(Or "..something's fishy!")
"WELL THE LAST TIME YOU REMEMBER, ROCKY AND BULLWINKLE HAD JUST GOTTEN TO FLORIDA, BUT HOT ON THE TRAIL WERE THOSE NEFARIOUS NOGOODNIKS BORIS AND NATASHA. QUICKLY THINKING, ROCKY DECIDED HE AND BULLWINKLE WOULD HIDE FROM BORIS AND NATASHA AT A LARGE GATHERING ON HORSESHOE BEACH, FLORIDA, KNOWN AS "SEAFEST"!"
"What the heck is Seafest?" Rocky asked.
"AH SEAFEST, FLORIDA'S LARGEST OCEAN-THEMED BEACH PARTY/CONCERT/AND LOBSTER-OYSTER-CLAM-BAKE-FISH COOKOUT! THERE'S NO FEE, BUT SEA-RELATED COSTUMES ARE REQUIRED IN ORDER TO GET INSIDE, AND PEOPLE COME IN BY THE DROVES TO ATTEND SUCH A SUPER COOL PARTY! EVERY YEAR FOR ONE WEEKEND IN THE SUMMER THEY COME—DRESSED AS MERMAIDS, MERMEN, FISH, EVEN A CLAM GUY—HE'S GOING IN RIGHT NOW!"
"Um...can you even see in that thing?" The male ticket-taker asked.
"THE CLAM GUY (a man wearing an enormous fake clam head and a tuxedo) ONLY PROCEEDED TO MUMBLE A VAGUE SENTENCE FROM WITHIN HIS CLAM MASK, AND THE TICKET MAN BEGRUDGINGLY LET HIM INSIDE."
"—Oh, so that's what Seafest is, thanks for clearing things up." Bullwinkle replied.
"MY PLEASURE. SAY DON'T YOU GUYS NEED COSTUMES TO GET IN?"
"Oh, way ahead of you..." Rocky opened his skin flaps and placed his goggles over his head, adjusting his tail to look pointed. "I'm a stingray!"
"And I'm an octopus!" Bullwinkle replied, he was only wearing a purple octopus hat with little googly eyes and nothing else.
"WELL, ALRIGHT THEN. MEANWHILE, BORIS AND NATASHA WERE LOOKING TO CAUSE SOME AQUATIC MAYHEM, SO THEY PREPARED TO ENTER AS WELL—"
"Ready to go eenside, dollink?" Natasha asked, zipping up her mermaid's tail costume, adjusting her seashell bra.
"Vhy I gotta be da SHRIMP?! I vould've made WERY sexy merman!" Boris asked, his shrimp costume's eyes wobbling as he started hopping closer to Natasha.
"Ees vas only fishy costume een your size." Natasha replied. "But I sink ees SO CUUUTE!! I vant to eat chu right up!"
"Hoo boy..." Boris groaned. "Les' jus' go een..."
"Soon, zey gonna be part of our vorld..." Natasha chuckled evilly. "Of PAIN!!"
"ONCE BORIS AND NATASHA WENT INSIDE, THEY BECAME A TAD OVERWHELMED BY ALL THE BRIGHT LIGHTS AND PARTYING PEOPLE, BUT THEY KNEW THEIR OBJECTIVE WAS CLEAR..."
"Look, dollink, there's moose and squirrel!" Natasha exclaimed, pointing at Bullwinkle and Rocky, who were chowing down over at the seafood buffet area.
"Perfect!" Boris yanked out a huge chainsaw from within his little shrimp suit. "Les go!"
"Vere'd ju get chainsaw?" Natasha asked. "All I have ees elephant gun."
"Shrimp suit ees surprisinkly spacious." Boris replied.
"AND SO THE TWO SPIES SNUCK AROUND ALL THE CROWDS OF PEOPLE, GETTING CLOSER AND CLOSER TO ROCKY AND BULLWINKLE, BOTH OF THEM COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS."
"—don't you think you've had enough lobster?" Rocky asked Bullwinkle, looking up from his small plate of two catfish filets and a side salad with a Diet Coke.
"Non—(*BWAAAAAAAUUUURRRRRP*)-sense, Rocky!" Bullwinkle replied, giving an impossibly loud belch. He'd polished off at least thirty-nine massive plates of lobsters, yet he didn't appear full in the slightest. "Ooh, pardon me. I'm gonna (*BUUUHHHRP!*) start on plate number 40! Rock, could ya be a doll an' pass me th' butter?"
