Even as the hall filled up with nobles as introductions progressed, people generally avoided us. Although I did hear a couple of girls whispering to each other,

'Did you see Laureliana's dress? It's exactly like Queen Lucy's!'

'Is that the fashion now? How stupid we must all look. How do you think she of all people got a dress like that?'

I went to tell Aurie this, but before I had even begun a fanfare blared. The Kings and Queens appeared a the end of the hall and everyone swept aside to bow. They paraded past, Peter escorting Susan and Lucy on Edmund's arm. Edmund held his head high and kept his eyes fixed in front of him. The silver crown on his head glinted in the light. I chewed on my lip, wishing I could retract my agreement to perform. He did not look like one inclined to mirth. But when I reflected for just a moment, I knew that wasn't true. Edmund revelled in jests and banter. I couldn't let his public face or the stuffiness of the Island nobles let me forget that. As we went to the amphitheatre, I fanned out my cape and left Aurie and Uncle behind as I marched to the stage.

I twirled the prop sword they had given me while I waited for my entrance. Although the epic was abbreviated to just the parts where King Gale battled the dragon, the tradition was that the Lord of Lionshaim (or his nearest relative) appear only in the final battle scene. So I waited while Peridan and Gale set off, while they hunted the dragon. Then the moment of the dragon fight came, and three actors snaked out onto the stage in a massive costume. As they danced in front of the audience to show the costume work, the actor playing Peridan ran backstage. I went to step out, but he stopped me and unclasped the scarlet tunic from my shoulders to replace it with the blue. Then he thrust me out onto the stage.

I stared up at the fabric dragon's mouth and beyond to the crowd of blank faces.

'Father, is the dragon scary? It looks so scary!' I cried as I leapt into his arms after a performance.

He laughed. 'It is a bit. But then I remember that this is our destiny, and all I can do is fight the dragon.'

'My good young sir,' cried the actor playing King Gale, calling me out of my memories, 'I beg of you turn back. The beast is too much. I cannot let you lay down your life.'

I drew a breath and reflexively raised my prop shield to the dragon, which was shaking orange silk streamers of fire in my face. I recited as I had been taught, but as I spoke the words started to ring with meaning:

'I have sworn I am with you, Sire, and so I will be
From this moment of danger when we stand in the fire
Until the hour when Father Time awakes
And the stars rain down and the sea turns to ice.
I will fight to the end with this sword
When it breaks I shall use my shield
And thereafter mine own two hands.
If in this fight Aslan sees fit to call me home
I can go to his country knowing
I have given my all in this battle.'

An impulsive fit seized me. I was going to have fun with this, and perform as if only Edmund were watching. I twirled my stage sword and using my fancier fighting moves. I thought I heard some applause. I wondered if Edmund was laughing at me or laughing at my antics or laughing at all. Eventually, the fabric beast lay in a heap. I gave a lopsided smile and turned to kneel before the player king.

He bent to raise me up, and I found myself looking into Edmund's face.

'Don't look so surprised,' he said. 'You're not the only one who can take to the stage.' Then he turned and projected his lines.

'I am humbled before such bravery.
For thy sword hath been my aid and thy shield hath shielded me,
Thy bravery and comraderie have helped me win this day.
So they make me Emperor of the Islands
And thus unto you, I grant a lordship in Narnia.
Mayest thou grow and prosper in the shadow of Cair Paravel
That I might always find thy friendship in arm's reach.'

As soon as Edmund stepped into the light and his voice rang out, the crowd recognised him and gave a deafening cheer. I thought I might have been the only one to hear his lines. He held my gaze as he said them. Then the play drew to a close: we bowed, the actors bowed. I thought it was over, but then Peter was striding onto the stage. I shot Edmund a quizzical look; he answered with one of suppressed mirth.

Peter raised his arms to quiet the applause. Edmund nudged me forward. 'Good people of these Islands,' Peter began, using that ringing voice which could command an army or address an entire population, 'As you have just seen, the connections between the Narnian throne and the House of Lionshaim go back many hundreds of years. Recently, they have been further strengthened by the valour of Sir Peridan, who on the field of battle saved my royal brother King Edmund's life.' He had to pause here, for the common people erupted in cheers. The nobles at the front watched in silence. I couldn't read their expressions beyond the torchlight blazing before me.

