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Chapter 25 - Empire State Building

It was sunset. The elevator dinged as Shakes and Sam walked out of the elevator on the top observation deck of the Empire State building. The Doctor stood to the side and had Rose walk out first to see the view.

It was breathtaking. The clouds reflected colors that were magical into the sky. Oranges, purples, yellows. It looked like a surreal painting. The Doctor walked behind her, watching her as she took it all in. He was smiling like a loon. "Not bad, huh? Not bad at all." he asked her as they walked over to the edge to see the view of the city.

Shakes had arranged where they were able to be there completely alone. The Doctor's breath was taken away at the sight as well. It was amazing.

Rose turned around to look at him. The wind was blowing little strands of her blond hair that were hanging down from a hat she was wearing. "This is magnificent, Doctor." she told him as he came up beside her. He was wearing his long, brown trench coat for the first time. Rose reflected how different he looked in it than he used to. It could have been because of the beard which was more pronounced now that he had decided to commit to growing one.

He stood there looking at the view with her, hands in his jeans pockets, smiling. "The Empire State Building. Built in 1931, during the Great Depression. Stands 1,454 feet or 443 meters high, and is 102 stories tall. The tallest building in all of New York City, until the World Trade Center was built. After it was destroyed, it's now the tallest building again. And it has an amazing view. I forgot how beautiful this was."

Rose turned to him. "You've been here before?"

He didn't take his eyes off of the view. "Yeah...I've been here several times. It was one of the first places I visited when I came here. Although, honestly. I wasn't planning on landing here. Scared the hell out of the security guard that night."

Rose laughed at him. He stepped in behind her and wrapped his jacket around her.

"I do remember it was cold up here though." the told her.

"Last night, you told me that you had decided to tell me what is in your box. But, you were afraid that I would leave you if I knew." Rose told him quietly.

The Doctor held her tighter and kissed her on the cheek.

"Blimey, I swear I'm never drinking that whiskey again." he grumbled under his breath. "Yeah, we need to talk about that."

She spun around in his arms so she could look at his face. He still covered her in his long jacket that he was wearing. "Why would you think I would leave you over something you are doing an experiment on."

He sighed. "It's complicated. But, you're right. I do need to tell you. I really wanted to wait until I'm sure it will work, but I'm worried you are going to figure it out first."

"What happens if it doesn't work?" Rose asked him.

"Well, it's the only shot I have at it. If it dies, that's it. I can't redo it."

"Is that a strong possibility?" she asked him.

He held her even tighter and looked off into the distance. "A very strong possibility. I really shouldn't be growing it as fast as I am. It will cause some problems that will have to be dealt with later. Well...not problems, it will just need some extra care."

"You can wait and tell me when you know it-"

"No. I really probably need to tell you now. Since, I've been here I've noticed something about myself that I never realized. I ran away all of those years ago, and I never really stopped running. Anytime something got hard, I just ran away from it. Now, that I don't have that option, it's made me realize how much I had been using it. I don't want to run anymore."

"Is that what you did with me?" Rose asked him, seriously.

He looked at her face. "Yep."

She nodded her head to accept his answer.

"Is that what you did with Susan?"

"Susan who?" he asked her as he kissed her forehead.

"Your Susan."

Realizing what she had said, he let go of her and stepped back. He brought his hand to his face. He was completely shocked.

"What did you say?"

"Is that what you did with Susan?" Rose asked him seriously.

He ran his hand in his hair. "No. That was different. How in the hell do you know about her?"

"You mentioned it last night." Rose told him.

He walked over to the wall, the beautiful view forgotten. He leaned his back against the wall and slid down until he was sitting. He put both of his hands in his hair, covering his face.

Rose couldn't believe his reaction. She had never seen him this stunned. She rushed over and kneeled in front of him. She pulled his hands out of his hair and held them as she looked up at his face.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize it would upset you so much. I wouldn't have brought it up." Rose told him.

"Why Susan? Why do you think I ran away from her?"

"You said you loved her last night. I know you love me. You ran away from me, did you run away from her?"

He shook his head. "No. Rose, that was completely different."

