A/N: Thank you for all the wonderful reviews on the previous chapter after waiting so long for an update.

The adjustment to being back at Rangeman was more difficult than I expected. I got back into the daily routine of going down to the floor and working in my office easily enough. Tank and I reviewed everything that I had delegated while in Indiana and found that most things were operating more efficiently now than when I did them. I took back a few responsibilities that I had put onto him, but my workload was still significantly less than it had been before Thanksgiving. It just proved the point I had tried to make to Stephanie that I had given myself extra work in the past because I had nothing else to do. I didn't want things to be that way moving forward, so when I got off at six to eat dinner, I didn't let myself get back on the computer anymore. The problem with that was knowing what to do with myself. Ella had asked me about what happened with Stephanie the day after I got home. She's a hopeless romantic and told me that I needed to prove to Stephanie that I could be what she and Stella needed and that surely that would get her to come home. I could stop myself from working in the evenings after dinner. I just needed something else to fill my time when I didn't have Stella. And even then, I wasn't sure if it was enough to get Stephanie to come home. Any changes I made would benefit Stella regardless of what Stephanie chose to do, so I told myself to focus on that.

I hadn't told anyone in my life but when I was a kid, I had loved reading. It had been an escape for me from the bullying I'd received at school or from the neighborhood kids. It let me not think about the problems with my siblings. I went to the library and checked out comic books and the Hardy Boys mysteries, along with nonfiction stuff. I'd read them at night under my covers with a flashlight because I didn't want my brother or sisters to know. They had given me enough shit for everything else. Once I'd gotten in trouble for stealing a car, I hadn't read much. I was too busy trying to be a badass and reading didn't fit with the image. I had read more books in the last six months taking care of Stella than I had read since I was my two years in college. Granted, they'd been children's books, but it had reminded me of being a kid. The nice thing about the modern era is that I could download e-books onto my iPad to read without anyone knowing any differently. They would just think I was reviewing reports. Not that anyone was in my apartment to see me doing it, but it would make me feel less vulnerable.

I spent an entire evening reviewing all the book options I could find on Amazon and bought several that looked interesting. I decided to start with a book on communication within relationships. If I was ever going to make things work with Stephanie, I needed to learn to learn to be more open with her. People used to want me dead. Now I'm in my apartment reading about attachment theory.

"The Mets aren't playing for shit this year," Tank said as we sat on his couch watching a game. I had informed him a couple of days earlier that I needed to get a life and he has suggested I come over to watch baseball and drink beer. I figured that was a normal thing to do, so I had taken him up on the offer. Stephanie spent time with her friends and enjoyed it. I could do that.

"I didn't realize you were such a big baseball fan," I observed. "You're usually more invested in basketball."

Tank shrugged and petted the cat sleeping in his lap. "I prefer basketball, but baseball will do in the off-season."

"Is that a new cat?" I asked him. "I don't remember that one."

"Yes, it is. This is Miss Lucy. She showed up a while back about to burst. I let her inside and she had five kittens the next day. That's one of them," Tank pointed out, indicating a gray kitten that had been laying on my shoes. The kitten had followed me around from the moment I'd gotten into the house.

"So how many cats do you have now?"

"Ten, counting the kittens, but I'm going to give them away now they are old enough. And I'm going to get Miss Lucy fixed so she can't have anymore."

I shook my head. "You've turned into a crazy cat lady."

"Not a chance," he said defensively.

"Whatever you say."

"You want that one?" Tank asked, referring to the kitten at my feet. "He's really sweet and he seems to like you. If not, then I got post him on Facebook or something."

I bent down and picked up the kitten. He was a dark gray color with bright green eyes. He meowed when I picked him up and put him in my lap. He started to purr as I pet him and climbed up my chest to sit on my shoulder.

"He thinks he a parrot," Tank commented. "He loves to sit on shoulders or be right under your chin."

