But I wanna start by saying Honeymaren was attached to Elsa because of Eleazar because of the imprint Wolf's inprint 90 percent of the time to preserve the wolf blood line now with Clair it's different he took on a Mother role because shes so young so she fell for his mother instead.but Eleazar is half vampire he's growing really fast.
ELSA'S POV
im so sorry, Olaf. I should have been closer."
Anna was still apologizing, and I didn't think that was either fair or appropriate. After all, Anna hadn't completely and inexcusably lost control of her temper. Anna hadn't tried to rip Honeymaren's head off- Honeymaren who wouldn't even phase to protect herself - and then accidentally broken Olaf's shoulder and collarbone when he jumped in between. Anna hadn't almost killed her best friend.
Not that the best friend didn't have a few things to answer for, but, obviously, nothing Honeymaren had done could have mitigated my behavior.
So shouldn't have been the one apologizing? I tried again.
"Olaf, I - "
"Don't worry about it, Elsa, I'm totally fine," Olaf said at the same time that Anna said, "Elsa, love, no one is judging you. You're doing so well."
They hadn't let me finish a sentence yet.
It only made it worse that Anna was having a difficult time keeping the smile off her face. I knew that Honeymaren didn't deserve my overreaction, but Anna seemed to find something satisfying in it. Maybe she was just wishing that she had the excuse of being a newborn so that she could do something physical about her irritation with Honeymaren, too.
I tried to erase the anger from my system entirely, but it was hard, knowing that Honeymaren was outside with Eleazar right now. Keeping her safe from me, the crazed newborn.
Frederic secured another piece of the brace to Olaf's arm, and Olaf winced.
"Sorry, sorry!" I mumbled, knowing I'd never get a fully articulated apology out.
"Don't freak, Elsa" Olaf said, patting my knee with his good hand while Ann rubbed my arm from the other side.
Olaf seemed to feel no aversion to having me sit beside him on the sofa as Frederic treated him. "I'll be back to normal in half an hour," he continued, still patting my knee as if oblivious to the cold, hard texture of it. "Anyone would have done the same, what with Honeymaren and Elso - " He broke off mid-word and changed the subject quickly. "I mean, at least you didn't bite me or anything. That would've sucked."
I buried my face in my hands and shuddered at the thought, at the very real possibility. It could have happened so easily. And werewolves didn't react to vampire venom the same way humans did, they'd told me only now. It was poison to them.
"I'm a bad person."
"Of course you aren't. I should have - ," Anna started.
"Stop that," I sighed. I didn't want her taking the blame for this the way she always took everything on herself.
"Lucky thing Elson - Eleazar's venomous," Olaf said after a second of awkward silence. '"Cause he bites Honeymaren all the time."
My hands dropped. "he does?"
"Sure. Whenever she and Raps don't get dinner in her mouth fast enough. Raps thinks it's pretty hilarious."
I stared at him, shocked, and also feeling guilty, because I had to admit that this pleased me a teensy bit in a petulant way.
Of course, I already knew that Eleazar's venomous. I was the first person she'd bitten. I did make this observation aloud, as I was feigning memory loss on those recent events.
"Well, Olaf," Frederic said, straightening up and stepping away from us. "I think that's as much as I can do. Try to not move for, oh, a few hours, I guess." Frederic chuckled. "I wish treating humans were this instantaneously gratifying." He rested his hand for a moment on Olaf's black hair. "Stay still," he ordered, and then he disappeared upstairs. I heard his office door close, and I wondered if they'd already removed the evidence of my time there.
"I can probably manage sitting still for a while," Olaf agreed after Frederic was already gone, and then he yawned hugely. Carefully, making sure not to tweak his shoulder, Olaf leaned his head against the sofa's back and closed his eyes. Seconds later, his mouth fell slack.
I frowned at his peaceful face for another minute. Like Honeymaren, Olaf seemed to have the gift of falling asleep at will. Knowing I wouldn't be able to apologize again for a while, I got up; the motion didn't jostle the couch in the slightest. Everything physical was so easy. But the rest...
Anna followed me to the back windows and took my hand.
