Chapter 25 - Coping
When Zuko once again woke up in the middle of the night, drenched in cold sweat and feeling horrified by the very thought of trying to resume sleeping, he wasn't even sure which one of his recurring nightmares was to blame this time. It could have been one from about two dozen, there was certainly no shortage of choices. The ones that haunted him the most were the echoes of the screams of the men being boiled alive after their sabotaged gondola had fallen into the scalding waters of the Boiling Rock. Or the one where flames leapt from his fingertips and incinerated Mai, melting flesh from her bones... that was another constant favorite of his that ensured he got very little sleep, if any at all.
Knowing that trying to resume sleeping was a doomed effort, Zuko stumbled out of his bedroom, into the corridor and downstairs, making his way into the dark living room. He used his firebending to quickly light a pair of wall sconces, then jumping as he realized that he wasn't alone in the living room, a huddled shape sitting on one of the sofas, Suki, with knees pulled tight against her chest.
"Damn it, Suki, you gave me a scare," Zuko let out a withheld sigh. At his words, Suki turned towards him, her face ghostly pale and haunted. "Is everything alright?" he asked, feeling stupid the moment those words left his lips. "Obviously not... nightmares?"
Suki nodded wordlessly as he sat down on the sofa, a little distance from her. "It's like... every time I close my eyes, I see the face of that man, his eyes bulging like they were about to burst... the death of Yon Rha keeps replaying before my eyes over and over again," she said in a hollow voice. "I mean... I understand Katara's anger, but... damn."
"I know what you mean," Zuko nodded at her sympathetically. "I think we all have a large supply of nightmarish memories to choose from."
"And like Katara said, there will be more," Suki shuddered. "Shit... I haven't been with you all that long, and it's already starting to get to me."
"There's no shame in that, Suki," Zuko spoke soothingly, moving a little closer towards her.
"I'm just not sure how much of this I can take before I reach my breaking point," Suki swallowed heavily.
"I know you're stronger than you think, Suki," Zuko smiled at her, inching even closer, now sitting by her side. "Having a shoulder to lean on can help, too," he offered.
Suki hesitated for a moment, but then leaned in against him. She still shuddered a little, not fully comfortable when he put his arm around her shoulder, but then she relaxed and her breathing began to even out. "This is absurd, you know that, don't you?" she managed a grim chuckle. "A week ago, I was still in my cell on the Boiling Rock, making a list of people I wanted to inflict pain on for what they had done to me and my sisters. You were pretty high on that list, Zuko. And now... now you're here and I'm letting you comfort me. It's crazy."
"Life can be funny that way," Zuko remarked. "I'm sure if my uncle was here, he'd dazzle us with some insightful proverb on the matter."
Suki snorted, a little amused, but the feeling didn't last. "This is so fucked up, Zuko. I can't be the only one who realizes this," she said.
"No, you're right," Zuko agreed. "It is as you say. Fucked up."
"It's just not fair. It shouldn't be on us!" Suki began to sob as he pulled her a little tighter against himself. "We're just kids! I mean... fuck, you're the closest we have to a responsible adult, and you were our enemy only just recently! This is crazy... I don't even know how Toph and Katara are coping."
"Not well," Zuko sighed deeply. "Although... Toph is still so young that I feel like she sometimes treats it all almost like a game, like she's not completely aware of the consequences of her actions. And sometimes it feels like she understands it only too well, but just doesn't care. But I know that she's hurting all the same."
"And Katara... she's changed so much," Suki whispered. "Her eyes used to be so warm and comforting, and when she looked at you, you began to feel full of hope. I guess Aang's death must have taken all that away." Zuko nodded, swallowing a lump in his throat. "I'm not sure if I should be afraid of her, or for her."
"We need to be there for each other more than ever before," Zuko said. "And we need to finish this off before... before it gets much worse."
"How do you plan to accomplish that?" Suki asked. Zuko had no answer to that. Not yet, at least. "Spirits, I just feel so useless at times. I'm just a silly girl, swinging my sword and thinking that I'm accomplishing something. At least Ozai is right to fear your bending."
"You're incredibly important to us, Suki," Zuko tried to reassure her. "You're just as good with your sword as Sokka, and we wouldn't have made it this far without him. And you can freely gather information for us, which is incredibly important right now. Trust me... we really need you with us, Suki. This group needs all four of us."
"Thanks..." there was gratitude in her voice. "You know... I'm having trouble connecting you with the same jerk who burned down my entire village. You're very much alright, Zuko."
"I'd like to think that I've changed quite a bit," Zuko smiled, then freezing when he spotted another figure standing by the living room doors, looking on at him and Suki on the sofa. "Katara?" he called out to her, but she didn't react. Zuko wondered if she had perhaps misinterpreted his and Suki's bonding moment as something romantic. "Katara, come join us, please," he repeated, more insistently.
With a soft patter of bare feet against the wooden floorboards, Katara all but ran up to them and threw herself onto the sofa, pressing tightly against Zuko from the other side. "Nasty nightmare?" Suki asked, even if they all already knew the answer.
