Re Zero The Sage and The Crow
All rights to the characters belong to the series creator Tappei Nagatsuki
Underlined Text: Represents English
Normal text: Represents Japanese
Chapter 9 A Moment to Breathe
Subaru made his way down the sunlit halls of the mansion. His destination was a particular room in which one of the people if not the one he cared for the most made their home. As he walked with an excited spring in his step, he felt a warmth rush to his chest area and throughout his body. Thinking about Emilia always made him this way; it was a giddy feeling that he enjoyed. Only one other person could ever make him feel this way. In a sick twist of fate however, that person was lost to a deep sleep with no sign of waking up.
As he approached the bedroom door, he thought about Rem and how she had pulled him from the recesses of despair, how she had urged him not to give up and essentially saved him from himself. That day he had incurred a debt that transcended lifetimes, he would never pay it off, no matter how much he did or how he pushed himself for her or others. It was a simple fact that he had to live with for as long as he lived. Or maybe lived wasn't the right way to think about it, more like existed.
He hated the way that as soon as he had let Rem out of sight he had lost her with no way of restarting, as if the world hadn't shit on him enough since he came here. Just thinking about how he could no longer, as of this moment, pay off his huge debt to her by giving her his everything… It frankly pissed him off. It also made him extremely depressed.
Subaru rolled up his sleeve and began scratching his arm as he walked in an attempt to preoccupy his thoughts from this tragedy he couldn't help but think about. The more he thought about it, the more anxious he felt, and the harder he scratched.
[Subaru: You failed.]
He scratched.
[Subaru: You left her behind because you were too weak.]
He scratched harder, gritting his teeth in annoyance as he did so. Stop it.
[Subaru: You could have saved her if you were better, if you had thought ahead and predicted this might happen, but you didn't.]
He scratched furiously at his arm, hoping the pain and itching sensations would purge these thoughts from his head. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop it.
[Subaru: You weren't enough. You were never enough. You could have-]
Tch!
A dull pain ran up his arm, he had scratched so hard that he had broken his own skin. It looked as if an animal had clawed him, leaving behind the scratches as a reminder. He held up his left arm and examined it under the the afternoon light, the blood gleaming freshly in the sun. Turning it back and forth he realized that Beatrice was going to be upset with him. She hated it when he hurted himself like this.
[Subaru: Ahh sorry Beako, I'm gonna hear a lot of worrying from you aren't I?]
Rolling up his sleeve and dropping his arm to his side, Subaru took in his surroundings again. Hiim scratching his arm had jolted him back to his senses, and he realized that he had been so frustrated and distracted with his scratching that he ended up passing the entrance to Emilia's room by some distance. Sighing, he turned around and timidly made his way up to the door before knocking.
[Emilia: Come in.]
Emilia's voice echoed from the other side of the doorway, angelic and soothing at the same time. Subaru opened the door and walked into a room that seemed blinding at first. When his eyes adjusted he saw a grand bedroom fit for a king. The room itself was massive, there was plenty of room for a small gathering to hang out and fraternize. One side was spacious with many tables and chairs serving the purpose as desks and lounging areas. The other was dominated by an absolutely monstrously sized bed. The thing was way beyond king size and the posts rose almost to the ceiling. Emilia herself was seated at one of the desks in the room. She had been reading over important documents pertaining to the Royal Selection. A refreshing sight, as it meant that Roswaal was taking his oath seriously. Before she never even knew these things existed, but now she was gaining experience making decisions and preparing to address a large crowd of the Western lords of Lugunica.
Emilia was turned in her chair so that she was facing Subaru, she put down the paper she was reading and got up.
[Emilia: Subaru?]
Emilia confusedly called out to Subaru as she wasn't expecting him back from the capital so soon.
[Subaru: Hi, Emilia-tan.]
[Emilia: Oh. Good morning Subaru.]
Subaru took a look at the sky out of the window. The sun was high overhead, dipping down yes, but still high in the sky. He smiled teasingly.
[Subaru: Uhh, you know it's the afternoon right?]
Emilia made a surprised face.
[Emilia: Eh? Really? I guess I didn't realize because I was in here all day.]
Subaru laughed. He crossed his arms and waggled one finger in an instructive yet teasing manner.
[Subaru: It's important to get outside and see the sun once in a while. You can't be like me and be a shut in, you'll ruin your flawless skin.]
[Emilia: Gosh, there you go teasing me again. I'll have you know that I've been working reeeally hard these past few days. Roswaal keeps on giving me more things to do, so the only time someone has stopped by is when Ram, Frederica, or Petra were giving me some tea or snacks.]
Emilia looked so proud of herself, wearing a triumphant look on her face with her hands on her hips. Subaru on the other hand was shocked that she hadn't been outside her room in so long.