Liam was pacing along the river, stopping every now and then to look at the house. It was easy to tell when he was looking for his brother and when he was looking for me. he alternated between anxious glances and murderous glares.
I could hear Honeymaren and Rapunzel outside on the front steps bickering quietly over whose turn it was to feed Eleazar. Their relationship was as antagonistic as ever; the only thing they agreed on now was that I should be kept away from my baby until I was one hundred percent recovered from my temper tantrum. Anna had disputed
their verdict, but I'd let it go. I wanted to be sure, too. I was worried, though, that my one hundred percent sure and their one hundred percent sure might be very different things.
Other than their squabbling, Olaf's slow breathing, and Liam's annoyed panting, it was very quiet. Cassandra, Alice, and Arianna were hunting. Jasper had stayed behind to watch me. He stood unobtrusively behind the newel post now, trying not to be obnoxious about it.
I took advantage of the calm to think of all the things Anna and Olaf had told me while Frederic splinted Olaf's arm. I'd missed a whole lot while I was burning, and this was the first real chance to catch up.
The main thing was the end of the feud with Kristoff's pack - which was why the others felt safe to come and go as they pleased again. The truce was stronger than ever. Or more binding, depending on your viewpoint, I imagined.
Binding, because the most absolute of all the pack's laws was that no wolf ever kill the object of another wolves imprinting. The pain of such a thing would be intolerable for the whole pack. The fault, whether intended or accidental, could not be forgiven; the wolves involved would fight to the death - there was no other option. It had happened long ago, Olaf told me, but only accidentally. No wolf would ever intentionally destroy a brother that way.
So Eleazar was untouchable because of the way Honeymaren now felt about him. I tried to concentrate on the relief of this fact rather than the chagrin, but it wasn't easy. My mind had enough room to feel both emotions intensely at the same time.
And Kristoff couldn't get mad about my transformation, either, because Honeymaren - speaking as the rightful Alpha - had allowed it. It rankled to realize over and over again how much I owed Honeymaren when I just wanted to be mad at her.
I deliberately redirected my thoughts in order to control my emotions. I considered another interesting phenomenon; though the silence between the separate packs continued, Honeymaren and Kristoff had discovered that Alphas could speak to each other while in their wolf form. It wasn't the same as before; they couldn't hear every thought the way they had prior to the split. It was more like speaking aloud, Olaf had said. Kristen could only hear the thoughts Honeymaren wanted to share, and vice versa. They found they could communicate over distance, too, now that they were talking to each other again.
They hadn't found all this out until How had gone alone - over Olaf's and Liam's objections - to explain to Kristoff about Eleazar; it was the only time he'd left Eleazar since first laying eyes on her.
Once Kristoff had understood how absolutely everything had changed, he'd come back with Honeymaren to talk to Frederic. They'd spoken in human form (Anna had refused to leave my side to translate), and the treaty had been renewed. The friendly feeling of the relationship, however, might never be the same.
One big worry down.
But there was another that, though not as physically dangerous as an angry wolf pack, still seemed more urgent to me.
Agnarr.
He'd spoken to Arianna earlier this morning, but that hadn't kept him from calling again, twice, just a few minutes
ago while Frederic treated Olaf. Frederic and Anna had let the phone ring.
What would be the right thing to tell him? Were the Cullens right? Was telling him that I'd died the best, the kindest way? Would I be able to lie still in a coffin while he and my mother cried over me?
tt didn't seem right to me. But putting Agnarr or Iduna in danger of the Volturi's obsession with secrecy was clearly out of the question.
There was still my idea - let Agnarr see me, when I was ready for that, and let him make his own wrong assumptions. Technically, the vampire rules would remain unbroken. Wouldn't it be better for Agnarr if he knew that I was alive - sort of - and happy? Even if I was strange and different and probably frightening to him?
My eyes, in particular, were much too frightening right now. How long before my self-control and my eye color were ready for Agnarr?
"What's the matter, Elsa?" Jasper asked quietly, reading my growing tension. "No one is angry with you" - a low snarl from the riverside contradicted him, but he ignored it - "or even surprised, really. Well, I suppose we are surprised. Surprised that you were able to snap out of it so quickly. You did well. Better than anyone expects of you."
