XOXOXOXOXO

Chapter 25

Sofia

I wish James wouldn't be so quick to judge Nick.

He didn't judge me, and I was a lot crueler to him than Nick is.

I know there's a big difference between Nick and me in James's eyes.

I'm the girl he fell in love with, and Nick is some dude that keeps talking to said girl.

But Nick and I aren't completely unalike.

James needs to move past the empty flirt crap, It's not like I ever respond to it anyway.

Why would I?

I want James to have friends because he needs someone besides me to focus on.

I'm not going to leave him for some other guy.

If I'm going to leave him It's because I'm a fucking unnecessary threat to his life.

"Cleo!" I yelled as the pink-haired girl entered the gym.

"Oh, hey guys!" she smiled, walking over to us in the bleachers.

I hopped off James' lap, and we both stood to face her.

"I wanted to apologize for what happened Thursday," I frowned, "It was a misunderstanding on my part; someone else was in the locker room before you came in,"

"It's okay, Sofia; I heard about what happened yesterday," she hugged me, "You had every right to be scared, and I don't blame James for getting upset either,"

"Thanks," James nodded, "I want someone in there with Sofia until we catch her stalker,"

"For sure!" Cleo exclaimed, "I'll be your locker room buddy," she giggled.

"Sofia!" Vivian called, running over to me with a swarm of my squadmates, "We were so worried about you!"

They were?

How did everyone find out about it?

"Hey guys," I blushed, reaching for James's hand.

"Have they caught him yet?" Bridget asked, and I shook my head.

I wish.

"No, not yet," James squeezed my hand, "But soon,"

"Well, we saw the wanted posters, and everyone is looking for him. It won't be long, " Vivian smiled, "Let's go get ready, girls,"

"Wait for me?" I asked, looking up at James.

"Always, princess," he kissed me and let me join the group.

"You are so lucky to have such a caring boyfriend, Sofia," Bridget sighed as we got in the locker room, "You two are perfect together,"

He's perfect.

I'm just perfect by association.

"Aren't they!" Heather gushed, "You two are shoe-ins for Homecoming King and Queen,"

"He is amazing," I smiled, grabbing my uniform and going to a stall to change, "But I don't know about the whole homecoming thing,"

Homecoming queen?

No thanks.

That's a lot of attention I don't think anyone would want to give me, or that I could handle.

No one even knows who I am.

"Oh, you have to let us nominate you, Sofia!" Vivian called, "Garth already said he's nominating James,"

"I'm hardly ever at school, and I doubt I'd win," I protested, walking back out to them, "But I'll talk to James and see what he says,"

"You are the cutest, I swear," Bridget grabbed her brush, pushed me on the bench, and started brushing my hair, "We were talking, and we think you should host the sleepover Friday night after the first game,"

A sleepover at the stalker house?

That's a hard pass.

"I don't think that's a good idea, not until we catch Sam," I shook my head, but Bridget held me still, "I'll have to ask James's mom first anyway,"

They all stared at me, "What?" I asked.

"You LIVE with James!?" They all squealed, and I blushed.

Shit.

I never told them that.

"Oh, uh, yeah," I mumbled, avoiding eye contact with any of them.

"Aww! So you guys are super serious, then!" Cleo giggled.

"Yeah, we are," I nodded, "We're getting married next year,"

"When?" Vivian asked excitedly.

"Sometime between my birthday and graduation, we aren't going to set a date until he proposes," I giggled, "He wants to surprise me,"

"That is so perfect! Keep us in mind if you need bridesmaids," Bridget clapped, going back to my hair.

"I'll start planning right after his proposal," I sighed happily.

Mrs. Sofia Talbert.

It was a double-edged sword.

"All done," Bridget patted my shoulders, and I looked at the damn pigtails in the mirror.

"Can't you braid it or something," I pouted.

I HATE these damn pigtails.

I look like Pippy fucking Longstocking.

All I need is a fucking bag on a stick.

"No, we all have signature hairstyles, and these are yours," Bridget shrugged, handing me my backpack and pushing me toward the door, "Come on, I bet James is right outside,"

She opened the door, and James was standing with his back to the door.

"Boom! Who called it!" Bridget laughed, "Your lady, good sir," she bowed and skipped away.