I wished I could slink away, and Edmund must have noticed because he whispered in my ear, 'What, do you think you can consign yourself to a life of anonymity now that your great deed is done? It doesn't work that way, my friend. Trust me.'

'We were most honoured to receive the invitation to the upcoming tournament,' Peter continued in his address, 'But of course we cannot fight our own citizens who have been so loyal and faithful to us. Therefore, we have ordained that Sir Peridan shall be our champion in this tournament, and fight in our stead under our banner, as his ancestor did so many years before.'

Here he turned and bowed to me, while Edmund replaced the costume blue cloak with the scarlet. He gave me a clap on the back. I sank into a low bow. I felt all the eyes of the nobles on me, but I would not look a them.

When the ball proper began, some people offered me cursory congratulations. Uncle declared I looked like a fool of a popinjay on the stage. Aurie didn't know what to say, and was further floored when Peter asked her for a dance. I nudged her forward. Her hand was trembling as she placed it in Peter's but he offered her his warmest smile and soon made her laugh.

My heart was hammering so hard I felt a bit sick and dizzy. I decided to take myself out of the centre of the party and get a glass of wine and some fresh air.

But of course the gauntlet continued, for I found a knot of my old schoolmates standing by the pitchers of wine, Gormal in the centre. I balanced the risks and benefits of both ignoring and hailing him. I could not decide on which strategy was more beneficial, so I settled for giving him a half nod before turning to a waiter to fill my goblet.

'Here he is,' Gormal boomed. 'The King's champion, reincarnation of his ancestor. We're lucky to be in your presence, your most eminent lordship. Are you really deigning to mix with us commoners?'

'Something like that,' I said over my shoulder. The goblet was full, so I made to leave.

Gormal stepped in front of me. 'What did you do?' He asked with narrowed eyes. 'How did you pull the wool over their eyes when everyone on these Islands knows you for what you are?'

I kept my eyes on the dark wine in my glass and said nothing, but I broke out into a cold sweat.

'Maybe he's done more for the King than just save his life, if you follow. Maybe he's saved the king's life and given him pleasure,' Rehan said, grinning at his own insinuation. 'After all, we know that's really all Peridan is good for.'

'Shame,' Taran said, joining our conversation. 'These are our holy monarchs, anointed by Aslan. We do not joke about their Majesties as being such base sinners. And even Peridan may have reformed his ways,' he said. 'I have been praying that this is so.'

I clenched and unclenched the fingers of my free hand and drew in a breath through my nose.

'He's overcome by your compassion!' Gormal cried, and there was another chorus of laughter.

'Careful, Taran—you don't want to be too kind to him and have him take it the wrong way!'

Amidst this, a voice said at my shoulder, 'Come on. Let's go outside.' I turned and saw Simar holding a bowl of candied fruit and chocolate and his own goblet of wine. Gormal and his friends were so absorbed in their jokes that they did not even notice my slipping away.

Simar led me outside and we sat together on a stone bench in the cooler air. We sat in silence for a few minutes, picking through the bowl for our favourite bits and drinking wine. I observed him through my lashes. Simar had never been slender—his awkward phase had been made of more pudginess than gangliness. That had evened out now to a roundness which told of a life of well kept luxury. It suited him in a way it would not have suited me.

'As you can see, Taran hasn't changed,' Simar said with a snort.

'Mmm. As much a self righteous prig as ever,' I replied, and he laughed a bit.

'Remember when his family came from Archenland and we all wanted to be friends with him?' Simar said.

I smiled with half my mouth. 'I tried so hard, only to have him lecture me about that stupid card game not being out of fashion. But it was—we had all finished with it the year before and he was trying to bring it back because he was behind the times in Archenland.'

'You caught him out, and you were his rival. Two major sins,' Simar observed, combing through the bowl for more chocolate.

'He didn't see me as a rival,' I protested.

'He absolutely did,' Simar replied at once. 'You may not have been popular, but he knew you were cleverer than him, and naturally better than him at almost everything. He couldn't stand it.'

I wanted to protest, but I could see the truth in what Simar was saying. I fell silent a moment, and then I changed tack. 'I did not think you would have been my saving grace back there. The last time I saw you, you cursed me to a life of misery.'