While he was speaking, the room became very calm. Olaf's breathing slipped into a low snore. I felt more peaceful, but I didn't forget my anxieties.
"I was thinking about Agnarr, actually."
Out front, the bickering cut off.
"Ah," Jasper murmured.
"We really have to leave, don't we?" I asked. "For a while, at the very least. Pretend we're in Atlanta or something."
I could feel Anna's gaze locked on my face, but I looked at Jasper. He was the one who answered me in a grave tone.
"Yes. It's the only way to protect your father."
I brooded for a moment. "I'm going to miss him so much. I'll miss everyone here."
Honeymaren,I thought, despite myself. Though that yearning was both vanished and defined - and I was vastly relieved that it was - she was still my friend. Someone who knew the real me and accepted her. Even as a monster.
I thought about what Honeymaren had said, pleading with me before I'd attacked him. You said we belonged in each other's lives, right? That we were family. You said that was how you and I were supposed to be. So... now we are. It's what you wanted.
But it didn't feel like how I'd wanted it. Not exactly. I remembered further back, to the fuzzy, weak memories of my human life. Back to the very hardest part to remember - the time without Anna, a time so dark I'd tried to bury it in my head. I couldn't get the words exactly right; I only remembered wishing that Honeymaren were my Sister so that we could love each other without any confusion or pain. Family. But I'd never factored a daughter into the equation.
I remembered a little later - one of the many times that I'd told Honeymaren's goodbye - wondering aloud who she would end up with, who would make her life right after what I'd done to it. I had said something about how whoever he was,
he wouldn't be good enough for her.
I snorted, and Anna raised one eyebrow questioningly. I just shook my head at her.
But as much as I might miss my friend, I knew there was a bigger problem. Had Kristoff or Jared or Quil ever gone a whole day without seeing the objects of their fixations, Emily, Kim, and clairs mom? Could they? What would the separation from Eleazar do to Kristoff? Would it cause her pain?
There was still enough petty ire in my system to make me glad, not for her pain, but for the idea of having Eleazar away from her. How was I suppose to deal with having her belong to Honeymaren when she only barely seemed to belong to me?
The sound of movement on the front porch interrupted my thoughts. I heard them get up, and then they were through the door. At exactly the same time, Frederic came down the stairs with his hands full of odd things - a measuring tape, a scale. Jasper darted to my side. As if there was some signal I'd missed, even Liam sat down outside and stared through the window with an expression like he was expecting something that was both familiar and also totally uninteresting.
"Must be six," Anna said.
"So?" I asked, my eyes locked on Rapunzel, Honeymaren, and Eleazar. They stood in the doorway, Eleazar in Rapunzel's arms. Raps looked wary. Honeymaren looked troubled. Eleazar looked beautiful and impatient.
"Time to measure Elso - er, Eleazar " Frederic explained.
"Oh. You do this every day?"
"Four times a day," Frederic corrected absently as he motioned the others toward the couch. I thought I saw Eleazar sigh.
"Four times? Every day? Why?"
"he's still growing quickly," Anna murmured to me, her voice quiet and strained. She squeezed my hand, and her other arm wrapped securely around my waist, almost as if she needed the support.
I couldn't take my eyes off Eleazar to check her expression.
he looked perfect, absolutely healthy. His skin glowed like backlit alabaster; the color in his cheeks was rose petals against it. There couldn't be anything wrong with such radiant beauty. Surely there could be nothing more dangerous in her life than her mother. Could there?
The difference between the child I'd given birth to and the one I'd met again an hour ago would have been obvious to anyone. The difference between Electric an hour ago and Eleazar now was subtler. Human eyes never would have detected it. But it was there.
His body was slightly longer. Just a little bit slimmer. His face wasn't quite as round; it was more oval by one minute degree. His ringlets hung a sixteenth of an inch lower down his shoulders. he stretched out helpfully in Rapunzel's arms while Frederic ran the tape measure down the length of him and then used it to circle her head. she took no notes; perfect recall.
I was aware that Honeymaren's arms were crossed as tightly over her chest as Anna's arms were locked around
me. His heavy brows were mashed together into one line over his deep-set eyes.
he had matured from a single cell to a normal-sized baby in the course of a few weeks. he looked well on her way to being a toddler just days after her birth. If this rate of growth held...