I hadn't had a pet since I was a child and my family had a Dachshund named Pogo. I hadn't thought one could fit into my life, but I had to come realize since being home that I missed Boston. That cat had slept with me every night I had been at Stephanie's. I had gotten used to the company. I liked dogs, but they were more work and needed more attention than cats.

"Stella would love it if I had a cat," I said, scratching the kitten under the chin.

"Then take him home with you."

I had a no animals policy in the company apartments, but it was mainly because the apartments weren't generally used long-term. Almost everyone who lived in them did so because they had just relocated to Trenton for the job and needed some time to get acclimated and find a place they liked. There were a couple of guys who had lived there for several years, but they weren't the type to want animals anyway. They were only interested in taking care of themselves.

I had arrived at Tank's house that evening with beer and left with a cat in a pet carrier. I stopped at the store on the way home to pick up supplies for him and we headed back to Rangeman. He didn't like the car ride and meowed nonstop until I got him to my apartment and out of his carrier.

After he spent every waking moment following me around the apartment for a couple of days, I decided to name him Shadow. Stella had squealed with delight over our new kitten. It didn't matter that I was hundreds of miles away. He belonged to her. She talked to him almost as much as she talked to me that first evening. Stephanie hadn't shown up on camera or attempted to talk to me since I'd left Indiana. I kept tabs on how she was doing by texting Katie. She would told me Stephanie was doing well in her therapies and with taking care of Stella. She had been encouraging Stephanie to go back to counseling and had been surprised when she agreed and set up an appointment. Katie had taken her to two appointments so far but hadn't elaborated further on how she thought they might be going. I was grateful for the ability to get her feedback on Stephanie and didn't want to push it too much or make Stephanie resentful towards her. I didn't know if Katie was telling Stephanie that I was checking up on her.

In mid-June I got a call from my friend Robert Kinsey to inform me that his wife Amanda had given birth to a baby girl a few days earlier. They had struggled with infertility and miscarriages since getting married six years ago. The stress had nearly led to divorce. Kinsey had called me the day before Thanksgiving to say Amanda was pregnant again and had managed to make it through the first trimester. It had been their final attempt at IVF.

"Congratulations," I said. "How are you guys doing?"

"Pretty good. The baby is healthy, Amanda's over the moon. I'm exhausted but we've waited so long for this that I don't care. How about you? What have you been up to?"

I snorted. "You're not going to believe this, but since Thanksgiving day and up until about a month ago, I had been living in Indiana taking care of my three-year-old daughter that I didn't know about because Stephanie nearly died in an accident."

"Holy shit!" Kinsey exclaimed. "You mean she was pregnant when she left and didn't tell you?"

"Who was pregnant?" I heard Amanda say in the background.

"Stephanie," Kinsey told her. "Apparently Ranger had a three-year-old daughter he didn't know about until Thanksgiving. Stephanie was in an accident, and he had to be out there to take care of her."

Amanda insisted I come for a visit and tell them more about Stephanie and Stella, so I went over the following evening to their home in Hamilton Township. Their home was a two-story house in a middle-class neighborhood. Minivans and SUVs were parked in driveways with kids pouring in and out of them laden with backpacks, sports equipment, and musical instruments. It looked like a neighborhood that held community rummage sales and fourth of July celebrations and had an obnoxious homeowner's association that told you what color to paint your mailbox.

Kinsey opened the door, and I couldn't help but grin when I saw him. He had bags under his eyes and clearly hadn't shaved in days. It looked like the baby had spit up on his right shoulder earlier in his day.

"What? You've seen me look worse than this," he said as he shook my hand stepped aside to let me in.

"I was just thinking about my siblings and how they all looked exactly like you when they had newborns."

I held their baby, who was named Grace, for a while so they could have a break. I knew it was the real reason they invited me over. I'm sure somewhere deep down they were glad to see me and wanted to know about Stephanie and Stella, but they primarily just wanted to rest their arms for a minute.

Amanda immediately wanted all the details of the last few months and I explained everything from Katie's initial call to my adjustment back to life at Rangeman.