Simar looked up quickly, his eyes round and his cheeks full of candied fruit. He looked a bit like a Talking Squirrel, but in an endearing way. I smiled to let him know this was not unkindly meant, and he relaxed.

'Yes—well. I was rather upset that day.'

'I know. I think I treated you unkindly. Unfairly. It isn't your fault,' I said, picking out pieces of lemon and orange peel and lining them up on the stone bench.

'No more than it is yours,' Simar said, a deep significance to his tone.

I ate one of the pieces of lemon, letting the sweetness and the bitterness roll over my tongue. 'I see you didn't die. That was another of your predictions.'

He wrinkled his nose. 'I am more robust than I give myself credit for.' Here he patted himself on the stomach, and I laughed. I was remembering all the reasons I had kissed him. He had an equanimity that I envied. 'I see I am bad at cursing people. It doesn't seem like you've had a life of misery after all. Knighthood suits you.'

I started making a pattern with pieces of lemon and orange pieces. 'Thank you. It has been an interesting road to take.' I settled for bland statements, because I could not sum up what I had been through in any meaningful way. I kept making my pattern.

'You're married,' I observed, nodding to the ring on his finger.

'Just in this past year.'

'Are you—happy?' I studied him closely. I wanted him to be happy. He deserved that much.

'I suppose,' he said.

'There you are!' Simar and I both turned to see Edmund standing there, wide eyed and a bit breathless. Simar leapt to his feet to make a bow, sloshing wine out of his cup. I remembered myself after a moment and Simar to Edmund.

Edmund sat beside me, and I passed him my cup without thinking so that he might have some. He leaned over my shoulder to look at my mosaic peel pattern. 'What are you doing?'

I swept up the bits of peel and shoved them in my mouth. 'Nothing,' I said through them, giving him a smile. He pursed his mouth and proceeded to drink half the goblet. I took it back from him with a rueful look. 'Why have you decided to grace us with your presence?' I asked. 'We are on the fringes of the party.'

'Good. It's absolutely mad in there. I haven't had a moment to breathe—girls keep coming up to me. Then I have to ask them to dance because of manners and such. But then when I dance with them they want to prattle on about the strangest subjects. I finally had to run away.' He leaned over me to pick a couple of piece of chocolate from our bowl, and I felt my insides turn over as his body hovered over mine.

'Ah. I think I may know something about that,' I said as he sat back and I could speak again. I took the pamphlet Aurie had from my pocket pressed it to his chest.

'What is this supposed to be?' He demanded, his brow furrowing as his eyes ranged over the paper.

'Some notes for how to win your heart,' I told him.

'My sister Acantha bought one of those,' Simar observed, but his comment went unnoticed.

Edmund jumped up. 'What?!' He held the paper at arm's length.

'Didn't you know all the Islanders think you're a most eligible man?' I said, snatching the paper from him. 'And therefore you must be in search of a wife. One who—' I scanned the paper, 'Is womanly and sweet of ways.'

He pulled a face. 'Ugh. That sounds like Susan, not like someone I'd want to marry.'

'But what if she sang Calormene songs to you?' I inquired. 'Apparently that is something you cannot resist.'

'Watch me,' Edmund retorted.

I warbled at him, 'You are the light of my world, there is no light without yours, the sun is but a candle...'. I stepped towards him and he stepped away, but it was a moment too late, so that instead of backing away, it rather felt like we were dancing.

He laughed. 'That doesn't even rhyme!'

I pretended to pout. 'So you're not impressed with the song? I paid seven crescents for a pack of lies!'

He laughed again, tipping his head back. I forgot all about Simar. I thought of taking him in my arms and kissing his throat, so I bit down hard on my lip. Edmund's laughter died away, and he looked at me. Some shadow seemed to pass over his face and he sighed. I nearly stepped closer still, but he spoke in his ironic tone again, 'If they're thinking of winning my heart, they've got to sing better songs.'

I took out a pencil and pretended to scribble this on the paper. 'Better songs. And what else?'

He snatched the pencil off me. 'Really, Peridan. I wouldn't have put you in league with them,' he said, his tone still dry.

'I believe in accuracy, is all,' I said, making an unsuccessful swipe for the pencil.

