Seattle | November 2019
Damon, with a glance to the almost deserted main floor of the bar, rushed through to the office in the back. He threw his leather jacket onto a chair in the corner and booted up his work computer. His head was buzzing with ideas ever since he and Elena returned from their Halloween trip to Mystic Falls. Bar business was notoriously slow in the middle of the week and Damon didn't like that the bar was hemorrhaging money on those nights. Dot had suggested to close shop on Mondays and half the staff Tuesdays through Thursdays to cut the cost but Damon was focused on turning those evenings into profitable ones. He'd been working like crazy the last few weeks, doing research, checking out what the competition did better, filling notebooks with ideas and generally annoying his staff with his bursts of excitement. Elena, too. She had started banishing him from the apartment whenever he got into one of his frenzied moods.
He glanced at the time. The night shift staff would come in in a few hours and he wanted to share his plans with them when they arrived. He texted Dot and asked Elena to be there as well and went back to work.
Damon paced up and down behind the bar, commanding everyone's attention as his employees sat along the bar stools, following his excited pacing with their eyes. Damon looked a bit manic as he threw out words like unlimited free pizza with drink package purchase on Tuesdays, karaoke Wednesdays, and dice the price cocktails on Thursday. Admittedly, they were all great ideas but would mean much more work for the staff, especially the people doing the planning and coordinating. Which mostly meant Dot.
Elena glanced at her. By the way she was throwing daggers at Damon's unstoppable enthusiasm, Elena guessed he hadn't discussed any of it with her beforehand. She leaned closer. "Admit it, how badly do you want to slap him right now?" Elena asked the woman in a hushed tone.
Dot didn't take her eyes from Damon but replied, "You have no idea."
"I do," Elena replied. She tilted her head and watched her husband. "He does have a very slappable face, doesn't he?"
Dot snorted a laugh. "I wouldn't know."
Elena sighed wistfully. "Well, I do. Trust me. He does; I speak from experience."
Dot finally turned her face on Elena. "Do tell."
"Ladies," Damon addressed Elena and Dot, "I may not be able to hear you anymore but I can see your lips moving which means somebody's not listening to me."
"Anymore?" Dot whispered under her breath.
Elena rose and quickly hurried to Damon's side. "Damon, honey," she said with fake sweetness and only loud enough for him to hear, "these people are all picturing your slow and painful death right now. Slow down."
Damon stopped in his tracks to consider. And to notice the expression on his staff's faces. Maybe Elena was right.
"Why don't we start with one thing, see how it goes. Before we add another, huh?" Dot suggested. "I really like the throw the dice for your price cocktail thingy. Do we use a standard dice or a custom made one? Thursday, you said? Let's start with that."
Damon nodded, slightly surprised.
"See? I was listening. Multi-tasking is a real thing, boss. That's why women are the superior species. That and we don't usually carry our brains between our legs but that's a different story." She rose from the stool too and ushered the waiting staff to their tasks. "Shoo, go on, go change. Shift starts in 10 minutes." To Elena she said, "Can you please take him home, honey? Don't want him to get a heart attack before he's even turned 30."
Elena didn't comment on the fact that Damon had left 30 behind a long time ago. She smiled up at her husband, hoping to entice him away from the bar for the rest of the night. Damon let himself be pulled away.
"Tomorrow's Wednesday. Remember to stock up on—"
Elena shushed Damon as he tried to call out last minute instructions while she steered him towards the exit and up the stairs to their apartment. With a finger across his lips, she said, "She knows. Let her do her job or she's going to poison your drink one of these days."
"I just—"
"You're micromanaging," Elena cut him off again. "Learn to delegate if you want to avoid a mutiny. You've got good people down there. Trust them to do their job."
"Yes, but they're not Je—" This time, he cut himself off.
Elena raised an eyebrow. "Je-? Jeremy?" She grinned widely at him. "Are you telling me you miss working with my little brother?"
"No," Damon mulishly replied.
"You totally do," Elena teased. "Aww, that's so sweet. Hold on," she said, pulling out her phone, "I need to text this to Jeremy."