"How is it different? We are both companions you had. We both went on great adventures together. You love her, and you decide you know what's best for her!" she yelled at him. "Just like you did me!"

He stood up and became extremely defensive. "That was completely different than this! I did know what was best for her!"

"Did you ever go back to check to see if she was alright?"

"Of course I did!" he was yelling now.

"But, you didn't give her a choice. You just decided what she was going to do!"

He put his hands on his hips. "Yep. I did. I'd do it again. I have no regrets about it!"

"How could you do that to her?"

"It was what I was supposed to do!"

"You wanted her to be happy. You told her not to cry when you left her with..."

"David." he filled in.

"Yes! David! How do you know she should spend the rest of her life with him instead of you?"

"Because I was old! She was a child! She didn't need to waste her life taking care of me!"

"You did the same to me. You were old, I'm a child!"

"No! Rose that's different! "

"How is it different? Because she was a Time Lord-"

"No, Time Lady!" he corrected her.

"Oh, was it because she was a Time Lady? She could have lived her entire life with you! Not like human me that couldn't!"

"No, it wouldn't have been right." he shook his head determined. "I had lived my life. It was time she lived hers."

"She needed you, like I did!" Rose was so angry tears rolled down her cheeks. He noticed Rose's eyes flash yellow. She was so hurt and angry.

"No, she didn't, Rose!" he yelled forcefully at her.

"How on earth could you know that!?" she screamed even louder at him.

"Because it was my job to know!" he demanded as he looked at her.

"What the hell kindof job was that?!" she demanded.

"It just was!" he screamed.

"What made it your business to make such a decision for her?" Rose exclaimed.

"It had always been my business!" he screamed.

"Why would making such a huge decision be up to you?"

"All the huge decisions for her would have been mine to make!" he exclaimed.

"How could that be possible?" Rose screamed.

"Because she was my granddaughter!" he shouted.

Rose stopped yelling at those words. She was stunned. She had thought of the possibility that the Doctor had a family once before, but she never stopped to think he was old enough to be a grandfather. But, of course he would be. He was ancient. Didn't they just talk about that this afternoon?

He had turned away from her, completely frustrated. He had his hand in his hair again.

Neither one of them talked for a moment. He looked back at her and noticed her stunned face as he sat down on a bench. He considered her for a moment. He crossed his arms and glared at her.

"I never dreamed I would have my parenting choices questioned thousands of years later, and by you of all people, Rose Tyler. You've never been a parent, grandparent or whatever. I can't explain it. You just know. I wanted the best for her. David was what was best for her! I can't even believe I'm explaining this!"

"I'm sorry, I didn't know she was your granddaughter." Rose told him. "You never mentioned that last night. I thought she was just a companion like me."

She walked over and sat next to him on the bench.

"What the hell did I tell you last night? This whole thing of not remembering what I said is so disarming. This entire few days have been so strange!"

"You fell out of the bed, and when I went to help you back into the bed you wanted to lay in the floor a bit more. You said the room was spinning. I told you that I thought you were drunk and you insisted that you were fine. I told you to prove it to me and asked you what was in the box. You told me that you had decided you would tell me, but not then. Then you said I would leave you if I found out. Then I asked you who your first companion was. You told me you don't talk about her, but that you had crashed and been frozen for all of that time together. You told me that she married David when she left, and that you had told her to go. They had four children, one named Alexander."

"No, just Alex." he corrected her.

"You said she was a Time Lady that had came from Gallifrey with you. You took her because there was nothing left for you there. You said that she always saw the best in humans and would be shocked as hell to see us together."

He laughed under his breath. "Yeah, she would. It would have knocked her socks off. She would have never guessed this in a lifetime." He rested his elbows on his knees and rubbed his hands together as he looked down at the ground.

"Susan is a Gallifreyan name?" Rose asked.

He leaned back and looked at her, "No, it's not. That wasn't her real name. She was known by something else on Gallifrey."

"Like you were?" she asked him.

"Woooo. Dangerous question there, Rose Tyler." he smiled at her. "No, I was the Doctor on Gallifrey. Susan was known by something else. She was called Arkytior."