"Gee, I just don't know where you're putting it all.." Rocky replied, handing a small container of melted butter to Bullwinkle.
"All of whut, Rock?" Bullwinkle asked, mouth filled with buttery lobster meat.
"All that lobster."
"Well, in the fridge, if I were you. That's where I usually put food."
"No, I mean inside of you, it's an expression. You don't seem to look full."
"Oh. Well I like to think of others, too!"
"No, I meant full of lobster, not yourself!"
"Well, I'm not one to be shellfish!" Bullwinkle replied, winking at the camera.
(*BA-DUM-tssss!!*)
"Oh, brother..." Rocky groaned at that awful pun.
"WELL, ANYWAY, BORIS AND NATASHA WERE JUST ABOUT TO KILL ROCKY AND BULLWINKLE WHEN THEY WERE SUDDENLY GRABBED BY A CROWD OF PEOPLE AND DRAGGED ONTO THE STAGE."
"Vat ees meanink of dees?!!" Boris exclaimed, though he was angered, he looked absolutely darling in that little shrimp costume.
"JUST THEN, THE SPOTLIGHT CAME ON, REVEALING BORIS AND NATASHA TO A CROWD OF THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF FLORIDIANS. A TALL, BLONDE MAN STOOD IN FRONT OF THE DJAY TABLE, WEARING A NEON GREEN TANK TOP WITH NEON YELLOW SHORTS, AS WELL AS SUNGLASSES AND A BACKWARDS CAP. THIS WAS THE MC FOR THE EVENT."
"HE-HE-HEYYYY!!" The MC picked up a microphone and shouted to the crowds. "WELCOME, LADIES, GENTLEMEN, KIDS, ELDERY, TEENS, heck, welcome all you JUVENILE DELINQUENTS, to the 62nd annual HORSESHOE BEACH SEA-FEEEEEEEEEEEST!!!!"
(*cue electric guitar*)
"INSTANTLY, FIREWORKS WENT OFF, THE WHOLE STAGE LIT UP AND THE CROWD ROARED WITH EXCITEMENT..."
"Yay."
"WELL, NOW THAT Y'ALL'RE HERE, The name is Reef, and I'll be spinnin' the tunes for y'all this evening." Reef started walking along the stage, the cameraman followed him. "OH, we've got so many exciting events set up, INCLUDING, a special appearance by the greatest metal band of all time...ETERNAL SCHADENFREUDE!! But right now, let's get started with Horseshoe Beach's most proud Seafest tradition...THE COUPLE'S TALENT SHOW!!"
"THE CROWD CHEERED ONCE MORE."
"Yay."
"Our FIRST competitors aaaare..." Reef scanned the crowd, until he happened to look at Boris and Natasha. "These...freaky, PASTY-LOOKIN' GUYYYS!! GIVE IT UHP!"
"Yay." The crowd replied.
"Boris, I not gonna sing een front of all dees peopl—" Natasha gulped.
"C'mon, honeybun just DO EET AND ZEN VE KEEL MOOSE AND SQVIRREL!" Boris pushed her out onto the stage. "Ju don't mean to say dat da great Natasha Fatale has...stage fright?"
"NATASHA'S EYEBROWS FURROWED AT WHAT BORIS SAID. SHE GRIPPED THE MIC."
"—SOMEBODEH THROW ME SQVEALY GEETAR!!" Natasha exclaimed, slicking her black hair into a bit of a mohawk. Once she grabbed it, she began playing a brief instrumental metal version of "Heil Pottsylvania", which then turned into a totally WICKED guitar solo.
"Oh, vat a VOOMAHN!" Boris sighed.
(*punk rock instrumental*)
"I have got bomb,
Ees so eh'splosive and beeg!
Vatch me light fuse up,
Dat ees my gig!" Natasha sang into the mic, still playing her "sqvealy geetar".
"Ve gonna keel de moose,
Ve gonna rule whole vorld!
Ve gonna bring hammer and sickle,
On head of fly-ink sqvirrel!"
The crowds banged their heads alongside Natasha. Rocky and Bullwinkle didn't really look all that amused.