[Subaru: What the hell? So you've been in here the whole time we've been gone? No, nuh uh. This arrangement is no longer beneficial to you, in fact it wasn't right in the first place! I have half a mind to go knock my two cents into Roswaal! Angels should be free! Not caged up!]
[Emilia: Sorry, I don't really know what you're talking about right now. But all of this stuff I've been reading has been reeeally helpful in planning where to take the camp next.]
Subaru smiled warmly, so she was finally taking matters into her own hands now? She was coming far as a leader, first with her able to break out of her funk in the Sanctuary, and now she was able to make decisions without relying on everyone else. He was honestly curious about what she had planned.
[Subaru: So, what ideas do you have about the camp?]
Emilia's eyes lit up with an innocent glee. Honestly, it was a little scary how much faith she put into her ideas, even if they crashed and burned. But it was also this aspect of her that Subaru found so endearing, an unbreakable ideal and belief that everything would turn out right in the end. She picked up a piece of parchment paper that was at the corner of the desk she had been sitting at and walked closer to Subaru, her slender legs carrying her gracefully in such a few short steps. Subaru blushed heavily as he caught himself staring at her. She tilted her head quizzically.
[Emilia: Is something wrong?]
[Subaru: No, no, nothing's wrong. I just thought that you were as beautiful as a summer breeze.]
[Emilia: Ehh? That sounds like something Julius would say.]
[Subaru: Oh please no. I think I might have seen him one too many times at the Capital is that's the case. You're gonna give me nightmares of him saying eloquent things to you now.]
Emilia laughed slightly, just thinking about the previously antagonistic relationship the Julius and Subaru had and how it had changed into something better reminded her that people could change for the better. Once she was within arms reach of Subaru, she gently pushed the paper she was holding into his hands.
Subaru took it and unfurled the yellowing parchment. He scanned the paper and saw some interesting ideas jotted down.
[Subaru: Ahh a ball? That sounds like a good idea. It sounds kind of expensive though, we'll have to let Otto see what the expenses that we an spare are.]
Subaru read the paper more thoroughly as he spoke, he saw something that made him furrow his brows.
[Subaru: Food provided by Mee. Who's Mee?]
[Emilia: Mee is me. I thought that I would show the people we invite how well I can serve the nation if I can cook them a delicious meal.]
Emilia said this with confidence, puffing out her chest as she did so. Subaru got a bad after taste in his mouth. Emilia was good at a lot of things, but cooking and singing weren't one of them. He remembered one time she had decided to cook in the past, the experience was so bad that he thought he might die. Just remembering it made him throw up a little in his mouth.
[Emilia: Subaru? Are you alright? You look a bit pale.]
Subaru turned his head to the side so she couldn't see his discomfort. He quickly swallowed the bile that crawled its way up his throat and looked back at her with a renewed smile like nothing happened.
[Subaru: Oh Emilia-tan! I would love to try your cooking, but there's no need to stress yourself doing all of the hard work!]
[Emilia: But if I can't even cook a meal for some people, then how can I rule the kingdom someday? I need to do this for my sake.]
[Subaru: You should also think about their sake. A good ruler knows what their people need, and you don't know that yet. So i suggest you leave the cooking to someone who understands their needs a bit better.]
[Emilia: Mmmmm, but I can go ask them once we send out the invitations.]
Subaru was going pale again. He grinned all the while half begging her to reconsider.
[Subaru: I really think that their stomachs can't handle it. After all, your cooking is too… big and bold, I doubt that they could handle such uhhhh, great, great stuff.]
Subaru struggled to find a word to describe her cooking without flat out calling it bad. Some people who could read the atmosphere might say to just tell her that her cooking needs improvement, but Subaru couldn't do that. Emilia was an angel, and it was only in the most dire of situations that he would tell her straight up that something was amiss. For now, the best he could do was stall the details of who would make the food for a later time.
[Emilia: I'm sure I can make something that everyone likes. Gosh, you're being so scurrilous today.]
[Subaru: Who even says scurrilous today? Seriously, even I don't know what that means. Listen, I think we should let Otto decide on the details for now. We can curb this conversation for a later time.]
Subaru attempted to change the subject, hoping to get the memory of food poisoning out of his head. He moved nearer to the bed and sat down on the edge before taking a deep breath.
[Subaru: So…. Me, Otto, Garfiel, and Beatrice went over to the Capital to help in an important matter that Julius asked of us.]
[Emilia: I know that much. When I asked Roswaal he didn't say much on what you guys were doing. He just said that it was important and you wouldn't be back for some time.]
[Subaru: Yeah. We went looking to gather some information on a dangerous group, and we think we may have found it. So we… brought the information back with us.]
Emilia looked confused for a second, she didn't understand what Subaru was getting at. He was being uncharacteristically cryptic in this instance. So Subaru elaborated.
[Subaru: We brought back some guy that we think may be helpful in catching these guys, and he'll be staying in the mansion for some time.]