"Arkytior?" Rose pronounced slowly.

He nodded his head. "Yeah. Arkytior."

Rose was astonished. "That is beautiful."

"She was. Crazy teenager. Her music drove me crazy. Always listening to John Smith and the Common Men. They were popular when we first came to Earth. She would blast it through the speakers on the TARDIS."

"John Smith? Like your name you use?" Rose asked him.

He rested his elbows on his knees and nodded his head. "Yeah. She came up with that. Plus, she told me it was very common. I was trying to fit in. I was sure we would get found out. She was fearless. Enrolled in a school to learn more about Earth and the people here. Imagine that, Rose. Going to another planet...completely foreign to you, and enrolling in a school with the people there. She knew way more than her teachers, so it caused some problems."

"She named the TARDIS too. She came up with that. She said it stood for "Time and Relative Dimension in Space. She was very clever."

Rose chuckled under her breath. "I never knew."

He leaned back and looked at her. "Of course you didn't. I never talk about it."

"Too painful?" she asked him.

He nodded his head to confirm it was and said, "Grief never ends, but it changes. It's a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith. But it is the price of love."

"That's beautiful." Rose whispered to him.

"I think about her all the time. Probably more than anything else. I suppose that's the reason I was so quick to talk about her to you last night."

"I could feel that you felt very secure with me last night. That was wonderful to know you trust me that well."

He put his arm around her and pulled her in close. "I do trust you, Rose. Probably more than I've ever trusted anyone else. I suppose that's the reason I'm so scared to lose you."

"Sweetheart, you aren't going to lose me. Go on, and tell me what's in the box. I promise I won't be mad." Rose told him.

He shook his head. "You can't promise that."

"I can."

"No, you really can't." he assured her.

"Okay, then tell me why you decided you didn't want to tell me. What's the worst case scenario we are looking at here?"

"That is won't work and I'll disappoint you again. I can't bear to be the cause of anymore of your unhappiness. I just can't." he told her as he looked back at the night sky over New York.

"Being unhappy is just part of life, Doctor. You have to have the bad in order to recognize the good." she told him.

He looked at her face, "That's true. When did you get so clever, Rose Tyler?"

She smiled and leaned into him, "I'm full of surprises."

"Oh alright. Well. Before I tell you, know that I'm not sure if I can get it to work. There is a strong possibility that it will die before it is fully grown-"

"What are you doing? Cloning yourself?" Rose teased him.

He smiled and shook his head, "That would be a lot easier than this."

"Also, know that I'm done running away from things. I'll never run away again, especially from you. No matter what. I'm yours as long as you'll have me. That's important." He looked at her. "That's the most important thing. You believe me don't you?"

"I know I told you I would worry about that, but you know... I do believe you. It's like something I can't explain."

"I can't live without you, Rose. I'm not leaving you. I only have a short time left and I want it all to be with you."

"Oh, stop talking like you are dying. That's what that sounds like." Rose told him.

"It's true. Might as well be. I probably have less than fifty years in this rubbish body. We have to face the facts. But, you believe that I won't leave you. Right?"

"I believe you." she told him.

"Before I left the TARDIS, Donna and I were standing in the hallway. A piece of the coral grew out and Donna broke it off and handed it to me. I've been growing it in the box."

"Growing a piece of the TARDIS?" Rose asked him, confused.

"No, growing an entire TARDIS." the Doctor told her.

"They aren't built? It's a machine."

"No, it's a living thing. TARDIS's are grown. They take years to grow." the Doctor explained.

"So, let me get this straight. You are growing a TARDIS in your box. That's your super secret experiment? Why don't you think it will work?"

"I didn't say that. I said it is very possible that it might not work. I'm growing it at a very high, accredited growth so it will be ready as soon as possible. That way I can take you away from here. Someplace safe."

Rose shook her head as she leaned away from him. "I can't even believe this. Really?"

The Doctor returned to resting his elbows on his knees. "Yeah, really. When you told me the other night that you heard it, I decided I would have to tell you. Your telepathy is so strong, it is reaching out to connect with you. And honestly, you'll have to connect to it because it will end up being yours."

