Chapter 25: I'm sorry, Erin 12th May 1940
Sunday masses were becoming even more solemn. The latest chapter in the story that was the war that raged in Mainland Europe, was one which crept ever closer to home shores. News filtered through to homes in Derry about the advance of the German army, one which caught the underprepared Allies completely off guard. The news that they received was not quite as bleak as the reality, span differently to suit the requirements of the government. Public morale would have dropped to unfathomable depths should the truth of how brilliantly the Germans executed their advance, seep out to all. There were a fair few lads from Derry who were away fighting, some of them as part of the expeditionary force that was stationed within France. Since the deaths of the Donnelly brothers, families began to fear even more that their sons would be the next to fall. Men like John-Paul O'Reilly and Johnny Kells were out in France, soon to be on the front line fighting against the war machine of the Nazi's. Their parents were petrified for their safety.
The priest didn't have to inform the churchgoers of any deaths within their ranks that week. When the fate of Peter and Lorcan became known to the wider community, the service that followed was one which was very hard for all those concerned to sit through. Everyone came to offer their support to the family, their parents putting up a stoic front to get through the service, but one which did not last for the whole of it. David's return at least helped them in their grief, though it would never be the same for the Donnelly family again without those they'd lost. He himself spent a couple of evenings having to be comforted by Orla, who would cling to him until his sobbing subsided. If anything, it was the guilt of surviving that troubled him more than the sadness from their demise.
After Mass, Michelle, Erin and Clare were stood outside in the mild air of the May morning, chatting away. Orla and David would have been there to join them, but Marie kept them up all night screaming, so they decided to stay at home rather than go to mass. Somehow, Sarah slept through it unscathed, but Joe was extremely grumpy that morning, predictably taking his frustrations out on Gerry.
"Church gets fuckin' glummer every week". Michelle moaned.
"Michelle! We're still at church, ye can't be swearin!" Clare immediately berated her.
"Ach come on Clare, I'll just ask Big M to forgive me".
Justification for a lot of Michelle's actions came from, what she described, as an understanding with the statue of the Virgin Mary in the church. Big M knew she wouldn't be able to stop herself from being rude, but in return, Michelle would repay her with as many verses as was necessary. Her personal record for a week was forty-seven Hail Mary's but there were frequent weeks of around twenty to thirty occasions where she would say it.
"Big M's probably fed up with ye by now Michelle". Erin shared her thoughts. "The two of you's do have to communicate a lot".
"You jealous of me and Big M, Erin?" She snorted.
"No!" Erin giggled a shout in reply. "I don't commit as many sins as you do, so I don't need to be talkin' to Big M all the time".
"I don't talk to Big M that much at all…".
"That's because yer too fuckin' scared to break the rules most of the time Clare".
Erin nodded her in agreement with Michelle, frustrating their diminutive blonde friend. She didn't break the rules because it kept her out of trouble, trouble which she didn't need in her life. There was enough trouble already with the secret she hid from them all; adding multiple counts of swearing in church and flipping off a few nuns was hardly going to improve the situation.
"Speaking of sins…".
Michelle's voice was thick with an errant mischievousness. The other two were already fearing the lengths of crass behaviour that she was going to after just three words.
"I'm seein' that Proddy lad again later".
Her voice dropped to a whisper so that some of the old ladies who were still in the grounds of the church didn't have heart attacks. She'd been seeing the lad for some weeks now, meeting up in secret at a destination which always annoyed Erin.
The cottage.
Whilst Michelle didn't have the keys or access to the place, it was a conveniently remote meeting point for her to see the lad in question. They would then head off to a house that he said belonged to one of his relatives, which always lay abandoned whenever they met up there. There was only ever one thing that went on in the house, and it certainly wasn't crossword puzzles or reading. With nobody around for miles, passions could really be let loose within the four walls, which she always made a point of telling the girls whenever she would recount her latest encounter with the Proddy fella. They were yet to learn his name, Michelle keeping the name a complete secret in order for it to remain that way. She certainly couldn't afford to tell Orla in case she randomly blurted the truth out and didn't fully trust Clare not to say anything either out of fear of being caught with the information. There was only Erin that she did trust with knowing his name, but it was far easier not to say anything to any of them.
"I can't believe you sometimes Michelle…". Clare shook her head.
"What? He's a massive ride, I'm tellin ye girls, I don't think I've had many better…".
"Thank ye for that beautiful description that we didn't ask for Michelle…". Erin huffed, taking charge of the situation effortlessly. "… it would be nice if one Sunday ye might put aside yer ridin' of this wee Proddy fella and do something with us".
Erin tilted her head slightly to try to force home the point, to which Clare stared in utter confusion. At no point during the weeks prior had Erin expressed any desire for them to meet up on a Sunday afternoon, so it seemed unfair to criticise Michelle when she'd hardly made much of an effort to do so previously.
"Yer a fine one to talk Erin. You and yer little walks with Charlene".
