acting weird."
"She usually gets like this."
"I don't believe you." His voice sounded unusually low in his ears.
"Look...I don't fight Shinobi that resemble a God. It's just, you know...not my cup of tea."
Naruto narrows his eyes, confused as to where he was going with this. "I'm not looking for a fight."
"Then why are you getting defensive...why are you arguing with me?"
"I'm not arguing with you?"
"We're in a disagreement, aren't we?"
"Yeah, but-"
"Then we're arguing."
If he could, Naruto would slap the shit out of this guy. But his morals said otherwise.
His eyes roamed over the guy looking for a shinobi headband, but he didn't have one. Why even mention fighting him in the first place?
"I'm a retired shinobi, by the way. If that's the answer to your unvoiced question."
It was, but he didn't need to know that. This weird guy was aggravating him. It just feels like he can't be trusted. He doesn't even know why he's getting such vibes from him. The little girl was worrying him. From what he can remember, she actually displayed emotion. And now she looks...lost. He's beginning to feel overwhelmed, and he hated feeling overwhelmed.
If Hinata was here right now, she would know what to do.
But she isn't.
Hinata wants nothing to do with him.
And that made him even more pissed than he already was.
Roughly brushing the guy's shoulder with his own, he stormed past them, making his way towards the Hokage tower.
Konoha civilians turn their heads his way as he shuffles pass them, an unsteady look on each of their faces.
Naruto scoffed at this. What a familiar sight.
Society defined him as a happy face, bright smile, and welcoming aura. That was him.
Not this angry, seething, and threatening jinjuriki that was currently walking among them.
No, that couldn't be him anymore, right?
Because he was the savior now.
The savior of the shinobi world.
This is who he was now. As always, he'll put on a mask. He'll satisfy their eyes with a somber smile.
A smile that heroes would smile.
A smile that recognizes his acceptance, given by the people.
It will always remain an unspoken covenant between him and the citizens of Konoha.
He was at the Hokage tower in an instant. He walks the halls, eyes searching for a certain someone that he doesn't want to run into. Afterall, he was a good thirty minutes late. Dealing with a cold stare on a cold morning was enough to freeze his sanity.
At first it was fine, with the Nara being nowhere in sight. If he hurries, then maybe, just maybe he would miss him. He turns the corner, headed for Kakashi's office. And fuck, he's right there.
Good ole' Shikamaru Nara, in the flesh.
Naruto doesn't even know why he was avoiding his presence, the shadow user looked like he didn't even care if he was missing, which made Naruto question if he actually took his job seriously.
Cool and conducted defines his entire character. With his signature spiky ponytail and the silver studs that perforated his ears, he was an enigma that didn't want to be solved... or understood for that matter.
Naruto wishes he was as carefree as this guy. Only sometimes though. Why? Because in his field of fucks, there simply wasn't a fuck to give. He didn't care if he poisoned his lungs with smoke. He was the type of guy to spend his free days watching the clouds, contemplating life as if it were a game of Shogi.
He was leaning against the wall right beside the office doors, a bored look casting his features. Having sensed the Uzumaki's presence, he looks up. Beady black eyes piercing Naruto's electric blue ones.
"You're late." the words roll off of his tongue as if he rehearsed it about a million times. He even sounds bored. Probably tired of his shit. He imagines he would be too if he had a knuckle headed companion that was late all the time.
Naruto rolls his eyes, both hands resting on his neck. "Obviously."
Shikamaru only holds his stare. "Why are you late."
The annoyance was evident in his tone. It was more of a demand than a question, which has Naruto narrowing his eyes. He's usually not this stuck up when it comes to his tardiness...only when it's important. So when Shikamaru gets like this, Naruto knows that something important is probably happening. "What's going on?"
"You're supposed to be in that meeting right now, right beside the Hokage. It's essential for you to take notes, and be familiar with the atmosphere for future settings."
"Shouldn't it be held in the conference room?"
Pinching his nose in annoyance, he only ignores his question, probably wishing he was burning out a cig, "You can't be late for these kinds of things, Naruto. Especially in the future."
"I know , I know. I uh... ran into an altercation."
The Nara quirks an eyebrow. "You ran into or got into?"
"It doesn't matter," Naruto sighs, turning his head toward the closed doors. He averts his gaze to the wooden engravings on each door, "Is Kakashi-sensei gonna kill me for not being there?"