"Well obviously Stephanie needs proof that you can sustain that change," Amanda said in a tone that clearly said I was an idiot. "When Robert and I started getting serious I had to call him out on all of these same things. I felt like his mistress because he was clearly married to his job. It took me breaking up with him for a couple of months to get his head out of ass. Now he talks about his feelings, and he doesn't work all the time."

A small, immature part of me wanted to poke fun at Kinsey for talking about his feelings. But then I remembered the book I was reading and the rehearsals I had practiced in my head of how to talk to Stephanie and decided not to throw stones in my glass house.

"She won't even talk to me. She stays off camera and ends the call as soon as Stella says goodbye. How am I even supposed to tell her what I've been doing? And she isn't here to see I'm not working all evening after dinner to know that I am changing."

Amanda shook her head at me. "You have to reach out to her," she said. "Don't tag her on at the end of your phone call with Stella. Call her separately. Make her feel special."

"And if she doesn't answer?"

"Leave a message or send a text. Tell her you're thinking about her, that you're working hard to be worthy of her, that you love her and miss her. Things like that. She might not answer right away, but if you are consistent with it, she'll realize you're trying."

The baby started crying and Amanda came to claim her. She got situated in an easy chair with a pillow and began nursing the baby. I was suddenly overcome with a feeling I couldn't name. Was this what people called baby fever? Because I just kept thinking about Stephanie and wanting to be able to go through the experience of pregnancy and newborn days with her.

"You also need to think long-term," she said once the baby was quiet. "You live in an apartment above your job. Not exactly a family-friendly setting, and it makes it easier for you to get sucked into working after hours. Stella needs a yard to play in. Have you thought about buying a house?"

I hadn't really thought about buying a house. I had been thinking about remodeling the apartment so that there was another bedroom, but Amanda was right. Kids need space to play. A building full of men in SWAT gear wasn't exactly a playground. And it wouldn't make Stephanie believe I was serious about having a work-life balance.

"That's a good idea," I admitted.

Kinsey had passed out on the couch next to me while Amanda had been lecturing me about my behavior. "I don't care if he sleeps a little bit," she said. "He's good about getting up in the night with her and putting her back to sleep after I've finished feeding her."

I reached out to my realtor a few days later about looking for a home for my family. I didn't specify how many people were in my family but did tell her I had a small child. I gave a few specifications on preferred numbers of bathrooms and bedrooms but left the rest up to her. She knew my taste.

After that I decided to give Stephanie a call once I knew Stella would be at daycare. I knew her therapy appointments were in the afternoons and Katie was at work, so she shouldn't be too busy. The phone range several times before going to voicemail. I opted not to leave her a voicemail and sent a text instead.

I was just calling to check in. I miss you.

I spent five minutes writing and erasing different things from the text, but ultimately sent it in the original form. I wasn't sure if I'd hear back from her, but it was all part of my work to do better.

I tried to focus on my work and not worry about whether I'd hear from her but found myself checking my phone every time I thought I heard a sound. It felt pathetic. Maybe I was pathetic. I had messed up with her years ago, and here I was thinking I was owed another chance. Maybe she was right not to bother with me. I felt sure I could change, but that didn't mean I would ever convince her.

I was convinced she wasn't going to respond to me when I hadn't heard back from her before my call with Stella. I was surprised when I answered the Facetime call to see her face appear. She clearly had her phone propped up on something because I could see Stella sitting her lap.

"Hi, Daddy," Stella said quietly. She clearly wasn't feeling well.

"She's been sick all day today," Stephanie said, rubbing Stella's back as she spoke. "She had barely gotten to school when she started throwing up. Thankfully one of the office staff was able to drive her home."

"I'm sorry you're sick," I told Stella. "Are you feeling any better than you were this morning?"

Stella shook her head. "I had to cancel therapy today and we've just been lying around watching tv and cuddling," Stephanie answered. "She hasn't wanted to do anything else."

"I wish I could help," I said.