A painful reminder caused Erin to wince. The morning after her afternoon escape with Charlene a few Saturday's before, coincidentally where they were stood that morning, a furious exchange of words took place. Mass went by without a hitch beforehand, with the normal pleasantries being observed before the girls could properly chat afterwards. When Erin revealed to the other two that she'd spent some quality time with their colleague from work, a rift developed within seconds. Appreciative of her help within the workplace, Michelle and Clare did not assign the same level of trust to her outside of it as Erin did. Her work effort was one thing; the reason for her being there was another and it was for that reason that both struggled to completely trust her. Her family was one of the richer ones in the city, and despite whatever might have occurred with her Da paying off the powers that be, her sudden need for employment to aid their financial situation did not seem plausible. Michelle doubted the whole story about him paying them off anyway, but couldn't find another one that would explain it, ensuring her silence on questioning Charlene's version of events.
"It was ONE Saturday Michelle…". Erin held her finger up. "One!"
"One too many for my liking…".
"Aye mine too". Clare sided with the dark-haired girl.
Erin huffed away as her two friends once again failed to understand that Charlene was more than just a work colleague to her. Her and Charlene were friends outside of work too, something which Michelle and Clare yet again couldn't seem to comprehend. As it was with her towards Orla and David, she could only assume that they were jealous.
"Yeah well, just because me and Charlene are friends, doesn't mean you's need to get worked up about it. Yer still my best friends".
Smiling sweetly to them in an attempt to alleviate some of the rising tension she'd noted, Clare reciprocated with a beaming smile of her own. Michelle did not. It wouldn't have been Michelle if she complied.
"Yer not friends… and I'm still suspicious about her…".
"Ach come on Michelle, not this again". Erin grumbled. "She's explained why she needed to come and work more than once, what is it that ye don't understand?"
"Oh I understand alright Erin. I just don't fuckin' believe her".
The line of discussion was going absolutely nowhere fast, an extended silence of around a minute between the three of them indicating that a change in the topic was required. During the minute, Erin fidgeted, picking at a spot on her dress where some of the thread appeared to have come loose, giving her a job to do later on at home.
"You lot owe me an apology anyway". Michelle finally spoke up to clear the air.
"What?" Erin questioned.
"About Eddie Walsh".
Eddie Walsh's private life was a subject that entertained only Michelle. It had been over a year since she first raised suspicions of the relationship he was having after his wife left him for the continent. Ever since Lyla's departure, their colleague appeared to have been Eddie's new woman, although no one ever saw them together it seemed. Apart from Michelle. Except that morning at church, the young Mallon's persistence paid off as Eddie was sat with Norah during the mass, something which hadn't been seen before. It raised a few eyebrows throughout the rows of people at church, but given the circumstances, they weren't too hard on Eddie. He'd been deeply upset by what he saw as an unexpected betrayal by his wife, to run off to the continent whilst leaving him with the kids. If he wanted to find someone else in the meantime, despite still technically being married, they would relax their judgement on him.
"Alright… well done Michelle, ye were right". Erin conceded.
"Clare?"
"I don't like tellin' ye that yer right Michelle… I don't want to feed yer ego".
"My Ego!? MY EGO!?"
Erin put her head in her hands at Clare's choice of words. Of all the things she could have said to Michelle, informing her of her ego was one that ranked highly on the list of ones to avoid. Although Clare's tactics may have been sound, opening her mouth to explain them was not.
"I don't have an ego for yer information Clare. I'm just always right, that's a fact".
"I won't argue with that…".
The distant response from Erin left Michelle to roll her eyes, but without exploding at her like she'd done at Clare. It was the small blonde where their attention turned next, to a question that had been left hanging in the air between the three of them since work on Friday. When Clare arrived at the factory that morning, her hair messy and unwashed, Michelle and Erin were very concerned. Although the news that the war was developing was just filtering through, they didn't think it was the cause of her apparent upset. The cause for Clare's upset was a painful truth that she could not tell them and would never tell anyone with how the community reacted to Molly O'Keefe's sexuality being revealed. She'd somehow gotten through the rest of the day by deflecting their concerns, but her friends were never going to let it go until they received some sort of story.
"We haven't forgotten about Friday Clare".
The words that left Erin's mouth tore a hole in her complexion. Cheeks reddening from the embarrassment of having to discuss the matter at hand at the very place where she would become a pariah if the wrong person overheard, she could feel the beads of sweat begin to trickle down from her forehead. She'd been able to procrastinate, once again going against the teachings of her father, for a couple of days, but the time was up.
She had to tell them something… without informing them of the whole truth.
"Feck's sake Clare…". Michelle uttered an angered moan. "… we aren't givin' this up, what the fuck was wrong with ye on Friday?"
A deep breath was required before she could present her partially fabricated story. Glancing up at the stained-glass windows, Clare could feel the burning eyes of God on her. A sinner on holy ground.
"There was a wee argument at home…".
"Yer Da being a dick again. I should have known…".