" Hokage-sama , Naruto, and I highly doubt it, knowing him. You can always be there for the next one. But for now, wait until the meeting is over. He has something to discuss with you afterwards."
"So I am in trouble?"
"Who knows. It's not my business so I don't really care."
Tch .
"Wait...why aren't you in there?!"
The shadow user only shrugs, "I don't need to be."
And with that, Naruto didn't press any further. He would've if he had the energy. He would've if he actually cared. But his thoughts were suddenly drawled back to her and it made his insides feel hollow. Almost as if guilt itself was personally mashing his insides to mush until there was nothing left.
He needs to get his mind off of her.
"How long do I have to wait?"
"They should be finishing up as of right now."
Sure enough, two members of the council exited the room, leaving the door open for Naruto to peek his head inside.
"You can come in now, Naruto."
Naruto looks at Shikamaru, waiting for him to enter, only to be met with his back. He's walking away from him. He doesn't even have a support system to confront Kakashi!
He slowly enters the room.
"Kakashi-sensei! Heyyy...um, sorry for missing it but uh...how'd it go?!"
His sensei looks him dead in the eye. "You missed out an important meeting that could've been beneficial to your training. Mind telling me what the hold up was on why you weren't here?"
"As in matter of fact, I do mind. So I'm not gonna tell you. Personal matters, y'know." Naruto shrugs.
The Sixth sighs, probably in defeat, and stands up from his seat to stretch. "Well, to recap the discussion, there are new policies being put into place for border protections. Heightened security to be specific."
Naruto frowns. "What's up with all the extra security?"
"Recently in the past couple of months, Konoha's immigration status has gone up. Recently we had a couple of scrolls go missing, as crazy as it sounds."
The Uzumaki's eyes slightly widen in shock. They haven't had a scroll missing since...well, since the last time a scroll was taken (the one he stole when he was 12).
"...have they been found?"
"No they have not. Hence the doubled security. The ANBU are currently on it, so we should catch the culprit in no time."
"Why even steal them in the first place?"
"You would know."
"Hey now, I am now changed-" Naruto abruptly stops, having sensed four familiar chakras right outside the door. Both him and Kakashi turn their head to the noisy entrance.
Busting through the door enters Kiba, with Akamaru trotting beside him. He can hear Shino's voice following him, his low voice clearly stating his disapproval, "Kiba, you shouldn't have entered so disruptively."
"Ah it's fine , Shino! I mean look!" Kiba gestures his hands towards Naruto and Kakashi," it's only Kakashi and that knucklehead." Akamaru barks his agreement.
"Regardless of who it is in, you're in the presence of the Hokage-"
" Anyway …" the Inuzuka rolls his eyes, effectively cutting off his teammate, "We're back! As you can see. Another successful mission completed by yours truly."
He'd probably bite back at Kiba's words if he wasn't so captivated by her .
"Kiba-kun...maybe you should take Shino-kun's words into consideration."
Her voice was smooth velvet in her ears.
When she entered, she stood by Shino at the opposite end of the room.
She still feels so far but nonetheless, she was here. In the same room that he's in. And she didn't acknowledge him.
" Relax Hinata, I'm sure Kakashi-sensei doesn't even mind."
" Hokage-sama , Kiba."
"Actually, Kakashi is fine." Kakashi says mechanically.
Naruto then tuned out the conversation and directed his full attention on the Hyuga.
Thankfully, she came back from her mission unharmed. His eyes shamelessly trail her body, noting the minor bruises on her limbs and the scruff marks that decorated her uniform.
How can someone look so good when coming back from a mission?
"Naruto, stop ogling Hinata and pay attention!" Kiba snaps.
Naruto snapped his gaze towards Kiba, only to be met with two other eyes on him. Kakashi and Shino seemed to be awaiting some type of answer from him. Hinata kept her gaze on the desk before her.
Fuck...did they say something?
Were they just watching him stare at Hinata?
Well this is embarrassing. "Um...sorry I didn't catch that."
"We're debriefing. Get the hell out."
He looks to Kakashi for confirmation.
"We'll finish our conversation later, Naruto."
"Right. See you guys later!"
"Yeah, see ya."
"Goodbye, Naruto."
Hinata doesn't say anything to him. His gut tightens at her silence.
In good ole' Naruto fashion, he would've apologized already. She wouldn't be avoiding him like she was now, and they would've been together by now, studying away or eating ramen at old man Teuchi's.