"Haven't we seen these guys before?" Rocky asked.
"WHUUUUT?!" Bullwinkle hollered.
"I SAID, HAVEN'T WE SEEN THESE GUYS BEFOOOOOORE?!!" Rocky yelled back.
"Oh, I think so." Bullwinkle replied.
"—EES CALLED KABOOMSKY!!
(Boris: "VAT'S DAT?")
KABOOMSKY!!
(Boris: "Oh Yeah!")
EES GOINK TO BE YOUR DOOM-SKY!
KABOOMSKY!
("VAT'S DAT?")
KABOOMSKY!
("YEAH BABY!")
EES GONNA SHAKE, WHOLE ROOM-SKY!"
Natasha continued to play her guitar, only this time, FLAMES shot out from the top and nearly torched Rocky and Bullwinkle. They continued to inch closer to the moose, then Natasha gave a loud metal scream;
"YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!"
At that moment, Rocky's flight goggles cracked a little bit, then he noticed Bullwinkle and pulled him away.
"YOU'VE GOTTA BE CAREFUL!" Rocky replied.
"WHUUUT?!" Bullwinkle hollered yet again.
"OH FOR PETE'S SAKE!!" Rocky groaned.
"Ees been so long,
Each night I have prayed,
To end sqvirrel and moose friend,
Put their head on plate!
Grind up bodies,
To café au lait,
But now time has arrived,
At lest I CAN-NOT VAAAAIIIIIT!!"
Natasha continued singing and proceeded to play her guitar while lying down on the stage and thrusting about wildly as the smoke machines started to come on.
Boris caused a piano to very nearly fall on Rocky...but he ended up miscalculating, and it fell on him instead.
(*piano keys slamming*)
"Owsky..." Boris groaned, then quickly got back up.
"EES CALLED KABOOMSKY!!
(Boris: "VAT'S DAT?")
KABOOMSKY!!
(Boris: "Oh Yeah!")
EES GOINK TO BE YOUR DOOM-SKY!
KABOOMSKY!
("VAT'S DAT?")
KABOOMSKY!
("YEAH BABY!")
EES GONNA SHAKE, WHOLE ROOM-SKY!"
"SING EET EEN POTTSYLVANIAN!!" Boris hollered to Natasha, banging his head to the music.
(*drums pick up, music goes a bit faster, the stage lights become blood-red*)
"*RAAASKOLNIKOV, MOLOTOV,
UZBEKISTAN, BABUSH-KA!
PEL-ME-NI, PI-RO-GI,
KAZAKHSTAN, DA-CHA!"* Natasha screamed in said language, as a small English translation subtitle appeared at the bottom. On the second verse Boris joined her.
"*SAMOVAR, KOMMISAR,
BRATVAR, SUKA-SUKA,
RO-SSIA, BAL-AL-AIKA,
CHEKA, RUBLE, BRAT-VA!"*
(*English Translation: "Russian-sounding gibberish"*)
"DUUUDE!" A random (possibly drunk) guy exclaimed to Bullwinkle. "I dunno what the HECK that white lady's sayin' but it sounds AWESOME!!"
(Music slows down a little.)
"—EET EES CAAAAAALLLED..."
Natasha slid down the stage, playing her guitar backwards like Jimi Hendrix.
"EET EES CA-A-ALLLED..."
Boris was now playing the drums. He banged them a few times with his drumsticks, then slammed his face down on the cymbals.
"KA-BOOM-SKYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!" Natasha walked out in front of the crowd and lifted her guitar high in the air. "OH YEEEEEAAAAAAH!!" She slammed it down onto the stage, Boris slammed a massive gong behind her as fireworks illuminated the entire stage. In addition, the crowd roared with absolute applause.
(*beat.*)
"Yay."
"Woo."
"Alright."
"WELL, THEY MAY NOT HAVE KILLED ROCKY AND BULLWINKLE, BUT BOY WAS THAT A ROCKIN' CONCERT OR WHAT?!! ANYWAY, ROCKY AND BULLWINKLE PROCEEDED TO RUN OUT OF SEAFEST AND HITCH A RIDE TO ORLANDO ON THE BACK OF A PICKUP. BE SURE TO STAY TUNED FOR "A Universal-y great time!" OR "Dudley Doom-ride!"!"