Michelle did not hold much respect for Sean Devlin at all. Regarding him as a religious fanatic, they'd had plenty of run ins over the years of her friendship with Clare. Whenever she would go to their house and he was there, he'd always be listening out for anytime she swore or used explicit language. He would threaten her with soap to wash her mouth out with, though he could never do so as she wasn't his daughter. She'd seen for herself how authoritative he could be at home too, ordering Geraldine around without ever consulting her on whether she wanted to do the tasks he set or not. Luckily for everyone concerned, the two were never in each other's company long enough for a full argument to ensue.
"He wasn't…". Clare quietly defended him.
"Well… he must have been Clare, otherwise ye wouldn't have been upset…".
Raising a point which she couldn't disagree with, Clare found herself searching Erin, trying to tell her to stop, but her friend remained unpersuaded. Trying to balance defending her father yet without covering up what he'd done, was almost asking the impossible in her mind.
"Ye… ye know all this about Molly being… b-being…".
She couldn't bring herself to say it. Say what she was herself. The word was there on the tip of her tongue, coating it with the poison that emitted from the vocabulary. A poison which she drank from regularly, one which made her life a living hell when all she wanted was to find the happiness that her heart desired.
"Being a dyke".
The same could not be said for Michelle. She could say the word without hesitation and fear of being outed, setting off an intense jealousy within the young Devlin. Her friend could speak freely… she wasn't living a lie.
"A… Aye… well he was angry about it".
"That doesn't surprise me…". Michelle chuckled slightly. "… no offence Clare, but yer Da's a right freak when it comes to religion, ye know. It's one thing believing in God, but to be honest, I think ye Da loves God more than he loves yer Ma!"
"Come on Michelle, that's exaggeratin'!" An exasperated Erin jumped in.
"Really? Come on Erin, he lives half of his life here!"
Pointing at the ground around them, Michelle was once again correct in what she was saying. Clare would agree that sometimes it did seem as if her Da would spend more of his spare time away from home than within it. His devotion to God was commendable to many, but those of a more open mind such as Michelle could see it for what it was. Fanaticism. He took the words of God and the teachings of the bible far too literally sometimes, appearing to do so again when it came to Molly O'Keefe and her exposed sexuality.
"Hang on though!" A thought snuck into Michelle's head. "Why did he get so angry at home that it upset ye?"
"I… H-He… I…".
A pair of frowns met the stammering Clare. In the midst of an almighty cack attack, she could barely look her friends in the eye. The acting and lying was straining her before she'd even made it to the main issue at hand. Quite how she was going to come out of the other side unscathed was a mystery to her.
"Let me guess. He wants ye to find a fella again?"
As sharp as a razor that morning, Michelle was on the money again. Unable to decide whether she was scared or relieved that her friend was able to deduce the source of the argument, she continued on with her muddled story.
"Y-Ye… Ye he does. He was making a scene about it because of what happened with Molly…".
"He would… I mean all those he hangs around with will be the same. Molly should fuckin' run while she has the chance".
"What do ye mean run?"
Clare decided this time that she was terrified. Molly having to run away was something she'd considered in her own mind, even likely to be prompted by her family to run so that the shame could be lifted from their name and they'd stop receiving funny looks in the street. But the element of only having a short time to be able to get away was not one she'd thought about. She needed to know what Michelle meant.
"Seriously… I didn't think ye were so naïve, Clare".
"Me neither". Erin added, nodding her head in unison with Michelle.
"WHAT!?"
Her two friends looked at each other in disbelief. Between them, they couldn't believe she did not think that Molly would have to get out quickly. Unwilling to have to state what was going to happen so literally, Michelle left it to Erin in order to inform Clare of what was being suggested.
"They'll go to the house and drag her out probably Clare. Get Father Peter to perform some sort of exorcism on her or something… or worse".
Shrivelling inside, Clare never felt smaller in her life. If that was the fate that was in store for her should the truth become known, it reinforced her long-standing belief that she would have to suffer in silence. There was nowhere for her to turn.
"That's awful…".
"That's Catholicism for ye". Michelle snorted. "And that's another apology to Big M as well…".
Holding her hand up, Erin completed the high five which she went for, leaving the two girls laughing away, oblivious to the distress of their friend next to them. If Michelle always ended up having to say enough Hail Mary's to sink another Titanic for her minor sins, then the payment for her Clare's sins would be of a value that was impossible to fathom. There was no real price when it came to being a rebel to the teachings of the bible in what the church would see as such a shocking way. She was already paying though, having to go through every day knowing that one slip up could bring down the house of cards around her, leaving her to be ripped apart without anyone caring for how it made her feel.
"I wish he'd left it there…".
Clare thought she'd mumbled the words quiet enough so that they were only to herself, but Michelle really wasn't missing anything at all.
"What do ye mean, Clare?"
"Huh?" Panic rose from within the blonde. "I… I didn't say anything!"
"Yes ye did… didn't she Erin?"
Intrigued by the latest development, Erin ignored the fact that she hadn't heard Clare say anything at all in order to find out what she wanted to say. An unthoughtful act that Clare would hate her for if she knew she was lying.