[Emilia: Oh, so you brought a new friend or something like that then?]
Subaru gave a light smile at that innocent response, she obviously hadn't met the guy. If she did she wouldn't be calling him a friend, or so Subaru thought. You never really knew with Emilia, she had a way of believing in the best in people.
[Subaru: Kind of, the transition may be hard for him, so try to be nice to him for me ok?]
Emilia gave a small pout.
[Emilia: When have I ever been mean to anyone?]
[Subaru: I know I know! I'm just saying this as a matter of course. I told everyone that, not just you. Because this guy, well just the way that he looks, you can tell that he's been through a lot. I don't want him to always feel like there are people out to get him.]
[Emilia: Still, I don't know what this has to do with me being nice. It's not like I'm as rambunctious as you.]
[Subaru: I honestly don't know how to feel about that statement. A part of me feels like I should be upset, but this guy isn't very pleasant at first glance, so please step lightly around him.]
Emilia's pout transitioned into a thoughtful expression, she remained this way for a bit before closing her eyes and nodding with a small smile on her face.
[Emilia: Ok, you can count on me. I'll be his friend so he doesn't feel lonely.]\
Subaru widened his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest in an "absolutely not" gesture.
[Subaru: No, absolutely not. That guy will end up corrupting my sweet angel, I will not allow such heresy to happen. I absolutely forbid- OWOWOWOWOW! OK! OK! LET GO!]
Emilia, peeved at Subaru treating her like a child, grabbed his ear and pulled hard. Subaru screamed out his discontent, saying all the while that he learned his lesson.
[Emilia: Gosh, you need to stop teasing me like this, it makes me reeeally peeved you know?]
[Subaru: I'm sorry Emilia-tan! I was just joking! If anything, your presence would probably restore his faith in the heavens themselves!]
Emilia sat by the dejected Subaru, her white skirt folding nicely as she did so. She had a happy expression that seemed to indicate her satisfaction with Subaru's atonement.
[Emilia: Things were so quiet before, we seemed to have few people. But now we have so many to lean on.]
Subaru sucked in his breath as Emilia dropped her voice to a whisper. It was a sign of goodwill and optimism for what the future held. But those words also served as a painful reminder of what he had lost on the way.
[Subaru: Yeah, but we didn't make it out with everyone.]
His voice in contrast was sullen and depressed. Emilia instantly picked up on what he was conveying. A sense of loss for the blue haired girl that was eternally bound in a prison of dreams and lost to the memory of the world. The girl that had once been his rock and reason to move forward, the girl that was now gone.
[Subaru: You were never strong enough.]
The dark thoughts that had plagued Subaru since the time that tragedy had happened resurfaced, and he was once again bombarded with feelings of hopelessness. He went to move his sleeve to scratch his already eviscerated arm, but caught himself before he could. Emilia was staring at him with a concerned and sad expression on her face. It was no secret that he tended to harm himself in his grief, and the others constantly begged him to stop, but he could not. This was his punishment, his atonement for the sin of not being there for Rem. Still, he couldn't bear to do it in front of them, they would make such sad faces. So he stopped himself, and slowly removed his hand from his sleeve.
[Emilia: I'm sorry. I didn't realize that what I said was careless.]
[Subaru: It's not your fault Emilia-tan, I know you never meant anything by it.]
[Emilia: It's not ok. You're hurt by Rem being gone, I swear we'll find a way to wake her up.]
Subaru smiled at Emilia's steadfast resolve to save Rem. He didn't deserve her, he didn't deserve any of them. They did so much for him, and he was trapped in this weak body, cursed to watch them suffer as he was powerless to do anything.
He leaned into her, resting his head on her shoulders. She positioned herself so that she was supporting his weight with her own with no complaints. He cast his sullen gaze onto the ground at their feet, overcome by sadness, and she was still there, comforting him. She raised her hand and began to gingerly stroke his hair as would a mother when caring for a child. Her eyes were closed and she had a serene smile on her face. He could feel her heartbeat from where he was, he could feel her warm breath on his cheek, he felt drowsy, as if 100 years of exhaustion had suddenly placed their weight on his shoulders.
He felt sleepy, his consciousness was slipping.
[Emilia: It's been a rough few days hasn't it? You can rest a bit.]
His head drooped on her shoulder, he savored the feeling of her smooth skin on his own. His last sensation before slipping under was of her stroking his hair, humming some awful tune that she didn't realize was awful. But it wasn't too bad, there were worse sounds to fall asleep to.
And that is how they remained for the next several hours. Entwined in their embrace, enjoying each other's company.
Author's Note: A shorter chapter this time. I thought I would try my hand at some wholesome content before the next one. Sorry it took so long, what with finals and me being out of town the past few days I haven't had time to work on the story that much. But here we are, finally. As always I hoped you guys liked it, and if you have any questions, comments, or concerns, ask away.