A/N: Sorry I didn't update twice last week! Things got crazy but don't worry, I'm working on making sure I can get more chapters posted in a week since everything's all written! Anyway, Donnie's back home! Everything should be smooth sailing from here. . .right?

Donnie's eyes hazily creaked open. At first, all he saw was a mess of colors clouding his vision as he tried to remember what hit him. His head pounded with a dull ache he was too familiar with these days as his limbs refused to follow any commands he gave them. All he could do was control his breathing while he waited for his vision to clear up.

He began to notice the ceiling. The crusty stains as the pipes from above leaked in various places. He could smell a coat of dust. He watched that with each breath, particles would be scattered. He sunk deeper into the mattress below. It wasn't the softest, nor the comfiest, but it molded to his body as if it had done so for years. He felt the tug of a blanket with each move his limbs made. His body was tightly encased like a cocoon in a sea of fabrics, all providing a much needed warmth and comfort.

The minutes passed as Donnie did nothing but simply enjoy the comfort his body craved. For once, it seemed his breathing flowed smoothly without struggle. His body relaxed without being on constant alert for unknown threats. He felt safe, secured. He was floating in space and there was nothing to pull him away from the sweet bliss of time standing still. Where his memories were non-existent and the future didn't hold uncertainty.

Could it be this simple? Was it possible for him to stay here and never face the crushing reality that he knew existed?

Where he didn't feel forsaken

Lost

Alone

Pathetic

Donnie squeezed his eyes tightly, repressed memories were suddenly hitting him hard, invading the small circle of peace he had subconsciously created.

He could see his brothers, his friends, his enemy, himself circle around, taunting him like a child.

He shook his head, to no avail it only added to the pain that was beginning to grow. He needed to move, he needed to get up, get away.

His eyes shot open as his body raised itself from the mattress, the mess of blankets fell to the floor and the world danced around in a dizzy haze. After a moment, he realized he was somewhere he hadn't been in a while. He scanned around, looking for conformation. He couldn't understand. He wasn't supposed to be here. He was supposed to be back in Japan. How could he be back in his own bedroom?

His heart squeezed painfully as he carefully studied the room. Dust covered his books, his corner desk. His computers looked practically dead. But how? How did he get back here?

'No. . .it has to be a trick. . .' He thought to himself. He had one too many nightmares that started with him being home only to end with the usual nightmares he saw of his family. He couldn't bear to let himself believe this was the true reality. He couldn't trust anything. . .anyone. . .

Taking yet another deep breath, Donnie quietly removed the comforter that had been tightly encasing his body. As much as he hated to leave the confinements, he'd rather get the nightmare part over and done with so he could continue suffering in the present.

His feet felt tickled from the cold surface. His body shivered, his muscles ached, but Donnie ignored all the signs. He needed to see what was awaiting him.

He slowly walked over to his door, his shaky arm arose to greet the handle. He closed his eyes and once again tried to settle his breathing. His anxiety was rising as well as his composure. He was barely keeping himself together.

His hand tightly gripped the handle, with a ninety degree turn, the door opened, granting a small sliver of light to illuminate parts of the room. Donnie pulled the door closer to himself, the light reaching his eyes. He shielded his eyes for a moment before quickly adjusting. He took a small step out of his room, deeming himself ready to face the demons that awaited him.

He scanned the hallway. He was filled with surprise. Usually his night terrors wouldn't hesitate at the opportunity to seize his vulnerable state. He continued walking down the small hallway, stopping at the sound of familiar voices. He grasped the wall, staying close to the shadows as he listened.

"It's been ten hours, shouldn't he be awake by now?" Raph groaned.

"The drug was meant to knock him out for twenty four hours, just give him a little more time." April responded.

"So why can't we take shifts like we usually do?" Mikey asked.

"It's best not to. We don't want to accidentally trigger him to go into a panicked state." Leo said.

Donnie couldn't believe it. This wasn't like his usual nightmares, this time, they were talking about him in a different manner. Could this really be the present world? Was he actually back in the comforts of his true home? Donnie felt his heart flutter in excitement. Mikey must've figured out his clue and brought the others back when Osamu had knocked him out. Osamu? Donnie's mind drifted to many questions about his captor as well as Katsumi. He hoped she was okay.

He shook his head gently. He didn't want to think about Osamu right now. Not when he was home and his brothers were right out there, waiting to welcome him with open-

His brothers. . .Shell, his brothers were right out there. Donnie could feel the pain, the memories returned. Was he ready to face those demons? There was so much damage, they didn't even know the tiniest bit of what he went through. How could he tell them of the tainted memories that haunted him? No, he couldn't face them right now. Donnie quietly turned around, making his way toward the bathroom.

He silently opened the door and flicked the switch. Both his hands came up to his mouth to muffle the gasp that escaped his lips as he saw his reflection. He looked just as he felt. Broken.