"Aye… come on Clare, what are ye talking about?"
"I… Me… I-I…".
She flapped, hoping they would stop staring at her. The words should never have fallen from her mouth because it meant either another round of lying, which she was shite at, or revealing what Sean had really said that night. What he'd said that made her storm out of their living room to cry upstairs.
"My Da… he… he called ye a whore, Michelle".
Breaking out into vociferous laughter rather than losing her head, Michelle's laughs drew attention to the three of them. In contrast, Erin's mouth hung wide open, her eyes that wide that they were nearly popping out of the side of her head and Clare… poor Clare didn't know what to think. She was expecting Michelle to go on a rampage, practically shouting the birds out of the trees. Laughter was not something she considered as a reaction at all, immediately unsure of how to act around her friend.
"I'm sorry Clare…". She blurted out between the giggles. "… for a second there I thought ye said yer Da called me a whore".
"She did Michelle".
Eyes closed, Clare waited for whatever was to come when Erin confirmed what she'd said. Sean Devlin really did call Michelle Mallon a whore and the latter was now in receipt of the former's view of them. On the second time, the reaction that was expected on the first occasion came true. The laughter stopped abruptly, replaced by a face of biblical fury that not even a mightily pissed off Joe could muster. She was beyond Jack the Ripping, into a special hall of rage that didn't have a name but was easy to recognise.
"I am going to fuckin' beat the livin' shit out him…".
Her words were cold and calculated… and most certainly meaningful. Clare's final shreds of control were destroyed as she opened her eyes to see her friend storming away in the direction of where her father stood talking to their parents. She remained rooted to the spot for a second, only to find that Erin decided she needed to have her say on what was going on before she could stop Michelle from laying hands on her Da.
"WELL DONE… GREAT WORK CLARE!" Erin shouted, getting right into her face. "What were ye expecting to achieve with that!"
"I…".
Tears dribbling down her cheeks, the frightened young Devlin went looking for sympathy that she would not get and possibly did not deserve anyway, from Erin.
"You better go and sort this now before yer Da ends up needin' a plot here!"
Heeding Erin's words, Clare raced off in a fruitless attempt to intercept Michelle before she could get to her Da. Sean spotted the advancing young Mallon from over Martin's shoulder, but it was only when he saw a tearful Clare behind her that the realisation of what his daughter had done set in. She'd opened her mouth when she shouldn't have.
Barging past her own father, there was only one thing on Michelle's mind as her eyes locked with an unnerved Sean…
"Mi-…"
As Martin went to find out why his daughter pushed him out of the way so forcefully, Michelle's clenched fist connected with Sean's jaw, sending him stumbling backwards. Pain exploded at the epicentre of the contact, his jaw aching from the fist it received to it whilst her knuckles stung from the ferocity she'd managed to channel.
"Michelle!" Martin bellowed. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?"
There was already a commotion around them as Sean staggered back, his hand clutching his face. Clare arrived seconds too late, sobbing violently, catching the eye of her mother who was frozen still. Geraldine couldn't be angry with Michelle. Knowing exactly what Clare had done too, she knew her husband was wrong for what he'd said, but their daughter should never have told her friend about the conversation that was held at the Devlin house that night. She was smart enough to know the problems that it would cause, problems which were projected into their lives outside the church that morning as Sean continued to clutch his jaw.
"What did ye say about me?"
"MICHELLE!" Martin shouted again.
"He called me a whore, Da. Didn't ye!"
Deirdre stepped in to take a hold of her daughter, who she restrained with all of her muscle to stop her taking a second swing at Sean. Martin's demeanour changed in a split second when he found out why his daughter struck the friend of the family. Nobody would ever speak to his Michelle like that unless they wanted to be assisted with a transition into hell.
"I hope for yer sake this is some sort of mistake Sean…".
Glancing over at Clare, Sean's only hope would be to play on her nerves. It was a hope that he was able to rely on. Scared stiff that their families' friendships and the whole fabric of their lives could be turned upside down by the likely beating Martin would give her Da, she knew she had to stop it. Taking the blame herself would be the only way that it could be stopped. Michelle would forgive her in time that way, after a rocky short-term where the atmosphere would be cold between them. The layers of lies were piling up though. Clare's could feel God eyeing her from the clouds, tapping away at her conscience in revenge for disobeying the teachings of the holy book. She was paying the price of being attracted to women rather than men.
"I… it was a joke Michelle… I was joking…".
"WHAT THE F-".
Her squeezed shoulder courtesy of her Ma, stopped Michelle from owing Big M another prayer.
"Makin' crude jokes about me now, is it?! We'll speak about this when we get home!"