"Very unpleasant," Katara choked out. It sounded like she had done a fair bit of crying back in her room.
"Sometimes it helps to talk about it, I've heard," Zuko remarked encouragingly.
"From your uncle, I bet," Katara replied. "I'm just... not ready to talk about it yet. I simply... can't be alone, right now."
"I think we all feel that way, Katara," Suki spoke gently. "At least Toph is getting some rest." As if on cue, a muffled cry coming from Toph's room broke the silence. "Well, shit..."
"I'll go check in on her... sorry..." Zuko apologized as he disentangled himself from the two girls, watching them immediately pull close to each other, seeking comfort. With a bittersweet smile on his lips, he left the living room, heading straight for Toph's bedroom.
"I can't believe I'm saying this, Katara, but we're really lucky to have Zuko," Suki spoke softly once the two girls had been left alone. "He's proving to be a good and reliable friend, and the closest we have to an actual adult."
"Yes," Katara nodded earnestly. "It... does take the sting out a little from losing Aang. I'll never forgive myself completely, but this makes enduring it a little easier."
"Do you like him?" Suki asked with a gentle prod. Katara gave her a stare that seemed to suggest that she didn't understand what Suki had meant. "I mean in a 'girl likes a boy' kind of way, Katara."
"Oh," she blushed slightly. "I like him, yes. And I think he likes me."
"Duh," Suki rolled her eyes. "That's pretty obvious to everyone. Have you... talked about that at all, or..."
"A little bit," Katara admitted. "Before that doomed invasion. We kissed, and... I spent a night in his tent. Oh, relax, Suki," she chided the other girl, seeing the scandalized look on her face. "I wanted to be held and kissed, and that's all we did. But after the invasion... we haven't really talked about it. He hasn't shown interest."
"Oh, I think he's plenty of interested, but I think he just sees how much we're all hurting," Suki mused. "For all his actions in the past, I get the sense that Zuko is desperately trying to act honorable. He probably doesn't think you need more emotional turmoil on top of what you're already going through."
"That sounds like something Zuko would do, yes," Katara smiled somberly. "Honestly, though... I'm relieved that he's not doing anything about it. It's probably a bad idea right now. It makes me afraid."
"Afraid of what?" Suki asked quietly.
"Of losing him," Katara whispered. "I know I'm going to lose him. I'd... rather not be in love when that happens."
"Why are you so sure that you're going to lose Zuko to something?" Suki looked deep into Katara's haunted eyes. "I can feel how devoted he is to staying by your side."
"Because I know," Katara repeated stubbornly. "Everyone leaves. Mother left me. Aang left me. Father has left me twice now. Sokka hates me, and you're going to leave me to be with him. And Zuko will leave as well."
"Katara... Sokka doesn't hate you, you can't believe that," Suki managed, feeling distressed. "He's just very worried about you. And your dad hasn't left your life, Katara. He'll recover and you'll get to be together again once this is all over. And why would Zuko want to leave you?"
"I already know why he'll eventually leave us," Katara repeated stubbornly.
"Tell me?" Suki urged, but Katara resolutely shook her head. "Is... is that what your nightmare was about? Everybody leaving you?"
"Yes..." Katara confessed in a small voice. "Spirits, it just scares me so much, Suki... to be locked away all alone with nothing but my regrets and failures? It's the worst torture anyone could ever come up with for me."
"That's not going to happen, Katara," Suki spoke, taking her friend into a much fiercer hug. "Don't let that nightmare get to you like that. You're never going to end up alone, trust me. We won't let that happen, Zuko, Toph, Sokka and I."
They continued to hold each other tightly until Zuko returned to the living room and the two girls parted slightly to face him with questioning stares. "She never actually woke up," Zuko smiled at them. "But it felt like she was having a bad dream, so I held her hand for a while and she seemed to calm down."
"That was very sweet of you, Zuko," Suki smiled at him. "Wasn't it, Katara?" she prodded her friend.
"It was, yes," Katara readily agreed. "Thank you, Zuko."
"We should get you both to sleep as well, though," Zuko smiled back at them.
"I don't think I can go back to my room and be alone right now," Katara admitted.
"Nor can I," Suki nodded. "Hmm, want to share my bed, Katara?" she suggested.
"Sure," Katara nodded gratefully. "Although..." she hesitated a little, looking up at Zuko. "Zuko's been helping us out, and now we're leaving him out in the cold."
"Umm..." Zuko felt himself blushing slightly at what he was about to suggest. "The bed in my quarters is the largest in the estate. More than enough room for the three of us, and space left for Toph if she wanted it."
"What a smooth invitation to have two girls share your bed, Zuko," Katara smirked. "But I do accept."
"I accept as well," Suki blushed, then lightly elbowing Katara in the ribs. "But just because you two might want it to be romantic, I would ask that you don't make it sound like that. I'd rather not have to explain myself to Sokka, alright?"
"I, uh... I'm sure Katara didn't mean anything by that," Zuko rubbed the back of his neck, an awkward smile on his lips. "Anyway... shall we?" he then asked, extending his arms to them both, a gesture that was gratefully accepted.