My vampire mind had no trouble with the math.
"What do we do?" I whispered, horrified.
Anna's arms tightened. She understood exactly what I was asking. "I don't know."
"It's slowing," Honeymaren muttered through her teeth.
"We'll need several more days of measurements to track the trend, Honeymaren. I can't make any promises."
"Yesterday he grew two inches. Today it's less."
"By a thirty-second of an inch, if my measurements are perfect," Frederic said quietly.
"Be perfect, Doc," Honeymaren said, making the words almost threatening. Rapunzel stiffened.
"You know I'll do my best," Frederic assured her.
Honeymaren sighed. "Guess that's all I can ask."
I felt irritated again, like Honeymaren was stealing my lines - and delivering them all wrong.
Eleazar seemed irritated, too. he started to squirm and then reached hiz hand imperiously toward Rapunzel. Rapunzel leaned forward so that Eleazar could touch his face. After a second, Raps sighed.
"What does he want?" Honeymaren demanded, taking my line again.
"Elsa, of course," Rapunzel told her, and her words made my insides feel a little warmer. Then she looked at me. "How are you?"
"Worried," I admitted, and Anna squeezed me.
"We all are. But that's not what I meant."
"I'm in control," I promised. Thirstiness was way down the list right now. Besides, Eleazar smelled good in a very non-food way.
Honeymaren bit hee lip but made no move to stop Rapunzel as she offered Eleazar to me. Jasper and Anna hovered but allowed it. I could see how tense Raps was, and I wondered how the room felt to Jasper right now. Or was he focusing so hard on me that he couldn't feel the others?
Eleazar reached for me as I reached for her, a blinding smile lighting his face. She fit so easily in my arms, like they'd been shaped just for his. Immediately, he put her hot little hand against my cheek.
Though I was prepared, it still made me gasp to see the memory like a vision in my head. So bright and colorful but also completely transparent.
he was remembering me charging Honeymaren across the front lawn, remembering Olaf leaping between us. he'd seen and heard it all with perfect clarity. It didn't look like me, this graceful predator leaping at his prey like an arrow arcing from a bow. It had to be someone else. That made me feel a very small bit less guilty as Honeymaren stood there defenselessly with her hands raised in front of her. Her hands did not tremble.
Anna chuckled, watching Eleazar's thoughts with me. And then we both winced as we heard the crack of Olaf's bones.
Eleazar's smiled her brilliant smile, and her memory eyes did not leave Honeymaren through all the following mess. I tasted a new flavor to the memory - not exactly protective, more possessive - as he watched Honeymaren. I got the distinct impression that she was glad Olaf had put himself in front of my spring. She didn't want Honeymaren hurt. she was his.I am so pissed this cannot be.Why did he have to be more intelligent than a normal baby. Why did he have to understand his vampire side more than human.
"Oh, wonderful, I groaned. "Perfect."
"It's just because he tastes better than the rest of us," Anna assured me, voice stiff with her own annoyance.
"I told you she likes me, too," Honeymaren teased from across the room, her eyes on Eleazar. Her joking was halfhearted; the tense angle of her eyebrows had not relaxed.
Eleazar patted my face impatiently, demanding my attention. Another memory: Rapunzel pulling a brush gently through each of her curls. It felt nice.
Frederic and his tape measure, knowing she had to stretch and be still. It was not interesting to her.
"It looks like she's going to give you a rundown of everything you missed," Anna commented in my ear.
My nose wrinkled as she dumped the next one on me. The smell coming from a strange metal cup- hard enough not to be bitten through easily - sent a flash burn through my throat. Ouch.
And then Eleazar was out of my arms, which were pinned behind my back. I didn't struggle with
Jasper; I just looked at Anna's frightened face.
"What did I do?"
Anna looked at Jasper behind me, and then at me again.
"But he was remembering being thirsty," Anna muttered, her forehead pressing into lines. "he was remembering the taste of human blood."
Jasper's arms pulled mine tighter together. Part of my head noted that this wasn't particularly uncomfortable, let alone painful, as it would have been to a human. It was just annoying. I was sure I could break his hold, but I didn't fight it.
