CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

(BPOV)

We danced until there was no other couple left on the floor but us and I basked in the closeness and his warmth a bit longer, before we were interrupted by the waiter kindly asking if we were ready to place our dinner orders.

We both settled on the steak alfredo and it was delicious. By the time we'd finished our meals, I was finishing my third glass of wine and starting to feel the effects of it. We laughed together. We talked together. We got lost in conversation in a way we hadn't in so very long and I couldn't wipe the smile off my face when the waiter returned to check and see if we wanted dessert.

"I like the looks of the three layer chocolate mousse cake you have on special tonight." Jacob admitted, his raised eyebrow expression making me laugh when he noted the way my eyes went wide from this.

"You have room!?" I sighed in disbelief, feeling utterly stuffed myself.

Jacob peered back at me with a look that said it all and I nodded in agreement as the waiter jotted the order down and then scurried off toward the crowded kitchen.

"You have to at least take a few bites with me." He hedged, catching my hand again from across the dimly lit table.

"I'll try, but I make no promises. I am so full. That alfredo was delicious."

"Yeah, it was. They serve a good cut of steak, too." He complimented. "I'll have to tell Leah and Gentry about this place so they can try it out sometime soon for themselves."

"That's a good idea. I'm sure they'll love it."

Jacob glanced down at his phone then, seeing the screen light up with an incoming message.

"Speak of the devil-... his ears must be burning."

"Is everything alright with Billy and the kids? Hope they're not giving them too much trouble?"

"No, he says they're having a great time. Even sent a picture."

"Good." I sighed in true relief. "Clarissa has missed Billy so much. I'm sure they've enjoyed every minute together."

"I hope so. They have something special those two."

The waiter soon returned with the cake Jacob had requested for dessert and I chuckled at the huge piece of rich chocolate heaven now in front of him.

"Okay, so it didn't look this big in the picture on the menu." He sighed, patting his stomach with a guilty glance my way.

"Slide it over and I'll help you, but you're probably gonna have to take it home." I lightly teased. "I think your eyes were a little bigger than your remaining appetite."

"Definitely."

Jacob slid the dessert dish forward and scooped some of the frosting off the top with his spoon, before he held it out to me with a nod.

"Oh, so I get to taste it first?"

"Ladies first, honey." He hedged, bringing the spoon to my lips. I licked it clean and had to agree that it was one of the best chocolate cakes I'd ever tasted thus far.

"Wow- that's really good."

Jacob dug in and took a big bite, his nod of agreement then the only reply he could offer as he chewed.

"You're right, it is good, but I've tasted better."

I balked aloud at this, unable to hide my shocked amusement from him.

"Please, do tell me where you've tasted something better than that cake."

The blush that crept into his cheeks made me pause then, silently cherishing the sight of it in his still young face, despite his true age this year.

"Do you really wanna know?" He huskily whispered, and the very tone of his voice had me soon blushing myself.

"I meant actual food...-" I replied, my words only that of a faint whisper as he took another bite and then grinned.

"So did I." He innocently feigned. "Well, partially. It was a mixed answer. I meant that your cooking is some of the best food I've ever had. For example, your chocolate cream pie can't be beat by any other, and as far as the rest goes...-" He pushed the cake aside and reached his hand out, hurriedly taking hold of my chair, and scooting me over so I was right next to him before he finished his prior thought, his warm lips at my ear now. "-I've never tasted anything sweeter than you, honey. Nothing compares."

I blushed again and held his rich gaze, while the few remaining couples dining around us left the restaurant with their leftovers in hand.

"Flattery will get you everywhere." I teased him in return, as my lips barely grazed his.

"It's true."

"I think you might be just a bit biased."

"No way." He huffed. "I speak only the truth here."

I rested my forehead against his and closed my eyes with my heartfelt reply.

"I've loved this tonight. This whole afternoon. Spending time with you. It's been something I've greatly missed."

"Me too, Bells. Me too." He hedged, softly capturing my lips in a kiss that made the slight chill on my skin fade away as if it was never there.

We ate all we could of the cake and asked for a small doggy bag for the rest.

