Turn 07 - What Am I to You?

Kallen had snuck away from the others, making her way up to one of the buildings in the ghetto. She stopped, looking through the large hole in the wall and down at the train tracks below.

"I thought I'd find you here."

Kallen turned around. "Lelouch? I thought you were with Suzaku and…"

"They seemed fine on their own." He said. "More importantly, what are you doing here?"

She looked down at the tracks again. "It was right here." She said, confusing him slightly. "Where Zero was born. This was where you were when you saved my life."

He nodded. "I see." He said, stepping up next to her. "Was it the same in the first timeline you came from?"

She nodded. "Yeah. Actually, it was really similar. The only thing that was really that different was that I didn't know you yet."

"Sounds lonely." He said, calmly.

She stared at him for a moment before looking back down and nodding. "It was. I imagine more so for you."

"I don't doubt it."

She looked back at him once again, with his words from earlier still echoing in her mind.

"I don't have the luxury of spending my time on matters that don't advance us toward our objective."

"Lelouch… why did you cut Milly off?"

"Huh?" He said, looking at her. "What do you mean?"

"She liked you. And from what it sounded like when you were telling that story, and the look in your eyes… you had a thing for her too." Kallen said. "So why didn't you ever let her try."

He turned his gaze downward. "I didn't want to put her through any unnecessary trouble." He said. "I try to maintain distance between myself and those I'm close to. I'd always planned on destroying Britannia eventually. Obtaining my geass only sped up the process."

"You didn't answer the question."

"Didn't I?" He asked. "If I allow Milly to get close to me, then she'll likely want to try and help me somehow. If she were to get hurt or worse…" A hint of sadness leaked into his expression, though it was almost unnoticeable. "Milly knows me well enough to know she would never be able to convince me to stop. I don't want to cause her more trouble than I already do. And if my own happiness is the price for allowing her and anyone else I consider close to remain out of harm's way, then so be it. Besides, it allows me to keep myself focused on Britannia."

Kallen sighed. "You know, it isn't your job to protect everyone." She said, remembering all of the times he'd pushed her away in the previous timeline. "That's just like you. Always taking on the burdens of others, even lying to them in order to keep them safe. Even if they think the worst of you, you'll still do it because you think it's for the best."

"That's because-"

"Let me finish." Kallen interrupted. "Lelouch, do you know what your last lie to me was in the previous timeline?" She said, getting no response. "You told me I was just another pawn in your game. Like a well-played knight, I believe were your words. You told me that so I would leave and I wouldn't put myself in danger by sticking with you."

"It worked, didn't it?"

"It did… but that wasn't your decision to make." She said as she felt her sadness and anger begin to leak into her voice. "Lelouch, what you did destroyed me. I spent weeks if not months trying to push my feelings away. I would have followed you through hell and back. I'd have given my beating heart if it meant I could help you. You told me that lie so I could live on. So I wouldn't follow you. But that wasn't your decision to make for me."

His eyes showed small traces of guilt. "Even so, if that version of me cared about you as much as I do… I won't apologize." He said, keeping his eyes averted from her. "Besides, my doing that resulted in what we have this time, right?"

Kallen looked at him, her anger and sadness softening as she felt her cheeks turn slightly red. "What are you…"

"Maybe you're right. I shouldn't have put you through all of that heartache. But the end result of those actions put you here." He said, finally bringing his eyes up to look at her. "I won't apologize for my other self. But I will do my best to make it up to you."

Kallen's eyes lost all traces of her negative emotions as she stared into his. "Le… Lelouch…" She slowly began moving toward him. "What am I doing?" She asked herself, unable to stop. It was as if she were under his geass, only she wasn't following any orders of his. No, if anything, she was moving in direct opposition to what he would have likely told her to do.

"Kallen? What are you…"

Kallen reached out her hands and placed her hands on either side of his face. "Wait, stop. You can't do this." She tried to tell herself. However, her body moved itself closer to him and slowly she placed her lips against his. "No. This… I shouldn't…" But she couldn't fight herself anymore. She let her eyes drift shut.

Lelouch's eyes had gone wide with surprise, but eventually he relented and his eyes slowly closed as well, slowly wrapping his arms around her and pulling her closer.