Viciously rounding on his daughter, Sean's scowl broke her heart. Clare was covering for him so that he wouldn't get hurt and he was shouting at her for it. His cowardly approach angered his wife too, but Geraldine remained as passive as she could, not wanting to cast any doubt that Clare herself might be lying to stop the onslaught. It would be another horrific couple of hours at the Devlin house…
Staying well out of the way, Erin watched the drama unfold in front of her with her hand across her face. She could only hear the odd word from where she stood, in the same position she'd been when Clare left her side moments earlier. If it was true, then there would be absolutely no chance of stopping a fully enflamed Michelle from knocking seven bells out of Sean, though Martin would have probably stepped in to deliver a knockout blow to him. It could grate her how much Michelle would sleep around with lads without ever fully committing herself to the pursuit of love, but she was not a whore. She would never, ever be that.
"Pssst… Erin!"
Hearing her name called, she turned to find Charlene.
She'd noted her friend's absence at mass that morning along with the rest of her family, a rarity for them not to show. Seemingly appearing out of nowhere at the most convenient of times, Erin was glad for her presence, grinning at her wildly.
"Do ye fancy goin' for another walk?"
Turning to look over her shoulder, where a brawl appeared likely to erupt, there was a brief moment of hesitation from the young Quinn. Her best friends and their families might be about to go beyond a line that their relationship would never come back from and she ought to stop them all. But Charlene Kavanagh… THE Charlene Kavanagh, wanted to spend time with her again. There was only ever going to be one winner.
"Sure".
Briskly exiting the church, completely unnoticed by anyone due to attentions being diverted to the huddle around Michelle and Sean, Erin breathed a sigh of relief to be able to get away from it all.
She caught up to her friend quickly and the two set off out into the country.
Exactly how Charlene wanted them to…
Quite where they were going, Erin did not know.
Not that it mattered to her at all. After witnessing the chaotic arguments between friends and family back at the church, frankly anything was better than trying to deal with the fallout. There were enough of them there to stop it going too far anyway, most importantly her Da. If there was anyone that could be relied upon to act as a successful peacemaker then it was Gerry.
On their last walk into the countryside, Charlene led them out to James' cottage, albeit without knowing that she'd done so. Second time around however, they were going in an opposite direction to the cottage and out into an area of the countryside that Erin rarely visited. Occasionally, their walks as a family would go that way but no more than a couple of times a year. Without remembering any particular landmarks, it was almost as if she was there for the first time, exploring a new area that surrounded the city. Charlene seemed to know where she was going, although her family's mansion was not so far away, the likelihood that they would soon be on their land dawning on Erin.
Their conversation was mostly about what was happening at the church that morning. Charlene was shocked to discover what Sean said about Michelle. Whilst she was not particularly fond of the young Mallon girl and would agree that she slept around a bit too much, whore was an extent that she would not go to. It didn't surprise her at all though. Despite being Catholics and having financial influence, the old Colonel was never overly religious, but his friendship with other landowners who were, brought Sean Devlin to his attention. He'd told his daughter about how untrusting he was of the man, part of a circle of men within the church that were nasty and spiteful in her father's opinion, believing in the teachings of the bible far too literally. She always listened to her father, making a mental note about Clare's Da that never left her.
"And this all started because of Molly O'Keefe?" Charlene continued with the topic.
"Aye". Erin nodded. "I'm not quite sure how Clare managed to go from Molly to Michelle really but her Da was right mad about it from what she was sayin'".
"No wonder… he's… weird, to say the least".
"I know he is. I think Clare's a wee bit scared of him ye know".
She wasn't the only one. Whilst she may have been on better terms with Sean than Michelle was, Erin was all too aware of how short a fuse the man had. She was a wee bit scared of him too. Accidentally spilling some water on the carpet at the Devlin house once years ago, she was convinced Sean would have gone for her with the belt if Geraldine didn't stop him. He liked to put his authority across, and he ruled with an iron fist.
"He's nothin' like my Da… and I guess nothing like yer's either?"
"Christ no! My Da's cracker, so he is. Even if Granda thinks differently…".
Charlene snorted her amusement at Erin's description of Gerry's relationship with Joe. Although she was yet to truly witness one of their colossal, though one-sided, tussles, she'd heard plenty about them during chats at work. At least a couple of times a week, Erin would complain that her Granda shouted the house down at Gerry with no solid reason to do so. Whilst it annoyed Erin, Charlene could see that Michelle and Clare always found it amusing, so she would too.
"I bet yer house can be fun sometimes". Charlene giggled.
"You don't know the half of it…".
They both giggled at her statement which trailed off. Charlene was becoming more and more impressed by her own acting skills, being able to flawlessly pull of a pleasant conversation with someone she was not keen on. Erin was as annoying as ever that morning which didn't help. Yet it was all necessary for the plan to work as it was meant to.
"Still, I guess yer house can be entertainin' at times?"
After having been impressed with her acting skills a second earlier, Charlene suddenly felt let down by them as Erin's question blindsided her. She rarely spoke of her life at home to any of the girls, out of a genuine embarrassment of not appearing to be normal. Coming from such a privileged background as she did, she knew that there were differences between how she could act at home and how they could. The Quinn's didn't have their own set of staff who could fuss around them or cooks to prepare their meals for them. For families like Erin's in the working classes, there was just that. Work. Lots of it to keep roofs over their heads and food on the table. She'd never needed to worry about anything like that in her entire life.