He snapped the phone out of her hand and slipped it into his own pocket. With a sigh, he said, "If I promise not to annoy my staff so much anymore, do you promise not to tell Little Gilbert?"
Elena lifted onto her tiptoes and pressed her lips briefly to his. "Deal. Though I do think you should find something to balance out the work-related stress."
"Like what?"
"I don't know. Something that'll get you away from the desk. And the bar."
Damon thought about it. Maybe Elena was right. He used to move about way more before he became a human. A human business owner. All this sitting around and staring at a computer screen all day couldn't be healthy. He'd never before understood the idea of a gym – but maybe that's what people did to compensate? He'd need to look into that.
"What's all this?" Damon froze in the middle of the doorway a few days later. A table was set up in the middle of the room, complete with candles and fancy cloth napkins, and there was music playing softly in the background.
"A little something to celebrate our anniversary."
Damon turned towards her voice and saw her coming down the stairs. "Stop," he commanded softly.
Elena frowned but did what he asked. "Why? What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong." Damon's eyes traced her from head to toe. She was dressed simply, comfortably: an oversized sweatshirt that reached to mid-thigh and was so big on her that it slipped off one shoulder, and thick woolen socks on bare feet. "Just taking a mental picture."
Elena tilted her head sideways but didn't say anything. She came down and Damon met her at the foot of the stairs.
"I thought you were too busy to celebrate."
"I am," Elena said. She was swamped with school and for that reason they decided not to make a big deal out of it. But even though he understood and would never say anything to the contrary, Elena knew that Damon would have been bummed. After all, he had spent their last four anniversaries alone.
But she not only lacked the time to do something nice, she also seemed to lack ideas. So she had conscripted her friends to help her.
"I think with all this medicine stuff I've been cramming, there's no more space inside my head for anything else," Elena complained to her friends on a skype call.
"Med school – one. Elena – zero."
"Ha, ha, Bonnie." Elena grimaced. "Come on, guys, I need help. Please?"
"Well, what do you have so far?" Caroline tried to be helpful.
"Haven't you been listening? Nothing."
"Okay, okay," Bonnie cut in, taking pity on her best friend. "Let's start with a list. What does Damon like?"
"Bourbon," Caroline replied at the same time as Elena said, "Wine."
"See, Elena," Bonnie said, "that's already half your menu for the dinner part of the event."
Elena glared at her – or rather at the tiny camera above her screen, not finding it as funny as the other two women seemed to. To get them back on track, she listed, "Dancing. He likes dancing. And clothes. Also shopping. His car."
"Elena," Caroline said.
"Yeah?"
"No," Caroline replied. "That's going on the list of things Damon likes. You."
"Road trips," Bonnie added, "cooking."
"I know he cooks, but does he actually like it?" Caroline asked, surprised.
"He's actually pretty good," Elena replied. "I think he enjoys it more than he admits."
"Huh," Caroline said. "Okay, what else? Oh, this house." Elena watched on the screen as Caroline motioned to her surroundings.
Bonnie nodded. "He does love the house, doesn't he?"
"Not sure if it's the house or all his things he left behind in it," Caroline replied.
"Yeah," Elena muttered to herself, an idea forming in her head. What she had in mind wasn't really feasible for the upcoming anniversary – they would have to wait for nicer weather. But maybe it was something they could plan for her spring break. It was also the time when business at the bar was expected to die down almost completely, what with all the students gone. Yeah, that would work. Going to Mystic Falls for a visit, Damon's Camaro, a road trip across the country. Damon would most definitely love that.
For their anniversary however, she'd have to resort to the classics.
A short time after that skype call, Damon, seeing how swamped with school stuff Elena was, suggested they not do anything extravagant. He would be perfectly happy with an evening at home. They could still celebrate later, when school went on winter break.
But not doing anything seemed wrong as well. So Elena had moved some of the things in her schedule around and used the time while he was covering a shift at the bar to set up a nice dinner. The original plan had included to also throw on a nice dress, but her study group meet-up ran late and so, clearly, that was not happening. "That's why I didn't have time to get dressed up, even though I wanted to. But I didn't want you to think that the date doesn't mean anything to me. Because it does."