After a moment, their kiss broke. "I, uh… just wanted to thank you… I think..." Kallen said.

He had the faintest shade of pink on his cheeks as he gave her a small nod. "Sure."

"My, now this is certainly an interesting development."

Both Lelouch and Kallen shot their gaze toward their unwelcome guest. "C.C." Lelouch said, annoyed. "I thought I told you to stay in my room."

She nodded. "You did, but I got bored. Besides, you took your card with you and I was getting hungry." She said as she came closer to them. "So, the two of you seem to be getting along."

Kallen took a moment to register everything they'd just done, pushing herself away from him. His arms fell to his sides as he maintained his aggravated expression toward the immortal witch. "What we do in our private time is none of your business."

"Oh, so you two have had private time together before, then?" She mused.

Kallen finally found it in herself to be annoyed as well. "What are you doing here, C.C.?"

Lelouch looked at her, somewhat surprised. "Oh right. You probably knew each other before."

"Well, yes." C.C. said. "However, that is not why she knows me here. I am the one that granted her geass."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

C.C. shrugged. "Don't look at me. Kallen is the one with the geass. If she didn't tell you, that's not my fault."

"Well, to be fair…" Kallen said. "I thought you wouldn't show up for a little while longer."

C.C. smiled. "Regardless of that, I've come here to inform you of something."

"What's that?" Lelouch asked, calming down somewhat.

"I'll be attending Ashford Academy as a student for the foreseeable future."

Both Lelouch and Kallen reacted with confusion, though Lelouch was far more concerned. "You can't." Lelouch said. "C.C., the whole reason Clovis ordered the destruction of Shinjuku was because they were trying to find you. If anyone spots you at school, then-"

"Oh relax, Lelouch, I'm not an idiot." C.C. said, annoyed. "I simply believe that this is the best way for me to keep an eye on the both of you. After all, I have a contract with each of you."

"But that's-"

"Besides…" C.C. said. "It's your own fault, Lelouch. Originally, on this day, you didn't leave your dorm. Because of that, you were able to keep Milly from seeing me."

"What?" Lelouch asked. "So what you're telling me is that Milly found you and signed you up as a student?"

She nodded. "That is correct. At first I told her no, but she offered me something I couldn't say no to."

"Pizza?" Kallen deadpanned.

C.C. nodded. "Yes. As well as a room of my own, so I won't have to share with Lelouch."

Kallen's face flared up again. "Wait, so you used to share a room back then?"

She smirked. "Jealous?" She said, earning a slight glare. "Oh relax. I won't be sharing a room with him anymore, but as there is an opening I suppose you could take my place Kallen. Do you object?"

Kallen couldn't think of anything to say. No, that's not quite right, she had several responses for her, but couldn't pick one.

"Is that all you came here to say?" Lelouch asked.

C.C. nodded. "Yes. If I had a phone, I would have called you. But then I wouldn't have been able to catch you two in the act." She said, turning around to leave. "To think, what the two of you would have done had I not interrupted anything."

As the green-haired girl left, Kallen shifted her eyes toward Lelouch again as she felt her nervousness building. "So uh… does this mean…"

"No." He said, softly. "I'm sorry, but we can't be together, Kallen. If I let myself be with someone in that way…"

Kallen nodded. "I understand…" She said, staying silent for a while. "Lelouch… even if we can't be together… can you at least tell me… how you feel?" She asked, trying to hold in her tears.

"Kallen, I-"

"Just tell me." She said. "What am I to you?..." She felt something run down her cheek, as that was the last thing she had ever asked him before C.C. gave her geass.

Lelouch stepped closer to her and placed his hands on her shoulders. "Kallen…" He said, in an effort to get her to look up at him. Slowly she complied. "I don't know how I feel about you. I've spent so long trying to push my personal feelings down, it's hard to say. But… I definitely don't see you as just another part of a game." He said, firmly. "I wish I could tell you 'I love you,' and be done with it… but I'm not sure I'm ready to say that to anyone just yet. I'm not in a state where I can. But what I can tell you is that you're special to me." He placed a hand on her cheek, wiping away her tears. "You're my Q1, Kallen. My Queen. We just can't be together."

She didn't know how she should feel about what he said. Her feelings were a muddle of indecisive happiness and sadness as she processed what he'd said.