But he still hasn't apologized, and now he's feeling a little restless.
Whenever he puts himself into these weird predicaments, he always confronts the situation head on. Without any doubts, he knew he could always fix it. Giving up was never an option.
He's in the wrong here, he knows that.
He should have apologized already, he knows that too.
Whatever the hell was going on between them right now should've already been fixed. But it's not.
And now, he's in deep shit. Maybe not that deep, because he knows that he can probably still fix this. He can make up for it and apologize, and can only pray to the Gods that she doesn't tell anyone. That right there even sounds bad, but he doesn't want to be beaten to a pulp by their friends.
He knows he should apologize.
He has to.
But why does this feel so different? Why is he so scared of confronting her?
It's only Hinata . It's not like she's going to hit him or anything…
Hm.
Maybe because she's never been mad at him before? Yeah, that's probably the reason. And then the thought really hit him; she's never been mad at him before! This is the first time ever that she's shown feelings of anger towards him. He didn't even think that she was capable of the feeling because of how nice she is.
But she's nice to everyone...what if he was the only person to ever make her angry? To make her feel uncomfortable? Because shit . He feels horrible, like an absolute dick. And now he really doesn't want to confront her.
Her .
She's been on his mind twenty four-seven now. It's a little frightening if he's being honest.
Was she always scary like this?
Her presence isn't even here, and yet he feels like she's everywhere. It's almost as if she unleashed her chakra into the Earth.
Everything is starting to remind him of her, to the pale moon in her eyes and the midnight sky in her hair. The empty seat next to him when he finishes his ramen is haunting. The pile of scrolls and books on his table were a constant reminder that she isn't there to tidy it up for him. Hell, even the smell of fresh baked cinnamon rolls from local bakeries were starting to get to him.
It was aggravating. Nerve-wrenching. Scary .
Deep down, he probably knows the reasons for his actions. And he blames it all on his pervy side. He's not sure what to think of itt, because although he feels wrong about the situation, he just felt a sudden desire for her that wasn't there before. He knows she's an attractive woman, so maybe it was just him releasing his sexual frustrations on her. In which again , he feels totally in the wrong for.
But this was different...he felt a weird type of desire. A new type of desire that didn't sit right with him. He could be wrong, but he felt a little...possessive? He's not sure, but at that moment she was leaving him, and he didn't want her to go. So he did what he'd thought was right and wrapped his arms around her body, around her waist, pulling her close into him, engulfing in her familiar warmth and that wonderful smell-
Yeah, he's probably wrong. He was drunk anyway. He couldn't remember the exact details. To feel this desire...to feel this way for a friend that was precious to him felt weird and downright disrespectful. He never wants to use her for those reasons, he would never forgive himself for breaking her in that way.
"Earth to Naruto!"
He snaps his head towards Tsunade.
She glares at him through suspicious amber eyes, "Are you well? You've been staring off into space for the past five minutes."
"Were you just watching me stare off or somethin'?"
"Obviously not! Am I not allowed to be concerned for your wellbeing anymore?"
Naruto only huffs and looks back to staring at his sandals.
At the hospital, he sits on the fowler waiting for further instructions. He's there for his monthly checkup on his arm. It would've been an annual visit if he'd checked in monthly like he was supposed to. But unfortunately things don't always go as planned, and now he's here.
Naruto observes Tsunade writing something down on her notepad. "Everything looks good. The arm is not giving you trouble when fighting, correct? No odd sensations, or anything similar to that matter?"
"Nope! It's all good granny!" He flexes his arm while flashing a grin. "See? Works like a charm. So can I go now right?"
Tsunade rolls her eyes in annoyance at the nickname, "why are you so difficult."
" Look granny, are you tryna keep me here all day?"
"You act like you have shit to do on a Saturday morning besides training! You'll be fine!" Tsunade rolls her eyes for the umpteenth time this evening. "How's everything holding up with you?"
He wants to tell her. He really does. His mind is going crazy because of her and he doesn't know what to do. He wants at least someone to know the amount of guilt that's compiled in his gut and how everything is his fault.
"I'm fine y'know?"
"Why do you keep skipping out on your appointments? What made you come in today out of all the months we've been telling you to come?"
Naruto buries his hands in his pockets, letting out a breath, "I dunno, okay? Why are you interrogating me?"