"I know, babe. But you didn't have to do this."
"We still need to eat, don't we? I just made it a little bit fancy."
Damon's face showed a horrified expression. "You didn't cook it yourself, did you?"
She leaned back slightly within the ring of his arms. "Okay, first, I'm not that bad in the kitchen and I don't appreciate everyone insinuating that I am."
"And you definitely never set one on fire," Damon muttered under his breath.
"That was once. And besides, it was only an almost fire. Plus, nobody got hurt. Anyway, as I was saying," she continued with a glower, "What was I saying? Oh right. Secondly, no. I ordered online from a restaurant that came recommended to me."
"Now I love you even more," he said and smiled.
She decided to ignore his obvious relieved exhale and said, "Let's eat," pulling him towards the set table. She lit the candles while he opened the bottle of wine.
"I spoke to Caroline today; told her we won't be flying in for Thanksgiving or Christmas," Elena said during dinner.
"Has she threatened to kill and maim your professors and offered to compel you a passing grade?"
"Only twice," Elena replied cheerfully.
"Wow. She's getting better," Damon commented.
After a short pause, Elena said in an apologetic tone, "It won't be like this forever. It's just this program. Squeezing four years of studies into three is… challenging. But as soon as it's over, I promise I'll make it up to you."
"Stop apologizing. Or do you hear me complaining?"
"You don't complain," Elena admitted. "You're being absolutely perfect and understanding. Which makes me feel even guiltier."
"If you want, I can yell at you from time to time," Damon offered.
"Would you? I think that would be helpful."
"Hey, if that's what it takes," Damon replied, doing his best impression of a selfless martyr. "Just let me know when would be convenient for you." He sent a huge grin her way.
Elena smiled and set down her knife and fork, having finished her meal. She came around the table and sat in Damon's lap. "So," she drawled, "I have something for you."
Damon looked very interested. A sole finger skimmed her skin from her clavicle all across the bare shoulder, stopping at the strap of a bra. "Is this new?" he mused, sliding a finger under the shiny, silver strap, inspecting it. He didn't think he'd seen that one before.
"Okay, two somethings," she said.
"We said no gifts."
"It's not a gift. More like… a reminder." She got up to retrieve it and Damon protested her walking away from him. She returned with a box that she had stashed on the shelf behind the books earlier and held it out to him.
Instead of taking the gift, Damon pulled Elena back into his lap. "It's a shoe box," he said. "You got me shoes?"
"Yes," Elena mocked. "I saw these absolutely adorable peeptoes in the window and had to think of you."
Damon chuckled at that and lifted the lid off the box. It was filled with dozens of small envelopes. He looked questioningly at Elena.
"Okay, so these are supposed to be sealed. Or folded up and tied with a bow or something. And they're supposed to go in a jar. But I had no time to pretty them up. Also, I thought you should be able to pick what you wanted instead of being surprised, so I left them unsealed."
"I don't understand."
"They're an insurance, sort of. Or a promise. That you, no, that we will always come first. No matter how crazy things get, or how difficult, or messed up, I will always put you and me first. These are just suggestions," she said, opening some of the envelopes and showing them to him. One read, weekend road trip. Another, movie night. Romantic dinner for two. Day hike (that one had a vomiting smiley next to it). "You can add your own. And whenever you or I feel like the world is closing in on us, or like there's not enough time for us anymore, or," Elena paused, swallowing hard before she continued because the thought was almost unthinkable, "…or we feel like we're drifting apart, one of us can come back to this box, pick an envelope, and the other must accommodate the wish. Even if it means canceling plans, moving a schedule around, whatever. Things from this box have eternal priority."
Damon just stared at her and Elena began to twitch nervously.
"You think it's stupid," she mumbled.
"No," Damon whispered, taking her face between his hands. "I think the box is not big enough for all the things I want to do with you."
"We can do anything you want. This box is just for the hard times, you know? For when we lose track of what's important." She remembered their fight during the first week of semester. She never wanted a repeat of that.