"Why mine?" Rose was stunned.

"Because you will outlive me. I'll have to teach you to pilot it, if you want. But, you can finally be safe."

"Doctor. I'm floored. But, isn't that the same bit of thinking that got us into this mess here?"

He looked down at the ground and rubbed his hands together. "Well, that's true. Haven't thought of that."

"If you are speeding up the growth, you're doing it artificially aren't you?" Rose asked him.

He had forgotten she probably really did understand a lot more of this than he was giving her credit for.

"Yeah, I am. That's the reason I'm having to keep such a close eye on it."

"And so far..." Rose inquired.

"I've been really surprised. It's been going great. It seems to like the box. It's growing really well."

"Slow down the growth." Rose told him seriously.

"What? Why?" the Doctor asked as he leaned back to face her.

"This is the only shot you have at this. You are growing it and probably pushing the limits on what you should be doing. Things take time. You're not used to waiting and you are too impatient. Slow down the growth."

He ran his hand through his hair, "Rose, it's already going to take about 17 months before it will be done-"

"But the risk is too high. This is the only shot you have at this Doctor! It would be safer to slow down the growth, and not push it too quickly!" Rose told him.

He sighed. "But, Rose. I need to take you away from this place. It's not safe! You don't understand."

"You are running away, again. That's exactly what you are thinking! No. I'm serious. I think it sounds reckless. Slow down the growth. We can wait for years if we need to. The TARDIS always had problems. You were always fixing it. And now you are growing one that is going to be damaged because of how it was rushed?"

"My TARDIS was ancient. Older than me!" he told her.

"You didn't grow that one, did you?" Rose asked him.

"No, I stole it from a repair yard."

"Well, that explains a great deal." she chuckled.

"Hey!" He sounded insulted.

She took him by the hand, and looked him in the eyes. "Slow it down. Some things are worth waiting on. This will be good for you to learn now. You can't just jump to the next time in your life. Some things have to come naturally."

He took both of his hands out of hers and ran them through his hair in frustration. "Ugh... Rose!"

He sat back on the bench and looked at the New York sky line. She leaned into his shoulder, and he put her arm back around her. They sat there for a while enjoying the view. The Doctor was brooding next to her.

After a long while, Rose asked him. "Do you ever look at the stars anymore?"

He shook his head. "No. I try not to."

"Why not? That's really sad."

"I imagine we probably see different things when we look at the sky. You see the stars and the moon. Planets, adventure. Let's see...we're in the this time period so there is..." he pointed up at the sky as he explained, "A war being lost there, a black hole threatening an entire civilization there, a war beginning over there..." He ran his hand through his hair. "And I can't help them."

Rose could feel his sadness at his confession.

"I've never thought of it that way. I suppose that is how you would see it."

He waved his hand. "They will sort it out. Time Lords never existed here. I should probably keep my nose out of their business. But from so far away, everything does seem to be perfect. I envy you, Rose. I wish I could see the universe the way you do."

"You have a great grandson. You probably have more family spread out in the universe as well." she realized.

He shook his head as he looked down at the ground. "He never had any children. He was the last. Susan wanted me to take him back to Gallifrey. She wanted him to go to the Academy there. But, he only had one heart because he was half human. He would never have been accepted. I wouldn't do it. Then, the Dalek's invaded and killed Alex. Survived the plague only to die in battle." he gritted his teeth at the memory.

"When you came here that first time... Susan was with you, wasn't she?"

"Yeah, she was." he said.

"Her Gallifreyan name is so beautiful. What does it mean?" Rose asked him.

He started to laugh under his breath next to her. She turned to look at his face. He was rubbing his face with one of his hands. Then, he stopped and bit his index finger as he appeared to be in thoughtful disbelief.

"Well, how about that?" he said to quietly, mostly to himself. "In all of these years, I've never thought about that."

Rose looked skeptically at him. "What?"

He chuckled and didn't remove his finger from his mouth. "You will never believe it." he told Rose as he smiled.

Rose looked at him, questionability.

The Doctor leaned over and kissed her quickly on the lips. " Arkytior means Rose in High Gallifreyan."

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