"I… I suppose".
A frown appeared on Erin's face as Charlene responded. It was unlike her to become flustered by a question from anyone, let alone her, and she immediately wondered if she'd struck a raw nerve.
"I… I'm sorry if I've u-".
"No". Charlene interrupted her apology. "I'm sorry Erin. I… I just don't get to talk about what happens at home a lot. I've always assumed no one would care".
"I care".
Reaching out, Erin squeezed Charlene's hand. If there was one thing she didn't want to happen, and certainly wasn't part of the plan, then it was Erin showing signs of friendly affection towards her. Having Erin Quinn care about her was not something that she would ever want. The blonde was quite possibly the most annoying, hypocritical young woman in all of Derry, constantly believing to be something she wasn't. For the plan to work though, she would have to go along with it. They were far too far along to abandon what needed to be done.
"That's… that's nice of ye Erin". She smiled, slowly pulling her hand out of Erin's grasp.
"We're friends aren't we… that's what friends do!"
"Friends".
The word made the young Kavanagh want to boke. Erin was not her friend… it would be an embarrassment above anything else for her to become her friend. She was better than that.
Walking on, there was nothing said between them for a couple of minutes. Erin wanted to enjoy the country air whilst they got the chance to, Charlene unable to complain as it meant not having to talk to her for a few minutes. The birds chirped away peacefully in the trees around them, harmoniously going about their business without a care in the world. Cows grazed in the distant fields watching the day pass by around them with nothing to do other than wonder around aimlessly. Over to their right was a gate, one which from a distance, appeared to have signs to the sides of it. Charlene began to turn in its direction, Erin following close by. Beyond the gate was the entrance to an area of woodland, a secluded area well away from anything or anyone.
"Do not trespass… or you will be shot…". Erin read the sign out.
"Don't worry yerself Erin, this is the back entrance to our estate. I don't think the groundskeeper will shoot ye if yer with me…".
"I would hope not!" Erin chuckled.
As she was chuckling, Erin thought more about what Charlene said. Obviously, the groundskeeper would hold fire if Charlene was with her, but if she wasn't, she realised it was a very good spot to bring someone to if you wanted to get rid of them. Quiet… out of the way… hidden behind a gate which the general public could not pass. She was glad that she was Charlene's friend. If she was her enemy, then it would have been the end…
Charlene opened the gate, holding it for Erin as the blonde passed through, a big smile on her face. Once she'd passed through, Charlene closed the gate behind them, making sure to lock it behind her too. As the sound of the gate locking filled her ears, she took a deep breath. There was no room for error in the task that she was to carry out. It required carrying out to the letter of the plan… the absolute letter. Working for the Crown was a career she never considered holding even so much as a year before, believing herself to be set for a life of privilege forever. Stood in the woods at the bottom of the family estate, she was now facing a task that, unbeknownst to her, the Prime Minister himself ordered the completion of. What she did know, was that failure to complete what was asked of her would not go down well in London. That was all she had to know in order for her to make it a success.
"It's so quiet…". Erin commented as she looked up into the trees. "… do ye come down here very often?"
"Not really". Charlene quickly replied.
"Ye should… it's amazing, so it is!"
Stopping herself from balling up her first from Erin's enthusiasm, she led them deeper into the wooded area. It wasn't a huge area of woodland, but it was easy enough to get lost in for anyone who didn't know their way. The groundskeeper would always moan about having to go down there, especially if it was to chase off trespassers. There were plenty of places for people to hide, making the task of catching them a lot harder.
It wasn't long before they came to the spot where Charlene knew she must stop. The location where the plan would truly unravel itself. Swallowing her nerves, that left a stinging sensation at the back of her throat, she began to slow up, though Erin did not notice at first, mesmerised by her surroundings. Watching her walk past, Charlene ended up having to reach out to yank her back to her, so that the two could look each other in the eye. A sound that was reminiscent of a squeal was drawn from the blonde, who stumbled slightly on the mix of leaves and twigs underneath her feet. It was a good job she hadn't put her best shoes on for church that morning, as their grip was not as good as the ones she was wearing and would have almost certainly saw her pulled to the floor.
"Christ Charlene, ye nearly had me over".
"Ach come on Erin, it wasn't that bad". She rolled her eyes, huffing slightly.
"Have… Have ye got something to say?"
She did. Charlene did have something to say to Erin. Words that never left her all morning since she'd woken, rehearsing the scene in her mind over and over until she'd prized the young woman away from the church. She did not rehearse the scene after then, but the words stayed in her head throughout. She'd said similar before to a certain someone else. That day, the words played on her mind all morning before the deed was done.
"I'm sorry, Erin".
She'd told Jenny Joyce that she was sorry.
And she really was in a way. Because it wasn't personal.
It wasn't her decision to slit Jenny's throat, leaving her to bleed out in the confession box, fighting for life until the fight left her body during her final breaths.
"W-Why… Charlene…". Erin panicked at her tone. "… yer scarin' me sayin' that out here…".