'Well, my good lord, I am sure that you could both draw a more accurate likeness and write a more accurate description. But then I'd also expect you not to sell the secrets to my heart for a scant seven crescents.' He rolled up the paper and tapped my shoulder smartly with it.

Edmund was called back inside then and I watched after him as he disappeared into the crowd. Behind me, Simar gave a low whistle.

'In love with the King. Leave it to you to find the most dangerous object for your affections.' He shook his head.

I whirled around. 'Shut up. That's treasonous, and it's not—'

'Not true? Please. I'm not stupid, Peridan. I saw that. I'm surprised he hasn't reacted yet.'

My hands started to shake. I couldn't stop them. 'I suppose it's easy for you, now that you've changed.'

Simar barked a derisive laugh. 'You think I've changed?'

'You're married,' I said.

'Married, unmarried—I am who I am. I still think about you, for starters.'

I drew in a sharp breath. 'Simar—'

'It's alright. I know it's hopeless.' He shrugged with one shoulder.

I bit my lip. 'Have you...been with other men?'

'Peridan. You're very handsome and all, but you're not the only man on these islands.'

I laughed a bit. 'Fair point.'

'What about you?' Simar asked.

I shook my head. 'I daren't.'

'And now you're in love with the king.'

'Shh! Don't say it out loud. Nobody can know. Not a soul—especially not King Edmund,' I hissed.

'You know he might be like us,' Simar observed.

'You're being perverse,' I frowned. That cold sweat was back. 'He isn't, and it's stupid to think he might be. Stupid and dangerous.'

'You can say that, if it makes you feel better. But watch him and see if I'm not right.'

I had so many questions for Simar—who he had been with, how he had known these men were like us, what they had even done together. How I could know about Edmund. But he clunked his goblet against mine and glided inside.

I stayed outside a few more minutes, and started to make another pattern. But soon I heard Taran's voice nearby so I went inside. For a moment I was lost. I could see my old school mates laughing together still. In another corner, Uncle stood talking with some of the other lords, no doubt wheedling some business deal. Aurie was giggling with a small knot of her friends. I wondered if I went over there would they be in awe of my success or as derisive as everyone else. In the centre of the room, a small knot of nobles bowed and left a conversation with the monarchs, at which point Lucy waved me over. I went to them, feeling like I was wading through mud. I wanted to be closer to Edmund to better examine him, but equally I was terrified.

As I joined the group, Peter was saying 'What's all this I hear about you being in the warrior's dance, Ed?'

'Yes, it seems everyone is talking about it,' Lucy observed.

'Oh. That must have been what I agreed to. I wasn't really listening to the governor properly,' Edmund said, taking a swig of wine as if this were no matter.

I choked on a laugh and pressed my fist to my mouth to hold it back. This served very well to distract me from my troubles.

Edmund wheeled on me. 'What's so funny?'

I shook my head, unable to speak for fear of laughing. Finally I composed myself enough to say, 'The dance opens every tournament. It is a long standing tradition in the Islands, going back to before the Time of Exile. You honour the people by performing it.'

'Then why,' Edmund said, stepping closer to search my face, 'Do you look so merry about it?'

'There is a costume,' I replied, my voice full of repressed laughter, 'And a series of complicated steps.' I was very amused by the idea of Edmund performing such a showy dance, but I could see he was getting annoyed. He hated to be wrong footed. 'I shall give you a lesson, and then you will be better prepared. We can have it in the practice yard—that has better ground for falling than the hall.' I winked, and Edmund looked bemused and more irritated. I bit back another laugh.

'I think we will all need to see this lesson,' Peter declared, and his eyes were merry.

Lucy and Peter continued to tease Edmund, enjoying having the upper hand with him for once. I stood with them, sometimes teasing Edmund a bit, sometimes offering a comment in his defence. The guffaws of Gormal and his fellows sometimes drifted across the dance floor, and I looked over at them. Funny, I thought. Everything was funny. Funny I felt more at home with these supposed foreigners than with people I had known from birth. Funny I could ruin it all with a single word or a single gesture. Funny that every time I resigned myself to heartbreak, some mad glimmer of hope persisted. I watched Edmund and tried to read his face, tried to understand how mad I was to even entertain Simar's words. But he was too busy being grumpy, and I could divine nothing.