"Again, you're in no rush. I expect monthly visits from this point on."
"You gotta be kidding me."
Tsundae looked at him with knowing eyes, and he has an idea of what she's thinking about. He really, really, really needs to get out of here.
"You seem a little spacey. more so than usual. What's going on-"
" Naruto !"
Uh oh.
Storming in the room, fierce emerald eyes bore into his cerulean ones. She stands there with her arms crossed wearing her white lab coat and her vibrant pink hair is pulled back into a messy bun, accentuating her doctor look. Her foot aggressively taps at the ground.
He's not even sure if he should thank her from the impending doom of Tsundae's next conversation, becuase now he has to deal with an angry Sakura.
Automatically he cowers in her presence, trying to figure out the cause of her anger.
He didn't really do anything to piss her off lately- unless…
Did Hinata tell her?
Fuck, please no. Not right in front of Granny!
"So you come in when Tsundae-sensei calls you in, but when I call you in, all of a sudden you're missing?"
Phew.
When he actually manages to have a good night's sleep, his dreams are usually filled with his friends.
He dreams of cherry blossoms and rogue katana blades and a painter's kit. Dog lovers and insect users. Spiral cheeks and the smell of burning cigarettes.
Tired pale-like lavender eyes.
He jolts awake. Looking to his nightstand, the blurs of red slowly become visible.
3:24 am.
So the clock read.
He turns and lays on his back, staring at the tiny cracks in his ceiling. He knows he's not going back to sleep anytime soon.
So he decided to take a walk outside. It's pretty late out, and he suspects that no one's awake at this hour except him. In the midst of the night, the normally bustling Konoha lays quietly at rest. It's incredibly dark out, and the whistling of the wind and cricket chirps fill the silent air.
He feels at peace somehow. Different from his usual rambunctious self. And it's weird really. He feels peaceful in the loneliness of the night, but somehow for unknown reasons, he doesn't feel alone.
Without a thought, he enters sage mode. To feel his senses mix in with nature during the night is calming. The signatures of usual booming chakras of all citizens are at ease from a good night's sleep, and a small smile forms at his lips.
He almost dispels his senjutsu chakra until his senses touch on a chakra signature that's warm and comforting, distant yet familiar. It belongs to her . And for some reason she's awake, and she's outside.
He's outside. And apparently, so was she. He's a little confused as to why she's outside at this hour, but decides not to question it.
He pauses for a moment, debating whether or not to go to her. It's late, really late and he doesn't want to bother her. But he's curious to know why she's awake at this hour.
He braces himself and follows it until he's on top of the Hokage rocks. Why the hell is she here?
Out of all places…
He approaches her figure as he observes her laying on the ground. She's looking at the stars, her face blank with emotion. He idly stands there, too awkward to say or do anything else.
She looked at peace under the stars, and he felt even worse for coming here. For being an intrusion to her peace.
It's pretty cold tonight. He wonders how long she's been out here.
It stayed like this for a few moments, with him looking back and forth between her and the sky. Silence conquered the atmosphere and unresolved tension lingered in the air around them. Rising heat dominates the surface of his skin. He felt hot on this cold night.
"There's so many tonight."
She was the first one to speak, to break the silence between them. And yet, it sounded like she wasn't talking to him. She was speaking to no one in particular, probably speaking to the night sky. Because he knows she wouldn't dare speak a word to him. Not with everything that happened between them.
He's not even sure if she knows that it's him standing behind her, so he doesn't say anything.
"The stars, I mean," she clarified without looking at him, and he has a feeling why. He looks at her eyes and notices that she looks mentally out of it. Like she wasn't here in the real world. Perhaps her mind is elsewhere, and his presence is nothing but an illusion to her.
He looks up to the sky to fend off negative thoughts, and she's right- there are more stars than usual. Each of them twinkling and shining bright, kind of like diamonds in the sky.
He opens his mouth to say something, only to close it right back.
He doesn't know what to say to her. He doesn't know how to start, or where to begin. For the first time in his life, he's left speechless.
So he crouches down next to her, legs crossed, and stares into the vast night sky.
They stay like this for a little while, with her lying on her back and him sitting right next to her, neither of them making a sound. He looks at her from his periphery every now and then in an attempt to catch the slightest movement in her form. But all he can see is the rising and lowering movements of her chest and deep inside he can feel himself panicking.