It wasn't personal with Erin either.
Once again, she was not the one making the decisions.
But Erin Quinn was not Jenny Joyce.
She would not die in the woods that day.
When the orders were passed on through her friend who also answered to London, she assumed it would be a similar outcome when the first part of the notes made it clear she must lure Erin away from the city. It was only when she skimmed further down that it became clear that Erin was to receive the opposite treatment to Jenny. An apology was still needed, one which only the blonde was allowed to know the truth over for the time being.
"I'm not comin' back to work tomorrow".
From scared to confused, Erin's emotions were taking a hit. Surely Charlene hadn't dragged her all of the way out to the woods at the back of her family's estate just to tell her that…
"Oh. That's… I…. why?"
Curiosity got the better of Erin. She reasoned it would for anyone that had walked for miles to be told what, on the face of it, was a rather trivial piece of information. It was a blow for her in a working context, but it didn't really necessitate the walk to the secluded setting.
"And why did we have to come here?"
"Again I'm sorry. I needed it to be away from the others so that Michelle didn't make a scene over it and Clare didn't have one of her cack attacks…".
Quickly, it made sense to Erin. Charlene was telling her because Erin was clearly her best friend. She was delighted to have been elevated to the coveted status of being Charlene Kavanagh's best friend. Her knees were even a little weak, though after months of having to deal with James' handsomeness and being unable to do anything about it the previous year, they were certainly controllable.
"We… we don't need the money now. Da's sorted his finances out so I don't have to work again. He's already spoken to Meyler…".
"I'll be sad to see ye go". Erin curved her lips up slightly. "I can understand why ye didn't want the other two to know like this…".
"Aye. But that doesn't mean I'll disappear".
The orders ended in disappointment when she read the final paragraph. Hoping to finally be rid of Erin, no longer having to force herself through the ordeal of having to be around her for more than five minutes at a time, she was denied the chance. She would have to remain fairly close to her. Though there was a reprieve from not having to spend days at work with her, it meant that all the time spent with her instead would be in a social capacity. Socialising with Erin was not Charlene's idea of a good time.
"That's good…". Erin grinned. "… can't be losin' one of my best friends now, can I?"
I'm not one of your best friends…
I am not even your friend at all…
I despise you!
"Of course not…". Charlene grinned back through gritted teeth. "… and well… that's not all actually…".
Saving the best, at least for Erin, until last, Charlene put aside her own feelings of dismissal towards the blonde. As much as she did not like her, as much as the sound of her voice made her want to find the nearest cliff and leap off of it, the one part of her orders that brought a smile to her face would make Erin jump for joy. Quite why the information needed to be drip fed through her and not passed on by her other friend who answered to London, she did not know.
"Tell me!"
Erin wanted to know whatever else it was that her friend needed to say. Glancing into Charlene's eyes, she found a warmth in the opposing dark irises that told her that she was going to enjoy whatever it was.
"Ye have to promise not to tell anyone about this though Erin… I mean it!" Charlene made herself very clear.
"Absolutely!" Erin exclaimed, bringing her hand up to her mouth. "My lips are sealed, so they are".
"Grand". Charlene replied, nodding in recognition.
She took another look at Erin, who was bubbling over with joy. It would have taken the coldest of people not to find a little happiness in seeing just how excitable she'd gotten, and Charlene was not that cold. She followed her orders as a good servant to the Crown would do, but she still retained a conscience.
"My Da still has friends in the military…". She began the cover story. "… ye know, quite high in the chain of command like…".
A gleeful dip of the head from Erin indicated that she should continue.
"I… I felt guilty about leavin' all of you's at work and I… well I wanted to do something special for ye…".
"Right…".
"I asked him if he could find out more about what yer James was up to… where he might be goin'…".
James.
Hearing his name sent Erin's heart racing. Being Charlene Kavanagh's friend was taking on extra layers of meaning for her. Not only was she allowed to spend time with her fellow beautiful young woman, the same young woman could, through her father, keep an eye on the love of her life. Her wee Prince.
"Charlene… I… I don't know what to say…".
Erin was almost crying from the overwhelming joy that spread through her. Charlene was offering her unlimited access to information which James could not disclose, censorship being what it was. She wouldn't be able to pass any messages back to him in return through Colonel Kavanagh, but it was enough. Being able to know where her James was, which battles he might be fighting in, turned the conflict in her own heart back under her control. She could already feel the pain of longing for him ease slightly. Charlene believed they were doing something nice for Erin by simply handing over a bit of golden information that her friends in London allowed her too; instead they were giving her a whole mine.
Squinting internally, Charlene placed her hand on Erin's shoulder in a sign that could have been misinterpreted quite easily as friendship.
"I can tell ye now if ye like?"
No answer was uttered. Charlene knew what it would be before she'd even asked. Erin would obviously want to know everything she'd found out about James.
"He's stationed at an air force base called Worthy Down, which is not far from Portsmouth and Southampton. His regiment is the 815 Naval Air Squadron…".