Ty Lee waited patiently on the rocky path leading up to the Ember Island estate while Azula slowly regained her breath standing next to her. The exiled princess was slowly recovering from the nearly fatal lightning blast that Ozai had unleashed at her, and even though she had made some progress, Azula still needed to make a stop every hundred yards or so to rest and catch her breath. Ty Lee was no expert on the matters of bending, but she knew that by all accounts, there was no way that Azula should have been able to survive the lightning blast. The only explanation they had been able to think of was that because Azula had been held by the two guards, the lightning blast had been somehow distributed across the three bodies instead of focusing on just one, and while the guards had perished, Azula's superb conditioning and vitality had allowed her to survive, if just barely.
Azula was having a very difficult time accepting her current state of helplessness, and at times it still made her snap a little at Ty Lee, but the other girl usually shrugged it off patiently. She could see that overall Azula was making an effort to be nice to her, and it warmed Ty Lee's heart like nothing else could. She almost regretted not having stood up to Azula sooner, although she realized that without the recent humiliating experiences, Azula would have probably simply punished her severely and with little remorse.
"Just a little bit more, Azula!" Ty Lee spoke encouragingly to her princess. "It's just around the corner!"
"Right, Ty Lee... I think I know where my family estate is, thank you very much," Azula rolled her eyes, taking one deep breath after another.
"Just trying to be supportive!" Ty Lee chuckled amiably as she waited for Azula to catch up to her. Once the exiled princess had rested some more, they finally rounded the corner and began to approach the estate. "Wow, Azula, this is really beautiful!" she gushed in excitement, already hatching plans on how they could entertain themselves in this splendorous setting.
"I guess it is rather beaut-..." Azula began to speak, but then froze as she noticed movement inside the estate. "Someone's there!"
"Are you sure?" Ty Lee blinked, but then she saw the movement as well, someone approaching the window and about to take a look outside. Ty Lee immediately dropped to the ground, dragging Azula with her, rolling to place herself underneath the other girl and soften her fall.
"Uh, what's the big idea, Ty Lee?" Azula blushed heatedly, finding herself pressing tightly against Ty Lee's soft breasts.
"We don't know who they are, right?" Ty Lee replied, also blushing slightly, helping Azula climb off of her. "Just stay here and I'll sneak over and take a look, okay?" Azula nodded wordlessly. Ty Lee carefully crept towards the estate until she could take a good look through the windows, and what she saw inside made her already large eyes widen even more. She fled back to Azula as quickly as she could.
"Well, you look like you've just seen a ghost," Azula remarked nervously.
"I might as well have!" Ty Lee squealed. "It's Zuko and all of his friends in there! He must have had the same idea as you did!"
"Ugh, of course he did!" Azula facepalmed. "We need to get out of here fast, Ty Lee. Zuko might not attack me on sight, but the others will... especially his crazy bloodbender, Katara. And I'm in no shape to defend myself."
"But where else could we go?" Ty Lee asked worriedly. "Oh!" an idea suddenly occurred to her. "What about Li and Lo's place?"
"Hmm... Ty Lee, that's actually a good idea," Azula said, as they both hurriedly retreated back behind the corner, out of sight of anyone watching the approach from the estate. "I think they're both at the capital and will remain there for a while, so the estate should be free to use. But even if they do show up... I think they will not betray me to my father. And if they try anything, well... we can always kill them just to be sure, right?"
"Right!" Ty Lee agreed cheerfully, until she realized just what she had agreed to and her excitement faded. "Umm, I hope we won't have to, though. Anyway... let's get going. It'll take a while for us to get there."
"Sure, Ty Lee, rub it in... just rub it in," Azula gave her friend a glare, but it had a previously unseen hint of fondness to it which instead of frightening Ty Lee, now just made her heart soar.
Suki rushed into the estate like a brazen tornado, tossing her purchases down haphazardly in the foyer before storming into the living room, startling the others. "You won't believe what I heard today at the market!" she exclaimed. "Where's Toph? She needs to hear it!"
"I'm right over here!" Toph's voice could be heard before her head poked out from behind the sofa where she had been lying about while picking her toes. "They finally got those wanted posters of me up, right? Let me hear what they say, Suki!"
"Uh... I don't know anything about that, Toph. What I meant to ask is... your family is in Gaoling, right?" Suki asked hastily.
"Yeah, what of it?" Toph shrugged.
"I just heard two officials talking about how the Fire Nation military is planning some major operation around Gaoling!" Suki exclaimed. "Your parents could be in danger, Toph!"
"Oh no, that's terrible!" Katara paled.
"I agree," Zuko nodded. "We should go and warn them, right, Toph?"
"Well... you all know how I feel about my parents," Toph shrugged, but she did appear very tense nonetheless. "But yeah... I would appreciate if we could fly to Gaoling and warn them. It's not like I want something horrible to happen to them just because they're crappy parents, you know."
"Of course," Katara nodded in understanding. "Let's get ready, everyone. We leave with nightfall."