Hey, here I am again. Today was a rainy day and may I just say that my mood sort of matches the weather! Here is chapter 25. Please review so I can improve, your words are actually motivate me and lift me up! Anyway, enjoy!
Trigger warnings: drug overdose, loss.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, the characters belong to Dick Wolf but this particular plot is all mine!
The past few weeks past so quickly that she hadn't even realized that her birthday was in two days.
Things had finally gone back to normal. She did no longer have those sudden mood swings, one moment being unbelievable happy and the next a complete wreck. Doctor Hanover proved to be right once more. All she needed to do was unleash all those pent up emotions, let them go, not letting them control her.
That letter she wrote almost a month ago was safely locked in one of her desk's drawer. She would read it whenever she felt like she was going down the slippery slope again, just to give herself a shimmer of hope, to remind her who she was and that she deserved all love and happiness. That happiness, though, faded a little less than a week ago.
Her mother got a call from the facility that her grandma had been admitted and was informed that her condition had worsen. She was suffering from a severe case of pneumonia and given the fact that she was close to ninety years old, the chances of her surviving it were slim. So they had flown to Atlanta during the weekend to see her and as the doctors had put it 'say goodbye'.
Her grandma Amanda.
She felt honored to be carrying her name. Despite her, having grown in the countryside as well, her grandma Amanda was a feminist icon. Always rebellious, never letting anyone get under her skin or force their beliefs on her. That's one of the reasons her grandpa had fallen in love with her; because she was different from the rest of the girls around town and that's what made her beautiful.
She remembers asking her mother at some point during the age of ten why they had named her Amanda.
"Because you were kicking so hard and seemed so eager to get out of my belly, that reminded us of your grandma's attitude. Always wanna do things her own way."
That was the reply she got. Ever since that day she would find herself looking up at her grandma in awe. Whenever someone would ask her what did she want to be in her life, she had one simple answer:
"I wanna be like grandma."
And last weekend she had to sit with her, on her death bed holding Amanda senior for dear life, tears streaming down her cheeks, not ready to let go.
She was holding one of her hands tightly in hers, the tears flowing unstoppably down her face.
"Oh, Amanda, don't cry darlin'." Her grandma said her tone husked and tired.
They were alone in the room. Kim and her mother had already said their goodbyes and they decided to leave the two women alone for a moment, knowing very well how close they were.
"I don't wanna let you go, grandma. Who is gonna share their wisdom with me now? Who is gonna remind me that before everything, I am woman? What am I gonna do without you?" Her voice cracked and she let a sob escape her lips.
"Come here baby." The elder woman on the bed opened her arms, with every last bit of strength that she had left, and gestured for Amanda to settle into her embrace.
Amanda complied, as always. If her grandma wanted to spend her last moments with the small version of herself in her arms, that's what would happen.
"I am gonna tell you something, darlin', and you gotta listen very very carefully." When the girl nodded the other woman proceeded. "My time has come, but that's not necessarily a bad thing." She paused and took a deep breath trying to ease a cough that was stuck in her throat. "That's life."
"Well, then life sucks." The blonde sniffled, her head tucked underneath the other woman's chin.
"I couldn't agree more." She sighed, feeling tears welling up in her eyes. "Look, it's gonna be hard for a while. You are gonna cry and grieve and that's just fine. But soon you will realize that that's the circle of life. Remember what I told you when you talked to me about Aaron? 'Ubi amor, ibi dolor.'"
"'Where there's love, there's pain.'Your favorite Latin phrase." The blonde whispered.
"Yeah, one of many!" She chuckled slightly, but it quickly turned into coughs. "My point; it's gonna hurt for a while and it will feel like the world is ending, but you will find your way. I might not be around but I will still be around. Your mind, heart and soul will keep my memory alive. They will keep me alive. You know I have made people's life so hard that I really don't know if I should be preparing myself for hell or heaven-"
"Probably heaven."