His face was hallowed and without any mask, he could see just how blackened the area under his eyes were. Speaking of his eyes, they were hardly recognizable. They looked void of life, or any sense of emotion. Any gear he had been wearing was fully gone, letting Donnie see all the bandages, marks, and bruises that covered his body head to toe. His injuries he had been given on the night he was captured were tightly bandaged, though he could see the ugly scarring that had begun.

His carapace was scratched more than it had ever been. It was a dull yellow, with deep bruising around his abdomen.

Donnie hugged himself gently. His mind was buzzing with too many emotions that he couldn't process all at once. He felt himself spiraling, only this time, he didn't have anyone to help him. He tried to remember the breathing techniques Katsumi taught him but it was too hard on him. All he could focus on was his reflection and how in the moment, it was slowly changing. His naked body was suddenly covered with the full gear he had previously worn. The cool metal and black fabric was suffocating his body. His eyes stared straight into the mirror as his reflection completed it's look with the black mask.

He shook his head as it smiled at him devilishly.

"You really think you're the one that needs to fear them? You're the one that turned. You've changed Donatello. They'll definitely turn their backs on a traitor."

"N-No. . .! I'm not a traitor! I was confused but now. . ."

"Now you question if it's them that'll turn on you when they're the ones that did what you said. They're the ones that saved you and you dare to think that they're the enemies? You don't deserve them. You don't deserve to be back here in their home."

"S-Stop it!" Donnie yelled as he covered his ears and closed his eyes.

"Face it Donatello. You can't heal from this. They can never trust you. Just go back to where you belong."

"Donnie? Donnie!"

Donnie heard voices but all he could focus on was his reflection. He felt his tears wash over his face as someone hugged his body tightly.

"Donnie, focus on me, okay? It's me. Mikey. Your baby brother. You're safe D, you're home. We've got you bro." Mikey said gently as he wiped Donnie's tears with his thumb.

"M-Mikey?" Donnie said, as he finally noticed Mikey's presence as well as everyone else's.

'Great, my first day home and they catch me having a panic attack. Why do I feel this is going to bite me in the shell later. . .' He thought bitterly to himself.

"Yeah, it's me Donnie." Mikey said smiling. Unknown to his troubled brother, Mikey was ecstatic to actually be hugging his brother. He was hugging his brother! Donnie was finally home with them, safe and sound. They had all been waiting anxiously for Donnie to wake up and he did! Granted, he did so and then fell into a panicked state, but Mikey would take it. It was better than waiting around for hours upon hours for Donnie to wake up from whatever he was drugged with. Mikey hugged Donnie a little tighter as his brother continued to shake in his grip.

Mikey knew Donnie was going to have a hard time adjusting to life again, but Mikey was going to do everything in his power to make sure his older brother felt at home once again. He wasn't going to let anyone stop them from helping Donnie.

"You with us Donnie?" Mikey asked softly.

"Y-Yeah, I think so. . .I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ruin the reunion."

"You didn't ruin anything Donnie." Leo said, making sure to keep his tone gentle. He knew Donnie was more sensitive around him and Raph. Mikey wasn't the only one who wanted to help. Once they had gotten home with Donnie, they all made a plan to help him get back on his feet and help him through any conflicting emotions. None of them were experts on emotional trauma but April had taken a few classes at school as well as her own research for similar subjects. It was all they had.

Their plan was to take it slowly and make the environment as comforting as possible for Donnie. With the way Osamu treated Donnie, they wanted to try to let Donnie make decisions for himself, especially when it came to talking about what caused all the trauma. April had revealed to them she saw a glimpse of the truth but she didn't feel it was her choice whether to reveal it or not.

The only problem with the plan was that Donnie's history on sharing emotions wasn't rated very well. If any of them had wanted to know Donnie's emotions, they would have to dig very hard, and even then, they never knew the truth. To manage something like getting Donnie to talk about what Osamu did to him, would be a miracle. But they had to try or fear losing their brother even further to his inner demons.

Leo moved beside Mikey, adding another sense of comfort for Donnie.

"C'mon Donnie, do you want something to eat? I bet you're hungry for some of Mikey's cooking." Mikey said happily.

"Heh, yeah, sure." Donnie responded quietly, as he looked back towards the mirror.

As Mikey guided Donnie out of the room, Raph stayed behind, glancing at the mirror. He wanted nothing more than to give Donnie a much needed apology for the way he acted during their first confrontation, or even give Donnie a hug. He usually ignored embraces but he couldn't let go the feeling of wanting to hold Donnie close. He was gone for four months after all. . .but Raph knew it was best if he didn't. He saw the worried looks he quickly received from Donnie. It was a fact Raph didn't want to deal with. His little brother was afraid of him.

Crossing his arms, Raph regarded April as he followed his other brothers.

"I've been waiting forever to show you some of these new recipes I learned! You're going to love them!" Mikey exclaimed.

"Maybe you should start off with something simple like soup." April commented, taking a seat next to Donnie at the table.

The two snuck a quick glance at each other before quickly turning away. Donnie blocked the images of April being possessed and all the actions she performed, instead opting to focus on how beautiful she still was after being gone. Though, Donnie could tell something was on her mind.