"There isn't much to do except this. Katie went out on her lunch break to get some Pedialyte for us. Thankfully she's staying hydrated, even if she doesn't eat."

"How's Shadow?" Stella asked weakly.

"He's good. He's sleeping in my lap right now," I told her, moving the camera so she could see the cat. "He follows me around all the time like Boston did."

Stella complained about not feeling well a couple of times while we talked, so I told her I could let her get back to resting and talk to her tomorrow. Stephanie ended the call. I was thankful to see her for the first time in a month but doubted it would have happened if Stella hadn't been sick.

I spent the couple of hours doing virtual tours of various houses my relator had sent to my email. I made note of the things I liked and didn't so that I could give her better details of what I was looking for. One thing I noted was that I preferred everything to be on a single level. I didn't know how Stephanie was progressing with physical therapy but wanted to consider the possibility that stairs might always be difficult for her. Thinking about her and the ignored messages of the last month made me feel depressed looking at houses. I needed one for Stella, but I couldn't let go of the hope that Stephanie might live there one day.

My phone began ringing and the notification of a Facetime call from Stephanie popped up on the screen on my computer. I looked at the time and saw it was after nine. Stella would be in bed by now. I answered the call and saw Stephanie sitting alone in bed.

"Hey," she said, clearly anxious. "I wanted to wait to talk to you until after I got her to bed."

"No problem," I said. "It's hard when she's sick."

She nodded. "Look, I know this is hard for you, but we're doing okay. I'm going to my therapies and making good progress. They're hoping I won't need to use the cane here soon."

"That's good," I replied. "I'm glad you're doing well. I'm not doubting your ability to be a mother, Stephanie. I'm sorry for how I acted when I left. It was hard to leave her. And you. It's hard not having someone to come home to in the evening."

"Really?" Stephanie asked, looking surprised. "I figured you'd like the quiet."

"I'm bored," I told her. "After I eat dinner and talk to her, I don't have anything to do. I've started watching more television. I've hung out with Tank, visited with Kinsey and Amanda." I hesitated before continuing. "I've even gotten back into reading."

"I didn't know you liked to read."

"No one does. I loved it as a kid but didn't do it very much once I got in trouble and moved to Miami. I bought a few books on my iPad." I watched for a reaction, but she looked like she was trying to keep her expression neutral. "I'm making changes, Stephanie. I want to be what I should have been five years ago."

She closed her eyes and took a minute to gather her thoughts. "I know you want me to come back, but I can't do it, Ranger. Do you remember what it was like when I lived there? I was the screw up bounty hunter who burned down the funeral home and was constantly getting her cars blown up or stolen. I was the laughingstock of the fire and police department because people were always breaking into my apartment or setting it on fire. I was Morelli's ex-fiancée. My mother disowned me because I wasn't what she wanted me to be. But I'm not those things here. I've had a good job. The only car I've lost is the one that got totaled in the accident. Being here gave me the chance to start over and be someone else. Now I'm Stephanie Plum, Quality Assurance specialist. I'm Stella's mom, and Katie's best friend. The minute I step foot back in Trenton I'd be that loser again. You don't get a fresh start in the Burg. People don't forget who you used to be, no matter how much you try to change."

It was the most genuine reason she had given, and I felt every word of it. I had the same experience in my parents' neighborhood. It didn't matter that I had aged more than twenty years or that I owned a multimillion-dollar company, I would always be that gang banger wannabe who stole Mrs. Arnez's Cadillac and got busted three blocks away.

"We don't have to live in Trenton. Or New Jersey at all. I told you I'll live in Indiana. I don't care. I just want to be with you and Stella."

"Why would you want to be with me after what I did to you?" Stephanie asked as she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "I didn't even tell you about her. I lied to her about you."

"Because I've forgiven you for that," I said. "I was angry with you when I first found out. I was pissed that you would rob me of the opportunity to be in her life. I've never been present for the birth of either my children. I never got to see their first steps or first words. I chose that with Julie, but you made that choice for me with Stella, and it hurt. It still does, but I'm not going to let it stand in the way of a life you."