"Hey baby," James pulled me to his chest, and I wrapped my arms around him.

My personal bodyguard.

Always ready to defend his fair maiden.

"You look like a bouncer," I giggled, looking up at him.

"That's because I am," he smiled smugly, "I'm glad to see the pigtails again,"

You would be, you sadist.

"Ugh," I groaned, throwing my head back against my backpack, "They're my signature hairstyle," I made air quotes and flung my head forward, causing them to flip over my shoulders.

Hate them with me.

Validate my angst, future husband.

Tell them to stooooop.

"Don't try to turn me against them, baby; they're adorable," he chuckled, wrapping one around his hand and pulling gently, "Are you ready to head to class?"

Pigtails one.

Sofia zero.

"Yeah," I nodded, letting him go and taking his hand, "The girls want to nominate me for homecoming queen," I admitted shyly.

"Oh? Do you want to run?" He asked excitedly.

"I don't know; Vivian said Garth is nominating you, so I will if you do," I smiled, "The thought of being your queen is enticing,"

"You already are, baby," he laughed, picking me up and spinning me around, "But I won't say no to making it official,"

"It's settled then," I laughed, dangling from his neck and dropping back to the ground, "What are you going to do after school today?"

"I'm going to the police station to see if they've found anything," He squeezed my hand, "Promise me you won't go anywhere alone at college,"

Trust me, I'm not going to go looking for trouble.

"Okay, and I promise, I'll stay in the computer lab between classes, and I'll wait for Mrs. White in her waiting room," I nodded.

"I'm half tempted to ask you to do online classes," he sighed, leaning his head on mine.

"The Sherriff sent pictures to the college too," I reminded him, "I don't want to mess with my classes,"

"I know, but it still worries me," He frowned, taking my backpack off my back and letting me sit down before taking his seat beside me, "I don't want to let you out of my sight,"

I don't want to be out of your sight.

"I'll text you all day," I laid my hand on his, "I love you, James,"

"I love you too, Sofia," he smiled, bringing my hand to his lips, "So much,"

Nick walked in and quickly found a seat on the other side of the classroom.

He looks so lonely.

James was too hard on him...

I don't want to start another fight, but I really hope we find Sam soon so James can start being civil like he promised.

James followed me to the gym after class was over, but Cleo was nowhere to be found.

I looked at the locker room door, and my chest felt heavy.

What if he's inside again?

I'm sure he wouldn't try to scare me again...he'd try to kill me.

"I don't want to go in there by myself," I hugged James's arm.

"You're not going to," he frowned, looking around for any of my squadmates, "Here," he opened his gym bag and handed me his hoodie, "Wear this over your uniform,"

I took it and raised an eyebrow, "You brought your hoodie?"

"Yeah, I pack it every morning in case you need it," he rubbed the back of his neck.

Oh my God.

He's so good to me.

"Thank you," I whispered, hugging the hoodie to my chest before pulling it over my head.

"You're welcome, baby," he smiled, kissing my forehead, "I'll have one of the girls get me your bag later, and I'll bring it home,"

"Okay," I nodded, and we walked to the bus.

James reluctantly let go of my hand as I boarded, not taking his eyes off me as I found a seat.

"How was your weekend?" Mrs. White asked as I sat on the arm of her couch.

"Do you want the good news or bad news first?" I groaned, resting my forehead on my knees.

"Bad news, always," she sat back in her chair.

"Someone left an envelope full of stalker pictures of me on the front door with a creepy note," I sighed, tapping my forehead on my knees, "I'm so afraid James and his parents are going to get hurt,"

"Did you call the police?" she asked, scribbling down notes.

"Mhm," I nodded, "I'm pretty sure it's Sam, so they sent pictures of him to my high school and here,"

"Miranda's ex-boyfriend?"

"Yep," I sighed, "I told James that I wanted to go deal with it, but he won't let me,"

"How would you deal with it?"

"I would sacrifice myself to keep them safe," I stated, staring into her eyes, "I'll do anything to keep James safe,"

"You would willingly put yourself in a similar situation you've already gone through, just to keep him from getting hurt?"

"A hundred times over," I nodded, "But it wouldn't come to that, Sam would kill me,"

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because he's tried before,"

"Why didn't he?"