"Maybe she doesn't trust you. She knows what it's like to be a traitor. She knows you're one too." The voices taunted.

"Heh alright, Mikey's special pizz- I mean, chicken noodle soup is coming right up!" Mikey said sheepishly.

He bolted for the cabinets, taking out a soup can as well as various other ingredients.

Donnie gave his brother a small smile, his eyes falling downcast. He couldn't explain his feelings but he felt as if it was his turn to take charge of the conversation. As loud as the voices were in his head, telling him now that he was the troubled one, they didn't overpower the ones that warned him of the outcomes for spilling secrets. He couldn't find any way to tell his family of the torture he endured and how they each played a part in it.

"So. . ." Donnie said, knowing he had to say something. "Where's Casey and Karai?"

"Karai is making sure all her soldiers are accounted for and Casey's helping. They're also making sure we weren't followed or that there's no way for Osamu to track us." April said calmly, playing out with a few crumbs that littered the table.

Donnie nodded in understanding, fidgeting with his fingers. He sighed as he looked around the room. As he did, he noticed the small movements of heads turning and eyes switching to a different view. Why did this have to be so complicated? This was his home, these were his brothers. He knew deep down this was better than a life with Osamu, but then why did it have to be so difficult? Why couldn't he just fit right back into place and put everything behind him?

Was he that broken. . .Or was this not the right choice?

'Go figure, I'm finally able to make a choice for myself and it's the wr- No! Don't think like that. This is your family, Osamu was a lie. Stop being selfish and focus on them. They are the ones that spent months looking for you and you were the one to reject them heartlessly.' Donnie thought bitterly to himself.

"So Donnie," Leo said, clearing his throat, "I bet you've missed Mikey's cooking, huh?"

"Oh y-yeah! For sure." Donnie replied softly, avoiding eye contact with his older brother.

"Speaking of cooking, what kinda food did they give ya?" Raph said in an attempt to carry the conversation. He angrily rolled his eyes from the peeved off expression Leo sent his way as he focused back onto his brainy brother.

'Food, not feelings. Just food.' Donnie said under his breath.

"Mostly Japanese food. A lot of rice, some sushi here and there, and a few proteins. It was nothing fancy." Donnie said as he gazed up at the clock. Osamu wouldn't have fed him for another hour. He would be in training right now, probably focusing more on solid katas than the basic stretching.

Donnie's head lowered once more. He was home, yet it felt like he was a stranger. His body felt out of place, stuck on a routine someone else built for him. He could sense that there was so much he didn't know with what happened with his family as well.

He was saved but he was broken.

All of a sudden, Donnie felt the world around him disappear as he was surrounded by darkness. He floated off the stool as his head searched back and forth for a solution.

He tried calling out to his brothers but his voice was barely audible. He could feel his muscles tighten, his hate rate increase, the tears. He started to panic. He knew what was happening and didn't like it one bit. He knew this could happen, it happened all the time with Osamu. But this, no, he was home, how could he still be suffering from these hellish flashbacks?

Donnie's body froze, he couldn't move at all. By an unknown force, his head was raised to face the demon responsible.

Osamu.

"So, you think just like that you've escaped me? Think again Donatello."

"You can't control me anymore! I've seen past all that you've done to me! I know my true family and where I need to be. And that starts with being far away from you."

"Don't get so cocky Donatello. Don't you remember how confident you were in the beginning of all of this? And don't forget how soon it was until you believed all that I said. You can't hide forever Donatello, you can't hide what happened forever." Osamu said with a smirk.

"And once they realize how you gave up on living, that you willingly joined my forces, they'll see that you're unfixable. Just a broken picture of what used to be their ever faithful and loyal brother. And when that happens, I'll be ready for you to come back. You will come back sooner or later Donatello."

"No!" Donnie shouted, despite his struggles, he couldn't find the strength to cover his ears. The words were burrowing themselves in his brain, his breathing was harsh and rapid. It was as if he was back into that cursed chair.

"Donnie? Oh no, not again. Donnie!" He heard.

He could feel a warmth brush over his skin as someone rubbed his shell and whispered words of comfort. Ever so slowly, Donnie regained his senses. He blinked out the darkness and found himself being held upright on the kitchen floor. His cheeks flushed as he realized everyone was staring at him, waiting for him to say something that would indicate what he saw.

"Donnie, are you-"

"I'm not hungry anymore." Donnie said suddenly, getting up off of the floor on his own. The others gasped, shooting up from the floor, ready to offer their assistance.

"Donnie?" Mikey asked again, slowly following Donnie's pathing.

Without saying another word, Donnie bolted to his room, locking the door before anyone could follow.

It was then that everyone in the lair realized that healing was going to be harder than they thought. . .

A/N: Oh boyyyyy, looks like it's gonna be a bit of a challenge to make amends, welp, guess you'll have to stick around to see how things turn out!

Thank you all so much for the reviews and support, y'all are awesome and it just makes me so happy to know how you feel! Have an awesome week guys and I'll catch ya soon. . .