"Not yet, at least." He said, quietly.

"What?" She said as she watched him turn and begin to walk away. "Wait." She said, holding her hand out. "You can't just say something like that and walk away."

"Contact Ohgi." Lelouch said, completely changing the subject. "Tell him that I've obtained a new base of operations for the time being. I'll send him the details of it myself later."

Kallen growled. "Hey, don't change the subject!" She ran to catch up to him. "What's wrong with-" She then saw the look in his eyes. It was only for a split second before he put up his usual guard, but he almost looked like it hurt him to tell her what he had. "Lelouch, I… I'll let him know." She said. "And hey, I'm sorry… about kissing you before."

He nodded. "That's alright. I'm sorry I've stolen your first kiss twice now."

Kallen smiled. "I'm not… my King. Just make sure you let me know when you're ready. I'll be waiting."

He nodded. "Thank you."

She still felt some amount of sadness in her heart as the two of them left the building that had effectively been how they met, from her perspective, but she still couldn't keep herself from smiling. She now knew how he felt about her, and had he not been so set in his ways, she could be with him right now instead of having to wait. "So, you know C.C. is probably going to tell Milly about our kiss, right?"

Lelouch nodded. "Yes, I am well aware."

She sighed. "At least it'll have actually happened in this timeline now..."

The following day, two new students were introduced to the class.

"They will be attending classes here from now on. Please introduce yourselves."

"My name is Suzaku Kururugi. It's a pleasure to be here. I hope we all have a great time together." He said, bowing politely. However, no one seemed to really say or do anything.

"That sure was fast." Lelouch thought, considering it was only the previous day that Euphemia had even suggested he come to this school.

The girl beside him then introduced herself. "Hello. I am Cera Melchiott." It was C.C., however she was wearing a wig that had been colored white.

"That's her idea of a disguise?" Kallen thought. "It's not even in a different style."

Rather than the nothing reaction Suzaku received, many of the students began whispering about C.C. already.

"Wow, that girl's pretty cute huh?"

"Think I have a shot with her?"

"I love her eyes! I've never seen anything like it."

Suzaku looked slightly more dejected at the reaction Cera had gotten, but the teacher placed a hand on his shoulder and gave him an apologetic smile. "Why don't you go ahead and sit next to Kallen over there. And Cera, you can sit next to Lelouch."

Suzaku nodded. "Sure." He said, moving to sit next to her. "Hey, wait, I remember you."

She nodded. "I should hope so. We were talking just yesterday."

"They were together yesterday?"

"Does that mean that Kallen is dating an Eleven?"

"Man, she really took a big step down. Going from Lelouch to an Eleven like him?"

"Hey, watch what you say. He's the guy that tried to kill Prince Clovis."

Kallen sighed. "Don't let them get to you. They're just being ignorant is all."

He nodded. "Don't worry, I'm used to it." He said, hearing a few more comments. "Although, I'd be lying if I said it didn't sting a little."

Kallen nodded. "Yeah, well… hopefully we can change that." She then began to zone out as class began, as did Lelouch. C.C. began maneuvering her pencil around in her hand in various complicated patterns, as it was far more important than the history they were teaching. Especially considering they weren't even teaching the truth.

Kallen sighed. "Dammit, I just don't get it. That vision yesterday had to be of Princess Euphemia. Unless… does geass sometimes mess up like that?" She asked, glancing at Lelouch. "After all, his geass became permanently active after a while, so maybe that's what's happening with mine." She held her head. "No, that doesn't make sense. But then what would make a girl like her suddenly decide to kill a stadium of thousands of people? Was there an incentive? Bribery? Is it all just an act?" Suddenly, she saw something moving toward her from her peripheral vision.

Kallen was snapped out of her thoughts as she got another vision and stood up, grabbing the wrist of the person beside her. "Don't you dare!" She shouted. "I'm not going to just sit here and let you inject me with that!"

Suzaku blinked in confusion. "I was just gonna offer you some medicine." He said, awkwardly. "They're just some light painkillers. You looked like you had a headache."

"Huh? Oh, uh… I…" She said, releasing her grip on him.

He rubbed his wrist a bit. "Man, you have a really strong grip." He said, with a small smile.