"I got away," I shrugged, "Miranda, Sam, and I were going through withdrawal after the meth lab exploded, and he had some severe delusions, so I confused him and jumped out the bedroom window. Miranda ran, called the police, and had him arrested,"

"Why didn't Social Services take you away when the police showed up?"

"Mrs. White," I sighed, "I can't remember anything after hitting the ground; I woke up a week later in the field behind Miranda's house,"

"No one was looking for you?" she asked, shocked.

"No," I chuckled, "I found Miranda in the living room eating a sandwich when I drug myself inside, and then she shoved me in the closet when I asked for food, so,"

"What about the school?"

I shrugged again, "If you want me to explain how anyone with eyes couldn't tell or didn't care that a nine to eleven-year-old was a meth addict, I'm sorry. I can't,"

"No, I don't expect you to understand that, but why do you think Sam wants to kill you now?"

"James and his parents have been so great, Mrs. White, but they talked me into getting Miranda put in jail. The Sherriff is now doing checks on everyone with drug convictions back in my hometown in Missouri to try to find Sam. I know too much, I know names, I know faces, and I know lab locations; they've left me alone up to this point because I was quiet," I slid down on the couch with my knees to my chest.

"Have you ever seen them kill anyone?"

I side glanced at her and nodded.

"Who?"

I shook my head, resting it back on my knees.

"Were they children?"

I nodded again, keeping my head down, trying not to remember the sound of my friend's screams.

"What are James and his parents doing to keep you safe?"

"More than they should," I slammed my forehead into my knee, "I am so damn conflicted; I love James more than I ever thought I could love someone, and he loves me more than I deserve, but I can't just sit around in a beautiful fortress waiting for someone to come kick the door down and shoot all of us!"

"What do you want to do?"

"I want to rewind to Friday and just hit play till Sunday and fucking rewind again," I cried, holding my legs, "I really thought I could live a normal life, but I should have just killed myself last year,"

"Are you having suicidal thoughts again, Sofia?"

"I DON'T KNOW!" I screamed, "I don't want to leave James, but they are making me! It's either I kill myself or be brutally murdered with the people I love most in the world; what would you choose?" I snapped, glaring at her.

"Take a deep breath," she ordered, putting her hand on my back, "I would trust that everyone around you, including the police, are going to keep you safe,"

"I have always known that something bad was going to happen to me," I sobbed, "I wanted to leave home after graduation so badly, but I knew I would be targeted the moment I was out of their reach. I just hoped that maybe, just maybe, they could let me go,"

"What if it's not them?"

"Then I really am bad luck," I chuckled sourly, "I would rather it be drug-related than being targeted out of spite of my relationship. James thinks it's this guy Nick at school,"

"And you don't?"

"Heh," I smiled, "That's what James asked this morning, but no, I don't. Even if Nick is jealous or whatever, he just seems lonely,"

"Lonely people make good stalkers,"

"Please don't try to plant that seed; I won't accept that it's him," I sighed.

"Think what you want, but don't obsess over the idea that you're going to die,"

"But Mrs. White, that's over half of my personality," I smiled sarcastically.

"Tell me the good news,"

"We went camping over the weekend," I beamed and sat on the edge of the couch, "Roland and Anne rented this amazing RV, James and I went swimming and hiking, and Roland hugged me because I caught a catfish with a worm,"

"It sounds like you had fun,"

"So much fun! James even wrote a list of all the reasons he loves me so I can read it if I feel insecure about our relationship," I sighed, hugging his hoodie.

"Why did he feel he needed to do that?"

"Because he's engaged to be engaged to a trainwreck," I chuckled, shaking my head, "And he's the best boyfriend ever to exist,"

"Do you fight a lot?"

"We don't fight, I fight, and he has a way of always making everything okay,"

"Does he know how much you love him?"

"I try to show him, but I don't know what I'm doing. I've never had this kind of love in my life before, and it scares me, but it also excites me, and I have a hard time differentiating between the two emotions,"

"It will take time to get past your trauma if you ever can,"

"I know, and so does he. He's been so patient with me," I spun a strand of hair between my fingers, "He doesn't even seem to care that I may never be able to have a sexual relationship with him; James wants to be with me because he truly loves being with me,"

"But yet you're threatening to leave him? It sounds like he would do anything for you; why don't you trust that he and everyone else will keep you safe?"