"Yes," I agreed. "And?"
Anna frowned at me for a second more, and then her expression loosened. She laughed once. "And nothing at all, it seems. The overreaction is mine this time. Jazz, let her go."
The binding hands disappeared. I reached out for Renesmee as soon as I was free. Anna handed her to me without hesitation.
"I can't understand," Jasper said. "I can't bear this."
I watched in surprise as Jasper strode out the back door. Liam moved to give him a wide margin of space as he paced to the river and then launched himself over it in one bound.
Eleazar touched my neck, repeating the scene of departure right back, like an instant replay. I could feel the question in his thought, an echo of mine.
I was already over the shock of his odd little gift. It seemed an entirely natural part of his, almost to be
expected. Maybe now that I was part of the supernatural myself, I would never be a skeptic again.
But what was wrong with Jasper?
"He'll be back," Anan said, whether to me or Eleazar, I wasn't sure. "she just needs a moment alone to readjust her perspective on life." There was a grin threatening at the corners of his mouth.
Another human memory - Anna telling me that Jasper would feel better about himself if I "had a hard time adjusting" to being a vampire. This was in the context of a discussion about how many people I would kill my first newborn year.
"Is she mad at me?" I asked quietly.
Anna's eyes widened. "No. Why would she be?"
"What's the matter with hee then?"
"She's upset with himself, not you, Elsa. She's worrying about... self-fulfilling prophecy, I suppose you could say."
"How so?" Frederic asked before I could.
"She's wondering if the newborn madness is really as difficult as we've always thought, or if, with the right focus and attitude, anyone could do as well as Anna. Even now - perhaps she only has such difficulty because he believes it's natural and unavoidable. Maybe if she expected more of herself, she would rise to those expectations. You're making her question a lot of deep-rooted assumptions, Anna."
"But that's unfair," Frederic said. "Everyone is different; everyone has their own challenges. Perhaps what Elsa is doing goes beyond the natural. Maybe this is her gift, so to speak."
I froze with surprise. Eleazar felt the change, and touched me. She remembered the last second of time and wondered why.
"That's an interesting theory, and quite plausible," Anna said.
For a tiny space, I was disappointed. What? No magic visions, no formidable offensive abilities like, oh, shooting lightning bolts from my eyes or something? Nothing helpful or cool at all?
And then I realized what that might mean, if my "superpower" was no more than exceptional self-control.
For one thing, at least I had a gift. It could have been nothing.
But, much more than that, if Elsa was right, then I could skip right over the part I'd feared the very most.
What if I didn't have to be a newborn? Not in the crazed killing-machine sense, anyway. What if I could fit right in with the Cullens from my first day? What if we didn't have to hide out somewhere remote for a year while I "grew up"? What if, like Frederic, I never killed a single person? What if I could be a good vampire right away?
I could see Agnarr.
I sighed as soon as reality filtered through hope. I couldn't see Agnarr right away. The eyes, the voice, the perfected face. What could I possibly say to him; how could I even begin? I was furtively glad that I had some excuses for putting things off for a while; as much as I wanted to find some way to keep Agnarr in my life, I was terrified of that first meeting. Seeing his eyes pop as he took in my new face, my new skin. Knowing that he was frightened. Wondering what dark explanation would form in his head.
I was chicken enough to wait for a year while my eyes cooled. And here I'd thought I would be so fearless when I was indestructible.
"Have you ever seen an equivalent to self-control as a talent?" Anna asked Frederic. "Do you really think that's a gift, or just a product of all her preparation?"
Frederic shrugged, 'it's slightly similar to what Siobhan has always been able to do, though she wouldn't call it a
gift."
"Siobhan, your friend in that Irish coven?" Royal asked. I wasn't aware that she did anything special. I thought
it was Maggie who was talented in that bunch."
"Yes, Siobhan thinks the same. But she has this way of deciding her goals and then almost... willing them into reality. She considers it good planning, but I've always wondered if it was something more. When she included Maggie, for instance. Liam was very territorial, but Siobhan wanted it to work out, and so it did."
Anna, Frederic, and Rapunzel settled into chairs as they continued with the discussion. Honeymaren sat next to Olaf protectively, looking bored. From the way his eyelids drooped, I was sure he'd be unconscious momentarily.