Jacob finished paying the bill and reached for my hand as we headed for the car, our steps slowing while we crossed the lot, and spotted a small family heading in with their newborn son held snugly in his carrier. The mothers smile was wide as she looked up at her husband, tucking in the thin blanket around his tiny and fragile frame as they went along.

I stilled my walk as my eyes followed after them unwillingly, the sight of their newfound joy making me look on in silent awe and recall how scared I was to take the twins anywhere at first. Those days felt so long ago now. How was it possible that they were growing so fast. Part of me wished time would slow down just a bit, but I knew what a futile and impossible wish that was.

I felt Jacobs hand tighten in mine as he looked on with me until the happy family was inside the restaurant and being seated.

I released his hand and saw the worry cross his face when he opened my door for me to leave.

"I'm okay." I assured him once he started the engine and pulled away from Altura.

"It's okay if you're not, honey. It really is."

"There's not a day that goes by where I don't think about it, or ask myself why it had to happen the way it did." I quietly admitted to him. "Sometimes, I wonder what they would have looked like. He or she. Do you ever think about what they might have been like?"

"All the time, honey. All the time." He gruffly stated. "Doesn't seem possible to miss someone you never even knew, does it? I think that's the hardest part."

"I think it is, too. It's the wondering and never knowing that's hardest for me some days."

Jacob drew in a sharp breath and exhaled slowly, his hands wrapped tightly around the steering wheel with the concentrated gaze fixed on the road ahead when he spoke again.

"Well, I picture what they would have looked like all the time. I've seen it in my dreams before. I always envision a little girl."

I opened my mouth then and dared to ask the question I'd wanted to since we'd lost the baby months ago.

"What does she look like to you, Jake?"

He peered over at me with real hesitation lingering there in his darkened stare.

"I don't know if telling you that will hurt you and that's the last thing I want to do, Bells."

"I wanna know...-please."

He swallowed thickly and pulled the car over as we crossed the line back into Forks, the anxious tension in his body now visible with his words to me.

"Okay-... If you're sure?"

"I'm sure, Jake."

"In my dreams, she's beautiful, with doe eyes just like yours and skin that matches mine...-a smile that captivates any room."

I felt my heart clench painfully from this and I heard his profound silence then as we sat there by the edge of the road.

Minutes went by before I could bring myself to voice my own feelings. Jacob didn't push, he simply waited there with me, his concerned gaze watching my reaction while his fingers intertwined with mine.

"That's what I picture her like, too. Just as you described. I've never seen her clearly in my dreams though. Just pictured her in my thoughts."

"I do, too."

"Do you think that will ever stop? That we'll ever stop wondering what might have been?"

"I don't know that we should truly want it to, honey. I have mixed emotions on that."

"Me too."

"It's okay that we're still stumbling our way through this. I'm pretty sure it's normal even." He assured with a weary look my way.

"Normal seems like the exact opposite of what it should be some days. I keep waking up in the morning, part of me hoping that it won't be the very first thing I think about the moment my eyes open, but then the other part of me is scared for that day to come, too. Like, if that did happen, that would somehow mean we'd forgotten all about them, all about what should have been."

Jacob nodded in understanding and touched my cheek.

"What if we did something to help keep that memory alive but without focusing on the pain of it so much?" He offered, his voice low and laced with sincerity. "I've been thinking a lot about this lately, but I haven't found the right way to say it to you."

"I'm listening." I told him. "Whatever it is."

"How would you feel about us planting a tree in the yard in memory of them? Something that would grow every year, something we could see and touch. So it's tangible? We could even plant a special flower garden under it."

His idea had fresh tears forming in my eyes as I pondered the suggestion.

"I think I love that idea. For something good and promising to grow out of that loss."

"We could do it all together, a little bit at a time." He sighed. "The kids could help with the garden. I'm sure they'd love that."

"I think they would, too." I agreed, drying my tears and glancing at the road ahead. "Do you think there's still time to take the scenic route the rest of the way home?" I questioned.

"I think so."

I gazed quietly out the window as we headed back for the Reservation, my mind already envisioning what the beautiful garden and tree would soon flourish to be in our yard.