She returned his confused look from before. "He doesn't even care about how I just reacted?"

"You seemed pretty deep in thought. I probably should've said something before just handing something to you like that."

She nodded. "Oh, no you're fine. I just…" She said, trying to think of a way out of this as everyone had their eyes on her. "Thanks."

He nodded. "No problem. We're friends after all, aren't we?"

She nodded. "Uh, yeah, sure."

"Who is this guy?" She thought. "How is someone so accepting of other people like Suzaku friends with a guy like Lelouch?"

"Well, if you want some, just let me know. I always carry a little on me, just in case."

"Well, that was certainly interesting." C.C. commented. "I wonder what she saw."

After classes ended for the day, everyone packed up and began to get ready for either club activities or going back home.

"I'm sorry." Kallen said. "Not only did I cause a scene on your first day, but now people are going to be even worse on you because of what I did."

Suzaku smiled. "It's fine. Honestly, I kind of expected I'd get the bad end of the stick if I came here. But I figured if you and Lelouch were here, then it would be alright." He then looked over her shoulder and saw Lelouch look over to him and tug on his collar before leaving.

Lelouch stood on the rooftop, waiting for Suzaku to arrive. "Meeting on the roof, just like old times." Suzaku said, nostalgically.

Lelouch turned around and smiled. "Seven years since we used this signal." He said, similarly.

The Japanese man smiled and walked up next to him. "So, why'd you call me here? Am I in trouble already, Mr. Vice President?"

He chuckled slightly. "As a matter of fact, you are. And so, your punishment shall be this…" He paused. "You will come over for dinner tonight with me and Nunnally. She doesn't know you're going to school here yet, so it'll be a nice surprise for her. She's been worried about you, so it would also help put her mind at ease."

Suzaku nodded. "Well when you put it like that, I'd be a jerk if I said no."

Lelouch nodded. "Anyway, what happened earlier between you and Kallen?"

"Oh, I was just offering her some medicine and I guess I caught her off guard." He said. "But what she said has been bothering me."

"Something about injecting her with something, right?" Lelouch asked.

He nodded. "Lelouch, have you heard about this new drug that's been going around recently?"

"Are you talking about refrain?"

"Yes." Suzaku said. "From what I've heard, it's a drug that's been going around that's been popular among Elevens. Do you know if she's been around any people that might be the type to use that kind of thing?"

He shook his head. "No. She is on good terms with some, but none of them are the type to do something like that."

He nodded. "I see, then I can only think of two reasons she would react the way she did." Lelouch looked at him, expectantly. "It's possible someone kidnapped her and was using her as a ransom or something along those lines. After all, the Stadtfeld family is nobility."

Lelouch nodded. "I see. And the other reason?"

"It's possible someone might have wanted to get information out of her." Suzaku said. "Apparently refrain has a powerful effect on people that causes them to hallucinate and relive past memories and desires. But some places in Britannia have used it as a sort of truth serum for interrogations."

"What?" Lelouch said.

Suzaku nodded. "I know, it disgusts me too." He said. "It doesn't matter what someone might have done. Trying to get answers out of someone in such an unethical way is unforgivable in my eyes. Especially with how the drug affects people after it's gone through their system."

Lelouch nodded. "Well, hopefully someone will come along and put a stop to the distribution of it on the streets. I've heard there are even police that are in on it."

"I don't doubt it." Suzaku said, sadly. "But that's why I have to work to make things better."

Lelouch saw the look of sadness and determination on Suzaku's face. It was probably very similar to the one he had worn several times. He reached a hand out and placed it on his shoulder. "You have my support. After all, if we work together, there's nothing we can't do. Right?"

Suzaku smiled. "Right. But uh… maybe you shouldn't join the military like I did. At least, if you're as bad at exercise as you were before."

"I said to stop bringing up ancient history, didn't I?"

The two of them shared a laugh and Suzaku's expression fell again. "Hey, Lelouch, I think it's best if we try to keep our distance from each other at school."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"Think, how would you explain it? Being friends with an Honorary Britanian? You have to guard your secret. No one can know your royalty." He said. "I don't want to cause trouble for you and Nunnally. I'll come over for dinner tonight, but after that…"

"That's a tall order, Suzaku." Lelouch said. "After all, it's going to be rather difficult to tell Milly that her newest council member is backing out."