"Like the note you gave me in the cab?"
"Yeah. I actually got inspired by that."
"Alright," Damon agreed easily. "But why all the precautions?"
"Maybe I don't trust the universe as much as I pretend to. Maybe I'm a little bit scared. I just don't ever want to lose you, Damon."
"Never gonna happen," Damon mumbled right against her lips and kissed her. "Not as long as I have a say in it."
Hours later, Elena gently lifted Damon's arm and slipped out of bed. She couldn't sleep. Even though she was exhausted, her mind was restless, thoughts churning in her head.
Quietly moving to the vanity behind the divider, she ran cool water over her wrists and splashed some on her face. Rising up, she met her own eyes in the mirror above the sink. She stared at her own reflection for a long time. She couldn't see too clearly because she hadn't bothered with the overhead light, not wanting to wake Damon, but even with the faint city lights and weak moon coming in through the window she could see the dark rings under her eyes.
Damon thought she was running herself ragged trying to catch up with her studies. And he wasn't exactly wrong. But Elena knew that what really bothered her wasn't the demanding classes or the taxing schedule. She looked down her body, and sighed deeply, closing her eyes. Not wanting to look at herself anymore, she turned her back to the mirror and leaned against the vanity.
She focused on her breathing, a technique she learned in yoga, trying to relax, and to listen inwards. But all she could hear was her own failure and all she felt was hollow, like her body was betraying her, and after a few moments Elena grabbed a towel from the hook in the wall and aggressively dried her hands and face, forcing herself to get a grip on herself.
She wished for Damon's optimism, his confidence. She knew he worried about her and it made her feel even worse. She wanted to be there for him, like he had always been there for her. But instead, she was adding to his worry lines. He had enough on his plate with struggling to streamline all the things at Bar None and finding his footing in the business world. She felt like she was letting him down there, too.
Elena shook herself. If it was just her – something she had to come to terms with for herself, then she'd be able to deal. She would focus on Damon and on how happy he made her and that would be enough. But she knew that he wanted children, too. Because he'd told her and because she could see it in the way he sometimes looked at her and in the wistful smiles as he watched Alaric play with his daughters. Wasn't that why they were here in this new life in the first place? Elena's heart ached and guilt nagged at her, like she'd broken a promise.
She wanted to talk to her mom.
For the millionth time, Elena wondered if she should talk to her friends. If the doctors were right and there was nothing wrong with her physically, then maybe it was a supernatural thing? Would Bonnie be able to help? But Bonnie had enough on her plate already. Elena didn't want to bother her.
Something on the sideboard on the opposite side of the room lit up with a blue-ish glow. Her phone, Elena realized and walked over to check the display.
A message from Bonnie lit up the screen, as if her best friend could feel that Elena was thinking about her.
Elena smiled and opened the message. She frowned at the length; Bonnie wasn't big on texting. This message though could have easily filled an entire letter. Elena started reading, smile slipping as she moved from paragraph to paragraph. When she was done, she read through the whole message a second time.
There were a lot of apologies and explanations about why she was sharing this in a text instead of delivering the news in person. There were pleas not to ask her to change her mind. There were assurances that yes, she had thought this through, and no, giving up her powers was not too high a price to pay to get Enzo back. Which was exactly what she was going to do and please don't try to convince her otherwise. She could live without her powers; she could not live without the man she loved.
Elena sank down to the floor and clutched her phone under her chin. She dialed Bonnie's number but the call went straight to voicemail. Elena didn't bother leaving a message. After a short pause, she hit reply on the text and simply wrote,
I'm here for you, in case you need to talk. I promise not to ask questions.
Lifting her head, Elena looked at Damon and tried to imagine a life without him. The idea alone made her hands shake with panic. Not having him next to her in bed – that thought was unfathomable. She understood Bonnie better than her friend imagined. If Elena had any powers at all, she'd give them up in a heartbeat if that was what it took to get Damon back. She'd give up a lot more than that, even.
Children? A voice in her head whispered. Closing her eyes, Elena nodded. Yes, if she had to.