He thinks back to a previous conversation they had when they were studying in his apartment once. She mentioned something about stargazing and how happy it made her feel.
Once upon a time, he never sought out special things about them. They're only stars. Big balls of gas, millions of light years away. Better yet, as he liked to think of it- infinite fireflies glued to the sky. But as she talked about them more in depth, she made it sound magical, as if the stars spoke of love and mystery into her ears. Because she told him once that the stars were considered a haven in her eyes. A graveyard full of loved ones, only this time in the sky above instead of the ground below.
He remembers his thoughts when she told him this. The depressing nature of it all.
Were these the stars she talked about seeing? The stars her heart has been desperately searching for?
Was he taking the stars and their beauty for granted?
Which leads him to the burning question- which is better...the clouds or the stars?
It made him think about the world around him. Was he missing out on something important...something magical? Could Sasuke be-
No.
This isn't something to be thinking about. At least not right now.
He looks at her fully this time, analyzing the way her skin bathed in the blue glow of the moonlight.
This is it. This is the moment that he's- no, they have been waiting for. It would be stupid not to say anything. Pointless if anything.
And so, with all the courage in the world, he exhales all the previous tension that invaded his body.
"I'm sorry."
He mentally curses himself. No build up or anything of the sort? Straight to the point...just like that?
She continues to look at the sky before her.
Not even a glance, huh.
"...for what happened that night. I shouldn't have... touched you the way I did. I know I was drunk...and not in the right state of mind, but that doesn't excuse my actions at all y'know. It was really wrong for me to..touch you in that way, and...I'm really sorry, Hinata."
He looks at her with expectant eyes, but she doesn't react in the slightest. So he continues.
"...I understand if you don't want to be friends anymore. You don't have to forgive me. I'm a stupid person and, what I did...it was totally unacceptable, and you...you have every right to be upset with me y'know. Again Hinata, I'm really, really sorry."
A few seconds that felt like an eternity went by.
"It's okay, Naruto-kun," her soft voice slices into the silence of the air.
That's it...that's all she had to say? After a week of avoiding and not talking to him... this was all she had to say?
His eyes narrow in on her, his brows furrowing together in slight confusion. "Hinata…" his voice trails off, unable to think of the meaning behind her words.
"You weren't in the right state of mind. I forgive you."
?
There's gotta be a catch to this. There has to be. Because there is no way that she just...
It only then occurs to him that she didn't tell anyone about this.
He stares at the side of her face intently. Hair as deep as the midnight sky sprawls all over her shoulders and on the ground beneath her. She's still not looking at him as her gaze remains steady on the sky above her.
Her voice. It wasn't exactly flat but he couldn't distinguish the emotion coming from it. It was almost like she didn't care. As if she didn't care if she avoided him for days on end. Like she could care less to see him. What's the point of avoiding him in the first place if she's willing to forgive him so easily?
He doesn't say anything else. All he could think about is her lack of emotion, and the rise of uneasiness he felt from her forgiveness. Confusion tampered with his thoughts as frustration began forming in his gut.
Something...changed.
Something has definitely changed. Almost as if she changed? But in so little time?
There was definitely a shift in their relationship, that he knows for sure. He could only hope that things would remain the same after this. That hopefully they could go back to normal, and forget this ever happened.
But if she truly forgave him... she would be looking at him...right?
"Hinata...I don't believe you."
She cocks her head to the side at this.
He clears his throat, "If you really forgave me, then why are you avoiding me?"
"I'm not."
It was a short, straight forward answer,.
Is she...lying?
It wouldn't make sense to call her a liar, because Hinata Hyuga wasn't a liar.
"I was...busy, Naruto-kun. I just needed some time to myself. That's all."
That sullen look in her eye lured in melancholy itself. It trapped his sulking blue ones.
He would do anything to annihilate the sadness that's exuding from her being.
But she told him she was fine.
So he should leave it at that. He shouldn't say anything else, and end the conversation here. He should just leave. Everything's okay between them. She said so herself.
They're still friends.
Everything's okay.
He should just end it here. Because everything's okay.
But it doesn't feel okay.
She doesn't look okay.
Because in reality,
Nothing is fucking okay.
"Are you being honest with me?"
The words linger in the air for a little while, the wind harmonizes a brisk symphony as he awaited her answer.
He notices a brief slight widening of her eyes before they revert back to their mundane state.
"Of course."