Neither of us said anything for a minute or two. She was lost in her thoughts, and I was lost in watching her.

"I'm not going to pressure you to be with me," I said, breaking the silence. "I want to be with you, but I know I have a lot to prove, and you have a lot to deal with. I'm going to do what's needed, because even if you decide you don't want to be with me, I still need to do it for Stella. But I'm telling you now that if you ever decide to give me another chance, we can live wherever you want. I don't need to be here to do my job."

She watched me for a few seconds as though expecting me to change my mind, but finally nodded. "Okay," she said, and I could sense she was wanting to wrap up the call. "Oh, by the way, you need to talk to your accountant about your child support. It's messed up."

"What's wrong with it?"

"They're sending me $1500 each week instead of each month."

"No, that's the right amount," I told her. "It's what I told them to send."

Stephanie's eyes widened. "Ranger! That's too much money! That's practically two weeks' pay for me. I don't need that much money."

"It's what I'm sending," I told her. "I'm not changing it."

"I don't want your pity money," she said angrily. "I'm getting short-term disability. It pays the bills."

"It isn't pity money, it's support for both of you. It's the same amount I send to Rachel for Julie every week."

"But I don't have any other bills to pay. You already pay her daycare and preschool and you have her on your health insurance."

Stephanie tried to argue more, but I could tell she was losing her reasons. "It's too much money. The fact that you can pay $12,000 a month in child support without batting an eye makes my head hurt."

"I want to make sure my children are financially stable," I said. "Rachel doesn't work and if something happened to Ron she would be on her own with Julie and two other children. That much money would help her get by. And if you can't get back to work before your short-term disability runs out then it'll help you. And you're going to need a new car once you're cleared to drive. You can pay cash for it and not have to worry about a loan."

"I don't know if I ever want to drive again, let alone if I'll be able to," she said. "Riding in a car scares the hell out of me."

"I don't care what you do with the money as long as you are making sure you and Stella have everything you need. You could save it for her, put it in a college fund, invest it. I don't care. But I'm not going to cut back on it."

"Fine."

"Have you changed your mind about letting me see Stella soon?" I asked.

Stephanie shook her head. "I still think we need more time. I was thinking you could pick her up around your birthday and take her home with you. Then she could visit your family."

That was almost two months away. "That's a long time to wait."

"I know," she acknowledged. She wasn't going to budge on the visits, and I wasn't going to budge on the support.

"I still love you, babe, even though you can make me crazy."

Stephanie winced. "Please don't call me that. It's hard enough to see you and talk to you and keep my feelings in check."

That hurt. I'd thought it was going well. I guess I was more optimistic than I had realized.

We said goodnight and she ended the call, which left me looking at myself on the camera with the houses my realtor sent me in the background. Her reaction to me calling her babe had taken away all the good feelings I had while talking to her. I tried to keep looking at the houses, but lost interest. I got up from my desk and did something I rare for me—I poured myself a glass of bourbon and paced the living room while I drank.

I wasn't used to letting myself feel so much. When you're in war, you learn to compartmentalize if you want to keep your sanity and not get killed. Did you just see your unit leader get blown up by an IED? You'll deal with that later because you need to watch out for other ones so that you don't meet the same fate. Did you just find a little girl's mutilated body hanging from a tree? Too bad, you have to keep moving to catch the son of a bitch who did it before he can do it to someone else's child. The problem with compartmentalizing is once you start, you can't stop. Otherwise, all that shit comes flooding out like a tsunami. Letting myself feel all the good things in the past few months had also started letting the bad stuff in as well. I'd been having nightmares about my time in the Army, along with memories of times Stephanie had been in jeopardy. I also started having nightmares about Stella going missing or being hurt. I had tried to counter them by imagining what it would be like to have her and Stella with me, in our home, being a family. But right now I felt less certain that my hopes would ever become reality.