"Let's hope. But I promise you, that I will take care of you. I will make sure you are okay no matter where I go." She patted the young girl on the shoulder reassuringly.
"I don't think I can let you go."
"You still have my cross, the one I gave you before you left?" The teenager nodded. "Well then, you don't have to let me go. Wear it and I will be with you. You, Amanda Rollins, you are my legacy. I trust you-" she coughed and felt her body ready to give up. "I trust you with it." She took in a deep breath before she said those last words. "I love you my sweet girl, don't forget me."
"I won't, grandma. I love you."
And there, in her embrace, her hand laying upon the her grandma's chest, she felt her heart stop beating. Her life coming to an end.
"I won't disappoint you grandma."
She stayed in her embrace like that until a nurse came in and remover her from the lifeless body. The separation was so harsh and brutal for her, even though the kind nurse just touched her in the shoulder and said to her:
"I am so sorry, dear, but it's time to let go."
She was now sitting on her bed, clutching in her hand the golden cross that was now placed around her neck. This was her, promising her grandma, that she would never forget her, that she would never let go.
Today is Thursday, two more days and she will be officially an adult. She couldn't wait to finally feel like she has some control, make Amanda senior proud.
A loud noise from the room next to hers took her out of her thoughts. It was a loud bang, like something heavy had fallen on the floor. She got off the bed and went to see if her sister was okay.
She knocked on the door but no sound came from the other end. She called out for Kim but she was met with silence. She called out again, a little louder this time thinking that maybe she had her earphones on but nothing again.
Her mother was out, running some errands so she was alone and she felt the well known feeling of anxiety growing inside of her. She reached for the handle and tried to open the door, just to make sure that everything was okay. The problem was that said door, was locked.
"Kim!" She yelled but nothing once again.
After yanking the handle a little more to no avail, she decided to try a different approach, the fear taking over her body. She took a few steps back and bumped into the door with her good shoulder. The door moved just a little but not enough to open.
She repeated the same thing two more times and the door gave in. When she got in and saw her sister on the floor, passed out, the fear she was feeling turned into complete and utter terror.
"Oh my God, Kim!" She cried out stepping closer on her sister and dropping down on her knees next to her body. She shook her a little, patted her cheeks lightly, but nothing.
She took the phone out of her pocket and dialed nine one one.
"Nine one one what's your emergency?" A woman from the other line spoke.
"My sister, I don't know what happened but she won't wake up." Amanda cries into the phone, still trying to bring Kim back to consciousness.
"Okay, honey, give me your address so I can send an ambulance."
Amanda gave her address to the woman and started looking around the room, desperately trying to find what might have caused her sister's fainting.
"Oh lord!"
On the bed there was Kim's small mirror, the one she used to apply make up, with some white dust on it. It was cocaine.
"What is it honey?" The woman asked.
"She... there are drugs... in-in the room. I think she overdosed." She dropped the phone on the floor and put it on speaker.
"Okay, honey, stay calm. Check her pulse for me." Amanda reached a trembling hand to her sister's neck pressing two fingers on her pulse point.
"Barely there." She felt that feeling of panic again.
"Ambulance is on its-"
"Fuck the ambulance, it will take to long." And then it occurred to her the paramedics that visited the school last year to teach them some basic things in case they ever find themselves in such a situation. "Chest compressions."
And she started performing chest compressions on her sister, trying to keep her alive.
'What the hell were you thinking Kim?'
"Oh God!"
She looked up only to see her mother standing on the doorframe, hands over her mouth. She never stopped the chest compressions and she felt her sister's body quacking underneath her hands.
She turned her to the side and vomit flew out of her mouth.
That's when they heard the ambulance's sirens from outside and only then she realized what was happening.
She was having a deja vu.
Some Kim trouble because we need to explain how the relationship between them all went from okay to really bad. See you in the next chapter! R and have a nice day or night.