"Slow down Charlene!" Erin blurted out a laugh through her tears. "I might need to write this down later…".
"NO!" She shouted in reply, making Erin jump. "I mean… ye can't in case anyone finds out about it. My Da isn't supposed to be doin' this…".
"Sorry… sorry!" The apology came immediately.
"Where was I… ach yeah, well he's already been in action, so he has…".
Wide eyes greeted Charlene when she looked up at Erin. Any doubts that her love for him was as questionable as her poetry, would be erased if anyone saw the look on her face. It was the worried look of a young woman eager to know of her fella's wartime activities.
"From what my Da found out, James apparently got into a wee scrap with three German fella's the other day when he was testing some fighter plane…".
"A fighter plane? You mean the Spitfire?" Erin questioned.
"That's the one. Let's just say that the wee German fellas all ended up in the North Sea without as much as a scratch on James".
He truly was keeping her safe. Hearing that James finally got his chance to confront the enemy, Erin could only be proud of her English fella for doing his duty and killing the Germans who he'd gone toe to toe with. Having experienced his skills in handling an aircraft for herself, she knew he would be able to cope with the rigours of combat to defeat the enemy fighters. His gentle hands could be applied to the controls of a fighter plane in the same way they had been onto her skin, though the aircraft would not become aroused at the touch like she did. Having those hands on her skin… the memory of them drifting over every inch of her, to places that no one else's hands were allowed to go…
Cheeks burning as the delightful pull of desire took her off to a place in her mind where she was truly contented, she remembered her surroundings. Charlene knew exactly where her thoughts were going and though it might have been somewhat cringeworthy, she couldn't blame her. If James was her fella, she'd have been thinking the same.
"That's my James…". Erin quietly, and joyfully, commented.
"That's not all Erin…". Charlene continued. "… my Da doesn't know when or which one but he found out that James is being transferred to an aircraft carrier soon".
"An aircraft carrier… so he might not be in England much longer?"
"Aye that's how it appears. I'll… I'll try to get some more information for ye as soon as I can like…".
"Whenever Charlene…". Erin reached out to put her hand on the other girl's wrist. "… ye've already done so much for me… thank you".
Her pride swallowed, Charlene allowed Erin to wrap her up in an embrace, putting her hands around Erin's back in order to accept the action. The tears of the blonde dripped through onto the exposed skin around the top of her shoulder, wetting her soft skin. She'd never assumed she would ever find Erin Quinn of all people crying in her arms, let alone allowing it willingly. In the time of war though, sacrifices were not only made by those fighting on the land, at sea or in the air. There were sacrifices made on battlefields with no weapons, where the only sounds were the ones of emotion.
Charlene was just the latest person to have to make them.
Flashback… a couple of days earlier…
Smithers' eyebrows raised as Menzies mentioned the need to get hold of Charlene Kavanagh immediately. The same conversation took place once before, and the consequences led to Jenny Joyce's demise. It appeared that Erin Quinn was about to follow the same fate.
He couldn't understand why though, as the information he'd received from the young woman about Miss Quinn was near enough all positive. Though there were further comments about how poor her poetry was and how annoying she could be when around her for more than a few minutes at a time, there was no doubt in Charlene's mind that she loved the Lieutenant. The Mysterious Lieutenant whose importance still eluded him, locked behind a wall built with the hushed voices of those with more power than him. She'd even gone as far as suggesting that marriage seemed inevitable between the two young lovers. The content of the report was information he never assumed he would have to analyse but living in a time of war always brought up challenges of the unexpected.
"What should I say to Miss Kavanagh, Sir?" He asked the Lieutenant-Colonel.
"Let me explain first Smithers".
Menzies indicated that he should take a seat at the small table next to them, the two taking up their positions on either side a couple of seconds later.
"I filled the new PM in on everything we have about Lieutenant Maguire and everything we have been monitoring since the war began. I also gave him the report Miss Kavanagh submitted to us in regards to Miss Quinn…".
"I see, Sir".
"He was quite amused about the thought of having to decide the fate of a love life. But a decision was reached fairly quickly after he'd read through Miss Kavanagh's report…".
"And that is, Sir?"
Menzies stopped for a moment, breathing out lightly and turning his head away, before snapping his attention back to the Captain a second later.
"Miss Quinn would appear to be suitable for our young Lieutenant. There is no evidence to suggest that she has any ties to Nazism as a start and her family do not appear to be disreputable either. She just loves Lieutenant Maguire".
"Yes, Sir…". Smithers still couldn't quite believe they were discussing the topic. "… might I ask why we need to contact Miss Kavanagh?"
"You may. The PM agreed with me that allowing Miss Quinn to have access to information that would otherwise be classified, would be a final confirmation as to her trustworthiness. If she keeps the information that we feed through to her strictly to herself, then we have no reason to interfere in her relationship with Lieutenant Maguire".
"And if she does?"
"Then we will have to contact Miss Kavanagh again. For Miss Quinn's sake, one would hope she could keep her mouth shut".