"Huh?" Suzaku said. "Wait, you already told her?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Looks like you're stuck with me, Suzaku."

Suzaku smiled. "Thanks, Lelouch. But what about your secret?"

"If it happens, I'll deal with it. But no one seems to suspect a thing based on my eye color. I highly doubt anyone would figure it out because of you."

Suzaku nodded. "I guess that makes sense." He said as the two of them left to go and meet with Nunnally.

"So really though, no one questions the eyes?"

"You'd be surprised. Most Britannians refuse to acknowledge what's right in front of them."

"Oh, you're back."

"Kallen?" Lelouch asked.

She nodded. "Milly wanted to give you something, but she couldn't find you so she sent me here." She said. "She figured since we… you know… that I should give it to you."

He nodded. "Oh, I see."

Nunnally smiled. "Welcome home, Lelouch. How was school today?"

"It was… interesting. Actually, I brought you something, Nunnally." Lelouch said smiling.

"A present?" Nunnally asked. "For me?"

He motioned to Kallen to not say anything as he stepped into the room further.

Suzaku came in and quietly moved closer to her, looking back at Lelouch and receiving a nod. He reached slowly for her hand and gently grabbed it.

Nunnally gasped and placed her other hand on top of his. "This hand… thank heaven." She said, a mix of happiness and relief filling her voice. "I knew it. I just knew you'd be alright."

Suzaku smiled. "It's been a long time, Nunnally."

There we go, just the slightest amount of romantic tension has happened now. I've been trying to find a good way to work it in, since Lelouch is usually such a closed off character. I tried to show a bit more of his heart in this chapter, even though he was rejecting her, specifically because he didn't want to reject her. And having C.C. crash the interaction at the end there was needed once I wrote what happened.

So, funny story, when I first watched Code Geass, the first two episodes I ever saw were the episode where Shirley dies and the one where C.C. loses her memories (I caught the end of both of those episodes). Those were my first impressions of the show, but I didn't know what C.C. was called since I'd only just found the show so guess what I called her… Cera. So imagine my surprise when I looked up C.C. after I'd found out what Code Geass was and I discovered that was a name she had early in the creation of the series. I am in no way implying that it's her real name, since we don't know what her true name is, but I thought it'd be a fun reference to that. I intend for that to actually not be her real name. The name Melchiott I got from Valkyria Chronicles. I think C.C. or Cera being a student should make things interesting moving forward.

I plan on some bigger things happening soon, so if you guys have been waiting for some action to happen, it's coming. However, character relationships are the most important aspects of stories that I write and so these dialogue-based chapters I consider to be just as important. Especially since the dynamic of Kallen with everyone has been changed and the story needs to reflect that. I will say again too, if anyone has suggestions, please let me know what they are and I will consider writing them into the story. I'm excited to involve you guys as much as I can in this process and I want this to be the story I finish on this site if none of the others I have do (I want to update all of those too, but I don't want to post anything I'm not happy with).

Final thing to address, I really wanted to have Suzaku say something condemning his own actions that happened later on in R2. Plus that's not exactly something that Kallen can just forget and move on from, even if this version of Suzaku wouldn't do that to her and she knows that. One of the things I really want to do in this series though is redemption of the characters in the story. The way I see it, the original story for Code Geass is a story about a man who lost everything and the broken pieces he left behind in pursuit of a brighter future for all. This story I see more as a chance for those characters to redeem themselves from their mistakes and make a truly bright future for all, including themselves. The original ending of Code Geass I think is brilliant and a perfect ending for the story that was told, but this is not that same story and I won't be ending it the same way or even telling it the same way. However, there is a quote that I remember that perfectly summarizes the reason I started this story the way I did, with Lelouch's sacrifice being for nothing in the end, despite the end of the show seeing his plans work.

"There are so many stories where some brave hero decides to give their life to save the day, and because of their sacrifice, the good guys win, the survivors all cheer, and everybody lives happily ever after. But the hero... never gets to see that ending. They'll never know if their sacrifice actually made a difference. They'll never know if the day was really saved. In the end, they just have to have faith. Ain't that a bitch."

-Leonard Church/Epsilon - Red vs. Blue - Season 13 Finale