"What if it never ends? Let's say that this is Sam, and he gets caught or killed; more would show up in his place,"

"Or maybe they would get scared and leave you alone. Isn't staying with James worth that risk?"

"Yes," I groaned and fell sideways on the couch, "I don't think I could leave anyway. Even the thought makes me sick,"

"Be sure to let him know how you feel,"

"I will," I stared at the door.

"Are you ready to go?"

"Yes, please," I sighed, pulling myself upright and grabbing my backpack, "See you Monday, Mrs. White,"

"Have a good week, Sofia,"

I walked out of Mrs. White's office and looked for Anne's car.

She wasn't here yet, so I sat on a bench and called her.

"Hey, sweetie, I'll be there in ten minutes; I got held up at work," she answered.

"No problem; I'm in front of Mrs. White's office," I shrugged, leaning back.

"I'll see you soon,"

"Yep," I hung up.

I closed my eyes and drank in the warmth of the sun.

I need to let James know how much I loved him.

I pulled out my phone and checked the tracking for his birthday gift.

Maybe I could give it to him early.

He's going to love it.

I've never given a gift before, and I don't know if I can hide it from him for an entire month and a half.

I pulled up the text messages from James and smiled as I read them and looked at his pictures.

He's worth dying for, but I need to live for him.

It had been so easy to tell the girls that we were getting married, and the words felt so right.

I want to be Sofia Talbert.

I want to spend my life with James.

I just need to take care of this mess first.

Anne pulled her car to the sidewalk, and I happily jumped in.

We got our nails done, went shopping, and picked up dinner before it started to rain.

"Sofia!" James exclaimed as I walked through the door, picking me up into his arms, "I missed you," he breathed on my neck.

"I missed you too, baby," I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him, "How was your day?"

"Same old, same old, but I got some good news from the Sherriff," he beamed, setting me back down.

"Oh?" I asked, helping Anne serve the food.

"They have footage of Sam printing off the pictures here in town; finding him is just a matter of finding out where he's staying now," he leaned against the island, "We're so close, baby,"

He is here.

He found us.

I'm going to die.

I'm going to get these wonderful people killed.

I can't do this.

I can't stay here.

At least I know the truth.

"That's great," I smiled, trying not to show how scared I still was, "I'm glad to know it was him,"

"What do you mean?" Anne asked, turning toward me.

"I'd just rather it be him than some rando," I shrugged passively.

"You have a point," Roland agreed, pouring a glass of tea and putting the pitcher back in the fridge, "If it were some other person, you would still be worried he was coming after you; you can relax now,"

"Yeah," I chuckled nervously, "Sure,"

Relax?

They haven't caught him yet.

How exactly am I supposed to relax?

I haven't seen Sam in six years, and the mere thought of him showing up scares the shit out of me.

"Come eat, Sofia, and show James your nails," Anne smiled, pulling me to the table.

I sat down, and James grabbed my hands, inspecting my new red and white acrylics.

"Team colors with my number!" he smiled, kissing my knuckles, "I love them, baby, thank you,"

"I wanted to make sure everyone knew who I was cheering for," I blushed, watching his eyes brighten as he talked to me.

Do my eyes sparkle like that when I talk to him?

"God, you're perfect," he kissed my cheek gently.

No.

You're perfect.

I don't deserve you.

I don't deserve any of you.

Me loving you is a selfish, awful thing.

"I'm going to take a shower," I announced after my chicken sandwich was gone.

"Okay, baby, I'll be right up," James stood up, helping Anne clear the table.

"Goodnight, Sofia," Anne called.

"Goodnight Anne, Goodnight Roland," I smiled before ascending the stairs.

Rain began to fall as I walked into the bedroom.

Just be rain.

Don't be a thunderstorm.

I'm already on the verge of a panic attack.

Don't push me, weather.

Not now.

Please.

I stood in front of the dresser and pulled out my pajamas when Lightning illuminated the room.

I froze, covering my ears in anticipation of the crack of thunder.

Stay strong, Sofia.

Stay out of the closet.

Thunder rattled the house, and I dove into my closet, shutting the door and huddling in the corner, not caring that wire hangers were piercing me.

Damn it.

I put my hands over my head as hot tears fell across my cheeks.