I listened, but my attention was divided. Eleazar was still telling me about her day. I held her by the window wall, my arms rocking her automatically as we stared into each other's eyes.
I realized that the others had no reason for sitting down. I was perfectly comfortable standing. It was just as restful as stretching out on a bed would be. I knew I would be able to stand like this for a week without moving and I would feel just as relaxed at the end of the seven days as I did at the beginning.
They must sit out of habit. Humans would notice someone standing for hours without ever shifting her weight to a different foot. Even now, I saw Rapunzel brush her fingers against her hair and Frederic cross her legs. Little motions to keep from being too still, too much a vampire. I would have to pay attention to what they did and start practicing.
I rolled my weight back to my left leg. It felt kind of silly.
Maybe they were just trying to give me a little alone time with my baby - as alone as was safe.
Eleazar told me about every minute happening of the day, and I got the feeling from the tenor of his little stories that he wanted me to know her every bit as much I wanted the same thing. It worried her that I had missed things - like the sparrows that had hopped closer and closer when Honeymaren had held her, both of them very still beside one of the big hemlocks; the birds wouldn't come close to Rapunzel. Or the outrageously icky white stuff - baby formula - that Frederic had put in her cup; it smelled like sour dirt. Or the song Anna had crooned to her that was so perfect Eleazar played it for me twice; I was surprised that I was in the background of that memory, perfectly motionless but looking fairly battered still. I shuddered, remembering that time from my own perspective. The hideous fire...
After almost an hour - the others were still deeply absorbed in their discussion, Olaf and Honeymaren snoring in harmony on the couch - Eleazar's memory stories began to slow. They got slightly blurry around the edges and drifted out of focus before they came to their conclusions. I was about to interrupt Anna in a panic - was there something wrong with him? - when his eyelids fluttered and closed. he yawned, his plump pink lips stretching into a
round O, and his eyes never reopened.
his hand fell away from my face as she drifted to sleep - the backs of her eyelids were the pale lavender color of thin clouds before the sunrise. Careful not to disturb her, I lifted that hand back to my skin and held it there curiously. At first there was nothing, and then, after a few minutes, a flickering of colors like a handful of butterflies were scattering from her thoughts.
Mesmerized, I watched her dreams. There was no sense to it. Just colors and shapes and faces. I was
pleased by how often my face - both of my faces, hideous human and glorious immortal - cropped up in her unconscious thoughts. More than Anna or Rapunzel. I was neck and neck with Honeymaren; I tried not to let that get to me.
For the first time, I understood how Anna had been able to watch me sleep night after boring night, just to hear me talk in my sleep. I could watch Renesmee dream forever.
The change in Anna's tone caught my attention when she said, "Finally," and turned to gaze out the window. It was deep, purply night outside, but I could see just as far as before. Nothing was hidden in the darkness; everything had just changed colors.
Liam, still glowering, got up and slunk into the brush just as Alice came into view on the other side of the river. Alice swung back and forth from a branch like a trapeze artist, toes touching hands, before throwing her body into a graceful flat spin over the river. Arianna made a more traditional leap, while Cassandra charged right through the water, splashing water so far that splatters hit the back windows. To my surprise, Jasper followed after, his own efficient leap seeming understated, even subtle, after the others.
The huge grin stretching Alice's face was familiar in a dim, odd way. Everyone was suddenly smiting at me - Arianna sweet, Cassandra excited, Rapunzel a little superior, Frederic indulgent, and Anna expectant.
Alice skipped into the room ahead of everyone else, her hand stretched out in front of her and impatience making a nearly visible aura around her. In her palm was an everyday brass key with an oversized pink satin bow tied around it.
She held the key out for me, and I automatically gripped Eleazar more securely in my right arm so that I could open my left. Alice dropped the key into it.
"Happy birthday!" she squealed.
I rolled my eyes. "No one starts counting on the actual day of birth," I reminded her. "Your first birthday is at the year mark, Alice."
Her grin turned smug. "We're not celebrating your vampire birthday. Yet. It's September thirteenth, Elsa. Happy nineteenth birthday!"